cs joseph responds 

Welcome to CS Joseph response. I’m your host chase here to answer your questions on any topic union analytical psychology, or the four sides of the mind also known as four sides dynamics. Today’s question is when an intp run for the hills when someone hinted about marriage on a first date, and the source of today’s question is none other than Quora? Let’s take a look at the question. Here we have it.

Awesome. Talk. i Yang, I can’t say that I’m sorry. He provided an answer to this question.

Seems to have the most viewed most up votes. It says quote, it took me five years after meeting my then girlfriend to get married and even so only at the not so so hinting of my parents. I was happy content, and just having a good time with my then girlfriend before getting married. To me, there was little reason to get married.

So to answer the question, hunting about marriage on a first date can be quite a surprise to an intp. Whether to run for the hills depends on many factors. The only part that is guaranteed is that the intp would be surprised. No, I disagree with that.

What are you talking about? I NTPs are like not actually surprised about things very often because of their Extraverted Intuition. Parents can often see things before they happen. Gotta love my dog barking in the background. The questions he goes on, the question seems to hint I MTPS do not like to commit which that’s true.

They don’t. There are two parts to a commitment. The first part is to oneself. And the second part is to the other person being ti dominant.

An intp wants to be absolutely sure that he or she can honor his or her end of the commitment before informing the other person. Okay, that’s true. I agree with that. Words are very literal to an intp.

No, that’s not true. intp are informative. And because they’re informative, they have a lot of subtext. And a lot of other things being talked about consistently throughout their speech.

Oftentimes, they need to be decoded or decrypted because they can be extremely cryptic with what they’re saying, because you can’t actually tell what they’re saying, because it’s like, well, wait a minute, what context are what are you saying that to begin with? You know, so words are not very literal to an intp. I disagree with this person as well. So commitment, like to love and cherish the rest of your lives literally means that. Okay, I see what you’re saying.

But no, I don’t agree. At the same time having expert intuition as an auxiliary function, aka the parent function, an intp can easily run scenarios through the mind and ask, Can I keep my end of the commitment even if this happens? Okay. That’s true. They definitely do that.

So Okay, fair enough. I believe this is why intp is hesitant to commit, even though they intend to keep their promises. No, it’s not that it’s more because they’re very critical of what they want, because they see everybody else being irresponsible with wanting things and they don’t want to see themselves or allow themselves to be irresponsible things that they want. Just because they want to have a relationship just because they want to be married to somebody doesn’t mean they’re going to make that commitment because they’re so used to seeing everybody else being irresponsible with making decisions based on who they married, especially if they’ve had bad experiences within their own family, within their siblings marrying the wrong people or their mother or father marrying the wrong people and just turning into an absolute horror show.

Okay, yeah, then they can become kind of bitter embittered by other external forces other external nurturers based on their intp nature, which then caused them to reach that. That conclusion so I disagree. So, Eugene Mormon, also answered, most people would run for the hills when someone hints about marriage on a first date. And wrong.

This is not true. Sorry. intp is like me live in our heads true. by that.

I mean, they we are very internal and we have a very active mental life true. It certainly doesn’t mean we are geniuses are smarter than others. I wonder about that. Just that we have learned to entertain ourselves mentally because we find a lot of things external to us to be boring.

Preach it, this guy definitely that’s, that’s true as well. So relationships can also be boring or mundane. Yes. And as much as they could see other people being irresponsible their relationships as well.

Well said, sir, unless a certain mental stimuli is kept up. Yeah, because I NTPs can get pretty bored about things very easily. And then when they do get bored, they decide to just not commit or do anything anyway, and they end up over committing because I go, I just got bored, so I’m just going to be, you know, loyal to you. Then it’s like, wow.

So you’re basically admitting to us every you, Mr. Eugene Mormon, that you’re basically a hedonist and you’re saying that all intp is our hedonists? I can’t agree with that, but apparently you think so I guess maybe because you’re admitting to everyone that you’re heating us right now. So for some reason, we’re very adaptable, true, but in your relationship, it is implied Oh, he’s talking about implications things that are implied is because they are informative, okay, accurate. It’s It is implied at least that it will extend through some period of time Not a one night stand in, okay.

I don’t know, some intp is can go for one night stands, most of them don’t know, commitment can be scary to an intp. Because we know that it may be difficult perhaps more than most to find a permanent partner. That’s not necessarily true for many intp is marriage is optional. And we don’t usually care about pure parental pressure to marry just for the sake of conforming to a societal expectation.

Well said, well said, Mr. Eugene, you know exactly what you’re talking about there. Because I NTPs are pragmatic. They’re very independent.

And that’s an excellent point. Thank you for making that. Believe me, I just turned 58. Today, marriage is optional.

Okay, fair enough. And yes, I agree from an NTP point of view. For any pragmatic point of view, marriage is very optional. It’s less optional, though, for ESPS.

We’re also pragmatic because they’re supposed to be with affiliates of types and affiliate tips are all about, you know, doing the right thing. And so ESPS should be in sexual relationships with s js, for example. So they end up getting sucked into the affiliative of being a married etc. But when it comes to NTS, pragmatic entities, that’s not the case, marriage is insanely optional, will always be optional for them for the entire lives, regardless of which entity they are.

So for the most part, good, good, good thing to be said Mr. Eugene. And there’s some additional let’s see, let’s see, we got Oh, someone named anonymous. I did.

Even though it came that came up after six months, I felt he was committing to fast and that he’s not thinking it through carefully honest expert and thinking Nemesis Very good. He knew I could pull anytime and thought hinting about marriage would tie me down. I was shit scared, and of course, over thought about a gazillion things that could possibly go wrong in the future, and decided to end it a year later, I dropped this decision, which I felt was thoroughly contemplated like a bomb without explaining the decision behind the actions. Words failed me, which is very typical of extroverted sensing trickster types, because they have a hard time being aware of how they’re coming off to other people with the experience that they’re giving other people, which is typical VI, np.

So fair enough. She says, I love this guy. And even now, 10 years later, I still wondered if I made the wrong decision. I think she actually did.

Sometimes I wish I was simpler minded, and didn’t have to develop a damn thesis over every single decision. But the intp bring up the topic first. And you might be an INFP though, Miss anonymous, so keep that in mind. You kind of sound like an intp with what you’re saying when especially when talking about a thesis.

But regardless, an INFP will still behave this way regardless. So, okay, I think that’s enough. That’s enough questions for me to go through. Let’s let’s actually like, have me answer it, when intp run for the hills when someone had to develop marriage on a first date.

Well, the truth is, the answer is no. Absolutely not. And that’s kind of controversial, but that’s just a fact. The reason why is because when you look at the Golden pear relationship with you know, or with the intp, and is the N TJ and the N TJ out of all the types is the one type that gets married the fastest, it gets absolutely married the fastest, the fastest to commit to someone it is the fastest they’re also the type most statistically likely to have a one night stand out of all the types more Auntie J’s have a one nightstand than any of the other types combined with STP is falling behind them very quickly.

ESTPs and ISTPs. But and TJ definitely takes a one night stand cake outside of anyone and then with an ENFJ is like probably fourth in that in terms of one night stand. And that’s just for sexual commitment. But in terms of like actual marriage, it’s also the same with Auntie J’s en te J’s get married like like that.

And with oftentimes very little thinking, I don’t know how like in my coaching practice, I’ve coached people who are ENT J’s, who literally ask for marriage on a first or second date, and then boom, they’re married. And that’s just it, that happens. And the bottom line is, is that NTPs are pretty cool with that as long as an NTP feels comfortable and feels really wanted and desired by the other person and the other person throws up the idea of marriage, then definitely, they’re gonna go for it. Oftentimes, it takes a lot of responsibility off of an NTP, especially an intp when the opposite sex is the one asking them to be to be married because then it’s like, okay, great.

Now I don’t have the pressure of, you know, having to put, you know, put up a ring and make the decision because traditional generals don’t really matter that much to an NTP, man, for example, and because we are innately feminine, an NTJ woman can just straight up ask us to marry them and we’d be fine with it. That’s typically what happens and, and because the golden parents the intp is the ES tj and tj definitely seeks them out. And it’s like great, I finally found I’m looking forward the decision is done. i Auntie j’s are extremely decisive.

They’re just going to make the decision right there. And in there and literally asked the intp to marry them straight out of the gate. Whereas also happens with, you know, in some cases actually ESFPs ESFPs are also known because they’re also movement oriented as long as they’re not afraid of what they want. And they know for a fact that they want this intp they will definitely be down for marriage probably within the first couple of weeks of knowing the intp.

And in the immortal words of my ESFJ Sister, if you don’t know whether or not you’re willing to marry someone after being with them for the first two weeks within your relationship, you probably shouldn’t be in a relationship with them to begin with. Because you know, and she had a golden but she’s She is married to a golden pair, her ISFP husband, which is my brother in law, they knew that they were getting married within the first two weeks. And kind of interestingly enough, when I met my wife, Rhoda, I knew as an ESTP, we decided to get married right away such that we were married within three weeks of knowing each other and we are literally like two weeks away from our, from our one year anniversary, you see what I’m saying? So anyway, the bottom line is guys, would an intp run for the hills when someone hints about marriage on the first date? The answer is actually no. The thing is, though, is that if if through human nurture if an intp has been embittered by life by seeing and experiencing other people who have had failed marriages, failed relationships, because of their irresponsible decisions, they’re going to be turned off to the idea of marriage in general, because they’ve never really experienced someone around them being having a successful marriage.

And honestly, if an intp has a successful parents being married, and maybe they are in a really gold, good golden pair, or this did most statistical successful relationship out there, which is known as the bronze pair, the intp. would, if the intp has experienced success in that area, then they would definitely be down for it themselves. They would throw all my naivety aside and just like I don’t care, I’m glad that you want me You make me feel comfortable. You’re always asking me what I think all the time.

And I know you value me and you’re always giving me recognition for all the good things that I do for you. And anytime I sacrifice myself for you, you always give back in return and you’re very generous to me. Absolutely, I will marry you. So therefore, you know, even if it is hinted at first date, they know that the other person is in it for the long run.

And then they feel wanted because all an intp wants is to feel wanted and to feel valued and prove to them they feel valued. And so when someone’s asking them what they think and factoring them on every single decision that’s being made, hey, what do you think about this? Hey, what do you think about this? Hey, what do you think about this? Well, at the same time, they want to be like, straddled by their man or woman is like, Ooh, I want you I want to bang you right now was taken to the bedroom right now. And then and then it just happens, you know, and if it’s an intp, man is and TJ woman is on top, and then you know, and vice versa, etc. But regardless, it just doesn’t matter.

Because at the end of the day, they want to feel wanted and someone hinting at marriage on a first date is a really good strategy to actually make an intp feel wanted, they’re not going to run away from you. They may take a while for them to get to the point where they’re okay to being married, etc. But at the end of the day, the intp is definitely like feeling wanted by it. So no, they’re not going to run for the hills on the first date.

No, if anything, that means that you’re in it for the long haul, and that makes them feel wanted, that makes them feel desired and makes them feel valued. So of course they’re gonna stick around because you are probably you doing that to them, or probably the only person has ever made them feel that way in their entire life. So because, you know, that’s just what they’re down for something for you to guys to consider. And don’t let people tell you no, because or don’t yeah.

Don’t. Don’t let people tell you yes, because quite frankly, that’s That’s utter BS. So anyway, if you would like your chance, your question being answered on this channel, please post it on Quora and tag me or leave as a comment below. If you want a guaranteed answer for your question, become a Silver member at at CS joseph.ly.

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