cs joseph responds
Welcome to C.S. Joseph Responds I’m your host, Chase, here to answer your questions on any topic Jungian Analytical Psychology or the Four Sides of the Mind, also known as Four Sides Dynamics. Today’s question is would an INTP run for the hills when someone hinted about marriage on a first date? And the source of today’s question is none other than Quora. Let’s take a look at the question. Here we have it. Awesome. Tak Auyeung, I can’t say that, I’m sorry, he provided an answer to this question. Seems to have the most up votes. It says, quote, “It took me five years “after meeting my then-girlfriend to get married, “and even so only at the not-so-subtle hinting “of my parents. “I was happy, content, and just having a good time “with my then-girlfriend before getting married. “To me, there was little reason to get married. “So to answer the question, “hinting about marriage on a first date “can be quite a surprise to an INTP. “Whether to run for the hills depends on many factors. “The only part that is guaranteed “is that the INTP would be surprised.” No, I disagree with that. What are you talking about? INTPs are not actually surprised about things very often because of their extroverted intuition parent and can often see things before they happen. Gotta love my dog barking in the background. “The question…” He goes on, “The question seems to hint “INTPs do not like to commit.” Which that’s true, they don’t. “There are two parts to a commitment. “The first part is to oneself, “and the second part is to the other person. “Being Ti dominant, an INTP wants to be absolutely sure “that he or she can honor his or her end “of the commitment before informing the other person.” Okay, that’s true, I agree with that. “Words are very literal to an INTP.” No, that’s not true. INTPs are informative. And because they’re informative they have a lot of subtext and a lot of other things being talked about consistently throughout their speech. Oftentimes they need to be decoded or decrypted because they can be extremely cryptic with what they’re saying because you can’t actually tell what they’re saying because it’s like, well, wait a minute, what context in which are you saying that to begin with? So words are not very literal to an INTP. I disagree with this person as well. “So a commitment like to love and cherish “for the rest of your lives literally means that.” Eh, okay, I see what you’re saying, but no, I don’t agree. “At the same time, having extroverted intuition “as an auxiliary function,” aka, the parent function, “an INTP can easily run scenarios “through the mind and ask “can I keep my end of the commitment even if this happens?” Okay, that’s true. They definitely do that. So okay, fair enough. “I believe this is why INTPs hesitate to commit “even though they intend to keep their promises.” No, it’s not that. It’s more because they’re very critical of what they want because they see everybody else being irresponsible with wanting things and they don’t want to see themselves or allow themselves to be irresponsible with things that they want. Just because they want to have a relationship, just because they want to be married to somebody doesn’t mean they’re going to make that commitment because they are so used to seeing everybody else being irresponsible with making decisions based on who they married, especially if they’ve had bad experiences within their own family, within their siblings, marrying the wrong people, or their mother and father marrying the wrong people and just turning into an absolute horror show, okay, yeah, then they can become kinda bitter and bittered by other external forces, other external nurtures based on their INTP nature, which can cause them to reach that conclusion, so I disagree. So, Eugene Mormon also answered, “Most people would run for the hills “when someone hints about marriage on a first date,” Wrong, this is not true, sorry. “INTPs, like me, live in our heads.” True. “By that I mean that we are very internal, “and we have a very active mental life.” True. “It certainly doesn’t mean we are geniuses “or smarter than others.” I wonder about that. “Just that we have learned to entertain ourselves mentally “because we find a lot of things external to us to be boring.” Preach it, this guy definitely, that’s true as well. “So relationships can also be boring or mundane.” Yes, and as much as they can see other people being irresponsible with their relationships as well. Well said, sir. “Unless a certain mental stimuli is kept up.” Yeah, because INTPs can get pretty bored about things very easily, and when they do get bored they decide to just not commit or do anything anyway, and they end up over committing, just like, oh I just got bored, so I’m just not gonna be loyal to you. Then it’s like, wow, so you’re basically admitting to us, every, Mr. Eugene Mormon, that you’re basically a hedonist, and you’re saying that all INTPs are hedonists. I can’t agree with that, but apparently you think so. I guess maybe ’cause you’re admitting to everyone that you’re a hedonist right now. So, for some reason. ” We are very adaptable.” True. “But in a relationship, it is implied.” Oh, he’s talking about implications, things that are implied. It’s because they are informative. Okay, accurate. “It is implied, at least, “that it will extend through some period of time, “not a one night stand.” Eh, okay, I don’t know. Some INTPs can go for one night stands. Most of ’em don’t though. “Commitment can be scary to an INTP “because we know that it may be difficult, “perhaps more than most, to find a permanent partner.” That’s not necessarily true. “For many INTPs, marriage is optional, “and we don’t usually care about peer or parental pressure “to marry just for the sake of conforming “to a societal expectation.” Well said, well said, Mr. Eugene. You know exactly what you’re talking about right there, because INTPs are pragmatic. They’re very independent. And that’s an excellent point. Thank you for making that. “Believe me, I just turned 58 today. “Marriage is optional.” Okay, fair enough. And yes, I agree, from an NTP point of view, for any pragmatic point of view, marriage is very optional. It’s less optional, though, for SPs who are also pragmatic because they’re supposed to be with affiliative types, and affiliatives are all about doing the right thing, and so SPs should be in sexual relationships with SJs, for example, so they end up getting sucked into the affiliative of being married, et cetera. But when it comes to NTs, pragmatic NTs, that’s not the case. Marriage is insanely optional and will always be optional for them for their entire lives, regardless of which NT they are. So for the most part, good thing to be said, Mr. Eugene. And there’s some additional. Let’s see here, let’s see what we got. Oh, someone named Anonymous. “I did, even though that came up after 6 months. “I felt he was committing too fast “and that he’s not thinking it through carefully.” Ah, extroverted thinking nemesis, very good. “He knew I could bolt anytime “and thought hinting about marriage would tie me down. “I was shit-scared, and of course, “over-thought about a gazillion things “that could possibly go wrong in the future “and decided to end it a year later. “I dropped this decision, “which I felt was thoroughly contemplated, “like a bomb without explaining the decision “behind my actions. “Words failed me.” Which is very typical of extroverted sensing trickster types. Because they have a hard time being aware of how they’re coming off to other people or the experience they’re giving other people, which is typical of INPs, so fair enough. She says, “I loved this guy and even now, “10 years later, I still wondered “if I made the wrong decision.” I think she actually did. “Sometimes, I wish I was simpler-minded “and didn’t have to develop a damn thesis “over every single decision. “Let the INTP bring up the topic first.” Eh, you might be an INFP, though, Miss Anonymous. So keep that in mind. You’re kinda sounding like an INFP with what you’re saying, especially when you’re talking about a thesis. But regardless, an INP would still behave this way, regardless. Okay, I think that’s enough questions for me to go through. Let’s actually have me answer it. Would an INTP run for the hills when someone hinted about marriage on a first date? Well, the truth is, the answer is no. Absolutely not. And that’s kind of controversial, but that’s just a fact. The reason why it is is because when you look at the golden pair relationship with, or with the INTP it is the ENTJ. And the ENTJ, out of all of the types, is the one type that gets married the fastest. It gets absolutely married the fastest. It is the fastest to commit to someone. It is the fastest, they’re also the type most statistically likely to have a one night stand out of all the types. More ENTJs have a one night stand than any of the other types combined. With STPs, following behind them very quickly, ESTPs, and ISTPs. But ENTJ definitely takes the one night stand cake outside of anyone. And then with the ENFJs probably fourth in that in terms of one night stand. And that’s just for sexual commitment. But in terms of actual marriage, it’s also the same with ENTJs. ENTJs get married like that. And with oftentimes, very little thinking, I don’t know how, in my coaching practice, I’ve coached people who are ENTJs who literally ask for marriage on a first or second date, and then boom, they’re married, and that’s just it. That happens. And the bottom line is that NTPs are pretty cool with that. As long as an NTP feels comfortable and feels really wanted and desired by the other person, and the other person throws up the idea of marriage, then definitely they’re gonna go for it. Oftentimes it takes a lot of responsibility off of an NTP, especially an INTP, when the opposite sex is the one asking them to be married because then it’s like okay great, now I don’t have the pressure of having to put up a ring and make the decision because traditional gender roles don’t really matter that much to an NTP man, for example, and because we are innately feminine, an NTJ woman can just straight up ask us to marry them and we’d be fine with it. That’s typically what happens. And because the golden pair to the INTP is the ENTJ, ENTJ definitely seeks them out. And it’s like, great, I finally found what I’m looking for, the decision is done. ENTJs are extremely decisive. They’re just gonna make the decision right then and there and literally ask the INTP to marry them straight out of the gate. This also happens with, in some cases, actually ESFPs. ESFPs are also known because they’re also movement oriented, as long as they’re not afraid of what they want and they know for a fact that they want this INTP, they will definitely be down for marriage, probably within the first couple of weeks of knowing the INTP. And in the immortal words of my ESFJ sister, if you don’t know whether or not you’re willing to marry someone after being with them for the first two weeks within your relationship, you probably shouldn’t be in a relationship with them to begin with, because, and she had a golden, but she is married to her golden pair, her ISFP husband, which is my brother-in-law. They knew that they were getting married within the first two weeks. And kind of interestingly enough, when I met my wife Railgun, who’s an ESTP, we decided to get married right away, such that we were married within three weeks of knowing each other, and we are literally like two weeks away from our one year anniversary. You see what I’m saying? So anyway, the bottom line is guys, would an INTP run for the hills when someone hinted about marriage on the first date, the answer is actually no. The thing is, though, is that if through human nurture, if an INTP has been embittered by life, by seeing and experiencing other people who have had failed marriages, failed relationships, because of their irresponsible decisions, they’re gonna be turned off to the idea of marriage in general, because they’ve never really experienced someone around them having a successful marriage. And honestly, if an INTP has a successful parents being married and maybe they were in a really good golden pair or the most statistical successful relationship out there, which is known as the bronze pair, the INTP would, if the INTP has experienced success in that area, then they would definitely be down for it themselves. They would throw all naivety aside and just be like, eh, I don’t care. I’m glad that you want me. You make me feel comfortable. You’re always asking me what I think all the time and I know you value me and you’re always giving me recognition for all the good things that I do for you. And anytime I sacrifice myself for you, you always give back in return, and you’re very generous to me. Absolutely, I will marry you. So therefore, even if it is hinted at a first date, they know that the other person’s in it for the long run. And then they feel wanted, because all an INTP wants is to feel wanted and to feel valued and prove to them that they feel valued, and so when someone’s asking them what they think and factoring them on every single decision that’s being made, hey what do you think about this? Hey what do you think about this? Hey what do you think about this? While at the same time, they wanna be like straddled by their man or woman who’s like, ew I want you, I wanna bang you right now, let’s take it to the bedroom right now, and then it just happens. And if it’s an INTP man his ENTJ woman is on top, and vice versa, et cetera. But regardless, it just doesn’t matter, because at the end of the day they want to feel wanted, and someone hinting at marriage on a first date is a really good strategy to actually make an INTP feel wanted. They’re not gonna run away from you. They may take a while for them to get to the point where they’re okay to being married, et cetera, but at the end of the day the INTP is definitely feeling wanted by it. So no, they’re not going to run for the hills on the first date. No, if anything that means that you’re in it for the long haul, and that makes them feel wanted, that makes them feel desired, it makes them feel valued. So of course they’re gonna stick around because you are probably, you doing that to them are probably the only person that’s ever made them feel that way in their entire life, so, because, that’s just what they’re down for. Something for you guys to consider, and don’t let people tell you no because, or don’t, yeah, don’t let people tell you yes, because quite frankly that’s utter BS. So, anyway, if you would like your chance at your question being answered on this channel, please post it on Quora and tag me or leave it as a comment below. 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