cs joseph responds
Welcome to CS Joseph response. I’m your host chase here to answer your questions on a topic Jungian analytical psychology or the four sides of the mind, also known as foresights dynamics. And today’s question is what an INFJ and an ESF P make a good couple. And the source of today’s question is Cora.
So let’s take a look at that question. Here it is on Quora. And it’s got five answers. Excellent.
So the first answer comes from Melissa Donovan, who is a small business owner from 2004 to present, and she answered on May 25 2018, with 45 upvotes. Friends, yes. And good ones, long term committed couple. I love hanging out with ESFPs, they’re fun, they’re warm, they’re likeable, and nice and sociable.
They treat people like they want to be treated. Not always. I’m not sure there’s a mean bone in their bodies. Yeah, right.
Okay. They’re amazing with kids and pets. Yeah, I’ll give him that one. And have a soft spot in our hearts for the underdog.
Yes, that’s that’s true to actually all appealing qualities to an INFJ. Lots of positives and the friend department. They care about their people a lot. However, they might forget that you’re one of their people if you don’t see them very often.
Wow, very true. Actually. I’m actually kind of shocked to see the accuracy of this answer so far. There’ll be best buddies if you work together, but you might not hear from them for months after the job ends.
That’s true. This doesn’t mean they don’t like you anymore. They just seem to unintentionally do the out of sight out of mind thing. Wow said that well said that can be pretty hurtful to an INFJ.
Yes, that is very hurtful. We’re actually explore why. Also, I’ve noticed appearances matter a lot to ESFPs. That’s true.
For example, they might suck it up and take abuse from important people to stay in the in crowd. Yes, that’s true. They don’t tend to see through a facade very quickly and are drawn to follow charismatic people, even if they’re fake. That’s so not the way INFJs roll.
I will say in ESFPs defense that they really do try to see the best in people and I think it’s admirable. That’s true. They generally do they have a better chance of positively transforming a bad group dynamic than I do because of their willingness to stay. Okay, yeah, fair point is FPS probably find INFJs to be too intense.
Conversely, ESFPs tend to care a lot about stuff that seems superficial to an INFJ. That’s not necessarily accurate. I don’t think they find INFJs too intense, I maintain, it’s more of that ESF peas can find INFJs to be really forceful, and actually take away their freedom of choice, which leads to conflict, and ENFPs don’t really give a damn about INFJ choices or what INFJ is wants to do, even though INFJ is very much care what they want to do. And that’s actually the source of conflict is coming from.
One time I was having a conversation that ENFP friend about life after death. We are in this really deep place together and she very seriously changed the topic to the color of shingles. She was thinking of putting on her roof. That conversation went on for a long time.
I never knew there was so much to be contemplated. What would the neighbors think? Were the shingles worthy of the house itself? I guess she wanted a deep and meaningful connection about that too. Totally fine and kind of funny coming from a friend. I probably couldn’t handle those types of conversations consistently from my spouse.
Very fair. INFJs have depth. We know a few people frighteningly well ESF peas have breath. They can seriously make friends with anyone, everyone.
It’s kind of amazing. INFJs value individuality. You think I’m different? Okay, well, I don’t think that’s true. INFJs value individuality maybe for themselves, but they expect everybody else around them to be the same because of our affiliative they are.
This is what causes INFJs to be authoritarian and enforce social rules that they maintain is the best way to do about things and they force everyone else around them to behave just like them. So INFJ is valuing developed individuality sure for themselves but not for others. And it’s kind of hypocritical on their part. You think I’m different? Why thank you.
ESFPs value popularity. That’s true. everyone adores me. Yes.
And Whoo. Yeah. Okay, fair, fair points. There’s no right or wrong.
They’re just very different. For the right couple. I’m sure there’s enough Common Core Values like kindness and generosity to make it work, but expect to butt heads over issues like conformity, social expectations, material possessions, etc. And also freedom of choice.
I’m adding that one in there. The color of shingles matter more than you know, I better call my friend and see if she went with a charcoal or slate. Okay, very funny. Then we have Vitor throw a Qaeda thinking about everyday life, speaking from my observation and out of Socionics observations.
Gross. At first ESFP will be very interested and have the INFJ is the object of attention to admiration the INFJ will enjoy it. Exchange will be interesting Because of total different points of view, there is felt elation both can deal with people. So it shouldn’t be too difficult at first, the new experiences each other bring will be appreciated.
No, no, that’s not true. On a closer and more prolonged relationship, like on a daily basis, it can get worse as values differ considerably. lifestyles and activities also differs considerably. Okay? The values aren’t a problem here, the values actually line up quite well.
They may differ, but eventually over time, they’ll become the same. The problem actually is the lifestyles and activities. That’s the issue. We’re gonna explore why in a second, the specific needs of one and the other may feel unmatched.
Okay, that’s true. It’s hard to pay attention to each other’s pet peeves. That’s true, because they’re both oblivious to the other person’s pet peeves, lol. differences may grow subconsciously because of the inability to truly get one another.
True that this is why this relationship is in bad decision. strictly professional relationship and casual friendship seems much better fit and actually productive. Yes, it is. And there’s a little bit of camaraderie in there that can actually gain from each other, and actually can learn from each other in the long run, which is probably far more valuable.
When I see ESFP talking about INFJ and vice versa. It’s usually a mix of respect critique, although the tone suggests that it was a worthful exchange. Exactly. Vitor, you’re absolutely right here.
In fact, I would probably describe this relationship more of a shoulder to shoulder relationship instead of a face to face relationship, even though they have super high emotional compatibility, but they have like no sexual compatibility whatsoever. Okay. Diantha says it really depends. I don’t think I personally go wealthy is FP because they see me a bit super superficial and materialistic.
To me, these might be prejudices. But I do feel like extrovert sensory types aren’t as deep as introvert intuitive types, that’s not true, they actually can be super deep. The difference is their level of depth is completely different. When you’re a concrete type, you’re more aware of how memories are attached to physical objects and whatnot.
And that’s where the metaphysics actually meets the extroverted sensing Road, while metaphysics is typically extroverted intuition. The thing is, is that the past actually keeps its impression on physical objects, and it creates totems, and therefore, extroverted sensors can have a metaphysical relationship with objects, etc. It’s kind of like an ISFP, or an ESFP, having a lucky slot machine at the casino, even though that’s not even real and doesn’t exist, but for some reason they think it is. So.
Okay, fair enough. I don’t really need to go into these for more. But for the most part, most people on core are saying no, it’s a bad idea. And quite frankly, I’m inclined to agree with them.
So what an INFJ and an ESFP. Make a good couple. Hell no, not remotely. And let me explain why.
Let’s talk about the good parts of this potential relation. This is known as a cohort relationship, a cohort relationship, I think, according Socionics is one of the few pieces of Socionics actually, like when explaining different kinds of relationships with a cohort relationship is when you have super high if not the highest emotional compatibility between two types, but you have zero sexual compatibility whatsoever. These people have zero sexual chemistry, it’s absolutely horrible. Because ESFPs like, oh, yeah, I’m gonna give you really good experience in the bedroom.
And the INFJ is like, No, I don’t want a good experience of bedroom, I want to give you a good experience in the bedroom. And they’re both competing for basically who’s on top. It doesn’t matter if they’re male or female. They’re basically competing for the one who’s leading the experience.
And the INFJ is so desperately wants because they are performing since I used to be the performer in the sexual act. Whereas the ESF P is also is basically known as the performer and no one for performing and would actually just make the INFJ feel guilty in the bedroom and make the INFJ feel like that they’re terrible at at performing, and as a result, it just ends up falling apart. The INFJ in this situation because of their guilt often ends up bending over to the ESF P and becoming subservience the ES FPS wishes to be on top in a sexual situation. And the INFJ who would prefer to be you know, like on top of themselves ends up being the person on bottom and then ended up going to the Introverted Sensing demon and basically pretending to be an ISFJ to make the ESFP lover happy.
And you think that’s sustainable for any amount of time? No. I mean, how do these relationships even start to begin with? It’s mostly because the ESF P is all of a sudden decided to play hard to get or the INFJ is just not really being approachable and the ESFP goes up to the INFJ and then ends up introducing themselves to the INFJ because they’re both if they’re both ni users and ni users are typically regardless very introverted, extroverted, it’s on them to initiate a relationship to To basically ask out the other person essentially that’s how it works doesn’t matter if you’re male or female. This is why female Auntie J’s ask out male NTPs all the time, it’s normal, right? It’s also normal for female ENTJ’s to be the one to produce rings to their male NTPs. This happens all the time, especially female ENTJ’s.
And it’s like not even weird, for some reason. But they’re just super pragmatic. And they don’t really care about the social world, and they just go with it. But when it comes to an INFJ, and ENFP, situation, the INFJ is being all affiliative and trying to do the right thing, because they’re interdependent and wanting to be on a team.
So they end up letting go and, and they never are sexually satisfied by the ESFP ever. And then the ENFP takes it very personally when the INFJ is not sexually satisfied, because it’s like I’m doing all these things I know I’m performing well, and it’s worked for other people in my life. And then for some reason, it’s not working with you, what’s your problem, and then the ESFP ends up accusing the INFJ of being selfish, or sexually broken, which destroys the INFJ ego through si se inferior and it actually creates hatred in the INFJ towards the ESF p to the point where the INFJ will elect themselves judge, jury and executioner and actually seek out to destroy the ESFP and the reputation whenever possible. It’s like having two painters in the room with no canvases and each painter has paint brushes, and they’re trying to use the other person as the canvas, you think that’s gonna be a good sexual experience.
Guys, when you’re having sex, you need to have somebody who is a canvas and need to have someone who’s a painter, the painter is an expert at sensor, that Canvas is an introverted sensor so that the painter can paint on the canvas. That’s how it works. Well, you have two painters in this situation, and it just as it leads to nothing more than it leads to nothing more than total chaos. It’s an absolute waste of time, do not get in a relationship with an INFJ or an ENFP.
And by the way, if you’re an ESF P, and, or and or you’re an INFJ and you think that the person that you’re with is an ESF P or an INFJ, etc. Don’t assume that verify their types first before like planning a breakup, etc. Verify because there’s a chance they may actually be an ENFP. Or there’s a chance that maybe an INFJ and you might find yourself in a golden pair and the grass is not greener elsewhere.
So just be aware of that it could be a risk, make sure you verify your types if you need help with verification, because CS joseph.ly forward slash type grid or wait for our personality assessment, which is due to release on June 1 of this year. So you can help verify your type using the proper tools to do so. So anyway, folks, that’s what an INFJ and an ENFP make a good couple. Hell no and stay away from that like the plague please, please do that.
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In any way, folks, all that being said I’ll see you guys tonight.