Dear fellow INJs,
For us, loyalty is both the boon and bane of our existence. Having Se inferior necessitates us INJs receiving loyalty from others because at some point in our lives, we have all been abandoned or betrayed. The feeling of someone leaving without proper justification after all the efforts put into that one person has driven us all to brink of insanity. That’s why we need people (preferably Si users) who can supply the consistency and loyalty our Se inferior so desperately needs. Since only a handful of people can meet that need, INJs will sometimes settle for the “low hanging fruit” when it comes to relationships. It is understandable that INJs can’t help but blindly put their faith in other people at times. It gets lonely knowing that the world is full of people who will never quite understand you. This is something that will be a constant struggle for the rest of your life. “Door slamming,” or removing undesirable people from one’s life, is especially necessary for INJs because the people who surround us ultimately determine our success in life.
Loyalty must be earned first
Time and time again I find that INJs will forgive deeds that are unforgivable, giving their loyalty to those who don’t deserve it. These people feel like family, or even closer than that most times. INJs are the rarest types, therefore it is only natural for us to feel misunderstood and want to have close relationships with others who can understand that and stick by us. It feels like so much more effort is needed for our two types to simply be in a society that will never fully grasp the nature of Ni hero, let alone find people who appreciate our efforts. For this reason, those we do accept into our lives are those we intend on keeping for good. Ni hero knows what it wants at all times—which is our greatest strength—but if left unchecked, it can latch its focus on a person causing INJs to blindly ignore warning signs surrounding them. Giving away loyalty that is unearned out of loneliness will result in unbalanced relationships every time. The truth is that suffering through the hills and valleys of an unhealthy relationship out of fear of abandonment will only prevent self-growth and ruin your future.
If INFJs surround themselves with immoral people, they will become corrupted human beings. Without the high moral standards from Fi users, an INFJ’s Fe parent is incapable of absorbing the right morals causing them to behave unethically. If they are unable to use high ethical standards to make others better people, the sole purpose for the INFJ’s existence will go to waste. Likewise, the INTJs who choose to surround themselves with unintelligent people will ultimately become stupid. High Ti users ensure that the rationale of the INTJ’s Te parent is correct, verifying their belief systems. In void of Ti’s logical processing of their Te input, an INTJ’s thinking will be wrong and hinder their ability to improve thinking in others. INJs will ultimately fail at the game of life and become useless if they encircle themselves with the wrong people. Therefore, it is of the utmost importance for these two types to choose their allies wisely.
Accept that no one will ever fully understand the depth of your heart and mind as being the rarest types comes at an obvious cost. The ones who come close to understanding are the ones that determine our futures. At times it’s easy to write off injustices inflicted on you by the ones you hold closest. Se inferior can only recall so much because we are so preoccupied with the present or mapping out our futures. This is our downfall. We undeservingly forgive the ones we love again and again in hopes that they, somewhere deep inside, deserve our loyalty. Have enough respect for yourself to cut these kinds of people out of your life, and above all else, learn when it’s time to let go.
Press the reset button
Harness the courage to set fire to your unhealthy relationships and burn them to the ground. Do this by cutting off all contact because, at this point, even the sight of this person will trigger Si Demon memories that you and the other person have shared, serving as a constant reminder of the pain. If you are not growing and improving others the only option is to press the reset button on life for the sake of your own future. Toxicity from that relationship infects every aspect of your being. It’s better to be alone than allow the negativity of others to be in control of your own future. Therefore, “door slamming” anyone who is hindering your potential is not only perfectly healthy but essential so that you can be the catalyst for change the world needs.
C. S. Joseph
Founder, CEO – CSJ.life
As an INTJ I couldn’t agree more. I wasted 2 years of my life trying to gain the loyalty back from a toxic narcissist. The only positive thing that came from that relationship was that I now know what my DEMON is capable of and WOW. Can the intense adrenaline fueled rage of the Demon function be harassed and used in a positive way?
What if I’m an INTJ and experiencing this tendency to “door slam” an INTP? His Ti has not prevented our relationship as siblings to gradually decay. He has broken my trust so many times now that I’m unsure of a way he could even begin to restore it.