Season 3, Episode 12 Transcript
Chase: Hey guys. This is Chase with csjoseph.life. I’m doing another video on the 16 personalities as part of this series. Tonight’s video is the INFJ, the most requested video I have ever received so far. Got a lot of people on Twitter asking me as well as Discord on this one so, you know what? It’s probably gonna be a longer video than the ones we’ve done. I know the INTJ one was pretty long but there’s a lot to cover with the INFJ because of how complicated they are.
Chase: I love how complicated they are. They’re actually probably one of my most favorite types. I love all the NJs. The NJs are my favorite personally, so … But anyway yeah, so, trusty whiteboard, ta-da, and the INFJ, introverted intuitive feeling judging, also known as the sage. See it through type, direct responding movement. They move quick. Sometimes I wish they’d slow down. Not gonna happen though. They’re also … What are they also … Idealists, that’s right. The Idealist. The idealist who is all about perfectionism, yay, INFJ perfectionism. I got to be perfect and gosh, I hate INFJ perfectionism, I just want to kind of slap them sometimes over that because then they come off as someone who’s super arrogant and prideful at the same time which is not their intention but that’s how they’re coming off, right? It’s because Ti child has to be right and because Fe parent automatically believes that they are like the ultimate socialista who can navigate any social situation and they know people. It’s like you try to teach type to an INFJ, and they’re like, “I don’t need that. I already know people. In fact, I know people better than I know you.” It’s like, “Yeah. If that was the case you wouldn’t be alienating all of your friends and complaining that you were alone all the time. Yeah.”
Chase: Anyway, so the INFJ. Four parts of the mind, ego, INFJ subconscious ESTP, unconscious or shadow ENFP, and the superego is the ISTJ. So antihero. It’s all about choosing the best path forward. INFJs are extremely wanty. They’re all about what they want. Never try to tell the INFJ what they should do, only what they want to do. Always ask them what they want. Always give them the choice to make a decision on what they want. If you take away that choice, they’ll get very ragey very quickly because of Se inferior. Fe parent is that thing that makes them super social justice oriented. Kind of like the ISFJ but not as justice-focused. They’re just more focused on fairness and they expect fairness and they really expect other people to have moral behavior. I don’t know how many INFJs have been getting in my face and I’m an ENTP with Fi trickster, right? So I don’t have morality but then the INFJ is judging me because I don’t have morality or whatever, while simultaneously claiming that they know people. Okay, yeah. If an INFJ doesn’t know type, they don’t know people and if they’re just judging you for being soulless or moralless or not having feelings, that’s because they don’t understand you even though they claim they understand everyone, like hypocrites. They need to stop. Please stop doing that and learn to understand people instead, please. It’s better that way.
Chase: The INFJ’s purpose in life, for those INFJs watching, your purpose in life is to make people better. Your number one export is to improve others. That’s it. Improve other people. That is how useful you are. That’s funny because INFJs desperately want to be the most useful tool in the tool shed. Why? Well, Fi critic. INFJs literally walk around believing that they’re bad people, that they’re worthless every single day, and they’re constantly trying to overcompensate with Se inferior and Fe parent to try to prove that they are useful. They overcompensate and at times because they’re overcompensating, because of that performance anxiety they have with Se inferior, the fourth function, why? Well, because the fourth function is where their fear exists and they’re afraid of giving people a bad experience and afraid of coming off poorly or sounding bad or looking bad and they spend lots of time in the mirror … Gosh. Don’t be so insecure about it.
Chase: INFJs are amazing. I love how they dress. I love the scents, the clothing, how they do their hair. They’re absolutely fantastic. They have no reason to be insecure about how they look or how they sound. They’ll even go so far as to lower their voice and start whispering and it’s the INFJ whisper, INFJ [inaudible 00:05:10], and it’s like they’re talking to you and they got their voice very [inaudible 00:05:16] and it seems so meek and it’s so fake at the same time. It’s like, “Come on, just be real with me. Stop being so insecure,” because if they’re real about their voice and they have a real voice instead of this little INFJ whisper crap, they get over their insecurity, they sound like a very commanding ESTP alpha type person which is who the INFJ wants to be anyway and have their own little wolf pack that are super loyal to them. If they’d just get over their insecurity they’d probably get that wolf pack very easily. No, I am not talking about furryism or other kin. Like don’t even go there with me. That’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about a close group of friends where they completely regard the INFJ in a big way, regard, respect, appreciate, give them recognition because Fe parent craves recognition.
Chase: It’s not like credit like how INTJs do it but it’s recognition of appreciation, saying thank you, please, thank you … They expect everyone else to have those manners, to be able to say thank you right, thank you for helping me because they could do that. The problem is, Fe parent can get so … It can even force that so much because they’re like, “Well, I am so responsible with being social and how other people feel that you need to be responsible about it too.” So they start forcing people to have manners, right? Even though INFJs do not often keep up with their own manners, but they start forcing everyone else to behave mannerly and behave morally and whatnot. They have this insanely high moral standard for themselves with their Fi critic that that just causes others to be alienated. Not everybody can handle that. Like NFPs can handle that, which is fine, and some … Even NPs in general can handle that because their introverted sensing can put up with that type of punishment from that Se inferior, but only Fe parent or Fe hero can actually stand the punishment given by Fi parent in the long run so it’s like, “Okay, what do I do?” How do you even navigate that?
Chase: Well, you got to call them out. It’s like, “Okay, so if you’re expecting me to be so moral in this social situation, then why is it last week that you were swearing at this one person or whatever and you’re really ragey and you look like a fool and whatnot.” Just bring up the past. Talk about all the times they’ve had moral failures and remind them that they’re not the best person that they imagine themselves to be or the most social person that they imagine themselves to be or the most perfect person that they imagine themselves to be. Quite frankly, they really don’t. Again, they walk around feeling worthless all the time. It’s just a façade. It’s a façade that they put up, a façade of pride that they put up because of their Se inferior. Se inferior is so insecure of giving someone else a bad experience. It’s performance anxiety. They are so insecure of performing badly and then people not valuing them anymore because they just want other people to value them. The problem is is that they alienate those people, that super high moral standard that they hold for themselves and then they expect others with Fe parent to follow that high moral standard that they have for themselves.
Chase: It’s impossible to even do. An INFJ can’t even keep up with their own high moral standard, right? They’re hypocrites in that way so what do you even do? It just alienates people and the INFJ wonders, “Why am I even alone?” Come on. Get over yourself. Stop holding people to this impossibly high standard. Stop holding yourself to this impossibly high standard. Oh wait, you can’t.
Chase: So what you have to recognize is the truth, use your Ti child, your introverted thinking child. The truth is, some people just can’t uphold that super high moral standard and you know what? Ti child, Fe parent, be okay with it. Understand that people are not like you. Seriously, understand that. INFJs, they’re also mirrors. They mirror behavior. If you put an INFJ in a group of bad people, they will become bad. They’ll pick up all the habits because that Se inferior, because that insecurity will just start absorbing all those habits, will start absorbing everything that group does. They’ll start behaving the same way, saying the same things, interested in the same things. I mean, it’s very easy to create an INFJ Satanist. Just leave them around Satan worshipers and then you have an INFJ Satanist or a cultist just instantly. Or insert any religion or spirituality there, because the INFJ just doesn’t really care because the INFJ just wants to latch onto somebody else or a very close knit group of people and they want to create this family-like blood oath-like environment where everyone is just super, super almost to the point of being in love with each other but die-hard about each other, die-hard loyalty to each other. Willing to take bullets for themselves, you know? Willing to take bullets for their peers in this group. It’s because the INFJ walks around thinking that they will definitely take a bullet for any of their friends.
Chase: Hell, I even know INFJs that will rob stores for their friends. If their friend can’t afford something, they’ll literally go shoplift and give their friend that thing. It’s like, “Are you kidding me?” I actually picked up an INFJ from jail one time because of that. That was awkward, and after that day I never had anything to do with her again. Thank God, but that was a pretty rough … That was a rough day. I don’t recommend that.
Chase: So yeah, INFJs, just understand like … You have to understand the truth. Use your Ti child. What’s true or false? Because it’s true that not everyone can uphold your super high moral standard, right? So then if that’s true, then stop forcing other people to behave the same way you behave. It’s not fair, it’s not right, and it alienates people. Stop alienating them. Please. If you stop alienating people, if people stop feeling like more holier than thou or they stop feeling like they have to meet your moral standard to make you happy, et cetera, then they’re not gonna feel like they don’t want to be around you anymore. I mean, I’m sorry, but literally, every single INFJ I know, everyone suffers from this problem, and the only ones that have been able to cope with this issue are the ones that create these little circles, these little wolf packs of people that just follow them around. It’s kind of like Jesus and the 12 disciples basically. Jesus was an INFJ, huh. It makes a lot more sense because of that. Fine, you can be that Fi critic, I have this super high moral standard with my really close bros, but everyone else in the outside, please have a different attitude and be more understanding.
Chase: Please INFJs, I need you to be more understanding. If you’re supposed to be the Avatar that is the point of the spear, the tip of the pyramid, the capstone that really is what divides the world and brings about new social change and new social order, that tears down the system and then rebuilds a complete new one for the betterment of mankind as we know it, what business do you have alienating other people with your super stupidly high moral standard that you yourself can’t even follow? It doesn’t even make sense. Stop doing it, please. It’s abusive. It’s emotionally abusive. Don’t do it. Like seriously, don’t do it. Anyway, think I’ve beat that horse a bit much.
Chase: The other thing with Fe parent, you gotta watch out, INFJs can be guilty any second. They could go zero to guilt instantly and they are so easily guilted. If you’re in a relationship with an INFJ, don’t guilt them. Seriously, don’t guilt them. It’s not fair. Seriously, it’s not fair. They can be easily taken advantage when it comes to guilt to the point where they’re actually doing behaviors as a result and making decisions and doing actions as a result of said guilt that they would have never normally been okay with doing but they’re doing it because they love you so much and because you’re guilting them, they’re being manipulated in doing that. They could be easily manipulated with guilt and don’t do it. Like seriously, don’t guilt them. It’s one of their biggest weaknesses is guilt.
Chase: Now sometimes though when you do guilt them and they know you’re being insincere about it and they know that they’re being unfairly guilted, they will get ragey and violent with their ESTP subconscious. That ESTP will come out and that Ti child will come out and they will start criticizing you, holding you responsible for every little thing that you’ve ever done or never potentially done. INFJs are aware of opportunity cost, like social opportunity cost. It’s like, “You had this opportunity to do this nice thing for me but you never did it.” All of a sudden, they’re in your face, questioning your loyalty to them. Why? Well, because Se inferior needs loyalty. INFJs need loyalty more than everything. Why else do you think an INFJ like Jesus said, “If you’re ashamed of me then I’m ashamed of you.” That’s the entire point, it’s Se inferior. Se inferior is about you need to be loyal to me.
Chase: Why? Because if I go out of my way to care for you and to tell you how I think about things, criticize you to improve you because Ti child is all about criticizing everybody, but it’s always from the point of trying to improve others. I’m going to criticize you until I’m blue in the face until you feel like a horrible human being but because you’re broken down, now I can build you back up again. Yeah, that’s Ti child. It’s not that they’re intentionally trying to hurt you. You have to look at Ti child like this. Ti child is hellfire, and it exists, hellfire exists to burn the lies away. That’s how it works. Ti child is just telling you the truth to burn the lies away and then because you know the truth, then you won’t have that problem anymore, right? It’s all from the point of view of trying to solve your problems. That’s what INFJs like doing, they try to solve problems and solve your problems so that you don’t have to feel bad anymore because they’re like, “Well, if you didn’t purchase that car, you wouldn’t be having a bad experience right now. If you listened to what I said.”
Chase: The problem is is it’s like a child in sometimes their thinking is not always 100% correct. So they really need to be around somebody who is rational because rationale is something that will help guide them in their thinking and give them additional reference points so that they can constantly check that their logic is actually accurate.
Chase: Now because it’s Ti child, very innocent and they end up taking things so literally that while they being literalists and that can be annoying, it does help them actually stay accurate, which is great because of how literal they are. ENFJs are also extremely literal in that same way, but INFJs take it even further with Ti child. Ti child can be absolutely brilliant. Every INFJ I know for the most part is brilliant in some way, shape, or form. A lot of people think it’s social brilliance, [inaudible 00:17:40]. I know some INFJs who understand psychology in ways that I [inaudible 00:17:44]. I was actually mentored in this science, depth psychology, by an INFJ and he’s got his super close group of friends and he focuses on them and their well-being and holds them to his super high moral standard and what not and I even had the opportunity to become a member of his close group of friends but life didn’t work out in that way. The point is is that they go out of their way for people. To their own detriment. They can be walking doormats. Why? Well, Fi critic. They feel worthless. They don’t feel like they deserve good things in life. That’s why INFJs don’t really buy themselves things that often unless it’s for like a person of helping somebody else or for them to get a job so they can help their family because they need income for some reason.
Chase: Fi critic, it goes even worse sometimes. Some INFJs don’t even take care of themselves. For example, I spent a lot of time mentoring INFJs because I am an ENTP. ENTPs are the pedagogue relationship with INFJ so we actually teach INFJs a lot and INFJs each ENTPs a lot which is great. It’s a great relationship to have, but I’ve noticed a lot of the INFJs that I’ve actually mentored over the years, they don’t know how to drive. It’s so weird. It’s just a common thing. They just don’t know how to drive because they have no ethical reason for them to drive. They’re not going to learn how to drive unless they’re driving for the sake of someone else. That’s the problem with INFJs. They don’t really take care of themselves unless it’s for the sake of another human being. The problem is is that especially male INFJs, they don’t realize that if they don’t esteem themselves, that they’re literally going to wake up at 30 or 40 years old and they are the most worthless human beings on the planet. Then they call me and ask me for advice. That’s super common. Don’t be that INFJ. Don’t be that loser. Don’t be worthless, seriously, don’t be worthless. Spend time now in your youth to make yourself better and don’t have failure launch syndrome.
Chase: Did you guys know that out of all the types the INFJ has the highest chance of all the types to have failure to launch syndrome? To like actually not leave the home when they come of age, when they grow up? Do you guys realize that? They stagnate. They stagnate. Why? “I don’t deserve to be good or things didn’t work out for me.” They’re walking excuses boxes. They make all these excuses about, “Well, I never got a degree so no one’s ever going to believe me that I’m smart.” It’s like, “What are you talking about?” INFJs are amazing. They’re amazing at sales for example. Why? Well, they have an ENFP unconscious. Of course they’re amazing at sales. They’ll dominate at sales. Come on guys, wake up. That’s how it works. They can be amazing at construction. I had an INFJ friend that I had when I was growing up. He was one of the best painters I’ve ever seen, he was a professional painter. You guys think that painting seems really easy, there’s not a lot to it? There’s a lot to it. You kind of have to be brilliant to do painting properly. Let’s be honest. It’s hard and it’s hard work.
Chase: Their Se inferior has that axis, the ESTP subconscious. So when it comes to mechanical things, they can develop a mechanical genius and a mechanical mastery if they apply themselves. The problem is good luck trying to get an INFJ to apply themselves. Good luck. “I don’t deserve to apply myself. No one’s gonna feel that they like what I do and I feel worthless and useless all the time even though I want to be the most useful person in the tool shed.” It’s like, “Guys, stop being a walking contradiction and realize you’re already brilliant and you already have the skills within. Just develop them, have faith.” “Well I don’t have faith because I have Si demon. I need to have other people to see other people have faith in me.” You know what guys? I do have faith in you. I do. You can’t walk around anymore saying that no one believes in you. I believe in INFJs. I take them very seriously. The only reason why people think that you’re worthless is because you think you’re worthless. Stop doing it. Seriously, stop.
Chase: So Se inferior insecurity, afraid of giving other people bad experience. Now Ne nemesis. We talked about Ne nemesis yesterday with INTJs. They are very paranoid just like INTJs to the point where the INFJ will often accuse their lover of cheating on them all the time and it’s especially as a result, it’s very common for INFJs to tell their partner that they … And accuse them of cheating, just because that partner is not spending as much time with them as they used to. Se inferior needs loyalty, die-hard loyalty, die-hard consistency. They have to have consistency and if all of a sudden you as their lover is out of pattern, their Ne nemesis instantly jumps to the conclusion that you’re cheating on them.
Chase: I have a friend actually, a very close of mine. He’s married to an INFJ and every now and then his brother needs help or a family member but it’s usually his brother and he goes and he hangs out with his brother or spends the afternoon with him. He hasn’t seen him in a while. His brother travels the country on a regular basis, so he’s not often around. He goes and hangs out with his brother and sometimes it’s not planned and because it’s not planned he comes home to his INFJ wife accusing him of banging his own brother. Like that is super disrespectful and she’s only doing that because she’s spiteful. Spiteful with that Fi critic. “Oh, you’re not holding up to … You’re not being consistent enough for me and you’re not following my super high moral standard right now so because of that you’re obviously cheating on me. You’re obviously sleeping with your brother right now.” That is super disrespectful. I’ll be honest, I ended a very, very close relationship with an INFJ because of that, because of that disrespect where she disrespected me so badly in that way four times and after four times I’m just like, my sense of self-respect kicked in and it’s like, “Yeah, no, I can’t do this anymore. We’re done.” I literally walked away from her.
Chase: Never push away a loyal person to the point where they no longer give a damn. The problem is, INFJs, with their Fe parent, they push people away. They do these loyalty checks. Remember me talking about the ESTP in the ESTP video, they’re all about reality checks, they’re all about loyalty checks, right? Well, when they get insecure, this ESTP side gets insecure instead of being aspirational like it should be and they push people away and they do this loyalty check. “Here, let me push you over a cliff to see if you’ll still like me afterwards. Let’s see if you really are loyal to me. Oh hey, I’m gonna go sleep with this person in a data center when you’re not looking just to see if you’ll still be willing to be in a relationship with me.” That’s how crazy those loyalty checks can get. I mean that you’d think that the ESTP loyalty checks are hard or you would accuse them of being abusive. Wait until you see the loyalty checks for an INFJ. They can be way over the top. It’s like, are you kidding me and why are they over the top?
Chase: Ni hero. Ni hero could just go way too far with it. Absolutely way too far because they can’t gauge the level of experience you’re going to deliver when you’re shoving that much Ni through an Se outlet. It just starts coming out like a giant [inaudible 00:25:48] and then you’re like, “Whoa, what the hell was that?” You know what I mean? You get whiplash, right? [inaudible 00:25:56] not control, ESTPs are very control-based, but because an INFJ ego is movement, it just comes at you way too quick and it’s like, “Whoa, I just got whip-lashed with this loyalty check. I’m not sure I want to be in this relationship any more.” Then they accuse you of being inconsistent and disloyal and it’s like but you pushed me this far. Who’s right? Yeah, that would be me. That’s right, not the INFJ, sorry.
Chase: So remember, INFJs have this loyalty check problem. It’s a serious issue. They have this paranoia problem. It’s another serious issue. They need loyalty and quite frankly only a few types are actually capable of giving them that loyalty and that’s Si child types, INTPs and INFPs, and Si inferior types, ENTPs and ENFPs. They really need that hardcore loyalty and I’ll even admit that yes, I have Si inferior and I am hardcore loyal when it comes to my relationships. I take them very seriously. I am not here to waste her time and I am … For example, if I’m gonna share my body with somebody, that means I’m willing to take a bullet for her. I refuse to have any sexual contact of any kind until I’ve resolved in my mind no greater love than when a man gives up his life or his beloved, which means I’d be willing to take a bullet for her, right? So because I have that Si inferior point of view, I can be in a relationship with an INFJ, but who else can actually go that far? Who can maintain that consistency? Even though that’s really high loyalty and high consistency, that’s still at times not good enough for the INFJ, especially if they’re insecure.
Chase: If the INFJ is insecure, those loyalty checks can go even too far to push me over the brink. It’s like, are you kidding me? You know what I mean? It’s ridiculous. They need to stop doing this and I really hope they do.
Chase: So we talked a lot about Fi critic already, about how they walk around being … Feeling worthless, feeling like a bad person all the time. To really solve the Fi critic problem, you have to go out of your way to make them feel loved, to make them feel valued by saying thank you for everything you do for me. You have to give them recognition. You have to give them kudos. They live on kudos. They need kudos from you to make them feel better.
Chase: Also, by the way, an amazing gift to give an INFJ, INFJs really get off on shinies. If you go to a trade show and you see someone selling knickknacks and they have this sphere of copper that’s as big as a fist, buy that for your INFJ. They’ll think it’s the greatest thing ever, as weird as that sounds. They love jewelry, they love Bling. Bring on the Bling, bring on the jewelry. You’ll make your INFJ the happiest person in the world. Why? Because Se inferior takes away their insecurity and they get to look good in front of people. Yay. Yes. So get them jewelry. Get them anything that makes them look good. Get them clothing. Anything that makes them look good. A super amazing and awesome car like an Audi. Anything like that. They crave that. If you’re an Fi, Te user, you’re obviously all about having status so you got status. That INFJ craves to get that status from you because they have ENFP unconscious and it just has to have that status that you have because the INFJ wants to be regarded. The INFJ wants to be valued as the most useful human being on the planet.
Chase: You know what? INFJs are. INFJs can literally be the most useful person on the planet but they can also be the most worthless person on the planet. That goes a lot into their virtue and vice. Their virtue is integrity, their vice is corruption. Another way of looking at is being super, super mega useful or being super, super mega worthless. You have INFJ at 30 to 40 years old and they have done nothing with their life and they’re still living with their parents because they’re making excuses about how they were never good enough, they never got a chance. They never had a chance. It’s like, “You never had a chance because you never allowed yourself to have a chance. That’s not my fault, that’s on you.” They’re like, “Oh yeah, you’re right,” and then they actually buck up and make it happen. But good thing about INFJ, they can grow rapid fast. So even if you are 30 years old and an INFJ and you’ve wasted your life, within two years, you can make up all that lost time.
Chase: Like very easily if you know all the steps, so if you get educated, if you look at what other people have done in the past, and you start thinking to yourself, “Okay, what’s the true path about it?” Then you plot yourself a course with Ni hero, the one true path, the most efficient and effective path forward because extraverted intuition is looking at all of the paths available. Introverted intuition is about looking for that one ideal path and then following that one path to the goal. It’s all about being goal-oriented in that way, and INFJs can bounce back faster than anyone else. Even with their health. Si demon actually makes INJs unhealthy. INFJs will start working and do things, INTJs as well, and they won’t even realize that they’ve cut themselves. Believe it or not, Si demons end up having the rarest diseases but because they have Ni hero, it can get through the rarest of diseases. How many times have you heard an INFJ, “I had this insanely huge blood clot and I was dying on the table but I survived.” They have these crazy survival stories. Every INJ does, especially INFJs. They have these crazy survival stories. Just ask them, and they’ll tell you how much of a survivor they are.
Chase: Even my past INFJ girlfriend survived some insane things from her family and from things that are not even connected to her family and it’s like, “Wow,” on top of having a horrible debilitating disease, and she still made it through anyway because that Ni hero is literally able to will through life. It’s astounding what INFJs are actually able to go through and accomplish. Just look at all the INFJs in history and what they’ve been able to accomplish. Look at Gandhi for example. Literally a revolution against the British and he didn’t even fire a single shot and he earned himself the title of Mahatma. Come on guys. That’s how powerful INFJs can be. They can literally make people better. They can really inspire social change. They can be and are an inspiration. They just have to realize that they’re not as worthless as the voices in their heads tell them they are and they need to stop listening to the voices in their heads, they need to stop making excuses and get off their asses and actually do something useful for once.
Chase: Engage with people, talk to people, make people feel better, improve them, tell people the truth. That’s what they have to do is tell people the truth. The truth divides the soul. It helps people grow, it burns the lies away and they’re able to wake up and improve themselves. Why? Because when you burn down the forest, new life grows. That’s what introverted thinking child is all about and they’re doing it innocently. They’re innocently telling you what they think. They’re not trying to really harm you or hurt you. They’re not trying to make you feel like an idiot. They’re not trying to sound prideful even though they come off prideful, “I think this and I don’t care what you think.” Why? Well, Te trickster. Te trickster is not aware of what other people think. INFJs are only aware of that they think themselves. They’re not aware of what other people think. They’re not aware of processes. Never let an INFJ do finances, that’s a bad idea, unless of course they understand Mint.com and they can handle their finances that way, but they always need help. Don’t let them do that.
Chase: Especially with financial decisions, be really careful with that because an INFJ is liable to give away all of your money instead of actually spending it on making proper financial decisions. At least a lot of the immature ones. Mature ones who have done that in their immaturity days when they were immature and did give away all their money then realize that that was a bad idea later when they matured. Please encourage them in that area of maturity if you know what I mean. They really need help in the financial area. Rationale is just not their thing. They don’t do data, they don’t do spreadsheets. Why? They try to calculate everything in their head. Like an INFJ in school, let’s be honest. They’re literally that person that would get in trouble for not showing their work [inaudible 00:34:47] because they’re trying to do everything in their head with their Ti child and then all of a sudden we’re giving them zeros. Even though they have the correct answer, we’re giving them zeros on their assignments in school because they’re not showing the work. Well, they can’t do it because they have Te trickster.
Chase: I’m sorry. Show me an INFJ physicist that’s showing their work all the time. You can’t. Stop. Stop holding people to these stupid standards. Not everybody is a Te user, public school system. Seriously, you’re making it really bad for INFJs and ISFJs because they both have Te trickster. Maybe our society should wake up about that. Oh, well, you know, not like that’s gonna happen. I guess maybe an ISFJ should stop making excuses and actually reform things for once. That’d be nice, but instead, they’re making excuses, sitting at home right now feeling worthless. Great. That’s useful.
Chase: So Si demon as we talked about, they’re all about … It hurts their body, they don’t even understand. They contract these diseases but Ni hero is how they get out of it of course. Here’s the problem with Si demon. It can become the ISTJ superego. The ISTJ superego is dangerous because they can get super paranoid with their Ne nemesis and … The lighting is horrible right now … See if I can actually … There we go. Gonna keep it a little bit closer to the camera now.
Chase: So Si demon will sell you down river basically. Their Ne nemesis can get so paranoid that they’ll immediately assume, they will assume you’ve betrayed them, and their Se inferior will just start enraging over the betrayal. “I have contributed all those things to you,” because INFJs are all about contributing to other people and improving other people. “I have been a doormat for you. I have sacrificed so much of my life for you. I have given you everything. How dare you betray me.” They go in Si demon mode becoming the ISTJ superego, and they will immediately sell you down river. They elect themselves similar to the INTJ ISFJ demon, elect themselves judge, jury and executioner. They’ll look at all the evidence that they have in their head, not looking at any of your evidence, not even giving you any defense, and they will literally cut your head off. They will literally throw you into the pit of lions. They don’t care. They don’t care. They’ve already made up their decision in their mind. Even though it’s not true and they’re assuming and they jump to a conclusion. Be careful.
Chase: How you avoid Si demon? You always reinforce your loyalty. You always demonstrate your loyalty to the INFJ. You always tell them how much you appreciate them and their contributions to you. You always tell them what the plan is. INFJs can’t plan to save their lives because Te trickster, yet they’re a J type so they have to have a plan. So how do they deal with that? They ask you to come up with the plan and then because that plan is the standard with which they can work in, its boundaries with which they work in, just like you have to tell them how you feel. If you don’t tell hem how you feel they don’t know with which boundaries to work in, they don’t understand the rules because they’re looking for you to give them the rules because they’re a J type, they need the rules and boundaries with which to work in. If you don’t give that to them, they’re gonna freak out and then they’re gonna feel like they’re not being useful anymore and then all of a sudden, they start feeling worthless. They don’t think they’re contributing to you, even though they are, but because you’re not telling them how you feel about them, because you’re not giving them recognition that they need.
Chase: You gotta meet their needs. Any type is in a relationship with another one, you have to meet their needs so identify their needs. They need you to appreciate them and recognize them. Public praise as well, not just personal praise. You gotta do it in front of other people so they feel valued by everyone. It helps beat back the worthlessness feeling that they have inside them every single day, and that will never go away. Hard as they try, it will never go away. The only way they can compensate with that is by being super useful and super contributory to others and hoping, hoping to God almighty that those people will appreciate them for once. I appreciate you, INFJs. I think you’re fantastic. Seriously. Wake up and realize just how amazing you are. Every type is amazing but INFJs to me personally, I love them. They’re fantastic. They can go super far and they can really change the world if they apply them.
Chase: My firstborn son is an INFJ. I take it very seriously and I am proud he is an INFJ. I will go out of my way forever and ever so long as I draw breath to make sure that he always knows I appreciate him so he doesn’t feel so worthless every day.
Chase: Always ask an INFJ what they think. They’re innocent with what they think and because of that innocence, because it’s a child, it’s accurate. It’s actually accurate. Now if what they’re telling you is inaccurate, it’s because they don’t have all the information. So give them all the information and have them rethink it again and guess what? It will come out accurate again. However, an INFJ that spends time actually using their Se inferior and getting over their insecurity, they start researching and that makes their Te child even more capable, which makes them more accurate, which makes them brilliant. Seriously encourage their Se inferior. Let them know how amazing they are in bed.
Chase: I’m sorry, like, having bedroom relations with an INFJ is fantastic for Si inferiors. I know, I am one and I’ve done that, and it’s also fantastic for Si child. Give them kudos on that. Tell them how great of a job they do and if they’re doing poorly, tell them that they are so they can improve it and then after improving them, give them recognition and thanks for that, for crafting that amazing experience. You are just a canvas with which they want to paint upon because that’s what extraverted sensing inferior is all about. Always be consistent for Se inferior. Always be loyal for Se inferior, so that they always know [inaudible 00:41:22] your consistency and if you start going out of pattern, recognize you’re going out of pattern and tell them why so their Ne nemesis won’t get paranoid and assume that you’re about to betray them. All these things can be avoided with just communicating with them. You just need to communicate with them and communicate with them in the ways that they need you to communicate with them.
Chase: It’s very easy to do. Tell them how you feel. Give them the recognition or the credit in that way or the recognition and appreciation. Always ask them what they think. Be honest with them, tell them how great they look or how they sound or how they smell or how they are in bed. Congratulate them on them. Give them things that they can consume. Like, “Here’s some information about what you were telling me you were thinking the other day. You might like it.” Then they learn about it and they become even smarter and more strong. It’s amazing. Again, communicate with them so that they’re not worried that you might betray them or that you have hostile intent toward them because they assume everyone has hostile intent. Why? Well, they know what they want, but that causes them not to trust what other people want. Remember, Fi critic. They need you. They need you to make sure that they are not worthless so if you need help, always state help and give them the opportunity to help. Give them the opportunity to contribute. If you take an INFJ’s opportunities to help you, like if you refuse to let them do the dishes for example when they offer to do the dishes, you’ve just made them feel like the most worthless human being in the world. Don’t do that to them. Like seriously, don’t do that.
Chase: Recognize they have weakness with Te trickster. They’re just not aware what other people think and they start talking and sharing their thoughts with people and those people are already like, “Yeah, I already know that. Why are you telling me?” They don’t know that those other people know that. So step in those situations when you know that these people already know that, be like, “Hold on. They already know that because x, y and z,” and then the INFJ is not at risk of alienating those people. They’re just trying to be useful and tell the truth, and that’s how they use their usefulness. To help deal with Fi critic, they overcompensate with Ti child to try to be useful, right? Well, because they have Te trickster it actually can alienate people because those people already know that and it’s as if the INFJ is talking down to them and they end up feeling like the INFJ is being holier than thou when that’s not actually their original intention. Don’t do that.
Chase: Obviously Si demon. As long as you’re consistent in taking care of the Se inferior, you’ll never have to worry about Si demon, other than that Si demon hurts their bodies, but if you take care of your body and you’re in a relationship with an INFJ because you’re likely an Si user and you have self-discipline and you’re committed to health and eating organic, non-GMO food and going to the gym and watching your macronutrients and your micronutrients and following a proper gym routine at least three to four times a week forever for the rest of your life, the INFJ will do it too because they are mirrors and they will mirror you and then their Si demon won’t creep up and destroy their health because Si demon means they have no self-discipline. They don’t even have a proper regular sleeping pattern, but you as an Si user, knowing what you’re comfortable with, they will mirror that because they are committed with their Se inferior, they are afraid of making you uncomfortable and they always want you to be comfortable and then you having a sleeping pattern means that’s what comfortable to you, then they will follow your sleeping pattern and because of that they will be protected from their Si demon.
Chase: So really long video, right? There’s a lot of data to cover with INFJs because they’re probably the most misunderstood of all the types. I often think that the ENTP’s really misunderstood. Nope, it’s actually the INFJ, believe it or not. Well, obviously, one out of every 200 people on this planet is an INFJ, .5% of the population of the planet. Duh. You know what I mean? Anyway, towards the first half of the video I was kinda really harsh and critical of INFJs but at the end it’s kinda like, “Yeah, well, they’re actually amazing and here’s why.” You know what I mean? Understand I’m trying to do these videos from a point of not being biased, but I also have to be completely real in my criticisms of this type, especially with how important the INFJ is. The INFJ, like I said, is the apex or the tip of the spear that really drives change for people because the INFJ out of everyone is willing to lay their life on the line for the sake of their fellow man. Every single one of them, and the rest of us should learn from that and respect them and appreciate them for that. I know I do, so …
Chase: Anyway, if you found this video helpful or educational or enlightening, please leave a like and a subscribe to the channel to support the channel. I’d really appreciate that. Also, if you know any INFJs out there, please share this video with them. I’d really appreciate it. They just don’t understand themselves and why they do it and it really hurts them and it can cause a lot of social problems when what we need them is to be leading us and leading in the front instead of trying to have so much conflict. You know what I mean? So share this video with them. It will help open their eyes to the reality of who they are just as much as any of my other videos obviously. So share those too, please, and then as a result, we’ll start being able to see some positive change. It’s especially helpful if you can give it to younger people because the more INFJs we can prevent from having failure to launch syndrome, the better obviously. So cool. I’m gonna be starting a new nurture series on the four pillars of self-intimacy and I’m going to be doing the ISFJ personality video next, so great. I’ll see you tomorrow. Have a good night.
Thank you so much for this. I read the transcript and found it so informative and helpful! I am an infj and this really helps me understand myself better. Thank you so much.
That video really opened my eyes and I was wondering if there’s a book of your suggestion that I could read to know about my INFJ personality or any book that’d help. I could use a guide. I’m a 26 year old medical graduate from India and I could really use some help.
As an INFJ, I feel seen. Thank you.
Thank you for this. You’ve nailed it. I thought myself like a failure (to launch) because of a few bad experiences in life. I still feel worthless and guilt often, learned to live with it, and am working to recognize and love my true self better… for what it is worth and to get her what she deserves.
As an INFJ, I got some useful information, but must admit that I pictured in my mind CSJ’s personal relationships (and subjective) with some “INFJs” in his life, cycling back and forth between him and his INFJ ex girlfriend, him and his MBTI INFJ mentor, and in between his astute MBTI profiler knowledge would get objective and that’s when I gained new insights.
I think he would benefit if he would also study about Cluster B Personality Disorders to complement his knowledge about MBTI Personality types. One is a disorder of the personality which you can throw out the MBTI book because all Cluster B Personality Disorder types follow the same pattern of behaviors, like they all read from the same book, the other his a road map to maturity that’s tailored made for each of the 16 Personality Types.
I believe INFJ’s have closely related traits to PD (narcissists) except there’s one very crucial difference, INFJs have the highest Emotional Intelligence while all Cluster B Personality Disorders have the lowest Emotion Intelligence (the infamous INFJ mistypes), INFJs minds (speaking from life experiences) defaults in a harmony state that is constructive while Personality Disorders are in a constant state of disharmony that are destructive. I bring this up best when he gets into his INFJ ex girlfriend comparison (when his tonality changes) and it seems the break up is still fresh in his mind, and his starts profiling her, I was thinking at those moments, dude you’re describing a Cluster B Personality disorder person and their modus operandi.
I love my ENTPs, INFJS need their unique qualities to burn down the status quo (the old world) with their extroverted energy and devil advocacy, so that the INFJs can regenerate, replant a new Garden of Eden (where every living thing is on harmony with each other) in the burnt ashes. ENTPs are like a fiery powerful dragon scorching the earth, while INFJs are immune to their dragon fire. ENTPs just want to live a rebellious life so they can frolick in their freedom, and where else can they do that best but inside an INFJ’s Garden of Eden? That, too me, makes a great power, dynamic friendship, besides the other ton of other reasons why ENTPs are awesome, INFJs’ Crusades needs ENTP knights at the frontline while we INFJs can work our magic behind the scenes and be the voice and face that is compassionate, influencing the masses that what we are doing together is best for advancing humanity.