Season 12, Episode 5 Transcript
Chase: 00:03 Hey, it’s CS Joseph with CSJoseph.life, doing yet another episode on Social Compatibility of the types, Social Compatibility being Friendship Compatibility, Face to Face, relationships plus Shoulder and Shoulder relationships melded together to create Social Compatibility. This algorithm is based on a weighted average between the Cognitive Functions to show the Functional Compatibility. Just before I go into that, we’re doing it on like the ENFJ’s, the Mentor for this particular episode here on YouTube or on the podcast. But I would like to actually throw out a disclaimer, I think it’s necessary to do that recently with some of the interactions I’ve had with some of the comments in the last couple of videos here on the YouTube channel. And also I got a call from a good INTP friend of mine who had additional questions and, reminded me that I needed to talk about the difference between Comradery and the difference between Compatibility.
Chase: 01:06 So Compatibility and Comradery are two separate things. And I’m focusing on the Compatibility component of Camaraderie is where people kind of end up having relationships with each other because of how similar they are. So for example, like NTJ’s working together on a project, or SFP’s creating something together, or STP’s you know, which kind of adds, kind of lends itself to more Shoulder to Shoulder related to relationships or IFJ’s or ISJ’s or NFJ’s or NTP’s. There’s a lot of subgroups within the types that can end up having, you know, Camaraderie with each other. Now, if you notice for a good example of this is right here with this ENFJ example, we go into ENFJ’s, we’ll get to the point where we’re going to talk about ENFJ versus INFJ being somewhat lacking in compatibility with Social Compatibility, but yet they’re both NFJ’s and my aunt and uncle for one, they’re married and they’re both an ENFJ and an INFJ for example.
Chase: 02:17 So those types of incompatible relationships can still happen. It just takes a lot more mental energy to maintain those relationships, be a friendship, or intimate relationships, even working professional relationships. It just takes a lot more mental energy as well as a lot more maturity, especially from the human nurture standpoint to be able to maintain those relationships. Not impossible but not ideal either. Right. And that’s kind of the point I’m trying to make with Compatibility here versus Comradery and NFJ’s have Comradery because they have those things in common, but there’s also really high Compatibility with types that don’t have much in common. So for example, although it’s interesting, I mean like the ENFJ’s, the INFP for this model is top compatibility, but you know, they do actually have some in common because the INFP Shadow is ENFJ. Or the ENFJ’s Shadow is the INFP for example.
Chase: 03:15 So it’s really how you toss the salad, but that’s why this is social compatibility, right? It’s not we’re not talking about Comradery. Another point like to make when it comes to the list of the 16 types that I’ve developed as a result of this algorithm, it’s all about level of depth, right? Level of depth. So you can have a really, really deep Social Relationship with these types. Get really, really deep with them because your type is cleaves really well with them. Whereas these are more shallow, a surface oriented relationships for acquaintances, etcetera. Kind of repeating myself when I say that and I get that, but I just really want to keep driving that home to draw that distinction with these particular lectures, etc. So, also this is also important because from an evolutionary standpoint and I mean micro evolutionary standpoint, right, it micro evolutionary standpoint with our psyches as we have developed over time as a race, especially all of our social systems, etcetera, there are redundancies to be able to have Compatibility and Comradery at play at the same time really just means that people can have relationships with all of the 16 types, which is fantastic, but at the same time there’s still ways to optimize those relationships and that, you know, it comes with having compatible Cognitive Functions of course.
Chase: 04:46 But that’s not to say that human beings cannot work together in combination of Camaraderie versus Compatibility, if you know what I mean. So and also Camaraderie also lends itself to opening, you know, up to Nurturual differences, Nurturual or similarities in the same way Compatibility does. It’s just a different dimension like imagining these, it’s like a cube and each in we’re only looking at one side of the cube here of Comraderies and the different types of Comraderies are there. Whereas the compatibility is also different as well. Compatibility from the Cognitive Functions point of view. Whereas you’re looking at Comradery between Interaction Styles, Camaraderie between Temperaments, right? A Camaraderie between NFJ’s versus NFP’s, NTP’s and NTJ’s etc. Or being Introverted Perceivers. Again, Camaraderie is still at play, but for the sake of this lecture and this season, we’re focusing on Social Compatibility according to the Cognitive Functions so that you understand that the mind, what the mind has to go through and what is least path because you want the mind to have the least possible friction or resistance when engaging to another person to have that really amazing one-on-one friendship.
Chase: 06:08 From a Social Compatibility standpoint, and yes, this is based on one on one. Relationships doesn’t necessarily mean face to face because you can still have shoulder to shoulder one-on-one, but remember social compatibility is a combination of face to face and shoulder to shoulder at the same time. So anyway, enough of that disclaimer, we’re going to be going right into the Mentor, also known as the ENFJ and it’s compatibility. So starting with our compatibility list over here, the ENFJ’s a really liked being around NP’s of the most then SJ’s, and NJ’s, and then SP’s. And then to go a little bit deeper than that, we have NFP’s, STJ’s, NTP’s, SFJ’s, SFP’s, NTJ’s, STP’s and fellow NFJ’s. Okay. And then the actual 16 type lists for the algorithm for the benefit of those listening today on the podcast and can’t see this white board.
Chase: 07:04 At the very top we have INFP, ENFP, ISTJ, ESTJ, INTP, ENTP, ISFJ, ESFJ, ISFP, ESFP, INTJ, ENTJ, ISTP, ESTP, INFJ, and finally, fellow ENFJ’s as well. So that is basically 16 types in order according to the Social Compatibility according to this algorithm. So I only for, I mean, okay, these are getting pretty repetitive in some cases. So I’m just focusing on top for compatible, lowest for compatible according to the Social Compatibility. And the first one, the top is the INFP’s. So let’s take a look at how they interact with Mentors. ENFJ’s. So Mentors are aware of how everybody is feeling. Guess what the INFP is aware of how they feel. No conflict. The Mentor is aware of what they want, responsibly knows what they want and the INFP is responsibly aware of what everyone else wants.
Chase: 08:06 So no, no. No conflict there. “I know what I want.” “I know what you want.” I” know the experience you’re having.” “I know the experience I’m having,” you know, so their Children, they line up pretty well with each other. Se wants to give that Si Child a really good experience. The INFP wants to receive it from the ENFJ. Definitely Awesome. And then it’s like, “Ooh, I know what other people are thinking.” And “I know what I think too,” no conflict there or “I’m worried about how I feel. I’m worried that I’m a bad person” and the INFP’s like, “Oh, don’t worry, I already worried if you’re a good person or not, so let’s seek to make you good so that you’re always good.” Yeah. No worries. No conflict or “I’m very critical over what other people want.” “Yeah, don’t worry about that because I’m already critical about what I want.”
Chase: 08:48 INFP’s no conflict. Right. And then, “I’m not really aware of what I’m experiencing, I make it,” and “I’m very and yeah, I’m not aware of what you’re experiencing either. And I could forget things too because I like forget where I leave certain things. But then after a while I’ll start to remember with my Si long-term memory and then also, and I remember exactly where I left it.” So there you go. INFP versus ENFJ in that regard. “I’m not aware and I really don’t care about being worried about what other people think.” And then the INFP’s like, “Well, I don’t care about what I think either. So who cares? I only cared about how I feel.” No conflict in this relationship at least as far as the Cognitive Functions. Now they can compete, they can be friendly, compete. Why is this? Because they’re both in the same Hero slot.
Chase: 09:32 For example, like Fe is like, “Well, what you’re doing is Unethical,” but the INFP is like, “Well, what I’m doing is Moral, so I care more about Morals than Ethics,” but then the ENFJ “That’s not Ethical. People don’t feel good about that,” but the INFP’s like, “Well, I feel good about it, so they should get over themselves.” You know what I mean? So it can lend to some kind of conflict with like a friendly conflict, but they can talk it out. They can meet on these Eight Cognitive spectra and really communicate like both their radios are tuning into each other’s frequencies to each other’s channels, if you know what I mean. so they’re a really able to have a meeting of the minds in this kind of relationship. So this relationship here, the ENFJ in the ENFP, which is number two in the list as I keep saying that has built in humility because you have the Parent and Hero relationship, remember the Hero is flying around, saving the world and the Parent sometimes has to protect the Children when the Hero’s flying around, saving the world because there’s collateral damage and the Parent’s like, “Okay, Mr. Hero, calm down, I got this, you know, you need to listen to me.”
Chase: 10:34 And the Hero’s like, “Okay, yeah, you’re right. I’m very optimistic. you know, you’re pessimistic. I should listen to you.” Whereas in this first relationship here, ENFJ, INFP the Heroes, they’re both optimistic and they can like try to out optimist each other just like these can out Pessimist each other or out optimist. Children can out optimist each other and then the Inferior Functions can out pessimist, it’s kind of weird how it works. Whereas that doesn’t really exist in this issue. And this relationship ENFJ/ENFP. The thing is though, this is still rated number two is have number one specifically because they’re both extroverts. Whereas the INFP is still an Introvert and still likes to respond and also they’re also Control there. They, for their interaction style is Responding and Control and is Informative and those fit really, really well together, with Direct Initiating and Control because the control is there on both sides.
Chase: 11:32 There’s not much chaos in this relationship and wants direct once informative and the ENFJ really needs Informative people to really engage with them because they are an Intuitive. They’re a Sensor, they’d probably rather have someone being direct to direct, kind of like ISTJ’s to STP’s, but from the Intuitive standpoint is different. The direct ones actually wants to be with the informative ones because the informative allows them to stay informed and keep track of their information. Right? So that’s what they do in terms of this relationship. And that’s kind of why this relationship is rated number two. Instead of number one, according to Social Compatibility. So be that as it may, let’s look into why that is. So for example, let’s say ENFJ’s flying around saving the world, you know, like being like a super mega activist. But then the ENFP starts feeling like it’s being ignored and then it’s like, “Hello, you’re not giving me a good experience here.
Chase: 12:25 Si Inferior’s feeling ignored here and I feel ignored. And why do you think that’s okay? Don’t you want to be thinking about me right now? Don’t you want to be thoughtful about me? ENFJ,” and then the ENFJ is all, “Yeah, you’re right. I’m sorry. If it seems like I’m ignoring you, I should spend more time focusing on you and our relationship instead of everybody else” because the ENFP wants to be valued. It wants to feel special, more special than anyone else in the ENFJ’s relationship, but the ENFJ is at risk of treating everyone the same and then that causes the ENFP to feel less special right in that moment. Whereas the INFP doesn’t really doesn’t really care about that because they feel special enough on their own that they, that the ENFJ doesn’t have to do as much emotional maintenance on them and they can be like super independent, especially in social situations because then they’re like, “Eh, I’m just going to bow out.
Chase: 13:14 I’m either uncomfortable or I’m just tired of being around these people. I’m just going to bow right now and just go home early and then the natural,” then it’s like the ENFJ’s, “Okay, hi, bye. That’s no problem and go do that, you know, or we’ll go home and we’ll probably bang and have and have a nice dinner and drink some wine, et cetera,” and the Dreamer INFP is totally cool with that. And then and then they, then they leave and then the ENFJ continues the party for like another half hour and then goes home afterwards, for example. Whereas the ENFP, so they’re different ENFP and the Extraverted situation still wants to be the number one priority of the ENFJ and that’s one of the requirements. Again, that’s why this is number two on the list instead of number one on the list. Right. Another advantage to these a compatible relationships is that remember the Cognitive Functions within the Ego.
Chase: 13:57 The top four audience slot still needs to be able to reach for the other side of themselves, like Fe to Fi, or Ne to Ni, or Se to Si or Te to Ti within the fellow E go, the other person involved in a relationship that is critical for a compatible relationship that is critical and this is available in all of these relationships. Let’s look at ENFJ/ISTJ? Yeah. The Fi Child to the Hero for example, which is nice because the Child looks up to the Hero. The Child gets more developed. The ENFJ actually becomes more capable at providing really good experiences to the Si Hero. And in some cases I have heard that ENFJ’s have even reported that, you know, like for example, they have more sexual prowess in the bedroom. This is coming from ENFJ male in a relationship with an ISTJ female because the ISTJ female just expects so much from him in the bedroom that he really has to put focus and put his all into it so that she can absolutely feel that experience that he’s trying to deliver her with his Se Child.
Chase: 15:02 Right. And that really goes beyond the scope of what his mind is. He has to put so much more mental effort into it to be able to please the Si Hero in the bedroom. Right. Well, he’s able to do that because he focuses on that and he’s reported that he’s actually been able to further develop his Se Child in this way to be able to meet her needs and the bedroom. And it has been fantastic and it’s also allowed to explore additional mechanical aptitudes that he didn’t previously have, like, for example, working in the shop, going skydiving, you know, those types of things that he as an ENFJ, probably wouldn’t have done previously. This is also similar to how ENFJ’s have relationships with ISFJ’s. That’s also a very similar dynamic because again, it’s Se Child/Si Hero, right? And then also Extraverted Intuition, which is the Inferior Function and Ti is the Inferior function for the ENFJ and Ne is the Inferior Function for the ISTJ.
Chase: 15:59 Inferior functions kind of like to, they like to team up with, Parent Functions because Parent Functions are Pessimistic like they are, right? The thing is though, sometimes the Parent Function can beat up the fourth function, so you have to be careful, but it’s not as much as being beat up by Hero Functions such as the ENFJ/ESTJ relationship, which is number four and the highest compatibility list for the Social Compatibility because the Hero can really, really hit that Inferior function and really caused a lot of Insecurity. Whereas the Parent’s parenting the Inferior Function can actually allow them to get out of their insecurities more. So this relationship is pretty good for that in that regard. This is not really necessary because it’s the Child, it’s actually helping the inner Child, the Divine Innocent Child helping the ENFJ, increase their intelligence, right?
Chase: 16:53 The ENFJ is also giving more experiences and taking the ENFP out of their super comfortable shells so they don’t, they don’t stagnate, for example. And then of course they’re just getting what they need directly across here. So it’s not really a problem, all of those bases are covered, but I’m just trying to show you how differently, you know, like there’s certain gotchas as the compatibility goes down and you got to watch out for the Inferior Function, especially in the fourth and relationship with ENFJ/ESTJ. Also, the Parent function is interfacing directly with the Child function on each site and that can also create a little teensy bit more conflict because the Parent mean when they look at each other like, “Well, you’re being childish, you know, you’re being childish with the experiences you want to give me or you’re being childish with what you want.”
Chase: 17:38 Right? And it can or you’re Childishly so giving and so open minded, you know. And I mean, when are you going to give me what you want your focus on giving everyone else what they want. What about me?” You know, the ENFJ has that feeling of neglect by the part of the ESTJ and then they can’t feel neglected even though this is a super high compatible friendship relationship based. There’s still a potential for neglect there in this relationship, so just be aware of these gotchas even though they are really compatible. So on this side, and ENFJ and ISTP now the ENFJ is trying to get to the ISTP. ISTP is the polar opposite of the ENFJ, but it’s still number four on the lower well, it’s like, it’s the, fourth to the bottom of the list here and if you notice the Hero is trying so hard to get down to the Demon and the Demon is trying so hard to get up to the Hero and it’s just, it causes so much anguish, so much mental ability and just creates conflict.
Chase: 18:40 So much mental energy just to be able to reach out to the other person. And this kind of relationship. I actually worked with an ENFJ and I and my boss is an ISTP and they would go at it all the time. They would be at each other’s throats in some way and they would talk crap about each other behind our backs, like no tomorrow. And you would have never guessed it, but they really had it out with each other because the ENFJ was constantly complaining about how they ISTP was not meeting the social needs of other people. The ISTP was constantly complaining about the ENFJ lacking in their mechanical ability, their ability to do their job properly, that there, that their job, the way they conduct their job is just more about posturing and actually getting anything done right.
Chase: 19:23 And it’s just led to conflict consistently. And it’s because these functions are constantly trying to use the maximum amount of mental energy to get to the other side. Not only that they have to break, they’re not even getting anything from the other person’s ego. They have to go to the shadow to get what they need. And it’s just, it just leads stress. It’s, it’s a huge amount of stress. It’s not ideal. And a lots of traffic jams here, like, like imagine a radio, you know, super high frequency band trying to go into a low frequency. It’s like, you know, it’s just, you get static everywhere and it’s just, it just turns into a nightmare. And there’s just so much intersection, so much overlap here in the center. It just makes it even worse. And there’s also additional overlap here. You got lots of different points of overlap here with this relationship.
Chase: 20:06 Even after the ISTP. Now a friend of mine actually has, he is an ESTP. He has an ENFJ boss, the owner of the company, he has a lot of respect for the for the ENFJ and they do have respect, but he himself has even had to go into the ENFJ’s office and be like, “Hey bro, I don’t know if you know, but some of the things that you said, not exactly were appropriate or this person took it really seriously.” He was using his INFJ Subconscious at the time to speak with the unit, to kind of hold the ENFJ accountable. Because remember, there is, as you go further further down, I’m down in the, like when you get to more of a shallow relationships at the bottom of this list here, the 16 types, when you start getting into like SFP’s, NTJ’s, STP’s, NFJ’s for the Mentor for the ENFJ , the accountability goes way up.
Chase: 20:59 It’s a lot of accountability because they’re constantly scrutinizing each other, right? And that scrutiny is important for the growth of people. I’m not telling you to not be friends with these people. You should be friends with all of the types, but just understand that there’s different purposes for these relationships and you have a higher compatibility of that. It seems like there’s more harmony, but then these people may not hold you accountable as much as you need and whereas these people would. And it’s important to know that it’s important to remember, “A wise man is surrounded by many counselors,” right? You want to make sure that you have a lot of people from a different, from many different perspectives and different walks of life to be able to hold you accountable, you know, to put you down as much as you need people pull you up so that you can learn and grow as a human being in gain maturity, right?
Chase: 21:46 Because otherwise if you just surround yourself with yes men, you’re not gonna get anywhere, right? So it’s more like, oh, the higher the people are, the more likely they are to be. Yes, men, yeah, sure. But it’s also a great. They have those people in your life and yes, these people down here, it’d be like the no guys, people I would just tell you no at every turn in and they’ve got the neutral relationships in the middle, right? So just be aware of that when it comes to compatibility in anything, it’s all about standing up to scrutiny, but it’s also standing up to harmony as well, you know, harmony versus scrutiny in this regard. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have friendships with these, I’m just showing you how compatible they are with others and we’re conflict may like conflict is more likely to show up in these relationships and less likely to show up in these relationships, but that doesn’t mean conflict is bad, nor does that mean especially, you know, INFP’s or NF’s watching this, you know, that doesn’t give you an excuse to avoid conflict either you need conflict in order to grow.
Chase: 22:42 Do not forget that. so, you knowENFJ/ESTP, ESTP held the ENFJ accountable. The ENFJ actually realized that he did something wrong. And then he immediately fixed it, called the meeting and everything was good again. It was fantastic and it was really good for the personal growth of the ESTP to be able to take the risk of going to his boss was also grateful. the personal growth of the ENFJ, who was the leader in that situation. Also the ENFJ and the INFJ. Both NFJ’s they have really high camaraderie, but if they’re just one on one, they are at risk of having conflict with each other. And holding each other accountable consistently, especially since like, they’re like, “Well I can out-ethic you and I could out want you and I’m smarter than you, or you know, or you’re too harsh or not harsh enough,” you know?
Chase: 23:31 And then again, there’s all these conflicts and they’re trying to go below each other’s shadow to try to get with our egos need. And it just turns into like this, it’s not exactly ideal, but they do have really high camaraderie which is different, you know, different from Compatibility. So there are positives here. Remember, comrades, you know, you go to war with your comrades, right? You go to battle with your comrades, why they hold you accountable that you make sure that they had their backs at different kind of relationship. Right? So there’s really high camaraderie but low functional compatibility. And of course ENFJ plus ENFJ do you really want to be friends with the same exact type? Really? Most people are like, “Well yeah, there’s super compatible.” No, actually it’s not super compatible at all. It’s horrible. And usually people that are in same type relationships are actually mistyped.
Chase: 24:23 And not actually the same type of relationships and I would say a same type of relationship is extremely where or like doesn’t happen ever and it’s like almost nine out of 10 times actually have this type be aware of that phenomenon. Please, if you don’t know how to type yourself properly, watch my playlist on how to type yourself into others or go to my website and download the type grid off of the very front page of the website, CSJoseph.life so you can learn how to type yourself and others do not have to rely on tests and more tests are dumb. And, and yes, I am creating a test that is based on the type grid, but you know, because accuracy, but we don’t even have these stupid 150-60 question huge tests that people answer incorrectly anyway. And wow, why would we subject ourselves to that behavior?
Chase: 25:10 Like, Yeah, no, or that experience. No. Thank you. So ENFJ plus ENFJ. It’s a problem. and I would like to mention it because I haven’t really mentioned much about these types of relationships so. Well, when the Hero is trying to get down to the Nemesis, the Nemesis is like the apex of the Unconscious, you know, whereas the Hero, the apex of the Ego and they’re just so by default against each other that it’s like, that one’s like, “Well, I’m more Moral than you are. You can’t make me feel good enough about myself. I’m already worried that I’m a bad person, but I’m not going to accept what you think of me because I don’t care what you think of me because Te is my Demon, and what you think of me is not relevant,” you know? And then, there’s just no room for encouragement here ENFJ encouraging another ENFJ, just falls on deaf ears.
Chase: 25:56 Right. So why would we even bother doing it? This is why I don’t recommend it. And you think they have super, super mega camaraderie? Yeah, sort of. But then it’s still canceled. They just cancel each other out and it just becomes white noise. Why bother? You know, just, I wouldn’t recommend having a relationship with the same type. And usually when it comes to like me being around other people with the same type as me, I generally as a rule shy away from them because I don’t want to create unnecessary conflict. I like to give them a wide berth and let them have all the space that they need to operate within their own realm. And if I’m in my realm, I hope they give me a space to operate in mine. So anyway, that concludes the Social Compatibility for the ENFJ type. If you found this lecture to be useful, educational, insightful, or helpful in any way, please subscribe to the channel here on YouTube or on our podcast or both.
Chase: 26:46 That would be dope. And also leave a like for this particular lecture, if you have any questions about ENFJ’s or their compatibility, we please leave it in the comment section. I’ll do my best to answer your questions. And, also I’ve been gettIng some emails from people. I’ve been giving a lot of emails. If I haven’t gotten to you yet, I apologize, but I am getting to them. I thank you for your patience there. It’s been really busy and next week this coming week is going to be extremely busy for me, so I’ll do my best to keep churning out of these lectures for everybody. So, but thank you for your patience. I really appreciate it and as much as I really appreciate this audience in a big way. So. Awesome. Well, I got many more of these to go. So I’ll see you guys tonight.