Season 13, Episode 11 Transcript
– Hey guys, it’s C.S. Joseph at csjoseph.life doing another episode for season 13. I think this is going to be episode 11 and I’ve been avoiding this particular episode for a long time. It’s kind of been on purpose. Didn’t exactly know how to go about it because quite frankly, in my own journey towards the mature masculine, achieving the four archetypes of the mature masculine, king, warrior, magician, lover, et cetera, this is definitely the archetype that I’m lacking the most. And oftentimes I feel like I’m being a hypocrite when I talk about it. So I figured now would probably be the best time. I’ve just freshly come back from my third trip to Vegas in my life. And it was for some work that I was doing and I was at a NetApp user group and I was a presenter or a speaker there at the user group and whatnot. But yeah, I mean yeah, I haven’t been around. You’ve noticed over the last two weeks my uploading frequency has gone down and quite frankly, it’s going to remain down for yet another week because I’ll be traveling next week for Thanksgiving. I’m having Thanksgiving with my family, which I haven’t had in many years. So it’s kind of a new thing for me. But I mean, I just got to be real with you folks. This archetype of the mature masculine is definitely… It seems to be the more out of reach for me than the other archetypes. And by now you’re obviously asking like, okay, well, why is he in the car in the dark? Well, it was the most convenient, private place for me to film this particular lecture. It’s getting really cold out here. Yes, I get it’s in California but in the Bay area, it can get pretty cold at night. I wasn’t able to go to the park and I’m not exactly comfortable filming something like this in my makeshift studio right now. So given as to how serious of a discussion this is, and I get that many of you are watching this and some of you are men, some of you are women, this particular lecture is definitely aimed towards the men.
But it could definitely benefit the female viewers because then you have additional standards and practices by with which you can hold your fellow men to. Standards, expectations, accountability. Accountability is everything especially when it comes to men, et cetera. And a lot of my life I’ve definitely been lacking in accountability. So up until I started having children, I will say that having children, is definitely the highest form of accountability that exists. And it’s why often times I feel really guilty with my Fe child that I’m not being the best father in the world ’cause I’m not near my little ones on a daily basis. Although I do my best, sometimes even I know that my best is just not good enough, quite frankly. And that’s just how the world goes. And yet I’m here before you as a complete total hypocrite, because on one hand I’m preaching fatherlessness and on the other at the same time, like I’ve basically become part of the problem. And that definitely is the part of myself that I hate the most, hands down. So, that leads us to this archetype which it’s the most difficult one for me I’ll admit. This archetype, this is according to king, warrior, magician, lover by Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette, got to give credit where it is due. And yeah, the lover archetype of the mature masculine. If you’re a man and you desire to reach the mature masculine, you definitely want to make sure that you master this archetype. Now, I would like to say though, regarding this particular archetype, it really is a process of development reaching the mature masculine. And I wanna go through that first because before I get into defining what the lover archetype is, because oftentimes when men don’t have their rite of passage and men are basically men-children and they’re stagnated into their boyhood or their man-child related behavior, that’s been a consistent issue. Well, why?
It’s because they develop the lover archetype first and then they do magician and then they do warrior then they do king. And even Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette have actually admitted to this. And some of their supporters have admitted to this that men are developing these archetypes backwards. This is why I maintain, you probably shouldn’t be banging a woman until you’ve at least figured out king and marriage you should only figure out warrior at a minimum men, because if you have king, you have your own castle, you have your own job, you have your own car, you have your own place basically. You are producing, you’re being productive. You are being generative. Generative is a big deal, right? Be generative. But it’s nice to be generative, but it still is lacking something. It’s definitely lacking something. And this is some area of my life that is definitely lacking in something for sure. I like to assign men or these archetypes, king or queen or warrior or mother or a magician or matron, and then obviously the lover archetype for men, I like to assign these like levels, so levels of like one through four. Four means that you’ve basically completed the archetype. Oh, and then one being you’ve started the process of the archetype. And right now I kind of see myself as like level three for king, and then for warrior, I’d see myself as about two, for magician, definitely four. I think I’ve definitely got magician pretty well handled at this point. Now, of course that’s debatable and some of you may debate me on that and that’s okay. Throw the criticism in my direction. Criticism is only, you know, I grow from it. You don’t see me on my YouTube channel or podcast or basically anywhere deleting comments from people that disagree with me. I mean, I’ll delete a couple of comments here and there, if they’re like personal attacks or overtly disrespectful to myself or the audience that is not really useful, but for the sake of discussion, I’m not going to delete criticism. That’s just dumb.
I saw something on Instagram today where Mel Robbins basically said, “The secret to success is failure” and she’s 100% correct. The secret to success is absolutely failure, right? And it’s nice that when I fail I have, you, the audience pointing out my failures to me and being like, hey, you’ve failed here or you need to do this or maybe you should try editing your videos, et cetera. Like I listen to that. I listen to everything. And quite frankly, to you the audience, I hang off of every word. I read every comment, new comments that is, I really struggle with replies. And if I’m not listening to your replies, okay sure, please put them up again. But I definitely read every comment and I hang off of every word of this audience every day. So be that as it may, magician would be four. Okay. And then lover for me, it’s honestly a one. I’ll admit it, it’s a one, it’s a one for a lot of reasons. And I’ll share exactly why that is the case. But remember, the process of development for king, warrior, magician, lover, typically in first-world society amongst men, it’s backwards, it’s done completely backwards instead of forwards which is starting with king. So remember that, remember how important that is. So, anyway, let’s get down to defining the lover archetype after dropping all of this preface and foundation first. So the lover is not just about sex and romance or love for family or friends. It’s really not just about like your relationship with a woman, right? It’s family, it’s friends. It’s good food. It’s good drink. Obviously women of course, driving fast, basically enjoying life, really, really enjoying life and actually taking a moment to enjoy, right? And that’s a very serious thing for men to do because either men enjoy way too much, or they don’t enjoy enough basically. And there’s a variety of reasons as to why that is the case. But lover of archetype also has mastery over one’s own emotion or feeling.
They understand their ideals, what they’re about, what they stand for, basically the cause that which a man would take up upon himself and fight for. It’s also being sensual, sensuality. Basically, it’s a man who’s in touch with using his senses in all areas of his life. And that’s all of his senses and it’s not just the five senses, right? You know, where you’re like, touch, smell, what you see, what you hear. It’s also using your intuition as well, those types of sensing. And the lover really exists as an archetype for a man to experience a complete life. Do you experience every component of life? And this is really represented in I think the Hindu God Shiva, and Shiva who I believe is like the god of death or whatnot. And then like, has a relationship with a man, a sexual relationship with a man and then ends up at the point of orgasm, cutting the man’s head off. Now, correct me if I’m wrong, if I’m getting my mythologies mixed up there, but I believe that’s how the story goes. And the cutting of the man’s head off we reckon it’s about death, right? It’s really about death. An orgasm, the original root word, the root meaning of the word orgasm actually translates into phrase little death, right? Just like the Chinese called sex, flowery combat with their word. That’s basically how they describe sex, it’s flowery combat. Well that can be a problem, right? Because when you’re trying to understand the lover, it’s all about completeness. Men, we’re trying to seek completeness or an end. That we want to get to the end of our life and knowing that we’ve lived a complete life. With women, it’s opposite of that. Women, it’s completely different. They wanna keep life going. They wanna keep it going and make it last as long as possible, but from a man standpoint, they’re trying to reach completion, right? And it’s kind of like when you actually look at sex just alone by itself, men they’re trying… They get to orgasm and then they ejaculate and then it’s over, there’s completion, but women have a tendency to actually potentially keep going and have multiple orgasms, et cetera, because they’re trying to keep that energy going, that feminine energy just keeps everything going as we’ve discussed earlier in the season for season 13. But with men it’s different. They’re trying to reach completion basically. And completion means so much. So it’s all about living a complete life.
And the lover archetype after one gains mastery of the lover archetype, the men themselves realizes at the end of their life that yes, I have lived a complete life. I did not put limitations on myself. I did not allow others to put limitations on me. And I gave myself permission to be who I was, and without excuses and without being ashamed, and without feeling guilty about it, and then moving forward, right? So a man in touch with the lover archetype ends up feeling deeply, whether these feelings are of joy or pain. Now, this is very interesting because oftentimes our society or people of our society are constantly focused on avoiding pain as much as possible. And I’m here to tell you that pain is insanely useful. And in fact, quite frankly, it’s more useful than joy or pleasure at the end of the day because through pain we actually gain wisdom and it’s through wisdom that we can have full understanding of the power of love. For us to actually understand love and use love to even know what it is, we have to have the wisdom, enough wisdom to understand it. This goes back to the garden of Eden with Adam and Eve in the garden and in the garden of Eden, you have these two freshly made human beings who don’t even actually understand love. They don’t even know how good they have it in the garden, right? And then they get kicked out of the garden then they start to realize just how bad things really, really are.
You don’t know any of that until you have loss. You don’t understand the importance of heat until you’re in the cold where there’s an absence of heat, right? Absence as love, is a very painful thing, but it gives you the wisdom to try to understand it so that you actually understand what love means and why it is important, right? And you can’t have that understanding, without wisdom and you can’t gain wisdom, without pain or suffering. So quite frankly, you can’t really have love without pain or suffering in your life. You can’t understand what love actually is. So a man who is in tune with joy and in tune or, and/or in tune with pain, he is able to access the lover archetype because if you understand pain, you know what’s missing, you seek after it, right? And that allows you to potentially unlock life and actually enjoy life for all it has to offer. The world, this earth is a very amazing place and it’s rich and full of tons of wonders and experiences. Not that most of the emo, very young emo, depressed children watching this or listening to this would definitely debate me on that. But that’s a fact. You all need to grow up by the way, just saying. And yeah, your life’s hard and it sucks, but guess what? It’s the same for everybody else. You’re gonna be in the ditch for a while. How about you grow some stones and get out of the ditch, and keep moving forward even though people are driving by you and you’re just walking naked, freshly out of the ditch, left for dead, and everyone else is going farther, stop looking at them and look at yourself just focus on putting one foot after another. That’d be nice, right? So, the lover archetype, when you’re aware of your joy, your pain, it’s what really makes you feel alive. I mean, this is why in some cases, people cut themselves because the pain teaches them or shows them, that they could feel alive basically because they feel dead inside. Now I’m not advocating for cutting yourself by any means like seriously, don’t do that. That’s retarded. Actually, one of the women that I had a sexual relationship with for a long time I actually caught her cutting herself at one point in time. And that was one of the worst memories I’ve ever had. And I will never forget that. It was a very painful experience.
I took the knife out of her hand and threw it away from her and whatnot. But yeah, I will never forget that scar. And I don’t think that scar will ever heal quite frankly. But to be honest, I don’t ever want it to either because I always want to be able to remember that. That’s the thing about pain ’cause I got a lot of pain in my life. I got pain from being the fat kid in school and weighing almost 20 stone. Around my high school age, dealing with the fact that my parents were not really happy that I was an ENTP. And then also dealing with some sexual abuse in my life and then additional pain later, having student loan debt like crazy which caused me to end up being homeless. And I struggled with homelessness a couple of times in my life, two times specifically, and two major ones, would say. But I got through it and, struggles with health problems. Ever since 2006 I’ve been dealing with some health issues here and there. Got through that, survived that, et cetera. I even actually almost died when I was four years old because I had an appendectomy because my appendix exploded and I ended up getting sepsis and I almost died as they were operating on me as a four-year-old, right. So, yeah, got to love generation X and their manufactured food. Anyway… Artificial food. So be that as it may, I wouldn’t trade my pain for anything. I would not trade it for anything in the world because my pain is who I am, my pain and all of my failures and all of my flaws and all of my screw ups, it’s quite frankly, the most important thing to me, is my pain. And I’m sure one day when I reach joy and I reach happiness and I finally actually achieve happiness ’cause I’ll be honest like, I’ve only really experienced happiness just a few times in my life, but each of those memories when I did, I treasure them and I treasure them forever because those are like the greatest treasures, right? But my pain is also my treasure too because my pain gives me wisdom, right? I wouldn’t be talking to you actually at all, without facing my bout of homelessness that I had. I lost my job in the crash of ’09 and 2010, and then I couldn’t get rehired. I was a graduate fresh out of school trying to do what I could. I was also arrogant and stupid and ended up losing everything in the process. But because of that, a man came up to me, offered me a small minimum wage job to do some stuff for him. And through him, I met a coworker who also worked with him and that coworker basically stripped down all of my knowledge that I had of Myers-Briggs type indicator and taught me real union analytical psychology.
And he became my first mentor, right? And I’m very thankful for him. I’m very thankful for what Mr. Bryant did for me in those days. And he mentored me and actually showed me the ropes of manhood. He was in the ESTP after all, and ESTPs they have this thing where they like to make fellow men stronger. And he saw me as a weakling and he definitely made me stronger for it. It’s a very painful process, but it was definitely worth it in the end. So again, like I wouldn’t even be here talking to you right now, recording this YouTube or podcast lecture for you to peruse. I wouldn’t even be here without the pain in my life, right? So pain is very significant, very, very significant in as much as joy is very, very significant. I have some very, very… Some very important treasured memories. Like the time my son was born, that was incredible. And same thing with my daughter or my first girlfriend actually. She was definitely an incredible woman and someone that I miss every single day. If you’ve ever seen that film, “A Walk To Remember” right? Well that was kind of like my life almost in high school. I met her in high school. I took her to prom and everything. We actually saw “Star Wars” episode three together. It was like one of the best dates ever. And she ended up breaking up with me actually. Gosh, when she broke up with me, I was completely destroyed. I couldn’t even think, I couldn’t even handle it ’cause I absolutely loved her. I would have given my life for that woman. I definitely planned on one day being able to reach king and warrior and magician, earn enough money, get a ring for her, put a ring on her finger, the whole nine yards, right? And then she breaks up with me and she tells me like, I can’t get in the way of your life. I can’t get in the way of your world. You’re gonna go out there, you’re gonna get an education ’cause I was going to like university in Fremont, California in the Bay area, right.
Which funny, I actually live out here again after swearing I’d never come back and yet here I am, right? A lot of good that did me. But my first girlfriend, her name was Molly, she’s a fantastic woman. She broke up with me and she says, because she didn’t want to get in the way of my life and I was going places and I just didn’t even understand that. It didn’t even make any sense to me at all. I was like, are you kidding me? Like, I love you. And I know you do love me too. Like seriously, why? But I didn’t understand. And she kept up with the breakup, she cut me off and wouldn’t really have anything to do with me anymore. And I’m like, wow, this is horrible. And then shortly thereafter, she died of brain cancer. I didn’t even know she had brain cancer. She never told me, but she died. So, and in those days with her, I absolutely was happy, right. So this is just an example and I’ve had other happy moments here and there but like very few, right, but they’re very treasured, very important, right? And I’m sure plenty of you out there who are watching or listening have similar memories like that as well. But then there’s also a lot of pain, right? And pain is the default. And we have to understand that pain is important especially in terms of the lover archetype. So hold on to your pain.
Don’t let go of it. And don’t necessarily try to get away from your pain, because if you get away from your pain and if you’re avoiding pain, you’re going to lack wisdom. And if you lack wisdom, you’re not going to be able to understand or wield the power of love, the greatest power of all, the lover archetype, right? So remember, everyone sees life in different ways. Fi users, Fe users, they see life in terms of good or bad. This is a good thing, this is a bad thing. This is a valuable thing or a valueless thing, right? Or a Ti and Te user views the entire world from the point of view of true-false. This is true, this is false, right? Let me tell you something. Life is not about what is good or bad. Life is not about what is true or false. Life is about what is wise, and what is not. That is what life is actually about. But we’re so focused on ourselves and so focused on our immediate surroundings that we can’t even figure that out. We can’t even realize that our cognitive functions that we’ve been given within our psychology, it’s not about determining what is a valuable thing or a good thing or a bad thing. It’s not about true or false. It’s really, really about what is wise, and what is not. Because through understanding what is wise, then we could actually understand what love is and where love comes from and what love is for, right? Just like in the garden of Eden, you don’t really understand love until you have it taken away from you. That’s the point, that’s the point. You don’t really understand immortality until you have it taken away from you. Right? So there’s a lot to it. So, a man in touch with the lover archetype, they are all about experiencing all of life, every component, every aspect of life that there is to offer, even discovering new ways to experience life. And it’s all about being alive and feeling alive, right? And pain does that as much as joy, right? Feeling alive, being alive. So a man who is in tune with the lover archetype, he feels alive. He’s got vigor and… Vigor and he’s an empath. He’s in tune with empath. If he’s an Fe user, is what is, If he’s an Fi user he’s a sympath, okay? ‘Cause Fi is for sympathy. It’s also for shame.
Fe is for empathy. It’s also for guilt, right? So a man who is in tune with his lover archetype, is able to actually feel these things and see the world through these ways, et cetera. And then as a result of that, they become socially capable. There’s a lot of men listening to this right now who would consider themselves not socially capable especially those who have social anxiety. I’m talking to you INTPs. I’m talking to you ISTPs especially if you’re Fe inferiors, social anxious, social anxiety, or those of you that have Se inferior. INJs, same thing, right? There’s a lot of issues there. But remember, the lover archetype is all about living the complete life. It’s about having a life of meaning, and purpose. Purpose is everything. It’s not necessarily about good food and drink and art and women, but it is of those things, sure, certainly. But it’s about living free. I mean, rules are constraining like religion, it’s constraining which is kind of interesting because you look at religion throughout, and you compare it to what people have said and we have a lot of religions in the world where they’re all about rules and regulations. And if you do X, you get Y et cetera, right? Those are the religions I avoid. I avoid all of that contact from spirituality, where if you do X, then you get Y, it’s like no, that’s not really how it works actually. It’s about personal growth and reaching integration and enlightenment while simultaneously understanding that it’s a gift that is given to you, it is not something that you earn. It’s not really anything you earn. We’re not here to earn. We are here to experience joy and to experience pain because it develops wisdom so that we can love people. You can’t love without wisdom, right? It’s like in a yin and yang equilibrium, right?
Where love is the pliable yin in that case, and the wisdom is the yang, et cetera. Or you could even argue the vice versa actually, or wait, maybe they have primary and secondary components within the two of them. That sounds like a yin and yang to me. The point is, it’s not about how we really see it. Life is so much more complex than that. It really is. A man in touch with a lover archetype, he’s not constrained by rules. It’s not about rules. It’s not about dogma. I mean, Steve jobs said it best, “Don’t be caught up in dogma, which is living with the results of other people’s thinking.” Do not do that. How about living with the results of your thinking and your heart? Why aren’t you following your heart? That is what the lover archetype is all about. You have to follow your heart, right? So this is very important. What happens when you follow your heart? What happens when you’re in tune with your pain? What happens when you’re in tune with your joy? What is proof? What is the actual living proof that a man has, that he is living in the lover archetype in fullness? What is the proof? The proof is this, his creativity. Creativity is the by-product or the proof of love where a man understands his purpose. He understands his meaning, or he’s having joy or he’s suffering in pain and then he creates something to help ease his pain, or he creates something to give himself more joy, right? And then he shares it with people out of love, right? But it takes wisdom to create doesn’t it? To create something new that doesn’t exist anymore, right? It takes wisdom. Huh, interesting how pain is the source of wisdom, right? So understand, understand that it’s all about living that complete life. The lover archetype is about achieving that complete life. Don’t get caught up in dogma. Don’t get caught up in workaholism. That’s my biggest issue. I’m a workaholic.
I work so much time. I didn’t even take a rest. I’m exhausted. And you could see me right now, I’m burning out and you can see me filming this YouTube video or these podcasts whatnot, I’m just being straight with you all. I am burning out. It’s true. I barely get any rest. I’ve been through a lot the last of four or five, well, last nine, 10 weeks actually. It’s been pretty rough for me, right. But I still keep going. I still keep going because I love you. I love all of you very much. I love this audience. I love what you’ve done and that you’re listening to me. And I listen to you as well and that you are on board with potentially helping me change the world and to bring more love into the world. And I’m trying to do this by eliminating fatherlessness, because if I eliminate fatherlessness, then the mature masculine is preserving the boys and then they will become men, real men and men who are not afraid of suffering, men who are steadfast, men who are kings, warriors, magicians, and lovers, who will bring about a better tomorrow. And as a result of also people understanding each other and understanding their own nature and the natures of every other human being they come into contact with, right? So that is my purpose. That is my gift to the world. And I know that it will ease everyone else’s pain and bring them great joy when they have that understanding. As a result, it is my mission to create this and give it to you and share it with you. Maybe perhaps ask you to help me create it along the way. So that’s what my purpose is. That is what my meaning is.
That is how I am seeking out the complete life. What are you doing? In order to understand how you can love somebody, you have to understand your own suffering. You have to understand where your joy is. You have to understand where your pain is. You need to be in tune with both. What hurts you? What hurts you the most? I’ll tell you some things that hurt me. I’ll tell you right now, I’ll be straight. Like, one of the biggest things that hurts me, like I used to go to bars a lot. And as an ENTP, like I have Se demon, which basically automatically makes me the creepiest looking guy in the room. It just does like by default. And obviously, and it’s one of the most hurtful things ever when a woman walks right up to you and says to you like straight in the face, “Wow, you’re like a creeper. Are you gonna like, throw me your car and murder me or something like that?” And I’m like, wow, I’ve actually had that happen to me like multiple times. It’s pretty freaky. But yeah, understand your pain and where it comes from, right? So, and I’ve had to grow. I’ve had to grow out of like dressing like a mafia hitman, and looking like somewhat presentable because I’d constantly get those reactions from people. It’s called being adaptable, right? And then as a result, I ended up creating my own style, right. Creativity as a result of pain, right? And then there’s creativity as a result of joy. I’ve seen joy in people’s lives. I get a lot of hate mail on a regular basis but you guys, you don’t see the thank you letters that I get from people about how I’m changing their lives. There is a woman recently who told me, I haven’t spoken to my son in 20 years and after watching your lectures, I’ve finally been able to actually speak to my son. That’s amazing to me, right. Or people who were considering getting a divorce and then they decided not to because they actually understand each other now and they’re able to meet each other’s needs. Or someone who’s like finally able to have the courage to divorce and get out of an abusive relationship. Like all those things happen as a result. This is my meaning. This is my deepest gift. Now, remember when I talk about deepest gift, I’m referring to, what David Deida says in “The Way of The Superior Man” definitely a book I recommend this audience read especially in conjunction with season 13 as we talk about it. ‘Cause David Deida, he actually describes the lover archetype at length within his book and talks about the dance between the masculine and feminine and how the man’s deepest gift, his deep meaningful purpose is the lover archetype and how it can manifest and how it can brought into play. And it’s as a result of understanding a man’s joy, and understanding a man’s pain. And being understanding of what that is for you personally men.
So it goes beyond that. So when you’re in your lover archetype, it’s about to being fully present. It’s about you having self-respect, right. Were talking about the four pillars of self intimacy. You’ve got to establish your needs. You have to understand your standards. You have to understand your boundaries and then you know your personal goals, right? The four pillars of self intimacy. And then after that you have the roof that go above the pillars and that’s self respect, right? So men, make sure you have self respect. Like for example, I have a standard. I have a standard of if I’m going to get married to someone, they have to be a healthy person. That’s a personal standard that I have, right? And I’m not ever going to break that standard, for example. And that’s a boundary that I put up with any women that I have intimate relationships with, because it’s like, hey, finally putting a ring on your finger, I expect you to be healthy. As healthy, if not even more healthy than me. And to give you a run for your money, I’m always gonna make sure that I’m healthy if not healthier than you, just to make sure that that pressure is always there, because I don’t ever want you to wake up one day and think it’s okay to just let your body go like so many women do for example, right? No man wants that. Men want their women to be beautiful forever, indefinitely. And it is possible. I’ve seen it with my own eyes. I’ve had a 73 year old woman talking to me and she was very fine and then at the same time she tells me that her youngest daughter is only 21 and I’m like but you’re in seventies, what, what, what? So just to give you an idea, like those miracles can happen, but those miracles are replicatable, very replicable. So anyway, so let’s talk about how the lover archetype can actually turn into a total disaster and go into a shadow mode There’s two shadow modes to it. There’s the addicted lover and then there’s the impotent lover. So the addicted lover, it’s like it’s a constant joy fest. They’re eternally restless. I actually know somebody, he’s an ESTP, lives in Canada. He’s definitely what I would call the addicted lover. He has overinflated expectations about everything. For some reason he thinks that watching Netflix is going to, and constantly, constant Netflix over and over and over and over again, is going to make him into a better man and have more knowledge for example.
And he was also telling me about how no one will respect him if he doesn’t have any experiences to share with them, et cetera. And it’s like, well, how about you just create new experiences on the fly instead of like trying to fill yourself with things that may or may not be applicable at a later date anyway? And these people end up becoming super mega sensual, the addictive lover, they don’t know what they’re searching for. They can’t fall through or focus on anything their collective experiences, possessions or women. My ESTP cousin before he got married, oh my goodness, his little black book, he’s got the name, email and phone number of every woman he has ever banged. And it’s in the hundreds like 600 women. It’s huge, unbelievable numbers. I remember years ago, it was like 413 or something like that. And then plenty more after that so lots of women constantly this collector of experiences, possessions, and it just became an obsession, an absolute obsession. So he is the addicted lover and he could never reach the lover archetype in fullness. And that’s why when he was suffering pain in his life, he gets super mega depressed. And instead of channeling that pain and utilizing that pain for creativity to try to make a better now or better world or something better for himself or others around him, he just basically imploded. And it became this major depressive mess and he got addicted to some drugs. Then he had to be on psychotropic drugs and antidepressants which destroyed his gut bacteria, his microbiome, he ended up getting unhealthier and it just went way down south for him. He started gaining weight. It was just absolutely horrible for the guy. And this is a family member, right? It wasn’t until he got out of his addicted lover, and went into his lover side with fullness, that he was actually able to prevent all those risky, rough behaviors and not be that collector of experiences and not be so obsessive all the time, right? And then there’s the impotent lover, someone who’s depressed, flat, dead-inside feeling. They have no passion for life, no libido, constantly in seek of like yang energy. They need yang energy.
They’re constantly in the yin side whereas the addicted lover is like constantly in the yang side, like it’s way too much yang, not enough yin. Whereas the impotent lover is way too much yin and not enough yang basically. And it’s completely unbalanced. Both sides of this archetype are completely unbalanced. And the impotent lover, you think any woman’s gonna be satisfied by an impotent lover? Nope. I mean like, even… Guys, even psychologically, like when you’re in the bedroom, like if you’re just not there mentally, if you’re just not there, you’re going to be impotent and you’re not going to be able to perform. You’re just not going to be able to because if your mind is not right, and if it’s not in the right place, you shouldn’t even be in that situation anyway. And then she’s gonna be unsatisfied and then she’s gonna judge you for it, right? So why put yourself in that situation to begin with? Instead, maybe you should be focusing on channeling your joy or your pain to be creative, right? Gain wisdom so that you can actually love her appropriately. Right? But again, the lover archetype is not just about your relationship with women. It’s just everything. It’s knowing what your favorite pack of cigarettes is. It’s knowing what your favorite kind of alcohol is. It’s about what your favorite car is, or what is your favorite, or it’s about just experiencing life here on this planet, imagining what it is to be an ant. That’s actually something that Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette point out specifically in their book, “King, Warrior, Magician, Lover” it’s just imagining what it is to actually be an ant or an animal, right, and having that experience. And it’s not necessarily about central things either. It’s also spirituality. There’s a huge spiritual component to the lover, right? And your relationship with God for example, is very in tune with the lover. It’s not just with the magician, it’s also with the lover as well. Loving God, right.
And loving your family, right. And giving to your family. The lover archetype is all about giving and giving your deepest purpose and giving your deepest meaning, and being meaningful in everything that you do, right? But if you’re too busy stuck at a dead end job not going anywhere, maybe you should just burn your boats. Tony Robbins said something very, very, very significant for the lover archetype. I saw something that he talked about that was just really profound. And he’s like, “Cortes’, he showed up in the new world and he was gonna conquer things, but he didn’t. He thought his men’s morale was not good enough after showing up in South America. So he had his men burn their boats.” They burned the boats because that means the men were committed. And Tony Robbins, he goes on and he’s the NFB, he goes on to say, “People when they’re faced with death or success, they tend to succeed” which is true. When people are facing that they’re going to die or succeed, they tend to succeed. That’s a fact. Maybe in order for you to enjoy life, maybe you should be willing to burn your boats. Maybe you should be willing to activate your superego to burn your life down in its current form, and rebuild it a new, right? If you don’t know what I’m talking about, maybe you should be watching some of the other lectures. That’s what the superego is for. Just be careful. It has a lot of collateral damage and there is no turning back. There is no turning back when you do that. But if you’re really unhappy, it’s an option. It’s an option on the table. Your happiness is your choice. Happiness is a choice. You have to take action. And you can like an alchemist, transmute that pain, into creativity and then you could turn it into gold and make it happy, make you happy, make other people happy specifically as a result of your pain.
A lot of people in religious circles call this, turning your misery into your ministry basically where you’re actually going to other people and helping them, as a result of the painful experiences that you’ve had in your life. That’s everything for the lover archetype. That’s what it means. Be creative. Another gentlemen talking about art, how art is truth. Art is your spoken language to prove that reality sucks. So here’s something that’s not really in reality right now but it’s different, it’s better and it makes you feel good. It gives you that joy, right? Music, it’s the same way, creating music, right? Listening to Taylor Swift for example, or Thom Yorke, for those of you wanting me to type Thom Yorke recently. Yes. Shout out to you Alma. I definitely read everything you tell me. And we just did Eminem recently for example, but it doesn’t matter like enjoy life guys, like seriously enjoy life. Now why do I think I’m one in the lover realm, I honestly don’t really enjoy life. But let me talk about that though. Why don’t I? I don’t for some very important reasons. One, I have a day job, I’m an engineer. I spend a lot of time doing that. And I’m also a father and I got my son and my daughter, and I got to spend time on them of course, I got to raise them and it’s my responsibility to do so. And then I’m building, this company, this brand teaching union analytical psychology, and getting all of these, all of this science into your hands that you can have better relationships with people in your life, right? It’s very important to me as I’m trying to put a stop to fatherlessness and I work tirelessly to that end, right? Yes, it will make me happy and yes, it does make me happy and I’m very happy to be here and happy to have this audience and yes, I’m doing that but I look at it this way, I got to have the hustle, right? And I’m hustling really hard. Sometimes I work 16 hour days, every day. Like, that’s been a normal thing for me because I’m constantly trying to make sure that I get this done because it’s very important to me, right? And this is me living in my fullness, right? But in terms of like the joy side, not very high, right? But the pain side, yeah, it’s pretty high but I am undergoing the process, right. I am undergoing the process of developing the lover archetype right before this audience’s eyes. You can literally watch me do it, right. I am doing that because I am turning all the pain and suffering in my life and I am creating something better and I’m sharing that with all of you. One of the greatest pains of my life, is that I did not understand anyone and certainly, no one understands me. Nobody understands me.
And you know what, as an ENTP, that’s my second largest need. My first largest need is to be trusted and to be given the benefit of the doubt, that’s my number one need but my number two need is to be understood. And nobody, nobody understands me. Let’s be honest, nobody does, right? But I’m sure many of you watching this and listening to this, also have a similar experience. I wouldn’t be surprised. So my theory was, since I so desperately want to be understood, right? My theory was that if I could cause and teach other people to understand themselves, in as much as I’ve been able to discover how to understand myself using union analytical psychology for example, as a result of understanding myself, right, then I would seek to understand others. And then maybe the golden rule would happen. Treat others the way you want to be treated. I figure since very few people understand ENTP as much less want to actually be around ENTPs because ENTPs can be pretty rough, let’s be honest well, if that’s the case then maybe, if I see that guy is an ESTJ, I understand him and I treat him like an ESTJ, Maybe he’ll want to learn and maybe he’ll actually understand that I’m an ENTP and treat me like an ENTP and actually be okay with me being an ENTP for once and actually understanding that, and understanding my nature, being okay with my nature, because they recognize that I’m an actual real person. They don’t see me as someone who’s wrong or flawed, right? Or someone who’s abnormal or someone who potentially has autism or Asperger’s. You see? And of course an ESTJ wouldn’t necessarily really see it that way because they make up the majority, they’re 40% of the population, right.
And the part of the 70% sensing majority with their concrete what isn’t this, right? And then what if people like me who are the minority, right? So we get the short end of the stick. My theory was is that if I teach this audience and teach everybody as many people as I can how to understand themselves, how to know thyself, know themselves, and then know others, then maybe they would be able to actually finally treat others the way they want to be treated. Hi, I’m an ISFJ and I see you’re an ESFP so I’m gonna treat you like an ESFP hoping that you’ll treat me as an ISFJ and be okay with me being an ISFJ and the ESFP is like, thank you for treating me the way that I am and understanding who I am, and then because of that, I’m definitely gonna be doing that for you. And then it becomes reciprocal, right? So that’s what I’m trying to do here folks. This is my lover archetype, not developed yet, but I’m in the process. One day, I’ll definitely have time to enjoy life and go to the froyo bar or go paddle boarding or go on a vacation. I haven’t really been on a vacation. But I worked very hard and I’m taking the pain in my life, and I’m transmuting it with creativity and turning it into wisdom, so that I can understand love and then use love because love is the most powerful thing in all of the cosmos and wisdom is what you need to get to it. That’s why wisdom is the most important substance because you can’t understand love much less use love properly or the lover archetype, without having wisdom first. This is why the magician or the matron archetypes come before the fourth archetype, which for men it’s lover, right. That’s what it means. That’s what it’s about, right? So understand that. Understand the importance of the lover archetype. Are you not enjoying your life right now? Are you unhappy? Okay, most of you are, but guess what? That’s okay. Take that pain, and create something out of it. If you don’t know what it is, figure it out. If you don’t know what makes you most happy, that’s fine then look at what makes you most pained and work on that. Until you figure out what makes you most happy you got to have the four pillars of self intimacy to get those goals, right? If you don’t know what to do, fine, you will find out. Let me give you some recommendations, right?
Read every book written by Gary Vaynerchuk. He wrote “Crush It!” and “Crushing It!” I’m just about to finish “Crushing It!” I’ll be done very soon, probably in a day or two. Read that and also read “Lean Startup” by Eric Ries. Read those three books. You’ll have everything that you need to know to get started basically. Once you actually find out that one thing that you’re going to be doing, whatever that is, right? Men, you have to do this. Be the lover. Don’t be impotent like I was because when I was in the shadow mode of the lover archetype, before I was even developing the lover archetype, I was the impotent lover. I mean of course I was. I weighed 20 stone, right? And yeah, pathetic, weak, incapable, lacking, having no libido whatsoever, right? Understand that this is a problem, a serious problem. So take back your libido, create things, use your pain, use your joy. If you got joy, great, use it, share it with other people. If you got pain, use it, create something, share it with others, understand your meaning, understand your purpose, your deepest gift in life and give it to other people. Have self respect. Do not allow yourself to be constrained by dogma or rules, regulations, right, these social norms that people put on us like for example like the institution of marriage, et cetera, and legal marriage and the influences from the Catholic church or the influences of the marriage license which was created by like a king who wanted to marry his cousin and he created a marriage license to make it legal for him to do that, et cetera. Like, what a farce. That’s not what true love is all about. Remember, “love your neighbor as yourself” but in order to love your neighbor, you have to love yourself first, which means you need to be responsibly selfish. You have to be willing to take care of yourself, right? Something that I am still learning how to do today. All of you, many of you have told me, Hey, you need to take better care of yourself. You’re burning out. You’re right. I do. I do need to take better care of myself. It’s one of my weaknesses.
You see it every day. You see it sometimes and that’s why I haven’t putting out much videos because I’ve been focusing on taking care of myself and trying to get additional sleep and trying not to be sick and trying to have self respect in that regard, right. And next week, you won’t hear very much for me either because I’m gonna be having Thanksgiving with my family and I haven’t had that in many years. It’s gonna be the first time in a long time, right? So understand like how important this is. It’s all about understanding your deepest gift. What makes you meaningful? And it’s either your joy or your pain. I know this lecture is very focused on pain, but that’s because majority of us are in pain and very few of us are actually joyful. But if we want to have a joyful world, especially with this holiday season coming up, I recommend you start turning that pain through creativity to create something good for everyone else, to create something that eases our pain or brings us joy because of what you have suffered in your life. Remember failure and suffering is the default, but failure and suffering brings wisdom and that will ultimately lead to love as a result of having such understanding. And that is the importance, the true importance, of the lover archetype. And then once a man has completed the lover archetype, he literally has reached the mature masculine. So men, when you reach the mature masculine and fullness, raise up other men into it as well and become leaders of this world and take back your personal sovereignty, never allow anyone to disrespect you again, especially yourself, and then as a result, make decisions. Make decisions financially, with your relationships, romantically, parentally, education-wise, politically, make decisions from the perspective of personal sovereignty because you cannot have personal sovereignty, without the mature masculine or the mature feminine if you are a female, right?
Personal sovereignty is important so that you do not allow anyone to get in the way of you meeting your needs. And you respect your own self, your own personal sovereignty by having personal standards and you enforce boundaries and borders from other human beings so that they do not inhibit you from meeting your needs. Then you have personal goals so you can finally get what you want and what you dream of. And let me tell you folks, I got a lot of dreams and I work hard every day, 16 hour days some days specifically to make those dreams come true. And you know what? I’m definitely every step of the way going to bringing this audience alongside with me as I make that happen so that you also, because you’re a member of my audience, will be able to make your dreams come true. That is my commitment and my conviction before you today.
Anyway, if you found this lecture useful, helpful, educational, enlightening, please subscribe to the channel here on YouTube and on the podcast. If you would like to support us on the podcast, I think the podcast has a support link. You can now support us there. We’re also gonna be releasing a patreon very soon. So thank you all for your patience on that. There’s gonna be some pretty cool goodies that are gonna be available for that. And we’re definitely gonna be growing from there. If you would like to look into books and source material, that’s posted on my website at csjoseph.life, just check out the books and you’re good to go from there. If you’d like to join our discord server to get on our live streams for how to type as well as our Q&A session that we do every week, just join our discord the link is in the video description. If you would like to go to our meetup group to show up at our meetups which will potentially be throughout the country, it’s in the Bay area, psychology, philosophy, politics discussion group. You probably have to look up in near San Francisco and meetup.com to get on the group. But the link is also in the video description as well. So, thank you all for joining me tonight and thank you all for allowing me to share some of my pain with you. It’s important to me that you understand that I am a real human being. I am not a God, I’m just a man. I’m just a man that hurts as much as every one of you, every single one of you, especially you men out there who are struggling with being a man-child like I did for so long and are struggling in their path towards the mature masculine, which is where I presently am as I struggle every day, trying to reach the mature masculine, trying to reach integration, trying to reach that enlightened state, right? So, thank you for joining me on this journey and let’s continue to do so for the betterment of our world and for a better tomorrow for our children and future generations. Have a good night.