What is the ESTJ and INFJ Relationship Like? | CS Joseph Responds
CS Joseph answers the Acolyte question, what is the ESTJ and INFJ relationship like?
Welcome to the CS Joseph podcast. I’m your host CS Joseph, obviously and we are getting to act like questions right now act like questions are questions that they get one per month and I do a video response here on the podcast and also on YouTube, so that everyone in the audience can enjoy. If you want to become an accurate member, go to CS Joseph Valley Forge slash members, sign up for journeyman then upgrade your account to Acolyte. Or if you already are journeyman, go to CS joseph.ly For slash portal, and then click on the acolyte section from there and then upgrade your account and you’re good to go.
And yeah, we have lots of questions. So but we’re gonna get through this one right now. Hi, Chase. I’m an INFJ.
And I am currently trying to figure out which relationship is best for me. I’m trying, I’m willing to try them out personally. But I want a scientific point of view as well. I’m very interested in a monogamous relationship in the future.
Gotta love that masculine idealism. I’m wanting to know more about the bronze pear relationship for the INFJ, which is within an ESTJ, I really want to be informative, but I will stay on topic. Just let me know if I need more clarification or details you want. So in the q&a video, the INFP is getting to relationships ESTP is because ESTP is challenged the most rules? How does the same type of principle applies the INFJ ISTJ relationship? Could you answer from a male INFJ? Female ESTJ point of view? How do I especially being a man keep them from seeing my se inferior is weak? I have trouble talking loud sometimes, especially in public places around multiple people.
Not sure what talking loud has to do with being weak, but fair enough. Should I just get good? And yeah, so that is a large question. But we’re going to break it down into smaller pieces here. So the first thing I really want to address is like how do I switch to being man keep them from seeing a scene first week? And by the way, guys, let’s not stack so many questions for these acolyte things like just keep it to one question, please.
But yeah, so how do you like why? Why hide your se inferior as a man? Yes, he inferior is a real gift. By the way, se inferior is extremely rare. It is an amazing gift. It doesn’t pressure too much in it really unlike se inferior is one of the few things that doesn’t cause si parent or SI inferior, also known as si pessimistic functions to feel overly pressured.
So why would you want to hide that? And why do you care about Babe, you know, looking weak. I mean, you have si demon, you already look weak just by default. Just like, I look like I’m incapable of performing. You know, because of se demon.
Or I’m an AR I’m automatically creepy. So shouldn’t you just stop making that a priority entirely? And then because here’s the thing, you INFJs all have this problem where because of your ISTJ super ego ISTJs are like super obsessed with you know, making a good first impression. The problem is, with making a good first impression is that y’all are fake. Yeah.
So how about not being fake in a relationship, right, and stop trying to make a good first impression. It’s something you INFJ is all need to figure out. It’s so ridiculous, how many times new and you really don’t know just how fake you come off. Because you’re trying to make a good first impression.
At least an ISTJ can generally pull it off because it’s like their jam, but you with your super ego trying to do it. It is like the worst thing in the world and mega mega cringe and it is mega cringe to all the SI inferiors and all the SI parent types out there. Es Jays and enps just cannot stand this. So stop trying to make a very good first impression.
I even remember telling this to an INFJ recently, an INFJ that I care about very, very deeply. And I’m like tell him like look, just don’t worry about making a good first impression like and the reason why is because like si parents and si inferiors don’t really do rejection, they really don’t. So if you’re se inferior, you already win. And since this question is based on INFJ ESTJ relationships you’ve already won.
So what’s the problem? Why does it matter? It Well, the point is, is that it doesn’t matter. It shouldn’t matter. So allow your se inferior to appear as weak because appearances can be deceiving who cares because The reality of situation is your se inferior is going to turn to SC aspirational someday it may already be there. Who knows? I don’t know you that? Well.
So the reality of the situation is, is that like, you’re already going to be outperforming everybody else anyway. And what kind of strength is of character is actually required to be able to outperform everybody else in that context, you see what I’m saying? So anyway, stop trying to put like a very good first impression. That’s, that’s a complete waste of time. And the SE critic of the ES TJ will very easily be able to see that that’s what you’re trying to do.
So instead, make yourself as vulnerable as possible vulnerable, being not fake vulnerable, being 100%. real and raw. Just like I tell INFJs all the time. Stop trying to be perfect.
Because a perfect diamond is fake. It’s fake. It’s worthless. You want to be that flawed diamond, because that ESTJ woman is going to fall in love with the flaws.
Okay? Not with the perfections. All right. And since you’re trying to be perfect, and really, you know, it just exposes your insecurity and makes you unattractive? How about you just be real? And how about you accept yourself? 100% regardless of the consequences, the main lesson that’s taught in W Anton’s book, the manual, a book that most people assume is the pickup artists book when the reality situation is it’s not it’s actually a personal growth and development book, mental personal growth and development book for Templar men. It’s not actually a pickup artists book whatsoever.
So even though the cover of it definitely makes it look like or seem like it is, that’s just a sales gimmick, let’s be honest. So that’s, that’s, that’s very important. Why do INFJs and es TJs get into a relationship? Well, it’s pretty obvious, you know, ESTP, Jays are very systematic. They are very, they’re very organized, and orderly.
They’re very smart. And the INFJ just wants to be smart, just like them, et cetera. And the ISTJ just wants to be accurate, like an INFJ is, right. The ES TJ wants to perform like the INFJ does, okay? Like do you do not understand that that’s why they get into a relationship with each other, they see traits that the other person has, that they want, but those traits aren’t so overpowering, that it’s like actually inhibiting them from learning from the other person.
It’s literally a relationship based on learning, but it’s done in such a way where it just comes off insanely natural. It is just, it’s just natural. The problem is is that I’ve noticed is that INFJ is in the INFJ plus ESTJ relationship, they really understand is that they get out of the relationship, what they put into the relationship. And that can be really difficult for an F fi critic to deal with.
Because f fi critic is Introverted Feeling is the investment function in terms of like relationships and things that they invest in. And the FYI, critic causes a lot of self deprecation through cognitive orbit on the Extraverted Feeling parent, mentally, which can cause a lot of problems. So what you have to do is realize that, like, Look, if you’re having a bad relationship with an ESTJ woman, you’re probably not investing that much into her, you see what I’m saying, or you’re not investing enough and you and then wanting to do things, or doing things that you want, and then taking her along with you and promoting renewed, consistent shared experiences, you know, new shared experiences, but being consistent about new shared experiences and variety, from time to time. That being said, the ESTJ, because they have si pessimism in their Introverted Sensing parent, the ESTJ gets to a point where sometimes they’ll want to do have some do overs of some of the shared experiences that you’ve had over and over and over, because, you know, she’ll, she’ll feel like, there’s a lot of extra meaning there because it’s something that you did together in the past.
Right. And that’s, and that’s super important, as well. But yeah, like, at the end of the day, it’s just like, you have the character temple with the mind temple right here getting together. And the INFJ is trying to basically become more intelligent like they, as they see the ESTJ and the ESTJ is really working on trying to be a better person, and that’s what they’re getting out of the relationship.
And both of these two together can absolutely achieve that over time. However, there is a risk, though. And the risk is is that because it’s a bronze pair, also known as the natural relationship. It can lead to some serious enabling and then because of that enablement, well, it can actually inhibit personal growth over time.
So make sure that you aren’t living together in a bubble you actually We have friends and family outside that you can interact with on a consistent basis, especially since the intention here is to be in a monogamous relationship. Okay? That’s that’s really, really important. Now, if there if there was no intention to be a monogamous relationship, you having sexual relationships with other women in addition to this ETJ woman, then you wouldn’t have that problem. Because you’ll be able to learn over time.
You know, what, what’s, what’s necessary? What’s needed, and it even increase your own personal performance as well. Because then you won’t your your fear of rejection of like, finally burned out of your mind, and you don’t even care if you’re rejected anymore. But because you’re focusing on getting a monogamous relationship, you know, that’s, that’s, that’s the thing. And here’s, here’s the thing, I really have to point this out, because there is one thing that did actually bother me about this question.
And what’s really bothering me is that, like, I don’t understand why young people think that they can just type somebody and think that okay, yeah, I’m gonna be in a relationship, or like, they arbitrarily it’s kind of like INTJ is especially INTJ. Women, they just arbitrarily decide that, oh, I’m going to be with my golden pair, because that’s the best and they’re not going to settle for anything less. Right. Okay, well, look, from my perspective, you can’t choose who you love, especially if you’re like a male, it just kind of just happens to you, all of a sudden, I don’t care if you’re even an NI user male, because the reality situation is, is that if you’re a man, you still suffer from masculine idealism anyway.
And ultimately, you just can’t choose who you love, it just sort of happens. So based on that lack of choice in that area, I think it’s completely unreasonable to imagine as a young person that you get to, you know, customize the type of your significant other or your soulmate, because it’s very soulmate myth ish coming off, which I please, please read the rational male books one volumes one through five, especially Volume One, especially Chapter One of volume one, when considering asking this question, because that’s not how women work. And if you’re gonna lead with saying, oh, I want a monogamous relationship with you, they’re typically actually going to be kind of put off by you saying that and they’re probably not going to like you and your chances of rejection is going to increase, not decrease. So but you know, a lot of men get super confused by that.
So yeah, but anyway, just just stay on point with that and just realize that you shouldn’t be limiting yourself to a particular type just let life happen. Stop trying to control it. You know what I’m saying? Just let life happen. That’s really the best advice I could give.
So anyway, folks, hopefully this answered the question appropriately and this person is satisfied. I think everyone would be satisfied as a result so thanks for watching and I’ll see you guys tonight you’re still stone. Silver so can you take in the cave you coding