cs joseph responds
Welcome to CS Joseph responds. I’m your host Chase, here to answer your questions on any topic Jungian analytical psychology, or the Four Sides of the Mind, also known as Four Sides Dynamics. Today’s question is, what is the ESFJ dark side like? And the source of today’s question is none other than Quora, as usual. And let’s take a look at this question. Awesome. So we got a Dhienda Cempaka Shahannaz, who works at RSUPN, Cipto Mangunkusumo, answered on June 9th, 2019. As an ESFJ, gosh, don’t you just love how everyone is always all like, well, I was as an ESFJ, or as an ESTJ, as an INFP, as, as an ISFP, it’s just like, wow, dudes like can we like stop saying that as a blah? You know, there’s a chance this person is like, actually mistyped, because, you know, the tests are only one out of five accurate. And if they are an ESFJ, that means they’re affiliative, so they’re more likely to accept the authority, or the credibility of the MBTI test online. And then even though they’re getting a one out of five accurate result, it’s kind of like blowing up in their face, so I wonder what they’re actually gonna say, now let’s continue. As an ESFJ, my dark side would be overthinker, most– Ooh, interesting. Most of the time it is because I’m also a people-pleaser. Wow, this person might actually be an ESFJ. We tend to want to please people we care about to the extent we are doing things we aren’t really passionate about. Yes, they are doormatish. Yes. And live in regrets because we are not after the real passion. Well, it’s kind of, because you guys kind of like, lack passion entirely, because of your introverted intuition trickster. You want other people to have passions that you feel wanted because an ESFJ feels valued when somebody is coming after them, and chasing them and seeking them and wanting them, et cetera. So, but of course, you know, that’s not exactly what’s going to happen. You know what I mean? We also tend to be too social, when I was younger, I was such a nosy person. Yes, ESFJs like literally the most nosy of all the types, it’s so annoying, but it’s kind of necessary too, because they’re nosiness can actually turn into safety for others. So you have to like understand that it comes with the balance. I need to know everything about everyone. Yes, they are insane, busy bodies, gossips, INTPs are probably as bad if not worse than ESFJs, but that’s kind of debatable. As I grew up, I learned that I was super exhausting and consumed most of my time, that it was, oh, I learned that it was super exhausting. Then I give no F anymore about other people’s business. But really almost every ESFJ person will go through that immature phase of being super nosy and too social, our immature version is super extrovert, and our mature version is ambivert. Okay, those last two sentences there, this answer are absolute crap, and I don’t believe what this person is saying. However, the first two paragraphs of what they said is right on, That’s excellent. Although it doesn’t exactly answer this question, but it is relevant information to ESFJs, so thank you for posting it Dhienda, and apparently no one else decided to post anything, so I will now I’ll answer the question, What is the ESFJ dark side like? Well, to put it very simply, you could take the red pill or you could take the blue pill, but you know, I’m CS Joseph, So we’re automatically going to be taking the red pill, and reveal the fact that the ESFJ dark side is controlling AF, like these people are like seriously controlling, like, Oh my gosh, they’re so controlling. And they’re extremely, they can be extremely manipulative, when they’re in their dark side. How and why, the form of manipulation comes from caretaking, it’s their vice. If you want to learn more about virtue and vice, of the types, because their virtue is caregiving, their vice is caretaking. We’re going to explain the difference in a little bit here, to sum up, if you want a deep dive of that, and stories about my grandmother, who was an ESFJ, you can go to my other YouTube channel, just go to the channel page for this YouTube channel, click on the feature channel, which says CS Joseph, it goes to my other channel, and then go to playlist, then go to season seven, and then find the ESFJ episode, which I believe is episode five, season seven, episode five. You can also do it on our podcast at csjoseph.life/podcast, you can also listen to us on podcasts there, hashtag commercial over. So ESFJ dark side, they, caregiving versus caretaking. and caregiving is that, as Dhienda pointed out, we tend to want to please people we care about to the extent we’re doing things we aren’t really passionate about, and live in regrets because we’re not after the real passion. That’s very true. And this is what causes them to be very giving and caregiving to other people. But caretaking, however, caretaking is known as a covert contract, a covert contract is like this. Hey, I scratch your back, you better scratch mine, but you’re not telling the other person that you expect them, that you have that expectation, whereas SFJs an NTPs, more than any of the types, have covert contract manipulation, where they do nice things, And they expect other people to give back to them in return, but those people didn’t even know they were on the hook for that, right? It’s extremely manipulative, and then SFJs and NTPs use that to justify that to betray those people later. And it causes them to be disloyal. Even though the crusader types, and crusader types being SFJs and NTPs, never even told the people involved in that interaction about the covert contract to begin with, this is why I tell crusaders, you folks need to be all about overt contracts, God, I mean, that, that, that would be nice, that that would be nice, but you know, they don’t do that because it’s improper, because they don’t like revealing themselves, so they like to stick to the shadows, these crusader types, et cetera. So that can be a serious problem. Gosh, my, my allergies is going crazy right now for some reason, it must be the glasses, because I was wearing them outside, and maybe they have lots of pollens still on them, I’m not sure. Who knows? So the point is, you know, when they’re in their dark side, they’re very caretaking, they end up taking from other people. So they, so it’s just turns into simply giving to get, the ESFJ gives in order to get, essentially, and it’s very selfish, and they, they liken themselves, they like to believe, sometimes arrogantly, believe that they’re the most self sacrificing of all the types, the most giving of all the types, which on the surface, it definitely seems that way, but they’re often giving to get, so it’s not necessarily always true. It’s not necessarily always noble. It’s not necessarily always sincere. It may look sincere, but it’s not necessarily always sincere. And usually their giving is a form of self serving. And another reason why they’re so giving in those regards is because they worry about their self worth, they’re constantly feeling like they’re not worthy, and I mean, even to get back to my grandmother, when she’s misbehaving, I’ll actually do the dishes in front of her to punish her, because it’s like, I’m taking away her opportunity to contribute to me, right? And she, and I’m, and I’m basically telling her like, hey, by me doing the dishes, I find you unworthy to wash my own dishes, it sounds really arrogant and narcissistic for me to say, but for some reason, ESFJs like, literally think this way. So in order, and you know, when I’m, when I’m meeting out justice on people, I like to meet them right at their level and hit them at all the little soft gushy places within their cognitive functions, within their minds, and that’s one of the ways that you do it with an ESFJ, you take away their opportunities to contribute to you, which then takes away their opportunities to caregive or caretake, et cetera, because they think they realize that they can’t take you or they don’t have take from you, or they don’t have some license to force you to do something against your will later, because you’re taking away their opportunity to give to you in the present, which again is a form of being controlling, and over, and after a while, if you are not meeting their covert contracts, if you’re not meeting your end of the bargain when they’re caretaking, because caretaking literally means, you’re giving to get, caregiving means your giving, which means you’re giving care to someone and not expecting anything in return. That’s what an ESFJ, a virtuous ESFJ would do. But a viceful ESFJ is all about giving to get, right, giving to receive something later. It’s very manipulative, it’s known as a covert contract again, but it can get worse. Their dark side can get even worse, and how it gets worse is that they end up, if you’re not– if you have a lot of covert contracts stacked against you in the mind of an ESFJ, and you haven’t given them any return on investment, because their ENTJ superego, the superego is a, is the place in someone’s mind, it’s an additional type, so for them it’s an ENTJ, they have an ENTJ superego swimming in their head, And this ENTJ is very, it’s ultimately, it’s evil, it’s where their hatred is, et cetera. And it’s especially upset when the ESFJ is not being listened to. And the ESFJ is usually telling you what for, because they’re giving so much to you, but you’re not giving them back anything in return because they’re covert contracting you, and you’re deciding not to listen to them, which causes their ENTJ superego to get really pissed off, it’s where their human condition exists, it’s where their sin nature exists. It’s where their propensity for hatred and evil exists, and then they start to hate you. And when they start to hate you, it comes out in extremely controlling behavior, where the ESFJ will start to control your life. And the ESFJ will work really hard to become so supportive of you, that you end up relying on them. And that’s your big mistake at that moment, when they’re in their dark side, they all make themselves so reliable and so convenient for you to utilize, that you will utilize the ESFJ in this moment, and then all of a sudden they’ll be like, nope. And they pull out the chair out from under it and you fall, you come crashing down and they’re like, you will do exactly what I say. If you want my reliable help, if you want my support again, you will do what I say. And just this covert contract becomes a controlling contract, where everything in the relationship becomes transactional, and they will literally control you and your life, control your finances, control your future, and they will have a say in every single decision you make, this is how bad and how dark an ESFJ can really get. So, if you would like a chance at your question being answered on this channel, please post it on Quora and tag me, or leave it as a comment below. If you want a guaranteed answer for your question, become a silver member at csjoseph.life/members, and post your question on our private Q&A discord channel, where I’m answering everyone’s questions during a private live stream each month, the next one’s on Thursday, if you want to get in on that, I highly recommend you become a member. Please also make sure to like and subscribe to support the channel, and leave any comments below, regarding ESFJs, and anyway folks, with that being said, I’ll see you guys tonight.