Hey what’s up yo hackers, welcome to the show the CS Joseph podcast. I’m your host, CS Joseph. And today’s question is Chase. What does friendship mean to an SI user like you? What a great question.
Thank you for asking this question. Very happy to have the opportunity to actually talk about myself, which I don’t often very much do, actually. So regardless. Yeah, let’s, let’s get down to it.
Let’s get down to it. So I’ve been talking a lot about recently how there are bonds versus attachments and attachments. And I mean, literally all attachment is ultimately unhealthy. All attachment isn’t healthy, it should be avoided, at all costs.
And this is really hard for people to deal with. Because when they look at attachment, they’re considering the let’s see, here they are. They’re considering the Holy smokes. They are, wow, kind of brain farted there for a second there.
So they’re considering a book called attaches. This book talks about different attachment styles, anxious attachment, style, secure, insecure attachment styles, avoidant attachment styles, et cetera. And the reality of the situation is due to these attachment styles that most people like kind of cling on to all of these attachment styles are ultimately unhealthy. And it causes a huge problem, especially when it comes to friendships or relationships.
And honestly, they need to be entirely avoided. And the reason for that is because attachment is ultimately a one way street relationship, where you are basically being drained from one person to another, you are being entirely trained. And that would be a really, really big deal. So you got to watch out for this, you got to watch out for that draining component.
And how that can be very detrimental to you and your relationships, especially as an SI user. But you know, for me, it’s like even worse, because my Introverted Sensing is Introverted Sensing inferior. And when you combine that with extra to feeling child you find yourself and oftentimes Stockholm Syndrome base attachments where you have this abuser who is absorbing from you on a consistent basis, and they are draining you and not giving anything in return, take take take take take take take, right. That’s all it is.
That’s all it’s about. And that too, can become a major issue, right? A major issue. So with all that being said, it becomes a bigger and bigger problem. Over time, a much bigger problem.
Attachment just leaves you entirely drained and you have nothing less than then eventually, like if you’re an SI user, you’re going to start realizing the abuse. And si users end up becoming very bitter. And they end up holding a lot of crutches, basically a lot of grudges. And this would be a serious, serious issue, the grudge because as an SI user, I often do hold grudges to people who have abused me, when I actually finally figured out that they have been abusing me the entire time.
And those graduates last a long time, it’s even the point where I will end up taking revenge against those people decades later. Now, that’s not to say that I’m not all about forgiveness, because I will absolutely forgive. But the thing is, though, is that if they’re not if they’re consistently like being my enemy, and whatnot, yeah. And eventually the skill gets tipped in my favor.
What’s going to end up happening is things will end up blowing up. That could be a really, really big deal. Very big deal. So and that’s something that just needs to ultimately be avoided.
Attachment ends up becoming the problem. Attachment is the bane of the introverted sensors, friendship or relationships. Because again, attachment is all about loyalty. This is one of the reasons why.
You know, when talking to women, for example, I do not allow myself to talk to women who basically give me photos of themselves, like naked photos, for example, because that creates unfair loyalty, right? And that unfair loyalty can continue to be a problem over and over and over. And that’s not that’s not something like I want my life. I don’t want to find myself, unfairly loyal to someone, which is basically an attachment and I find myself being taken advantage of this person at every single turn and That’s wrong, it’s wrong. So what I have to do is I gotta put up my boundaries and enforce those specific boundaries.
Right? That can be a big issue that can be a problem over time. Right? So yeah, I always make sure that it’s not me. And that, you know, such that, it’s not me that I just avoid that entirely. Instead, I have to have a personal standard of bonds.
Bonds are two way street relationships, where you receive as much as you give, or you receive more than you give, or sometimes you give more than you receive, but you will have confidence that you will receive later basically, these are bonds. And this is what the cognitive origin of intimacy and connection is all about, especially for ESTPs. And INFJs from that point of view. They thrive and does desire heavily desire bonds, bonds are absolutely everything to those people.
And you got to be aware of this, everyone’s got to be worried that these bonds, right. So what I would recommend, if you’re an introverted sensor, take the time to actually notice the relationships you have, I mean, at least INFJs and ESTPs. Their interest based, they have extroverted sensing, so they’re able to cut people off when they need to be cut off. That’s how that works.
They definitely do the cut offs. And the cut offs are actually very healthy, and very necessary. The problem is, is that si users can get stuck in their own little loyalty complexes, and do that loyalty complex, it ends up causing additional problems over time, like a lot of problems. So watch out for those loyalty complexes.
It’s a, it’s very problematic, it is a very big deal with loyalty complexes end up causing some serious issues, right. So because you end up getting stuck with abusers, you end up getting stuck with attachment and introverted sensors have a really hard time letting go of attachment. Because they get comfortable in their situations, they get comfortable with abuse. And that’s that’s the main issue, it’s really hard to maintain healthy friendships in that regard.
So bonds are everything now. It’s the ESTP. And the INFJ is purpose to actually guide si users to bonds and get away from attachment. This is why these two types are classically detached.
But introverted sensors, especially en TPS, we get attached a bit too easily. And that can be very problematic over time. I know this personally, it is built me in my ass so many times throughout my life, and has been an probably, you know, it has been like, ultimately, the biggest bane of my own personal existence, to the point where I’ve lost my family multiple times over the fact that I allowed myself to get attached to the wrong people into it. And also in the wrong situation.
You know, what people would call a situation chips, I guess. But it’s still based on attachment. It wasn’t a true bond. So if you’re looking at a friendship, as an SI user, if you’re looking at a relationship as an OSI user, you need to make sure that you are going out of your way, right? To not be attached.
And instead protect yourself from attachments. And make sure it is bonds. You have to be willing to talk to other people about the quality of your relationships so that your relationships eventually, you know, when the when you talk to your friends about it, they’d be like, oh, yeah, that’s really awesome. Oh, yeah, that’s really cool.
And it gets down to the point where it’s like, okay, these people are able to tell you from a third party point of view, if it is an attachment, or is it a bond, a two way street? Because all relationships be it sexual or friendship or otherwise, you guys need to make sure they are bonds and not attachments. Like it’s, it’s critical. It’s absolutely critical that you do this. So anyway, I’ve I’ve hammered this horse pretty hard.
Thank you all for watching and listening, and I’ll see you guys in the next episode.