CS Joseph Responds to the Acolyte question what books can ENFJ read to learn femininity?
Transcript:
Hey what’s up ego, hackers. Welcome to the CS Joseph podcast. And I’m your host, CS Joseph, yours truly, like, obviously everyone knows that because that’s the name of the podcast and just seems so weird, you know, I actually prefer people just call me chase, but like, my actual surname because of this CS Joseph pseudonym. It’s like really complicated and very hard for people to say correctly or even spell.
So I’m just like, yeah, gonna give it up. I’m gonna go for something very easy, you know, my middle name, because that’s Joseph, and I guess, very simple for people to handle. So yeah. Today’s question, interesting question.
What books can I read to make myself more feminine as an ENFJ? That was the question today, and I, you know, I really find myself really find myself kind of, like, embarrassed a little bit that I’m being asked that question because I’m not a woman, you know. And oftentimes, in my life, I’ve had to be there for a lot of women. You know, it’s kind of like an take on this daddy role with them. Because, you know, my daddy issues I guess, but which I which, you know, I kind of don’t mind and it can be really, really embarrassing because it’s not a man’s job to teach a woman how to be feminine.
It’s, you know, women in general, it’s their job. It’s the mature feminine shop. The problem is, is that the mature feminine is corrupt has been completely shot to death, or it’s completely non existent. And the reason why is because masculinity, masculinity is basically non existent.
In order for the mature feminine to exist, masculinity first must exist because the mature feminine is an effect. It’s an it’s an aftermath or an after effect of the existence of the mature masculine. And because the mature masculine isn’t around anymore in society, the mature feminine doesn’t even need to exist. So it doesn’t, right.
So one of the reasons why, like, you know, women are just so manly and so masculine and ergo II emasculating, you know, so So let’s, let’s, let’s examine that real quick, what is the definition of masculinity, you know, definition of masculinity is tribe above self, right. And a definition of femininity, is self above or, excuse me, I did that backwards. The definition of masculinity is self above tribe. And the definition of femininity is tribe above self.
The problem is that women their natural behavior, when they’re born, they actually put self above tribe. It’s called female solipsism. So by birth, they are innately more entitled, and more selfish than men aren’t. But that’s important.
And that’s actually a good thing. Because they’re like the harbingers of you know, enjoyment in life. That’s why they take care of children, they also ensure the survival of the race, they’re also the arbiter of the sexual history and the sexual future genetic history and genetic future of the human race. So it’s kind of necessary that they be more entitled than men anyway, it’s, it’s actually a good thing, not a bad thing.
And something that men need to accept instead of just judging women for because they get super judgmental over it for some reason they really shouldn’t. Like, it’s like, it’s like a man complaining that a woman is not manly. It’s like what, you know, and, you know, and men, you know, they’re born with masculine idealism, which makes them you know, put other people above them. It’s why we’re the disposable sex.
That’s why we die in the wars, et cetera. And honestly, like, that’s, that’s just, that’s just ridiculous. It’s ridiculous to me. Because, you know, men have to go through rite of passage, then they learned masculinity, they realized that society will sell them downriver at a moment’s notice and be willing to take your life from them, which means men have to come to the realization that nobody actually cares about them at all.
And because nobody actually cares about them, they realized that to put self above tribe, which is ultimately what masculinity actually is, but femininity can be difficult, it can be difficult for any woman, including ENFJ women. So there are a lot of books available out there. And then I’ve curated these books over time, because a lot of women have come to me asking me for help in terms of like, how they can become, you know, better women, et cetera. So so there’s there’s a lot of books out there but NF J’s ENFJ women specifically often have a lot of struggles.
They have the deadly sin of pride for one that can be a huge problem. And sometimes their home Almost incapable of listening, right? And they need to learn those social skills. So the first, the first book that I would recommend ENFJ women read to become more feminine is How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. Of course, that’s probably the first book I’d have like every human being on the planet read, but it’s just so important.
I’m going to underscore it here. Also ENFJs have a really hard time setting boundaries. So they need to read the book boundaries. They also need to understand attachment styles with relationships, if they’re secure attachment style, if they’re anxious attachment style, if they’re avoidant attachment style, all these attachment styles really matter, especially when it comes to relationships, which is ultimately why people are asking, you know, become more masculine or feminist because of a relationship approach.
And so ENFJ should probably read the book titled attached as well. Nf J’s also have this problem where you know, their Extraverted Feeling hero can actually cause an insane amount of damage. Nf J’s, you know, can be insanely enabling, you know, I had an ENFJ ex, her name is Kim. And I actually talk about her a lot in the HU R E.
NF, J’s lecture, here on the YouTube channel and on the podcast. It’s part of season three, I believe that season three, episode four, specifically. So in season three, episode four, I kind of talked about her a little bit, some of her hang ups that she has in there. And you know, I was actually in a relationship with her at that time.
And it, you know, she would have, you know, she’d have plenty of struggles in there. And one of those struggles was that she was constantly enabling a lot of my bad habits and enabling a lot of my bad habits without offering proper challenge, because it’s the feminine ‘s job to challenge the masculine, for example, without that challenge, ended up becoming a huge problem, a big problem. The reason why is she just let me do whatever I liked, right? The problem is, when the I what I like is coming from an FYI trickster wasn’t exactly personal responsibility, and then ended up causing more harm to myself and ultimately more burden for her, you know, because for example, she would enable me being obligated by other people, or enable me being taken advantage, my compassion being taken advantage of by other people. And as a result of that, I would end up becoming bitter.
And then she’d have to deal with a bitter version of me, and it would just blow up in her face. And that’s a huge problem. And she would also enable other people who are abusive to her in her life in like a big way. And that was a that’s another huge issue that ENFJ is end up having these extra feeling, Hiro cares so much, and they have their si nemesis, where they’re so worried about how they feel and how they value themselves, whether or not they’re good enough constantly questioning whether or not they’re good enough whether or not they’re worthy enough, and it just causes them to over care or to over help people or help the wrong person at the wrong time.
And that can continue to be a problem, like a consistent issue, right. So what is an ENFJ? To do in that particular situation? Well, you need to read the book titled when helping hurts, I’d also recommend ESFJ’s do the same. But the book when helping hurts really shows you how your enabling behavior actually ends up creating more abuse in the long run. And then you yourself can be come abusive as an ENFJ.
One of the ways that can happen is when the ENFJ becomes in effect. codependent NF j’s are probably out of all of the 16 types, the highest risk of becoming codependent with their enabling, where they are enabling their own abusers in their lives. And that too, is a gigantic challenge, especially for ENFJ. Women, you know, because they’re constantly changing their mind, they’re a moving target.
And because they change their mind so easy, it’s easy for an abuser to take advantage of them, and that could blow up in their face, etc. That could be a huge problem. So be aware of that. Be aware of that risk, right? You want to so there’s a book that you can read called codependent no more and I think Melody Beatty is the is the actual author of that book, I believe I believe she has she should be melody Beatty.
Yeah, code codependent no more. And it teaches the INFJ like, hey, you know, you realize that all of your enabling is actually helping people abuse you helping people take advantage of you. You might want to pay attention to that you might want to avoid that. You know what I’m saying? Like a lot of people just, they just can’t even deal with that they don’t even like realize they’re doing they don’t even know what they’re talking about.
And that just continues to be a problem. Over time, you know, so just just stay away, just stay away from codependency as much as you can really as much as you can. Let’s see here, there’s a couple other books. I think the 50th law is also a really good book to add to the list as well, which talks about it teaches the principle of fearlessness, something that NF J’s women definitely don’t understand, because they’re so afraid that they’re incorrect, or they’re afraid that they’re wrong in their thinking.
But the reality situation is they spent so much effort thinking about things, they’re actually more often right than they realize. And I think they could actually walk around or should walk around, and confidence with what they believe is true as well, which will increase their ability to be helpful, which ultimately will increase their ability to become more feminine. You know, because as they take on that feminine role, where they realize, you know, men were not created for women, it’s the other way around, women were created for men. And because of that, you know, they need to develop the ability to have confidence in thinking, but in order for them to have confidence or thinking, they have to first learn the skill of listening, which is extremely important again, and that also goes back to that book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, it’s really important as well.
Also, like, understanding like proper family dynamics, there’s a, there’s a historical fiction book called The Red tent, which we also had women in the women’s group for a while now the women’s group is basically defunct, it no longer exists, just the men’s group exists. But the red tent also basically shows like back into the days of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, how the family structure actually worked. And, you know, this is like one of the daughters of I believe it’s Isaac, or Jacob, and probably the only daughter and like her story. So I also highly recommend that because it really shows from a family structure point of view how family was structured in ancient times how masculinity interacts with the feminine, and how the feminine can come together, instead of being so entirely pragmatic, because remember, femininity, and women in general are very pragmatic when they get together.
But men end up becoming really affiliative can’t break the bro code can’t violate the bromance, you know what I’m saying? It’s because men together are more affiliative. But women, when they’re together more pragmatic, this is why women have a hard time deciding who should be in charge, or who should lead or what their hierarchy is. You might have a queen bee, but that’s only for what four to 12 Girls and he add more girls, and then all of a sudden, they’re competing for who should be in charge and who should be leading that day and they end up passing the torch of leadership between each other. Whereas men because we’re so affiliative the masculine just knows, okay, that guy is the alpha, that’s it, Period End of story.
He can be challenged from time to time but again, that’s it doesn’t matter. So anyway, these are just some examples of some books that an ENFJ can read to help them become more feminine. You can also try dear lover by God what that what is that guy’s name David data, but that’s mostly for NFP women are philosopher women. So just be aware of that distinction.
It’s not entirely might not be the best one out there. So but yeah, if you want to find more books, go to CS joseph.ly forward slash reading. We have my basically my library there although we have to update it with all the new books that I’ve read recently. It’s been tried to update it once a year.
And then also, there’s a coaching sale going on right now. If you want to get in on the code summer coaching sale before ends. You might want to check that out. So anyway, folks, thanks for watching later.
