Season 22, Episode 5 Transcript
00:01 Hey guys, it’s CS Joseph with CS Joseph dot life doing a new episode for season 22. This is kind of transitions for ESFJ’s, and doing something new bicycling right now with Railgun, my lovely bride, and she bought me this bicycle. God bless her. Reminds me of my favorite bike, I have a nice little kid.
She’s pretty awesome. And just it’s a it’s a cruiser. So I didn’t realize how to cruise her when I was little. But apparently, that’s what it was.
So anyway, taking a nice little stroll on the trail here. In town, it’s pretty nice out actually, signs going down. So I figured, hey, why not try and attend to shoot a lecture or riding a bicycle? Because, I mean, if I’m going to shoot a relaxer while driving, why can’t face you to lecture while doing a bicycle. Maybe I’ll shoot a lecture while jumping out of an airplane one time, you know what I’m saying? Or maybe I’ll shoot a lecture while snowboarding.
Who knows what else I can do? While shooting a lecture, maybe I’ll think of skateboarding. To see if I could shoot a lecture while skateboarding. That’d be awesome. Otherwise be frank, I’m really bad at skateboarding.
So but it is what it is. Also, my se demon eagerly awaits to find out just how many people in this audience are gonna be triggered by this video. How are you people are going to be dizzy, I have no idea. So we’ll find out as we get there.
But I really gonna have my eyes much on the camera for this one. Because I have to like, obviously pay attention to what I’m doing. So we’ll see. We’ll see how it goes.
You know, hey, at least I have world class behind view of my wife as we do this. So I’m pretty excited. Either way. There’s looking at you beauty.
Anyway, I’m sure she’ll find out. I said that when when she watched this lecture anyway. So moving on kind of transitions for ESF J’s. So just a little bit of review, because these cognitive transition videos have been bringing in a lot of new people to the channel recently.
Just want to make sure they don’t get like left behind. So remember, how do you identify an ESF J, look at their interaction style, they’re informative, which means they’re implicit with their language. Very indirect, they prefer to be indirect, because they consider indirectness as, which is kind of like a foreign passion, or a passive aggressive in your speech beating around the bush. They do this because it’s important for them to be respectful.
And otherwise, they’ll just feel too guilty, right? They’re initiating like to initiate with people all the time, hey, what do you want? Or hey, how do you feel and constantly do not all the time? It’s like the ESFJ motto, go most I was dead, like if they’re, you know, speaking, Casiano or Espanol. But either way, that’s basically their approach. And that’s not a bad approach. They’re movement oriented.
So they’re focused on progress and making progress. And I care about having specific outcomes that they’re looking at, they more prefer to just kind of see what happens go with the flow kind of thing. So about progress or progression, you know, that can be working towards an outcome of some kind, but getting to the outcome, or the goal was not as important as the journey that’s movement, right? Journey is everything. So from there, we have guardian, SJ type.
So their past focus, very duty base, they always do their duty. I mean, if you ask ESFJ, like what they want, then you’re just gonna get like this deer in the headlights. response. So, okay, yeah, it’s a little weird, but it is what it is.
Like a little bit of a bump here. Let’s see how I do. Yeah, cool. Pretty nice.
Let’s go nice. biking around a town here during a lecture, kind of enjoying some nice scenery and cool looking houses that I will not own. Anyway, so yeah, they’re guardians and all about safety. You know, essentially about ESF J’s, like, professionally speaking.
A lot of them are into fire and rescue actually, anything that has to do with fire and rescue ESFJs are all about and if you’re looking for ESFJ man, or even in some mostly ESFJ man, let’s look in Fire Rescue. ESFJ are so traditional that even though you might find a female ESFJ, who is a feminist, quite frankly, they’re going to stick to traditional gender roles because you know, they’re an SJ right? And that’s what s J’s do. They stick to traditional gender roles? So you can kind of understand you know, like how an ESF J’s Fe hero would kind of get a rush a good experience from rescuing somebody. And it’s kind of why they’re involved with fire and rescue.
Let’s be straight. So beyond that ESF Jays temperament wise, you know, very concrete down earth people, and, you know, have a tendency to complain if they don’t like things the way they are. But sometimes they feel too guilty to complain, but their version of complaining, whereas, like, the ISTJ is just straight up direct complaining, but if an ESF J complaints, it’s more of an informative, implicit nagging. I mean, if you want to understand who is the most nagging of all the types, and it’s an ESF j, and this is includes men has to be honest enough to man their necks, they’re like they’re all about next, let’s be honest, but not necessarily a bad thing.
Because being a nag, is actually what some types need in relationships, believe it or not, and SFPs those are the types that need next in their lives. So, you know, anyone starts complaining about negs, or being a nag? Well, guess what SFPs are built for nags because SFPs forget. And having someone who’s nagging them, instead of someone’s directly telling them they don’t feel like they’re fit here or that their or their FYI parent that they’re being violated or uncared for, et cetera, they actually kind of learned to appreciate the nagging Ness, because the alternative which is directly telling them what they have to do, because they’re being irresponsible, right? They’d rather than more respectful, indirect passive aggressive route because, honestly, SFPs can be pretty passive aggressive themselves. So the kind of like to have that opportunity to understand one or the other, which is appropriate.
So that’s just kind of where that’s at. Got a little bit of wind here. I wonder how the wind is gonna hold up for the camera here. Who knows? So, as we change our trajectory here on our bicycles, so anyway, so yeah, in short, they’re they’re extremely supportive people, very duty based, you know, always there for you, extremely caring.
The virtue advice is caregiving, which is caretaking. caretaking is their vice. It’s basically it’s giving to get, or anytime they give to you. They keep track of everything that they ever give to you mentally, and you’re in their head.
And then every now and then they’ll pull it out of them and be like, Hey, I’m doing this for you. So you owe me. So you have to do this for me, basically, which is a form of covert contract, which is a form of manipulation. And whether or not ESF J’s realized they do this.
They all do it. All ESF J’s covert contract. Same thing with iossef J’s, in fact, all Crusader types actually covert contracts or SF Jey NTP types, they all do it. But the thing is ESF J’s do it the most, the absolute most.
And 08:15 there’s not really much that you can do about that, per se, it just it just comes with the territory. Now, obviously, the more mature ones covert contract less, but it still happens. You know, sometimes covert contracts are actually a good thing. Because it’s kind of like a defense mechanism that helps them prevent themselves from becoming a doormat because ESF j’s are extremely giving one of the most giving of all the types, FJ types are the most giving of all the types I would say.
So and because they’re so giving, you know, they have a tendency to potentially give too much and then feel and they, you know, and especially SF J’s can get like insanely better. And ESF J’s is no different, that bitterness is always there, that bitterness can come out like especially when like they’re not being listened to. being listened to is such a big deal to these people. Although it’s kind of funny, because they spend so much time getting everyone else to listen to them, but they don’t spend any time listening to others, which means, you know, they’re actually inhibiting their own learning.
So yeah, I think about that ESFJ like, hey, you need to listen to me because I’m insecure about whether I’m a smart person, so you better listen to me, because that tells me that you actually value my thoughts. And if you value my thoughts, that means well, that you care about me, right? It’s like concrete proof to the ESFJ that you care about them. If you listen to them. The problem is is that sometimes that can get a little away from them.
I mean, that could get way away from them, and they just spend so much time. In some cases their se critic forcing others against their will to listen to them. And the ESF J ends up getting so used to everyone listening to them with their si parent because This OSI is all about habits and building habits. And they just end up having the habit, getting into the habit of everyone else listening to them.
This is why it’s not always a good thing for an SF Jey, or an ESF J, especially in a family to always know. Or to always have people that are compatible with me and a family, it’s nice to have someone with high camaraderie because that person is just basically going to not listen to them by default. And it keeps them healthy, it keeps them sharp. It keeps them from getting in this comfort zone, habitual nature where there’s like, well, I have the habit of you listening to me all the time, which means we’re just gonna do what I say, and you have no choice.
Listen to me, because what happens is that they stop learning, because then they start to believe with their te demon, that they’re actually the smartest person in the room. A lot of people don’t understand that, you know, and that, that has to do with the second gateway for their cognitive transitions. But more on that in a second. So, but, you know, they’re concrete, like I said, and very affiliative always focused on doing the right thing.
They consider, you know, family oriented situations to be like, Hey, I’m doing the right thing. And, you know, that’s very important for them. Honestly, when they’re so focused on doing the right thing, they can’t like, get anything done, because it’s like, well, I know what can work is they’re trying to ultimately become pragmatic, because as people grow, they become more like their subconscious and the subconscious of the ESF j is an intp, which is more pragmatic, right? Well, here’s the issue, though. Sometimes they aren’t, they’re not really willing to sacrifice doing the right thing for the sake of doing what works.
If they just do what works, it might actually get them some success in their life. But they’re usually not willing to do that. And that can also be a serious problem for them. So yeah, it’s just not.
It’s just not ideal. Like I’m doing pretty decent. With this bike riding, all things considered. Cross the street real quick.
move into the next thing. Cool. Awesome. So yeah, but yeah, it’s all about, like, there’s so sensitive being listened to, because that’s really how they feed their ego, their Fe hero feels validated when you’re listening to them.
Because then they could feel like the smartest person in the room. And that’s all they really want to do. They just want to feel like the smartest person in the room. Problem is it could be at everyone else’s expense.
And that’s kind of the ESF J way about it. Right. So yeah, so the other very affiliative all about doing the right thing. It’s kind of why they’re so super caring.
But then again, both Effie heroes are very affiliative. In our last episode in this lecture series, it’s like okay, yeah, you NF j’s are affiliative to an ENFJ is kind of have the same need a being listened to. The differences is that ESF J’s have a huge advantage over NF J’s because ESF J’s have super high long term memory access with their access with their si parent, because they can remember everything in the past. And it’s also funny, ESF J, statistically have the longest lifespans of all types.
That’s also an interesting standpoint to consider. I have mentioned that before, but just wanted to bring it up again. They remember everything so well, that over time, even N ESFJ can remember when they haven’t listened to somebody, and then it’s kind of put them in the butt. Right? So that’s the thing.
And that would be you know, something of risk, right? For an ESFJ to you know, keep track of and be worried about. So, anyway cute German Shepherd. So moving on so, cognitive functions, and, you know, their Fe hero, si parent and the child, ti inferior, and then Fe net or FYI nemesis, worried about how they feel, et cetera, but Nemesis is also known as the ally. So it’d be like the enemy of the villain turn into ally over time as they grow.
And then the other critic function, which is extroverted sensing, and then the Trickster is Introverted intuition, which is what they want personally for themselves, and then their te demon, okay, is their function stack. And beyond that, you know, they’re also really systematic they they follow a system. Gosh, I’m just all over the place in this lecture for some reason, but because it’s like super new, I’m trying to like, multitask, but I do better work When I multitask like this. Actually, it’s just any hero has to be doing multiple things.
The same time to really get the most insight out. It’s just how it works, can’t plan everything. If you guys want me to plan everything, then the quality of everything I do is just gonna go down. Let’s be honest.
And that’s a fact. And a lot of people don’t realize that but it is what it is. I think ESF Jays would agree with me or other Crusader types agree with me on that. But probably more so intp is honestly.
So yeah. So kinda transition. So why do we care about cognitive transitions, while the four sides of the mind really matter? And, you know, that’s kind of where we’re different from everyone else. Everyone thinks that this is just like some MBTI like YouTube channel, but like, it’s not, I use the MBTI letters, because it’s good SEO, that’s the only reason.
Otherwise, I could care less about the MBTI letter dichotomies. I even have a video about how that was debunked. 15:51 So pay attention to that if you want. But yeah, like, honestly, it’s not really that big of a deal.
What we talked about here is four sides of the mind, four sides theory, four sides of the mind is that you know, you have an ego, you have a subconscious, you have a shadow, aka the unconscious and a super ego. super ego is where a person’s evil human condition comes from. The ego is like, their primary mode of thinking and feeling of decision making. Their subconscious is the kind of person that trying to aspire to become, and the unconscious is how, you know, someone gains wisdom in their life and become a more unlock their personal maturity, basically, but personal happiness because of a person that you’re aspiring to become, that’s more of your subconscious, right.
So, you have these four sides, but throughout your life, you know, as a child develops, you know, they start off with, you know, certain cognitive functions within the cognitive development, you know, the hero forms first followed by the inner child, and then the inferior forms after that. And then the parent forms and the parent function, which is Introverted Sensing, some people call it the auxilary function within ESF J’s. It is the final function of form in the ego. And, honestly, I mean, you’re supposed to have that completely formed by the time you’re an adolescent, but a lot of people out there end up in what’s called cognitive loops.
Dave superpowers talks about cognitive loops a lot in his channel. I was I learned cognitive loops from my mentor years ago. But kind of loop basically, I mean, Dave superpowers doesn’t have this definition. But my definition of cognitive loops is basically when your parent function is underdeveloped your child and your hero function because they’re optimistic functions.
And they’re they don’t have that healthy pessimism or cynicism from the parent function. What happens is that the FE hero and the N E child basically goes off on a rampage together. So and this creates an ESF J, who is the ultimate doormat so that by the time their si parent function actually develops, their better AF, I mean, if you want to know the most better person in the world, you look at an ESF J who doesn’t have their parent function developed. It’s because the parent function provides an ESF J, self discipline, they need that self discipline, they severely need it.
Because if they don’t have self discipline, they’re just gonna focus on giving everybody what they want with their any child and making everyone feel good, their Fe hero feel good, you need to feel good. And I’m going to give you what you want. And you get a car and you get a car and you get a car and you get a car and everyone gets cars, see what I’m saying. But then they get like, nothing in return, right? Because they’re also systematic.
ESF j’s are focused on doing the best way of doing things, right. They’re really focused on the doing things the best way or find the best method on how to do it, right. And that’s not, that’s not really the best if they were interest based, they could just look at someone and be like, Okay, this is what I’m getting out of the situation. This is what you’re getting out of the situation.
Oh, you’re getting more out of it than I am. Well, that means you’re automatically manipulating me. And, honestly, that needs to be avoided. But you know, ESF J’s, they have to develop a self discipline within themselves.
Ultimately, to get to turn around here. They have to develop the self discipline to understand that, hey, whenever I encounter somebody new, or old, or someone they’re familiar with, they always have to, through self discipline, ask themselves the question, Hey, what is this person getting out of this? And versus what am I getting out of it? Is it the same Am I getting more out of it? Or if they’re getting less out of it than the other person? Well, then they realize they’re being manipulated. Then they gotta use their ti inferior not be afraid and tell the truth and it’s beause that to the other person, but it’s so hard for them to do, because there’s so informative and it’s so systematic. So to develop that sense of personal responsibility within si parents is actually extremely difficult, right? Like, it’s very difficult.
So and ESF j has to trial and error their way through life consistently and make error after error after error, and have people take advantage of them over and over and over them, it’s for them to finally get over their SJ normalcy bias for them to change, you know. And that’s absolutely necessary. But this all goes beyond that. When you look at four sides, the mind that’s like the big challenge the ego, but there’s other challenges the other sides of mind, and I’m not going to get into those challenges, because that’s more seasoned 19 con content.
This is season 22. If you want to learn more about season 19, go to CS joseph.ly forward slash Patreon, there’s a huge menu of all of our content that we offer there, you can check that out there. Now. When it comes to ESF J’s specifically, though, try and understand that, you know, they have four sides of the mind everyone is trying to you know, develop their subconscious develop their their unconscious.
And because that people transition how or why do people transition, there’s a lot of different ways for it. So one way, if you look at their transition is subconscious that’s based on fear. It’s all about fear, right? Or it’s about aspiration, or a positive or negative transition. So remember, you can enter into one of your size your mind either chaotically or orderly, you can enter your side of the mind any size mind with the power of the yen, like, you know, young, young, right? Or the part of the young, the young is allow the firm, the orderly, whereas the Yen is all about chaos, kind of like a bottle of water, going chunk, chunk chunk, versus a nice constant stream of water coming out of that bottle.
Because there’s enough air inside of it. It’s coming out in an orderly manner, right? So it’s not the air in the water is not competing for three dimensional space within the bottle, right? It’s the same concept of cognitive transition, the absolute same concept. So anyway, so you have four gateways, how do you mechanically transition? Well, you transition in the ego with your hero function. But that’s basically default, because that’s what’s given to you as a child, right? And you transfer in your subconscious, the second gateway, which is your Inferior function, which is Ti inferior, or logic or thinking, one’s own thinking, as for any ESF j, right.
So then beyond that, you have the third gateway, which is Introverted Feeling nemesis, right. And then you have the fourth gateway, which is their extroverted thinking demon to get into their super ego. Now, obviously, there’s different ways of going, but each transition has an orderly transition versus a chaotic transition, you know, it is what it is, it’s just how it works. But what causes the transitions? Well, honestly, stress, fear, worry.
Also, someone being disrespected. Those are the negative causes that can cause like a chaotic transition. And then there’s positive things which could be a self actualization for your ego. Which would be like receiving recognition, ESF J, se, love them some recognition that Fe hero loves, when other people venerate them for their good contributions for being so supportive, right? That’s really important.
That’s super important. But these are the different kinds of transitions that they have to deal with on a day to day basis. Because honestly, you know, unlike what other people would teach maybe the MBTI it’s like, Hey, you can only be this one type, there is no such thing as the four sides of the mind. That’s just all it is, right? You’re this type.
And that’s all you get, you know, well, that’s not true, because our brains the way it works is, there’s no such thing as a one size fits all solution. There’s just no such thing. There is no one size fits all solution. One brain cannot solve every problem that a human being can encounter, one persona or personality cannot solve it all.
So the mind has secondary and tertiary processes to shift its cognition in such a way to be able to solve various problems. That’s what it does naturally. But it can also it’s not just used for solving problems. It’s also used for personal growth, right? Again, more on that and season 19 For ESF J This lecture is already done.
The first nine episodes of season 19 are done. I still have eight more to go. So with that being said ESF jays, you know, have to Tran had to transition, you know, into their subconscious, right? Well, they’re already transitioning their ego because they’re just be kind of given that one for free by default. Congratulations.
You were born right? You won the cod, the great cosmic lottery, you know what I mean? So that cosmic lottery, that’s pretty important. People got to know how that works, right? Well 25:45 anyway, gonna kind of turn around here. Because too much noise over there. I don’t want you guys to be able to hear me.
So not exactly wearing a microphone right now. So also, Welcome to California. Just how it is down here. So, anyway.
So how would an ESF J go about being happier? Well, they have to transition and learn how to transition in subconscious. But then again, their fear can also get them there as well. So let’s look at that. Let’s look at the first or the wall.
The second transition technically. So we already talked plenty about the ego in this lecture so far. So subconscious, which is intp, subconscious intp. They’re brilliant intp is are brilliant.
They’re probably the most brilliant or the second most brilliant of all the types. I personally maintain the INFP is actually the most brilliant of all the types, especially with how they can absorb information rapidly and create a pattern and a system around it. And then essentially regurgitate that information with like this internal Philosopher’s Stone slash library of Alexandria. That’s like an AI wind button for everybody.
And I think that’s pretty awesome. intp they can create solutions, they can engineer any solution. And being able to do that requires some insane brainpower. Let’s be honest, there’s some ESF J’s out there that are brilliant physicist.
There’s some ESF J’s out there that are brilliant engineers. They’re probably the ESF J’s that grew up, you know, being picked last and not able to be chosen or fit enough to be in the military or in Fire and Rescue and the like. So they decided to devote their lives to science, especially since they’re so insecure about people listening to them. And they figure well, people are going to value hearing me and hearing my voice.
Because that’s what my sister does. She’s an ESF J. She’s always talking about how her ISFP husband gives her a voice all the time, you know, and how it’s so important her that her voice is so important, because it’s just concrete proof that her ISFP husband is going to listen to her Of course he what he’s got te inferior, te inferior listens to everybody intently. Just itself is not always going to express their opinion.
But then again, you know, the ESF j is constantly asking the ISFP Hey, how do you feel about this or what’s your opinion, and then the ESF J can get that additional input and make better decisions. That’s when any SFJ is healthy when they’re willing to actually listen to others. But sometimes, they get so afraid that no one’s listening to them that they stop listening to others entirely. And in fact, they can get so bitter with their Introverted Sensing, because no one has listened to them before everyone around them feels that they’re stupid and treats them like they’re stupid, that they just automatically assume that everyone around them is not going to listen to them.
So what they do is they use their SJ affiliative, forcefulness and force other people to listen to them. Even if they’re wrong, and they don’t care. They’re wrong. They’re just going to like stick their boots on someone’s neck, and force that person to listen to them.
And then they may not even give that person the opportunity to provide feedback to what they’ve just said. Which is also another issue. And that’s when you get like, a hyper insecure, ti inferior ESF j, because they’re just really afraid of not being listened to. And then they use their se critic, their shadow to like force other people to listen to them.
And they’re just afraid. And, you know, you can actually really force that out of an ESF j by telling the ESF J to their face that they’re stupid. You literally treat them like they’re stupid, and that’s not appropriate. cute dog.
So be aware of that. We can’t just, you know, you got to be careful on esfjs You have to always listen to them, even if you think they’re wrong. But you could tell a healthy ESFJ from an unhealthy wine because then they’re telling you what they think. If they’re not going to spend any time listening to you and they would just prefer to be in their comfort.
It’s hard to keep their head in the sand. That’s a problem. And it’s really frustrating when these people are like, You better listen to me, you don’t value me unless you listen to me. Well, that can also be another issue entirely.
And that’s not something anyone wants. Not at all. But it’s not that they know that. But then again, that’s one of the fastest ways for an ESFJ to feel unwanted anyway.
Because they just constantly sharing what they think with everybody, and expecting everyone to listen because they’re so afraid of feeling that they are stupid right. Now, Healthy Transition and orderly transition looks a little bit different. It’s more like okay, yeah, I, there they are the ESF J, who has an open mind. And that’s how they use their intp side.
Because if they don’t have an open mind, wow, just swallow the bug. That’s really fantastic. Amazing. So, an ESF J.
When, you know, it’s kind of like, you know how I would just randomly spit on my own deck while filming right? And I probably grossed out all the ESF J’s when I did that, right? If you guys remember from season one, or Season Two that I did that, I don’t remember, not relevant to this lecture. 31:11 Anyway, so I didn’t choke on that bug. Really, I didn’t choke on it could have. So anyway, I might start coughing, who knows, we’ll see how it goes.
31:26 So esfjs. When they’re healthy, they have an open mind, where the intp is not like forcing other people listening. I’m smarter than you. And they actually have an open mind and they’re listening to other people.
That’s super important. Having that open mind, because that si parent is in there. And if it’s not really well developed, it’s only going to accept input from known sources and so or sources that they’re familiar with any unfamiliar ideas they’re not going to care about. But intp subconscious is all about the unfamiliar, the better, more happier, more developed more mature ESF j is open to new ideas, they don’t have their head in the sand, which is what I accused them of consistently.
I accuse them all the time of having their head in the sand. And that can be a problem. So try not to strive to do that ESF js, don’t have your head in the sand, you have to have an open mind, you will never be happy unless you’re an open mind. If you’re always focused on what’s familiar, well guess what? familiarity breeds contempt.
And if you’re allowing yourself to breed contempt, in your own mind, you’re going to hold other people in contempt. And then guess what, they’re going to marry you, especially if they’re SPS, and hold you in contempt, because you’re not willing to experience the unfamiliar. Because it’s all about your safety, all about your comfort zone. At the same time.
You have to embrace new ideas, you have to embrace unfamiliar ideas on familiarity, is the secret. Unfamiliar ideas are the secret to ESFJ success as a person especially getting as healthy cognitive transitions, developing the intp subconscious, which literally leads to ESFJ. Brilliant. But how can I go wrong? Let’s give me an actual example.
of somebody I know. Answer the intp. Notice Dave, Dave, Dave is a great dude. He’s an intp.
He worked for the hospital conglomerate I used to work for Fantastic fellow, an amazing VMware developer. He worked in security, although for some reason he was not doing security. Because when they hired him, they hired him for security. But he couldn’t do security because they didn’t have anyone to handle infrastructure.
So ended up getting stuck doing all the infrastructure work, even though that wasn’t his job description, all the while that happened. He was married to an ESF J. And okay, you can already see what’s going right because intp ESF J relationships are like the worst. So they got together, and they got married.
He was in the military at the time. Got all the military went engineering, did fantastic. But let me tell you some of this ESFJ wife of his, she thought she was so brilliant. She thought she was the smartest person in the world.
She take her little affiliative master’s degree and be like, I’m so smart because I completed this. And you know, I’m literally better than everybody else. And it’s like, I’m smart, and everybody else. I don’t have to listen to you.
You don’t have a master’s degree. I don’t have to listen to you. And I’m like, wow, really? Your credentials mean nothing. I was so tempted so many times, just tell her that she was stupid to her face.
Because I’m like, wow, what value do you actually have? You’re so close minded. You’re literally one of those people who goes to school, goes to college gets a job and then you stop growing. Because you think you’ve made it you got your masters great. You don’t have to learn anymore.
Wow. You’re not willing to accept it. familiar ideas? Wow. Okay, thank you for having your head in the sand that’s really appropriate.
You know what I’m saying? So that’s a problem, right? That’s a serious problem. You know, we can’t allow ourselves to be. We can’t allow our ESF j’s to be that ignorant. And let’s be honest, ti inferior can be really ignorant, or Yeah, it can be really ignorant ESF J’s, they can be like walking ignorance, boosters, making other people ignorant around them because they start enforcing ignorance.
Because of those unfamiliar ideas that threatens their personal safety or threatens their familiarity or threatens their comfort zone. Right? This can be a serious problem for them. And they’re just really not really aware of it. It’s like really frustrating, right? So yeah, like, what do you do in that situation? Well, to go on, their relationship didn’t go very well.
And he kept on trying to bring new ideas to her threaten her familiarity. She felt unsafe. And then she just went se rage with her ISFP shadow and then physical confrontation. I remember taking photos of him that had bruises.
And it’s like, wow, Mr. intp, you got such more normalcy bias that you don’t even realize that it’s not okay for your wife to beat you, or your children. Maybe you should divorce her. Thank God through an intervention of all of his friends.
He got to the point where he did divorce her and he’s better off for it. God bless him, he figured it out. But that’s just how far the normalcy bias and the familiarity complex can go within Crusader types. ESF j is an intp is that doormat effect.
And the thing that he was accusing her, he was kind of guilty of himself, because he wasn’t willing to let go, but I’m glad he figured it out. Anyway, the divorce, I imagine, opened her up and forced her to be in a situation where she’d have to accept new ideas, or because of how better she is in her life. Maybe she ended up having to further you know, go into her turtle shell. And then as a result of being in a turtle shell not actually succumb to new ideas or unfamiliar ideas, and stuck on that and familiarity, and let that contempt breed within her that bitterness breeds within our forever.
Are you kidding me? Like that’s like, that’s horrible. But that’s the life these ESF J’s, these ignorant head in the sand ESF J’s live, they’re so bitter, and they don’t even know it. The best thing that could happen to them is someone coming up to them and telling them to their face. You’re ignorant, you’re being stupid, because you will not embrace new ideas.
And you think you’ve got everything figured out, but you don’t. So what you have to do at that point to an ESF j is that way? Well, you have to abandon them, you have to make them feel unwanted. You have to make sure that they know that no one values their thinking, no one’s going to listen to them, and no one wants them. And only then will they consider that maybe their thinking needs to change.
If they’re that bad. If they’re good, it’s not really a problem because then they’re telling you all these new ideas that they’re that they’re having. And they actually go experiment and they become like this amazing, brilliant scientist, which is pretty awesome. There’s some really cool ESF J astrophysicist that work for NASA, for example.
They’re just amazing, fantastic. People and the mathematics that they do intp focus ESF jays, folks. They are amazing. I absolutely love hanging out with them.
And just listening that ti aspirational ideas. It’s really unbelievable. I think it’s fantastic. So beyond that, let’s look on the shadow.
So the third cognitive transition, the Nemesis transition. This is where an ESFJ worries about their self worth. They worry about how worthy they are. So already, they’re afraid of being stupid.
They’re afraid that they don’t know enough. They’re afraid that their intelligence may be lacking, or they’re afraid that you know, they can’t contribute enough to a conversation intelligently. So they end up just staying silent and in the background in a conversation until they’re comfortable enough to know that they can actually contribute right? Well, that can be a problem too. But beyond that, they’re already worried about their self worth.
They don’t know whether or not they’re doing a good job. And a good job is something that they need to consider. Doing a good job is important. So they need recognition, folks.
But sometimes they’re not going to get that recognition. And that can be a serious problem. For some ESF J’s out there. It’s a little bumpy right now.
So going down a hill trying to get I’m trying to do a little safe because I haven’t done it before so I inferior know what I’m saying. And I got there cool. So awesome. I’m still playing it like I will really like this iPhone cameras pretty nice.
It’s got white amplification I think it’s awesome. So 40:19 anyway, see, oh yeah, they’re worried about their self worth and that can be a serious problem for them because it causes them to care more and care more and care more but at the at the risk of being a doormat and honestly, people stop formatting ESF J’s, I am guilty of formatting, ESF jays, doormat and my sister all admit it. I did that as a little kid I shouldn’t have. I also doormat and my ESF J grandmother.
Really bad idea. I remember the last time I actually did it, my mom caught me. And she laid down the smackdown. For that one, I regret it.
I didn’t even realize just how manipulative I was being and taking advantage my ESFJ grandmother I did as a little kid, I didn’t even realize it. And then all of a sudden, I came to the realization and my Fe child just felt so guilty. I was so insanely guilty as a result of that situation. I never treated my grandmother the same ever again.
You know, and whenever I visit her, I always go out of my way to like, spend the time listening to her, even if you know, I’m not even interested in what she’s saying. Or even if I don’t agree with her thinking, the sound times I like to have some verbal, intellectual sparring with her. It makes her feel valued when I challenged him for ideas, but not too much. And to see her, you know, embrace unfamiliar ideas.
Because otherwise she’s gonna get all four ideas from CNN, because that’s what I’ve noticed that she does, especially with those people in her circle of friends within her age group. They seem to all be glued to the television and talking about current events all the time. A lot of them are essays because they have long lifespans. And they all are, you know, talking about that familiar media, right? So they end up becoming this big, regurgitating echo chamber.
And unfamiliar ideas are just not really something my grandmother is exposed to. So her growth is being stunted as a result of this echo chamber. So I tried to like go out of my way to bring her out of that echo chamber sometimes and bring unfamiliar ideas to her consistently whenever possible, when I see her, although she’s been having some stroke related problems, which haven’t been that great. And she had some medication problem recently to put her in the hospital.
So I am concerned that she won’t be with us for very much longer. But she’s like, she’s like, nice, she’s not she’s knocking on 90 years old at this point. So and, but she’s a fighter, she’s still in there. Also, you know, she’s former Central Intelligence.
So she’s pretty tough, let’s be honest. But, you know, honestly, it’s just, she doesn’t always have the opportunity to have those new ideas or those new experiences or those new people. And that’s one of the things I get really concerned about. But one of the things though, is that she worries about her self worth.
And this causes my grandmother as a member of our family to go above and beyond consistently. And it’s funny like watching her Fe hero combat the FE hero, my father, because she lives with my my mom and dad, my dad’s an ENFJ. She’s an ESF J. And like, they, let’s be honest, they got some camaraderie they’re going and honestly, it’s healthy for the both of them because it keeps them both sharp, but they can get each other’s throats.
And when my dad let’s be honest, when he gets like super upset, and my grandmother just to get back at my grandmother, what she what he does is he just does the dishes, because she typically does the dishes. So he takes away opportunities from her to contribute to the family and makes her feel guilty and makes her feel worthless, basically. And that’s how it gets back at her. It’s kind of interesting to watch, honestly.
But yeah, you want to get back at and ESF J, that’s what you do. He’s just be like, Hey, I’m gonna start doing your things, your responsibilities around the house and take away your opportunity to contribute. That way. You’re already worried about your self worth, then you’re gonna worry about even more, and then that forces hurt my grandmother de Fajr shadow, you know? Sometimes, you know, according to my dad’s point of view, he’s pretty justified because of what my grandmother does, because you know, and forcing ignorance, which is what ESF J’s can do sometimes.
He just not having it. He’s an intuitive he’s abstract. She’s trying to keep them in concrete land and not letting them have the freedom of choice and abstract land because that’s what se critic can do. Se critic can get in the way of other people Have abstract people and force people to be in the concrete against their will.
And that doesn’t, that doesn’t really bode well for them. And it’s especially happens when it comes to, you know, their their ISFP shadow because it’s like, oh, I’m worried about my self worth, I’m worried that I’m contributing enough, I’m worried that I’m a good person, you know, and when they don’t really have much proof as to whether or not they are a good person, but it’s weird because it gets especially bad NF J’s because they forget at least ESF J’s have the opportunity to remember all of their previous contributions. But if they don’t get enough recognition, they use those past contributions as weapons against people. And that’s This is where the covert contracting comes from.
They’ll start over contracting people and being like, Hey, I’ve scratched your back all this time, you better scratch mine, I’ve wiped your butt so many times, you better white mind kind of kind of situation. And I guess, you know, an elderly situation. Okay, you know, it’s probably inappropriate. But you see where I’m going with this like ESF J’s, they really want to have an opportunity to feel special.
That’s what FYI, Nemesis is all about feeling special. And they have concrete proof of being special themselves when people give them recognition, when people show them gratitude, and thanks, and it helps them get over their worry. And then they’re no longer worried because they are surrounded by people. And by reminders all the time, who do nice things for them, because they’re showing gratitude.
ESF Jays need gratitude. And when they’re getting enough gratitude, and are no longer worried about their self worth, so instead, they’re really wise, they become very wise, they become extremely mature, and they are no longer worried about their self worth. They’re actually properly valuing themselves. And they know that, hey, I’ve all the Cronk concrete proof in the world that I’m a good person, because I have all these people showing me gratitude, okay, I don’t have to worry about that anymore.
So then they have a healthier transition into their shadow, which allows them to be ultimately more artistic, they could put on a better show, they can contribute in more meaningful ways. Like, I don’t know, even, like, just like even even the simple things of life, you know, making sure everything is in a clean, safe environment for everyone watching over children. Saving people like their physical capability goes through the roof, if they know people are grateful for the contributions, if people are ungrateful around them, well, then they’re going to be constantly worried that they’re a bad person. And then as a result, they’re not there, their growth is stunted.
And they’re not going to be able to, you know, wisely handle the environment. You see ESF J’s, who are like Hoarders, or you see ESF J’s, who are or just who don’t take care of themselves. It’s because they’re not there’s not really anyone who’s grateful for them. And expressing gratitude is so critical to ESFJ health, they absolutely need that gratitude.
So for their personal growth, they have to remind people sometimes, Hey, be grateful. This is why they covert contract. But here’s the thing. They just have to be overt and contract overtly, not covertly because covert is well, that is the manipulative way.
But when they when they give things to people, you know, they can caregiver first. Yeah, I’m caregiving for you. I’m giving to you, I’m contributing to you. But then they’re like, hey, you know, in order for me to keep contributing to you, I really like you to do this thing for me.
You know, and that way, it’s overt that way. It’s communicated that way. It’s understood, right? And then the ESF J doesn’t have to worry about it anymore. The ESF J understands their own value, and because they know that they’re getting something in return, which is really important.
But sometimes, if you think about it, they feel really bad that they even have to ask, because let’s let me slubby up by honest Crusader pride is all over the place. Crusaders get super prideful. Because they’re like, well, if I’m complaining that, I mean, I must not be doing a good job anyway. You know, it’s like, okay, yeah, fair enough.
But sometimes, you know, as my mother in law would say, closed mouths don’t get fed. ESF J’s honestly have to be okay with complaining. And sometimes, you know, not being so indirect about it, but actually being direct about it. That way, they actually get something done, you know, because sometimes people aren’t listening, or they just don’t know how to listen.
And that TI and fear can’t be steamrolling. People like it always does. They have to keep that in check through self discipline with their parent. That’s why it’s such a nice self discipline so much.
It’s absolutely critical to their self worth to their personal growth, all of it. So with that being said 50:10 ISFP unconscious, who is very powerful, they take care of themselves, they create an orderly, safe environment. They become very skilled at making food, handling the house, cleaning the house, keeping all their obligations, making sure other people around them are meeting their obligations, managing the family, rescuing people needing to be rescued, all of a sudden, that ESF J cares more. If you want an ESF J to start caring less.
Well guess what? Don’t show them any gratitude. Because if there’s ungrateful people, then why should they care? That’s like the, the intp version of that is, hey, if I’m gonna do the time, I may as well do the crime. Whereas the ESF J version is, why should I care if no one else cares, right. So you have to be grateful to them, it helps them transition in their shadow.
And their shadow will actually take care of you because the home, the family, the traditions, the new ideas, everything that they do even engineering from the intp side, it becomes a piece of art and they can make it an artful experience for everyone. And then it’s no longer about their experiences about everyone’s experience. If they’re not worried about their self worth, and they’ll stop covert contracting, they will make their expectations known because then they are able to meet their own needs. We talk about, you know, in season six playlists on this YouTube channel, hey, by the way, you have to take responsibility for meeting your own needs.
This is how ESF J’s do it. They just need gratitude now and ESFJs to recognize you’re not always going to have grateful people around. If people are being ungrateful to you ESF J’s, stop being loyal to them, stop being obligates them abandon those people. It’s okay ESF j is you have every right to abandon people who are ungrateful for the things that you do.
You are a caregiver, if you’re giving care to someone and they’re ungrateful, stop giving to them, it’s not that hard, and move on, and then stop feeling guilty about it. If you keep feeling guilty, you’re gonna keep worrying about your self worth, because then you’re going to start believing that that person is actually better than you. And that will maybe I’m not doing a good enough job. Maybe I’m not caregiving enough, and then you’ll give even more, which adds even more bitterness and then you just, it’s just gonna be horrible for you.
Like, why would you do this yourself? You can’t. You have to know when to let go ESF Jays need to read the book when codependent no more or when helping hurts those kinds of things because you can be an enabler. I’ve watched my ESFJ grandmother and Nabal, my ENFP uncle, my ENFP uncle who often does not deserve the kindness that she gives him. And he’s stringing her along almost coquettish, like with gratitude, he’ll give her a little bit of gratitude here and there just to keep her just to keep her going.
And then sometimes, you know, he can be pretty depraved and selfish. And she just buys into it, because every now and then, he’ll leave her with some gratitude, because she’s not getting enough gratitude from other sources, right? Which is typical of ESF Jays everywhere. So, you know, so I go out of my way, I try to show gratitude when I’m around her. You know, but the thing is also, like, even at her age, she needs to be around.
She needs to be around people who show her gratitude. But she also needs to be put in situations where she has the opportunity to contribute, and then being given gratitude for those contributions that she does. They’re all about opportunities, you know, an ISFP, subconscious or unconscious, they’re going to end up wanting the wrong thing because of Ni trickster. You don’t want to get them in a situation where they want to contribute to the wrong person.
Because ESF J’s can develop Stockholm syndrome in as in as much as an intp could, because they could just become loyal to the wrong people. So you have to step in, and you have to criticize them, you have to tell them, hey, I don’t believe it’s a good thing for you to be supporting this person. I don’t think it’s a good thing for you to be caregiving. This person, they’re not going to give you gratitude.
They’re not going to give you what you’re hoping for. Why are you putting your faith in this person? They have a track record of never actually giving back. They never are grateful. There’s no concrete evidence of gratitude.
And then they’re like, You know what, you’re right. Why do I even bother, and then they stop. And then they can become loyal to somebody else. They always just got to be loyal to something.
It’s one of the reasons why ESF j’s are in churches a lot because it’s a system and they’re systematic and they can be loyal to it. Problem is that if the church or the religious belief system becomes corrupted, the leaders become corrupt. They will go corrupt with it, and then they will enforce the ignorant ideas of that The system and much of the detriment of people in their lives and their family. You know, which I completely understand.
I do understand it. But it’s not. It’s definitely not something I would I could really get behind. So.
So yeah, that’s that’s that transition. The final transition is the the demon transition with the super ego, which basically is, it comes out negatively, when they’re not being listened to, like I talked about, they’re not being listened to that way, but for them is that they’re going to force other people to listen, they will take charge. It’s like, Hey, if you’re not being grateful to me, if you’re not listening to me, well guess what I’m going to do, I’m going to destroy your reputation. And if you want to know and ESFJ, they will destroy your reputation.
Absolutely. Everyone will know how ungrateful person how selfish of a person how to pray the person you really are. And you know where the adage comes from, you’ll never work in this town again. Well, that’s because of ESF J’s, you’ll never work in that town again, because of them.
Because their te demon will literally burn all of the bridges in your life, they will burn all your bridges down. Quote, I’m going to destroy your life before you do. Right? Because that’s how it works. Because you either didn’t listen, or you are ungrateful.
And you know, that’s what happens. So that can be a problem. That’s the kind of a very negative way of doing it. However, if you’re making sure that you’re listening to them for showing gratitude for handling all those things, they end up actually increasing everyone’s reputation, everyone’s status around them for their own for those people’s benefit, not necessarily their own, which is the angelic form, but more on that in season 19.
So anyway, folks, I think this completes the cognitive transitions for ESF J’s, I know I was a little chaotic little scatter around was trying to like pay attention to what I’m doing here on this bicycle really enjoying this ride. And to get kind of got the hang of it now and figured out how to get into a flow state. So to be able to lecture like this. So it’s my first time doing this.
So we’ll figure out how to do that. And I’m glad to have this opportunity to Elektra like this and exercise at the same time. So anyway, if you found this lecture useful, helpful, educational, enlightening, please subscribe to the channel here on YouTube. Also, check us out at a podcast CSS with.ly forward slash podcast, if you’d like to financially contribute to what we’re doing, and get a whole bunch of awesome premium content for it, including our question and answer private lectures, the like conferences, for cutting edge material, that’s just not out yet.
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I love the comments guys. Keep them coming. Please comment like I read every single comment. So and kind of saying that it’s pitch black and and thank you for putting up with this kind of slow lecture, but hey, just trying something new here and trying to get it figured out.
So I am very grateful for all of your patients. So and with that being said, Folks, you know, have a good night as I enter the continued pitch blackness here. So later on