How can an isfj and an infp have a good relationship together and be good parents? | CS Joseph Responds
Transcript:
How can an ISFJ and INFP have a good relationship and be good parents? But before I can answer please subscribe to the channel so that we can make sure that the Seahawks decide to actually have a good team next year. And I’m really hoping John Schneider can actually do really good at the draft. But who knows, you know, if that’s gonna happen, it probably will, because that guy is basically a genius. But I don’t know what the salary issues that’s going on with the NFL these days, it’s gonna be crazy.
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And I’m here to answer all of your questions, union analytical psychology, or the four sides of the mind, also known as four sides dynamics. And the source of today’s question is a public wizard request at CS Joseph dot life forward slash wizard, and this comes from Lisa and Yannick from Germany, which is awesome. So yes, they’re question How can an ISFP INFJ and an INFP have a good relationship and good parenting? I think I’m gonna read their question a little bit more here. Hey, Chase, first of all, thanks for your amazing content, I think you’re great.
And I learned so much from you. I’m in a relationship with an INFP. And we are both aware, this is not a high compatibility combination. We’ve been together for five years now.
And somehow we want to make this relationship work. So if you could give some us some relationship advice, some challenges we have to overcome, and some concrete things we can implement, that would be great. Also, we’re expecting a child, we’re both 30 years old. So maybe you could talk a little bit about this dynamic is FJ male and INFP female parenting a child too.
And some challenges that could arise there. All right, fair enough. Well, let’s let’s actually do that. So INFP and ISFJ has really, really strong emotional compatibility, lots of strong emotional binding there, because the SI hero is made to feel good by the FE parent of the ISFJ.
So the INFP ends up being really happy as a result, which is pretty good. But they’re also the TI child of the ISFJ is like, say, Hey, I think highly of you to the INFP, which causes the INFP to feel less insecure, because of the TE inferior insecurity, which is fear of what other people are thinking of them, etc. And that can be an issue throughout, you know, any relationship with an INFP. But luckily, ti child is there.
And there’s a consistent amount of emotional support coming from the ISFJ towards the INFP, which can be fantastic. Not only that, the INFP can tell the INFJ specifically what they value, and show appreciation and show gratitude. And specifically for this relationship to be a success at all the INFP is going to have to be showing gratitude to the INFJ on a consistent basis, if not basically all the time. And showing and proving via concrete action, appreciation and gratitude on the reg saying thank you, you know, factoring them in on decisions, or speaking very highly of the ISFJ to other people, saying how great the iossef J worked so hard to such a great job all the time, this level of praise is absolutely going to be critical for the iossef J within the context of this relationship.
Although I will say like iossef J men don’t necessarily need as much praise as as iossef J women. Now speaking about the emotional side for the INFP in order for the INFP to have to you know, be getting a good experience from this relationship, the ISF j is consistently going to have to be meeting those emotional needs because to satisfy that te inferior si iossef Jays gonna be like, I think so highly of you and literally list out things as to why the iossef J thinks very highly of the INFP and is always looking for any and every opportunity to make the to increase the status of the of the INFP. Now, honestly, I doubt. I mean, I mean, there’s there’s or there’s a chance that, you know, they may not be ISFJ INFP.
Here, it’s possible that this could be an INFJ INFP silver pair, or it could be an ISFJ ISFP silver pair. So there’s actually a really big chance that this is actually a silver pair and someone here has mistyped so then there wouldn’t be any The sooner you mentioned problems, so let’s talk about the problems and that’s on the sexual compatibility side. Because both of them are seeking the other person to be wanted and the INFP INFP woman is never going to feel wanted by the INFJ man, because as if a man has an ID, man, and I demon doesn’t know what it wants, it doesn’t care about what it wants, it just wants to be told what to do. So it’s interesting, like both of them, you know, would be like wanting to lay bare back in a bedroom situation, you know, and receive an experience from the partner.
And that’s like having two canvases. And that can be a big issue. Now, if now, if you know, Lisa, and Yannick if I if I’m not describing your guys’s relationship, your sexual relationship now might want to consider you folks actually being a silver pair, because it’s very, not really, it’s not really likely that these two types are really coming together, because they just don’t really have much sexual chemistry. And people usually have relationships, you know, with sexual chemistry, and if there is no sexual chemistry, naturally, they just kind of go away from those relationships entirely.
So something to be aware of like, like, like, be be aware of that possibility here. That being said, if this really was the actual types, for the people, this really was their relationship, it would be extremely difficult. I mean, I don’t even know how you’d make it work. Because you know, the INFP is constantly spending their attention on themselves, the ISFJ, spending their attention on themselves, they’re both trying to get the other person to want them.
And the INFP would be because they’re the one who has an NI critic, the high zone of introverted intuition, they would have to be basically the NI user of the relationship. So that’s like talking to, you know, an SE trickster and expecting them to like have sexual prowess and expecting them to be on top and really take control the situation to the bedroom, which INFP just don’t do. They just like to lay there and take it. Typically, that’s typically what inf peas do.
They just lay there and take it. And especially in this relation, this is an INFP woman. And that’s basically what they do as coaching an INFP woman just the other day. And she’s telling me yeah, I’m kind of docile, and I just, I just like to take it, I just like to have a blissful experience.
I just like to, you know, be right there and, and go for and and have him go for it, you know? And I’m like, Okay, sure. I mean, that’s if that’s your style, and that’s what he wants, okay, great, it’s all good. But in this case, the INFP is going to have to completely reverse that position and utilize their shadow functions in order to satisfy the insecurity of the INFJ. Now, the INFJ can satisfy the insecurity the INFP pretty well.
But the insecurity for the INFJ is on the sexual side, not the emotional side. And the INFP is not really equipped to handle the ISF J. sexual needs because he’s expert intuition inferior, he’s constantly afraid of not being wanted, especially not being desired or passionately desired in a relationship. And INFJ man is very turned on when his woman is initiating with him seeking Him out wanting that sexual shared sexual experience with him and desiring him.
But the INFP doesn’t really allow themselves to want to think because they’re very critical towards what they want. And because of that, it can just turn into a total like crapshoot. They don’t. It’s just hard.
And so the ISFJ is just ultimately going to feel unwanted over time. And while they’re super mega loyal to the INFP, over time, they’re just going to grow apart because there’s just not there. And then over time, the ISFJ will be desired and wanted potentially by other women and other women may approach the ISFJ male in public and offer themselves to the INFJ, maybe even ask out the ISFJ or give the INFJ the number or whatever, and make the ISFJ feel wanted. And since their sexual needs have been completely ignored over potentially half a decade or more, they’d be very inclined to take up that woman on on their offer, which makes them feel like they are ethically justified in cheating, not saying that Jana Kira would be cheating or a dirty cheater.
I’m not saying that. But I’m saying that there is an extreme temptation and extreme pressure under the situation as a result, because the INFP woman is not able to meet the sexual needs of the ISFJ man. It’s just not happening. And he doesn’t he’s not going to feel wanted by an eye critic.
He’s not going to feel wanted by ni critic at all. And furthermore, the INFP has se trickster and is not able to give that not really able to provide any impact such that the iossef J is thrilled to even have sex with this person. There’s just there’s just no there’s just no thrill to it. You know, it’s like wow, okay, so that was the love tap.
Great. You know, Could you could you put some more effort into that where’s your own while an INFP is not exactly going to be put putting as much effort from an expert sensing point of view because they lack extroverted sensing, because you know, and the ISFJ si here is going to be expecting the INFP to give them an experience. But the INFP has si child, and they’re expecting the iossef J to give them an experience. So as a result, it ends up becoming, you know, having a huge amount of sexual incompatibility, which, in my opinion, will ultimately break the relationship.
And as awesome and as awesome as emotional compatibility happens, you know, let’s, let’s look, what does emotional compatibility end up creating in relationships? You know, in in culture, well, that’s where emotional affairs come from. That’s where long distance relationships come from. LDR is where they end up having these huge emotional bonds. But when it comes down to the sexuality, there’s just not really anything there.
Another problem as to why these relationships can happen, why these exist? INFJ INFP is because they probably were both churchgoers. And they were probably both virgins. And they tried to, like, you know, work it out, and it’s all they’ve ever known. And because it’s all they’ve ever known, they’ve just made it work.
Okay, yeah, so technically Sure, the relationship could work. But statistically, on paper, it’s just really not going to work. And that’s like a huge problem. You know what I’m saying? So there’s a huge risk, do I recommend INFJ INFP be in a relationship, a sexual relationship? Hell, no, I don’t.
And I’ve actually advised people of this pairing in the past if they weren’t actually these pairing, because we didn’t have the third party present to verify their type. I said, you might want to split up. But make sure you’re not in a silver pair. And listen Yannick from Germany at this point, honestly, I maintain that there’s a very good chance that you’re actually like, a silver pair, and not iossef J nine, FBI, because statistically, that’s what would be happening, I think there’s an eight out of chance, eight out of 10 chance that you’re actually silver pair, and not this relationship, which if it was a solar car, you have amazing sexual compatibility.
And you’d have amazing emotional compatibility with a high amount of mutual respect for the both of you. And definitely would be a relationship I would condone and support and I would never advise you folks to split up ever if possible. So just keep that in mind. If this is truly your guys’s types, and this is truly your guys’s relationship.
Really be careful. And watch out for the sexuality starts like the INFP is definitely going to have to have the self discipline to like literally learn Kama Sutra and take classes on sexual prowess to actually make this work. Seriously, she’s gonna have to get into the mature feminine, be in female space and learn from matrons to teach her how to perform better sexually, otherwise, this relationship is doomed before it begins. A lot of people think, oh, you know, Mr.
CS, Joseph, you’re being really shallow about that. But like, No, I’m not statistics back me on this one, guys, the study’s back me on this one. Like, the reality situation is that, you know, men primarily are in a relationship with a woman because they want that beauty, it’s got the sexual component to it. And beauty equals pretty plus human plus humble, and then you know, and having that, that beauty and then also having sexuality at the same time.
But if they’re not having that those needs met, they’re not really getting much out of the relationship. They’re just not I mean, you could argue that they’re getting, you know, they’re having children, and that’s great. Having children is awesome. But in that particular moment, you know, the man’s in, you know, in the modern age is not really getting as much in the relationship, especially since women in Western society on a whim can decide if a man is fit enough to be a father or not.
So there’s a lot of risk there involved. So honestly, if if this woman really is an INFP, and he really is an INFJ, I highly, highly, highly recommend, she takes classes to increase her sexual prowess. While he is as honest ti child honest, super pure, honest, even to the point of maybe even being brutally honest and coming off harsh, but in love to tell her exactly what he expects, you know, so that the sexual compatibility in some capacity could be emulated or, or created, even though it’s just not really mentally there, and you know, her ego and whatnot. But if he’s not communicating what he’s looking for, he’s setting up he could be setting up for her for her for failure.
And that’s also bad too. So obviously, it takes two to tango. It’s important for both these people to handle this issue. But you know, they got amazing emotional compatibility, that’s great.
But the sexual compatibility here is absolutely terrible. So like, do your best to figure that out? Seriously, take Kamasutra classes, take pole dancing classes for the INFP if possible, understands like proper clothing and lingerie and spicing it up and like, you know, it may be it may sound weird, but like, this will be one of the few times I would actually recommend a woman learn how to be a stripper and not obviously become a stripper but learn the craft because That would be absolutely necessary for maintaining this relationship, it just it would otherwise like it’s doomed for failure. But it’s more, like I said, statistically, it’s likely these people are not these types. And they’re actually a silver pair instead of silver pair being iossef, j plus ISFP, or INFJ plus INFP, one of the two statistically that they’ll be more likely that way and hashtag Pareto principle.
So now in terms of parenting, so in parenting, I have lectures available right now season 23 at CS Joseph dot life forward slash members become a member of journeyman level and just login to journeyman you’ll get your login email to you. And then you can go check out you can go check out how to you know how to parent and we talked about a concept about how to parent or about union parenting basically why I’m really exhausted when I film this. But young and parenting has a couple of principles, just understand that. And I go way deeper in season 23, in the members area, and whatnot.
And we just released how to parent INTJ is we’re about to release how to parent inf, j’s and then also iossef J’s this month. So check that out. But young in parenting basically talks about how you have to focus on developing a child’s Inferior function from the time that they’re born all the way till the time they are an adolescent. And they need to focus on developing their parent function when they’re an adolescent.
But there is some severe caveats, you know, as a result, the thing is, is that both of these two types, like with the ISFJ, you know, with both these two types, being affiliative, and trying to do the right thing, there is an there is a risk of having there being an affiliate of echo chamber and a favor pragmatic childhood to be extremely challenging for both of these two, because doing the right thing, according to affiliative types is really subjective. And it changes like doing the right thing is in the eye of the beholder, basically. So you like never really know. So that also increases the risk in this case.
But that’s not to say that both these types cannot parent child, of course, they could. But it’s really important that the male and the female involved with this, as parents are really heavily invested in male space and female space on a journey towards the mature masculine, and then the mature feminine as well. So they can bring both of those two things to the table for the child. But again, in order for the child to be developing properly, you need to be targeting their Inferior function as soon as you’re able to type them, but hashtag watch out because like, all of a sudden, your child may be presenting their subconscious instead of their ego.
And you may not even know what their ego is, until they’re like even in adolescence, for some children, it can be really, really hard to type them. So when that happens, you’ll have to be like, Okay, well, their, their function, their Inferior function is either this or this. So you’re gonna have to go to the races develop both as soon as possible to get their Inferior function handled, when they’re an adolescent, you will be able to accurately type them. And at that point in time, you need to focus all your energy on the parent function.
But you can’t do that so easily. But I talk more about how to do that in season 23, where I talk about how to parent each of the individual specific types. So if you’re a parent, you’re watching this, I highly recommend you watch the How to parenting lectures, I’ve been told recently by members of the audience that it’s my best work. And it really, really can save you a lot of headaches, and really help you build your legacy with your children with what you’re doing and whatnot.
So So yeah, please, please go out of your way to check that out whenever you can. Anyway, if you want your type to be like verified by me or anyone on our coaching staff, and we’ll we’ll verify you will use the report method and, and whatnot. And like I said, like, sometimes we’ll go beyond the 30 minutes because we want to know the truth. We want to know what type you are.
And we really go out of your way to do that. But if you want to check that out, go to CS Joseph dot life forward slash CS verify, to check that out. Or you can go to CS joseph.ly forward slash coaching as well if you want to if you want to see it from there, but anywho folks, I hope I answered your question, Lisa, and Yannick and I hope the rest of the audience is able to gain some really valuable information for this particular type of relationship, etc. If so, anyway, folks, all that being said, I’ll see you guys tonight.
