Season 4, Episode 2 Transcript


New Speaker: 00:01 Hey guys, it’s Chase with do[ing] another video. This time we’re gonna be doing a quick switcheroo for just a little bit about human nurture. Last video on human nurture we did was an introduction to human nurture as the other side of the equation for human psychology. We’ve been talking a lot about personality type and depth psychology, but that’s really in depth analysis on human nature, so I wanted to also include human nurture just to get the other side of the equation. If you remember we talked about a Venn diagram of a human being and that Venn diagram on one side is human nature, the other side of human nurture. Put them together and you have a human being with obviously environment and spirituality as the other two components. Other two circles as it were, for like a four piece Venn diagram that makes up a human being, but more on those later. So today we’re going to be talking about Game Theory, and a particular game theory based on Nash Equilibrium as developed by John Nash who created governing dynamics, also known as game theory. I developed one such theorem using his model for explaining how intimate relationships actually work. This is known as human attraction dynamics. I invented it. Although

New Speaker: 01:40 a lot of the components within my theorem come from other sources, and I’ve basically taken a lot of those components and put them together in order basically so that they make sense. So human attraction dynamics. I’m going to be breaking down each of the individual pieces of human attraction dynamics, and then at the end of this series, I’m not entirely sure how many videos long it will be, but at the end of this series, I’ll bring it all together with a nice white board of how human attraction dynamics comes together so that we can actually explain how relationships, intimate relationships, actually work. Which, to be honest, no one has a freaking clue how they actually work. And I’m talking about masculine and feminine relationships. Yes, there are homosexual relationships. Yes, there’s relationships that involve LGBT groups. Uh, and some of those relationships can be interpreted using this model. But for the most part, I’m focusing on masculine and feminine because people could actually make an argument that a homosexual man or a transsexual person could be more effeminate or more masculine, et Cetera.

Chase: 03:00 It’s Kinda like telling a lesbian woman that she’s a butch, if you know what I mean. So all those, uh, all that being said, human [human] attraction dynamics is basically a model that really helps us increase our understanding about how masculine, feminine, intimate relationships actually work. So, anyway, and another Venn diagram model, but, uh, let’s actually dive in and we’re going to be exploring the central aspect of how this model works, and it’s basically… think of it as a three dimensional Yin and Yang. And, uh, the very center of the model is the actual relationship between the masculine person and the feminine person. So that would basically be the area that I like to call the “love and respect zone.” So why is that relevant? Did you know that it doesn’t do a woman any good in the long run or even in the short term to tell her man that she loves him?

New Speaker: 04:11 Did you know that? Did you know men don’t really care that much about that? “Oh, I love you so much.” Yeah, men don’t really care about that. See, a lot of people don’t realize that men kind of go along with that because, at least in the English language, the word love is… it’s very limiting actually. What about Agape love, what about Philia love, what about Eros? Right? So many different kinds of love as to be described by this word. It’s not ideal by any means. So… what about women? It is not good enough to tell a woman that you respect her because it’s secondary. Just like love is secondary for men. So imagine now an actual just plain Yin and Yang, right? The big black part of the Yin and Yang represents respect. That’s like the masculine component of the Yin Yang, although that’s technically inaccurate because in the real [Yin Yang] (laughing)… actually in reality, the, uh, white big Whiteboard, uh, represents masculinity, but that’s fine.

Chase: 05:26 Let’s just do it backwards for the sake of this video, OK, because it helps people. So let’s imagine that the big black part represents respect, right? And the big white part represents love for the feminine side: White Part being what women are seeking in a relationship. All women are seeking love. They want to be loved. What is the definition of love? Well, it[‘s] really comes down to a choice to care. That is the best definition that I can come up with. I believe it’s biblical, actually… and a good way to demonstrate it… there’s another, a biblical example, and that is the saying, how does it go… “For when a man gives up, is willing to give up his life for his beloved, there is no greater love,” or “No greater love is when a man is willing to give up his life for his beloved.”

Chase: 06:36 Basically being willing to take a bullet for somebody. That is what real love is. And that’s what women crave. They want that love. They want that “no greater love.” Men, if you’re in a relationship with a woman and let’s say you’re intimate with her, but you’re not willing to take a bullet for her, I suggest you stop. Women, if you know that your man is not willing to take a bullet [bullet] for you in your relationship that means technically he doesn’t actually love you, and you should probably stop the relationship immediately. Because that’s a fact, like, seriously, stop wasting your time. [Like] don’t even get involved with those man children. Seriously. Bunch of man children out there, you know? Oh yeah, “I love you. I love you, but I’m not willing to take a bullet for you,” that’s not actually love. You should stop that relationship.

Chase: 07:28 Now. What a waste of time. So let’s look at the men’s side. You know, what do men crave? You know, our culture is centered around love pretty hard. And as much as that women think that it’s okay to say, “I love you to a man,” well, not good enough actually. Why? Well, it’s because men don’t crave love. Men Crave respect. First and foremost, a woman will go so much further along with saying, “I respect you” to a man instead of saying, “I love you.” Why? Well, because prime, a primary need of any man or… or of the masculine in this case, is respect. They really need respect. Why is that? Well, it’s because they go out of their way to produce. If, if someone is a real man, one of the core tenants of being a real man is that the man produces more than he consumes.

Chase: 08:26 If he’s going, and by the way, if your man is not producing more than he consumes, that makes him a man child, and someone I recommend you ending your relationship with immediately. He’s basically what I would call worthless. Like throw him in the dumpster real quick, like don’t even waste your time. And I’m sorry guys, I’m pretty harsh, but I’m an ENTP. I get to be harsh because I have Ti parent, so sorry. Fact of the matter is, if you’re a guy and you don’t produce more than you consume, you have no business being in a relationship with anyway, or no business having children with anyone. That’s a fact, because that makes you irresponsible. You have to be producing more than you consume because that’s what allows you to have a kingdom. We’ll talk more about the kingdom later because a real man, if he’s generative, according to Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette, famous depth psychologists, if he’s producing more than he consumes, he is generative.

Chase: 09:25 Thus he is a king, and if he’s a king, he could take on subjects like a family, right? A Queen and children, those are subjects; becoming a patriarch of his family, eventually has the elders move on and he becomes the elder; even more subjects. Such is the way of the king, and every man has to play that role. If they are not a king, they are not a man. That’s how it works. But more on that later. So if, if they are the king, they need to be respected as such. They need to be… like, what does respect mean? What’s an actual definition of Respect. Um, it’s a choice to prefer, defer to, love. Notice how love is inclusive there? And various few other definitions as well. Actually, I have a post about it going into depth on my blog. You can check that out if you want.

Chase: 10:19 Um, but the point is it’s not good enough to say, “I love you” to a man. It’s all about being respectful. If a woman is respectful to a man then the man will desire to love her. If, if a woman is… [is] being loved by the man, if she, she feels loved, then she’d be willing to respect her man, essentially. If she feels that her man is being unloving, she will become disrespectful. It’s that simple guys. It’s, it’s a Yin Yang. Why? Well, primarily women want love. Sure they want to be respected, but not as much as they want to be loved because respect is secondary. It’s like the little black dot in the white area, if you know what I mean, because the white area is what men are trying to give to women, right? They’re trying to give that love, right? Because men are the source of trying to give that love to women, and women would want to receive that love on the femininity side of the relationship, the feminine side. On the masculine side, it’s all about… {a bug in my mouth. Interesting.

Chase: 11:31 Probably shouldn’t be talking so much.} So men on the masculine side, they crave respect, its primary. Sure, men want to be loved. I’ll be honest with you, I do want to be loved, but not as much as I want to be respected. Respect is everything. You know, there’s another saying, you know, better to be on the corner of one’s own roof than to be in the home with quarrelsome disrespectful woman. Right? That’s because men crave respect. Men need respect, and, quite frankly, if they are the king and they are producing more than they consume, you know, have a job. If they’re being responsible, if they are really focused on being generative, noble, then they’re definitely owed respect. Especially by the woman that shares their bed, especially the woman that is their wife or the woman who will be their wife one day, or the mother of their children together.

Chase: 12:32 That’s where that comes from. Love and respect is a big deal. There’s actually a book you can read more on this concept. It’s by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, it’s called “Love and Respect.” I highly recommend it. It’s pretty religious though. It might be a little too religious for some people, which, I mean that’s fine, but at least the basic message is pretty scientific in its own right. And that is, factually speaking, that men prefer respect, women prefer love, and this whole idea that men need to, like, bow down to love or whatnot, or be willing to accept love from women as their primary need. Yeah, no, that’s not going to fly. It’s just not. It’s not ideal. It’s not, it’s not going to work. Why? Because men don’t crave it. Men crave respect. So the bottom line is, is if you’re in a relationship with somebody, you need to make sure that you’re covering your end.

Chase: 13:36 So if you’re a woman, you need to make sure that you’re respecting your man. If he’s not someone you respect, ask yourself, okay, is that because he’s being unloving towards me or, is that because he’s not respectable? You need to ask that question. So on the, on the men’s side, it’s like, okay, you know, is [is] my woman being [respect] respectful, um, or is she being lovable? There’s a difference there. Got to keep tracking on both sides. So everybody has a part to play in these relationships. Everyone has something that they can contribute, and that’s the main contributing factor. Men need to contribute love to their women. Women need to contribute respect to their men. Sure women can contribute love, but that’s only secondary to men. Respect is primary, and that’s a fact. Every single man that would ever watch this video would agree, and women would agree that they want to be loved, you know, especially loved.

Chase: 14:49 It’s very important to them. And if your relationship is not working right now, chances are that could be because of nature and compatibility with your personality type, which we’ll talk about in the very near future; or quite frankly, it could be because there’s an, there’s [like] an imbalance between the amount of love or respect in your relationship on the nurture side. It’s on the nature side. You can be compatible or incompatible on the nurture side. One of you is not getting enough love or not enough respect. And who knows? That could be due to lack of maturity, that could be to due to, um, you know, compatibility differences, but regardless of differences, both of you need to be focusing on giving that love and respect that’s needed to the other person. And as long as you know, if you know your end of the bargain, as they say, is being taken up, and that’s how it is.

Chase: 15:47 Here’s the problem with most relationships though. They have these covert contracts where it’s like, “Well, if I scratch your back, you’ll scratch mine.” You know, but the terms of that contract is never actually talked about and it just destroys the relationship, and it’s a form of subtle manipulation. If you really want to, you know, keep your relationship, don’t let it be as a covert contract. Set your boundaries and set your goals, set your standards that you have for yourself and for your lover, and make sure that, you know, just ask them, “Am I being loving enough towards you?” Or ask them, “Am I being respectful enough towards you?” Right? These are the important things that people need to realize when they’re trying to maintain their relationships, because if they are not giving each other the adequate amount of love and respect, their relationship will break apart.

New Speaker: 16:43 Furthermore, here’s another example. Let’s say… let’s say like one of the two involved in the relationship, well, they’re in the hospital. They’re in the hospital a long time, you know, and then they’re not able to provide that love or respect in the relationship because its a long time. And the other side of the relationship has to overcompensate for awhile and it creates an imbalance within the equilibrium itself, within the Yin and Yang itself, that can be a problem, right? So remember, the best thing that you could do for your relationship is to make sure that you have that balance, that you are both equally as much as you can, providing that love and that respect to each other as each other needs. Because the masculine side has to have that respect; because that feminine side has to have that love. There is no negotiating on that point.

Chase: 17:44 Otherwise your relationship is doomed to fail. So just remember that: love and respect, so that is the first component of human attraction dynamics and what we know as to how [relationships] intimate relationships actually work. So I’ll be doing more videos on this and other forms of human nurture so we can explore the human nurture side. If you found this video to be educational or helpful, please hit like and subscribe. And, if you have any questions or comments about love and respect, please leave them in the comment section. I’ll do my best to answer your question. So otherwise I’ll see you tomorrow.

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