cs joseph responds
Welcome to CS Joseph Responds, I’m your host Chase, here to answer your questions on any topic Jungian Analytical Psychology, or the Four Sides of the Mind, also known as Four Sides Dynamics. Today’s question is, how do I let go of an ENTP man as an INTJ woman? And the source of today’s question is Facebook or more accurately, Facebook Messenger. Let’s actually go right into the question and the question is presented by Ashley Deaton, who says, quote, “I’m so sorry to bother, “do you have any advice for an INTJ “who’s having trouble letting go with Ni hero? “Long story short, I was led on by an ENTP “who was with another girl, “but he kept saying stuff to me like, “I think about what it would be like “to be with other girls sometimes. “But he’s convinced he’s loyal to an ISFP “who takes advantage of him. “I know out of self respect, “I need to never speak to this guy again”. Well said. “But part of me thinks if I give him “the greatest experiences possible he’ll come through. “He’s also in my major that only has 85 people in it, “so I know I’ll have to deal with him more”. So wow, very interesting question from Ashley Deaton, and thank you for trusting me with this type of question given the sensitive nature of it, so I will do my best to be as gentle as possible. Well, within the reason of Te critic and Ti parents of course. That being said, this is actually an extremely common question that I get from INTJ women all the time, and actually I myself personally have been on the receiving end of an INTJ woman as well as INFJ, so all these Ni hero women who just do not know when to let go. But in this particular case the context of this question is more involving this ENTP who actually led her on. And in my coaching practice, I’ve coached plenty of INTJ women who find themselves in a situation where they end up being the other woman in a relationship. It’s also, it’s actually very common for female Wayfarer types actually to be the other woman in relationships, and as much as it is also common for female STP types as well. You could almost say like masculine female, masculine females, masculine types, who happened to be in female bodies, for example, which are any of the direct interaction style according to the type grid. If you wanna actually get a type grid, you can do that at csjoseph.life/typegrid, put in your email, you will be emailed a type grid, you can use that as a tool, the type other people. If you wanna learn how to actually use that, you can do that at our other YouTube channel which is go to the YouTube channel page. For this YouTube channel, click on featured channels and then the other CS Joseph channel will be there, and you could actually do Season two playlist, season 15 playlist and learn specifically how to use the type grid to accurately type people instead of relying on stupid MBTI tests or the letter dichotomies, which is an absolute waste of time, hashtag commercial over. So back to the question, so actually, Deaton is obviously in university or studying something within a major maybe it’s a master’s program, maybe it’s a bachelor’s, I’m not entirely sure, but she finds herself in a situation where she was led on by another ENTP. And I’m sorry to say this, but this is actually extremely common, especially amongst ENPs, and it comes from introverted sensing inferior. Introverted sensing inferior has this problem where it could just be absolutely totally depraved. Now I usually give ENFPs the biggest problems or at least the most negativity about them being selfish and depraved, but that’s not to say that ENTPs cannot be just as depraved as they are. It’s just more primary for an ENFP because when it combines with Fi parent, they can have this insane amount of selfishness and depravity about them, but that’s not to say that ENTPs can’t as well, because ENTPs, instead of like feeling entitled in a situation like ENFPs do, ENTPs can actually feel deserving to the point where they’re like, well, I do all these good things for people, I’m just gonna have this huge covert contract with people, so I deserve to sleep with multiple women at the same time and not care. This is a severe problem. And then they can also go even further and make further justifications for that depraved behavior when they start buying into systems like polyamory, when the reality situation is they’re just using those systems to their sexual advantage to rack up as many sexual trysts or encounters as they possibly can as a result of, you know, being, you know, coquettes as they are. And I venture to guess that it’s possible that Miss Ashley here was a victim of such an ENTP coquette in that particular situation. And it’s very easy to take advantage of, you know, Siren types because the INTJ, especially an INTJ females the Cleopatra archetype, according to the art of seduction, also known as the Siren. And the Siren goes out of their way to talk about, or they go out of their way to maximize their performance, their sex appeal, their aesthetics, as well as their bedroom capabilities, you know, quite frankly extroverted sensing inferior in its aspirational form is amazing in bed and many people often claim, many introverted sensors often claim it’s the absolute best they’ve ever experienced in the bedroom. The thing is though, is that, INJ women especially INTJs, because they are achievement focused, they end up being manipulated, especially by coquettes, especially ENTP male coquettes in these situations because they take advantage of these women’s performance anxiety, and they prey upon that, because these women, especially in their more immature form, and even some of the mature ones in some cases, especially if they’ve been, the mature ones have been alone for a long time, and, you know, that they don’t feel really good about themselves, there’s no one around them thinking highly of them, there’s no one really being loyal to them, where they don’t have a track record of men being loyal to them, etc, they often end up believing incorrectly that by trading high sexual performance, it creates loyalty into the other person. And this is actually, not actually, this is not really accurate. Furthermore, that’s also a covert contract. So in as much as, and a covert contract guys, it’s a form of manipulation, it’s when you do, it’s like, hey, you know, I scratch your back so you better scratch mine, except you’re not actually telling the other person that they have to scratch your back, you’re just scratching their back and then you get upset and indignant at them after you’ve done that, you’d be like, hey, you better do something for me ’cause I did something for you, but then you’re like, well, you never told me I had to do anything for you. That’s a covert contract, that’s very manipulative. The ENTP way is like, hey, I’m very deserving of this depravity, I deserve to be depraved because I go out of my way to do all these good things for you, so I deserve to have multiple sexual partners, which is what this ENTP is doing to this poor woman basically. And then, the INTJ female covert contract, which also was among INFJ women as well, both of them, extroverted sensing inferior performance anxiety gets into play and their covert contract as well, if I perform really well and if I perform to the best of my ability, that means I am owed loyalty, and then when they actually get abandoned, they become super mega bitter about it when the reality situation is, it’s their own damn fault because it’s a covert contract, their expectations were too high. And they were just a victim of manipulation or they themselves were actually manipulating the ENTP coquette, because they had, they were covert contracting. So as a result, both of these types, there is ENTP, there is INTJ in this sexual relationship, ends up actually like, you know, manipulating each other, taking advantage of each other, covert contracting each other, it’s hysterical, but it happens all the time, this is actually extremely common. And, you know and to Ashley Deaton’s point and I’m not bagging on her at all here, like I admire her not being afraid and bringing this to me and sharing a story, a painful story that, you know, could potentially like make her look bad or cause her to lose status with other people, but the fact that she’s even willing to admit this and come forward to this, I mean, it’s really admirable and I think it’s very good, it shows that she does not have you know, what is it, introverted feeling child God complex basically because she’s willing to admit her mistakes and she has admitted her mistakes, but this ENTP, quite frankly is taking advantage of her. Now, it’s possible that Ashley was covert contracting him and she kind of did mentioned within her question that she believed that, that she would believe that, quote, “if I give him the greatest experiences possible, “he’ll come through and be loyal to me”. That is, it’s a covert contract. So quite frankly, in these situations, the INTJ female needs to realize that they’re kind of just as guilty as the other party. As much as this ENTP coquette is, because he’s obviously covert contracting her because of his depravity and him feeling like he deserves to be with multiple women. And that’s like literally what’s happening here, even though he’s like, you know, but he’s convinced he’s loyal to an ISFP who takes advantage of him. Well, okay, it’s very common for ENTP men to be taken advantage of, especially by interest based women, especially by SFPs and NFJs, those types take heavy advantage of ENTPs because ENTPs are triple systematic, they’re focused on the best way of doing something, and they sometimes are not aware that they’re being taken advantage of because the interest based people are trying to create win, win situations, but their whole motivation is, hey, as long as I get mine from this guy, so it’s okay if he gets a lose and I get a win, that’s the difference between interest based and systematic. And the ENTP guys willing to sacrifice himself for the sake of doing the best thing, and he’s oftentimes willing to take the lose, and what this does is it creates Stockholm Syndrome within the ENTP male when in terms of this relationship that he has with this ISFP. I was basically molested by an ISFP when I was a really small boy and I had Stockholm Syndrome for that woman for many years to the point like when I would even have wet dreams, it was always with my ISFP molester every single time. That only went away probably about a year and a half ago, quite frankly, you know, it’s just something that’s just been with me for the longest time. So I understand as an ENTP how far that Stockholm Syndrome loyalty complex can go. However, he’s being Si inferior depraved. And when ENTP men are Si inferior depraved, they like to keep their options open, they like to have, you know, one foot in the water, on the seashore and one foot on the sand because of their introverted intuition nemesis, where they’re so worried about their own future, so worried about what choices they will have later, they don’t wanna lose out on any opportunity, and so they wanna try out all the different women as much as possible just to see what’s really good for them, etc, and then keep their options open, which is basically a form of cheating. And it’s deplorable and it’s a form, it is a form of cheating and it is a problem. And, you know, I will admit that I was depraved in the past and I exhibited similar behaviors in the past, and it wasn’t until I reached manhood and was able to take personal responsibility and understand that you just can’t treat women that way, and that’s just absolutely ridiculous, I mean, that’s like literally the behavior of a boy, it’s not the behavior of a man, that you just can’t do that. So folks, especially ladies and men, but especially ladies, when you’re watching or listening to this video, you have to understand one very key principle about sexual relationships, and this applies to all the types. And it goes like this, do not have sex with anyone, do not have sex with a man unless he’s willing to die for you. Because it is written, there is no greater love than when a man gives up his life for his beloved. So women, if you actually want to know if your man loves you, then he’s willing to take a bullet for you. So let me ask you this, why are you having sex with people, if they’re are not willing to take a bullet for you? See, that’s my thing, like I’m not really pro legal marriage, I’m not really into legal marriage that much, it’s just kind of not really my thing. But I do it because I love my wife, and she means the world to me, and she’s an amazing woman, she’s excellent. But the bottom line is that, hey, you know, when it when it comes to actually having sex, do not have sex unless he is willing to take a bullet for you, unless he’s willing to die for you. And men do not have sex with a woman unless you’re willing to die for her, okay? That’s just the reality of the situation. And here’s the thing girls, if he is willing to die for you, and you have sex with him, then why isn’t he willing to give you a ring? Think about that. It’s like, that’s not a leap of logic, right? And giving a ring is a sign of commitment, doesn’t mean you have to have like a wedding ceremony, doesn’t mean you have to be legally married or whatever, you can figure all that out. But the bottom line is that, sex without commitment is the problem. So that’s how you know, and Ashley, you know, and my direct response to you is in this situation, this is how you let go, do you want to have sex with a man, or be in a relationship with a man who is not willing to die for you? Yes or no? If the answer that question is no, then don’t. And here’s how you as an Ni hero can let go of this man, of this ENTP coquette in your life. Here’s how you let go right now. And it’s that, well, I know because he’s involved with this other ISFP and he has Stockholm Syndrome, etc, it doesn’t matter how I perform, and that’s also a covert contract, and I’m covert contracting him and he’s covert contracting me, and that’s just a horribly screwed up relationship anyway, and he’s depraved and he’s keeping his options open, and I’m just a second choice etc, and he’s got his foot in the sand, his foot in the water, okay, why would I even want that? That’s one way to let it go. But look at it this way, all of that right there is 100% proof that he is not willing to take a bullet for you, that he is not willing to die for you, therefore he doesn’t love you. And why would you want to have a sexual relationship with a man who doesn’t actually love you. So, If you would like the chance that your question being answered on this channel, please post it on Quora and tag me or leave as a comment below. 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