Season 8, Episode 5 Transcript
– Hey guys, it’s CS Joseph, @csjoseph.life doing another episode of type comparisons because that’s what people are asking me to do these days. Of course, these requests for these particular lectures came about two months ago, and I have a gigantic backlog of over 500 different lectures to do still. So, it just keeps growing and growing and growing. And guess what I’m going to keep providing and providing and providing and filming and doing even anymore or doing more than that, wow! The lighting is absolutely atrocious. Maybe that’ll help a bit better. Donno know, we’ll find out.
So anyway, this particular lecture is how do ESFJs compare to ESFPs? I’m doing it because we had someone ask. Okay, well, I can’t tell the difference between if I’m ESFJ or ESFP and I get so confused with the letters and I don’t know the cognitive function. So please educate me so that I know exactly which of these two types I am. Am I a P or the J variant, et cetera. So, okay, sure. We can definitely look at that.
So anyway, ESFJs versus ESFPs. So what’s the difference? Well, let’s look at their temperament. Their temperament is different. The ESFJ is a traditional’s past focused duty-based protector, focused on safety, worn anything very dutiful, takes orders. Really great for male ESFJs to be firemen for example, police officers, soldiers all those traditionalistic, SJ, careers, et cetera. Whereas the ESFP is an SP also known as an artisan, according to Plato. Not Kirsi because screw Kirsi, I’m tired of Kirsi. I like Plato. Plato came up with the temperaments for anyone else. Not that people knew that, but just laying that out there for those of you that are like “Cite your sources” and then I’m just like, Plato.
So anyway, the artisan temperament. Freedom based creators lives in the moment has mechanical mastery, is able to manipulate the physical surroundings around them. They also store their memories in physical objects, known as totems, et cetera, and are able to provide in that way. So anyway, let’s dive in and today I am featuring blue ink because, black ink kinda like ran out-ish. Maybe I think it did. So anyway, let’s dive in, shall we?
What is the differences and similarities between ESFJs and ESFPs? So if you live in the moment, chances are you’re an ESFP because they live in the moment they have Se Hero. Gosh, cannot see that still. This lighting is terrible. Now let’s see if we can adjust it here a little bit more. No, no no. Well, we’ll just have to deal with it.
So anyway, Se Hero lives in the moment. All about giving experiences other people, storing memories and the physical objects. When they pick up an object they’re triggered their mind is triggered with all of the things that they’ve done before the object or things that other people have done with the object, et cetera. It’s kind of like that cool mutant power on “X-Men” or “Heroes” if you like “Heroes”, et cetera. Yeah, I do kind of look like Zachary Quinto. Am I like literally his, celebrity look-alike? I mean, except I’m not a celebrity but I’m a look-alike. Who knows, we’ll probably ask him one day.
They’re also Fi parents. So they’re very moral, they’re focused on morals, all about moral behavior. What they believe is a good or bad thing, ESFJs, however, do not do that. They don’t do that. They care about how others feel. It’s all about ethics.
Remember the difference between an ethic and a moral, take abortion, because we love going after sacred cows on this channel. With abortion it is ethical because the collective or a group of people believe it’s a good or bad thing, but it is immoral because an individual decides that it is a bad thing. See the difference. It just depends on the perspective. The feeling judgment Fe versus Fi just basically it’s the source of the feeling? Is it an individual or is it feeling derived from a crowd of people or a group of people or three or more people because three’s a crowd and that’s technically an extroverted situation. One person or one-on-one is an introverted situation. So it’s technically ethical.
So they’re all about ethics, all about how other people feel very supportive of other people, ESFPs and aren’t really so supportive of others. They’re very supportive of themselves because of Fi parent with how they feel and they make decisions based on how they feel, and that is the priority for them. Now they have Te child which is what other people think they’re like, “I need people to think really highly of me and sometimes, I just need to save face and make a phone call. You know, I know I did something wrong but I need to call people and make them think well of me so that I could save face. And it’s kind of manipulative, and yes, I know I do it because Te child is kind of like a thought manipulator because it’s a thought vampire and it can rearrange the thoughts of other people’s.
Because if I could just, in the absence of communication or explanation, perceptions become realities. So I’m just going to kind of fudge it a little bit to adjust people’s view of me so that I don’t feel bad because I may have screwed up in a social situation but I need to save face, right. So I can feel good about myself. Sometimes I feel like a bad mother or maybe a bad daughter, or a bad wife. So I just, I just need to go a little extra mile to save some face,” ESFPs.
ESFJs don’t do that because they are so self-sacrificing to the point of being a doormat that they are so supportive and so caring and so in other people to the point they’ll do the dishes because they’re very dutiful. And in fact, they’ll get angry at you, if you do the dishes before they do taking away their opportunity to be supportive to you. Yeah, do not compete on the sink with an ESFJ. My grandmother’s Ne is FJ, the fastest way. If I was ever really, really upset with her, if I was upset with my grandmother do you know what I would do? I’d do the dishes, I take out the trash. I would literally do her chores, basically.
I would vacuum just to piss her off because she deserved it. maybe she had a covert contract she was trying to do, and it was manipulative. And I didn’t appreciate how she did it. So I just decided to do all the chores in the house and take away her opportunity for being supportive. Because I knew because she’s trying to be so supportive for other people that she worries about her own self worth. And because I took away her opportunity to contribute to others, I made her feel worthless. Yes!, but she deserved it. And maybe she shouldn’t have been so disrespectful to me. You know what I mean, so that’s what I’m gonna do.
Like knowing type means I know people’s pain points and I know ESFJs really hate it when I started doing their duties for them, right.
And it’s like, okay, come on two can play that game. You’re really going to try to force me into going into the social situation for this family thing so that we can like save face because saving face is also important for ESFJs, not for themselves, but helping other people, especially ESFPs, because they’re like second highest compatibility. Helping those ESFPs or those SFPs save face because SFPs gotta save face because they have to feel good about themselves. They have to know that other people think highly of them, because how others think of them is literally how they are deriving their sense of self-worth. Believe it or not. “No Mr. Joseph, it’s all about values and our values,” are actually based on other people’s thinking.
Don’t think that your values actually like necessarily come from you per se. I mean, you have a moral compass and then you can rise above what other people think. But do you not tell me that your values are not impacted based on the thoughts of others. The true false judgements of others, that statistics of others, because people could show you the sad statistic about this, this poor family, who immigrated from Poland or whatever. And then you feel bad because you’re reading the statistic and it just makes you want to pull out your money and give that to this organization who supposedly helps families immigrating from Poland. When in reality, they’re just trying to get your money. They don’t really care.
Yeah, that’s not a good situation. Try to make sure that your values are not as attached to the thoughts of others. And how do you do this? By not being a busybody by not paying attention to the thoughts of others and paying attention to what you feel and make sure that your feelings are based on you, and not based on the thoughts of other people because then you start turning into a gospel, and then you start getting into other people’s business and then you turn it into a busybody. And then it just turns into crazy.
And the ESFJ gets on board with the ESF beyond two because the ESFJ is trying to save phase for the ESFP while the ESFP is trying to save face for themselves. Be careful, do not allow this to happen guys. Realize people actually do care about you, ahead of time. And you don’t have to save face for them. And you actually end up saving more face if you come clean and just admit to them that, “Yeah I feel bad because I did these things, I’m sorry.” And that endears them to you ESFPs, and ESFJs. I mean, here’s the ESFPs to the ESFJ when they’re honest like that, don’t you think ESFJs? If ESFPs would be honest in that way, instead of trying to like play a little social games to try to save face that is more endearing, right? So why wouldn’t they want to do that? Food for thought something to consider.
So yes, they have their Fi parent, their moral compass. We talked about Te child. What other people think about them? And, Ni inferior ESFPs are insecure with what they want. If you don’t even know what you want. This is where people get really confused between ESFPs and ESFJs. Why? Well, because, Ni trickster, ESFJs never ever know what they want, but ESFPs are afraid of what they want. So how do people really tell the difference? Well, the ESFJ is incapable with aspiring with what they want. Whereas the ESFP is capable of aspiring, et cetera. Well that’s because they are trying to become the INTJ trying to become strategic and be very good at planning and organization and finances. Any ESFP good at finances. Actually it can happen, and it happens when they aspire. If an ESFP is getting over there and security and they are no longer afraid of what they want. And they’re no longer afraid of failure especially social failure, afraid of having low performance, because we always talk about Se inferior having performance anxiety.
The thing is, is that the ESFP knows that they’re a very good performer but they just don’t know what, they just don’t know what they want to perform, right. And because they don’t know what they want to perform. They’re afraid of performing the wrong thing. If they just choose different things and realize that they’re just good at performing in general they don’t feel so insecure about performing anymore. So then they can perform almost anything. And then they can get to the INTJ and be really strategic about it and start choosing the right things to perform on, right, which makes them even better. And they’re able to craft the ultimate strategic experience and provide it to their audience to the point where it’s like, wow, that ESFP is brilliant. Even though ESFPs have the stereotype of being an airhead, right. That’s because of Ti trickster, everyone believes that ESFPs are airheads because it’s like,wow! They don’t even think for themselves because they can’t finish a logical thought.
They do not have logos. There is no logos in here. There is only pathos or ethos. So you have ethos right here. You got pathos right here, pathos, but logos is down here and it’s like, yeah, this is like a black hole sucking that looks away. But we got that ethos, everybody’s all about the ethos. The ethos does not necessarily mean it’s true. You have to have the proof provided by logos in order to actually affirm ethos because if the logos does not match the ethos, that means the ethos is technically a lie because ethos, a.k.a. Te child is actually beliefs about the truth instead of actually arriving to a true conclusion. A provable true conclusion, that is ethos. So be careful. Whereas the ESFJ actually has logos, but they lack ethos. Ethos is way down here, in fact, they don’t care about ethos they only care about what’s true or false and you better give them their day in court.
Now luckily the ESFP does that for the ESFJ because the ESFP is very aware of what the ESFJ thinks. In fact, the ESFP can tack their feelings and their sense of self-worth onto the ESFJ’s thoughts of them because they’re like Te child’s locking in the Ti inferior. And I hope Ti inferior thinks really good about me, because if it does, then I can feel good about myself.
And my feelings are attached to what you think of me ESFJ and the ESFJ is like, “I’m so thoughtful, and I’m going to be really thoughtful about everything and remember everything that you like forever and support you in every possible way so that you always feel good. And then you always give me my day in court and always willing to listen to what I think. And then you give me a really good experience. And then I could do the, give you what you want.” And it just turns into this amazing synergistic relationship. These two could be best friends. These two could be awesome lovers, for example. This was a fantastic relationship that I recommend, second highest according to social compatibility, second highest aquarium sexual compatibility. Second highest for professional. Wait, second highest for every potential compatibility, is this one for these two types. I recommend it. It is fantastic for both.
Ne child is all about giving what everyone else wants to other people and making the desires of others come true. You never ask an ESFJ what they want. Yeah, because they’re just going to look at you with a blank stare. Well, the ESFP, you ask them what they want, they’ll be like, “Not sure.” And then you just say a few options and they’re like, “Okay I want to do that one, so okay.” But the ESFJ will never even do that. And that’s one of the biggest differences, right? So how do you get around that? Well, Ne child always tell the ESFJ what you want, and you not expect an ESFJ to know what they want. It’s not about what they want. It’s about what you want and you have to state it for them. And if you do that, then they’ll be like, “Oh, thank God, you just told me what you want. Now I have a boundary with which to work on and adjust my duty around your willpower.”
Because that’s what they are, they’re all about duty. Almost like being a robot but not robot is their good wills. Their good fortune to make sure that you have everything that you want. Do you have everything you need, et cetera. And is there a duty do so. And they are insecure about what they think. Sometimes they are afraid that they’re dumb. And this is, Ti inferiors where we get women who have the “dumb blonde” stereotype, ENFJs and ESFJ women have to deal with the “dumb blonde” stereotype because of Ti inferior. Everyone believes it’s stupid, but it’s actually not. Ti inferior is actually subtly brilliant. Why else do they have INTP? Which is an intellectual as a, the engineer type as their subconscious, it’s because of Ti inferior.
Ti inferior can process anything. It can process everything, just like Ti Hero can, the differences is just takes longer. So all you have to do is be more patient with the ESFJ and they will eventually think the proper conclusions. You don’t overwhelm them with constantly new thinking and whatnot. But all you have to do is just be like, “Hey, you should think about this,” or think aloud with them. They’re constantly thinking. It’s like, “Well, okay, let’s think of loud, let’s put it on paper, let’s put on a whiteboard. Let’s actually have an audible conversation about it.” It really helps the ESFJ think and come to conclusions, right? So, very helpful and that’s what ESFPs do. ESFPs are those thought vampire that draw the thoughts out of the ESFJs and they have the conversations. Then the ESFJ feels better because they’re worried that they’re a bad person and they’re afraid that they’re done. So they need to have a day in court to stave their thoughts, so that they see how the ESFP or others feel about it. And if they feel good about it they’re no longer worried that they’re a bad person and no longer afraid that they’re wrong, right? Very healthy for ESFJs.
And they’re very critical about the outward appearance of others. They’ll tell anyone if your shoe’s untied, or if you’re wearing dirty clothes, or they will always notice it and it will always annoy them. You always wanna make sure you have a good first impression for ESFJs and unluckily Se Hero of ESFPs are all about providing good experience and looking nice in front of people and having a great wardrobe and very fashionable, so that ESFP is always able to give a good experience to the ESFJ, at all times, thusly, the critic is not as concerned and not as critical towards the ESFP because the critics like the ESFP’s already got it all figured out, awesome.
And we already talked about the trickster of Ni Trickster, they just don’t know what they want at all. They have no idea what they want. And then obviously Te demon, which is “You think this about me and you do this,” and they could turn into this huge nag and this ENTJ just takes charge. And then they’ll start taking absolute total control over their partner’s life, If their partner did not give their Ti inferior its day in court, you have to listen to Ti inferior. I don’t care how much you believe it’s stupid. I don’t care how much you believe it’s wrong. I don’t care. It doesn’t matter. And you have to realize it’s not technically wrong. It’s just slower in reaching to the point where it reaches the truth, right? Or it’s missing details, or it’s looking at too big of a picture or too small of a picture, with its perceptions because ESFJ are big picture people because they have any child. Although ESFPs are small picture people ’cause they’ve Ni inferior. They are very more focused, really in the moment. And they have like a smaller range of, view. But whereas the ESFJ has a big peripheral vision but their thinking is based on that peripheral vision. And they’re looking at this big ominous picture getting afraid when the reality is if they would just zoom it a little bit, they’d realize the solution to their problem is like right in front of them, it’s ’cause they’re not able to zoom in. There’s a lack of extroverted sentencing.
They can sometimes to their credit but even a critic is not enough, but thank God the ESFPs exist for ESFJs to help ESFJs figure that out what their Se Hero and can reveal what is hidden to the ESFJ in the same way that ESFJs can do that by saying “Here’s a bunch of options. I had good experiences with these things. You could do these things with any child.” And then that takes away the insecurity of Ni inferior. “Now I know what I want to do because I see that you’ve already done it. You’ve already had success. That makes me feel secure. That makes me feel safe to make that decision.” Why? Because ESFPs are worried that they’re not safe.
They are worried that things are not safe. In fact, they are worried about whether or not they’re loyal to other people. Well, then they see that the ESFJ is super loyal to them and that, and their Se Hero absorbs that loyalty and then they become loyal themselves. Thus, the relationship is able to continue, right? And then also they’re very critical about how other people feel when they’re being obligated to things especially social things that can activate and criticize the ESFJ for being manipulative. ESFPs keep ESFJs from having covert contracts and manipulating other people, which is fantastic. They also force the idea of freedom to the ESFJ so the ESFJ allows freedom to take place because if there is no freedom for the ESFP of the ESFP is going to turn into a raging juggernaut and freak out and start plotting the demise or plotting with their ENTP, the end of their relationship. And then they will execute it with their INTJ subconscious and end their relationship, not recommended. So be aware of that.
And then obviously there’s a Ti trickster. They are not able to finish their thoughts, they’re amusing, a.k.a. without thought we already talked about that is the black hole of logos and their extrovert intuition demon if you do not give them the freedom to do what they want they will be committed to destroying your future together. They will destroy your relationship. They will destroy your reputation. They will be vengeful in that regard because it’s like, “You’ve been controlling me my whole life. You’ve never given me any freedom.” And then they will lie, Lie, lie to it. And tell you anything in order to get what they want because you are taking away their freedom. And if you’re parenting ESFP recognize that. I don’t care how much you believe it’s unwise giving ESFP freedom because usually they look like they’re being irresponsible.
And because they’re Fi parent, or they may seem selfish but the reality of the situation is that’s not necessarily the case. They are responsible how they feel what are good or bad things. And their Se Hero needs to like try everything that other people are doing so that they themselves can decide whether or not this is a good or bad thing, right? And they have to have the freedom to make those mistakes. If you do not give any ESFP freedom to make mistakes they will not grow. They will stagnate. And they will become worthless in their adulthood. Do not do this to these people.
If you are raising an ESFP also don’t put them on Ritalin. That’s dumb. I mean, seriously, parents ESFPs. They’re supposed to be hyperactive. They’re supposed to be hyper. Do not put them on Ritalin. That’s retarded. How about you respect them for what type that they actually are and understand how they work and how they live in society. That’d be nice. You need to protect their ESFP, remember, they’re already struggling with how safe things are anyway. Don’t prove them right, come on. Don’t do that to ESFPs. Thank God ESFJs will protect them from ESFP fears. Even though they kind of have fears like they’re fearful about different things but they cover for each other in that regard. So don’t do that. Don’t put them on Ritalin. Like seriously, they don’t need it. They’re supposed to be hyper. Let them be hyper. Let them enjoy. I don’t care if that means they can’t sit down still in school. School is the problem. Not the child. Wake up guys.
Anyway, so INTJ subconscious. We already talked about that. We talked about the ENTP superego and it’s plotting. We talked about the EMTJ superego and how controlling it can get. If you don’t give the Ti inferior stay in court. ESFJs, can be really brilliant. I’ve even known a few ESFJ physicists because their INTJ or their INTP subconscious was built. And they’re very aspirational through logic. And they got to that point because of a huge amount of abuse in their life which is really sad to hear, but they became amazing people for it because of how adaptable they are. Si parent means they can endure a lot of hardship and come out on top. ESFJs also have the second highest lifespan amongst all the types and there’s a reason for that. They have that endurance, especially ESFJ women. It’s like they live forever, so.
Anyway, that ends this particular episode for this lecture. If you have any questions about ESFJs or ESFPs, leave in the comments section below here on the YouTube channel and I will do my best to answer your questions. If you found this lecture useful, helpful, insightful educational, please subscribe and like. Subscribe to the YouTube channel and to the podcast and leave a like for this particular lecture. That would be dope. So, yeah, awesome I got a lot more of these to do so I’ll see you guys tonight.