cs joseph responds
Welcome to CS Joseph Responds. I’m your host Chase here to answer your questions on any topic Jungian Analytical Psychology or the Four Sides of the Mind, also known as Four Sides Dynamics. Today’s question is, how can an ISTJ get a date during quarantine? And the source of today’s question is none other than my brother-in-law, because, I mean, when you’re single and the most eligible bachelor in the state of Texas, then I guess that means you’d want some dating tips during this entire plague that’s going on since, like, everything is closed. I mean, it’s not like I can go to a bar. So based on that, let’s, let’s talk about some of some strategies that an ISTJ could do to get a date. Now, typically though, ISTJs have to follow a different strategy because if they don’t, they end up in situations where it’s like, “Okay, hey, “I’m initiating with the wrong person.” Well, ISTJs really shouldn’t be initiating with anybody. And it’s interesting for ISTJ men because ISTJ men find themselves in a situation where, you know, they’re, they’re under a lot of pressure from outside sources sometimes because ISTJs often outsource their thinking to others. So they end up accepting conventional, conventional wisdom, and this actually hurts them, especially in the dating world, because oftentimes ISTJ men end up being taught that it’s their jobs to be initiating with women, you know, because that’s the proper thing to do because they’re very affiliative, focused on doing the right thing. But the reality of the situation is, is that’s not actually, that’s not actually always true. Because an ISTJ, in order to have a really good relationship with a woman, that woman needs to want an ISTJ. She has to desire him and he needs to be desirable, etc. So in order for him to be desired, the woman would need to basically initiate with him in that particular situation, in order for their to have any chance of sexual compatibility whatsoever. And oftentimes, you know, in my coaching practice when I’m coaching ISTJ men and it’s, they’re looking at getting a divorce and I’m like, “Well, who are you with?” And then they’re like, “Well, I’m with an ENFP.” And I’m like, “Okay, great. “So you’re with your polar opposite. “Congratulations. “You played yourself.” You know, and it’s like, “Come on. “What are you doing with your life? “Why are you making decisions “being with your polar opposite?” Well, the thing is, is that they didn’t know any different. And because they’re affiliative, they’re being conditioned to think about dating or pickup artistry in a certain way, which is very unhealthy for ISTJs. So the strategy that I tell ISTJs to utilize on a regular basis is a fishing technique where they go fishing. And basically, you know, typically if like a bar is open, I’d tell someone like my brother-in-law, for example, “Hey, go to the bar, get yourself your favorite drink, “maybe two, and just set them at a table “right next to a pool table and play pool by yourself, “specifically to get better at pool. “If you like pool, then go for it.” Well, he’s like, “Well, I don’t like pool, I like darts.” I’m like, “Great.” “Go to a bar and learn how to play darts. “Like specifically, go play darts “and be really good at darts to the point “where you could like, maybe join a tournament “and compete for money. “Why wouldn’t you do that? “Make it about the darts, make it about having fun, “even if you’re there by yourself.” “Well, you know, I look like a loser “if I’m there by myself.” Like, “Okay, Te parent. “Yeah, sure, if you look like a loser “because you don’t want anyone to think less of you, “but the thing is is that you being there by yourself “actually kind of shows strength “and also makes you the most interesting person at the bar.” And of course, you know, Ni/Se women, specifically, women that are compatible with you, like STPs and NFJs specifically, and ENFJ probably being, you know, it’s a bronze pair. And then the ESTP is the golden pair. And the ISTP is the silver pair. You’d have a really good chance with those women, because you’re the most interesting guy there. And from their point of view, it’s like, “Oh, he’s just playing darts. “He’s learning how to get darts. “It’s about the darts. “It’s not about him trying to get laid.” So then they’re like, “Okay, well that’s what his interest “in this situation, his interest is all about the darts.” You see what I’m saying? Because these women are very interest-based. They’re aware of what they get out of something versus what someone else gets out of something. But he’s very systematic, so he’s not really aware of that. So his system needs to be about the darts, not necessarily about, you know, getting pussy, etc. So that’s, and oh, and by the way, I also tell them, you also have to have your own place, your own car, your own job, and be your own man and have your own castle. Because if you’re not producing more than you consume, no woman will be interested in you in any way. Luckily he’s already got those things handled and I’d recommend you ISTJs out there, make sure you have those things handled because if you have Failure to Launch syndrome, because you’re still with your parents, you’re a loser and you probably shouldn’t ever consider dating, much less breeding, until you actually get that figured out. How about you grow up and get that handled, please. But for all the other ISTJs who have that handled out there, awesome, go get yourself a woman, take on a woman. You know, just don’t have sex with her unless you’re willing to die for her. But guess what ISTJs, with how dutiful and self-sacrificing they are typically in a lot of situations, and can be self-sacrificing. Not always the case. They can actually be pretty selfish, but some of them out there that really understand their duty, understand they have a sense of honor. They would be willing to take a bullet for their woman. And at that point I’d be like, “Okay, yeah. “If you’re willing to take a bullet for your woman, “definitely have sex with her whenever you want.” But it’s not a here nor there, but let’s, let’s go in a little bit deeper here. So I tell the typical ISTJ, okay, hey, go to, you know, just go to the bar, play your darts, and eventually one of these STP or NFJ women will just come up to you. And maybe they’ll ask you, “Hey, what are you doing?” You know, that’s a great pickup line. “Hey, what are you doing?” To an Si user, that’s a great pickup line. If you’re an Ni user, ask an Si user, “Hey, what are you doing?” It’s pretty awesome, you know, when they do that. And then it just goes on from there. And you could tell her all about darts or the fact that he became a gun owner recently, or he’s getting a new job or, or work’s going good. Who knows? They just want to tell, they just want to be told stories. They like stories. Si users tell stories really well, and Se users want to hear them, essentially. So, and it gives them an opportunity to talk about that. And you know, it, it’s just, it’s just basic chemistry. It just goes from there. But the thing is though, if an ISTJ is not positioned for greatness, if they’re not out there and available, they’re not going to have, they’re not going to give any woman the opportunity to initiate with them. And it’s the same kind of advice I give an INTP as well. If you’re not out there, then that’s just not going to go anywhere and it’s not gonna work out. So, because remember, it’s your job to be initiatable. You have to be able to be initiated with by women. That’s just how it works. This whole idea that men always need to initiate with women, that only works for 50% of the population, even then it only works 25% of the time, because oftentimes you have an Si user initiating stupidly with another Si user, which then it just blows up in your face afterwards, because two Si users is like having two canvases in the bedroom and it’s like, okay, well there’s no painter. You know, it’s like, everyone is just trying to be on the bottom for some reason. And there’s no one who can be on top in the bedroom. You think that’s going to go anywhere? No, it’s not. So the point is, it gets a little bit more complicated in quarantine. It gets pretty complicated in quarantine. So I was actually having a conversation with my wife about this recently and Railgun tells me, “Oh yeah, you know, I just, I just told my brother “how he can get a date in quarantine. “I told him, just go get a book that he likes to read “and then go to like a Walmart or a Target “or a lawn and garden section and sit “in one of the comfortable lawn chairs, “reading a book, and just sit there.” And who knows some STP NFJ woman will walk in there and be like, “Hey, what are you doing?” Or, “Hey, what are you reading?” And there you go. I mean, he’s just making himself comfortable. And that’s what ISTJs do. They just make themselves comfortable. And they can make themselves comfortable basically just about anywhere. So, boom, he’s, he’s comfortable. He’s reading a book and then he’s, he’s basically fishing, giving any STP NFJ woman an opportunity to say hi to him and to initiate with him at that moment, right? And then it’s just, and then it just goes from there, essentially. But if they’re the one, if they initiate with an ISTJ, the ISTJ doesn’t have to be afraid about, “Oh, I don’t know if I’m wanted enough.” Because they have extroverted intuition inferior, which makes them afraid of not being desirable enough for others, especially women. All ISTJ men have this problem. But guys, you don’t have to worry about that. Ni parent exists. Ni child exists. And these Ni functions don’t care if you’re scared about whether or not you’re desirable or not, because to them, you are desirable and they want you, and they’re going to initiate with you, whether you like it or not. So just get over yourself, stop being so afraid. It doesn’t benefit anyone. And you know, like if you’re just gonna be afraid like that, then them accusing you of being a pussy would actually be accurate. How about instead, you just ignore your fear and go put yourself out there anyway, because there’s always somebody, sometime, always. There’s like, it’s unlimited possibilities. So get out of your freaking comfort zone and go. If bars are open, go and sit at the bar, at the front of the bar, by yourself. Be productive while you’re at the bar. Don’t be a fool while you’re at the bar. Be productive while you’re at the bar. And that could be playing darts, that could be getting your pool skills going up, but just don’t be, don’t be an ass. You know what I’m saying? Like it’s pretty, it’s pretty obvious. Or if you have work to do, or you need to read a book, bring your tablet or your phone or a note pad or something and do some work while you’re there. Maybe order some food, have a drink, whatever, be serene, right? And eventually, because you’re alone, and you’re the most interesting man in the bar because all the other men are being fools, and you’re the one being wise and responsible, that makes you stick out like a sore thumb. It makes me more desirable than the rest. So obviously those Ni/Se women, those STPs, and those NFJs are gonna come up to you and introduce themselves to you, obviously. And then, hey, at the end of the conversation, you have the opportunity to ask them, “Hey, do you want to give me your number?” And then you number close them. It’s like, not that hard guys. Like, this is basic. But in quarantine, you gotta go to where the women are in quarantine. They’re in Walmart, they’re in Target. They’re in T.J. Maxx, interestingly enough, as my wife pointed out to me recently. But just go find a nice comfy place to sit down and read or listen to something or just be productive. And you’re just sitting there trying to see, you know, and see if you can end up getting attention. And a pragmatic STP is not going to care about how odd it is that you’re just sitting there. And then it’s like, “Wait a minute. “It is odd that he’s just sitting there. “I’m just gonna ask him what’s going on “because this is different, you know? “Well, what is he reading, and why is he here?” And then he could easily, and then the ISTJ could be like, “Well, I got really bored at home “and this is more interesting. “And I like this chair, so I decided to “sit down in this chair and read a book.” And it just shows you as an ISTJ, even though you’re affiliative, you got the guts to take some risks, which is very attractive to these women. So like, why wouldn’t you do that anyway? So anyway, this is just one example, but you guys could utilize this example in different forms and come up with a strategy, or way of doing things, or a system that you could follow when you’re going fishing for women. But the bottom line is, unless you’re willing to position yourself for greatness, you’re not gonna get anywhere with any of these women whatsoever. You have to make yourself available in order to be wanted. You have to make yourselves wantable. You have to make yourselves initiatable so that others can initiate with you. That’s literally how it works. Okay? Because I’m telling you the best pickup line out there for STPs and NFJs to use is, “Hey, what are you doing?” Like it’s, it’s the greatest thing in the world, especially when you have extroverted intuition inferior, and you’re afraid of whether or not you’re desirable enough, when the reality situation is when you aspire to extroverted intuition inferior, you end up becoming the most desirable out of everybody. This is very typical for ISTJs and ISFJs. Why wouldn’t you do this? And the fact that you were, that you are going out of your way to not initiate with women and waiting for women to initiate with you, that means you will have great sexual compatibility, great sexual chemistry just right off the bat. So why wouldn’t you do that? So anyway, if you’d like a chance of your question being answered on this channel, please post it on Core and tag me or leave it as a comment below. If you want a guaranteed answer for your question, become a silver member at csjoseph.life/members and post your question on our private Q and A Discord channel, where I’m answering all your questions during a private livestream each month. I believe the second Thursday of each month is our Q and A night. Please also make sure to Like and subscribe to support the channel and leave a comment below if you have any questions about ISTJs. Anyway, folks, all that being said, I’ll see you guys tonight.