Do ESFJs need to be around Fi users to have an identity? | CS Joseph Responds
00:02 Welcome to the CS Joseph podcast. I’m your host CS Joseph and today we are answering acolyte member questions as part of CS Joseph response. Basically, what that means is is that every month if you are in acolyte member, which is at CS joseph.ly forward slash members are CS Joseph dot life forward slash portal, which you can get access to that, from either of those places, you must first be a journeyman though before you can become an Acolyte. an acolyte is basically an upgrade to journeyman.
So you have to get both, as it were, but you get individual videos from me per month based on questions that you send in from the acolyte members area, you just log in put in your question, and I do a video response. Sometimes the video responses are really private, and I will just give it to just you or I will release them on YouTube, etc. So be aware of that. Most of the times not private, just depends on the nature of the question or depends on if like their coaching client, etcetera, or if it’s specific to a difference sensitive situation.
I tried to be wise to that end. So anyway, enough of that, by the way for to be an acolyte member, which includes journeyman that’s 100 bucks a month. So with that being said, we have a acolyte question submission here, and I shall begin. Hello, Chase.
I’m an ESF J. and I just finished watching your parenting video for my type. How to parent ESF J’s is available in the members area to journeyman members. I can relate to all of it.
And a lot of these issues I was aware of in myself growing up along with other things. It caused me to isolate and really work that ti inferior to death. I always wanted to change myself and was frustrated that I was a people pleaser, highly agreeable, felt and competent, and had no personal identity. Which means I would just basically copy someone else.
Which leads me to my first question. I honestly have so many more. Well, good thing. You’re an acolyte member to keep those questions coming every month.
Does my identity come from being around other ePHI users? If I’m leading with Fe for the rest of my life, does that mean I need an FY user to copy after or adjust for? Or does my shadow FY come in? I feel I don’t have a fixed identity, which I’ve also heard you say comes from our fathers. That’s a nurdles perspective, though, not a natural one. But basically, I feel codependent on someone else’s identity along with getting fulfillment emotionally from them. Which Welcome to being an ESF J.
That’s how it’s supposed to be. ESF J’s need external validation from other people, especially if fi users, you have to see Extroverted Feelers as these emotion vampires that absorb the emotions or absorb the values, absorb the principles absorb the standards from other people around them so that they can behave ethically, and all ethic all ethics really is is that you’re behaving in such a way where you’re following other people’s standards, and kind of sucks to be an ESF J man because being an ESF J man means you’re way more feminine than other men, you have a hard time making yourself a mental point of origin. Very few people respect you, et cetera, over time, and it’s because you end up being a follower, you know, FJ types, especially including actually, not especially but including FJ men have this problem where they allow social norms to determine their thinking or the values of other people to determine their own thinking. Because from their point of view, they especially when they’re young, it’s like, well, how can it be true if other people don’t accept it as true to begin with? And that’s, that’s a huge, huge problem.
Because how could the truth not be unacceptable? Well, the reality of the situation is, is that the truth is unacceptable. People would rather live a lie than live a truth. And that’s exactly what the problem is. And then for example, women, when they look at these ESF J men, they have this, they’re just not attracted to them because they see them being followers instead of you know, being leaders etc, leaders in their own life.
And ESF J man, for example, would have to make themselves their own mental point of origin, which means they’d have to put tribe above self which means they have to put their comfort over everybody else. They have to put what they think over everybody else. However, with ti inferior, that comes with a huge risk because when they put what their own thinking over everybody else, it can inhibit their ability to listen and listening is what ti inferior needs to learn the most in order to become the best version of themselves. So, in this particular case, due to the modern dating, environment and sexual marketplace, this person has come completely and utterly screwed over, you know, just on by basis of being an ES FJ man.
And when it comes to like being around other si users, it’s not necessarily that it’s your identity because identity does not necessarily come from Introverted feeling. It’s more of a person’s humanity. So an FE users humanity or behaving human in quotes, whatever subjective title that means, basically. But most people generally understand what I’m saying, you in order to be human, you have to be around other people who are human, other ePHI users that behave in a human way, so that you know yourself how to behave.
But the problem is, is that you’re orbiting others in the process. And SFJ men are FJ men in general, especially SFJ men really, really suffer in this area, especially in terms of masculinity and sexuality. And the thing is, though, is that that can cause like a gross over reaction, a gross overreaction in that way, like, for example, I know an ESF J, who was a director of a major food company. And then he left that food company to follow some of his colleagues who became C suite members of another company and other food company.
In Seattle, for example, he went to this food company, he became director over at this at this organization. And he’s he’s one of those people who would utilize you know, his position and his power in order to get sexual favors from women on his team, for example. And these it’s so interesting to watch, you know, the SE critic of these men basically taking revenge out on society and revenge out on women basically, as as an example. Because they would, you know, it’s like, Hey, you want to you want to move up within this organization, then you’re gonna have to give you some sexual favors, you know, to kind of earn your place.
And where does that come from? It comes like I kind of talked about this a little bit and hypocrisy is have an ES TJ episode, which is se critic, because ESJ is have this problem where they will stop other people from growing within an organization stop other people from growing and getting but potentially greater than them because one, they don’t want to be replaced. They don’t want to find themselves unwanted etcetera. But as a result, as a result of that behavior, it’s because they don’t want to get out of their comfort zone, they don’t want to grow themselves, because if they see people beneath them in stature or position of authority, etc, are growing, they have to grow themselves. So they want to stunt the growth of people beneath them, so they don’t have to grow as much which ultimately harms the organization they’re in.
And it’s a huge point of hypocrisy for ES js, especially ESD J’s, the ESF J’s, leverage the social situation. And you know, if they’re really putting their own, you know, conference creature conference over everyone else, especially men in the workplace, for example, sometimes they often leverage their position for sexual favors. And this is extremely common amongst ESF J men in the workplace. A lot of people are not aware of this about this particular type, but it is very common.
And but yeah, does my identity come from around being other si users? The short answer is no, it really doesn’t. What comes from being around other ePHI users is essentially your humanity or you being human. So if you were that man, and you were surrounded by insanely moral people who had a bunch of moral standards, etc, he would perhaps not be so inclined to extra, you know, to exchange his authority and positions within the company for sexual favors, and instead, actually, you know, behave more human. Which, if you think about it, it’s like, it’s kind of like, you know, ESF J’s super ego, from an E and TJ.
It treats everyone like cattle. Well, how that’s different from an ESFJ ego man who is leveraging his position and his authority to get sexual favors from the women who are beneath him at the company that he works for? How is that any different? You know, and that doesn’t sound very human to me, right? So ESFJ needs to be around very human people. Very real FIU is for people who have high moral standards, that they exhibit themselves and know what they value, you know, what they feel, know what their principles are, know their own standards to live by. 09:23 So that that ESF J person can absorb all of that moral behavior within themselves and then behave ethically because they’re not really going to behave morally.
The reason why is because they’re constantly worried about their self worth. And they’re constantly seeking other people’s acceptance with the highest level of acceptance as other people listening to them, because of other people listen to them when they are walking around afraid of being stupid, because that’s what ESF J’s do that and that’s the highest level of validation that they can get. And this is why is J’s often have the problem of I expect everyone else to listen to me, but I refuse to listen to anybody else. And that can be a huge issue for ESF Jays.
If you guys want to watch the ESF J hypocrisy lecture, that’ll be available next month. For two journeyman members, you can become a member at CS joseph.ly forward slash members. To get on that, we have the second half of season 14 available in the premium lecture section we have how to parent to 16 types, we have how to master each of the demon functions. And now we’re working on hypocrisy, the hypocrisy of the 16 types, hugely beneficial content to everyone in their daily lives.
I think the next series we’re gonna be doing after hypocrisy is we’re going to be working on we’re going to be working on something relationship related and sexuality related, I believe, but had to get through these hypocrisy now that piracy episodes. The reason we’re not doing them for people to get over their own hypocrisy is we’re actually doing them so other people can learn your hypocrisy is and hold you accountable and, you know, call you to the floor when you’re being a hypocrite. That’s actually why we’re doing. It’s not so that you can watch the video for yourself and know your own issues.
Although you can do that, it’s actually so you can watch everyone else’s videos, so you can understand everyone else’s issues. So you can call them out. And it may even help you type them a little bit better as well. So keep that in mind.
So if I’m leading with Fe for the rest of my life, because you will exist as your hero does that mean I need an FY user to copy afterward just for not necessarily. I mean, even some FYI, users can be corrupt to see you want to make sure that you are around really good fit users. If you’re not sure. If they’re really good.
Ask about what other people value about that particular person so you can qualify them better qualify them to be in your life, basically. And that should that should assist you. Where does my shadow fit come in? Well, that’s a good question. But honestly, it’s going to take a lifetime potentially for you to develop your Introverted Feeling, Nemesis, and if you don’t have the Discover ESFJ video section of the members area at CS joseph.ly forward slash portal, I recommend getting a so you can watch the season 19 episode.
So you can learn how to develop the gateway function for Introverted Feeling nemesis, and then also combine that with the how to master your demon. T. Basically, if you can watch that, and combine the solutions presented in those two lectures of mine, you’ll be able to get the answer to that question. So you can develop your shadow FYI, and not necessarily rely so much on external acceptance for your own self worth.
But you will you as a man, were making yourself your own mental point of origin, you’re putting self above tribe, you come to the realization that you do not need anyone’s external validation you yourself are valuable on your own regardless of anything external whatsoever, right. And it’s a huge, huge internal battle and huge internal struggle for an ESFJ man, probably potentially out of all the types other than maybe the INFJ man to actually come to those conclusions and come to that proper, masculine thinking. It usually helps if you’re suffering in life, and literally nobody in your life will help you society, parents, community church, nobody had nobody wants you. And then no one is going to listen to you and you have to completely 100% rely on just yourself in order to survive.
If you can get to that mental point, it becomes a lot easier for you to abandoned the quest of seeking external validation for your own emotional identity as it were, but it’s not it’s not to say that identity comes from being around ePHI users it really really doesn’t it really comes from within and also knowing your past and your history as a result. That’s that’s where it comes from. And then and then being able to derive your personal purpose from that as a result. So anyway, folks, if you found this little video this little episode helpful, enlightening, etc.
Please leave a comment below and I will definitely get your questions. I read all the comments and sometimes answer questions, and subscribe to the freaking channel already. Like seriously, subscribe, please, that would be nice. Subscribe to the channel and also leave a like while you’re at it.
And in folks, thanks for watching, and I’ll see you guys tonight.