INFJ Guilt, Coping, and Gaslighting Recovery | CS Joseph Responds
CS Joseph responds to the Acolyte member question how can an INFJ cope with the guilt form repeated gaslighting.
Welcome to the CS Joseph podcast. I’m your host CS Joseph. Today’s question, How can an INFJ cope with guilt after being gaslighted? by so many abusers? What a great question like this is one of the best questions ever. Thank you for asking this question.
You know, it’s so interesting because we’ve been talking in season 17, part two, about how the Cuadras have been really abusive to other people. We’ve talked about Crusader abuse and how they can be very neglectful and ultimately negligent of people in their lives. We’ve talked about Templar abuse, and how they can basically create failure buckets and other people totems of failure, and then abandon those people entirely, without actually working hard to fix their mistakes or being willing to put in the work because they just look at those people, they’re just reminded of all their failures over time. A very, very serious problem, and a serious charge if you think about it.
And then also, we’ve talked about Wayfarer abuse Wayfarer abuse, which is basically like they take without giving they they have this pirate mentality of take what you can and give nothing back basically. Not too can be a serious problem. We have yet to actually discuss the philosopher abuse, which I’m not going to talk about here. But that episode is coming out, I might even actually film it today.
So season, season 17. Part two, we’re going into those lectures, and they are released here on YouTube and on the podcast. So make sure you guys are checking that out. Whenever you have an opportunity, I highly recommend it.
And it’s also very relevant to this particular episode that I’m talking about right now. We’re making that content within season 17 freely available. Anything related to season 17 will always be made freely available here on the podcast and on YouTube. Unless it gets super mega specialized, and we’ll probably put it behind the paywall.
But we got years and years of content behind the paywall, and we’re adding that content all the time. Dang is starting to rain, I might have to change my position mid filming to that’ll be interesting. So that ends up happening ends up happening a lot. So I might actually have to move because the brain so anyway.
But what happens when an INFJ is on the receiving end of abuse because INFJs are insanely easily gaslit by other people. And the reason why is is because of their extroverted thinking trickster, extroverted thinking trickster means that everyone’s opinion is valuable, right. So they end up listening to everyone’s opinion and especially everyone’s opinions about them. And they’re already hard on themselves as it is because of FYI critic that leads to some serious self deprecating behavior because from their perspective, they’re extremely critical of their own self worth.
They don’t exactly know their own value, it leads to extreme self deprecation, which means that they are also very easily and coupled with performance anxiety from extroverted sensing inferior, they are very easily gaslit and to basically believing just about anything to the point where inf j’s and in some cases ESTPs but especially inf J’s they basically like they can be easily mind controlled, like very easily mind controlled especially by philosopher types in their life, especially philosopher types that have extroverted thinking optimistic, which are es TJ is and ENFPs. Okay, these types especially. Now a lot of people don’t really see how the INFP could do this to them, because the art but however, the INFP is absolutely masterful in controlling narrative narrative is everything to an INFP and they can always see things coming before they do. So they can always keep the narrative going.
They can always keep up their lies, they can always keep up the deception over time. They always remember everything that they’ve ever said to other people so they could just keep going and going and going and going. And oftentimes they feel entitled to gaslighting inf J’s, right? So what is gaslighting? gaslighting is basically, when you keep pushing a narrative, you know, like a criticism of some kind onto an INFJ. And it’s so consistent, and it’s so regular that the INFJ just actually starts believing that those criticisms about their character are actually true.
And what this does is it’s a form of abuse that actually changes the INFJs neural pathways basically, and especially if they’re trying to end up ut UF it’s because their neural pathways have basically adjusted their brain has adapted to the fact that they’re being gaslighted over and over and over again, because it gets to the point where they’re like, Wow, these people keep saying the same thing over and over again or this person that I really care about this person that I’m connected to, even though they’re not really connected to you, they’re attached to them. Okay? Attachment is a big problem, especially for ni hero. So what attachment is, is like, it’s like a faux connection, you know, because INFJs care about connection more than anything in the world connection is everything to them connection or intimacy, being really close and really having bonds with other people. And this is a huge problem.
And we examine this at length in ego, hacking your fear, go to ego, hacking your fear.com This course is on pre order right now, I highly recommend you check this out as soon as possible, it’s 97 bucks for the preorder price, then it’s going to jump up to 150 bucks after about two weeks. So you guys gotta get in on this right now if you’re going to have an opportunity to get in on the course. But we actually examine the difference between attachment versus bonds, and how these attachments can actually expose an INFJ. Because it’s a huge weakness of the INFJ it can expose the INFJ to abusers, not only that it can also cause the INFJ to enable abusers in their life.
It’s extremely sad. It’s it’s, it’s ridiculous, right? Then the INFJ basically is surrendering their minds to the wrong people, such that the INFJ basically ends up believing that abusive gaslighting behavior is actually a form of mind control, and they are being mind controlled by their own abusers, basically, in their life. You guys really sad, this actually happened. This actually happened to my INFJ mentor, the man who completed my training of union analytical psychology, his name’s Robert.
And his father, who was my ESTP mentor, would just gaslight, his son constantly, the abuse got so bad that one day, you know, his son realized just how bad the abuse was. And then he just disappeared, he just had disappeared, he had to completely cut off that relationship for the sake of his own survival. You know, I do have a lot of problems with my INFJ mentor, don’t get me wrong. But the thing is, is that at the end of the day, my INFJ mentor, he’s still a victim, he’s absolutely a victim of abuse.
He’s an he’s a victim of his own father’s abuse. Even as in as much as like, even I have been a victim of his father’s abuse to a point, I still love them both. So care about them both greatly, you know, maybe that’s EMTP Stockholm Syndrome, I don’t know. But the reality of the situation is, is that he, his father, absolutely messed him up and would constantly tell him about how his performance is crap, is the biggest criticism his father ever told him is that you are novel, you are actually worthless, you are actually useless, which is the worst thing that you could actually tell an INFJ that they are novel that they that that not only do they not matter, but they’re so novel that nothing that they do could actually gain them favor in their life.
And then after a bit, my INFJ mentor actually started believing this and then he got really, really depressed. And it’s the reason why he is a UD U F, aka gram unconscious, developed unconscious focus, where he had to run to a super ego, sacrifice his ti child to his super ego, which is like this internal demonic sacrifice ritual mental ritual inside of your head, that you give you give the gave your TI child over to your ISTJ demon, basically, in exchange for its power, just as a survival mechanism. It’s just a coping mechanism to deal with all the abuse in his life. And I feel bad for him, he, I feel really bad for my INFJ mentor.
So really, you know, as much as he tries it, he keeps trying to improve his character and he keeps trying to, you know, be a better man, even though he’s got a lot of crap. He’s got a lot of hangups, he’s got a lot of issues. Still love him though. And it’s a really, really big deal.
A very, very big deal. So, with that being said, how do you how do you deal with a situation? Well, you deal with it by getting away from the source of the gaslighting, like my INFJ mentor did that’s really the only thing that you could do to cope with being gaslighted so the first thing is, is that when you need to go to other people and start collecting other people’s opinions about what you’re being told by others, basically, this is all about verifying you can trust what people say, but always about you but always verify what they say by going to other people and using your ni hero to actually ask the NI function is the asking function as much as the SI function is the sharing function that’s why INFJs light up like a Christmas tree whenever you share something with them. They love to be sharing with because sharing to them tells them that they’re connected to you it tells them that you are bonded with you but oftentimes the people abusing them know that about them so they’ll gaslight them gaslight them abuse them abuse them and then share it with them every now and then just to keep them around basically to keep that their victim around to keep victimizing them consistently. So what the INFJ has to do is go to other people and GATT and and basically ask and verify the narrative that’s being told to them and collect multiple sources of information use their te trickster to go te mastery and collect multiple sources about the narrative that’s being sent to them by basically anyone their life, so they can see and determine whether or not that person is actually abusing them to begin with, right? We go really, really deep on this in ego hacking your fear in the INFJ section of ego hacking your fear, seriously, get the course right.
Please, no ego, I can interfere. It’s all about personal growth. It’s all about development, we’re teaching you how to ego hack yourself, basically, to have a better life, we were talking about how to ego hack other people, this is the first time that we’re really talking about how to ego hack yourself using cognitive circuits, Congress circuits like the gateway circuit, as well as the as well as the guidance circuit basically. So as a result of having all that information, you’ll be able to free yourself from the abuse in your life.
Because that way, you’re not being basically mentally mind controlled, or being forced, and you can actually protect your mind as a result of this, which then makes you far more useful, far more valuable as a person. That way, you’re not just adopting what just any Joe Schmo on the street says about you, and then Thus, you lose confidence. This is, after all, why the INFJ archetype is the archetype that is most at risk of suicide, other than ISTPs. And it’s really sad, my former INFJ best friend, he killed himself.
And I carried him to his grave, and I buried him. It’s really sad. We used to play online games all the time together. And it just was really, really sad story.
Next time, I’m actually out in Everett, Washington, I’m going to be going to visit his grave, leave some flowers there. I miss him. I miss him greatly. And sometimes, I feel responsible for his death.
Because there’s a lot of times that, you know, I didn’t talk to him a few years, and I should have and I regret not doing that. And maybe he’d still be alive today if I was a better friend. But obviously, I can’t blame him, blame myself. That’s his decision, ultimately.
But I know that I could have done more, right? That’s the thing about him. I could have been there for him, maybe I could have protected him, maybe even from himself, maybe I could have been that person to verify the narratives that were like that was in his head. Basically, when that went down. Maybe I could have been that person he could have asked about all these opinions that these people had, or maybe opinions that he starts imagining about himself, because that’s how gaslighting how bad gaslighting can be to an INFJ.
Because they’ll start to gaslight themselves after they have been gassed by people. So step one, make sure you’re going to other people and verifying ask other people their opinion about things that you’re being told by other people to identify the abusers in your life. And once you identify an abuser, cut them out. Remember, we talked about this in season seven, I think it’s Episode 13, which is the virtue advice of the INFJ, where you have to get the losers out of your life.
Well, really, it’s also get the abusers out of your life. And this is how you do it. Okay? Because when you are around abusive people, you as the INFJ will become abusive yourself. And that is exactly what happened to my INFJ mentor, he became very abusive, like his father before him.
And he’s still trying to recover from that to this day, decades later, still trying to recover for what his father did, I’m still trying to recover to what his father did. Don’t give up, don’t give up on myself. I don’t give up on him, you and I, him and I should probably not really have a relationship. But you know, he has my contact information we talk every now and then.
And, you know, in doing so, like, you know, in terms of where we’ve taken the science, he’s gone in a psychiatric approach, I’ve gone in this approach entirely. And just further developed and further pioneered the science while he’s kind of just tried to do his best to you know, help people from a psychiatric point of view and whatnot, but it was his dream to actually become a therapist. I hope he actually moves forward with that dream in the near future. So yeah.
Locals are hilarious. So yeah, and it’s raining I gotta get I gotta get my camera out of the rain. So but yeah, that’s the reality of situation. That’s how you cope with being gaslighted go to other people ask their opinions, identify the abusers and cut the abusers out of your life and you will free yourself from the bullshit you will free yourself from the mind control.
And if you want to learn more about that, get the ego hacking your fear course when you buy ego hacking your fear, you get the pre cool season season 19 cognitive development and personal growth. Watch the INFJ episode learn about cognitive gateways. So You are ready for the release of illegal hacking your fear in a couple of weeks time. So anyway folks, thanks for watching and listening and I’ll see you guys in the next episode.