CS Joseph Responds
Welcome to CS Joseph responds. I’m your host Shea’s here to answer your questions on any topic union analytical psychology, or the four sides of the mind also known as for size dynamics. Today’s question and it comes from Quora is Can an ENFJ or ESFJ be married to an INTJ? Excellent question. But other people have answer those questions.
So let’s examine their answers showing. So we have the first actually going to do these from like the bottom now because the they’re actually older questions. So William Smith answered this question on January 1 2018. He claims he’s an INTJ, a longtime student of young and psychological type.
Okay. He says, Sir, he says, certainly, the most difficult hurdle hurdle will be for each understand the way in which the other makes decisions. A ti type makes decisions based on abstract logic. No, that’s not true.
And F type on a set of values, okay, yeah, but which set of values there’s two sets of values, which are often imbued with strong emotional ties, obviously, but again, which set of values one, once each understands the other things will go smoother? No, not necessarily. But I understand your point. Fair enough. I’m a te type, and my partner is an F type.
So I understand this. Well, no, you don’t understand anything, because you’re relying on the MBTI and letter dichotomies, and they’re complete and utter bogus. Because you’re even talking about it proves to me that regardless of you being a longtime student of young and psychological type, that you actually don’t know what you’re talking about, and probably shouldn’t be answering this question on Quora whatsoever. I hope I don’t see you anywhere else on Quora as we continue to do this.
The second, which is a bit easier, is the detail orientation of an S type versus the big picture orientation of an n type. This is typical MBTI spill that, again, doesn’t actually mean anything. And finally, with two J types, coming at decisions from very different bases, vigorous debate is inevitable, out there’s more and can’t be acrimonious without mutual understanding. Okay, again, not true.
And I don’t know. I mean, it’s, it’s people like this, it starts to make you think from a Socionics duality standpoint, that like an ISFJ, or he’s an INTJ. He claims isn’t the INTJ, whatever. I mean, he probably is, since he’s relying on the MBTI letter dichotomies, but who knows, he’s probably I mean, you could probably make an argument that he should be with an ISFP relationship, which would actually be like the absolute worst pairing for him whatsoever, because it’s like your polar opposite.
And why would you do that to yourself? But apparently, you know, the way that he’s arguing his point, and 474 people viewed this i I pity the fool. I don’t think this is remotely useful whatsoever. So no, thank you, Mr. William Smith, your question is wrong and inaccurate and no, thank you.
But then we get to a different answer from Anna Butler, who claims to be an INTJ. And her only credential here is the INTJ. So I guess that automatically means you know, we have to listen to her because she’s part of the obvious INTJ master race. Right.
You know what I’m saying? And she goes, quote, of course they can. I rather suspect you’re wondering if they should. Okay, good. All right.
This this answer has promised. My husband is an ESF J. Of course he is. For some reason, I seem to be drawn to them.
Okay. Yeah. Hashtag No shit, Sherlock because like, the reason why you’re so drawn to an ESFJ is because they’re your bronze pair. And statistically speaking, a bronze pair is the technically the most common and the most successful marriage between all the types bronze pairs.
Okay? So that’s INTJ ESFJ, right. That’s INFJ ESTJ. Okay, that’s ENFJ ISTJ ENTJ ISFJ types relationships, you know, I’m saying ENFP ISTP, right? Okay, those are bronze pair relationships. They follow that same pattern.
We’ve been together for almost 15 years and married for almost seven. Okay. Yeah, that makes sense. So far, our relationship is still going strong, but like any relationship, it takes work true.
He appreciates that. I’m not one of those constantly moody, temperamental woman who uses emotional blackmail to get what she wants, which actually can’t happen from an INTJ but that’s that’s fair. Although emotional blackmail is kind of more of a philosophy thing. So a philosopher types are st.
J’s and NFP so be aware. I don’t sulk or pout, if you can’t read my mind knew what I want. You’re just saying that you’re direct. Okay.
Yes, you’re an INTJ that she sounds like an INTJ for sure. And she’s been direct, which is great. But her husband’s obviously informed. Also, he’s more at the one who’s more likely to use the most She blackmailed.
And actually she is, which is hilarious to me. Oh, wait, she says in the next sentence, I’m pretty direct and honest. So is he. Okay? Wait a minute.
Are you sure he’s an ESF J? i You sure because they’re not always I mean, they’re triple informative. So they’re not direct, and they’re pretty honest. But they’re not direct. She says we have ground rules for socializing, since he’s friends with just about everyone in the world.
Okay, that’s typical. Well, I’m not okay, typical. If he gives me enough notice, I make the effort most of the time. If notice is short, I’m allowed to bow out very fair and very healthy for this relationship.
He’s a really sporty outdoorsy, sort of more of an indoor pet. So we try to accommodate our differences. Thank you for being honest. We’re each free to follow our own interests.
But we also try to find things to enjoy together. Sure. In fact, we set up a list of activities to share. Once a month, we do something new as a couple.
And we get to choose five activities each year. It can’t be something the other person would be super uncomfortable doing like skydiving or poetry recitals. I don’t know why anyone would do poetry recitals in this relationship and okay, but the idea is to challenge each other and build new memories, experiences, it’s been really fun and keeps our relationship feeling fresh. Okay, fair enough.
Overall, we tend to balance each other out. He’s the yin to my Yang. Okay, you spelled that wrong. But I mean, who cares? He’s better at instigating communication, obviously.
Because ESF j’s are serotypes. So he pushes us to talk things out and work through them. His F also makes him quite open to compromise. Move forward.
Gross. Why are you talking about the letter dichotomies? That’s so gross. So we don’t butt heads as badly as I might with a fellow T. Okay.
This is disgusting. Stop, like, seriously stop. That said, he doesn’t let me walk all over him. Which as much as it may frustrate me at the time, I really appreciate Yeah, because most women do that women have this problem, where they like to self sabotage their relationships, and just be like, Oh, to my man, I want you to worship Me, and give me all of your attention and all of your resources and give me all of yourself to me.
And then the man buys into that bullshit and then actually starts worshipping his woman. And then all of a sudden, she starts losing respect for him because he’s worshiping her, instead of like taking care of himself and taking responsibility to meet his own needs, and focusing on his own work and his own career and his own job and his own purpose in life. Because apparently, he’s made her his purpose, which just causes her to lose respect for him. And then they end up selves and then their relationship falls apart when she was the one who instigated that to begin with.
Yeah, women by the way, don’t do that to your husbands or you’re going to break up your own marriage and it’s can be your own damn fault. And if you start accusing him of wanting not wanting to be with you anymore, well actually it’s technically on you to begin with you guys. You should like honestly figure it out and men if you actually like fall into that trap, you’re idiots and probably don’t deserve being in relationship with the woman to begin with. You might want to figure that out to where we tend to frustrate each other Okay, fair enough.
The fact that we’re both Chase also helps for both planners are good at developing contingency plans they’re seldom last minute changes which is a godsend. Okay. I’ll give you that even though you’re talking about Jays which is dumb, but same time I can’t. You’re technically right.
So fair enough. Where we stand to frustrate each other. I know I can be stubborn, especially when I’m convinced I’m right. Yeah, you can be convinced with your your te beliefs.
But that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s true. He can be moody and overly sensitive, says the INTJ. Are you kidding me? You have an fi child? You’re one of those moody vulva types. What are you even talking about? He can be quite pessimistic beside being having a happy go lucky kind of guy.
I mean, pot calling the kettle black. You’re an INTJ. Right? You’re supposed to be pessimistic with Te parent. Are you admitting that you’re irresponsible? Your te parent is underdeveloped.
Is that what you’re doing here? I wonder? Well, I look for silver linings. He’s convinced they’re led and will poison us. Okay, let me translate what that means. ESF J’s, they’re very concrete.
And they’re very focused on like their own experience, and they get very scared of new things and unfamiliar territory. Now, the reason why you’re saying it is incorrect, but why it’s happening. That’s why so I’ll give you that. I’m very particular about how I like things done.
AKA control. Frank. Yeah. Okay.
Well, can I NT J’s, he gets frustrated when I think out loud and mistakes, my thoughts for decisions. But you said no, I was just testing ideas that live nothing was set in stone. Oh, that’s hilarious. an INTJ actually admitting that.
You know what, they only admit that when it suits them. He gets I get frustrated when he constantly repeats the same details of the story. Yeah, because ESF j’s are literally Captain Obvious or President obvious or admiral obvious or the most obvious person that exists because they have to experience everything themselves, which means they have to say it and recite everything you say in order for them to experience it themselves. I get frustrated when you constantly preach the same details of a story.
You know, Okay, fair enough. At the end of the day, it’s all about communication and mutual compromise. Yes. Which is it’s about caving in or denying your own needs, well said, but finding ways to a solution you can both live with great.
I love that I don’t have an echo chamber and my husband. Yes. But are you too lazy to do your own research? I wonder? Because if you’re doing that he may not have an echo chamber in his head. It’s usually because he’s too scared of about him knowing the wrong thing to begin with, because he’s ti inferior.
But are you actually being responsible and doing the proper research yourself to make sure he has the proper input for proper decision making? Because if you’re not, you’re just as guilty. So of being ignorant, so don’t like do that careful that I have a really kind, decent, honest, loving man who could challenge the way I think and approach the world that I have someone who allows me to grow as a person. Fantastic. And I hope I offer him the same things.
So do I. I stopped him from becoming too serious and rule bound. He keeps me from limiting my experiences by pushing me into new territory overall, we work together very well. Okay, thank you for your very long answer.
And a butler, I’m going to give this answer A B minus compared to other answers that I’ve seen before. So thank you for that. So Can an ENFJ or ESFJ be married to an INTJ? Well, the answer to that question is absolutely an ESF J can. In fact, it is probably statistically the most successful marriage.
And the most common marriage between four esfjs or INTJ is because it’s known as the bronze pair. And they’re constantly in relationships together. They have highest sexual compatibility, not high sexual, they have great sexual compatibility, great emotional compatibility, and they cover each other’s bases. But they don’t really read each other like a book so well that they feel completely exposed to one another.
So they can kind of hide certain things, or at least claim certain things or their domains within the context of this intimate relationship. But in all seriousness, that can also be an advantage. And then as a result, they’re able to develop their insecurities a lot better, they feel like they have a lot more room together as a couple, whereas they’re not so much room in other relationships. Regardless, statistically, it’s an A plus relationship.
So I highly recommend esfjs Get with INTJ. Now, do I recommend ENFJ’s and INTJ’s? Hell no. While there is some emotional compatibility, it’s the same emotional compatibility that an ESFJ would have with an INTJ. There’s like zero sexual compatibility.
And it’s like, you know, yeah, I’m gonna rail you and the other person is like, Yeah, I’m gonna rail you, you know, I’m saying they’re both competing for like being on top and a sexual relationship, which is absolutely lame, and really, really boring. One person will always be unsatisfied, which eventually, actually, both people in the relationship would be sexually unsatisfied, and there’d be absolutely no chemistry whatsoever. It’s like having two painters and no canvases in the room. And the painter is trying to use the other painter as its as their Canvas.
And they’re both having brushes, and they’re both brushing each other constantly. And it’s just creating a huge mess. And there’s actually no sexual fulfillment in there whatsoever. Whereas in an SI user, which is like a canvas, and an SE user, which is like an INTJ, or any NFJ, which is why they shouldn’t be together, se users should be sexually with SI users, in order to have that nice, sexual Canvas oriented experience, which, okay, that’s pretty awesome.
So so the answer to this question is yes to ESFJ definitely should be married to an INTJ. Hell no to an ENFJ being married to an INTJ. And if you are and you act, and these are actually your guys’s types, I would actually recommend a divorce and potentially moving on from that relationship whatsoever, because it’s not going to be fulfilling whatsoever, and more likely to cause damage to each other and your children and potentially your extended family and church and anything else. And I think you probably should just be wise and not actually have that relationship to begin with.
And definitely don’t say yes, when presented with that ring, move on to somebody else to be presented with a ring from someone better, hopefully an ESFJ if you are an INTJ. So, just keep that in mind guys, this compatibility is a serious issue. If you want to learn more about compatibility, you can look at you know my other shows my other channel, CS Joseph here on YouTube for that as well. So, if you’d like a chance that your question being answered on this channel, please post it on Quora and tag me or leave it as a comment below.
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I’ll see you guys tonight.