A Diplomatic ESTP? | CS Joseph Responds
A Diplomatic ESTP? CS Joseph responds to the Acolyte question how can an ESTP be more diplomatic.
Hey what’s up? EgoHackers. Welcome to the CS Joseph podcast. Tonight’s question is how can an ESTP be more diplomatic? What a great question. I’m so glad for the ESTP questions.
It’s nice to get more questions relating to sensors. So I’d like to thank the acolyte members for going out of the way to provide more sensing related questions because the censors are very underrepresented here on the YouTube channel and on the podcast within the ego hacker community. Luckily, everyone is for the most part, equally represented with our private content that we have behind the paywall at CS joseph.ly, forward slash members, there’s a lecture for everyone, anytime I talk about a certain subject, I make sure that it is presented from the perspective of all of the 16 types, not necessarily specific types. So everyone is fairly represented there.
So if you get concerned that you know, just because you see a lot of INTJ or INFJ, or ENT, TP, ENFP, or NP related content here on the YouTube channel or on the podcast, that’s not necessarily the experience that is behind the paywall. So if you want to become a member and binge around eight weeks worth of content, because it’s a years and years of content, it’ll take you about two months to get through it all if you’re actually constantly watching it every single day. Great CS joseph.ly forward slash members only $29 a month. And then you could also upgrade to acolytes from there.
And then by upgrading, you get to ask me one question a month, and you get to earn coaching credits to get coaching with me or a coach on our team, and which is great. And but yeah, and that question that you ask ends up becoming an episode like I’m doing right now on YouTube and on the podcast, so that everyone can learn together. So you might want to check that out. So anyway, back to the question.
How can ESTPs be more diplomatic and ESTP is having a very hard time being diplomatic, especially if you’re a SD SF type of ESTP, it can be very, very hard for them to be diplomatic. So what makes it difficult for ESTP to be diplomatic? Well, for one thing, they don’t know what they want, because of Ni inferior. So oftentimes they end up taking a lot of risks without actually knowing the consequences. And because their Extraverted Feeling child, they end up taking a ton of social risks.
And those social risks end up often backfire on them and then boom, they’re hit in the face with immediate blowback, aka consequences, consequences they, they were ignorant of to begin with, and oftentimes because of extra intuition, demon, they are willfully ignorant of those social consequences. So as a result, they end up coming off super alienating to most people. It’s one of the reasons why I recommend to ESTPs the most out of all the 16 types and en teepees the second most out of the 16 types to read the book, How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, I cannot stress it enough. And no ESTPs This book will not solve your problem overnight, you’re probably going to have to read it five or six times.
And I recommend the audio version and just listen to it over and over and over and over to the point where you can almost anticipate exactly what the narrator is saying in the book. Because this book contains the principles that you need to be diplomatic. ESTP is even though they have extorted feeling child, oftentimes, they really lack social skills. The reason why they lack social skills is because people just don’t want to be around them by default because of extrovert intuition demon, they naturally take away that choice from other people.
Like an example. That would be how they give gifts, you know, ESTPs don’t give gifts they give presents. And the difference between a present and a gift is that a present is something they choose to give somebody but a gift is an ESTP giving somebody something that that person already wants, but expert intuition demon doesn’t care about that. So ESTP is end up giving presents, and not actually gifts.
This is why es teepees are the worst at giving gifts. And this is just an example as to how an ESTP consistently fails at being diplomatic from time to time, right. I mean, huge problem, a huge problem for them. So it’s always important to be aware of this dynamic that’s happening to ESTPs.
Also ESTPs happened to be ti parent. And most ESTP is out there are underdeveloped with their ti parent, which can also be a huge problem. Because that’s one of the reasons why they get so Oh, there’s they get so alienating because when their ti parent is underdeveloped they end up cognitive looping their extroverted sensing hero who wants to give everyone a really good experience. And their extroverted feeling child is all about what other people value.
So they’re trying to give and share experiences, valuable experiences to other people. This is why the love language for ESTP says tick, typically, quality activities, not quality, time quality activities. And if an activity that’s happening is not quality, they just shut down. You know, that’s why ESTP is deep down are like extremely, extremely afraid of having sex with somebody and then that person complaining to the ESTP and telling the ESTP that they’re boring.
Yeah, you want to you want to you want to hurt and ESTP to the core, you just go right up to him and tell him how boring they are. And if you really want to hurt them even worse, go right up to him and tell them how boring they are in bed. Yeah, that’s how you really screw with them. Be careful with that you might get punched in the face.
Even if you’re right. So I mean, like, I’ve experienced that personally, you know, with my cousin Nick. So I’ve seen I’ve seen that actually happen, because he’s an ESTP. Yeah, that’s, that’s, that’s how you hurt them.
That’s how you hurt them at the core, you know, it’s like, it’s because they can’t connect to people unless they have quality activities. The problem is not everyone wants quality activities, or what the ESTP defines as a quality activity is not what other people define as a quality activity. So that can be a huge issue. A really good example of that is actually in the recent or in the newest season of Cobra Kai hashtag spoiler word.
So like, if you haven’t seen Cobra Kai in the new season, yet, you might want to like not listen to this. But here I go. There’s a scene in which Johnny Lawrence is with his son, Robbie, his son, Robbie is an ESTP Johnny Lawrence is an ES TJ, I keep going back and forth between es TJ or ISTJ. But he seems pretty wrathful.
So I’m leaning more towards ISTJ Railgun pointed that out to me recently, so I gotta give her the credit for that one. But they end up going down to Mexico to look for Miguel who is an INFJ. And Miguel is just trying to go find his real dad, his real biological father. And that biological father, you know, ends up finding him it’s just some en teach a douchebag who’s fixing fights to make money etc.
And he’s like, some Ecuadorian who’s like, hiding in Mexico, right? Well, they ended up going down to Mexico to try to find this INFJ. But then, like, you know, Robbie’s constantly talking about, hey, you know, I just, you know, let’s let’s go down to do this trip, I want to come back with some really good stories, because those stories are all about those quality activities. So shared experiences, because ESTPs can’t help but get nostalgic, right? So about their nostalgia. So that’s ultimately what’s and that’s ultimately what’s motivating them because they want to feel connected to people in their lives.
And as well as intimate with people in their life. They want that intimacy, they want the intimate connection with people. And having shared quality experiences, quality activities, means they end up are able to walk away with stories as a result. The problem is, is that they over value, those soils, they over value, those quality activities, those shared experiences with their typical love language, such that that can really alienate other people, it can really only have because the ESTP ends up forcing the issue, they end up forcing people out of their comfort zone, often while they’re trying to have that great story or that great experience, there’s only a few of the 16 types that can actually handle having that quality experience.
And, and based on that, that ends up causing a lot more problems than than solving when it comes to relationships. Not only that, we look at X rated feeling child X rated feeling child cares about people so much that the ESTP oftentimes has no choice but to open their mouth. And they end up being very blunt with people telling people the truth because they care. And it takes a lot of courage on the ESTP part to be willing to risk alienation and just tell someone just the straight up truth, the harsh truth, regardless of the consequences, and they can do that because they don’t care about consequences.
They just don’t care they’re not aware of consequences consequences don’t really matter to ESTPs that much right. So because of that, that ends up causing additional problems for that. And, and you know, it gets even harder for them because they’re part of the soul temple and the soul temple function, the perception function of the soul temple ultimately He serves as expert intuition, which is the function of, you know, to be desired. And ESTP is often have to learn with their expert intuition demon, the main lesson of their demon is ultimately, hey, the lesson of the demon is, you know, you need to learn how to become desirable, that’s all their demon really wants.
That is the pathway in which an ESTP is able to turn their demon function into an angelic function is literally by going out of the way to make themselves more desirable, because literally no one wants them, but it really hurts them that no one wants them because that means they’re not connected to very people, to very many people. So they crave connection, they crave intimacy, but no one wants to be connected to them. No one wants to be intimate with them. Because they’re just so alienating all the time.
Because they don’t care about other people’s freedom of choice. They don’t care what other people want. And their demon function is trying to teach them, hey, that’s actually how you get connectedness. That’s actually how you end up having unlimited freedom of choice with your ni inferior if you go out of your way to be desirable to other people.
If you give other people choices, you know, shared choices instead of making it all about your choice. And that’s the thing like I often see ESTP says, we’re walking around throwing temper tantrums about my choice, my choice, my choice, you’re taking my choice away, and then they end up becoming super Rayji. That’s a huge problem. Or sometimes, they just assume that their freedom is being taken away.
And then they end up blaming other people with their secondary deadly sin of wrath and taking it out on other people. Or sometimes they end up being afraid of failure, like an iron, like their INFJ subconscious is, especially in the bedroom, that they end up pre lashing out, even though no one has judged them for their failure yet, but they themselves know that they failed. So they pre lash out at people for judgments those people may or may not have, it’s kind of interesting, because these are this is a concrete type we’re talking about. But they’re very, they’re behaving in a very abstract way.
And that’s because the soul Temple is an abstract temple. It’s because deep down they want to be wanted. They just have a hard time admitting it, because to them, that’s voodoo. It’s not real.
It’s not real, shared experiences, and people’s actions are real. The problem is, is that while they crave good actions towards them, they really suck at giving good actions to other people, they really struggle with this Railgun would be one of the first people to admit it. As as one of her as one of her hangups right. Still ever though.
You know, the ESTP is, you know, they’re, they’re human beings like the rest of us, they have flaws like the rest of us. It’s just, are the people in our life that they’re trying to connect with? Are they strong enough to be able to handle to handle that failure to handle how hard they are on themselves? Because as they’re hard on themselves, they’re hard on everyone around them, because they’re so hard on themselves. And that’s ultimately the main reason as to why they alienate other people. So how do they solve this? What’s the solution? What’s the solution to the problem? Do we know what the solution is? It’s a very easy solution comes from a book called The manual by W anten, W anten, W dot a n t o n, this man is an ESTP.
And he wrote the manual. And in this book, he said, You’re not really going to have success with your relationships, friendships, relationships, sexual nonsexual mother, father, children, it doesn’t matter what kind of relationship, the ESTP will not have success in any of their relationships, until they finally figure out one thing. And this is the key to their happiness is the key to their success. This is the key to them, being able to be diplomatic with other people.
This is the key to them, being able to feel connected and gain that connectedness and that intimacy that they’re ultimately looking for in life, psychologically, they have to reach a certain point in their life in order to in order to gain all these things. And while the answer is very simple, gaining the answer is very hard. Because remember, they’re outcome focused. And as they’re outcome focused, these are the people who are not willing to put into any effort into anything, unless they’re guaranteed to get what they want, right? So that can be really difficult.
Like they’re not going to go shopping unless they know for a fact that the thing that they want is at the store. That’s why they’re going to download all the apps to the different stores and look up and see what’s in inventory before they even show up. That’s just kind of how they are because they’re very outcome focused. They want the outcome, right.
It’s one of the reasons why when Railgun and I were first together, she’s like, you know, I’ve never really actually been in a real relationship before. And I don’t want to be in a relationship unless like marriage is on the table unless there’s like a certain outcome that I’m looking for, you know, it’s kind of like the point that she was making. I’m like, Yeah, sure, no problem. You know, and that, and that, you know, that was that was also like my pre Red Pill days in those days, and I didn’t really know very much any better.
But but then I became red pill about a year later. And come to know what I do know now about relationships and masculine feminine behavioral psychology and intersexual dynamics. But what is it? What’s the answer? What is the answer The ESTP needs to be able to do all of it. What is causing them? What is causing them to not be able to be diplomatic people? Well, it’s really a form of cognitive projection.
Cognitive projection, is when you are projecting yourself onto other people. This is why how you insult people, how you hurt people, is the exact way to hurt you. Because you know, it hurts you, and you’re assuming other people are hurt the same way. Reputation, because reputation is how you attack them, even to the point where it’s so easy to blackmail them, right.
So easy to blackmail them. Because to them, reputation is everything. But to an ESTP, it’s a little bit different. ESTP is have this problem where they do not accept other people, they don’t accept other people.
And that can cause a huge, huge problem. So why is it why is it they’re not able to accept people which this lack of accepting other people is ultimately why they’re struggling to being diplomatic? That’s ultimately the reason. But why is it they’re not able to accept other people? And the answer is, they do not accept themselves ESTPs constantly are on this endless downward spiral of self rejection, they constantly reject themselves. And oftentimes, they require other people to not reject them.
In order for them to not reject themselves. They are in effect a form a covert people pleaser, they are covertly people pleasing, because they reject themselves. And the only way they will stop rejecting themselves, at least they figure early out in early life, they take the low road or the easy road, the easy way out the easy way that gives them the guaranteed outcome instead of walking the journey of personal growth. They figure that if other people accept them, that means that then they can accept those people.
But because you know, other people don’t accept them, well, I’m going to mirror that. And then I’m not going to accept them either. Which is childish, if you think about it, and very immature. But you know, they’re very young and youthful in their age at that point in time.
And that’s a problem. However, W anten posited a different perspective. In his book, The manual, which most people assume is a pickup artists book, it’s not, it’s actually a book on how ESTPs can have social skills, actually, that’s what the book is really about. And in this book, he states that you know, nothing good is going to happen in your life as an ESTP, unless you reach self acceptance.
As soon as the ESTP no longer has to rely on external sources of acceptance. Susie, SCP does not have to rely on external sources of acceptance and can actually find the power within to be able to accept themselves without anyone else. That includes not feeling like a failure all the time, that includes not feeling like they’re fake all the time. That includes not feeling like they’re boring all the time.
And they’re signing these stupid judgments themselves, you can actually assign positive judgments to themselves. You know what I’m really capable, you know, what I’ve gotten through a lot, you know, what I have gotten, I’ve done some crazy things. There’s some crazy stories, etc, to the point where they can have self acceptance without relying on memory, totems to remind them of all the good that they have done, or all the good that they have been through and all the good times that they used to have basically, when they’re being nostalgic, they need to get to a point in their life, where they’re able to utilize their Introverted Feeling trickster in a masterful, healthy way to actually have their own personal self acceptance regardless of anyone else’s behavior in their life. And until they reach that they will never be happy.
That’s a fact. And that is ultimately what is required for an ESTP to be diplomatic. It all boils down to self acceptance, because in order for an ESTP to be diplomatic, they have to be willing to be accepting of others, and the only way they can be accepting of others due to their Templar mirror. And the fact that they are Basically serving the function of N E as a sole temple person with a cognitive origin looking for connectedness and intimacy.
At the end of the day, they have to become their own source of self acceptance and it is only through self acceptance. Can they finally, at last except other people, which then finally enables them to be diplomatic because they are accepting of others. That’s the secret. That’s the truth.
Anyway, folks, hopefully that answered this question. Thanks for watching, and I’ll see you guys tonight on the discord