cs joseph responds
Hey guys, in this video, I’ll be answering the question, what would a relationship between an INFP and an ESTJ look like. But before I do that, I need you to like, make sure you’re subscribed to the channel. And also, if you hit the alert bell so that you get notifications whenever we go live, or when we’re posting additional videos, that would be fantastic. That being said, Welcome to CS Joseph response.
I’m your host chase here to answer your questions, union analytical psychology, or the fourth sides of the mind as well as four sides dynamics, because that’s what we call it. And again, today’s question is, what would a relationship between an INFP and an ESTJ look alike? And the source of today’s question is none other than Cora. And I’d also like to thank my wife, Railgun, for finding this pretty fun question. So let’s get down to it.
First things first, we’re going to look at Daisy Taylor, who studied at restoration. And she says that she’s a 20 year old female, at least on September 23 2018. And she says, quote, this is a personal experience, and probably won’t apply to most relationships. But I’ll try to take the MBTI stereotypes into account.
I mean, like, why is that necessary? Like literally why is that necessary? The friend dearest to me is an ESTJ girl. How does she know that? Like, how does anyone know this? I relationship developed slowly. Ooh, boy, it was an emotional roller coaster for both of us. Before we could settle down, we face a lot of tension and drama in the first few years.
She had lesbian, partly because we both had romantic feelings for each other. Okay, fair enough. And partly because we were complete opposites and handling the situation. Maybe I was the one confessing to her, although I forgot when and how I was always very open about my feelings towards her.
Okay, yeah, because you sound like an fit a user and she actually sounds more like an ESTP and not actually an ESTJ but that’s a whole nother story. I would jokingly and very awkwardly flirt with her whenever I had the chance because I love to provoke her just to catch her attention. Wait a minute, maybe you’re the SE user, I would openly compliment her body to and I had to learn the way how to develop the keep the the PDA low. From her side, it was a complete denial.
At first she didn’t want to admit her bisexuality to herself until recently. Okay, or maybe she didn’t have a choice. Or maybe like she just really wanted to be wanted and by somebody finally, maybe she’s not actually bisexual as much as people claim they aren’t. I don’t think they actually really understand these labels as much as people claim, just saying.
She found this part of our friendship and embarrassment because she had strict values and wanted to meet the expectations of others. That sounds pretty affiliative suddenly, I could change she’s actually an ESTJ, she opened up later and found out that she enjoys flirting with me as well, in her dominating ways that I completely don’t mind. Okay, well, maybe she’s not an ESTJ maybe more of like an ESTP because they do that. But who knows.
We had serious trust issues. In the beginning, she didn’t trust me because I could have crossed the line easily. And I didn’t trust her because she could have turned cold towards me anytime. Well, okay, that doesn’t sound very ESTJ all of a sudden turning cold at any time.
Because ESD j’s are afraid of their own self worth. And they try to be as warm as they can in certain situations for the sake of their own, you know, sympathies, they’re not very empathetic. So that’s kind of why they ended up getting the the label cold, when in reality, they shouldn’t but Okay, fair enough. I never busted her lies because I wanted to give her the space she needed.
Okay. There’s no way that this is describing an ESTJ INFP relationship at all. Like I give up. I’m moving on to somebody else.
This is this is not working. Alex saying, I he’s an INFP high schooler from July 19 2018. Awesome. I can’t tell you what the relationship would look like romantically.
Then why are you answering this question, but I could describe it in terms of friendship. Okay. One of my closest friends in the is TJ. I’ve known her for about seven, eight years, I’d say pretty hard to get along without any common interest.
But if both sides are able to communicate, well understand each other enough, then they can get along just fine. To me. My es TJ is kind of like a mom figure. Okay, that this is this is semi accurate.
She always is the one that keep me in check. If I’m lazing off or procrastinating anything important. This is getting real. She’s very straightforward and can get to be a bit bossy at times.
Okay, fair, but that’s usually them caring for you. Also, very fair. Generally, I think INFJs will be drawn to them by the ESTJ is charisma determination, whereas the latter be drawn by the quirky warm emotional side of an INFP. Guys, no, that’s not accurate.
But okay. On the other hand, if you’re not close than ESTJ, you could feel easily intimidated by the presence. Sometimes they may say something insensitive, but they usually don’t have any ill intentions. That’s that’s usually true actually.
In the end, though, it really comes down to how much both sides on your challenge each other and their ability to communicate. That’s true. All right. Thank you Alex sane for having the only sane person asked his question so far.
Let’s continue Derrek Lee boo CEO, the personality dating app at BU dot dating interesting. It’s actually he answered this on Thursday Oh, this is very this is very recent. It’s actually an frequently occurring pairing for natural reasons. They’re both at what each other or not, and that’s very attractive.
Okay. Now this guy is obviously like supporting Socionics duality. And let me tell you something, folks. Socionics duality is an absolute lie to the ISTJ.
The INFP is the embodiment of innocent optimism, and someone who’s touched with their feelings. So the INFP the ESTJ is the confident assured, decisive leader, no ESTJ is decisive leaders, I’m sorry, they have an eye trickster, they don’t actually know what they want. It sounds like this guy is actually describing an ESTP, which is the bronze pair for an INFP, which would be the most common marriage and also most successful relationships statistically, amongst people. Now, granted, I maintain his higher compatibilities with gold and silver pair relationships, but for some reason people choose bronze relationships more.
So the reason for that is, is that they have a tendency to be able to hide a little bit more, whereas you can’t hide as much as a gold or a silver pair. They have really high highs and really low lows in comparison to a bronze bear bronze pair is a little bit more balanced, etc. In terms of like a mutual love and respect for people’s domains within that relationship. He goes on.
However, these are very different personality types. And they often have different views on a lot of things like communication styles, and principles versus rationality. What may have been really attractive, the beginning will prove more difficult as both he began to compromise in order to understand appreciate his differences. Very well said, it’s a bearing with relatively higher divorce rate.
Yeah, so we don’t recommend it on boo, because we think this attraction dynamic can be made with more similar types, having the best of both complimentary personas and shared values. Okay, you make a good point. But to stay away from Socionics, please spend a little bit too much time on the answers. So now I give my answer the CSJ answer to what would a relationship between an INFP and ESTJ look like.
And let me tell you, absolute total health, this relationship is terrible. You do not want to have this relationship. It’s an intra Quadra relationship, which means these folks have the exact same cognitive functions except in different order. So you have two FY users here two si users to Te users to n e users, both of them are trying to make the other person want them.
And both of them have a hard time wanting anything, especially the ESTJ. So they any parent who wants to be wanted to desired it within the INFP is trying to get the ESTJ to desire them. But then the ESTJ has ni trickster and is not able to meet that need whatsoever. As a result, it’s absolutely terrible.
Not only that, so that makes the sexual compatibility terrible. But the emotional compatibility is even just as terrible. Why? Well, because each of them is all about well, my values, not shared values. Each of them is all about you know what everyone else is thinking.
And it just becomes a conversation of okay, who could find a better source before we make a decision, who can find a who could do the better research before we can make a decision. And oftentimes, they actually put each other status over the other because both of them are status seeking the INFP is super status thinking or seeking, whereas the ESC j is more of like trying to seek a higher, you know, philosophy, moral principles, etc. But they end up judging each other, they judging, they end up judging the other person as either weak or ineffective, or you don’t want me or you don’t think that I’m competent, or you don’t think really highly of me. And they’re both accusing each other of this over time consistently.
So when Socionics duality comes into play, oftentimes people mistake duality for Broadspire relationships, and his blows up in everyone’s face. And in this case, especially, you know, sex in the bedroom, what absolute waste of time, like, both of them are trying to get the other person to initiate with them. And that’s just not going to happen. There’s just no initiating thing going on there.
And so basically, we’re already looking at a sexless relationship for the most part, they may they because that’s a cognitive transition, and it can cause the brain stress to actually have a sexual relationship. So sex is all about you know, relieving stress, right? No, in this case, actually, it’s very stressful and it won’t actually be fulfilling whatsoever. And as a result, these two types grow apart, grow apart, grow apart, grow apart, grow apart. Typically people get into duality relationships like this when that’s like their very first time and it’s like literally, you know, marrying the first person you have sex with essentially and that’s usually how these kinds of relationships last or or you know, there they go on 10 years before they actually end up getting a divorce, which is what they should have done like oh wait, they shouldn’t even got married to begin with.
Their Reason Why is is because that’s their both si use and the sexual experience that these two people have. It’s only what those two people and they really don’t know why. You know, I also in my coaching practice and of coaching, ISTJ, and ENFPs. And they end up having the same exact problems as INFJs and ESD J’s do the exact same compatibility issues, no sexual compatibility, no emotional compatibility.
And eventually, it just leads to cheating. And in fact, statistically, it’s the INFP with that will cheat first because they have the vise of treachery. inf peas are technically the most treacherous of all the types, but they’re also the most loyal of all the types because they oscillate between those two extremes within virtue and vice etc. So as a result, the INFP eventually will just start trading up and then abandon the ESTJ entirely ESTJ may hold out and be a little bit more loyal to the INFP over time, but that’s usually not the case.
I actually grew up with a couple that I went to church with. And he was an INFP. She was an ESTJ, she was his first sexual experience. The thing is, is that he didn’t know that like she was having like, an extra relationship on the side that ended up being like her first son, but she didn’t tell him and he didn’t realize that his firstborn was not actually his kid.
It was it was it was it was disastrous, these two. But, you know, to this day, I don’t think their son actually knows the truth about that. But the point is, is that this relationship is devastating and needs to be avoided at all costs. Do not do it.
Thank you can you know, it’s horrible. If you want to find out more about why that is? Watch Season Five playlist on my other YouTube channel or watch the videos on the golden parents as well as pedagogue relationships, the romantic compatibility series that have in season 14 is available at CS joseph.ly. Forward slash members. So anyway, if you’d like a chance that your question being answered on this channel, please post it below as a comment, or go on Quora and tag me.
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