8 rules for loving an ISFP | Season 27 | CS Joseph
CS Joseph discusses 8 rules for loving an ISFP.
Hey what’s up ego hackers. This is season 27 Episode 14. Eight rules for loving ISFPs aka the artist, aka the druid 00:38 was taken an extremely large amount of time to get to the point where I’m actually getting the season. It’s taken a long time, but there’s always so much content to do I think like we probably have like, potential for about 2000 episodes left just keeps growing and growing and growing.
And I’m always falling behind far more behind than ever. 01:14 But regardless, it’s nice to have the opportunity to speak the truth especially a revealing truth when it comes to 16 archetypes according to Carl Jung, and had the opportunity to enlighten people were there was nothing but darkness. And that’s probably in general. The theme of today’s episode, I’ve been studying Socrates, my bro Jimmy, shout out to Jimmy you know who you are, for giving me that Socratic book that was exquisite, exquisite reads so far.
It’s nice to have additional terminology with which to play with. And one of the terms that I learned about is the concept known as double ignorance, according to Socrates which is not knowing anything about a particular subject, while suffering the delusion that you do know something about the subject. And that’s frustrating. But that just happens to be how ISFPs in general, live their lives.
And out of the 16 types ISFPs suffer from being delusional more than everyone more than anyone. Which can be especially tiresome to TI users. Because one thing that I’ve noticed that when you have a relationship with an ISFP they tend to not listen to you the TI user by default. And that really sucks.
I mean, really, it really sucks. Like when you’re when you’re a TI user, you’re in a relationship with someone you just can’t really get over being dismissed. 03:22 And the thing about extroverted thinking inferior when it comes to ISFPs is that 03:29 while they can ask questions and provide input, that ti demon that is attached to the TE inferior via cognitive orbit, ends up causing a lot more problems. Because I mean, what good is it to criticize a TI demon? There’s no point.
There’s no There’s no gain from that you’re better off just letting the TI demon dig its own hole. Run away from the DI demon until they figured out that they’re wrong. Just make sure that you’re not around to clean up the mess. Because, you know it is written in the Book of Proverbs.
Always seems right to a man but in the end that leads to death. Oftentimes, that’s just kind of how I view ISFPs they think they’re doing good. They think they’re doing the right thing. They think they’re being pretty smart.
04:32 But the reality is, it’s not the case. They often teeter totter between being entirely foolish, or being entirely wise it’s kind of a fascinating thing to watch. 04:52 Especially since as they get older and older. They obsess over metaphysical con concepts.
It’s one of the things I really like about the day the wind is starting to pick up. 05:07 That sucks. Not really down for so much wind right now my afternoon put on my hook for that to protect my microphones. But yeah, like also turning my head also keeps them out of the wind.
So it’s kind of really frustrating. Hopefully it’s not too bad. 05:36 I was laughed at reshoot this, I don’t want to reshoot another potentially hour long lecture, you know. But yeah, ISFP is like, they have a tendency of not like at least the younger ones, not taking ti users word.
I really don’t. And unless multiple people like telling them the same thing, they’re not usually going to listen. Which means those ti users have to employ an FE group. In order to get the FY user to listen.
And this right here is primarily the main issue of the FY hero of ISPs. This is probably the biggest obstacle when it comes to having or seeking relationships with them. It’s a major obstacle. It sucks, it really sucks.
Honestly, it’s one of the reasons why I’ve avoided throughout my life having relationships with ISFPs, because my TI parent is just like, really. I spend all this time thinking and providing solutions, where you’d rather go talk to someone who is what credible looks like and authority, they’re certified, they’re qualified in some way. But that qualification is ultimately subjective. And they end up following that person or making the decision based on that person because it’s safer.
But it’s that level of safety, that really just does nothing more than promote additional ignorance. And that’s a problem. They end up becoming super ignorant. And then they like to pass off with their ti demon that they actually know a lot about a particular subject, especially when they’re telling you about it.
But they themselves are ignorant of the fact that they don’t actually know anything about the subject. They don’t know anything at all. So this is what Socrates calls a double ignorance. I think that’s why like, overall, ISFPs end up being attracted to en TPS like myself, but I mean, ISFP is that is ISFP.
Isn’t it being attracted to en teepees like myself? But the problem is, though, is that the closer they get to you, the less they actually listen. And that’s a huge problem. That’s that. It really doesn’t exactly spell out.
Foundation, a foundation for a relationship. It really doesn’t. It’s one of the biggest problems. One thing that I’ve noticed about Fe Heroes is that when it comes to FYI heroes, especially ISFPs and ISFP, delusions is that was actually feeling heroes.
Often, and this is pretty often what they often end up doing is they end up indulging those delusions. And in my opinion, that’s one of the worst things you could ever do to an ice. That’s like, that’s akin to like selling them downriver. Indulging delusions because on the one hand, you criticize them, right? Or you tell them they’re wrong, right? 09:23 They get mad.
They’re not going to listen. They’re really not going to listen. It’s just not going to happen. 09:34 But then if you indulge their delusion at the same time, it’ll make them happy for a time, but then they’ll find out that they’re wrong naturally.
And then they’ll blame you for not telling them. So it doesn’t matter what you do. You’re going to lose, you’re going to lose entirely. So from my point of view, my very biased point of view Oftentimes, at least for me being ti parent, a sexual relationship with an ISFP, at least a long term one is a losing prospect.
And I have a really, really hard time being in the presence of an ISFP, who’s not willing to take me at my word, above every other person in their life, every other person, if they’re not willing to do that, I cannot, I just cannot be in a relationship with them. And then I end up being that person that just decides to arbitrarily not mean literally not follow the rules have nothing to do with the eight rules seriously. You know, most people would assume that the first rule for loving ISFPs is actually all about, you know, making them feel good, making them feel important, making them feel valuable. The problem is, is that if you indulge, FYI hero in doing so, it will backfire.
11:18 And you don’t want that I basically is enabling. And enabling si hero means you’re basically enabling their delusions. And then over time, they’re actually not going to trust you and you’re thinking more likely, if you are to criticize them, or at least correct them. In the long run, they’re more likely to respect you.
And the long term relationship has a higher chance of working. But again, folks, it’s still a lose lose situation, it doesn’t matter what you do, they’re going to be upset at you, they’re not going to like you. And to Crusaders, like myself, this is untenable. Now granted, their golden pair and ESF J, with their Introverted Sensing parent and their Extraverted Feeling hero, they’re able to put up with it, they’re able to indulge.
And it’s that kind of indulgence, that a lot of people are just not really aware of the risk, but it will come out and bite you in the butt later. So, personally, with my personal bias, I find ISFPs very frustrating. But honestly, that’s really born out of inexperience, I don’t really have much experience with good ISFPs ISFP is willing to listen ISFPs to put my to prioritize my word above everyone else in their life, you know, as women like, you know, members of the opposite sex. For me personally, I just haven’t experienced that I really haven’t.
And that can be pretty hard. You know, and ESFJ can go in there. Establish familiarity, establish rapport, try to coax interest and desire out of the ISFP. But eventually, the TI inferior will end up becoming a problem.
But that’s kind of why ISFPs can handle or prefer being with ti inferior because ti inferior is not exactly as threatening to their delusions. And what ends up happening is that ESF J’s allow ISFPs to be delusional over a certain amount of time, basically, it just sort of happens. The delusion just just happens, you know, they they end up enabling it, whether they’re aware of it or not. So that sucks, that sucks, and actually slow can potentially slow the growth of the ISFP over time.
Whereas someone like me with ti parent, as blunt as it is, as harsh as ti parent can be specifically for ISFPs we can be sharp enough to sharpen them. To them though, ti hero is just way too strong, way too powerful, way too arrogant, way too prideful for them to even be able to handle and their te inferior just gets crushed. And that leads to their se parent getting Rayji that leads to their ti demon coming out. And they’ll just tune me out.
So I do not envy their golden pair with what they have to deal with. Granted, I will admit ISFPs they’re very natural, very natural to me. Very natural to be around. I like being around them.
I like having fun with them. I like spending time with them. But In terms of a relationship, it’s just so hard. Especially in this day and age, especially when we have Twitter culture and canceled culture like we don’t really have.
We don’t really have very many opportunities to actually have really good discourse when it comes to ISFPs. And I realized, after reading Jimmy’s book selection, that the Socratic method itself is actually the key to having a relationship with an ISFP. It really is. So basically, the Socratic method is, you just end up asking a series of questions.
And then you allow for the TI demon aka the FYI hero, to dispel its own delusions based on the questions that you’re asking. Because they’ll start to the TI inferior or the TE inferior after a while will start to pick up what you’re dropping, you know, because like, don’t forget, like the ESF j is informative. It’s triple informative. That’s our golden pear.
I’m their bronze pair, I’m their natural, I’m also informative. They just don’t want that ti parent directness to tell them they’re wrong. But if I ask them a series of leading questions about a particular subject of which I know they have a delusion, it ends up they end up dispelling their own delusion, and requires an extreme amount of patience. Right here, this method, the Socratic method is the key to having a good long lasting relationship with an ISFP.
If you are an E intp, like myself, for example, or even potentially a TI hero, who’s like, like an intp, who would be in a relationship with an ISFP. I mean, that’s possible. 17:08 Losing it I think I got it back. So that ends up becoming a problem.
So but here’s the thing, like, you got to think about it in terms of necessary evil, right? Or a different way of looking at it. And that is, it doesn’t matter what you do. You’re damned if you do damned if you don’t, if you’re a TI user trying to be in a relationship with an ISFP Dan few days you don’t. So you may as well do.
You may as well criticize, you may as well tell them they’re wrong. But it’s how you criticize, and it’s how you tell them they’re wrong. That matters. ESF J’s, they’ll just throw their hands up.
And they’ll just indulge the ISFP and their delusions over time. But that will spell disaster. And in my opinion, this is just an opinion. That was the reason why that golden pair has the highest highs and the lowest lows in terms of their relationship.
18:22 Sorry about the wind guys, I’m trying to get out of it here in a second. See if I can find a less windy location here. 18:40 So if you use the Socratic method, their ego is not offended because they themselves are given the opportunity to dispel their own delusion that they may have a particular subject. And then you’re basically in effect, walking slowly walking them through your logic so that their ti inferior is not threatened.
Unless the ego is not perceiving that you are assaulting them or walking around thinking that they’re stupid because it’s so easy for them to take things personally. It’s so easy for them to see you or anyone else was talking down to them. And that’s that’s not that’s not a good foundation for a long term sexual relationship. What a waste of time you don’t want that 19:33 trying to finish this it’s not working so well.
So maybe this is a good spot. This might be a good spot so Rule number one is obviously do not indulge their delusions, but help them dispel their own delusions. Out of all the 16 types, there is no type that is more delusional than an ISFP. 20:18 The reason why is you have that F fi hero combining with the N E trickster, not knowing the consequences of their own thinking, Oh, it’s so difficult.
It’s so difficult to deal with. And it’s not their fault. But you have to have enough patience to be able to get through that. And that’s the other thing.
Don’t forget, don’t forget that ISFPs are actually very well, they live in the moment, of course. But because they can’t see the consequences there, they’re more likely to just assume they’re more likely to assume that you’re assaulting their ego, which sucks. That may not be what you’re intending, but they don’t know your intentions. They may not even actually know what you mean.
So they’re going to default like most people, to protecting their ego, and you got to be really, really careful with them. In that particular scenario, you gotta be like, super careful with them. Please be careful with them. They’re very delicate creatures.
ISFPs. Very artistic. gotta understand, though that there is value, there is value to their delusions, and that and that and those delusions actually end up being the reason why they’re fit or delusions is one of the reasons why they ended up very amazing artists, be it in music, be it in paintings, watercolors, architecture, or landscaping, painting the landscape, that kind of a thing. Any of that applies, seriously, any of that applies.
That’s a Garwin to my head, like I need to calm down just a little bit here and have a seat. So rule number one, don’t indulge their delusions, but carefully preferably with the Socratic method, walk them through a process so that they can have their they can dispel their delusion by themselves, you’re actually offering a helping hand and not necessarily a correction. Now granted, sometimes in a relationship, you’ll end up being in a situation where you will have to correct them because it could be an emergency situation. But Rule number two, rule number two is really really big important in this area.
Because it will require an extreme amount of patience on your part, to be able to help walk them down the path to dispel their delusions. You know, remember, they have en TJ subconscious, they are ultimately becoming an intellectual, eventually down the road in their life. But it’s so easy to offend their ego, especially when they have any trickster. They don’t know what you want to say.
They don’t even know what you mean, because of an E trickster. They know what they mean. But sometimes they don’t know the consequences of what they mean. And sometimes what an ISFP means or their FYI hero is based on a delusion itself.
So the only thing you could do is have enough patience to be able to run them through the Socratic method. But this is also kind of where rule number two comes in. Which is you need to have the patience of a saint. That is rule number two have the patience of a saint.
Why is that necessary? It’s because they’re outcome focused. And they’re trying to see what the outcome of the conversation is what you’re saying. But if you’re willing, like an ESFJ would or like an EN TP would take them by the hand and walk them through this logical or even intellectual journey about how they can arrive to a conclusion that will dispel their own delusion and actually increase their own intellectual side within their subconscious. Well, they know they’ll win they will know especially eventually when si critic starts keeping track of all the data and everything that they’ve experienced with you in the shared experiences.
That discourse itself becomes such a valuable, the discourse involved in the Socratic method that is and having patience to use the Socratic method on an ISFP they know that you out of everyone have the patience to do that, which means they will value you above everybody else. their whole lives because they themselves know they’re delusional they know know that other people will judge them as delusional, that other people by default, would basically think they’re stupid. And because of that, by you having the patience to walk them down that journey, that was actually pretty dope contraction there, if you have the patience to actually walk them down this journey, basically, to help broaden their intellectual horizons, and what they think, participant that discourse itself is, is what will become valuable to them. And they know that you are the only person in their lives that are actually willing to do that for them.
And that’s how they will value above everybody else. So yeah, you can observe rule number one, which is Don’t indulge their delusions, because if you’re damned if you do damned if you don’t, you may as well do. So you want to help them dispel their own delusion. Don’t tell them, they’re delusional, everybody else does that you would be no different than anybody else.
And what makes you valuable as their lover, if you’re treating them like everybody else has in their whole life, that would suck. The problem is, is that ISFPs themselves lack patience. So whenever I engage with an ISFP, say, an ISFP woman that I’d be interested in, like, I’m trying to have a sexual relationship with her and I’m really interested in she’s she’s very attractive, she’s very artistic. She enriches my life increases my quality of life as FY hero and add as FY child does, Liz tries to do.
The problem is, is that there’s so impatient, that they may jump to the conclusion that eventually I’ll just see them as a stupid or delusional person like everybody else. And then they’ll just skip to the end with their outcome focus, and then just decide to not have anything to do with me. So with me being a starter type, I have to be like, extra careful. Although ESF J’s they kind of indulge with their Fe hero, the F fi hero delusions anyway.
So and that ti inferior is not as threatening as like a TI parent. So while they are my bronze pair, while they are the type that I’m most likely to marry, and most likely to be in a long term sexual relationship with the highest success, it’s actually getting a relationship started with them. It’s not just my experience. I’ve talked to many en TPS about this particular subject.
We all seem to struggle with ISFP women in this culture, because Western society indulges or enables, I guess, the delusion of an SI of an ISFP. Woman over time, they don’t really do this, though, for ISFP men that that’s really not a problem because men in their circle, honestly, especially like if they’re on a construction project, like co workers, that kind of thing, shoulder to shoulder relationships with other men ISFP men end up having their delusions beat down. But because ISFP men don’t actually have a support structure with society. There, they end up being able to take criticism over time by an ISFP woman.
Not really, if you guys notice in the hypocrisy of the INFP episode, within behind the paywall with the private lectures, the premium lectures that I offer, in those lectures, specifically, the INFP, one that PARKCITY the INFP is, I basically tell people don’t even bother criticizing them. This is why NJ is when they’re around inf peas. And J is just completely retreat because they know that there’s really nothing they could do. You want to have a similar approach with an ISFP don’t necessarily criticize them.
But the thing is, is you can’t let them off the hook either. And you have to have that patience, to be willing to use the Socratic method to help them go on this journey to dispel their own delusions. That way, their ego is not hurt, and then they themselves grow and end up becoming better. They end up able to harness reality, the reality of the life that they live the reality of anything in their life, the reality of now, because you have patience, and they’re able to learn more about their reality because you have patience with them.
That’s why Rule number two is so important. It’s so important. 29:36 So those are the top two rules, but they really really work together in tandem for a better outcome because remember, they’re always going to try to skip to the end because they’re outcome focused. It’s just how FYI hero is.
Because remember, FYI heroes really exist. They have their own sense of morality. They know what they value, but they’re really only going to go out of their way to cherry pick ideas that Pre fit what they already believe pre fit what they already value, which if you think about it, it is the source of delusion. But the thing is, is if that delusion is being indulged, if it’s being enabled by society or somebody, people in their family people closest to them, if they’re being enabled, they’re actually being set up for failure, and they’re really actually going to be unhappy in life.
That’s why like, I’m a crusader ESF jays, their Crusader esfjs of their affection type, I’m their natural type, you know, in terms of sexual relationships, they they won’t grow, their growth will be stunted, they won’t actually be happy people with their delusions being enabled. Now, an INFP may may make that distinction. But the thing is, is that eventually the ISFP will realize that the more delusional that they are, the more their performance just sucks, and I can’t live with themselves, knowing that they’re a poor performer. Now, ISFP men don’t really have this issue, because eventually the men in their life will grind them down.
And they will learn over time, how to take criticism, that’s ultimately the journey of TI demon to TI Angel basically, but an ISFP woman not so much, especially because of society’s enablement their own internal solipsism, which means that by birth, they’re more entitled than men in their life, an ISFP man would not be as entitled, they’d be more self sacrificing than an ISFP woman, whereas an ISFP woman is more likely to be entitled and more delusional, which makes it really, really difficult for me at TI parent, to just, you know, be around them. So I have to use my si aspirational. And I’m just sharing my experience here, guys, so that you guys can just understand just how delicate ISFPs are especially ISFP. Women, they’re like the most delicate, beautiful flowers, beautiful flowers that are that are in the environment.
And they just flitter in the when they’re just so cute, you just you just dive to around them. And they’re just so delicate. And you could just sense as a crusader. If you’re a crusader with them, you could just sense how delicate they actually are.
But the thing is, is that they’re golden parents up at a high risk of enabling them. Now granted the natural. The natural type, also known as the bronze pair, I’ve consistently said that the bronze pair enables people the most. And that can happen however, because I am progression or movement, and they are outcome or control with their.
With their interaction styles. It ends up becoming a bigger problem, it ends up. There’s, there’s not so much there’s not as much enablement when it comes to the NTP man to an ISFP woman relationship. Basically, there’s there’s not as much enabling, the enabling would probably more happen from her towards him in the long run, and not as much from him to her.
So keep that in mind. Because you know, my si inferior is still at risk of having similar depravity to what an ENFP is si inferior would have definitely. And I guess some of the ways that I would end up enabling her would be enabling her deadly sin of greed. And, but, you know, she goes out of the way to be the object of my envy, or at least the reward of my hard work that my deadly sin envy causes in me like going, you know, maximum effort, Deadpool Ryan Reynolds style, because, you know, they would inspire me to put even more effort.
Why is that because they’re very diligent people, very diligent people. You’d never want to get in the way of their diligence, which that’s actually rule six, don’t get in the way of their diligence, like, if they’re on something stay out of their way. Seriously, that’s rule six. But But rule number three is, you know, while you’re having patience, and rule number two, rule number three is you have to give them the freedom to explore all of the angles.
And that’s one of the reasons why they go to other people and find out what other people think. The problem is, is that that’s not good in terms of a sexual relationship. It’s not good in a romantic relationship at all. Because ISFPs routinely allow the opinions of others to influence their own behavior in your relationship.
I hate it. This even includes in the bedroom, because what their parents taught them what people taught them, oh, it’s not appropriate to do that particular sexual act. They’ll actually limit themselves even though you as an any child or even an any hero potentially has given them all freedom the world To act as sexual as they want, within the context of the bedroom, but they’re still going to allow those external judgments to influence their behavior. And it’s those external judgments that end up fueling additional delusion.
So you got to make sure that you’re watching out for that, you have to have that patience, you can’t indulge the delusions for too long, if not at all, don’t do it, you just have to take them on that journey, but allow them the freedom to explore, except you are the one who are the guide, you are the guide. And that is rule number three, always guide ni child through its exploration. Don’t forget that while they are very freedom based, they are freedom based creators. They are artists and types.
Artists and types are built to be in relationships with affiliative people write me I’m an ESTP, that makes me more pragmatic, right? Well, because I’m more pragmatic. They’re built to be with more affiliative people. So they actually like and appreciate that when I am affiliated with them, because they see a different side of me that they don’t, that I don’t really have, I’m really pragmatic around other people. But I actually share my ISFJ affiliative subconscious with them.
And we have this shared experience of my affiliative. But I’m only sharing it with them the ISFP. I’m not sharing it with anybody else, but them. And that makes them feel more special.
But the only way to do that is to practice my own affiliative behavior within my subconscious for their benefit, is to give them a guided tour of their freedom. So guide the NI child, provide them with goals, concrete goals, so that they have a more guided experience. That way, they’re not shooting in the dark. They hate shooting in the dark.
That’s one thing about the NI child of ISFPs that I appreciate is that because they’re so outcome focused, they hate shooting in the dark, they need that guidance. But you need to guide them in a way where you’re not offending them. Which because you know, the fourth rule, which is really obvious, don’t ever make an ISFP feel stupid, don’t do it. Don’t make them feel stupid.
You need to act in a way where they believe that you think highly of them enough, highly enough that you’re willing to be patient with them that you’re willing to share the affiliative that they need, that you’re not going to crush them like a bug, or more accurately, they’re that delicate flower on the field, and they want to know that you’re not going to rip their petals off, they need to know that you’re not going to rip them out of the ground, they need to know that you’re not going to stomp on them. And because you’re giving them that guidance, you’re allowing that sunlight to hit them this flower basically so that they can grow. But the sun or the truth, it’s hot, it’s painful, it can hurt, it can burn them. So sometimes you do no need to give them some shade, which means sometimes you kind of got to spoon feed them your ideas instead of just onload the entire to lose the ocean of ideas on them, because they’ll end up feeling so stupid.
So you really have to guide them one idea at a time. And that’s why I maintain the Socratic method is so crucial to relationships ISFP men and women, because if you’re giving them a guided tour of intellectual thought or thought in general, it makes them more intelligent. They see that you’re patient, they feel important. And that the fact that you’re willing to do that, and you never treat them like they’re stupid, oh, they just can’t, they just can’t have enough of you.
Because they know that no one else in their entire life has ever treated them that way. And there any Trickster is completely unaware of whether or not they would they would ever get another opportunity to be with somebody like you who’s willing to do that for them. 39:19 It’s so special. It’s so valuable to them.
And quite frankly, it’ll get to a point where they just can’t let go. They can’t live without you. They don’t want to live without you. Sure, granted, they’ll want to have their space to explore their inner child and that’s fine, but it is always a means to an end to them.
There’s always an outcome in mind. Sometimes they don’t know what that outcome is. And that’s what leads to their vise of idleness which is really sad. They’re very diligent.
So keep them diligent, you have to really observe the first four rules. It’s really important Also if they see that you are inspired by their diligence and their effort, they’ll actually try to compete with you. Because they’ll be like, Whoa, man, I need to work harder than him. I need to work harder than her.
Because you know, like, for example, si inferior, especially en TPS, we can out effort anybody. No one can outwork us once we get in stride. And they’re like, Oh, crap, I should probably like up my game. And that’s mega healthy for them mega healthy.
Rule five, Rule five is a little different. Now we’re getting into their shadow. Rule five is more about. They need acceptance.
Rule five is accept them, tell them that you accept them. They’re so worried that you don’t accept them because they’re already afraid. You think they’re dumb, but they’re also worried that you don’t accept them. They’re already used a lot of people in their life not accepting them.
treating them like Airheads, like that whole dumb blonde archetype is often attached to ISFP women, especially when you see the amount of ISFP women who are at the Paul Mitchell school for you know, becoming hairstylist and hair people and amputations and cosmetologist and all of that it’s beauty school. Well, they oftentimes are judged by other people to be that dumb, airhead blonde. And that’s the fastest way to get them really worried. And they’re worried that that’s what, that’s the kind of value judgment you are going to have towards them.
They’re constantly worried about that. So you as their lover, it is your duty, it is your duty, to make sure via concrete action with words and deed. And believe me, they love words, they love praise, you know, they love praise, because they’re in fit, ease or in fit, users love praise and praise really helps heal their Inferior function when they’re hurt. But really, you need to make sure that they understand consistently because they’ll need a lot of reassurance.
When you’re in a relationship with these people. You need to give them acceptance, you need to make them feel accepted. Because and they also need to see that you accept them more than most people that they’re different, that they are at a higher level above other people because you accept them. So make sure you give them that acceptance.
The problem is, is that oftentimes, you know Effie heroes especially ESF J’s, or golden pair, give them too much acceptance, and that can end up enabling their delusions, men or women. Although the problems worse with women, it’s not as bad with men, but it’s still a risk, and you need to be aware of that risk, very much so. So make sure you’re going out of your way to not do it too much, but just enough so that they’re not worried about it that they understand that you accept them. Praise helps because it heals the inferior, and sometimes energy from the inferior may bleed into the Nemesis, it can happen.
But really with cognitive orbit. If you’re really helping them, guide them, and helping them to spell their own delusions, they actually end up feeling more acceptable to people in general, not just you. And they need to feel accepted by everyone in general, eventually, not just you. Okay? So give them acceptance, but help them become more acceptable to others.
Okay, that’s Rule five, rule six, where he touched on lightly. Rule six is all about getting out of their way when they’re diligent to if they’re on if they’re on like a train track going in a certain direction. Get out of the way. Seriously, get out of the way.
Are you like literally trying to destroy their life? Are you really trying to make them more viable? Are you really trying to get them to throw their hands up and give up, if they’re onto something, support them through whatever it is they’re doing? The outcome will be valuable, I promise you just have to trust FYI hero, you just have to eventually trust and I child, remember they are outcome focused, they are going for an outcome. You need to again be patient enough to do that. And when they see with their se parent that you’re being patient, you know with them and are willing to wait. They’ll even be more diligent because they know that the outcome will blow your socks off.
So like whenever an ISFP is trying to show you something always or at least share something with you because Introverted Sensing critic, Introverted Sensing is still a sharing function. Introverted Sensing critic will be working hard and deal isn’t because they’re trying to eventually share something with you, or they may already have something to share with you. And if they do, stop for a second and consider with thought about what it is they’re sharing with you, it might be a piece of art, it might be something that they’ve created, it might be something that they’ve slaved over for hours, or been really, really diligent. Like, who who out there actually gives them the time of day when they’re sharing something.
You know, as children, they share things with their parents, or even their siblings or members, their family, people to church. And a lot of times those people who are the closest to them, we want him to give him the time of day won’t even give him the opportunity to share or they’ll just brush them off or blow them off. That is the worst thing you can do. And it destroys their diligence, and it makes them mega idol.
Don’t do that you want the laziest person in the world. That’s what you do. You just kind of be dismissive to when they decide the few times that they decide to actually share something with you. Because you’re you’re likely an SI user, if you’re in a relationship with them a sexual relationship, very likely eight out of 10, nine out of 10 Likely, actually that you are that you’re an SI user in a sexual relationship with an ISFP.
And you share stuff with them all the time, because SI is in your top four functions at that point. But when the few times that they actually decide to share with you, you need to immediately stop what you’re doing. And give them the time of day. Seriously, they worked hard for that.
You have to honor their effort. That’s rule six, honor their effort. Rule seven. You will need to translate what you mean a lot.
They’re so unaware of consequences, but they’re very outcome focused. Just tell them what the consequences of their actions are gonna be hell even tell them the consequences of your actions or the people around them. Literally use your expert intuition. Because if you’re an SI user, you’re likely an SI user, if you’re in relationship with them, make sure that you are observing this rule that you are telling them what could happen.
It’s not enough to just give them options and choices. They just need to know what could happen. It could be you know, because they could be slaving away at something. And sometimes they may actually lose faith and the work that they’re doing.
And a way to increase their faith and keep them diligent is to just be like, oh, yeah, that’s gonna be awesome, because then this will happen to them, this will happen. And then this will happen. And then this will happen. They’re like, Oh, yeah, that’s like that pyramid scheme of art.
That is the pyramid scheme of my creativity, it will have dividends, I will have return on investment for my effort. They’re very effort based people. And I think that’s one of the reasons why there’s so it’s so natural for me to be in a sexual relationship with an ISFP, or any NNTP for that matter, because we’re the bronze pair, because en TPS respect effort the most. And they’re so diligent, we sometimes try to out effort each other, it’s so interesting when that happens.
And then when that happens, it’s like, okay, yeah. But you need to make sure that they understand the consequences of their effort. And you need to make sure that they understand the consequences of your effort and the effort of others. That way, it’ll give them the opportunity to perform better, it’ll maybe even give them an opportunity to copy or mirror what someone else is doing, or at least incorporate a little piece of what someone else is doing to make what they’re creating more efficient, more successful, or better their performance overall as a person, because oftentimes, they don’t see the consequences of their actions, or your actions or anyone else’s actions to the point where they don’t even understand what you know, you mean or what you want.
And that can hurt them. Because remember, their body tempo, they’re all about legacy, they want to leave something great behind. But if they don’t want to be wasting their time, you need to tell them that they’re wasting their time. But you also need to tell them that they aren’t wasting their time, that’s even more important, way more important.
49:20 And then the final function their ti the TI demon. You can overtly criticize them, but do it in certain ways. You know, that can be that can be an issue. That could definitely be a problem.
So just just be aware of that like the TI demon. It’s more of like, you need to give them the room to let that ti demon become an angel where they can discover the truth where they’re dispelling their own delusions such that the few things in life that they know to actually be true. You want to be a part of that in earnest truth, that positive truth in your life because to them, the truth of the reality of the world just absolutely sucks. And that’s why they are delusional because the delusional the delusions actually give them more enjoyment in life.
Help them see that truth actually can be enjoyable. Help them see that there is hidden truths, hidden messages behind what they create, behind their legacy. It’s super important. It’s everything to them.
So, but really, like, it comes down to like, you just got to listen to them. You just have to be willing to listen to them. It’s how they sharpen their thinking. It’s how they sharpen their ability to intellectualize it’s how they, you know, it helps them engineer better solutions, basically.
So, be careful when you’re overtly criticizing them, you still need to criticize them, you’re just gonna want to do it covertly covertly criticize them, which is really hard to do, it’s hard to explain it again, Socratic method, because cognitive reflection in terms of the hero with RFI hero, it’s the same type of thing. But really, the thing is, is that you’re never going to get them to listen to you that you’re never going to get them to listen to you. You never and they need to listen to you in order to dispel their delusions. But why would they ever want to listen to you if you’re not going to bother to listen to them, and actively do so and act accordingly.
So rule number eight is seriously practice active listening, practice active listening, so that they’re more encouraged to listen to you. So that they’re more in court encouraged or prioritizing your thoughts above everybody else in their life, so that they’re not allowing other people’s judgments to get in the way or get between you and them in the context of your sexual relationship with them. They need you to listen, because by you listening and then filtering out what they say filtering out the delusion, they themselves naturally over time, will start to filter out people. But then naturally at the other time, they’ll actually start listening to what is actually valuable out there, the valuable truths, they’ll actually be able to collect valuable truth.
But if you’re not going to listen to them, What makes you think they ever will listen to you or anything that’s actually meaningful, it’s not going to happen. So make sure you follow that rule as well. So those are the eight rules for loving ISFPs. If you found this lecture useful, helpful, educational or enlightening, please leave a comment below.
I read all the comments. I may not respond to them all, but definitely read them all. Usually, we put little hearts on the comments. That’s because I’m basically marking them as read.
That’s what that means. If you guys want to learn more about the ISFP archetype go to CS joseph.ly forward slash members become a journeyman member watch the ISFP videos that we have behind the paywall. That would be awesome. And yeah, ISFPs are amazing people folks like life would just suck without an archetype, the beauty that they bring to the world and the truth that is hidden within the beauty and their creativity that they bring in the world is just something that’s absolutely necessary.
And for me, it makes life worth living because of the beauty that they bring into the world for my si inferior to enjoy. I honestly I couldn’t live without ISFPs in the world. So anyway folks, thanks for watching and I’ll see you guys tonight use of silver so can you you building strong