8 Rules for Loving an ISFJ | Season 27 | CS Joseph
CS Joseph discusses 8 rules for loving an ISFJ.
See us CSS podcast. This is gonna be season 27 Episode 13. Eight rules for loving ISFJs are, what are the eight rules for love for ISFJs, I get a little breezy out here. And if that’s the case, I’m gonna have to move.
take you with me some concern of wind getting in the way. But we’ll see how that goes. See how that goes today. So we’re going to be adjusting the Mohawk a little bit gonna make it a little bit narrower.
So me growing out in the top so I can start styling it that way it’ll be even more dope than it is. Which is fantastic. So yeah, welcome. It’s been a while since I’ve done public lecture, just did introduction or reintroduction to the temples last night.
For the live lecture, that was pretty great. That would be season 18 Episode 19. I just realized I mislabeled it after filming it oops. So I’m probably gonna have to label it properly, when it comes time to upload.
We’ll be in editing today. And then I’ll upload it. So just so you guys know, like from now on, anytime we do a live lecture, one of the previous live lectures in order will actually be released on YouTube. The thing is that we have 19 episodes right now.
And those 19 episodes like I mean, it’s a lot of content. So if you want to make sure you get those, make sure you sign up to our email, you do that at Bucha dot app, which is your DJ a dot a PP, go to there, take the test. But creating an account automatically signs you up for our email list. And then once you’re in our email list, basically, you’ll have an opportunity to basically just get a little breezy.
Maybe the swinging is not making it so easy, I’m not sure really might actually change my position here. So yeah. Either way, though, we’ll figure this out. Maybe like me swinging, it’s like a little bit less breezy around the ears.
These microphones are pretty sensitive. So yeah, so we can do. Anyway, the point is, if you’re on the email list, you’ll be emailed and you’re not like a paid member, you’ll be emailed a copy, or a link to the specific episode. And then you can also find it in the members area.
But as we’re releasing old live lectures on the public YouTube channel, if you’re really into that season, which season 18 cognitive mechanics currently, if you’re really into that season, you can get all of the episodes like all the cramps that have been released right now just go to CS joseph.ly forward slash members and sign up to become a journeyman member. Pretty easy, no problem. Or you can just wait and collect all of the links over time to be able to watch them. Although fair warning, some of those links may end up actually becoming broken.
And that would suck. So there’s, there’s a risk of that as well. And just just be aware of it. By but worst case, you could be a member and then see them all for season 18 and calling mechanics, cognitive mechanics, we always planned on it being released to the public, but we’re just gonna do a one episode per month or at least one episode.
Every time I film a live lecture that is released via email and doing a live lecture. If you’re a member you get to attend the live lecture. So a lot of people don’t really know that that’s a thing and we weren’t doing it for a while and the reason why it’s because we realized that we needed to reshoot the temples, the four temples and temple theory also known as temple exploration really is the cornerstone to four sides dynamics and understanding the four sides of the mind because we’re looking at the four sides of the mind for Are all of humanity before we break it down into individual people. So it’s kind of, ultimately, it’s a big deal, it’s probably the most important piece of pieces of content we’ll ever release.
Because it really explains how human nature creates human nurture and how human nurture impacts human nature. In this amazing a Roberts, like yin and yang equilibrium feedback loop was pretty fantastic. So hopefully, hopefully you all can enjoy that, I definitely think you will be able to so. So yeah.
But yeah, check that out requires membership or being on our email list to get them. Although you may have some older episodes missing. If you want to complete set, you can either wait for them to be released on YouTube, which will take I mean, a year and a half, at least. Since there’s like 19 episodes, so you’ll have to wait a year and a half, but then you’re going to be releasing new episodes.
And it’ll probably take up to two years to get all of season 18 or just want to binge watch them just become a member. Yeah, that’s a really long sales pitch. My bad. But it’s just so complicated.
Sometimes it’s necessary to repeat it so that people actually understand you know, how it all works? I don’t know. We’ll see. Anyway, season 27 Episode 13. A rules for loving iossef J’s.
Awesome. It’s been a very long time since we have done the series. So four more episodes to go, which is pretty awesome. And I’m very excited to have the opportunity to talk about it, again, we use and why it took so long is that like I left off on this series when I was started doing hypocrisy of iossef, J’s, and I really don’t like filming two lectures that have the same.
I don’t like filming two lectures that have led are of the same type around the same time, I just really don’t like doing that. Because my X ray thinking is so low that I’ll end up overlapping. And it would just, it would reduce the quality of the content that I produce. So I’m not I’m not going to do it.
Just really not going to work. So yeah. Yeah. iossef, J’s, iossef, j’s and relationships.
iossef J’s very interesting. When it comes to relationships, I mean, there may get common, make a comment. Some of the most common of all the types, I mean, at least among iossef, J, females, among women, they’re the most likely to get married, they’re the most sought after by men, because they are the most feminine of all the types. And they’re also statistically most likely to be your mother ISFJ, women repeatedly end up becoming mothers of children, regardless of what culture you’re in, because just in general, from a masculine and feminine point of view, they are the highest demand women out there, they just really are.
And I think just men in general, are just really put at ease by them. And, you know, my theory for that as to why that’s happening is mostly because like, given how likely they are to be like married and have children and become mothers, you know, men would typically collected it’d be like, well, I know, there’s a lot of biases shaved moms out there. And, you know, you’ve heard the old adage, where men typically marry women that remind them of their mothers. And if that’s true, then that would definitely potentially be an indicator as to why INFJ women are in such high demand.
Other than the simple fact that of course, is FJ women are the most feminine out there out of all the women like, you know, you may you may be able to like, challenge that was an ESF J. 09:31 But at the end of the day, I said two women are the absolute most feminine. And if you’re not really sure as to why that is, then I recommend trudging through the season 31 playlist here on the YouTube channel or on the podcast if you dare. So it was controversial piece of content that season that I’ve ever released.
But it’s it’s necessary because if you don’t understand the masculine feminine behavioral psychology, then it’s not really going to work oftentimes. I get criticized of, you know how red pill season 31 is. But the reality of the situation is, that red pill itself is based off those behavioral psychology concepts. And if you have enough patience to get through every episode and all 17 episodes of season 31, you’re going to realize that I have a lot of criticisms of the red pill community, and how its utilized.
The red pill community, for example, doesn’t know what a sigma male is. The red pill community oftentimes relies on Rollo Tomassi His judgments of women and oftentimes, it’s, it’s just a projection of his wife and his wife’s behavior onto all women out there. Now, not that I’m trying to, like, you know, make a not all women are like that type of argument. But there’s just a couple of grains of salt here and there, you know, and it’s nice that he has that description of, hey, you know, the red pill is praxeology.
It’s not an ideology, contrary to popular belief, right. So that’s a that’s just something to be aware of a lot of people just, you know, they get triggered by like the buzzwords and just assume that it’s just a hotbed of misogyny, but no, it’s behavioral psychology. And you know, if human nature is misogyny, then what exactly really is misogyny what exactly really is narcissism? What root you know, what is psychopathy? Like? What are these things, I mean, we kind of really don’t know, and even the DSM five criteria, actually has no basis for masculine or feminine behavior, it’s been completely removed. That’s why I reject the DSM five criteria entirely.
I completely rejected, although it is fun reading about the dark triad behaviors, especially when dark triad behaviors are being exhibited by ISFJ men in their relationships. Oh, I love it. It’s, it’s a pure joy. It’s a huge joy to actually witnessed that happening throughout.
So yeah, it’s pretty fun. It’s pretty busy today. Actually, the sun’s out, I just want to enjoy the sunshine, because some clouds in there. Hopefully these clouds move so I can get some more sun try to get that vitamin D up, you know what I’m saying? So yeah, but yeah, ISFJ is like overall are pretty feminine.
And this ends up becoming like a huge challenge for ISFJ brand when it comes to relationships, because the ISFJ archetype itself is feminine. So the men often behave in a feminine manner. And when you talk about, you know, how the red pill categorizes men in terms of alpha, or beta, completely ignored as you know, sigma male behaviors. But when it comes to organizing, you know, men and these two groups, you’d have to understand that from a behavioral psychology point of view, ISFJ men really just often seen as men who exhibit or express beta male traits on a regular basis, because of just how naturally feminine they are ISFJ men like like, alright, and just isif J’s in general, like they think in a certain way do their te trickster where it’s like, okay, hey, you know, I’m going to just read about this idea.
And then oftentimes, they’ll just round up or round down as to whether or not they’re going to accept the idea. The idea is based on acceptance, and not necessarily critical thinking. And sometimes they have a hard time accessing critical thinking, because one of their T functions is actually a trickster function, which can be a problem definitely can be a problem. So I am really trying hard not having to move here, but this this wind is really causing a problem and I really don’t want to fill my lecture in so much wind.
Yeah, it’s becoming untenable. I’m going to have to move let’s see where I’m at let’s see, I can’t even smoke. Yeah, the wind is just out of control. It’s very out of control.
And I probably have to trim a lot out of this video. So I’m going to move you folks would sew onto the Subaru because it’s just ridiculous. Completely ridiculous. So there’s a lot of challenges.
There’s a lot of challenges out there. Especially like if you look at if you look at how feminine you know, INFJ women are and then they live in this feminine primary social order society. A feminism that’s kind of forcing women to behave more masculine. They kind of get crapped on by like other women, or at least you know, how women or even least institutions ran by women, like for example, you know, the school system, etc.
They oftentimes find themselves in situations where they’re not even allowed to be feminine. And that really sucks. It sucks. It sucks for them, it sucks for everybody else.
So it’s not that like they have it easier. They have it hard to but they have it hard and like certain ways, and a lot of people out there are just completely oblivious to that pain, that can actually lead to them being jaded. I mean, already, we can assume the ISFJ men in general are pretty jaded, you know, pretty bitter about how men in general are being treated within Western society. But the reason why Western society treats men in that manner right now.
Well, it’s it’s completely and utterly intentional. reason why is because masculinity is not allowed to exist within Western society. It is the number one most oppressed force and oppressed by force in all of Western society, the reason why is because masculinity itself is what is required to challenge the system and challenge the authority of society itself. And by effectively brainwashing everybody, men and women into on this, this wind is bullshit.
absolute bullshit. Gotta move. God, I hate this. It’s probably just as bad.
It’s like that one temperaments video that I did, the very beginning of the YouTube channel. I thought the wind was gonna die down, but nope. It decided to pick up. Not exactly my cup of tea here.
So it’s so yeah. iossef J’s ended up oftentimes becoming victims of society, but also like iossef, J’s in general, like they are culture carriers. And then being culture carriers, as they have societies will impress upon them and imposed upon them, they end up carrying the will of society, whatever that will is. So oftentimes, the very thing that could help them the very thing that could save them, basically, they end up shitting on it, for lack of better term, because they are trying to protect the culture, or have become culture carriers of society itself.
And that’s a problem. That’s a big problem. Do they have the ability to challenge that? It’s just so hard, it’s just so hard, oftentimes, for people to really have that necessary challenge. 18:16 Well, why is that? Why would it be difficult? Well, for a lot of reasons, the reason why.
The reason why, Oops, hold on that’s better. The reason why primarily, is because society has enabled and really just put these ego investments in iossef, J’s, and it’s usually done in church, it’s done in the school system, any authority of society or authoritarian related organization, ends up for lack of better term brainwashing, iossef, J’s, into accepting these things as social norms, and then they will defend those social norms. And by defending those social norms, and not really willing to provide challenge to those social norms. Well, guess what, they become enslaved by those social norms.
And it’s not like those iossef J’s out there would ever actually be able to reach happiness. That’s that’s like one of the biggest problems and it’s funny because like, I get judged often by iossef. J’s, especially ISF J men for how I live my life, and my general lifestyle for myself, especially given how pragmatic I am and very independent, because they’re like, Well, why aren’t you following the rest of everybody else? You know, and you know, the older and ISFJ gets male or female? Yes, they’re EMTP subconscious Since developing more often, they’re becoming more of a free thinker, because they’ve realized through their extroverted sensing Nemesis that society has actually betrayed them. But the thing is, is that there’s such a glutton for punishment is such as such a glutton for punishment, they can’t even live without some form of adversity in their life.
And due to adversity in their life and not having adversity in their life, that could become a huge problem for them. So what they end up doing is fast tracking to acceptance, they end up just accepting their lot in life accepting that, yeah, I probably never will be happy, I’m just gonna stay this way. Because it’s what I’m used to anyway. So this ends up really becoming a problem, because, you know, if you look at the virtue and vice of ISFJs, faith versus fear, they’re too afraid.
They’re just too afraid to actually, you know, move forward and have changed in their life because they’re afraid of the consequences of what that change will bring. And that, too, is a major, major issue. I, I’ve never felt good about that. And that’s one of the things that really bothers me, you know, from a camaraderie point of view, when it comes to my relationship with iossef, J’s.
I mean, earlier today, John Bodeen, posted on the CSJ Instagram account, about how iossef J’s, you know, like, if you are in fear, I mean, that’s, that’s, that’s basically a sin, fear is a sin. If you are in fear, then you have no faith, you have no faith at all. And that’s the thing that iossef J’s oftentimes need to feel safe, and having faith in something. But that’s not going to work.
It’s almost like, it’s kind of like how I criticize INTJ, which is funny because INTJ as an archetype is the super ego, of the ISFJ, archetype. And INTJ is have this problem where they expect certainty, they have this problem where they expect certainty, and this actually causes the INTJ archetype to be risk averse. Like, for example, you know, being in relationships, with INTJ, women approaching them being approached by them, oftentimes, they don’t even approach because they’re just not certain, they’re not certain about me, they’re not willing to take the risk, etc. And they really do need to take the risks because nothing ventured, nothing gained, they really have to come to that understanding.
But then even the NI demon of the INFJ archetype has to get to that point where it’s like, okay, yeah, you need to start taking some risks. But we’re what is the risk for what how is the risk even actually used iossef J’s have to risk putting their faith into something, or into someone, or into a particular idea, or a new social norm, or alternative ways of thinking. And they’re so common, and so easily brainwashed, just especially with that te trickster basically, and that society is built upon that extroverted thinking, trickster and even extra thinking demon to a point but extroverted thinking trickster unawareness, so like, like, it’s so easy to brainwash them, because they’re so common. society itself can remain in power because the ISF J’s of their te tricksters will actually defend the social norms of society itself, even though those social norms are oppressive, and enslaving of all of the citizens of society itself.
And those social harms are also harming the personal happiness of the men and women who are the ISFJs of society. It is completely and utterly effed up, it is literally one of the biggest problems of society. And if we could just get ISFJs to like, really think about what it is they’re doing, about, you know, their ego investments and where they actually got their ego investments, and how those ego investments were actually formed. All the better.
Now, I have an ISFJ in my life, major friend of mine real close to this person, and he had me read illusions by Richard Bach, and I realized that this book, is probably the most important book for any ISFJ to read, because that book ultimately becomes a catalyst from which an INFJ can let go of their ego investments, especially their societal influence, societal planted, societal groan, or even sure A grown, church planted ego investments that they have ego investments that do nothing more than harm themselves and harm the people closest to them in their entire life. This is why collectively iossef J’s in Western society are just plain on happy, okay? And they’re not anywhere close to being on happy at all, you know, oftentimes they walked the path of sorrow. And in the same way, you know, in the same way that you know, cold is nothing more than absence of heat, you can say that happy is nothing more than absence of sorrow to a point. But then again, that’s a very FYI trickster point of view.
Not entirely sure, I 100% agree with that, I’d imagine that an FBI hero or an FBI child would disagree. And you know, if you guys disagree with that, I’m okay with that disagreement, I’ll be happy to accept that, I just wanted to share that FYI, trickster ism, real quick. So given these challenges relating to iossef, J’s, having a sexual relationship with an INFJ, or loving an INFJ, can actually become a huge obstacle, it could become a problem, it can become very difficult, from a societal point of view, very, very difficult. 26:24 And, or just or not even just from a societal point of view, but like, from any point of view, like within the context of Washington society, it can be difficult because they’re carrying this there, they are the culture carriers of oppression, they are the culture, like they are, they are the agents of the matrix, the matrix that destroys them, and that enslaves them.
But they themselves are the agents, and the protectors of the social norms, and getting an INFJ to let go, their ego investments or social norms is very, very frustrating. And it can be extremely frustrating when you actually consider when you actually, for example, consider what’s happening on a societal level, and consider what’s happening within your own sexual relationship with an ISFJ, it’d be a huge problem, a major problem, because, you know, oftentimes, you know, when people get into relationships, they can have competing value sets. And for me, like, if I’m in a relationship with a woman, I don’t really care what she believes, I don’t really care, even what she does for work or what her career is, it just doesn’t matter to me, what I what I care about is my belief system. And ultimately, you know, as women go, you know, where men lead women follow.
And, you know, eventually they’ll end up adopting my belief system, whether they’re consciously aware of it or not, that’s just how women are, you know, this is, you know, because Because don’t forget, like women were made for men, not the other way around. So ultimately, where men lead women follow, that’s just, that’s just reality, especially like, when you look at the upcoming war, you look at the upcoming famine, that’s just around the corner, women are going to be you know, definitely in droves going back to those beta men for the first time. And many, many, many decades. And it’s going to like ultimately cause cultural upheaval, with a current, you know, social order that we have within culture, but it’s especially going to be hyper pronounced within ISFJ relationships.
Because that’s the thing. You know, if you’re going to observe, rule, one of the eight rules for loving iossef, jays, you yourself are going to have to be ready to compete with these ego investments that they have. Because you know, it’s funny, you know, that they’re not, oftentimes, they’re not even conscious of these ego investments, per se. And because of that lack of consciousness, because the reason why is they live in the past so much, they don’t live in the moment.
So they’re not and even though they’re super big and concrete. Well, guess what, they’re still part of the heart temple and the heart Temple is an abstract temple. So iossef J’s end up having these deep relationships, mental relationships with the grand abstract, especially the grand abstract of introverted intuition. If you want to learn more about temples, please watch season 18 congra mechanics or watch the new deadly sins, a series that we’re going through right now, in the members area.
The Deadly Sins series is mega important because it literally is the building blocks of what is going to become our version of the INIA gram. Okay, and it’s going to be out and available. It will be available in Bucha. And everyone will, you know, have the Enneagram and access to our version of Enneagram which its whole primary purpose is to identify somebody’s car I’m going to focus.
That’s the entire point of our version of the Enneagram. Which then again, it’s technically the entire point of the existing Enneagram. Now, but it’s just It’s incomplete. The, the Enneagram is incomplete because it just is completely unaware of point of origin.
Were the test, if you take our tests, you can identify point of origin, and then you can ignore four of the 16 spokes. And then you can find your way on our version of the Enneagram. Because the Enneagram, morphs over time, based on who is actually using the INIA gram. And based on their identity, their type, their nature, their nature changes the INIA gram itself, and how the INIA gram should actually be taken.
Or, you know, or utilized, I guess. So yeah, um, but here’s the thing, though, you have to understand that the ego investments of the INFJ archetype men or women does something for ISF J’s. And what those ego investments provide iossef J’s is nothing more than safety, they find safety in their ego investments. And if those ego investments are not there, or if they’re being torn down, they start to feel on safe.
And this is really difficult for ISFJs in sexual relationships, because they feel unsafe very easily. And as a result of feeling unsafe, easily, they end up running away, they end up running away, and then also judging you, as well. So they run and judge run and judge run and judge run in judge and it just becomes this endless cycle of running away and judging so that they never even give themselves the opportunity to change their ego investments, which inhibits their own personal growth as a person due to the hubris of their s Introverted Sensing hero, their hero function, because they maintain that their ego investments should always make them safe, because they always want to believe with their te trickster, that they can live in a safe society and live in a safe world. Which is bullshit.
That’s them actually lying to themselves, because the world is nothing more than the survival of the fittest, the affiliative, which iossef j’s are affiliative and their desire to be interdependent to be on a team and do the right thing. The affiliative itself is nothing more than an artificial construct an artificial buffer between to protect humans from survival of the fittest, basically. And there’s nothing that makes an ISFJ more terrified than a society based on survival of the fittest, because they are afraid that they’re not strong enough afraid that they’re weak or afraid that they are not fit enough. And that too, can become a problem.
Right. So when you’re observing the first rule, the of the eight rules for love for iossef J’s Rule number one is effectively this, make them always feel safe. And that includes even when you’re attempting to tear down their bullshit ego investments, and also when you’re observing them lying to themselves. And it makes it really hard because they got that ti child stubbornness too.
So they’re mega stubborn with their ego investments, because they know that they have the majority of society’s Social viewpoint, actually supporting them. And their ego investments, enabling them they’re being enabled, and disabling their ego investments will ultimately scare them. So that’s rule number one. Always make your ISFJ feel safe, but understand that by making them feel safe, it may come with a cost.
And that cost would be you might have to indulge their bullshit ego investments, especially there’s social societal ones, that can be a major issue for you personally, and for them. Now, luckily, they’re strong enough for their si hero to be able to take that hit, if you’re going to provide challenge to their own personal experience. The problem is, is that while they have a lot of personal experience, they can remember just about everything within their life. They don’t know how to properly categorize those experiences because of extroverted thinking trickster, and that can suck for them, because they don’t know whether or not those experience should be categorized as abuse, for example, or if they should be or Oh, I was taken advantage of your or society took advantage of me or my family took advantage of me or my church took advantage of me.
They have a really, really hard time classifying and labeling and judging their personal experiences in a proper way. They really don’t They just they just don’t get it. And that’s why you know, the person that they’re in a sexual relationship with needs to figure that out for them. This is this is more of a rule seven thing, which we’ll get back into.
But But yeah, yeah, rule number one is make sure that you make them feel safe. But when attacking or potentially challenging their ego investments, do it in such a way that would make them feel safe. And I recommend using euphemisms, don’t forget that their golden pair is an ESFP. And that ESFP is going to be like, Hey, I’m just going to compare what all these people are doing and society comparing you to them.
Are you sure your behavior matches? 35:42 Are you sure? Are you sure your ego investments aren’t the problem? Are you sure you’re not brainwashed, basically. And they you do it in terms of using examples that are not really reflective on the ISFJs behavior, it’s like, when you’re talking to an ISFJ, with their si hero to make them safe, you can challenge their ego investment, without directly telling them that they’re the problem, you can just show them how somebody else’s the problem, who would actually directly compare to them. And then if you compare them to that person, per se, then they’ll start to understand, and they won’t necessarily take it personally. That’s really, the whole point of rule one, remind yourself consistently that iossef J’s will always take what you say personally, at least the weaker ones, the older they get they do it they do this less, of course, but the younger they are, they’re going to take what you say personally, especially ISFJ.
Women, they’re very sensitive, very, a lot more sensitive than the men, and they will absolutely take what you say, personally. So I recommend making it about about somebody else, so that they can feel safe. And then they realize on their own Oh, yeah, maybe I really was being abused. Maybe I’m being abused by society, maybe it’s okay to be more of a free thinker, instead of going across with the crowd.
Maybe that’s okay. So that’s rule number one, always make them feel safe. And if you really want to, you know, so I’ll just I’ll just say that for subsequent rules, the next part. So the second rule is, is that extra fuel feeling parent is kind of interesting.
And similar to what we were talking about in the last episode for iossef, J’s, you know, it’s not good enough for you just to say, Hey, I like you and be direct about it. Like, they need familiarity. They need to generate familiarity. And that’s another thing that si hero needs, it’s part of like that safety factor of providing them safety whenever possible, and you being safe, so that they always feel safe.
It’s also a way to do it also is through familiarity. And one of the ways to do it is do it from a social point of view, promote an environment of familiarity, social familiarity with their extroverted feeling parent, because if they’re not familiar with you, they’re not going to accept you by default. And you want to get to a point where you’re gonna be in a relationship with them, the ISFJ has to get to a point where they’re accepting it because extroverted feeling is the acceptance function, it’s just really hard for an ISFJ to to accept you because what they need is your FY to basically be like, okay, yeah, I like you, I accept you. But the iossef J’s can be like, Okay, well, what’s your angle? Why is that because they’re actually feeling parent is very pessimistic, it’s pessimistic.
So it’s like, why, why are you accepting me? Why do you like me? Why did I do to earn that? That’s thema ISFJs. Like they really just like INFJs, they all have to learn that there’s no such thing as earning love. There’s no such thing as earning respect. That’s, that’s bullshit.
That’s a lie. You could be an INFJ, who’s loyal to somebody for 20 years, and be completely unaware with your te trickster that they’ve actually been abusing you the entire time. And you’re trying to win over their love. You’re trying to win over their respect, et cetera, you’re trying to earn it.
But even after 20 years of hard work, that person still has the choice to decide to not love you anyway, to not respect you anyway. So why are you going to bother that and this is one of the reasons why iossef J’s go out of the way to covert contract people. Because like ESF J’s do like, like all crusaders do, but especially you know, SF J’s. It’s like, Hey, I’ve done all these great things for you, you owe me and then like their ESFP shadow will just arbitrarily decide that you owe them.
Right. That kind of gets into Rule five a little bit. So but yeah, like Rule number two is, is always make sure that you’re allowing the ISFJ to become more familiar with you instead of just like, don’t just directly go to and be like, hey, you know, I accept you, I like you, you have to add an air of familiarity so that their Fe parent is more likely to accept you. And then if you are, if you do accept them, you better be ready with reasons why or examples of things that they’ve done for you in the past.
So that they know Okay, yeah, that’s why I accepted me, that’s great. Because no ISFJ can accept being accepted by default. You know, even if it’s an ISFJ woman who’s smoking hot, and you’re going up to her, and your initiatives are, oh, I like you, I accept you. They’re like, Well, I’m not familiar with you.
And you’re not familiar with me. So, you know, I don’t believe you, I can’t accept what you’re saying. Because you could be lying to me, you could be trying to social engineer me, you could be manipulating me right now. And that’s what the FE parent does, it’s supposed to prevent them from being manipulated.
Because as soon as an INFJ is loyal to someone, they are locked in, and they are walked in indefinitely, in the same way. And I hero of an INFJ, or an INTJ, they have this problem to where it’s like, as soon as they you know, as soon as they latch on, they just can’t let go. And it’s, it’s no different with SI hero. You know, these introverted perceiving heroes, they just can’t let go.
And it takes so much for them to let go. And they take so much abuse, or deal out so much abuse, or in some cases feel entitled to being an abuser themselves, because of how much abuse they’ve taken. Because, you know, it’s only fair. Right? And you know, and that’s, and that’s a thing, like, you know, you they really, really, really care about.
They really care about what’s fair, and that’s another aspect of Extraverted Feeling. Feeling parent. But yeah, it’s all about. It’s all about familiarity.
But fair, or justified, familiarity. That’s, that’s rule number two, basically, rule number three is pretty simple. Always listen to the iossef J, it’s kind of no different than the INFJ. But 42:24 the thing is, though, is that you have to practice active listening, but don’t just like listen to them.
By default, I noticed sometimes like FPS, and they start listening, they look like they’re listening, even though they’re not, they’re actually like tuning them out. But iossef J’s, because they’re systematic. And because they’ve experienced so many people over time, they can actually detect that faster than any other type, basically, when they so they can really, really tell when they’re not being listened to. And then that’ll just actually cause their si hero to become more bitter towards you later.
And that could actually create a thing of disloyalty, especially when the SI here was cognitive looping with a TI child, it can actually create an engine of disloyalty over time. So you’re going to be wanting to go out of your way to listen to that ti child, even if you think they are wrong, and allow them to finish their entire thought. Promise, though, like, I mean, like, I have an ISFJ mother and an INFJ mother in law. And both of them love talking over me both of them love ti child and me and my TI parents just like oh my god, please stop.
It doesn’t help. Like you get it. And sometimes they come off like okay, yeah, you know, I need everyone else to listen to me, but I’m not gonna listen, anyone kind of like what a TI inferior would do. But with them, it’s a little bit different.
They’re trying to use their ti child in a way, where it’s like, Hey, I’m smart. And because I’m smart, you should listen to me. But that makes me more desirable. I’ve put in a lot of effort into, you know, thinking here.
So really, it just comes down to respect the effort of their thinking. But if they are thinking with a false premise, it’s your job to remove the false premise and solve the correct premise. So they can think about things properly, which is what an extroverted thinker is going to naturally do for an INFJ. But if you’re like an ESTP, that pedagogue relationship with an INFJ Oh, my goodness, you as the ESF P have to understand that you are the expert thinker within the context of relationship, or else that ti child is going to get completely, completely wrong and on the wrong path.
And then as a result of that, they’re going to end up developing some really, really bad habits, which will create burdens for you the ESTP later, you always got to make sure that you’re slightly guiding the thinking of that ti child that way, you know, it makes them listenable. It really makes them listenable. So, rule number three is provide guidance to their thinking by making sure and verifying They don’t have a false premise, you know, for which they’re thinking upon make sure that their foundation of thinking is accurate. And then once doing that, make sure you listen to them after the fact, the one, the fastest way to make an INFJ bitter towards you is to just dismiss them.
And don’t be dismissive. Just don’t just don’t do it very similar to INFJs. Although an INFJ can take the hits after a while, but then they become bitter once a pattern of behavior has been established a pattern of behaviors, like three instances in a row, and then they’re just pissed at you. And it’s going to take a lot, it’s gonna take so much more effort, even potentially, over the years to, you know, not have it because that that behavior would just be stuck on the scoreboard, basically.
So make sure you just listen to them, even if they’re wrong. But if you’re having a hard time listening to them, even though the wrong well, it’s probably because you allow them to start thinking based on a false premise to begin with. If you want their thinking, the more accurate we helpful with you make sure that their initial premise is actually accurate. Rule number four, always go out of your way to help the ISFJ become more desirable.
And, you know, obviously, I could say like the ISTJ, you know, just make them feel wanted. But the thing is, though, is that making an INFJ feel wanted, is not really going to do as much because they have the expert feeling parents in the way with him, them being pessimistic, and they’re very outcome oriented, they’re going to use their expert intuition in a relationship to look at what the actual outcome is going to be. And the outcome is that they’re always aware of is that they’re not always going, you may not always want them. So instead, what you have to do is like to guarantee or make them comfortable knowing that when they look into the future and see the outcome of your relationship with them, you really want to go out of your way to recognize their effort, or at least encourage them to put in more effort so that they become more desirable, because it’s not enough to tell an ISFJ that you want them, it really isn’t, it wouldn’t be enough, like for an ISTJ.
Because they’ll just drop their pants right there. I mean, holy smokes, that ePHI child really likes it. But Fe parent is just like, No, that’s not going to work. So you end up having to do is pointing out what actually makes them desirable.
And then also challenge them to put in more effort that you know, or that you could prove to them or show to them or recommend to them, that would make them more desirable. It’s not good enough to say, hey, I want you they need to be their own personal culture carrier their own personal brand as it were, so that they themselves can have their own confidence and being desirable, and you treat them as if they are desirable, it’s not enough to just make them feel warranted. It’s all about making sure that you are supporting their ability and their capability and their effort and make sure that their efforts be in the right place. That would make them more desirable, not just to you, but to, but to anyone.
And oftentimes extroverted sensors, especially se heroes, and se child, when it comes to iossef J’s, they consistently make the mistake here. They consistently violate rule four, because they’re all They’re all jealous as the heroes as a child, they love them some jealousy. And because of that jealousy, oftentimes, they will actually sabotage the desirability of their ISFJ mate, because they don’t want their ISFJ to be as desirable to other people, because they’re afraid other people will steal their ISFJ from them. That is incorrect.
That is abusive. If you’re an ISFJ, you have an SE child and se hero in your life doing that to you get away from them, they are destroying your happiness. They don’t actually care about you. They don’t actually love you.
All right, it is the job of the partner or the spouse of an ISFJ to go out of their way to do anything that would make the ISF JP more desirable, not just to them, but to everyone. I mean, look at it from my perspective. I’m not going to take a woman out in public, unless I’m proud of her unless every man wants her. That’s just how it is.
If she’s not desirable to everyone, then I’m not interested in take her out in public with me, right? It’s no different with iossef J’s they need to be desirable to everyone and everything. Oftentimes iossef J’s feel sad that no one invites them to things. Well, it’s your job as their partner to help them become inviolable. You see what I’m saying? Make them and help them get to a point where they You are desirable, help your ISFJ be calm, desirable, I cannot stress that.
And it’s not just to you, it’s to everyone. All right, it’s super, super important. And, you know, rule number five, rule number five can be a little complex. I mean, it’s based on an expert sensing nemesis, they worry about how they’re coming off to other people, they worry about the physical environment, they worry that they’re going to smell bad, that they’re gonna give someone a bad experience, they’re gonna, they’re gonna worry that their performance is crap.
Now, but here’s the thing, they have that Fe parent there, so that their performance actually is crap, you have to be honest, to tell them that their performance is crap. You just have to you have to be willing to do that for them. If you’re not willing to be honest in that way, they’re never going to trust you and iossef J’s remember, they have to feel safe. That’s rule number one.
And trust is an aspect of them feeling safe, et cetera. But the thing is, is that if you’re not honest with them about their performance, positive or negative, that’s a serious problem. Because like iossef, J men, even they have their Bros and the bros are telling them, Hey, you’re performing really well. But you’re, this is such a man’s woman, and you’re complaining about his performance when everyone else in his life has taught him that he’s performing? Well, that’s a huge problem.
And that’s going to actually lead to via cognitive orbit, a lack of loyalty and your direction as a woman. So he’s not going to be as loyal to you as a result. You know, and also, you know, there’s 51:31 other things too, like, you know, you know, if a woman is talking to her for her girlfriends, which is, you know, and they’re telling her that she’s performing well as a woman, and potentially enabling or gaslighting her into thinking great things about her performance, even though us or man disagree with them, she’s still more than likely you’re going to listen to her friends venue, you have to be aware of this. So rule number five is be honest about their personal performance all the time.
And this includes the good things, not just the negative things. If they’re performing well in an area, tell them inform them, make sure they are aware of how they’re measuring up in your eyes in terms of their performance, because they’re already so very worried about it. And it can cause a lot of stress on their si hero, it can even lead to bitterness and their si hero, you really need to be providing that positive reinforcement and aspect of recognition for good behavior and good performance. And if they’re performing badly, say something, it’s really, really important that you are the one who was initiating communication about their performance on a regular basis.
If you’re not going to do that, you’re not being loving to your ISFJ at all, and then just deciding to not say anything, especially like what ESTP is due to their iossef J’s on a consistent basis. They just don’t say anything. Because ti parents have this problem where they literally think everyone else is aware of what they are thinking. And as much as ti inferiors do, it really sucks.
Welcome to TI pessimism. It’s, it’s it’s one of the hang ups in the weaknesses of TI pessimism. It’s annoying, no one likes it. You know what I’m saying? So like, be aware of that.
It’s, it’s a, it’s a huge deal. It’s, it’s gross. It’s not. It’s not like it’s not, it’s not happy.
It doesn’t make anyone feel good. Especially iossef J’s. All right, rule six, which is attach their F fi critic, if I critic already has a hard time valuing itself. And this is an area where you really need to go out of your way to show righteous appreciation for your ISFJ meaning like if they really like it’s kind of like the performance of they do a good job, obviously, you know, see that, but it’s not that it’s a little bit different.
It’s more like special treatment. iossef, J’s, to the people who are closest to them, provided their Fe parent is properly developed. And they’re not treating everybody the same in their life. But the people that are closer than the people that they’re most loyal to.
Their FYI critic is going to put those other people above them to the point where their FYI critic gives them consistent amount of special treatment. And this is one of the reasons why ISFJs covert contract people because they know with their ti child and their si hero memory, all of the times that they’ve given other people special treatment, but then they are receiving less special treatment than other people. And they’re IE, that, that you know, from you, they give you all the special treatment that we’re all but you don’t give them that much. And it causes their ESFP shadow to get really really jaded and then they end because of the bitterness that’s forming within their si hero.
That can be a problem. So it’s not enough to show appreciation And to the FYI critic within the ISFJ, which is what you would do naturally to the fi critic in the INFJ. It’s not enough, you have to go a little bit further with it. And you have to be like, you have to know, I literally just like derailed myself just know, lame, that’s pretty lame.
It’s not enough to show appreciation, you have to put in more effort, it’s, it’s all about special treatment, you have to make sure that you are taking concrete action to make sure that they know that you’re giving them special treatment above other people. And this could be everyone especially like if you’re a sexual relationship with them, you need to be giving them special treatment. And this is one of the biggest hang ups of the pedagogue relationship with iossef. J’s, if they’re like with an ESTP, because the ESTP FYI, crit or FYI trickster has a very hard time giving special treatment to the iossef J, and the INFJ ends up becoming starved for special treatment.
And if that iossef J meets member the opposite sex, that ends up giving them more special treatment, then their partner Oh crap, it’s gonna create disloyalty. While the ISF J has the capacity to be the most loyal of all the types, highest F J’s can be total hoes in that area when it comes to being disloyal. And it really comes down to who is giving them the most special treatment. And if you’re having a sexual relationship with an ISFJ, and you are not the number one source of special treatment in their life, you’re going to screw yourself.
This is one of the areas that my is that my ESTP mentor. years ago, Mr. Robert Bryant, he told me how ISFJs were some of the biggest hoes out of women out there. But really, he was just projecting his inability or lack of capability of giving proper special treatment to his ISFJ woman and he’s had many ISFJ women in his life.
I mean, when I was with him for like a year, he had an ISFJ woman staying with him. And I maintain they had a sexual relationship. But he would routinely treat other people either the same or give more special treatment to other people over her. And then she became bitter and jaded.
And then that just blew up in his face. And he starts making judgments like that, when the reality of the situation is he was just projecting that onto other people. The thing is, folks is because they are extroverted feeling parent, they are extroverted sensing nemesis, and they are outcome focused, these ISTJ are these iossef J’s they live or die by special treatment. And the only way to get them to feel good about themselves is you giving them constant special treatment above other people.
That’s the only way it’s going to work. That’s it. That’s that’s the only way. But if you’re not going to give them special treatment.
And no, that’s not to say that ISFJs out there are entitled to special treatment. They know they’re not FYI, Kritik already knows that. But they’re ESFP. If they get ESFP, shatter focus, sometimes they can behave like that.
But they’ll get that way because you aren’t following rule five and being honest with them about their performance. So you that’s also kind of how you’re setting them up for failure. And when you set up an ISFJ for failure, their INTJ super ego will come out and kick your ass because I have such as super ego absolutely hates being set up for failure. So if you’re not able to give them special treatment, because they’re kind of lacking the special treatment area, maybe they’re treating everybody else the same, instead of giving you special treatment that you think that you want or that you need from them.
Okay, yeah, that can be a major problem. But that’s happening because you’re not they’re criticizing their performance. And they already criticize their performance, but they just need to know where they stand. They need to know where you stand.
Why are you not communicating with them? You have to, which is rule seven, always over communicate with your iossef J, they have Extraverted Thinking trickster, they have no idea what’s in your head. How do you think they can navigate a relationship without someone wanting to communicate with them? It’s literally impossible. You have to make sure that you are over communicating with the ISFJ especially because they already feel like they don’t deserve special treatment. So you may as well overwhelm them with concrete action with special treatment and over communicate with them because then by over communicating, they actually feel important, which is super like that’s that’s a big, big issue.
It’s actually how you can get there FYI Craig to realize that they’re actually valuable. Well, you have to overcome indicate, always over communicate, never assume that they actually know what’s happening or what’s going on, tell them anyway. Tell them anyway, it’s kind of how they are with people anyway, because they’ll start sharing what they think, even though they have no clue that everyone else has already thought of it. Over communicate, because they’re already trying to over communicate with you.
And in fact, that’s actually one of the ways that they’re giving you special treatment is by over communicating with you. Because it’s a need they have they’re projecting that need onto you. Why aren’t you doing this over communicate, always over communicate with your ISFJ. For best results in relationship, I cannot stress that enough.
I can’t. And then the final rule their demon. Help your ISFJ learn how to take calculated risks. And really, the only way they’re going to do that is if you perform those risks with them.
1:01:03 Initiate a risk and take them along the ride with the risks with their interest sensing hero ends up learning that they’re strong enough to take risks, because they’re interdependent, they want to have felt they’ll be loved to be having a shared experience with you a shared risk with you, especially if you’re an SE user have a shared risk with them. So they become accustomed to taking risks. So they’re more likely to take risks on their own, which then will help develop their Inferior function even more, they won’t be as afraid of consequences, they’ll have more faith, which means there’ll be more loyalty you they’ll be stronger, they’ll give you more special treatment, they’ll do anything you want, literally anything you want. And they will get it for you, even if it’s a risky thing, because you had shared risks with them.
And you and you made them that priority. Okay, you have to do this, if you don’t do this, you are stunting their growth, and you are actually inhibiting your own happiness, because they’re just going to remain vanilla the rest of their life, because they’re always gonna be playing it safe. And let me tell you, there is nothing more boring and more worthless than an ISFJ, who plays it safe. If Be quiet, Siri, I don’t want your crap right now.
By Siri, God, I turned her off. And for some reason, she still thinks she can talk to me while I’m lecturing. I don’t know why. So anyway, understand shared risk, they need to take sure that so you take them through shared risks.
This could be stuff, this could be rock climbing, this could be driving fast. This could be I don’t know, shooting guns, who knows, any type of physical shared risk, so that they realize just how strong they actually are. And then they’re willing to take more risks on their own. They’re already obsessed with safety.
So they’re going to be safe about when they take those risks. But that’s really how it works. I mean, this is literally how I see heroes get into iossef J pants all the time, because of shared risk. But eventually, you got to do it so much, that it’s just insane pattern behavior, where the ISFP at that point, is able to take that shared risk, because without our Take, take that risk on their own.
Because if they’re not willing to take risks, and they’ll always play it safe, they will always be weak. And when you need to rely on them, they’ll be entirely unreliable. And that’s a way another way that you will be setting them up for failure. And they will feed you to their INTJ super ego, or they will literally strategize and plan ways to harm you.
That sucks. They won’t even stick around, they’ll just stop wanting you and go elsewhere. And they’ll take their loyalty and they’ll take their attention and they will go elsewhere. Is that really what you want when you’re in a relationship with an INFJ? Is that really what you’re going for? Is that really your goal? Your might want to think about that you might want to consider that most people are not aware of that consideration.
So yeah, folks. Rule number one, please make it about their safety. Don’t make them feel unsafe. Basically.
Rule number two is always make them more familiar with you are familiar with anything, increase their familiarity, and it’s not just good enough to say who I like you they have to be already familiar with you. Familiarity is everything. And then rule number three, always, always listen to them. You know that’s important.
Rule number four, make them more desirable, help them support them to become more desirable. rule number five, always tell them how they are performing positive or negative. Really important. Rule number six, give them special treatment rule number seven, over communicate.
And rule number eight. Take risks with them. So they are familiar comfortable enough to take risks on their own. All of these things need to be accomplished for loving an ISFJ and that is how you love an AI es F j archetype, man or woman doesn’t matter.
Follow these eight rules and I promise you success within the context of your sexual relationship with an ISFJ na. These rules also apply to non sexual relationships if you have an ISFJ in your life major major mega important I can’t stress it enough. So anyway, folks, thanks for watching I hope this lecture was useful educational enlightening, please leave a comment below here on the YouTube channel. Please subscribe.
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