8 Rules for Loving an INTP | Season 27 | CS Joseph
CS Joseph discusses 8 rules for loving an INTP
00:00 Oh sorry, yeah, INTPs also known as the artists or the engineer type, INTPs do not make it very easy to be in a relationship with. The thing is, though, it’s hilarious because every intp out there thinks that they’re making it easy to be in a relationship with them. But the reality of situation is, they’re really actually not. I mean, intp men especially have to deal with the fact that a lot of women out there, especially women in Western society, and especially women that they are most compatible with, those women have a really, really hard time willing to take the risk on an intp.
Naturally, the men that they are the most compatible with also really struggle taking the similar risk, and having a relationship with an intp. Woman. We’re going to be discussing some of those risks here real quick, before we actually get into the rules, because I would like to dispel a myth, a myth that often intp is end up having within their own heads. It’s kind of like an ego investment.
And I’m really concerned, really concerned that this this ego investment ultimately, is one of the main reasons why their relationships end up in failure or never even take place to begin with. It’s like they’re setting themselves up for failure to a point. And I don’t like that. I think every one of the 16 types should have an opportunity to be in a relationship and much less a successful relationship.
I mean, the mission or the mission for this, this channel, ultimately, is to end fire lessness, which means in order to end fatherlessness, people have to have healthy relationships, it’s kind of requirement. Like obviously, the thing is, though, is that most people when they consider fatherlessness, they really make it about fathers sticking it around. Whereas they don’t actually analyze why fathers are leaving in the first place. Especially when 80% of divorces out there are initiated by women intp or not.
And regardless, it’s really important to be discussing these topics because if we don’t discuss these topics, then the finalist fatherlessness problems is going to get worse. And then we’re going to find ourselves under a big terrible curse. Now, a lot of people don’t really agree with me on that. And that’s fine, you don’t have to greet me, because I often come off like some sort of doomsday prophet.
But the particular prophecy in which I heavily buy into because I’ve talked my entire life purpose on this prophecy is Malikai chapter four, verses five and six. And the last days, I’ll send my prophet Elijah to you, He will turn the hearts of fathers to their sons and the hearts of sons, fathers, or else I will strike the land with a decree of utter destruction, or strike the land with a curse, depending who you actually talk to. And whatever biblical translation is, now, I may not be the prophet Elijah, but his mission is mine. In order to actually accomplish that masculinity has to return.
And in order for that to happen, men really just have to get to a place when it comes to relationships, because a place where they understand that they’re actually getting something out of it, because a lot of men are not actually getting much out of relationship. Most people actually just point, especially intp is an intp men, which is pointing to well, you know, isn’t sexuality the whole point? Like no, no, it’s not. I mean, it’s easy to just you can have sex with anybody, literally just go on Tinder or go on hinge go on Bumble. Doesn’t matter.
Like, you know, especially you know, if you’re an intp, you have se trickster. So, se tricksters kind of have this issue where they can kind of be in a sexual relationship with just about anybody. So it’s actually really, really easy for this particular archetype to end up having a very shallow sexual relationship with basically just about anybody and any age group. It doesn’t matter how tall or short or tall how short or or how fat and unhealthy these people are, it will just happen.
And we’ll be explaining a lot more as to why that is the case when we talk about deadly sins. In the deadly sins section of the premium lectures behind our paywall highly recommend, we got two of them done the soul temple deadly sins are done. And they’re available right now deadly sin of Wrath and the deadly sin of lust, which applies to ENFP, ISTJ, ESTP and INFJ currently, so that’s the soul temple, but in terms of the body temple, while the body temples going to have to wait, and I NTPs are a member of the body temple. And with that being said, when it comes to like body temple related issues, their main deadly sin is gluttony.
And honestly, like, gluttony ends up becoming a huge, huge problem friand TPS, and gluttony in my opinion, is probably the number one reason why it’s so hard to have a meaningful, long lasting, full fulfilling relationship with an intp I mean, for the men you have this, you have this issue where like, okay, yeah, the whole playing video games in your mother’s basement archetype or meme, basically, because that’s, that’s really what it is. It’s, it’s a meme. It’s, it’s a meme. And this meme is basically every woman’s nightmare, especially like an N TJ woman, like ENTJs, which is their golden pair, if you J women because NTJ women, especially in Western society, guess what are very career focused.
It’s a huge career related problem, a career related issue. And oftentimes, a lot of people just don’t understand you know what that means. And I’m not here to bag on career focused women. I, I am.
I mean, I totally get it Sorry, I had to set my Do Not Disturb on because if someone calls me I lose the lecture, which would really suck, like God for Apple Watch, right? 07:23 But yeah. Gluttony gets in the way. And that’s not to say that, you know, gluttony doesn’t get in the way with the women, it definitely does. It’s just the thing is, is that I am teepees, and basically, worshipping at the idol of food or the idol of video games or some particular thing.
They find themselves in the situation, we are where they are consuming more than they produce on a regular basis. And this is, in my opinion, the central issue, which ends up ruining relationships, that intp is end up having, because oftentimes, these types doesn’t matter. You know, they are given by NTJ women and TJ men, they are given ultimatums, huge, ultimatums about their relationship to the point where their relationship will end, it will end because they’re giving these ultimatums, hey, you’re gonna have to choose me or your video games, you’re gonna have to choose me or your job, you know, like, because they can even be gluttonous, with our job, etc. You know, and I NTPs end up often thinking that they’re doing, you know, this is great service, you know, they, they assume that with our TI hero, that they’re actually very easy to be in a relationship with.
But the reality situation is, is that they’re not I mean, look at Elon Musk. He works really hard, constantly chasing his purpose in life, which he has in effect become gluttonous over, not necessarily a bad thing. Gluttony can lead to great things, great things like SpaceX, you know, and Starlink, and Tesla, and bullet trains and just neuro link and all these amazing technologies that Mr. Musk has decided to take upon himself to bring to the world for which don’t get me wrong.
I’m very grateful for I’m very happy about these technologies. I am happy about what he’s doing. And definitely furthering humanity in these areas. Sure, there may be some negative consequences down the road, like, you know, hashtag conspiracy theory about potentially the Starlink system, being able to control the weather.
Then, like, you know, people like well, that’s just some big conspiracy theory. But then you realize that they’re, you know, as I was informed by an INFJ earlier today, that there’s this thing called cloud seeding, and apparently they did a report on it in the fourth grade. So the INFJ is 35 years old. So think about that.
So they were what 910 When they did that report, so that’s been around for at least 1617 years. So that could be potentially a problem. A huge potential issue. And a lot of people are just completely unaware of that problem, you know, people have been trying to, you know, do something for the weather, you know, do something to the weather or management trying to control the time.
Anyway, segue hashtag tangent, let’s get right back on track here. The point is, is that, while INTPs, are oftentimes in their life chasing their purpose, that definitely comes at the expense of their relationships. And that’s why intp relationships don’t often last. It gets worse, like, especially if you read books, like, for example, the rational male, and there’s sections within, I think Volume One and Volume Two, of the rational male, talking about, you know, male suicide, whatnot.
And intp men, in particular, are actually pretty high on the male suicide part, especially from their perspective, because it’s like, Hey, I have supported you, I have given so much to you, and you’re just walking away from me and go into some other man, etc. Well, yeah, I mean, they’re completely ignorant of women having development phase, they’re completely ignorant of women having hypergamy. And hypergamy, causes their tastes and men to actually change over time throughout their life, which is not a bad thing, it’s actually it’s a good thing and ensures the survival of the race, as well as the quality of the race, because women are ultimately the arbiters or the deciders as to you know, which DNA actually makes it along to the next generation. If you think about it, there’s more female DNA being passed down.
Nowadays, wasn’t always that way, like in the game has gone days. But nowadays, women are actually have much of a much larger legacy than men do. And, you know, intp, men in particular, very much care about legacy, because they’re part of the body temple. It’s all about what they’re leaving behind.
It’s all about what they are, in effect, creating or improving humanity, etc, which is what Elon Musk is doing. Not a bad thing. The problem is, is that the deadly sin of gluttony can lead to the intp being completely consumed in this area. Or at least it can lead them to being distracted, distracted, where, you know, an intp man is not able to fulfill a woman, his woman’s hypergamy is a sexual strategy or her nature, basically.
And this is why oftentimes, and TJ women that they typically get into relationships with are moving on from them, you know, to make matters worse, you know, their ni critic, makes it difficult to reach growth, because from their point of view, if they don’t actually have purpose in life, Oh, crap, I guess that means I’m just going to be hedonistic and intp is are extremely hedonistic, if they don’t have purpose. And you know, those career minded NTJ women out there, they’re not going to suffer that. But I mean, let’s look at the other way around. Like, what about intp? Women? You know, do you think a successful INTJ or en TJ man like John Ferner, for example, the CEO of Walmart, do you think a man of his stature and a man of his quality is going to put up with an intp wife who just let her body go, because she’s more focused on, on what, what is she focused on anything that matters, her job, oftentimes, intp women put their job above everything else, because again, purpose, they draw their sense of purpose from the job, and not their sense of purpose from their relationship with their man, which is ultimately when and teach a man will come to expect, eventually.
And that could be it could be probably could be a huge problem for a lot of relationships. But, you know, here, here we have the intp, male or female, thinking that they’re making it very easy on, you know, the people that they’re in relationships with because they see themselves as extremely supportive, you know, their mate can just do whatever they want, you have full freedom. I’m gonna stick around no matter what kind of a thing, but they’re really really emphasizing, you know, for example, intp men really, really emphasize you know, relationship equity, their relationship investment is based on the beta side of beta male traits, it says alpha male traits, in order to satisfy woman’s hypergamy a man has to be able to do both simultaneously. An intp is usually just aren’t really built to do that in Western society because they often To draw their sense of purpose, from the things that they’re consuming, like Star Trek Online, World of Warcraft, etcetera, or if they are drawing it from, let’s say, their job, right, they end up becoming the biggest workaholics ever.
And this just, it just leads so much lacking in their relationships, which causes people to ultimately no longer be interested in them. That’s really sad. It’s very, very sad, it can continue to be a huge problem. So anyone, you know, take this as a warning, you know, if you’re gonna get into a relationship with an intp, you’re going to have to often compete with their sense of purpose in life.
And, you know, the deadly sin, living virtue and the other aspects of the body temple come into play, which could actually inhibit the relationship and as much as it could enrich the relationship. That being said, it is important to make sure that you’re doing a little bit of supporting on their own, you know, it’s really hard for intp, especially intp men to realize that their extroverted sensing user mates, don’t care about their relationship equity, don’t care about their relationship investment, they really don’t care. And literally, they can walk out on the intp at that given time, even Tomasi said, you know, there’s this one intp has set himself on fire at the footsteps of the Capitol Building in Washington, DC, in a protest, basically, killing himself. Because he fought his relationship equity mattered.
This is typical for Crusaders, especially esfjs, an intp, who loves a covert contract. And they often have covert contracts with life. And those covert contracts continue to be a problem, a huge problem, 17:02 which really sucks because they actually think that they’re doing something good by being so supportive. Because they imagine, hey, if I’m extra supportive, and let them do whatever they want, that means I get to do whatever I want, I get to consume as much as I want.
So it ends up becoming this model of relationship that’s geared towards shared consumption instead of shared growth. And then all of a sudden, the intp ends up being stagnant, not going anywhere in their life not able to get over there, and I critic, not able to get over their addictions, because there is no one more addictive than an intp intp struggle with drug use intp struggle with dopamine addiction. intp is have all these insane struggles all the time. And it’s so hard for them to let go.
Because again, hedonism becomes the purpose of their life, if they’re not able to actually derive purpose in their life from any other from any other source. And it becomes, well, very frustrating, like, a huge problem. So and then, you know, the people that they’re in relationships with ESFPs with their Vainglory INTJ is that they’re vainglory, where they want people to review them, but people can’t review them, because then they look at you the intp. And they’re like, oh, yeah, gross.
That one’s going nowhere, or that was just a workaholic, that was just putting their job above you. When they actually think that because they’re working so hard, they’re actually putting you out of the job when that’s not actually what’s happening. Thank you extroverted sensing trickster for being unaware, has a really poor experience you’re giving to other people. So this presents a huge problem.
How do you actually get through this? Well, the rules for love are geared for intp is in such a way to help arm you with dealing with this particular problem. Because intp is oftentimes especially intp is in Western society where our technology is so great in our ability to consume is so enabled. The intp is oftentimes cannot get themselves out of this pit. They can’t get themselves out at all.
And it becomes a huge problem, like in leads to more fatherlessness. It leads to just them being alone. It leads them to surrendering to their deadly sin of gluttony and consumption and consuming more than they produce doesn’t matter if it’s a man or woman. They both do it.
And they put that above anyone and everyone else for the rest of your life until eventually. They’re gluttony consumes their life and they die and they die. Fat, weak, worthless and just just, they’re gross. They’re just really, really gross.
And it sucks. It really sucks. They haven’t. They haven’t achieved any actual purpose because they made consumption their purpose.
That’s what really sucks about hedonism. hedonism becomes their God, their idol that they worship. Because it’s like, hey, what’s the purpose? What’s the point of life? What’s the purpose of life, it’s not to consume, because they don’t really have anything else to live for. And that’s one of the challenges that they face on a daily basis.
And you have to understand what you’re getting into a relationship with an intp. They’re bringing all that baggage to the table. I don’t care which intp it is, it’s so engrained into their nature, that it’s something that you’re going to have to compete with. I’m not saying that being in a relationship with an intp is a bad idea.
I’m not saying that you shouldn’t give up. They’re, they’re brilliant. In fact, second most brilliant tide of us all. They they actually can.
They can be high performers, achievers, capable businessmen, women, entrepreneurs. Steve Wozniak, for example, is one of the most outstanding technologists of our time. Yet, I mean, look at the guy. Is he healthy? No, no, he’s not.
There’s so many people like them. I mean, Elon Musk? I mean, is Elon Musk, really a healthy person? Think about that? Think about that, you know, like, yeah, it’s able to accomplish all these great and amazing things. Sure. But how, how far? How far? I mean, what is it? What is it really worth, right? What is it really worth? You got, you got to think about it.
So oftentimes, their relationships or sacrifice on the altar of dopamine and consumption, and this can be a huge issue. So let’s go to the eight rules for love, big ass introduction, they’re, you know, 24 minute long introduction, because why not? This is CS Joseph talking. That’s what we do here. So this is that it’s a sad outcome.
It’s a very common outcome. But you being in a relationship with them, you might be able to get them to mimic you, if you yourself are high achiever as an INTJ. So really comes down to a couple of things, you know, most of the time intp is aren’t even accepted by people, which just allows them to not really actually derive purpose from their relationships. And as a result of that, they continue on this wheel, this endless wheel of consumption, you know, hashtag Robert Jordan, George RR Martin, and so on, and so forth.
Oh, my God, it’s a huge issue, like lightning can’t stop. For some reason. body temple, they understand that they can actually derive legacy from their relationships, right? It is actually possible. I mean, growth is really the purpose of life.
The problem is, is that they often surrender their growth, for the sake of consumption. That’s what we’re trying to avoid. Are they rules, eight rules. So obviously, their first function is Introverted Thinking hero, which can turn into a warrior over time, depending, you know, depending on where they’re at with their growth, or if they’re immature, or mature, who knows.
But here’s the thing, like, it’s not good enough to just listen to an intp. Because if an intp goes unchallenged in their life with their thinking, they will end up having an echo chamber in their own head, and that echo chamber will further support the consuming more so then producing, which can end up being, you know, that could end up causing or creating an even larger problem in terms of their level of consumption. Okay? So it’s not good enough to just listen to them, or take what they say as gospel, truth, etc. Because even ti hero can be mega prideful, and listening to the sound of his own voice, instead of actually considering what’s actually happening.
Because they have expert sensing trickster. So why would they change, they can be really comfortable. When other crap in their life, you can be completely comfortable with that. Which sucks, it sucks a lot.
You don’t want to be in a relationship with somebody like that. So really, you know, the first rule is about, you know, part of making them feel accepted just a little bit, but go up to the intp and ask them what they think. Like you have to initiate with them and ask them what they think. Because that’s like, okay, 24:56 this person values me enough to actually ask what my thought ops are.
The thing is, though is that it’s your responsibility that if you disagree with them, you tell them exactly why you disagree with them, and you give them things to think about intp is they just don’t change, you can’t really change them, you really can’t. Unless, of course, you’re providing them overwhelming evidence as to why they’re incorrect. Research facts, sources, material, shove input down their throat, you have to force the input on them, force them to hear other opinions. Otherwise, like I said, they’re just gonna walk around this big freakin echo chamber, and then they’re not actually going to grow as a person, then your relationship with them, it’s just going to fall apart.
Why would you want to be in a relationship with somebody who isn’t capable of listening, for example? Right? So to avoid that, I highly recommend, you know, yeah, ask them what they think. But then challenge what they think it’s not good enough to just take their word, do not take their word at face value. They can out there their ti hero is only based on especially with expert sensing tricks, or it is only based on what they have experienced already. What if they lack experience? What if they’ve they, they’ve experienced something, never experienced them before.
And they’re telling you something, getting a response to hear that sounds true, or that’s truthy. But it’s not actually based on fact, because they don’t, they’re not seeking out new input. So it’s your job to provide them with new input. Ask them what they think, and then challenge what they think.
Even if they are right, provide that challenge, you must challenge them even if they’re correct, because their ti hero must be sharp, every hero function has a problem, where it rests on its laurels. And especially since the intp can get pretty lazy, sometimes their si child and be stuck in their comfort zone, especially a comfort zone. That’s based on their thinking that they and the same ego investments that they’ve had the same thinking that they’ve had for so long their whole life. Do you think that’s going to change overnight? No.
So you have to constantly shower them with new input, Hey, have you considered this? Hey, did you think about this? And then ask them what they think. Okay, follow that process. That is the first rule. The second rule is, obviously, make them feel wanted, et cetera, but also help them learn how to become more desirable.
Every intp out there needs fashion advice. They really do. As much as the intp is on this channel within this community, tell me and claim that, oh, I don’t really need fashion advice. I got it all figured out? No, no, you actually don’t.
They really don’t teach them how to be more desirable to you. Okay, tell them like, yeah, I want you but I would like to be able to want you in other ways. And other capacities, and new formats, and new clothes and new environments, new, new, new new, I would like to be able to want you and these different situations, help them create a system that supports them being desirable in certain social situations, and certain environments, etc, majorly, majorly important, because, again, if you do that they’re outside of their comfort zone. And they’re not going to be so you know, all of a sudden their consumption, it’s not going to be all spent on them, their consumption is actually going to be spent on you.
Because all of a sudden, your intp husband of six years, is going to be buying a suit for the first time in his life, because you’d like to go to classy places with him and tell him, that’s exactly what you want. Here’s the thing. If you’re not going to be direct with the intp, and tell the intp type what you want, and why? Well, they’re not going to change. They’re not just going to randomly wake up one day.
And all of a sudden, they’re a different person. You have to tell them what you want. You have to tell them what they can do to become more desirable for you and ultimately more desirable to other people. Okay.
Super important. This is especially important like for example INTJ is there Vainglory. Vainglory people like to be revered right? Well, no one’s going to revere you if you’re bringing in an intp who’s got really poor fashion sense, and I’m just bagging on fashion as an example. But it’s more than fashion like skills also matter skill.
drills that are outside of just computers. Does your intp know how to fish? Do they know how to camp, you know, like, there’s more to life than just video games, there’s more to life than Elden ring, there’s more to life and World of Warcraft, okay? There’s a lot of these issues that need to be understood and maintained. And oftentimes NTPs are just not equipped. They will be motivated to get equipped, if you’re direct with them, and you are direct in telling them what you want from them.
You’re setting up an intp for failure, if you do not tell them what you specifically want. And why you have to state why. Because they may be like, Well, why do you want that, or they’ll be like, Oh, I’m just gonna dismiss that. Because the reason you want that is bsv.
And I don’t care about that, which it’s pretty lame, if you actually think about, but that if you think about it, but that is actually a risk. That is actually something that happens. You know, ti hero is great and all but they can get super dismissive, very dismissive, especially when it comes to what other people want. So it’s not good enough for you just to be direct and state what you want, you have to also state why you want it and ultimately what the outcome is going to be because you’re training your intp, on how they can be more supportive for you.
Oftentimes, I see NTJ women, for example, just expecting with their si trickster in their si demon, just expecting the intp to just know, it’s not going to work, you have to train your intp man, in some capacity, and NTJ men out there, you’re in a relationship with an intp, you need to be willing to train your hands up woman, you have a hard time with her physique, if you have a hard time with how she’s dressed, for example, or how she presents herself, etc. Call her out on it, hold her accountable. That’s the only way. That’s really the only one.
Rule number three, though, which is also probably one of the most important rules here. Forgive the really horrible background noise right now, I’m trying to get away from this. But rule number three, do not enable their comfort zone do not enable the comfort zone, it is your job to expand their horizons and to stimulate exploration that is rule three stimulate exploration, they need to be doing new things all the time. Variety is the spice of life, you need to shove that variety down their throat, take their choice away, and literally force it on them.
You need to force force variety on your intp. Like, it’s how are they going to actually even discover their life’s purpose? Why in their true passions, unless you do this for them? Like how is it even possible? Why would it even happen? Let me tell you something, it won’t happen. So, drag them around and explore. And then eventually, like their nice view, man, they’ll be like, oh, I want to explore this.
And then they’ll take you along, they’ll share exploration with you. So really well three is all about creating an environment or a relationship centered around shared exploration of new things. Because by doing so, it prevents the stagnation. It prevents them consuming more than they produce because all of a sudden they have to produce more to be able to sustain the exploration.
Exploration is absolutely key, especially if you’re writing TV doesn’t already know their life purpose. But even if they do know their life purpose, there’s still a risk that they’re gonna put that purpose above you. Keeping a ritual of variety, a ritual centered around a ritual thing, your relationship centered around new things, and exploring new things and doing things that they’ve never done before. Whether or not you’ve already got it before or not doesn’t matter.
It’s important, it’s absolutely key. Otherwise, they’ll continue to consume the things that they’ve done. An intp is very okay out of all the 16 types, doing the same thing over and over and over again for the rest of their life without changing that comfort zone. And that becoming the Number One Mind you the number one threat to your relationship with the intp make sure that you are shoving down variety down their throats so that your relationship will actually have a chance.
Okay? 34:57 Very, very important. Rule number four, be very accepting towards your intp. They’re very afraid of people not accepting them. The problem is, if you accept them too much, they’ll get used to it.
And then no one having an expectation, an unfair expectation of acceptance from you to them, this can cause a lot of problems as well, you want to avoid that, because then you’re at risk of enabling them, they have this pad habit of enabling other people in their life. And then they end up having a covert contract with the people they enable, because then they end up expecting others to enable them to enable their gluttony to enable consuming more than producing, I don’t know how many INTJ women I have coached because of their failed ICD men only for me to tell the INTJ women, hey, by the way, a reason your silver pair failed, is because you actually enabled their comfort zone, you enabled their acceptance, you’re too accepting of their behavior. And instead of withdrawing when you should have, you let it go on and on and on to the point your SI demon became better, and then went on and on and on to the point where you actually couldn’t deal with your own hypergamy anymore, and ended up cheating on your intp husband or boyfriend, etc. This is a consistent problem.
Very consistent problem. And the relationship coaching that I do, especially geared towards INTJ. Women, this probably comes up six, seven out of 10 times, because for some reason, majority of my INTJ female clients are with in relationships with intp men, mostly because they’re afraid of their freedom being taken away. And the intp has this laws a fair approach to relationships? Oh, yeah, sure, honey, you could do whatever you want, you don’t want a baby, you don’t have to have a baby, you know, you don’t want to when it’s really, you know, the INTJ is Vainglory that’s actually getting in the way of them becoming a mother, which can be a problem.
So, and I’ve seen that happen before. I mean, that’s like, my father in law’s entire life, his mother was a very abusive INTJ. And his mother ended up hating him because he would get in the way of her Vainglory basically. And she blamed him for her lacking happiness.
Oh, you ruined my body. Oh, you, you know, if it’s a horrible situation, I don’t recommend it. Not saying INTJ is a perfect thing got problems, too, you know. But beyond that, you know, like intp is like, yeah, give them acceptance, that acceptance they crave.
They’re so afraid of not being liked by other people they need to be liked. But you can’t just give it all to them. You can’t say like, okay, no matter what I accept it, you can’t do that, you have to have your own boundaries, you have to have your own self respect. So hard for NT J’s, to figure out what their boundaries actually are.
Because they have si trickster, and they have si demon. And it just ENT J’s in general, especially because ENT j’s are usually the ones who get in relationships with intp is they all have a hard time with boundaries and setting boundaries. And either they have really hard boundaries that are just ridiculous, or they don’t have any boundaries at all. So it’s important to make sure that you set a personal boundary for yourself, so that you’re not enabling your intp do not enable them.
Yes, state that you accept them, yes, state that you like them, state that you value them. But you also have to make it very clear why you value them, and show them that you would value them more, if they, you know, make themselves more desirable, if they’re putting their efforts in the right places. Or if that if they are going to consume that they’re doing shared consumption with you, that they’re exploring new things and not doing the same thing over and over and over again, I’m sorry, but if you’re like, no matter who you are, if you’re in relation with an intp variety is your responsibility until they learn to explore and bring and have a habit of bringing in more variety, more exploration within the cont within within their own life on their own, and willfully do it. The only reason while why how they would do that or even reach that conclusion is because they’ve turned it into a habit.
And the only way it’s gonna become a habit is if you do that with them and force that on them over and over and over again, rule three. The problem is, is that oftentimes they get so stuck in a comfort zone, and INTJ is especially it doesn’t matter men or women, when they’re in relationships with ITPs they’re so afraid of rejection, they end up allowing the intp to walk all over over them. And then they end up leaving the intp. And what I mean by walk all over them walking all over them by bit by stagnating, walking all over them by having a lack of variety walking all over them by not exploring new things, walk all over them by just being a stone that doesn’t change or grow within the context of their life.
That’s a huge problem. And it is consistent, it’s consistent across every intp out there, until of course, they mature enough to have a habit a healthy habit of exploration, okay? Again, do not enable them, that’s rule Forsch date that you like them, but state that you value them and make it very known, make it very plain, state why and state that you would value them more, if they would observe, you know, if you if you would observe, you know, Rule three, for example, you know, as important rule number five, I liked a little bit of a tack on for Rule number one is you’re gonna provide input to the intp, you better be well researched, you better actually be taking no shortcuts with your research, you have to be going out of your way to make sure that everything that you’re sharing with them, everything that you’re telling them is accurate, or at least well researched. They need, they’re so worried about you, it doesn’t matter what type you are, they’re so worried about you getting the wrong idea about them, or getting any wrong idea that could potentially make them really uncomfortable. Okay.
And already, they’re in a relationship with you and your to make them comfortable. But they’re just so worried that one day you’re gonna read the wrong thing, are you gonna be bringing some bad ideas into the relationship or cause problems for them as a result of improper thinking? What if you get may get paranoid, you’re getting paranoid based off of wrong information. The thing is, though, is that if you’re an NJ, you really can’t be trusting your own ideas that much when you’re in a relationship with an intp, which means, remember, all of your ideas are subject to their review. But how would they know that if you’re not even gonna bother sharing your ideas with them to begin with.
So rule number five is submit to review, submit to the intp is review of your thinking. And make sure that your thinking is backed up with research and facts and information and sources that you can share. So that they understand that at a minimum, your beliefs are based on solid research. That way, they never have to feel like they have to compete with a belief system that would ultimately make them feel unsafe, or uncomfortable.
Okay, that’s a major, major issue. I don’t know how many times I’ve coached and JS, to get them to realize it’s especially an ENFJ problem, more so than like an INTJ. Problem. ENFJ is like they end up getting this idea.
And they just run with it much to the intp chagrin. And they never even spoke to their intp about the specific idea they had, or the decisions that they’re making, you have to factor in the intp. And any decision that you make, needs to be ran by the intp review stand aka their ti hero. So you have to go to them before we make a decision, okay, and share the reasons your reasoning behind why you’re making a certain decision and figure that out.
If you’re not willing to do that, oh, you’re literally going to create this loyalty. Or they’re just going to retreat and withdraw to their comfort zone and just stay away from you. And they’re going to stagnate and they’re not going to grow anymore, which is going to frustrate you. And then you’re probably going to end up breaking up with them or leaving them or cheating on them in some capacity, even though it was actually your fault to begin with.
Don’t do that to them. It’s not fair. And they can be pretty vengeful, too. I have a nasty habit of pulling out their support structure out from under people at random to prove a point be like, Hey, you wouldn’t get anywhere in your life.
If it weren’t for me. In this area. I’m going to pull on my support and see if you can stand on your own two feet. Oh, that’s right.
You can’t 44:21 I NCBS have a very, very good habit of becoming the foundation that you walk upon within your life. Because there’s that supportive and there’s such a great problem solver, they can solve all those problems. But are you sure you can handle them withdrawing the support? Well, guess what? The fastest way that you can get them to withdraw support is if you start making decisions, without them reviewing them without without them having an opportunity to share their thoughts on decisions that you’re making. To the point where, especially if you’re a woman, you willing to submit to your intp man thinking is very important, but again, it doesn’t matter what what your gender is both, it still ends up being a problem for that te Nemesis to huge issue.
huge issue. Yeah. Rule number six, oh my god, it’s almost impossible to motivate them, I really really can’t be motivated st your job to motivate them. So don’t basically rule sixes, don’t try to motivate the intp.
Don’t give the intp choices. Just tell them what you want. Don’t don’t expect them to want anything, don’t expect them to have any drive, they’ll be driven, if they see you’re driven. And if you’re driven towards exploration, and doing new things, if you’re driven towards a variety, then all of a sudden they’re motivated because they see you are being motivated.
And then eventually, that’ll lead them to having a habit of being motivated for the sake of exploration, for the sake of finding what their purpose is in life, basically, because you are motivated. But don’t force them to make choices, don’t give your intp so many choices, just tell them what you want, it’s okay to tell them what you want. Now, if you’re a fellow si user, and you’re not really able to tell them what you want, maybe you shouldn’t be in a relationship with them. And intp is if you’re in a relationship with an ISI user, I suggest stopping that relationship poorly spent Goshi ating, with that person so that you can have a relationship with an NI user on the side.
So you can draw their flames of desire. And their wants basically, so that you yourself can be motivated in your life, all of a sudden, it’s much easier for an intp to be motivated to do things, if their lover is motivated to do things. First and foremost, gosh, the wind out here is absolutely terrible. And I’m gonna change my physical location to be able to win.
Oh, my goodness, I spot on there. I’m gonna walk very quickly to get out of the wind, which is ridiculous. So anyway, I guess that’s what I get for walking on top of the bridge, right? Because that’s what I get. So keep that.
Keep that in mind. Keep that like, stop trying to give them choices. Don’t Don’t give them choices. That’s that’s real six.
I mean, if you want to further demotivate them, shower them, and a lot of options be like, Hey, do you want it? Do you want to go here? Do you want to go there? Do you want do you want stop saying that just just don’t. Just don’t just be like, hey, I want to go over here or I want to go over here. What do you think? Do it that way, change your language appropriately. Make it very clear, make it very clear what you want.
Make it very clear, it shouldn’t. It shouldn’t be hard at all to do that. Make it very clear. No wind much better kind of hiding from the wind right now.
So yeah, rule number seven. Make sure you’re always helping them with their outward appearance. Make sure that you’re constantly helping them understand how they could be presentable to other people, and the actual rule itself, help your intp become impressive to other people and to leave a good lasting impression. They really really need this especially because they’re afraid of other people’s acceptance or in people not liking them or people not accepting them with their Extraverted Feeling inferior.
If you help them become more presentable, if you help them go out of the way to leave a really good first impression and make it a habit and objective and outcome for them to leave a good first impression with other people. People will want them people will like them, it makes them more likeable. And it just doesn’t even occur to them. You especially since you’re statistically likely in NJ in a relationship with your intp if you are not working towards that end, you are failing them and you are actually sabotaging your own relationship by inhibiting them or not helping them or training them and how they can leave a better long lasting first impression on people.
It’s mega important. It’s it’s, it’s, I can’t stress it enough because they need to understand that if they leave a good impression so that people it creates opportunities for them later. Maybe opportunities for them to consume, maybe opportunities for them to to explore opportunities that provide variety opportunities to provide better jobs for example, or meeting new people or getting additional skills or people to go camp with it doesn’t matter. They just have to learn how to give a really good first impression.
Helping them do that help them dress properly, help them talk properly. Help them learn charisma skills, like social skills soup are mega important if they’re like an intp man, buy them the rational male volume five, tell them to read it and do that all the time. Because that literally is A Man’s Guide to having basic social skills, even though most people think it’s a pickup artist, but no, it’s not. It’s a social skill book, they need to read it seriously.
It’s an intp woman, help them understand what it is to be more feminine, help them understand what it is to be a better woman basically, you know, submissive, demure, respectful, those kinds of things. Leave good first impressions on people in your life as their NJ man, for example, or if you’re like an SFP and SFP man, as well, especially, you know, SFPs like, they really want like ESF peas want other people to revere them. So they take their reputation very seriously. ISFPs are afraid that other people don’t think that they’re stupid, or don’t think that they’re good people, or that they think less of them, or that they’re talking about them behind their back? Well, they’re gonna that that’s going to be intensified if the intp is not able to give a long lasting good first impression and other people.
And yeah, I’m sure the intp would argue, oh, that’s just me being fake. Well, the reality is situation is all social interaction is a form of manipulation, which means all social interaction at its surface is technically shallow and fake to begin with. They have to learn basic social skills, okay. And the best social skill that you can help them learn is leaving a good first impression.
That’s rule seven. And rule eight, do not ask them what they value. It’ll probably take them their whole life to figure out what it is they actually value. But don’t don’t don’t even bother asking them.
Don’t ever ask an intp what they like, they want to know what you like to always share with the intp what you like, and what your priorities are. And then all of a sudden, they will have their own priorities, but their priorities will be based around your priorities. Now, this kind of sucks because for intp men, because in order to be masculine, yeah, they have to learn how to put self above tribe, they have to put their priorities above everyone else. The problem is they don’t know what their priorities are.
And they’re not going to develop priorities unless they’re around other people. The problem is, is that they’re often in their laboratory or in their basement, and they don’t have those social skills, and they’re not able to be around other people enough, and see what other people’s priorities are. So that they have a hard time cherry picking other people’s priorities, much less your priorities within the relationship. Make sure you’re constantly sharing your priorities with them, and exposing them to other people who are above them and stature, so that they can see what those people’s priorities are.
So they realize that, hey, I can be more successful, I can be more gluttonous, I can be more consumptive I can have an experience all these new things and explore more in life and gain more benefit from exploration. Because I might have more money and more talent as a result of being around people with better priorities than mine. Because they’re going to learn how to adopt those priorities. So rule number eight is, don’t ask them what their priorities are, don’t even tell them that they have to have priorities, or likes or certain things.
All you have to do is share your priorities or get people who are above them in statute to share their priorities. So the intp can learn how to adopt those priorities. And then, slowly over time, throughout their life, after they’ve developed healthy habits, the intp will figure out oh, hey, this is actually a priority. And then what few priorities they have, they’ll take those priorities with them to the grave.
And oftentimes, you’ll see that they are a priority adopter. If you are not facilitating opportunities for your intp to adopt new priorities, you are failing them, okay? You have to be there for them in this way. It’s all about exposure, they need to be exposed to new things and new people. That’s why they need social skills, unable to give a good first impression, right? 54:17 It’s super mega important.
Because here’s the here’s the situation, folks, if you don’t follow these eight rules, if you don’t follow these eight rules to the letter, you know, it’s gonna happen. They’re going to become ultimately unhappy. They’re just going to give up. Their ni critic makes it very easy for them to give up.
They’re just going to throw up their hands. They’re just going to give up they’re going to give up on life and they’re going to surrender themselves to their comfort zone. The comfort zone of hedonism the comfort zone of dopamine addiction to drug addiction to pornography, whatever they can get their hands on to increase their dopamine because hedonism or dopamine addiction, because the same thing literally becomes their life. And that’s all there is to life.
To these people there as the tricksters, completely unaware of the world around them, they just need to explore. That’s their main needs. So get them out there and explore. The thing is they gotta be willing to explore and share their explorations with someone that they love.
The thing is the horse, if you’re not meeting these rules, why are they actually going to do it? They’re going to be ill equipped. Do you think any intp man is ever going to actually learn social skills, the people, they’re supposed to learn social skills as fellow men, but if they’re stuck in their mother’s basement or in their laboratory all the time, or on the job or at work? How are they going to explore? You have to get them to a situation where they are socializing constantly to adopt proper values, to have better habits. And if you’re taking that away from them, what are they going to do, they’re just going to default to the comfort zone of hedonism, which is going to cause you to hate them. But you’re not following the eight rules, which is causing you to hate them.
So your hatred of them and you breaking up with them and you betraying them and you moving on from them. It’s actually your fault. You see what I’m saying? It’s not it’s not it’s not necessarily always their fault. Because here’s the reality situation, I NCPs.
Do you think they’re really no different? In Western society, I tell you the truth, they really don’t. They don’t know different. They think they do. But they really don’t.
And that’s a problem, folks. NTPs are often victims of their own paradigm and victims of their own minds. If you want to have a long lasting, amazing, heartfelt, passionate, fulfilling relationship with an intp you have to go out of your way to get them out of that comfort zone and expose them, expose them to new things, and get them to habitually explore new things, and especially new people in their life. If you don’t do this, you will not be fulfilled in your relationship with them, they will just withdraw from you and be hedonistic and put their hedonism above you, which will cause you to not want to be with them anymore.
When in reality, guess what? It was your fault, because you’re the one you’re the one who decided to not give them what they needed in a relationship to begin with. Because you decided to not follow the rules for both. Wow. You end up sabotaging your relationship with the intp.
Congratulations, you played yourself. Is that really how you want to live life? Is that really how you want things to go with your intp I am so tired of dealing with this situation in coaching I it happens at least oh my gosh, at least. I mean, it used to be like once a month now it’s like once every two months. Once every 60 days, I have a case like this.
And it’s just like it’s just the same thing over and over and over again. I’m like I’m an NTP. I need some variety. I mean, oh my god, like you people are continuing to repeat the same problems over and over, please stop, please stop.
Follow the eight rules for love. Please give intp is what they need. Force intp is to have what they need, so that you can actually have a fulfilling relationship with them so that you don’t break up with them. So that they end up becoming a great person, maybe even a person even greater than Elon Musk.
Even Elon Musk definitely has his hang ups for sure, you know, as an intp. But seriously, they’re brilliant. They could be contributing and supporting the world and humanity in major, major ways. Like Gene Roddenberry or Steve Wozniak.
Right? They’re also intp is Albert Einstein, he’s an intp. Look at these great men, for example. You know, there’s tons of opportunities out there, but they’re not even going to know what those opportunities are, unless you follow the eight rules. And the thing is, what’s worse, is that you’re going to not and if you don’t follow the rules, you’re setting them up for failure, they end up failing, and then you end up judging them and then you end up punishing them by breaking up with them or betraying them in relationship anyway, when in reality situation, it was all their fault.
And you wonder why they’re so vengeful towards you. after the fact. You wonder why. Look at yourself in the mirror.
Take responsibility. Don’t worry, they have to take responsibility to I mean, once they understand how these eight rules work, they’re like, Oh, crap. Yeah, you’re right. I do have a hedonism problem.
Yeah, yeah, they absolutely do. But this is how you help them deal with it. This is how you help them grow and become the man or woman that you dream them of being or what they were at first within the beginning of your relationship. go in this direction, and I promise you amazing results.
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