8 Rules for Loving an INFP | Season 27 | CS Joseph
CS Joseph discusses 8 rules for loving an INFP.
00:00 Hey what’s up ego hackers. Welcome to the season finale of eight rules for love. Today’s episode, we’re gonna be discussing the INFP archetype. I will admit that this is the second time that I have filmed this particular lecture kind of had to be necessary because the when the weather got out of control the last time but also for some reason, I was about an hour into the lecture.
And well let’s just say it stopped recording. So also, it’s pretty windy right now. So it may actually just be okay, you know, the wind is coming this way. So, shouldn’t be in the microphone, even though it’s super mega windy.
So hopefully it doesn’t bother you all that much. But if it is too much of our worst case, while we’re filming, no big deal. I’m just enjoying the sunshine, smoking a cigar right here on the edge of the lake, which probably can’t see, we could probably hear it behind you. No big deal.
So inf peas being in a relationship with them. Gosh, they’re so fascinating, aren’t they? Kind of a little hard to kind of hard to be in a relationship with them similar to iron TPS. But at least I ENFPs are affiliative and focused on doing the right thing, right? Right. So if there’s one thing you gotta understand about INFP is similar to the intp.
The intp is triple systematic, they’re always so focused on doing the best thing, or finding the best way of doing something. And this even means, like an intp, for example, thinks that there’s an actual best way in terms of approaching relationships, right? I ENFPs, however, are kind of the complete opposite. They’re triple interest. So they’re more of like, hey, what can I get out of the relationship compared to what you can get out of the relationship? Let’s make it an equal trade.
But at the same time, I still need to make sure that I’m prioritizing myself over you, just in case. And this comes out and manifests in multiple ways, in their romantic relationships, like, on an on an everyday basis, you don’t believe me? Well, you kind of need to come to know INFP is and what actually drives them a little bit more in their life. And there’s one thing that drives INFP is the most. And it’s one of the reasons why there’s so triple interest.
And that’s because that’s because, well, they’re always trying to get themselves power and put themselves in positions of power. Not many INFP is that are actually willing to admit this, but the reason why is because in their life, especially since they are part of the mind, Temple, their deadly sin is the deadly sin of sloth, for example. And what drives them, especially in that direction, in terms of their deadly sin is something known as authority. Everything an INFP does in their life, is basically to gain for themselves a position of authority, or a position of power for themselves, over themselves over their own life, but also over other people.
And if you think that this doesn’t include their sexual relationships, you’re out of your mind. You’re basically out of your mind, you don’t literally actually know what you’re talking about. I have to adjust a camera here because of the wind. So but anyway, yeah, you really, really don’t know what you’re talking about.
Or at least they don’t. Because it’s like, Hey, I’m just gonna, like make it look like I’m not really interested in power. I’m gonna make it look like I’m not actually interested in authority. So yeah.
And then in the meantime, I’m just going to fake it until I make it because I believe in manifestation I’m going to manifest power in my life because I’m just going to fake it until I make it right. I’m going to take on a form and so that I can become the form right. This is ultimately the the main motivation for inf peas in their lives. And it’s this motivation that most people just are completely unaware of.
When it comes to INFP sexual relationships, because they don’t understand And that in order for an INFP to actually be comfortable, feeling safe, feeling secure within their relationship, that basically means the INFP would have to have some kind of leverage over you. Oh, isn’t that so great? Oh, isn’t that so great? Doesn’t that make all you crusaders out there just cringe like it does to me. 05:31 I guess that makes sense why the ESTP archetype is their most natural sexual relationship as their bronze player, because he is teepees often have this mentality of take what you can give nothing back? Well, it’s more of a pirate INTJ perspective, but really, they ESTP is more like, hey, you know, let’s see what I can get away with. And sometimes that means, you know, potentially taking advantage of people, especially people that they’re in a relationship with, I mean, hey, they our last deadly sin, which comes with them objectifying people, and ESTP is definitely objectify people sexually.
And to say that they don’t objectify the INFP would be absolute BS. But the reality of the situation is that the INFP, in order to be in a relationship with that ESTP always, always has to be holding some kind of leverage over that ESTP the whole time, whether or not the ESTP is completely aware of it or not. And they’re usually not aware of it because expert intuition demon is not even aware of the consequences of their own actions. If right now, you guys are like what? See, it’s just a Why are you saying about me? What do you what are you saying about my love? What do you say about INFP is really, they can’t be in a sexual relationship or feel safe, secure, or even participate in a sexual relationship, unless they have some kind of bargaining power, unless they have some kind of leverage, unless they have some kind of authority or unless they have some kind of power over me.
Yes, folks. Yes, that is exactly what I’m telling you. That is exactly what I’m telling you. That is exactly how they work.
Make no mistake. Does that make them bad people? No, no, it doesn’t. No, it doesn’t. Here’s the situation.
All social interaction is a form of manipulation. Every relationship at some level is transactional. It can be unconditional. Not very often it is.
But you know, ESTPs, they’re like hyper transactional in their relationships. Same with INFJs. They just they just are that especially ESTP is I think he is teepees are actually a little bit worse in terms of being transactional in relationships. I guess what? So we’re NF peas, and especially inf peas, they are hyper transactional, as well.
But here’s the thing, everybody, all the 16 types are transactional. The difference is, is that the INFP, what they get out of it in terms of their relationship transactions, is power, its authority. And if they can’t have power and authority in their sexual relationship, they’re not even gonna bother. Do you know why? Because power and authority is everything an INFP actually wants, whether or not they’re actually willing to admit it or not.
That is literally the number one factor that gets them that motivates them. If they can actually get themselves out of bed. That’s literally the entire point in living. That’s the entire point.
That’s where they come from. That’s that that that’s there. It’s almost Well, it’s not exactly a life purpose. But it’s what helps drive them towards a life personal life purpose is to bring wisdom into the world and remove foolishness.
They’re there to discover the principles for success principles for higher quality of life, and then present those principles to other people in the form of wisdom so that humanity always has a future and is moving forward. The problem with that is is that oftentimes, in doing so they have to collect for themselves power, they have to collect themselves, authority, authority over their own life and authority over other people, because they realize that they can’t really stop people’s foolishness unless they’re exercising some form of power. They need power to get them access to certain knowledge in order for them to discover the recipe for success, the principles behind success their own Philosopher’s Stone, as it were, so they can train To mute the dreary bullshit of their life and bring about themselves to success. The problem is absolute power corrupts absolutely.
And eventually, they can become a corrupted format. And then instead of fulfilling their life’s purpose of bringing wisdom to the world, they end up bringing mass foolishness to the world. Like, you know, red flag laws really, mental health, do you know how easy it is to make a straw man argument and say that literally anybody has bad mental health, you could await by the way society is structured in such a way where you’re literally setting up people in Western society for having poor mental health anyway. So it’s very easy to take their firearms away from them, that protects them from their oppressive government, really.
But you know, those INFP is in power. And there’s a lot of them in Congress, for example, absolute power corrupts absolutely. Why do they, why do they want power? So much? Like what’s the point, right? Why is it so important to have in the relationships? Well, they need it in their relationships, because they’re trying to have power everywhere else in their life. But if they don’t have power, if they don’t have authority within the context of their own sexual relationship, then if they can’t have it, they’re like, because because you think if they have no power outside of, you know, their own roof, then they have to have some kind of power.
You know, and power is more of like a men type of thing. But here’s the thing, influence in terms of the INFP woman, well guess what influence is a form of power, it’s still a form of authority. Okay. So that’s kind of how INFP females work.
INFP males work, but it’s still power. It’s still the same thing. There’s no difference people I don’t care if you pull out a dictionary right now. One is overt one is covert.
But guess what the INFP overall is still pretty covert as it is. They don’t want to be exposed. They don’t want people to know that they’re power hungry, authority, hungry, authoritarian. They don’t want that.
Because they’re aware of the social stigma. They worry about the social stigma with their extroverted feeling, Nemesis. Worry about all the time. Well, what is the true definition of power? Power is a person’s ability to change, like real power, true power is a person’s ability or authority over their own life to change the circumstances of their life on a whim.
That’s what power actually is. That’s what it is. That’s what it means. That’s what it’s for.
And I NFPs they need it. They need it. Do you know why they need it, folks? You know why they need power authority. It’s actually it’s also a need not just a wine, they need it because they’re wallflowers oftentimes, they don’t engage with people.
People overlook them, people don’t even notice them. They’re not noticed because of their trickster function naturally. That can cause a lot of problems. That’s why they’re not noticed.
So if they’re not even notice, like, how are people ever going to respect them their te inferior needs respect, right? They need respect. And the only way that and they’re so outcome focused, remember, inf peas are triple outcome. They’re not even like, they’re literally that person that’s like, hey, I need to go buy something at the store. They will call ahead, or they’ll go on to their phones and look like if let’s say they’re going to Target or Walmart, and they go on the app.
And they find out if what they want is actually in stock or what they need is actually in stock because they’re not going to bother leaving their home, unless there’s a guaranteed outcome, that they’re going to go get it. If they have authority. That means they have a guaranteed position of power that allows them to change their life circumstances on a whim, because I can change the life circumstances of other people on a whim. Right? That way, people are in effect, forced to respect them.
It’s what their ISTP super ego is all about forcing other people to respect them. Because from their position, I worked hard. I earned this. I earned this I earned this power.
I campaigned for it. I earned it. I got educated for it. And that’s why they’re off.
Some politicians, for example. That’s why they’re, you’re running board of directors, the CEO of bulletproof coffee right now he is an INFP. I can’t stand the guy, but he’s an INFP. And he’s trying to do his best.
I get it. He fails consistently. 15:22 Because if you always you’ve always done you always get with you always had, he’s a very slothful dude. Right? We’ll talk more about that sloth is the deadly sin of inf peas.
But yes, that’s ultimately what’s going on. That is what inf peas do. And if you don’t understand that, if you can’t accept their needs to be respected, there needs to be regarded their, like their need to have power and authority in their life. Because no one is ever going to give an INFP especially an INFP.
Man, in this day and age, the time of day, we look at Robert Greene. He’s the most successful INFP in the history of the world, in my opinion. And I mean, do you think he do you think he’s real cash? Do you think he can get all the girls think about it? Think about it. Yeah, he’s flaming rich.
That’s for sure. I just invented flaming rich, because why not? Why not? Why not? I can I can do that. Right? 16:28 He’s rich. No, here’s the wind again.
Hopefully, he doesn’t bother this. But the point is, is that like, you guys just got to understand. 16:41 If you’re not willing to accept an INFP is power seeking authority seeking behavior. And in their in their relationship, if you’re not willing to allow them to have some kind of leverage within the relationship, you’re never going to have a good relationship with them.
Like, you’re just going to have to accept it, you’re just going to have to figure that out. But you know, what’s fascinating ESTPs they’re okay with it. Nf J’s, they’re okay with it, you know, their golden pair and their bronze pair, which are like the highest compatibilities for them, even their pedagogue. The E and TJ is okay with it.
Because even the E and TJ, as their pedagogue recognizes that they need power as well. And they can go to the INFP, who will effectively becomes a power broker. You see what I’m saying? And no one can be a better power broker than an INFP nobody. It’s so funny watching me as TJ is thinking they can do it, they suck at it.
I NFPs however, they’re amazing at brokering power. Don’t don’t like Mark my words, you know, don’t be foolish. This is reality. Okay.
Besides, oftentimes, a lot of people need to realize that power is sexy. And that’s ultimately what INFP is realized. Their level of attraction, their level of sexiness, especially amongst INFP men who oftentimes are just visually ugly and unappealing, their sex appeal literally comes from their power, from their position, from their authority from the reputation people respecting them. Like, that’s how they do it.
That’s how they do it. So if you’re not willing to play their game, they’re not going to stick around for you, they’re not going to want you, they’re going to move on to someone else, or, at worse, they’re just going to pretend you don’t exist, take their attention to someone else. They’re an INFP. Man, they’re gonna take their attention to some other woman.
Okay? If they’re, if they’re a woman, and you’re and you’re married to an INFP, woman, she’s not going to make you a priority at all. Her top priority is going to be getting authority and power and leverage over you, in order to restore what is missing in the relationship. You’re going to be the priority until she has that so you have to kind of help her get it. So then all of a sudden, you as her man is a priority again.
That’s it. Isn’t it weird? Isn’t it funny that INFP women oftentimes get into relationships, sexual relationships with men who have power, so they can utilize their men’s power? It’s how they’re attracted to men. It all comes back down to power and authority, folks, that’s how it works for these people. You have to accept it, and you have to be okay with it.
If you can’t do that, stop being in the relationship because it will fall apart. That’s the reality. Okay. So as part of the introduction And this is what you need to understand.
Because like, I mean, it’s basically rule zero, this is the defining factor behind all of the eight rules for loving INFP is the defining factor. And trust me, given how transactional they are, I’m sure they can get unconditional eventually, especially when they get attached to you with their ni critic, and eventually, they’ll become less and less transactional in your relationship over time. But at the beginning of your relationship, like in the honeymoon phase, where it’s all about people’s wants, and not necessarily needs, it’s very transactional, when it shifts to post honeymoon phase, when the relationship is more about needs instead of once they become less transactional over time, they’ll become more attached to you as they become more comfortable, the more authority that you allow them to have the more decision making power you allow them to have the more you factor them and the more the more you respect them and show them respect and get other people to respect them, the more they will be loyal to you and attached to you, because they have that loyalty virtue, right. And you give that to them, they will be diehard loyal, and they will not be able to let go of you.
And that will be how it is for the rest of their life. This is why Okay, I have to say this. This is why I ENFPs oftentimes get into sexual relationships with ESTP. J’s, because ESP J’s want the same thing, power and authority and the INFP thinks they can get that power and authority from the ES TJ.
And then they find out later they’re actually competing for the same thing. And then the relationship falls apart. Welcome to duality. Right.
You know that saying that Socionics claims is like the best relationship for inf peas. Let me go barf there. Yeah, right. They don’t know what they’re talking about.
They don’t know. But this is literally what’s going on, folks. This is literally how they live their life. Yeah, they start off pretty transactional, because their triple outcome, they want to have that guaranteed outcome.
They want to be able to have the power to change their life circumstances, you know, the man, the men need to have that authority in their life that partner with to change their life circumstances on a whim, or an INFP woman needs a man in her life, who has that ability, and can share that ability with her and demonstrate that ability with her. So she can eventually have that ability as well that power as well. That’s it. That is the core of it.
That is the foundation of a sexual relationship with an INFP. Folks. That’s reality, right. And so ends my introduction for this lecture.
And so begins the eight rules for loving INFP is, and if the first rule of the eight rules for love, which is attached to Introverted Feeling hero, and if you’re not already aware of it, by now, I suggest you pay a little bit more attention. Because here it is. Factor in your INFP for decision making. So they feel powerful and have authority.
If you don’t factor them in, they’re going to go out of their way to seek out having leverage to seek you out for having the leverage from you. They are going to because here’s the thing, if you don’t give them power and authority, they will take it in the relationship one way or another. And then they will spend all their time and attention and resources on trying to gain leverage over you. So how about not enabling that? But how about actually sharing your authority.
And by giving them authority, giving them decision making power, factor them in to all their decisions? This is very easy. You go up to your INFP and you ask them hey, how do you feel about this? factor them in, find out what their opinion is? Ask them how they feel about it, ask them if they have a principle of success ready to go based on what it is you’re planning on doing? Before you do it, and just factor them in, factor them in to everything okay? Because if you don’t, they will instead go out of the way to get leverage over you and it will make them even more transactional. You want to reduce their transactional behavior. You want to reduce them trying to leverage power and authority over you at any time.
They’ll even borrow other people’s power and authority other people’s respect other people’s reputation, people that are not even in your relationship. and take and augment their power, make those people’s authority, their own authority and use it to screw you use it to gain leverage over you. Why do you think INFP women are vicious in family law? Think about it. Why do you think inf peas as sex partners post relationship almost always sue their former partner and take them to court.
They will use authority, they will use the system and they will use the rules to their advantage and screw you. And that is how their treachery vice comes out. They will betray you with authority, they will betray you with the rules, they will betray you with the system because you weren’t bothering to factor them in? Which is you being unloving to an INFP What the hell? 25:54 Seriously, what the hell are you doing with them? Like? Do you not understand these people? Okay, they’re really hard to understand. But once you expose what it is they’re actually trying to get out of life.
What is they’re actually trying to get, it becomes entirely easy for them to have a relationship for you with you. And for you to have a relationship with them. It’s entirely easy. It’s, it all starts with rule one, factor them in factor them.
Do you know why it’s so important because nobody factors in an INFP. People don’t even notice them. They’re like the wallflower. There’s so behind the scenes, there’s so discreet, and so discretionary, that it’s like, oh, there’s an INFP I had no idea.
So of course in their sexual relationships in their in their romantic relationships, they need that kind of relationship with somebody, they absolutely need that. Are you going to be there to give it to them? Are you going to be there to love them in the way that they need to be loved? It’s not hard. This is why this is rule number one. Yes, it’s attached to intuitive feeling hero, that sometimes folks, the hero just needs what it needs.
Okay. It really needs what it needs. And luckily, their you know, their affection relationship, which is our golden pair. So their affection type is the en FJ, their pedagogue type is the E and TJ is se child, then their natural relationship is ESTP followed by their entry, which is ESF P, for example, these top four types, they, for the most part, understand, but especially the affection and especially the natural, okay, the NF j and the ESTP.
They just get it and they always factor in their INFP. And when they don’t well, sometimes they fail, they can’t fail. Yes, that is a thing. failure happens in relationships.
But they can always go back to rule one, always factor in your INFP in literally everything. That way. You don’t have to deal with their treachery, treachery that they use to get themselves back into a position of power and authority within the relationship. Because don’t forget their triple outcome that they feel they will if they don’t have power or authority, and their relationship with their input doesn’t matter.
Are they going to be comfortable? Are they going to be loyal to you? No, the answer is no. So if you want to avoid that outcome, that’s what you do. You solve that problem that way. All right.
Rule number two, rule number two is as equally fascinating. equally fascinating. So for example, this is attached to expert intuition parent and most people think like, you know, oh, yeah, extroverted intuition parent, you know, just make them feel wanted. But here’s the problem with expert intuition parent, folks.
The problem with that is the problem ultimately, yes. It’s so pessimistic that you have to prove to them over and over and over that you want them they’re always going to be very pessimistic, there’s going to be very, what is it cynical about whether or not you actually want them? So guess what that means? Expert intuition parent is going to test you over and over and over. You want to be you want to avoid tests, especially, you know, for example, if it’s an INFP woman, and she’s shit testing you, she will shit test you. That’s what women do in general, but she’s gonna tell you why.
Because she needs to know and actually have it proven not just by words, but by concrete action that you actually want them. So for example, how does that happen? Why does that happen? Why is it happened because expert intuition parent is very aware of fair, weathered friends, fair weather people, people who look like they want them people and then then they all of a sudden just be like, Oh, I’m just gonna use the INFP for what power and authority that they have, get what I want and move on. I didn’t really want them, I just made it look like that I wanted them why? Because, you know, this is the INFP projecting on other people, because this is also how the INFP treats people. As soon as their triple interest based, right, soon as they get what they want, they withdraw their attention, and they move on part of that treachery advice.
So they don’t like it when people are using their own treachery, advice against them. So they protect themselves with a healthy or a semi healthy amount of paranoia. And they can be very paranoid. But it all just stems from the fact that you have to prove to them over and over and over, that you actually want to be in a relationship with them.
So guess what, you’re gonna have to jump through a lot of hoops? Because any normal person or any Normie that they come into contact with, do you think those people will want them enough? Do you think those people will actually care about them enough? I mean, look at Robert Greene. Is he is he is he like the most desirable Chad you’ve ever seen? Think about it, it’s pretty obvious. It’s obvious. They’re just so used to people giving up on them.
I ENFPs are very used to it. And you think their si child is down for having yet again living another situation where yet another person gives up on them? Another person takes advantage of them? Do you think they even have the patience for that, especially given the fact that the INFP is literally the most patient of the 16 types. But eventually, they shouldn’t have patients anymore, because then they start not even being able to value themselves, or even make themselves a priority? Because it’s like, wow, this person just gives up too easily. They give up on me.
So rule number two is that simple. Don’t give up on them. Don’t give up on the INFP. Even if they make you jump through hoops, even if they make you over and over and over again.
prove to them that you actually want them that like it’s really important. But here’s the thing, like words, words are not enough. You can’t just say oh, I want you because their si child would be like, Yeah, I heard that before from like everybody else in my whole life. And you’re gonna be well, how dare you, Mr.
INFP, or miss INFP. Judge me on other people based on the experiences you’ve had with other people, I my own person, here’s the thing, folks, their si child is so sensitive, that there any parents can not take that risk. 32:43 They can’t take that risk on top of without risk averse they already are with their ni critic, they’re not going to take the risk, they’re not going to take the risk, you’re just gonna have to get used to the fact that they’re going to judge you by the experience that they’ve had in the past. This is why an INFP woman who has a very high body count should be completely avoided at all costs, typically, because because when a woman has sex with a man, see, she doesn’t catch feelings until it happens.
Men can catch feelings before then whatever. But a woman typically does not catch feelings until she has sex with a man and a woman, an INFP woman who’s had sex with a lot of men, she’s caught a lot of feelings. Okay, so she has a lot of emotional baggage, what ends up becoming a burden for the man. And on top of having that emotional baggage.
When you compound that with expert intuition parent making you go through hoops and the fact that they’re already judging you based on other experiences they’ve had with people in the past. It makes it extra mega mega hard. This is one of the reasons why women with lower body counts have higher value than women who don’t mark my words. That’s literally how men see it, especially the highest value men.
And if a man is okay with that, well guess what? He’s a low value, man. You might want to consider that. Especially when you women hit epiphany phase, and then all of a sudden, you realize that your looks can’t get you the top guys anymore. And then you kind of get little frantic as soon as he hit 2627 and realize that you’re starting to age and you’re getting closer and closer to your sexual exploration.
You’re not really gonna get very far. That’s why you need to go out of your way to reduce the amount of sex partners you actually have so that you’re actually viable for a relationship. If you don’t do that, it’s going to blow up in your face. So, rule number two, do not give up on your INFP and be willing to take solid concrete action to prove to them demonstrate to them do not explicate.
Always demonstrate, never explicate I don’t care if you’re an I don’t care if you’re a an NJ woman or an sp woman and you’re in relation with an INFP man. Words are cheap Talk is cheap. and they know it. They know how cheap talk is because their own Talk is cheap, and they use cheap talk on everybody.
They’re not going to allow someone to swindle them, they’re not going to allow, they’re not going to accept cheap talk from anybody, especially somebody who they share their body with, that’s not going to happen. It’s completely a waste, it will not happen, they’re not going to allow it. And if they see that your talk is cheap, because you just easily give up on them, do you think they’re going to be comfortable being in a relationship with you? No. So you have to not give up and not giving up means by taking concrete action, or you’re even willing to jump through every single hoop that they put in front of you every little obstacle that they put in front of you.
And they will put obstacles in front of you to test you to see if you still actually want them. Are you willing to do that? Can you handle that? That’s what they need. That’s rule number two. Rule number three, always challenge their comfort zone.
But why, you know, challenging comfort zone is important for intp as well as their si child, because you’re trying to keep them in a mode of discovery. But with the INFP is something completely different. You’re challenging their comfort zone to get them out of their mode of sloth. Because they be lazy.
They be basically the laziest out of all the types with the exception of maybe the ES TJ, but they show super, super lazy, super lazy, they’re just not willing to get out of bed. Sometimes they’re not willing to seize the day, because there’s so triple outcome. It’s like, why bother getting out of bed, why bother waking up? Why bother doing anything, because it’s not going to get me more power or authority, it’s not going to help me change my life circumstances on a whim, it’s not going to gave me any more respect, it’s not going to get me what I actually want out of life. So why bother.
So you have to learn how to carefully challenge their si child so that they are not in their comfort zone of sloth. And that comfort zone is really just self defeatism, you have to show them what they’ve been through, you have to show them that they’re not defeated, you have to show them that, hey, I’m going to be going on this journey. Or at least Hey, there’s these other outcomes that you didn’t consider, you should do these things, so that you could actually get better outcomes. But if you’re aware of that, you can have a better relationship with them.
It’s a big deal. It’s an absolute big deal. So you have to challenge them, you got to show them pain, and the pain of getting up in the morning. You know, short term pain leads to long term power.
Now, you could say, you know, could do that for like an intp, where it’s like short term pain leads to long term pleasure to kind of appeal to their gluttony approach, or their need for discovery in their life. With an INFP. It’s different. Short term pain will lead to long term power and authority.
And that means happiness, ultimately to an INFP. That’s why you challenge the SI child, and you tell them when you’re challenging them, telling them what they should do. Be like, Hey, this is what you’re gonna get out of it. And help them understand that, yeah, it may not be guaranteed now, but it’ll compound over time with compound interest, the more experiences you have with your SI child, the more it compounds in your life, which means you’re gonna get a really high return on investment.
And you will be able to guarantee yourself those power and authority in that respect that you’re looking for, to be able to change your life circumstances on a whim. That’s how it is challenge the SI child. Remind them that short term pain leads to long term power and authority and guide them in that direction. Do it so that you are not enabling their sloth challenging their si child challenging their comfort zone guarantees that they will not be slothful anymore.
And they’ll actually start taking the initiative on things in life. You got to understand you got to teach the the INFP Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right? The more you take the initiative, because you’re out of your comfort zone. The more likely the more changes the more opportunities you’ll have you got you just have to tell si child that if you don’t get up out of bed, there’s a huge opportunity cost. You’re gonna wake up one day powerless.
And you’re even making yourself powerless now that what power and authority that you have now is actually in a state of decay. You have to remind your INFP that power and authority and respect actually decays, okay, it is in a state of entropy. And they need to get off their ass and take initiative in their life. Okay, this is how you love them.
That’s rule three. Rule number four. Go out of your way to help your INFP to become an authority and to gain actual power and actual regard and actual respect from a They’re people go out of your way, constantly. Like it’s a big deal.
If you’re not willing to do that, why are they even in a relationship with you, they’re probably in a relationship with you anyway, because they believed that you could help them get authority in their life and authority over their own life. That you they, they believe that you could help them have power. Like that, that’s probably the entire reason why is there. But if you’re going out of your way, and you’re embarrassing them, you’re shaming them, you’re making them look bad, you’re causing other people to think less of them, or causing their children to think less of them cut, you are thinking, listen, if you’re acting that way, they’re just gonna be treacherous to you, they’re gonna betray you, they’re gonna lash out at you, maybe even sometimes physically violent with you.
Because you know, their super ego will come out. Because it’s like, this is not what I signed up for. I signed up to be with a person who’s going to help me in this area of my life, but you’re not so goodbye. I’m gonna go with somebody else goodbye, and they’re gonna move on and they will betray you and their treachery.
There’s nothing like INFP treachery folks, they will betray you, in every area of your life. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. It’s even worse when it’s an INFP woman who’s scorned and this is how you score in them. All of a sudden, the you know, they they believe they imagine that you are going to help them gain more power and authority in their life.
And Alison, your night. Oh, wow. Congratulations, you played yourself. Because from their perspective, you played them.
You can’t do that. Always follow rule number four. Rule number five. 41:41 This is this is a bit confusing for a lot of people Extraverted Feeling nemesis, okay.
It’s all about being worried about not being caring, worried about being selfish. And you know, sometimes the INFP can be mega entitled, all about self aggrandizement all about their position, all about their mood, all about their experience and their comfort and willing to sacrifice people, places things in order to, you know, keep their mood, good to keep them in their comfort zone, to keep making it so that they feel safe. But the thing is, is that over time, that entitlement that selfishness can get in the way and actually destroy their relationships with other people. Guess what that means? It will destroy their personal power, it will destroy whatever position or authority that they’ve gained in their life, because they’re uncaring.
You have to show them help them understand that like, hey, the more caring you are, the more people will like you, the more people that like you, the more power and influence you’re going to gain in your life. An influence and power are basically the same, just ones overt ones covert, they’re just the same thing, two sides of the same coin, the coin, they want the coin of authority, okay? Authority equals power plus influence. And that’s what they’re going for in their life power plus influence, okay? help them become an authority. Okay, and do it, you know, any do this, like, you know, you know, that’s rule number four, help them become authority amongst, you know, people that they know, and people that they respect, and get people to help them respect.
But you also have to help them understand that their entitlement, their own personal sense of entitlement gets in the way that all the time, so you need to be there to help remind them of that, you need to encourage them to be more caring. Also, if they choose to be caring on their own, get out of the way. I am so tired of seeing NF J’s, for example, or F J’s in general, getting in an INFP is way when it comes to them being caring. Sometimes they give money to people on the street, sometimes they don’t give people clothes, they can be really, really giving because FY hero is just in a constant state of gratitude.
All you have to do to observe Rule five is just remind them to be grateful. And then when they are expressing gratitude and actually being grateful, get out of the way. Stop telling them that they’re doing it wrong. It’s the most stupid thing I’ve seen the FJ is due to inf peas.
It’s disgusting. Oh, oh, it’s really really gross. This is one of the reasons why INFP is and have in relationships with E and TJ is their pedagogue type, because Auntie j’s are really, really generous. And that rubs off on the INFP and helps the INFP understand generosity as a way for them to express gratitude.
Okay? So rule number five, help them be caring or help them be grateful and prove their gratitude. Because it’s also an aspect of leadership. It’s an aspect of authority. They want to keep their authority they better show gratitude to those that put them in that position of authority.
Help them learn to be grateful to those that give them power and that give them influence. It’s not hard. That’s Rule five. Rule number six.
Rule number six is attached to ni critic. And I critic is such a problem for ion peas because they just don’t want anything. They have literally no motivation. Do you know why? Because they’re actually afraid that like intp, they’re afraid that their motivation is not accepted by other people.
And INFP is are afraid that their true motivation is not is not what people think less of them. If people knew what their true motivation was their true motivation, being seeking power, and authority and influence, that’s their true motivation. So with their inner critic, all you have to do is tell them that it’s okay for them to want those things. And that you accept that and you’re going to help them get it.
And then all of a sudden, they’re motivated in their life. Oh, wow, that’s okay. You you, you don’t think less of me for that. And you’re okay with that? Yeah, I’m gonna get up out of bed.
Yeah, I’m going to take initiative. Yeah, I’m going to kick some major ass. Yeah, I’m going to achieve so much in my life. Because you’re okay with that.
And the person that I’m having sex with the person that I’m in a romantic relationship with my husband, my spouse, my wife, you know, you’re the person that I’m intimate with, is okay with that, and encouraging me, I’ve been trying to hide that my whole life. Because that’s what I MPs do, they hide their true intentions, because you know, like intp, they’re afraid of not being accepted or not being liked, or thought they actually want. Whereas the INFP is, they’re afraid that people think less of them that they actually end up losing what power they have with other people know that they’re trying to seek more power in their life. It’s not wrong, it’s okay, let them except it, tell them that you don’t think less of them for it.
And then all of a sudden, they’re motivated. Don’t forget, they’re also triple affiliative. So help them gain more for yourself. And then simultaneously share it with them create a shared experience, you se users because se users should be with INFJs create a shared experience of power seeking of influence building and authority, construction in their life.
And all of a sudden, you’ll have the literal, most motivated person you’ve ever had, ever. Wow. The most motivated Imp and existence? How do you think Robert Greene is able to like, you know, create so many books over and over and over and magnum opus after magnum opus over and over and over the 48 Laws of Power, the art of seduction, and so on and so forth? Why? How do you think is even possible? It’s possible, because he sees what power and influence and authority it’s given him. He’s seen it.
So he’s motivated to do more, you want to motivate your INFP this is how you do it, observe rule six, help your INFP be honest with what they actually want, especially when it comes to authority, power and influence, you have most motivated INFP in the world, tell them that you don’t think less of them for and do everything you can to create a shared experience to help them get it. That is rule six. Rule seven, you know, someone who’s in power and someone who has authority, someone who is to be respected. You know, if they’re not performing well, in their position, what’s going to happen? That’s right, their authority is gonna get stripped from them, they’ll have their authority stripped, and they’ll be left behind.
So you’re an SE user, you’re all about performance, right? Typically, se users aren’t sexual relationship scientists. So help them learn how to perform it, or it will take their entire life to prove their own personal performance. Do everything in this area. health and fitness helps them become a top performer Getting proper sleep avoiding high cortisol and stress, for example, they need to learn how to take care of themselves.
And for some reason, INFP is because of their deadly sin of sloth are so comfortable in their own filth, that this ends up not happening, which means that their performance goes down, which means people in their life, especially the people that have given them, power and authority and influence in their life will have will strip that power away from them. And literally all of a sudden have a rebellion or a little revolt, a social revolt on their hands, maybe even within their own family, and all of a sudden they’re evict, they’re in the intervention and they’re like, Oh crap, and then they’re completely embarrassed and then they are ashamed. You want to help your INFP avoid shame and avoid embarrassment. Go out of your way to encourage them to perform better.
It’s all about personal performance. It’s really important because the reality of the situation is without proper performance, they will lose their authority And now it’s stripped away from them. So help them perform better. This means like more shared experiences, help them learn skills like dancing, using proper tools.
Martial Arts is another good thing as well. health and fitness, wellness, it’s very, very important. It’s so interesting how NFJ is that they’re super compatible with are obsessed with health and wellness, there’s a reason for that, you use TPS as well, you just have to go out of the way and make them do it, they need to understand without proper performance, they will lose whatever authority that they’ve gained in their life. You cannot allow them to be comfortable in their own filth.
Of course, if you’re observing Rule three, you’ll be challenging their si child such that they won’t be comfortable in their own filth, and you’d be doing a good job. And then the final rule, rule eight. 50:54 And I’ve said this before in a previous lecture, never criticize your INFP. That’s stupid, don’t criticize them.
Instead, get many people they actually respect to intervene and be like, Hey, I don’t think you should do this. But don’t tell them they’re a bad person. Don’t tell them, you know, they’re wrong, per se, just tell them that the outcome is not going to be good. Especially if there’s risks in there, like losing their authority, that would be a huge risk, right? You got to but here’s the thing, if you criticize them, they’re just going to be so hurt at the criticism that it’s not actually going to cause them to change for the better change is, is that they need to see that other people in authority are just telling them it’s a bad idea.
And here’s the thing, if you don’t have much authority in your life, to the point where they respect you, do you think they’re going to listen to you, they’re not going to listen to anyone, they’re only going through their major respecters of authority because they themselves want to become an authority. So if you want them to be listened to you make sure that you are an authority. Okay? But if you are a person of true power and authority, what business as a person who has true power and authority as their lover, criticizing them? What business like, why does the person even need to criticize them, they already respect you, right? So don’t criticize them. Instead, just help them help them understand that it’s not going to work out for them, help them understand that if they make this decision, it could create a mess that they’ll have to clean up or that you will have to clean up doesn’t matter, but just don’t criticize them.
Instead, get make yourself make sure yourself is someone who has position and authority and in your life, you have the power to change the circumstances on your life. And you’re trying to convey that or share that with your INFP. But here’s the thing, if they still not listening, bring in other authorities to help them realize what’s happening. Good friend of mine, he’s an ESTP.
He’s married to an INFP woman. They’re having a really rough marriage. And she would not listen to him at all. What he had to do is go to therapy, and put her in front of a therapist who had a lot of credentials, a lot of authority, a lot of power.
And through having this conversation with this ENFJ therapist, all of a sudden, the INFP is like oh, yeah, I really have been a horrible wife. My bad. She took full responsibility for actions, and she immediately changed. What was the ESTP doing up until that point, criticizing her with ti parent? How did that actually work? It basically ruined their marriage for years.
It wasn’t until that thing was handled. And it was completely turned around. And it was turned around. And as a result, they finally were able to have a fantastic marriage, folks.
Okay. That’s why rule number eight stands never criticize them. Help. Why don’t you read How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.
Chapter one literally says never criticize. It especially applies to EPHI heroes, especially inf peas. Because if they’re like, hey, if I’m being criticized right now, that’s just you exposing how powerless I actually am because an INFP especially an INFP. Woman, if they feel powerless, they are absolutely miserable.
And that will just lead them to betraying you and using their treachery vice instead of having that hardcore everlasting loyalty that they be giving to you on a regular basis. You want them to stick around, don’t criticize them. Like that’s super make important. Anyway, folks, that concludes this lecture for eight rules for loving inf peas if you found this lecture useful, helpful, educational and enlightening.
Please subscribe to the channel. Leave a like do all those things. Maybe leave comments because like I read every comments, I’d love to hear your comments on this particular episode, especially since how fringe this one is. So but yeah, anyway.
Sounds cool. Sounds Great, I look forward to the next lecture series that we’re going to be doing which I believe is season 24. And that will start next month here on the channel and on the podcast. So, anyway folks, thanks for watching, and I’ll see you guys tonight on the discord