8 rules for loving an ESTJ | Season 27 | CS Joseph
CS Joseph discusses 8 rules for loving an ESTJ.
Alright, guys, welcome to the first gold’s here live lecture and trying to do something a little bit different these days than what we’ve done in the past. It’s trying to try it out. I think it’s not really something that I’ve done before. So just trying to see like, okay, hey, you know, what’s, what’s something pretty cool for, you know, Patreon perks to go for, but I wanted to have the opportunity to kind of bring it back a little bit to different times, types of content.
I know that for like, the Patreon private lectures that we do have currently are kind of more related to, you know, personal development where people are going in their life, which is what we have for season 19, where we talk about seduction styles a little bit more. But as a part of romantic compatibility with these live lectures, because it’s kind of a new format than what we’ve been doing, typically, this format, it’s, it’s where we doing, I’m gonna be doing a lecture that I would normally do for you to basically, and then, but I’m doing it for the patrons first doing it live. So I can actually interact with the audience, as we go through it, basically, going through the lecture now, haven’t exactly got the whole visual format down, because it’s very typical, you know, at least in terms like the visuals that we have on the broadcast are kind of more like the live stream and whatnot. But we’ve been trying to fix all of our customer service issues and whatnot that we have had a recently, but it’s, we’re getting that figured out.
So that’s why most of my time has been going on is getting that handle up. But I’m happy to announce that we do have a support system now. We’re just trying to gather all those communications one place that we can actually respond to your requests on a regular basis. So which is cool.
But in the meantime, you know, yeah, we’re doing a live lecture. And then we’ll have a q&a with patrons directly in our live stream chat and having those conversations with you guys. And, and that’ll be for like, maybe 15 minutes after the lecture is over. And then we will continue on, you know, having this premiered and then making this particular lecture available to the audience.
So it’s, it’s kind of like, it’s kind of like early access, except it’s like, interactive, early access to a point. And it’s just going to be made available to the rest of the community. Probably like a week or so. So yeah.
But anyway, let’s, let’s double check to make sure that I can actually see you guys in here. And, let’s see, decides to. Alright, so let’s get the specific shot out to like, Hey, is anyone there just to make sure that we’re good. So toss up a hi in the chat, so that like, because like I said, guys, this is gonna be like little interactive.
This is not something we’ve done before. So please have mercy on me. This is kind of a new thing that we’re doing. And we’ll kind of go from there.
So let me get my ink set up here on my screen as we get going. So, alright, so this is oops, let’s get that figured out here. And then we will do we actually moved this way over here there we go. Awesome.
Okay. Oh, yeah. Hey, we got we got moody. We got Aaron.
Thank you all for coming. That’s cool. And but Yeah, welcome to our live lecture. And again, this is my first time doing this.
So we’re trying to like try out a new format for this month for Patreon gold tier. But yeah, so let’s just get going to it this lecture is basically it is eight rules for loving es ESP js. So I’ve been doing like really complex lectures recently. And one of the reasons why is because as we’re going into the science and how Have it and laying that foundation we sold the rest of season 17.
To do we sell the rest of season 18. To do and we sold the rest of season 21 to do season 22 is going out on email and whatnot. But believe it or not, this is actually a season. And this is kind of weird, but this is actually season 27.
Season 27 Episode One. And it’s like, okay, wait a minute, I miss CSJ Why did you guys What did you just like jump from Season 22 to 27. I mean, come on, if you like ever know me within, you know, this, it’s just it is what it is we have a bunch of seasons planned and whatnot. And we pulled them out for like the particular moment.
But for this particular season, we didn’t know exactly when to release it, we didn’t know exactly what to say, per se, in that regard. And based on that, we just had no idea. So, but the format is, I’m going to deliver the lecture, I’m going to interact with you folks in the audience, then we’re gonna have a little q&a at the end of it, and then we’ll we’ll move forward from there. And like I said, this lecture will be made publicly available.
But after a little while, it’s not quite yet. And we’re given the gold tier patrons the opportunity to get involved with this. But yeah, and we’re going to be these lectures, I don’t think they’re going to be super mega long, I’m hoping they’re shorter than usual. And then we’re just gonna be releasing them like that.
Hopefully, I’m probably planning on cutting one of the live streams and doing some more live lectures actually, just to get content out a little bit more. So that’s what I’m hoping to do. And I thank you all, for like being as supportive as you have been throughout this whole process. But quite frankly, what is the rules for loving XYZ type.
So I got to start with a little bit of an introduction here. And it’s kind of weird, because we’re basically six and a half minutes in as I keep interrupting. But one final introduction is, is that the whole point of these is that you can take these lectures specifically, and kind of have just a little bit of a mode to follow. If you’re trying to have a relationship with one of the 16 types, we’re gonna go through all the 16 types, one, one type per lecture, and you’ll basically have a set of rules to follow specifically for having a better relationship, a better intimate relationship, okay.
And I’m actually going to make a note of that here. Loving basically, represents intimate relationship. So, intimate relationship, very important. You know, when you’re having an intimate relationship with like, an ES TJ, et cetera, how to, like really maximize that, because what if like, what if you’re an ISTJ? Right? What if you’re a type that’s not compatible with this particular type? You know what I’m saying? Like, what if? What are you going to do? What is anyone going to do? How is that problem going to be solved? What if you all of a sudden realize you’re an ENFP? But you’re married to an INFP? Oh, crap, where’s my compatibility? Merch compatibility? Exactly.
Right. What are you going to do? How are you going to solve that problem? Right? Well, this is how we solve this problem. So these particular lecture is literally practical solutions to big problems, right? So big problems, like, Oh, crap, I’m not compatible this person, how do I need to behave to get a better result? Right. That’s what this lecture is all about.
That’s what we’re doing. Okay. So. So yeah, welcome, Mark Rogers, and, Jay.
Thank you all for being here. And please get the word out to the rest of the gold tier. But this is pretty awesome. I’m actually gonna be doing these more often.
I hope to actually do these lectures once a week. It’s what I’m hoping to do. Our content delivery plans like little haywire right now, since I’m basically trying to pick up the pieces because CSJ is an organization has kind of collapsed on itself. But it’s not anymore.
We’ve actually like, pushed it up and we’re we rebuilt the foundation and things are getting a lot better. And I’m going to end up being hands off on a lot of the administrative work and get focused to just producing content and doing coaching is what I’m trying to do. And have everybody else on the team handle all the other minutiae, and customer service and how that’s handled. I’ve actually been doing a lot of customer service recently, which has been an issue.
So speaking of which, if you’re a sapphire patron, we have that issue solved. We’re going to be getting you the code so you can get your coaching sessions scheduled. Thank you all for your patience. I know that a few of you have been asking about that.
We’re gonna get that handled. So anyway, without further ado, let’s just dive into the lecture and I I specifically made sure that I am not doing the whiteboard on this. I all initially, 09:51 I wanted to actually actively whiteboard it out as we discuss it, right. So there isn’t so much planning with this.
Okay, so Off the Cuff kind of free flow, and let’s just see what happens. I know the content already, but I would just want to express it to you guys in a way that’s like Free and Real for example. So, but cool, let’s dive into it. So let’s look at.
So let’s look at let’s look at an ES TJ, specifically. So let’s do a typical es TJ, four sides, four sides of the mind theory setup here. So we have their ego. And then we have and then we have the subconscious which is an INFP.
And then we have the super ego. I actually had an INFP recently who has a es TJ Father, tell me how he thinks it’s so cute when the ES TJ father is trying to be philosopher. I mean, I can I could definitely agree with that. And then we’re going to look at the shadow here.
So let’s do just shadow aka the unconscious. And this is the ISTP and then we’ll do su te si n e f phi and then tise and IFV and then see the inverses because remember guys according to inverse theory, inverse theory is Fe ni se ti. And then inverse theory is that you always inverse your cognitive functions for explaining the other sides, the mind, etc. And then you have T and over here we have which attitudes there are.
We have the hero. We have the parent. We have the child. Yeah, so we moody McSorely says I have an ES TJ mother in law absolutely in the philosopher stage of life.
So maybe as I’m filling up this whiteboard, can you give us an example of that actually have an have an ES TJ? In the philosopher stage of life is this Are you saying that in like reference to like post, post childbearing age, you know, middle age, when you’re in your middle age, you’re kind of developing your subconscious a little bit more really focused on it? Because if you don’t, you’ll have midlife crisis. Is that is that kind of what you’re coming from? This the Inferior function? We have? Oops, let’s not do that. That’s the correct incorrect one. And then we have the villain.
This is the villain. Why is that clicking? away? That’s cooking. All right, and then we have the critic 12:55 then we have the trickster. 13:00 Then we have the demon.
The super ego, we have ethics. Okay. And then we have willpower. We have physics.
We have logic. And up here we have rationale. And we have discipline we have metaphysics and then morals. Okay, so congratulations, you’re now in a relationship with an ES TJ, an intimate relationship.
You’re like, literally married at this point. Having a sexual relationship with this person. Maybe a man or a woman who knows who knows what, what your sexual orientation is. But also who knows, like, what your genders are within a relationship.
But the bottom line is, you are XYZ type, you’re literally XYZ type. So green for that. You’re okay, that’s not the appropriate way to whiteboard that. You’re literally, XYZ type.
You know, I’m going to verify that you can actually see my whiteboard up here. No, we can’t. So let’s let’s make this more viewable, actually, for everyone to see. All right, cool.
X, Y, Z type. All right. So we got XYZ type going. That’s pretty awesome.
And your xyz type, okay, so what do you do? What, what do you do if you’re, if you’re dealing with a, if you’re dealing with a, an ES TJ, like what, what’s the plan so we’re gonna actually make some little bit of room here. kind of erase this. And then we’re going to move that over here, cool metaphysics, we’re gonna use all this space right here, and for the sake of me actually knowing what’s going on, and I move this line over here, so I know where the edge is. Alright, cool.
Awesome. So you’re in a relationship with ES TJ, what are ESP J’s, Remember folks, ESC Jays are direct initiating control for their interaction style. If you want to find out more about interaction style, you need to watch season 15 It’s a playlist. So go to the YouTube channel, click playlists, go to season 15, watch all season 15 Their interaction styles direct initiating control, that means they are a structured type.
So they take the lead with things they also need structure, some kind of structure of some kind, or maybe they’re testing the structural integrity of the structure. Direct. They see they say what they mean me what they say initiating, they prefer to go other to other people to get information or things that they need, or to tell their people what to do. They choose their own role in the conversation because they are direct, they take charge, they lead in that result, and they’re very outcome focused.
And as long as they’re having good outcome, they’re very control. And that sometimes, you know, they have to create an a different process to reach every single outcome instead of having a master process to reach any possible outcome and that’s movement. But ultimately, it is control that is direct initiating control. Their temperament is the guardian temperament also known as the SJ temperament because they are as strays as es TJ and guardians are past focused duty based focus on comfort, during the easy, tried and true way, they are only comfortable with following the beaten path in life.
And they are the most successful at following the beaten path in life. Whereas people like me, I am not successful at following the beaten path in life and definitely not something I recommend. So thank you moody for sharing the story. Oh, Biblical studies on her own and probably searching out her philosophy like ESP J’s would very interesting.
Well, perhaps Perhaps we are married to your ESC J mother. In this in this example, who knows? Let’s let’s find out. So Moody’s mother is an ES TJ, well, how would you love Moody’s mother? How do you actually do that? Well, let’s, let’s actually, let’s do some practice statements here. So we have extroverted thinking, Okay, we got t, which is great, right? So what do you do to make te hero feel loved? Well, remember, a te hero is actually attached to F fi inferior via their cognitive access, those two functions are attached to each other.
So what do you do in that particular moment? Well, the first thing is, you can say something, which, so the first rule is always demonstrate that, and I’ll just do it like in a sentence, say these words. I think highly of you. Right? Literally, I think highly of you. What that does, is that sends information into te, and then it comes out and FYI.
And FYI, it’s like, Oh, I feel really good about myself. So it takes all the insecurity away from an ES TJ, if you’re in a relationship with an ES TJ, your job is to make sure that their si inferior is not afraid of feeling bad, is TJ is walk around every single day, afraid that they’re a bad person. And like, you know, we just said that they’re a guardian temperament. They’re very safety oriented.
Because remember, they’re very concrete focused on the what is right. And also, they’re there. So they’re not abstract, which is the what if their concrete focus on the what is like, and that to them, it’s usually what has happened to them personally, or what makes them comfortable, because that’s the past, right? You know, but they’re also affiliative, focusing on doing the right thing. So when you say, I think highly of you, what you’re really saying is, you do a great job, you’re always doing the right thing, I think highly of you, it makes them feel like they have a really strong reputation.
Or you can also say to them at the same time, you can also say, hey, you know, others, others think highly of you, right? So there’s also like an extroverted situation, where you’re pointing out to the ES TJ, hey, you have a really good reputation here. Now, does that necessarily mean this is true or false? That’s up to you. I mean, if you’re gonna if it’s untrue, well, then you’re getting into the social engineering side of things, because you’re trying to social engineering is Tj at that point, but if it actually is true, like because here’s the thing, what if you’re not a TI user, because a TI user, it’s easy for a TI user to go up to a TI user and say the words I think highly of you, it actually comes natural to why is that the case? Well, if you look at it this way, you have TI plus Fe and then you think about I think okay, All right, so that’s TI, highly of you. Okay.
Well, that’s fe. Okay. You see, I’m saying it coming out, in your sense, you have a TI Fe access right here, I think highly of you. So of course, the TI user, the T heroes gonna be like, Oh, wow, they think really highly of me.
Oh, they love me, right? That’s exactly. That’s exactly how they they react to this. They react to this in this very positive way. Right.
So if you’re in a relationship that he is TJ, first order businesses, you need to be telling them, Hey, I think highly of you, or other people think highly of you. Or another way of saying it, you emphasize big time, their reputation. Or their status. Okay.
So, what does that mean? Well, status symbols. And why is status symbols important to E is TJs? Well, they’re very important because you have an E child. And E is all about symbols. Okay? Expert intuition is all about symbols.
Because it’s like the what if it’s understanding interpreting symbols, so having symbols of status, guess what is TJs? They like those really nice hot rod cars, like you buy an ES TJ, a Corvette, it’s a status symbol, right? So that like receiving gifts who increase their status, right? That’s the difference. That’s what happens. That’s, that’s how they go about doing it. Okay.
So when you’re going to Te hero, the first rule is demonstrate to them that you think highly of them. Okay. And so we’re going to put the rule over here, rule number one, demonstrate. Demonstrate positive thinking.
Demonstrate positive thinking towards them. Okay. So that’s rule number one. I think highly of you.
Okay. You can actually do this with like, basically, any year you could basically do this with Wow, into every go trying to learn the system here. Okay. As I’ll give me so again.
All right. So demonstrating positive thinking becomes the first rule. What’s the next rule? Well, the next rule is pretty. It’s pretty cool.
So they have Introverted Sensing, right? So Introverted Sensing is basically someone’s you know, their discipline, right? 23:05 You know, I’m not gonna use that color. Because that’s just like, I can’t, I can’t read that. So we’re going to use this color. So Si, is all about being comfy, safe.
Protected. Super important. And it’s a source of discipline. How do you show love to an ES TJ? Well, you make them comfortable.
So how do you make someone comfortable, right? So rule number two basically becomes make them comfortable if they’re comfortable, make them safe. Okay, so how do you do this? How do you do Sunnis? TJ, they have si parent, right? Which means they have higher expectations. Expectations is a big thing when it comes to use ti J’s expectations is everything. Right? So when you’re doing expectations, okay, how do you set their expectations? They have they’re very regal in this way.
And it’s like, okay, well, I’m really comfortable right now. Okay, well, what makes them comfortable? Well, we’ll get that a little bit in a second. Don’t forget that si and E are both on an axis okay. So what happens to one happens to the other essentially, and based on that, based on that you have an opportunity to show love to them by making them comfortable so you give them a good experience.
So really, what is it? You share experiences with them, okay. If you share experiences with them, and experiences that they like experiences that they’re seeking. Because introverted sensors, we seek experiences, we experience do things that unless it’s like, outside of our comfort zone, and every now and then we like to go in and out of our comfort zone, but it’s all about sharing experiences. It’s absolutely critical.
So another way to share experiences is, well, here’s another way, being aware of what makes them comfortable being aware of what makes them feel safe, right? So they’re the people who will dutifully wear their seatbelt. Right, don’t get in the way of allowing an ES TJ to perform their duty, right, don’t get in the way of allowing an ES TJ to do things, you know, safely, you know, because if they don’t, they’re gonna get really, really uncomfortable. And then they’re going to withdraw entirely and potentially become avoidant. You don’t want to have this in a relationship.
So you want to give them a good experience consistently, right? It’s the same thing when you’re in like the bedroom, right? You know, sometimes is TJs. They, they like it rough, you know what I’m saying? Because it’s, it’s necessary for them to feel the full force the full experience in the bedroom, right? They like to receive it rough as what I’m saying, right? Receive it rough. Because again, it’s seeking experiences, which can be like a form of sensuality, right? So they want somebody to share good experiences them, or want to give them things or do things with them or do things to them, that are sensual in nature, that could be going on a date having some food that could be asking them if it’s too cold, or you notice them shivering a little bit and you go get them a coat, right? You take care of them in that regard, you know, opening the door for them, et cetera, because they’re very traditional people. They want to receive a good experience.
If you have like, if you’re if you’re in a relationship with a nice TJ, when’s the last time you ask them? If they were cold or not? Or if they are too hot? When’s the last time that you are thoughtful enough, right? So I noticed that we have demonstrated positive thinking over here. Let’s actually adjust that a little bit. Let’s let’s let’s adjust that. You know, let’s let’s adjust that, because it kind of goes into it kind of goes into what we’re talking about now.
Si parent, be thoughtful. Like seriously, be thoughtful. Because when you’re saying I’m thinking highly of you, that means you’re going to demonstrate it with actions because just because you say it with your words, which makes te hero happy and thus FYI, inferior happy because te heroes happy to hear oh, they think highly of me. But you’re proving it to si parent with action.
Okay. Actions are everything. Because to ES T js is not necessarily good enough to say hey, I love you, you have to prove it with actions. Because if you’re not consistently making them more comfortable, they’re just probably not going to stick around because if they’re uncomfortable, typically guess what’s going to happen? They are going to withdraw in a relationship.
Okay. So think about it. What happens when an ES TJ is uninterested in insects? Well, that’s probably because they’re uncomfortable. Why are they uncomfortable? Have you at least thought of asking them if they’re too cold? Have you thought of asking them if the blankets are are good for them or agriculture them on the bed? Have you asked about you know, hey, do you need help with laundry, etc? Or actually doing these things? Even without asking? Right? Because guess what es TJ is often find themselves because their si parent, they’re all very service oriented people.
But when is someone going to take the time to serve them, right? When someone serves them, they feel important. Right, which we’ll get to that in number four. We’ll get to number four. But it’s all about feeling important, right? So you have to make them comfortable.
Make good meals for them often to make them good meals are often to take them out to a place to eat that they like offered to get them some really nice clothes or get them status symbols and gifts, right? If they want to take time and chill and watch the game. Let them watch the game. Watch the game with them. It’s a shared experience.
Buy them tickets to go to the Super Bowl, etc. You have to make them do that and initiate with them. Initiate with them for sex. Okay, sure they’re initiating but you know, they like to be and here’s the next thing.
Guess what? Number three. Make them feel wanted. Okay, what’s it A technique of solving number two, it’s an action you could take to solve number two. I don’t know, find ask them straight up directly.
Hey, what’s your favorite drink at Starbucks, go to Starbucks, buy them that drink and hand it to them. No questions asked. No strings attached. Done.
Oh, you know what that does an SI parent, you know what that does? Guess what that does, folks. Guess that what that does, that causes them to become loyal, that builds up loyalty, it also causes them to seek you out. Okay? Because they want to receive that experience. Over and over and over.
They want to have you over and over, it gets to a point where they are addicted. Addicted to you, and they can’t live without you. Right? So it used to Jays do it. Okay.
Loyalty, addiction, okay. But then there’s the child function, what’s next? You really, really want to also show love to your ES TJ, you make them feel wanted, I want you. Or, hey, sexy. Get over here.
Right? That’s another example of a sexy kid over here. I want you make them feel wanted. You make them feel wanted by showing them, you have to show them you have to show si parent to make them comfortable, safe and give them a good experience. Right? But you also have to make them feel wanted that you would go out of your way to willfully do these things for them.
Okay? Because if you don’t do these things for them, and they have to keep asking you keep nagging you to do things to give them experiences that they’re seeking from you. Do you know what they’re gonna do? They’re going to feel unwanted. And you know what’s going to happen, then they’re going to go elsewhere, to somebody who actually does want them and will actually provide those experiences to them. Which means they will no longer be loyal to you in this marriage, or this relationship.
32:29 Because, oh, you know, I wish I really wish my husband would initiate with me. I really wish he made me feel wanted. I don’t feel wanted. I think so little of me, you know.
And he’s obviously going over there spending more time doing those things. But I’m obviously not wanted here. So you know what, fine. Oh, hey, guess what? Guess what, Karen, I just met this really cool guy.
You know, he’s a, he’s a contractor. He’s, he’s working out. He’s working at, you know, on our building right now. It’s really cool guy.
He makes me feel really wanted. He offered to buy me coffee. He got me coffee, you know? And well, one thing led to another and I had sex with him last night. Wow.
You know, because like, my husband was on a business trip. And he obviously doesn’t want me but this guy wants me so I’m going to be loyal to him instead. And people wonder where cheating comes from. Right? People wonder.
This is why I say to SC users never push a loyal person to the point where they no longer give a damn. Or let me say it this way. Never make them feel so unwanted, that they end up going to somebody else who wants them more than you do? Yeah, that’s pretty hard, isn’t it? Right? might want to consider that. Right? When you’re dealing with relationships.
So make sure you always make your ES TJ feel wanted. Because if you don’t, if you don’t want them and you hurt that little child, well, they’re going to seek experiences from somebody else, they will cheat on you. And that’s just what you’re gonna have to deal with. And if you’re not making them feel wanted, well, sorry.
See, loyalty comes at a price. You know what I mean? So there’s a lot there. Don’t worry se users, you’ll get your day in court. Trust me.
Don’t worry. The next lecture is coming. And then there’s the FY What do you do for FY what’s what’s what is how would you go about doing FY well? You make them feel important. Make them feel important or increase their importance? If you increase their value, okay? You’re a very useful person, right? You’re in a relationship with this es TJ, but you’re going out of your way to make them feel good about themselves, because they’re already afraid that they don’t feel good about themselves, right? So you’re taking all of that fear and insecurity away, when you’re showing them that they actually are a valuable person.
This is why you have to say constantly, you know, be thoughtful, and then prove by actions, that you’re making them comfortable, and you make them feel wanted, but they feel good about themselves because you are in their life. Because you having you around, guess what makes them look good. They want to look good, externally with their ti hero, and they feel good about you being around them, because you make them look good. You make them feel good about themselves, right? That’s how you ever relationship.
That’s how you show love and respect to an ES TJ. Okay, by making them feel good about themselves. Because if they don’t feel good about themselves, then they’re going to start to feel that they are a bad person. Okay.
So what do you do you increase their importance, so help them achieve them being a relationship with you. This is gonna sound weird, but is TJs see their relationship with you? Like an achievement? You are an achievement you ever hear the term trophy wife or trophy husband? I literally came from ESP J’s, because es T J’s see their spouse as their trophy that they earned. Right? What happens when their trophy is not really shiny, and cracked, and rusted and too big or too small, when it’s not appropriate for them for their ego point of view, right? And it’s like, I achieved this great trophy, but this trophy ain’t really working out for me anymore. Because they’re refusing to take care of themselves.
That’s not my fault, I take care of myself, why aren’t they taking care of themselves, this is not fair. I don’t feel good about this. I don’t feel valued by them, I don’t feel validated by them. They need to be around an intelligent person who just tells them the fact that they know how to behave, sometimes they don’t know what to behave back to rule three, make them feel wanted.
One thing is is that in order for ESC j’s to be dutiful, to you, or for them to feel dutiful to you, you have to tell them what you want. If you do not tell an ES TJ what they want, they will not know what to even do. It’s like setting up your ES TJ for failure. Can you really do that to them? Can you really do that to an ES TJ make them feel important.
You make them feel important by always sharing your thoughts with them. Always given them a good experience, right? Making them feel wanted you do all the first rules, of course, that automatically makes it feel important. But you always give them every opportunity to get into the spotlight. They need to be in the spotlight.
Okay? You give them the opportunity to have the spotlight to be the star of the show. Right? Because it’s all about looking good, right? It’s all about having such status that commands respect. And if you’re taking if you’re behaving in a certain way that makes them look less respectable? Well, you’re actually being unloving and disrespectful to your ES TJ, because that’s how they take it. What if you’re a fellow te user in a relationship, and both of you are trying to gain status and have that spotlight because you’re both FYI users in the relationship? Because if you’re te users, you’re automatically an FYI user, what are you going to do? How are you going to solve that problem? You know, like, how, how are you going to do that? Well, because you have to understand that sometimes you have to put your spouse’s status above your own.
You have to put your spouse’s sense of self worth above your own. Are you willing to do that? Right. Make them feel important. Give them every opportunity to achieve give them credit.
They will love credit. it. This is why ESC JS cares so much about credentials. Because credentials are like symbols of status, I got a degree here, I got a diploma here, I got the certification here, I’m important because I have all these achievements, everything is about achievement to them.
If you take away their opportunity to achieve, well, they’re not going to feel good about themselves anymore. And then they’re going to feel like you think less of them. You know, my life that my my wife doesn’t respect me, because she talks bad about me behind my back to others, she ends up destroying my status and destroying reputation. I don’t feel loved, I don’t feel respected.
Maybe I should be loyal to somebody else. Right? This happens all the time. Okay. So remember, yes, TJ is they fall in love or respect, people who are who they consider better than them.
People who they see as potentially more intelligent than them who have a higher status than them or somebody who’s not going to get in the way of their status someone who’s actually going to promote their status, make them feel important increase their ability to command respect amongst their peers. This is how it used to Jays work smooth in a row five as we go through this 41:41 thank you guys for your comments. As we move through this, let’s go through a thrive. So Rule five is Ti for villain.
They worry about what they think. So uh, say, assuage their worries. And then tell them what you think. Tell them the facts.
So always tell the ES TJ, the facts, even if it hurts their feelings. Tell them the facts. They just want to hear the facts. So you have to be honest.
Be honest, almost brutally honest. be brutally honest with them. Guess what they can take it? Do you know why? Because they have si parent, si parent can take the hits folks. And they can they can make themselves comfortable is a really bad situations.
But if you don’t 100% honest with them, and best be with logic, because being honest them with how you feel is not going to help because if you’re just honest with how they feel, guess what, that’s Fe demon, that ain’t gonna do you any good. You have to be honest with the facts of the situation. Because if they don’t know the facts, they’re gonna be able to do anything. That’s not helpful for them.
That’s not sustainable for relationship. telefax be honest, even brutally honest, they can’t change and become a better person without you being brutally honest. And they worry about what they think at all times. So another way of telling them the facts is, guess what? Go find the facts, take the time to do research and throw it in their face if they guess why, because they can get pretty lazy sometimes.
Sometimes they’re too lazy to do the really research themselves. And it’s all about their beliefs, right? That can be a problem. So make sure that you’re finding the facts. And for them and telling them what the facts are, do that research change their beliefs, because they’re already worried that they’re into unintelligent anyway, here’s another thing, check this out.
Here’s another way of doing it. telefax but then also, listen to their input. That’s another one. Si es TJ is oftentimes end up feeling that their voice doesn’t matter that much, that their opinion doesn’t matter that much.
Listen to their input, even if you disagree with the ES TJ, if you disagree with them, listen to their input, they might actually have a point. Listen, while it’s hard to listen, right? Because if you’re not listening your input, you’re not willing to change your thinking you’re not willing to have an open mind. You want to have an open mind. Okay? Having an open mind is important.
Okay, listen to input. Let’s move on to rule six. Well, six We’ll sex is a little interesting how we go about doing things, rule six for the SE critic, what does se critic need? Well, it’s gonna sound weird, but always have your shoes tied. Think about it this way, if you guys ever heard the first law of power that’s never outshine the master.
That’s funny about ESP J’s, they get so loyal to a company, that they end up in middle management, then they end up in upper management, because they have just been there forever. Because they’re the ones willing to stay in the organization because they’re there for their comfort zone. And then everyone else leaves. But they stay.
Hey, man, I’ve been here 15 years and all sudden, you some little upstart comes up out of nowhere. You think you’re all that and a bag of chips? Well, I put in the effort here for 15 years, and you’re here a year and you’re thinking you’re you should be above me in this organization, you’re out of your mind. Right? Well. So in order to love an ES TJ in this relationship, you need to be willing to go out of your way to make yourself presentable.
Remember, if they’re if they’re dressed up in a nice suit, but you’re interested in a Hawaiian shirt and T shirt, you know, not really caring, whatever out there in public with them amongst their friends, and they’re going out of their way to dress up for it, but you’re not willing to do that. They’re going all that effort, they put in the effort, but they see you putting in no effort for your own physical appearance. They’re going to judge you, they’re gonna like, hey, at least take the time to make sure your belt your shoes match, or, you know, at least take the time. You know, to to get it.
It’s just, it’s just so weird. They’re very critical towards external appearances. So very critical of capability. The ES TJ, you know, so, basically, rule six is put in the effort.
You’re not putting in the effort for an ES TJ, they’ll never respect you much less love you. They never will. Because from their point of view is is that if I’ve been sitting here improving myself constantly, and I’m on this journey of self improvement, or I’m getting new skills and reading all the time, and you’re not doing any of those things, why should I be loyal to you? This is called a cognitive orbit activation, where we have Introverted Sensing actually attaching to extroverted sensing. So if Introverted Sensing an N E on an axis, right, they feel wanted when you share experiences with them, or when you want them because you’re the one initiating with them for sex, for example, which is great.
Definitely initiate with is TJs for sex that makes them feel wanted and desired. Because ultimately, folks, the ESP Jays want to be desirable. 48:22 They want to be the most desirable. Wow, that’s like terrible way of spelling it, how about 48:31 I do it this way, there we go.
They want to be the most desirable, okay? Well, if for some reason, they feel unwanted and their loyalty starts waning, they will start sharing other experiences with other people to see if other people will want them. Okay. And another thing is, is they also become very critical about the effort you’re putting in the relationship and they know that they’re putting in the effort into the relationship. And if it’s not the same or equal, or if you’re not putting in more effort than they’re putting in, or the same that they’re putting in, they’re not really interested.
They can’t be loyal to you as a result. It’s just not going to work. Never outshine the master. Right? So make sure you put in the effort.
Because as the critic is always watching, if you’re not tying your shoes, if you’re not taking care of yourself, if you’re just letting your body go, they can’t stand that and they’re just gonna move on to somebody else. They’re gonna feel unwanted because you can’t take care of your body because you don’t have self respect. You don’t have enough self respect to put on you know to put on a suit when they’re going out of their way to put on a nice dress for you and do their hair absolutely perfect. Their makeup absolutely perfect and make themselves as presentable as possible.
And then they have their husband who’s basically he looks like a drunk and a wife beater. And these old slacks old jeans or whatever showing up to this, you know thing where that would be more appropriate for a bar instead of like a family event or maybe a work event. There’s a serious issue there. The ES TJ is gonna have a hard time loving you much less respecting you.
You might want to watch out for that. So rule six, put in the effort. Rule seven. Rule seven.
Don’t forget the ESP Jays are affiliative fillets, it means they are interdependent. 50:43 So rule seven is. Rule seven is don’t let them make decisions alone. big decisions.
Think about it this way. If you have ni trickster 51:06 if you have ni trickster ESTP J’s could have a salesperson come up to them and attack for any child and be like and say the words I want you to buy this car and then es TJ will automatically feel obligated. That’s it obligated to buy the car. This is why an STP is good for relationships with ES TJ is because STPs are masters of becoming an obligated because of their freedom.
Their freedom based creators are artisans, their SPS, they have their masters of becoming an obligated in a situation because they’re an obligated. They can take their user extroverted sensing to share the experience of becoming an obligated with ES TJ and protect the ES TJ from being loyal to the wrong people and having conflicting loyalties, such as being loyal to the salesman who’s trying to sell them a car that you know, he doesn’t even want. But he doesn’t know if he doesn’t want it. Because it’s ni trickster.
Do I should I buy this car? Or do I want to buy this car? No, no, always tell them what their duty is. So part rule seven is tell them their duty, not what they want. Tell them their duty with decisions. What’s your duty for making decision, Mister is TJ never asking these TJ what they want.
If you do that, they’re gonna make the wrong decision. Tell them what they should do. Tell them what you want to do. That’s all they want.
They just want you to tell them what you want them to do. And they will do it that way. They know they can’t fail because you’re just telling them what they want. Right? That’s literally how that works.
So but if you leave them alone, they have that ni trickster they like I don’t know what I want. I’m supposed to buy a car, but I don’t know what I want. Or I’m supposed to get a retirement plan. But I don’t know what I want.
I had to get an insurance plan. I don’t know what I want. They need their STP with them so that they can’t be sold, because the STP is also interest based. And it’s like, well, guess what? I know what that guy is getting out of it.
Oh, but the is TJ doesn’t because they’re systematic. And because they’re systematic? Well, they’re always focused on doing the best thing, right? Doing the best way of doing something the best way, not necessarily SDPs get out of a situation, right. So you don’t let them make big decisions on their own. Don’t let them want things because they want things they’ll get they’ll screw themselves over.
And guess what, folks? Because they have Extraverted Intuition child when ni trickster makes a trickster decision, and they trick themselves thinking they want something than they actually didn’t. It harms everybody else’s futures around them. Oh, that’s bad. That’s reverse cognitive orbit.
That’s when the NI trickster goes from up here. To up here. Ooh, that’s bad. Everyone else’s fates are screwed over because they’ve just screwed up their own fate.
There’s also an axis right here, all because they just screwed up their own fate. They’re gonna screw up other people’s now’s that’s effective, and affects everybody. Not good. Don’t let es T J’s make important decisions alone.
Tell them what their duty is. That’s all that is what they want. And that’s what they’re comfortable with anyway, because they know if they do their duty, they’re not going to fail. Otherwise, you could let them do things on their own because they’re interdependent in this way.
This is why they’re interdependent. You are setting them up for failure. And then because you set them up for failure, they will believe that you did and they’ll blame you for it. And then they’ll stop being loyal to you and then allow themselves to be wanted by other people.
And then they’ll be loyal to those people instead of being loyal to you and then your relationship will fall apart. Ooh, that’s effective. Don’t do that. 54:59 So Not cool.
And rule eight the demon don’t tell them how you feel ucjc don’t give a damn how you feel. I don’t give a damn how anyone feels they only care about their own feelings. Does that mean that you see Jays are naturally selfless? Yes, it does. But if you’re like an STP, you don’t care how you feel anyway.
Or even an NTP. You don’t care how you feel. So it doesn’t matter. You care about, you know, you have Fe and FE cares about how they feel.
But you have no FYI. Here’s your FYI. At the demon don’t care. Do you really don’t care about FYI.
So you’re cool. But what if you’re an NF? P? 56:04 Oh, I mean, if P and I married an ES TJ, because I’ve been fi hero. I’m in a duality relationship according to Socionics, that’s really effective, right? 56:16 Well, I got my FYI here. And then the ENFP, who is arguably more selfish than the ES TJ.
Because they care about their feelings even more than the ESC J cares about their own feelings. Well, that FY will stop the FY inferior, and then Cray an activation of the demon, which will cause the demon to absolutely fundamentally destroy the NFPs FY, and then the relationship will break apart. Don’t tell them how you feel about anything. How you feel is irrelevant to ESTP.
JS, you might want to if you’re if you’re an fi user married to an ES TJ and you’re having a problem in this relationship, you should have probably figured that out before you got married to them. Because that’s a problem. Right? Folks, I coach people all the time on this stuff, CS Joseph dot life forward slash coaching to find out more hashtag commercial. But the point is, oftentimes, FYI, users, it just becomes a competition to figure out who can out selfish the other person that’s not effective for relationships, guys, that’s not going to work.
So stop doing this. So if you’re an fi user in relationship with an ES TJ, you might want to learn how to emulate extroverted feeling. So you come off as someone who’s caring instead of someone who’s careless, because if the ES TJ believes you’re careless, they’re just going to leave and go elsewhere. In order to love an ES TJ properly, you know, care.
Now remember, I get that these people are stuck in their comfort zone sometimes, but you can bring them out of their comfort zone, especially if you’re in STP, especially if you have se hero or se parent, you can bring them out of their comfort zone, bring them new experiences. Variety is the spice of life. They really need variety. So as they grow, rule number two says make them comfortable, safe, give them new experiences.
Also add variety carefully. And they become more well rounded, more capable people, right? Let’s actually look at the stream looks like here. So I can zoom out so everyone can see everything appropriately. Alright, so I’m gonna move this over.
And we go. There, let’s see. Cool. All right, they just want to be desirable.
Awesome. So that concludes the lecture. Let’s go to patron questions relating to this lecture at this time. So we got Mr.
Mark Rogers moody, Aaron rule. And let’s see if you guys got any folk any questions in relating to this, this lecture eight rules for loving ESD. JS now would be the time so we have a nice little q&a session here at the end. 59:33 So let’s uh, wait a minute.
Yeah. I think it’s actually showing up. Okay, cool. There we go.
I’m actually going to be playing with the visuals a little bit more next time guys on the stream. So But anyway, I just want to make this open to everyone any questions? Because I think I will be doing like another q&a later for the public for this particular lecture. But yeah, do you guys got any questions? relating to this one at all. Not sure people have questions.
So let’s see All right, cool. I guess we’ll, we’ll save the questions for the public release of this. I think we’re doing like another q&a session on this particular lecture in the future. But yeah, awesome.
So gotta say it because we’re here. If you found this lecture, useful, helpful, educational, enlightening, please subscribe to the channel here on YouTube. Also, if you’re an ES TJ, please share these rules with your with your girlfriends, wives, husbands, boyfriends, and how or this lecture to help them better understand use, you can have a better relationship. And Yvonne in the audience basically said, Hey, not for me.
I don’t want to date another es TJ again. Oh, we got a question. Moody says, Do you know of any ESP J’s that are very particular how their high house is tidy? Yes. Like seriously, Bob Saget playing a Danny tagger in full house.
He’s a clean freak. He’s also an ES TJ is se critic doing their duty, because when they’re trying to protect themselves from like, being in a dirty environment, they’re trying to protect their family as well, because they’re affiliative and trying to do the right thing, right. So absolutely. utilize it, understand that yes, is TJs can be cleaned freaks.
And he says es TJ mother in law’s kind of a hoarder, but at the same time gets particular about cleanliness in the house. Yes, as TJ is actually can hoard a lot of things. It’s very typical. For some reason, NFP, s TJ Quadra.
Like, they like to hoard things. But the thing is, all you have to do is go to their se critic, put in the effort. And usually an ES TJ gets comfortable with not cleaning their house. Because if you’re in a relationship with them, perhaps you’re not the one either you’re doing all of the cleaning for them.
So you basically stopped doing it until they get uncomfortable. And then they start complaining, it’s like, well, maybe you should help. Right? You could do it that way, and challenge them on that. Or perhaps they haven’t claimed this whole time, but then they stopped, you might need to check to make sure you are not an external factor.
And then it’s actually all the balls in their court because of the balls in your court. When you’re in relationship with an ES TJ, you want to make sure that that’s not a problem, you know. So it makes sure you guys are like aware of that dynamic, especially when it comes to cleaning, for sure. Anyway, if you found this lecture useful, helpful, educational, enlightening, please subscribe to the channel, please support us on Patreon patreon.com forward slash CS Joseph to keep the lights on.
And definitely be moving out a lot of lectures for rolling out new customer service platform so that we can actually get things figured out a lot better. And we’re gonna be pushing out content a lot faster than we ever have before. I’m sorry, it’s taken so long, guys, it just kind of like seems like the wheels have fallen off what we’re doing here. But that’s not actually true.
We’ve I’ve been working 14 to 18 hour days everyday now for four weeks straight, trying to get everything in a better position, delegate some tasks, like focus on just content creation to get the content out to you guys. So anyway, folks, with that being said, it’s been fantastic that you’re here. And thank you a gold tier and above patrons for joining us tonight for this life lecture. And thank you for the interaction, the chat as well.
You’ve all been fantastic. Oh, and another question, because if you guys keep going questions even though I’m entering this episode, I’m still going to answer anyway. Mark Rogers asks, What would a relationship between an ES TJ and an intp look like? The competing si sounds exhausting? Yes, Mark Rogers, it is absolutely exhausting. Because they’re Introverted Sensing, it’s like, whose comfort level is more important at that point, right.
So while they have somewhat of an emotional compatibility between their ti fe, or TI Fe functions and their te, FYI functions, quite frankly, the intp is not really going to do it for them. Because there is no sexual compatibility. It’s like having two people who really want to receive the full force of that sexual experience from their partner. And they want to be in that more of a receiver role or that sensual seeking of an experience that taking role basically, within the bedroom.
Whereas there’s no givers basically, like like an E and TJ se child is the child is all about giving all about, you know, riding upon that Canvas, you know, they’re the painter, right? Whereas an SI user like it is TJ and a an intp. They’re both canvases, how is I mean, that’s that’s potentially a sexless relationship or not, or, or a relationship that’s very poor, right? They’re trying to like, it’s just like having two se users in a relationship. It’s like you have two painters trying to paint each other. What is two canvases going to do? They’re just going to stand there.
Oh, it’s a canvas. Oh, it’s a canvas. What’s that going to do? Yeah, it’s, there’s no sexual compatibility there. I don’t recommend that relationship at all.
So anyway, folks, great to see y’all. Thank you all for coming. And we’ll see y’all got it. We’ll see you guys later.
Have a good night.