8 Rules for loving an ENTJ | Season 27 | CS Joseph
CS Joseph discusses 8 rules for loving an ENTJ.
Hey guys, it’s Chase with CS Joseph dot life to another episode for season 27. This is episode three, also known as eight rules for love. And tonight we’re gonna be discussing the eight rules for loving ENTJ’s. So it rules kind of pretty easy to figure out what the eight rules are for.
And since people have different ways of viewing cognitive functions or different ways to interpret you know, people’s behaviors within their functional stack, it is necessary to take each of the functional stacks and actually, you know, provide some semblance of practical application and practical application is, Mike the whole point behind what we’re even doing here. Excuse the lack of lights. If the flashlight runs out of batteries, it is what it is, then you guys get to enjoy a very nice amount of black as I’m taking my night walk this evening. Besides, it’s like really nice here at night.
I didn’t exactly know how nice it was, until very recently, but it’s just been bloody fantastic. So anyway, I’m actually really liking the scenery out here. Kind of around some wetland and whatnot. But anyway, eight rules for loving ENTJs.
So ENTJs are kind of a very rare breed. They’re one of the psychological minorities out there, especially among women, women, INTJ. Women are extremely rare. They’re like, less than 1% of the population.
Very, very rare to find in TJ men are also pretty rare. But ENTJ men have a habit of marrying SFJ women consistently. Whereas when it comes to you know ENT, TJ women, that’s not necessarily the case, I’ve actually noticed, especially with the coaching practice, a lot of ENT, TJ women marrying ISFPs, which is kind of interesting, because that’s like, their polar opposite type. And when it comes to relationships, especially amongst each of the 16 types, people, especially in their youth, they get married to people who are their polar opposites due to them just being irresponsible, trying to seek out people that are kind of like the ideal form of them.
And that’s when camaraderie comes into play. And, you know, that’s, that’s a serious issue that people face and it leads to, to valatie, or conflict based relationships, instead of actually having something with total compatibility. However, remember, the whole reason that we’re doing this series of season 27? The reason why, and it’s people like why did you jump all the way head to season 27? Well, I did it because people were really requesting this stuff. And, you know, I figured you know, what, I’m gonna make it available for the audience.
But season 27 effectively represents the well, if I’m not in a compatible relationship with an ENTJ, for example, if I follow these eight rules, I will be successful in my relationship. And honestly, I think that’s a very appropriate, very appropriate thing. And because here’s the bottom line, folks, if you’re in relationships, or if you’re married to someone, you can at least figure out how viable that relationship is, just by following these eight rules. And if you follow these eight rules, and you follow them perfectly, naturally, your partner or your lover, your spouse will actually start, you know, seeking to have a good relationship with you in kind.
However, if they don’t, or if following the rules yields absolutely zero fruit, you know, immediately that probably, it should be recommended that you get a divorce and move on. Right? That’s what I would recommend. Oh, sorry, I missed with the microphone here. So, anyway, just understand that it’s our responsibility as human beings to understand each other.
Remember, love your neighbor as yourself, and through loving your neighbor as yourself. What business do you have loving anyone if you can’t love yourself first? That’s why you know, when it comes to these eight rules for loving, it’s not necessarily about that particular type and question. You should also watch the eight rules for loving for your own type. And then as a result of understanding what your own type is basically as a result, and what are the rules that we need to be followed for loving yourself maybe if you apply those rules to yourself, you might be He’s successful in loving yourself.
If you want to find out more as to how that works, watch the four pillars of self intimacy as the season six playlist here on this YouTube channel, or season six on the podcast, CS joseph.ly forward slash podcast. If you guys don’t actually, you know, wants to watch on YouTube, you can listen while you’re commuting Delhi podcast and not using up all of this. You know, gosh, what do you call it? I’m not using your data plan, basically. And that’s, and that’s I think that’s, I think that’s very valuable.
I think that’s very necessary for a lot of people, you know, to save on their data plan. This is really nice place. So, anyway, moving on. But yeah, eight rules for loving.
So just a couple of things about en TJs. Remember their communication style, their structure types with the direct initiating control, if you want to understand what that means watch season two and season 15. As it helps you understand the type grid also that they are. And T’s, they’re, they’re pragmatic, they’re abstract.
And they’re systematic, focused on doing the best way of doing things. Because their control base are focused on outcomes, not about the process, they’re all about outcomes. That’s why they’re not going to make a decision unless they know for a fact they’re going to get the outcome that they want. And it’s all about what they want.
Because they’re ENTJ is. So understand that, you know, that’s their communication style, the disposition as an intellectual as an anti, you know, comes from that pragmatism, they’re willing to break the rules for that getting that better result, they’re people that are more likely to, you know, ask forgiveness instead of permission because they’re very pragmatic, etc. And, you know, all those things are very important, of course. So, with that being said, Yeah, I was just like, ran into a tree.
It’s kind of interesting doing some night filming. But you know, why not do some experimentation is what YouTube is all about, right? Experimentation, right? You know, it’s not like I’m trying to like make my own version of The Blair Witch Project. Let’s be straight. So anyway, ENTJ’s.
So, ENTJ’s, have a lot of struggles with relationships, a lot of struggles, especially since you know, when they when it comes to their version bias and watch it season seven to understand virtue advice of each of the types, the virtue in the vise of the ENTJ is altruism, or generosity versus greed. And ENTJs are some of the most greedy of all of the types, let’s be, let’s be straight, but they’re also the most generous, they’re most altruistic. I’d say like, you know, most of the NT j’s are Randian objectivist. Whether or not they actually identify with that belief system or not, the INTJ archetype exists as the Randian objectivist.
And when you’re trying to, like, you know, have eight rules for loving Ian TJs. It’s like, okay, well, what exactly? What, how does one actually love a Randian? objectivist? Right? Well, it’s actually very, very simple. It’s very easy. But you know, Randian, objectivist, they’re, they’re ultimately libertarian, they’re people who want to have full freedom of choice.
They want to be able to earn their way and they expect others to earn their way as well. They want to have the opportunity to be able to earn and do it with a sense of freedom. They also want to be able to, you know, become these people who 08:33 were very giving. So, now hold on, this is where people are like, Okay, well wait, when you know what, I’m an ENFP.
And you say my virtue advice is charity, you know, versus depravity. So what’s the difference? So charity? Charity is like generosity. It’s like, it sounds the same. What’s the difference? The prime difference between generosity of charities that generosity means you’re very giving to one person at a time and you give a lot.
That’s generosity, right? That’s altruism. And you give a lot that’s like, dropping $5 million, boom on just like one person or one thing, right? You don’t do it very often, is the INTJ way. But the ENFP way, the ENFP way of charity, well, that’s a little bit different. The ENFP way is, over time, because naturally, you know, path of least resistance for ENFPs is that they can become so depraved and so selfish, that they end up having a reputation.
They have a reputation of being depraved. They have this crazy reputation of being depraved. And, you know, that sucks. That sucks a lot.
This is why when they’re being charitable charity means you’re giving to somebody. It’s a small amount, but high frequency it’s happening a lot and to a lot of people Pull, which means word gets out that, oh, this ENFP is charitable, and then that, you know, takes away that reputation of depravity. That’s a difference. It’s about reputation, it’s about te child reputation.
Whereas from an E INTJ standpoint, their generosity or their altruism is actually not about their reputation as much as it is them, their se child giving someone the ultimate experience. That’s what it’s really about. Right. So when you’re looking at the eight rules for loving E and TJ is you got to keep in mind their, their their virtue and their vice.
Because the more you exercise, the eight rules for love when it comes to e and t J’s, the INTJ will more likely get closer to their virtue and not their vice. This is one of the results are the reasons why you would want to exercise the eight rules for loving any of the 16 types. But when it comes to en TJs, it keeps them generous, it keeps them altruistic. If you’re any NTJ, and you’re watching this, exercise the eight rules for love for yourself.
So you can learn some additional techniques on loving yourself outside of you know, taking responsibility for meeting your own needs having personal standards, obviously, then also having personal boundaries and enforce them and then knowing what your personal goals are. And then those four combined, then you can have a roof over your head of self respect, right? That’s season six content in a nutshell. So in order for you to reach those areas you become or at will the result of that as a result of reaching those areas, you become altruistic, right? So, but the thing is, is like, what if you’re in a relationship with an E and TJ, and they’re very vital? What happens if you’re in a relationship and they’re very greedy? They’re greedy with their time or they’re workaholics, right? Or they won’t let you spend money or they’re being too controlling, et cetera, right? What if a lot of these bad behaviors is not necessarily their fault, but it’s actually your fault? What if What if it’s your fault? What if you are the reason? Because you’re not taking care of your half of the relationship with your E and TJ? That they feel unloved? That they feel disrespected? Remember, relationships are all about love and respect, right? And what is the source of what makes it what makes what makes someone lovable? It’s beauty beauty makes somebody lovable right? Well, what makes somebody noble Right? Or what what makes someone respectable? It’s what it’s all about nobility nobility. A man’s nobility is what makes him respectable.
Now remember, sure, man, men want love, but not as much as they want respect. It’s not good enough for a woman to say, I love you. To a man. It is not good enough.
Women have this problem of falling in love with just about any Jackass on the street. Men instinctually know this. You guys don’t get that. I recommend you guys watch season four playlist on this YouTube channel and outline exactly why that is the case.
Right? Why is CS Joseph making this claim? Go season four, right? Season Four playlist on his YouTube channel watch all six episodes in order. So love and respect, right? Men, you know, but women when wants to be loved, not as much as they want to be respected. And then there’s like all these women, especially E and TJ women, because they’re very masculine women, they’re like, now we want to be more respected than love. They say that that’s not actually true.
That’s really not actually true. Because why else do I find the INTJ women especially in my coaching practice in abusive relationships, consistently abusive relationships, I it’s like so crazy to me to watch all these and TJ women with their se child, given the men in their life, really good experiences, etc. And then all of a sudden, all the sudden, they just allow this constant stage of this constant abuse and this the state of codependence. It’s absolutely asinine.
To me. It makes absolutely zero sense, right? And I find this I find this to be absolutely frustrating. So why Why can’t Why can’t people? Why can’t people get to a point where where, like, they understand that, you know, you just you know, you need you need love, you know, you need it’s more than just love. It’s more than just respect.
It’s an equilibrium. It’s a yin yang equilibrium. So when it comes to ENTJ’s, right, you know, it’s oftentimes you’d hear the INTJ women out there because you know, a lot of them they’re very successful in business or will be successful. They’re very career minded, because te here is all about achievements.
Achievement is everything to E and TJ is especially INTJ woman, especially the end J men, achievement is everything. And then you’d have the freedom to achieve. Oftentimes they find themselves in these abusive relationships and their spouse or their partner is not even allowing them to achieve because their spouse or and partners always trying to dominate their attention or take their choice away, or they think less of them and less of their capability. And then all of a sudden, the E and TJ starts believing that this pert, they’re believing this person that is supposedly their lover, or their spouse is this person who lacks confidence in them and like, Okay, if this person who is my spouse who’s so close to me really believes this about me, or thinks this about me, maybe I’m not as good as I feel I might be.
And then that just causes the NTJ to implode on themselves, because they’re so afraid of being not good enough, not worthy enough, they don’t even try. And then all of a sudden, they wake up at 40 years old, and then they’re in the middle of their midlife crisis, right? Because they’re believing a lie. Because their lover, their partner, their spouse doesn’t actually love them doesn’t actually respect them, right? Well, here you go and T J’s. Here’s the eight rules for loving E and TJ so that you know whether or not you are being respected.
So that you know whether or not you are being loved. So that you can take care of yourself better. So you can take responsibility for meeting your own needs and having personal standards, you know, the rules that you set out for yourself. So you can meet your own needs, or personal boundaries.
You know, you the rules that you set up. So other people outside of you this includes your children, by the way, the seclusion so that other people do not inhibit you from meeting your own needs, right. What about that? Oh, and then obviously, after you have all that figured out, then you have personal goals. Nice.
Right? So eight rules? Here are the eight rules. Rule number one. Here it goes rule number one, and we’re already at 17 minutes in rule number one. Rule number one is this.
16:56 Always be brutally honest with your NTJ. Even if it hurts, even if you know it’s going to hurt them. be brutally honest, always tell the truth. Always tell them exactly what’s on your mind.
And always exactly what you’re thinking. Have you guys ever read the book attached, where he talks about avoidant attachment style, right? avoidant attachment style, where you keep everything bottled up inside, and you don’t actually talk about your problems or your feelings are issues, especially with your spouse or your lover. You know, I was with Railgun earlier today. And she started talking about how it’s really lame that, you know, people out there have conversations about the problems and their relationships with other people, instead of actually their spouses, their lovers, et cetera, their partners, they actually are willing to have conversation with people that aren’t actually the person that it’s involved with.
And it’s like, okay, wait a minute. Those people, those people that people who have avoidant attachment style, those people are avoidant, right. That’s a problem. So being avoidant, that’s not cool.
Being avoidant, there’s no, there’s no excuse for that. Okay, so read the book attached ENTj’s are people who love ENTJ’s read the book attached. It’s funny, what type out of all the 16 types is the most likely to have avoidant attachment style. Oh, wait a minute, that’s the golden pair with the en TJ, the intp.
That’s right. So intp is if you’re watching this, it is your duty and your responsibility to read that book and make sure that you gain secure attachment style instead of avoidant attachment style, because you’re just going to cause pain to your NTJ. And then I would be the guy to recommend to your E and TJ, that they make you feel unwanted, that they don’t value you and that they would ultimately leave you and want somebody else. I would tell them that to their face.
And I wouldn’t feel bad about it. I wouldn’t feel guilty about it. I would be egging them on and sharing them as they dumped you in the dumpster where you belong. Because of your inability to come to terms the fact that maybe you should be securing yourself and be willing to express or criticize or tell your NTJ the hard truth regardless of how it makes them feel.
If you are too guilty to tell your NTJ the truth or to guilty to be honest with them. What the hell Why are you in a relationship with them to begin with? This doesn’t even make sense to me. Why? I thought your TI hero Why are you allowing feelings my feelings to get in the way of TI hero truth What are you guys doing? You’re supposed to be those brilliant all the types other than INFP is where’s that ti hero truth bring it out show me that’s all the INTJ ever wants his brutal honesty someone who’s just gonna be straight up honest with them to the point where like, you know, like, oh, you know this this does this make me look fat and you know to Here’s like, yep, yes, it does. And then they get all butthurt se child butthurt about it, but then at least you’re honest with them.
Because the thing is, if you’re not honest with them, they’re gonna lose trust in you, but at least you’re willing to criticize them. Because now your E and TJ has the opportunity to improve themselves, right? And then you intp are not butthurt about the fact that your ENT TJ is dressing ugly, or letting their body go or being irresponsible? How are they going to change? Oh, but then you maybe have nice guy syndrome. Let’s see, another book you need to read is no more Mr. Nice Guy, maybe you’re being too nice.
So if you’re just telling the truth to your NTJ, there’s no risk of you having nice guy syndrome, or you being too nice. You have to be willing to tell the truth, the harsh, unadulterated unabridged truth. That is rule number one, tell the harsh truth, even if it risks hurting your ENTJ’s feelings, because that’s what they need the most. And the reason why they’re in a relationship with you to begin with, is because you probably used to tell them the truth all the time.
But instead, you got to afraid, afraid that they wouldn’t value you anymore or afraid that they wouldn’t, you know, be willing to have a relationship with you anymore. Because what, oh, I was too critical. Wow. Maybe you shouldn’t be in a relationship with somebody that can’t take the heat of truth.
Maybe that would be the more responsible decision, right? So rule number two, always give your NTJ a choice. They’re all about their future. They’re all about, you know, sometimes very impulsive. Sometimes, though, you gotta be willing to warn them that what they want to do is irresponsible.
You want to keep them responsible, right? Responsibility is everything, keep them responsible. And, you know, ENTJ’s in their youth, they’re very irresponsible with what they want. You know, they’re, it’s like, hey, you know, I’m a serial monogamist, I’ll just, you know, have sex with whoever don’t matter, you know, they get very irresponsibly become that party animal. All about giving everyone that really good experience all about having the center of attention, all while having the reputation of putting on the biggest parties.
And the biggest everything’s right, driving the biggest vehicles. Wearing the coolest clothes, go on to the biggest clubs big, big, big, go big or go home type of attitude, these ENTJ’s Well, pretty impulsive. So impulsive sometimes that like, you know, when they’re in a relationship with somebody for seven years, and that person is loyal to them for seven years, then all of a sudden, you know, they end up going after someone who’s in a relationship with somebody else. That’s half their age, for example, what happens then? Right? Oh, but that NTJ is being impulsive.
So you have to be willing to hold your NTJ accountable, give them choices, but make sure that they’re wise choices, make sure that that is the responsible choice. So when they tell you oh, I want this, you’d be like, okay, yeah, sure. But it’s not the wise choice. Question them? Is it the wisest choice? Is this the responsible choice for you.
So what you offer the INTJ is options. You offer the E and TJ options, options that yeah, maybe if you want to do Santos Gambit, they all benefit you in the end. But really think about it this way. All you have to do is tell the NTJ what you think is the best choice and why? Because if you don’t, they’re gonna find themselves in a situation where they get impulsive, and they’re gonna want the wrong thing.
And they’re at risk of being irresponsible with what they want, which then will turn into you and them having a bad experience together as a result. So presents the INTJ with wise choices with responsible choices, right? Not just any choice, but choices that ultimately are not impulsive, and are planned and calculated and precise, right? Precision of choice. Provide them with precise, wise, well thought out decisions, so that they are making the best choice. So that’s rule number two, provide Ian TJs with the best choice, right? Rule number three, always react positively to everything that they show you they are going out of their way to make a cake or make a meal or, Hey, I bought these clothes today or hey, how do you think this looks right? Always ask you all the time.
So be honest with them and share with them how you react to that. Don’t be those lazy I NPS out there? are even those lazy enps out there who just choose not to react out of just pure laziness. That’s annoying. It’s especially annoying to ENTJ’s because it’s like, I give you feedback all the time.
I always tell you how I feel all the time. But the least you could do for me is taste this and tell me if this meal tastes good to you. At least the least you could do for me, is try out my new barbecue recipe and tell me if it’s any good. The least you could do is tell me what you want me what you would prefer me to wear, what kind of clothes I should buy? What clothes do I want to buy, actually, because you’re like, Oh, I like that.
constantly tell your NTJ what gives you a good experience what makes you comfortable, if you don’t share that information with them, and then call them out later for making you uncomfortable? That makes you a hypocrite. That makes you a hypocrite. And that is not love towards an EN TJ that’s actually sanely disrespectful and unloving, you need to tell them, what gives you a good experience, because that’s why they’re in a relationship with you. They want to give you the best possible experience ever.
It’s their inner child for crying out loud, they just want to give you a good experience. They just want you to be comfortable. They want you to have the best possible sexual experience ever that they can that you can only get it from them. Because they want to be that high achiever, right? 26:34 That’s all I ask the child is all about that high achiever.
And then they want to be able to receive credit for their achievements from you. So you give them credit by saying wow, that was a really good experience you give them wow, that was great. That was a good bedroom experience. You want him saying, Well, that was a really good meal that you made her while you drove that car really well.
You have to constantly say, Hey, this is a good experience. Here’s another example. Demonstrations of loyalty, super important. Share with them, share everything with them, give them photos of what you’re doing throughout the day.
So they don’t feel like that you’ve been that, you know, their their loss, that they’re still actually relationship with them. Because if you’re not doing that, you know, they’re so forgetful, that they need you to remember everything or at least demonstrate that you care by be like, hey, you know, I’m gonna send you a photo of what I’m doing right now. Right? Also, e and t j’s are big, super big on sexting. Why are you not sexting with your NTJ lover? I highly recommend it.
Although I prefer that you’re gonna be sending naked photos of each other, be married first. Like that’s like the wise decision. So be married. But yeah, ultimately understand, you know, demonstrations of loyalty, as well saying, you know, responding in kind to the kind of attention that they give you give them your attention.
That is rule number three. Give them positive affirmation in terms of attention, right. Rule number four. ENTJ are so afraid of being bad people, they’re so afraid of being bad wives or bad husbands are not good enough or not worthy enough, that they will go out of their way to do the good thing all the time.
Sometimes in their quest to do the good thing, they don’t actually do a good thing. They think they’re doing a good thing, but they don’t. So what you need to tell them is by following rule number one of being 100% honest with them, when they actually do do the good thing. You tell them to their face, I think highly of you.
Makes them feel good. It makes them feel on cloud nine, while I’m a really good person. Also, you can tell them, hey, if you do this, then that means you’re a good person. Why a man that can be used for manipulation.
Be real careful when you use that. Be real Don’t be like manipulative, or at least malicious. Don’t be malicious. Ly manipulative, be positively manipulative, right? Make them feel good.
Always make your E and TJ feel better about themselves. It takes the fear away. So when you tell them, hey, I’m having a really good experience, or hey, I really think highly of you or hey, no one makes me more comfortable than you in the whole world. Or, hey, that was the best sex I’ve ever had in my life.
Or hey, you say all these things, and you’re basically reacting to them. Especially in the bedroom. They want to be able to touch you and you react to them instantly touch per touch. They want that immediate physical, sensual feedback from you.
Are you willing to go that far? Because if you’re not giving them that response to that feedback, they think that they’re not doing a good job and then they freak out and then there is no sexual compatible ability and the relationship, you know, and then it’s like the painter trying to paint the painter. You both are aiming your paint brushes at each other and getting everything real dirty. Whereas one person has got to be the canvas. If you’re in a relationship with an INTJ it’s your job to be the canvas.
That means you might be at risk in the bedroom situation of just laying there. Because guess what? ENTJs want you to be their Canvas. So be the canvas. It’s okay.
Luckily for them, I n p is and enps. They’re pretty cool being canvases, especially I MPs. Some AI MPs have described sexual experiences with me where all they did was just lay there. Because that se child takes that painting experience very seriously.
So rule number five, rule number five. And TJs are always so worried about what they think. And they’re so worried that they’re wrong, that they will go to multiple sources, multiple reference points for their te hero to find what the truth is, they’re always on this quest to find higher truth, right. And then part of following rule number one through cognitive access, yes, by being harsh and true to them.
That’s very useful. But every now and then, in order to make sure that you’re telling the truth, it is your job to make sure that you’re doing proper research yourself, the more research you do, that the more input you give yourself, makes your TI your intelligence, your ability to wield true false itself, and a more efficient manner such that you can go to the E and TJ, and be like, Hey, you might want to think about this. And actually bring the E and TJ reference points sometimes, and to get them thinking about things because it takes all their worry away. Because they’re worried they’re not actually that’s smart.
And they remind them in their achievements with somebody who’s stupid not be or unintelligent, not be able to accomplish all these things. When someone who is who is stupid not be as artistic as you are, right? Because remember, you know you in the relationship, you are basically in art projects to an INTJ. They need the freedom to create, they need the ability to make you into this person who is absolutely everything that they’re looking for. So so keep that in mind.
It’s really, it’s really important that, you know, you’re always making sure that you’re armed with the proper research to the reference points, in case for some reason, you’re they are not able to solve their own problems so that they look to you to solve that problem. Or if you don’t know the answer, you have to be willing to find the answer, or help them find the answer. It takes their worry away. Because sometimes NT J’s worry about, well, if I’m in this situation, and I gotta react in the moment, I might not have all the facts.
This is especially important in E and TJs. careers. I know that we’ve been talking about sex a lot so far in this lecture, but let’s talk about their careers. Like when they’re in their careers, they need to be in the know they need to have all of the information for proper decision making an INTJ is all about there.
They are decision makers, they are executors, they can’t decision make properly, they can’t execute properly, unless they have all the information. If you are withholding information from your NTJ you are being unloving. So that’s Rule five, do not withhold information. Always provide information and references.
Even if you do not know the answer. Go find it and bring it to them. So they can stop worrying. Because once the worry is out of the way, then they will do a great job an amazing job at that meeting at that seminar at that business at that job interview, they will kill it because you help them get all of the information that they needed to be effective.
Rule number six, always tell your E and TJ what you’re going to do before you do it. Naturally, they get so critical towards other people’s intentions, that sometimes they get the idea, the wrong idea the wrong impression that you’re about to cheat on them. I have known some ENTJ’s who cheat on their partner, spouse lover because they jump to a conclusion and assume that the other person has cheated on them. It’s actually a problem that all n J’s have the ENTJ’s specifically think that’s a problem.
NT J’s need to realize that just because their opinion of a person can change on a whim doesn’t necessarily mean that their lover or their partner or their spouse has a high opinion of them changes on a whim. So you have to remind them of that all the time. You have to be like listen, I have a very high opinion of you and it’s not going to change. It’s also like a demonstration of loyalty for their st child for following rule number three, right? is super important.
They will always be critical of everyone’s intentions because the NTJ automatically assumes regardless of their experiences in their life, regardless of the abuses in their life, they could have never had a bad experience, they could have never had a bad betrayal in their life, they could have never been screwed over in their whole life, but they will still potentially treat you as if you will betray them as if you are a traitor. If they start treating you like a trailer trader, stop being avoidant. And then just be like, well, if I’m gonna do the time, I may as well do the crime, how about, you get in the end Chase face and you criticize them and grind them into dust with your harsh truth? You know, following rule number one. So that you’re like, see, I’m not betraying you.
And then they’ll feel bad about themselves. And then the want to fix the problem because they feel bad is like, okay, yeah, that’s not true. I was jumping to the wrong conclusion, and I was judging you for something you didn’t even do. So how do you solve that problem, ultimately, tell the E and TJ, what you’re going to do or where you’re going to be before you’re there, in TJ is are all about plants.
They’re all about outcomes. It’s like, okay, well, what’s your outcome? Where are you going to be? What’s your, you know, why? Why are you going to this grocery store at this time or whatever, 36:30 they just want to know, they just want to be included, right? They want to know what’s in your head, tell them your thoughts. And tell them, hey, you know, what you’re going to do or where you’re going to be ahead of time, just share that with them. Create a plan, a mutual plan that both of you have, and agree to it.
That way, the E and TJ feels safe. Otherwise, they’re not going to feel safe. Otherwise, they’re going to think that their relationship is out of control, or they’re going to feel that you don’t trust them. Because you’re not willing to share what you’re doing.
Now. Granted, you may be trying to surprise your ENT TJ with something that happens. So you either got to be extra stinky or you just got to tell them. No, I can’t tell you is first surprise.
That’s fine. NT J’s likes surprises. Of course, most sa users like surprises, right? That’s how that works. Rule number seven.
Make sure that you help your NTJ remember things. They need memory tools, memory tools like Evernote or minds note mind mapping software or note taking software, all of these things right? Very necessary to an INTJ because they’ll forget. Hold your INTJ economists accountable tell them to their face. Exercising rule number one, hey, I don’t think it’s a good idea for you not to be taking notes.
Why where’s your notepad? Why did you forget your notepad? Why are you taking notes on your phone? Why are you transposing those notes your centralized note repository like on Evernote, because of the INTJ is don’t store their memories in the physical environment somehow store them outside themselves. They will forget they need totems, take photos, it’s absolutely critical that you take photos so that you have totems, photos, reminders, that’s what a totem is. It’s a reminder, reminder of past shared experiences. Because the thing is, is that if you really are an ENTJ’s lover, if you really are in a relationship with an N TJ, the moment you die, half of them die is with them with you.
They lose all their memories, because you yourself are a walking reminder of your relationship, you yourself is what half of their entire identity is tacked on to they built their entire identity around you because they have si trickster. So if you die, all their memories die with you. This is why it’s especially important to make sure you are chronicling your relationship with the INTJ and you are demanding and expecting your NTJ to chronicle as well. It is absolutely critical.
So make sure rule number seven, make sure my ENTJ is chronicling. And then rule number eight this is one thing that really bothers me about people. You ever want to know where resting bitchface comes from. See and TJ is especially in TJ women get constantly demonized or derided by other people, especially other women for having resting bitchface or being too emasculating.
Right. And it’s because women by and large are expected to have really high feelings and feel good and, you know, make decisions based on emotions, whereas INTJ women make decisions based on numbers and rationale. So why, why do you expect them to behave in a way that they are not stopped doing that? Recognize the ENTJ’s don’t give a damn how anyone feels. They don’t care how you feel.
They care about how they feel. But hopefully you’re an intp. And you don’t have to care about how you feel either because you don’t. So it makes the relationship great because you don’t care about how they feel.
They don’t care about how you feel. So no problem, no issue, right? Do not hold an E and TJ to the standard of trying to be empathic of oh, you need to feel other people’s feelings. Well, how would that make you No. Sympathy is like when someone says, Well, how would that make you feel right? When you feel something because you’re augmenting the experience that someone has is what makes NTJ so sympathetic, and ultimately, so generous and so altruistic through that sympathy.
But empathy is actually being aware of how somebody else feels right? Don’t expect an INTJ to be aware of how anyone feels except themselves. It’s not their job. Stop it. If you do that, and you tell the INTJ that they’re a bad person, because obviously they don’t care.
Oh, wow. They’re like, okay, yeah, you really think I don’t care? Yeah, I really don’t care. Let me show you. Let me prove to you how much I really don’t care.
You know? And then what’s very manipulative part of that comes out and they’re just like, Oh, hey, no, oh, I’m gonna love you, I’m gonna take care of you, right? Except you’ll be in a prison for the rest of eternity. Or I’m going to cook this meal for you. And they’ll be laced parasites and you’re going to die a horrible, painful, slow death. But you know, I just caring about you, right? I see, I’ll show you how caring I really am.
I’ll show you. Right, as Fe demon, right. Maybe you shouldn’t allow if you do win by coming up by not expecting them to have this ethical code of behavior. NT j’s are naturally inclined to treating people like numbers and treating people like cattle, you have to remind them that they need to be human, obviously, and criticize them appropriately so that they are not treating people like cattle.
It’s very important. But at the same time, it is not their job to care about other people and care for other people, because they’ve made it their job to care for themselves. I have had to care for myself, and I have expected nobody else to care for me. So why do I have to care about anyone else when no one cared about me to begin with? That’s their whole point of view.
And that point of view needs to be respected. If you do not respect it, their demon will come out. And that’s because you are being unloving towards your INTJ. So what is the rule, the rule is, don’t expect them to be aware of how anyone feels, do not force them to be aware of how anyone feels it’s not their job, it is their job to be aware of how they feel, and it is your job to make them feel better, to make them feel good about themselves.
It is absolutely critical that you do this. So let’s let’s sum up what we’ve learned today. So ENTJ’s, rule one, be brutally honest, always share your brutal honest thoughts, your E and TJ, even if it hurts their feelings. It’s the only thing that they have to grow it is the standard with which they live by and often ie ENTJ’s as their lover spouse, partner may hang off of every word.
So why would you hide the truth from them? Why would you try to hide your true thoughts from them? That’s dumb. In fact, it’s stupid. Don’t do it. I thought you’re supposed to be smart.
If you’re in a relationship with an INTJ. Right? What are you doing? You know, unruled rule to always help them make the best choice. The best choice is absolutely critical. There are a lot of choices out there, but they need help making the best one they need help making the right one.
It’s not like an ESF P or an ESTP where you just let them have a choice and any choice is a good choice. No, no, with an INTJ that choice needs to be the responsible choice. Help them make the best choice help them make the most responsible choice. And then Rule three, like I said, 44:43 always react positively to anything that they show you.
Demonstrate loyalty to them. steadfastness, perseverance, persevere for them. Always be there for them. Be willing to drop everything at a hat for them if they need to.
And always give them good food. feedback or negative feedback as needed, based on how they look or the meals that they cook, or how they sound or anything visual audio or sensory, so that they can adjust it to give you a better experience, because that’s all they want to do. Right? Let them be on top in the bedroom. That’s another good way of putting it.
Rule Four, always make them be a better person, remind them that they are worthy of you, basically. And then Rule five, make sure that you help them find answers that they don’t know the answers to, to destroy that worry that they have. And so that you take that worry away by giving them reference points and information. Rule six, always tell your INTJ what you’re going to do before you do it, tell them your intentions.
So that they are not critical of your intentions, they do not assume that you are going to betray them. Rule seven, help them remember everything, help them create totems and reminders. So they can remember who they are because you yourself will be a totem and when you’re gone, they won’t be able to remember anymore teach them they will be more effective in their careers as well as their relationship with you, if they remember things. And they can as long as they chronicle so help your n TJ Chronicle.
And rule number eight, which was what we just talked about, do not expect them to care about what other people feel like that’s your job. Technically, in a relationship. It is not their job, their job, they’ve had to take care of themselves this whole time, it is not their responsibility to take care of somebody else. And at least somebody else’s feelings.
That is right. It’s not their job to take care of someone else’s feelings in the relationship, that would technically be your job, because hopefully you’re an NTP. Right. So anyway, folks, that is the eight rules for loving ENTJ’s.
If you found this lecture, useful, helpful, educational, enlightening, please subscribe to us here on YouTube. Also on the podcast, leave a like while you’re at it. And a comment below that would be great. I read all the comments, lots of comments to read these days haven’t been around very much.
We’re still working on that quiz. It’s coming out guys, where people will be able to type themselves on our website, it is coming. And we’ll get that result out to everybody. But it’s been a it’s been a long way going.
And I would like to thank the en TJs and their altruism and their generosity towards me in this community, especially some of those of you who are financially providing for for us to keep the lights on even though the lights are technically off right now because it’s dark out, right? So but every little bit counts, even if it’s just $5 a month on the Patreon and that’s patreon.com forward slash CS Joseph. Otherwise, folks, just remember, it’s your responsibility to follow the eight rules for loving ENTJ’s, just keep sharing your thoughts. Give them choices, help them reach the best choice. respond positively to any experience that they give you or negatively so that you can help them give you an even better experience.
Don’t hide from them. Don’t hide anything, share everything with them, help them become better people make them feel good about themselves. Help them make better decisions. If I given the proper reference points.
If you don’t know the answer, go find it for them, or help or go on it on a journey with them to find it. Tell them what your intentions are. Help them remember things by remembering for them. And also don’t expect them to care for other people’s feelings because that’s not fair to them.
So if you follow these rules, that’s you loving an E and TJ and the way that they need to be loved, and hopefully, they will respond in kind. So with all that being said, Folks, this is CS Joseph signing off. I’ll see you guys later tonight.