8 Rules for Loving an ENFP | Season 27 | CS Joseph
CS Joseph discusses 8 rules for loving and ENFP.
Welcome to the CS Joseph podcast. I’m your host, CS Joseph. Naturally. This is season 26 Episode 88 rules for loving ENFPs Hope y’all enjoy.
Well, I was surprised the dogs right next to me here have just exploded and laughter or barking, you’re insane. Either way, it’s pretty fascinating. Welcome to my nighttime walk while I am doing this particular lecture. guy that was loud and distracting.
Shouldn’t have that anymore to deal with that anymore at least. So last episode, we talked about eight rules for loving ENTPS. And it was pretty raw episode. All right.
Excuse me, I just have a fresh off my dinner right now. But anyway, we got pretty, we got pretty raw, we got pretty obvious with how somebody, you know, the rules, how someone should be living in TPS, etc. But in a piece, you might think that, hey, you know, they got half the functions with an TPS, all the same rules apply to them? I mean, yeah, sort of, kind of maybe. But not really as much as one would think.
Not really. So ENFPs are kind of, well, they’re very complex. One of the reasons why they’re so complex is because they are literally the most abstract of all the types, they are the absolute most open minded, I’d say, of the 16 types. And that basically means that it carries a lot of complication, you just, and not only that they have their deadly sins of wrath.
And last, you know, that come from being part of the soul temple. And they’re very focused on, you know, being a person of good character or finding people of good character. Whereas an intp is more focused on passion. So the rules for loving ENFPs end up changing and adjusting to kind of fit the either the narrative or the imperative, I guess, is a more accurate word, the imperative of their temple, which is the soul temple.
And the main deadly sin they have as lost in their secondary deadly sin is grass. It’s one of the reasons why my MSP mentor, Mr. Jeff Fisher, could end up leaving some little kids, Dad beaten up bloody on the floor, you know, shaking him down for money after he didn’t pay up his debt for a drug deal that they did previously. And that ends up being, you know, big issue.
So it’s interesting how ENFPs often get involved with those kinds of Shakedowns. Definitely shut that guy down, but he didn’t get any money out of it. One of the additional crimes, you know, that was just kind of added to him and his character basically. And it’s just, it’s so interesting, because you see people who are part of the soul temple, and they are all about character.
But when it comes down to it, they have the worst character of all the types. It’s just so fascinating to me. And then they oscillate between best and worst character. It’s so fascinating.
But then again, you look at an intp, like myself, who was part of the heart temple, and the heart Temple is all about passion, right? And, by the way, if you guys don’t know about the temples, we have some episodes on it. Which I’m going to be reshooting those to go into larger depth pretty soon. And those are available in the members area. For those of you that last year.
likes to season 18 CS joseph.ly, forward slash members join journeyman. So you become a member and get access to that private content. When we release our own version of the INIA gram, which I believe is going to happen in April, I hope, when we release our own version of it won’t be called a new diagram, that’s for sure. It’s been more spokes of it added, etc.
But when it comes around, it’s going to be very simple focused, and you’re gonna have to know the temples in order to navigate your way on that. So more on that later. But ENFPs as much as I hate to admit it, they really are special snowflakes, they really are. Given that they’re the most abstract level types, they’re triple affiliative, they’re also triple movement, which is insane.
If you think about it, they’re always moving so quickly, it’s hard to keep them down. There’s so insanely open minded, they have all these abstract concepts organized and, and they actually follow themes. And thank you, Chris, for making me aware of how somatic they are, and how themes are actually what guides the TE child thinking of an ENFP, which is kind of it because if you think about it, like rationale kind of works, from a somatic point of view, and not a logical or factual pointed point of view. And it’s nice to understand that thing.
And at any given point in time within an ENFPs life, they’re actually living by themes. They really are living by themes. And if you’re not going to fit that particular theme, or have the ability to change between themes, it’s kind of like, they have this eternal cosplay in their head, and new their lover has to get used to putting on a new costume all the time. You’re kind of gonna get fallen behind.
And that’s a huge, huge issue. But what’s really interesting about that, is that Templar types, Templars are oftentimes willing to go so far as to roleplay, whatever seem that the ENFP is actually in the mood to do. And, you know, good on them. That’s, it’s really, it’s really important.
So yeah, roleplay, when it comes to ENFP, sexual relationships is a really big deal. It just makes T child happy. It makes si inferior happy because of the variety that comes from roleplay as a result. Now, there are a few ENFPs watching this right now.
And they’re like, No, that’s not me. Well, that’s because you’ve been too scared. If you’re si in theory to try something new. And it doesn’t actually have anything to do with your life experience.
Maybe you should just you know, I don’t know, stop being a pussy, and actually try it out. You might actually have fun in your life, you might actually enjoy your life, especially your sexuality. So stop putting limits on yourself. And I nemesis, you might want to like stop worrying and despairing about your own future.
And stop always going for the vanilla, right? I thought you guys were the most abstract the all the types. I thought you had the most open minded, you know, I get that you’re triple affiliative. But get over the affiliative Aren’t you supposed to be affiliative for the sake of becoming pragmatic or understanding pragmatism? I mean, that’s, that’s the whole point behind what it is to be an ENFP asker Ra. So why not? Also, like I get that people are frustrated, they can’t really see me on this walk.
But get over it. Like, the audio is more important than the video. I mean, who wants to be like seeing my talking head all the time? So remember, this is a podcast first, YouTube channel second. Okay.
So for those of you out there who disagree with that, or were not aware, no, you know, that’s just how I roll. It’s all about my si inferior convenience. And the reality of the situation is, I will continue to put my convenience over everybody else’s convenience. Otherwise, I’m not going to show up, because that’s what my si inferior needs.
So I would ask that this audience would help continue to meet that need as I continue to cast vision for all of you. So you guys can have better lives. I think it’s a very nice trade. That’s my ESFP demon talking With his interest based awareness, so you guys are getting, and this is what I need to do.
This is what I need to get out of it in order for me to keep continuing. So convenience when content creation is important. So anyway, you got to understand, like from an ENFP point of view, here they are this special snowflake. And they are extremely integral to the fabric of society itself.
And basically, when it comes to fostering ideas, 10:39 and inserting the freshest, newest ideas into people in order to cause cultural change, and it’s because of just how open minded they are, and it’s through that open mindedness, that they are so open minded to all things sexual, you will not find anyone more open minded than an ENFP. When it comes to sexuality, I think this is why their golden pair inf J’s loved them so much, because ENFPs aren’t going to limit them, they’re not going to take away their choice, they’re going to allow their lover to have absolute maximum freedom in the bedroom, to do whatever they want to the ENFP. And it’s kind of interesting, because the NFJ shadow, the ENFP has some kind of benevolence, about their sexuality, when they share themselves with other people. And that’s something that just has to be known.
But it’s also something that needs to be respected, nurtured and taken care of. Because an ENFP, if Nina if he’s worth their salt, they’re going to stay with their boundary zone. And you know, INFJs, for example, I’m just using that as an example. This also applies to ISTPs, because they have the most optimistic sexuality, or the most optimistic sexual compatibility with an ENFP that communicating those boundaries is really important, especially to those two types, because they’re so afraid of failure.
And they’re so afraid of, you know, God help them rejection. But the ENFP is not going to reject them, the ENFP, even most of all, is not going to pressure them. Se demon just doesn’t care about pressuring other people, especially in the bedroom. Also, of course, the ENFP actually feels pressured.
And what se inferior se parent is really going to be pressuring their partner sexually. They really don’t. And even if it seems like they are, they’re going to back off if challenged. So there’s never really a concern or worry about ENFPs rejecting their lovers.
So first things first, we could call this rule zero, don’t fear rejection when it comes to the ENFP. Also, we’ll talk a little bit about this when we get to rule two, but you got to be aware of preference ENFPs are extremely picky. And they have a lot of preferences. But that’s also a strength because they always end up taking on new preferences all the time.
It’s like a deck of cards. And because of how novel ENFPs are, they really just have this novelty, this novelty energy in the bedroom that any of their lovers can take advantage of. And they themselves can even foster that novelty. So I always see ENFPs, for example, renaissance fairs or cosplay situations, because that’s what they do.
That’s their form of roleplay. And any possible role out there is just available to them, especially when it comes to the bedroom. But then at the same time, they allow those roles to also be explored by their partners and they give their partners the full freedom to do so. And that’s just not very common out there.
And this is one of the reasons why I believe it’s not solely a fact but it’s just a belief of mine. As to why ENFPs especially ENFP men end up having some of the widest variety of lovers in their life because of that it right there, because of the special snowflake that they are. Granted, I would not recommend this for women. But for ENFP men, this is one of the reasons why they’re deadly sin is the deadly sin of lust.
And it’s really important that you at least understand why the deadly sin of lust exists. It’s really because they are trying to be the avatar of sexual variety, or the avatar of sexual novelty. They’re always trying to bring something different to the table, they’re always trying to try something here. And that’s one of the best parts about them in the bedroom.
And you don’t really have to worry about anything. And some days, you know, there might be a box with boundaries. And other days, they’ll completely remove the boundaries from me and be like, Whoa, what the hell just happened. But the difference is, at the end of the day, to you, their lover, they’re still going to tell you that, hey, guess what, you’re not going to make me uncomfortable.
You’re not you don’t make me feel unsafe, I’m not going to take your choice away, I’m not going to limit you. And that’s just something that their lovers really need to put their faith into. And I know that they’re NJ lovers especially, really struggle putting their faith into anything to the point where they may put their faith into one thing and only one thing in their whole life. Well in jays, this is one thing that you can put faith into, when it comes to your life and your relationship.
This is one thing that you can definitely bank on, you can put faith into your ENFPs desire to avoid rejecting Him. Because they don’t actually want to reject you in any way, shape or form. They really don’t. While they want to craft the theme, and potentially the roleplay and get it started.
They are looking to you to act out the part. And it’s super important. It’s like the bedroom. Or at least the bed, it’s a stage.
And they’ll stage it up for you. And then you just become the actor or the actress at that moment and take on that role. That’s all it is. That’s literally how it works.
And it becomes something beautiful, because it’s like a new play every day, a new play every week. Or maybe it’s a new play. And you rehearse it and rehearse it for three or four days in a row. And then another play after that, you see what I’m saying? Bass just kind of how it is si inferior is trying to cope with life’s that it just truly needs that novelty and that variety.
So, understanding this as a foundation, we can now go into the eight rules, because the eight rules, it’s a lot easier to understand what the ENFP is coming from when you understand how their sexuality works at a fundamental level. So first things first. Yeah, sure they got any here alright, rule one should be, you know, always make your ENFP feel wanted, right? It’s not necessarily that because of the influence of their other functions, and given the fact that they are so Lucifer type, philosopher types are a bit more selfish bit more potentially entitled a bit more, I guess solipsistic, especially the women, because they are aware of how they feel what they value over everyone else. And they’re aware of what they are experienced, what makes them comfortable and makes them feel safe.
above everyone else. This is not necessarily a bad thing, because there are types of people out there that exist, who seek that kind of behavior out and they are and they end up you know, having as fanatical loyalty to the ENFPs sexual cult of personality basically as much as the loyalty, the fanatic loyalty that comes from the ENFP towards their lovers. So, rule number one is slightly different than the rule for the ENFP very slightly different and that rule basically is make sure 19:59 that If you make the ENFP feel chosen, chosen above all others chosen, because it’s not enough to just make them feel wanted, it’s kind of easy to do that for an ENFP or an intp. Because it’s just ti parent.
It’s just like, oh, yeah, you want me we’re good done. It’s pretty simple with any intp. But it’s actually more complicated with an ENFP. Because their fi parent is still there.
And it’s like, hey, you know, that’s nice that you want me. But what causes you to choose me above others? Because the FYI parent is influencing the any hero slightly. And it’s just like, okay, that’s nice that you know, we’re having sex right now. But like, you chose to become to my stage, you could chose to come to my theater.
You chose to be the actor or the actress. You chose to take on this role. But why did you choose me? over everybody else. So you en TPS, we don’t really do that, per se, there is not that additional mental check.
Because being wanted and desired, passionately, is way different from being chosen. Being chosen means there’s like an extra layer of unique specialness there. And the ENFP really can’t live lives, especially even remotely consider being sexual with somebody unless they feel special. It’s about being special.
Which this rule to technically, always make your ENFP feel special. I actually have an anecdote to back that up. Really, really good friend of mine. His name’s Jason, we used to call him fatal.
He was his gamertag I still remember his gamertag dragon boy, zero 33. He has this whole brand around that. Probably find him on Instagram or something great. If you saw I got into some trouble with him a few times.
Oh, my God. But you know what I got I got to talk about because this guy, like, he got a girl pregnant one time. And then like she, she moved to Oregon and had the baby in Oregon or something like that. And he was driving from like Mount Vernon, Washington or something like that, or Stanwood, Washington or just really northern Washington area, drove drove all the way down to Salem, for example, driving down to Salem, every single weekend, to see his little boy.
This little boy was just everything to him. I don’t remember his son’s type. I’m trying to remember what type of son would be. I want to say II INFJ.
So what I want to say, but I think I might be wrong, his son might actually be an INFJ. But he just, he could not live with himself, knowing that his son was down there. And he drove, he did everything in his power to make sure that he’d see his son. Eventually, he learned the legal system of getting custody of his son much later.
And his son was living with them. And I’ve always just been astounded by this man’s character. Yeah. He’s got depraved depravity issues.
Yeah, there’s a couple of deals that went down or went south. Him and I were involved with back in like 2012 Well, 2010 through 2014. Basically, when I was in my northern Washington stomping grounds, and we hung out a lot, getting all sorts of high jinks. But later in his name’s Jason, fantastic, Phil, but later, Jason, Jason and I it’s actually funny, one of my very, very first coaching clients I ever had ever I think this was in oh, gosh, 2013.
One of my very, very first ones. It was this girl that he was dating, he considered marrying her. He absolutely loved her. But he could tell something was wrong in their relationship.
And and he actually described it very perfectly, but he asked me to type her and she ended up being an E INFJ. So they had a silver pair. And he said, You know, there’s just something really wrong with this relationship, and I can’t really put my finger on it. He kept on telling me over and over and over and he’s begging me, Chase, please help me figure out this relationship.
Help me figure out what’s going on here. And I’m like, alright, well, so I interviewed her. And she explained to me some of the issues she was having with him. But none of those issues actually had any merit or held any water.
Basically, it really just boiled down to hypergamy. She was having a hard time being attracted to him because he was beefing up his beta traits a little too much. And, but honestly, between you and me, he’s actually a pretty Alpha dude. In a lot of ways, he gains such personal strength and such personal integrity.
And to the point where he’s like, wow, the whole world kind of just owes me right now. Yeah, they kind of do. Given the amount of things that he has given. He’s one of those super grateful ENFPs that is able to control his depravity, and not get to a point where, you know, he’s potentially destroying other people’s lives or taking advantage of them.
He really goes out of his way to give back. So, him giving back, I mean, it’s just fantastic. He’s one of the greatest people I’ve ever met. Love that guy.
So, bye, but he sat down with me one time at Alfie’s pizza, we were at a birthday party for his son. And I just showed up with my wife and son in those days. This is after we were fresh out of homelessness, my son was probably two, or just about to turn to. And he’s now 10.
And then he sat down with me, he’s like, Look, man, I just had this huge problem with this guy, I finally figured out what it is. I’m like, okay, laid on me. He’s like, look at her. Look at her right now what she’s doing right now.
I’m like, she’s working the crowd. Everyone wants his birthday party. She’s talking to everybody having conversation with all of them. And he’s like, exactly.
Why isn’t she putting me above everybody else? Why is she caring about everyone? And putting me at the same exact level of specialness, as every person in this room? You couldn’t even tell that we’re lovers. You couldn’t even tell that we’re boyfriend girlfriend. She I give her a lot of attention. For she doesn’t even regard me at all she doesn’t.
And it’s also necessary credit like, she’s actually not even making me a priority. Really, after all this effort and all this work that I do for this woman, really? That’s ridiculous. I’m going to tell you folks, it was ridiculous. They broke up shortly thereafter, it was extremely painful ordeal.
What’s so funny about that? After they broke up, she married some rando beta guy. And I heard later she’s been miserable ever since. I don’t know if that’s true, but people talk. This is just it was just complete ridiculousness how that went down.
Oh my gosh, she thought I was such a raving lunatic talking about MBTI and cognitive functions and all that to her. You and all the way since back then. Whatever I mean, let history be the judge, right. So rule number two, make sure that you are going out of your way to make the ENFP feel special, but not just special.
Like anyone like you would anyone you got to make them feel special above everyone else. And you have to prove to that si parent concretely that they are important to you. It’s that simple. You have to make them important.
And like I said, you know, it’s not enough to just want an ENFP it’s really not enough. I don’t like en TPS where if you just want them, or intp you just want them they’ll drop their pants for you. If he’s a little bit different. They want to be chosen.
They want to be chosen because they are important to you. Right? So please make sure you understand that because if they stopped feeling important, and especially if they stopped feeling chosen by you, well, they done they dunzo they moving on. It’s especially this is especially bad with ENFP men because ENFP men because they’re very interest base, very interest base 29:52 that they will just dump a check immediately. The second they no longer feel important because he NFE men are so aware of what sexual options that they have at all times.
And they store their options in their heads at all times, and they’re all just acutely aware because every woman they could screw at any given time. You don’t think when they see a woman out in public, they’re not making note in their head of the cashier working at the grocery store? Or the lady at the gas station? They are, they can’t help it. It’s just a natural mechanism. Si inferiors do, we store every single face, name, age, location, all of that, for potential lovers on the fly.
And they do it even way better than I do. They haven’t well categorized and they’re headed there to each child. So you gotta make for sure that they feel chosen, they are important, okay, first rule rules, right? Otherwise, it’ll blow your face, and you will lose them. They won’t even be loyal to you anymore.
Nope. Not remotely. You know, especially the ENFP men, that’s like a huge, huge, huge, huge problem. You know, the one ENFP woman, sometimes they can take hits in that area, because if they’re really submissive, and they’re really feminine, and not putting their career above their men, and they understand that as they are in a relationship with a man that they are in his life, and he is not in her life.
And if they’re able to humble themselves in that way, yeah, they can take a couple of hits here and there. And it will take them longer to finally just move on. I don’t know, like, there’s a lot of ENFPs in this audience and you knew you know, who you are, when it comes to all the pain and anguish that you have suffered with your focuses relationships. And, but, man, you women have taken some huge hits.
It’s impressive, the fortitude, that you ENFP women have to be able to take those hits, it’s very impressive. It’s also impressive, you know, witnessing the final moment when you realize, okay, my boundaries are being violated, I am done. And then all of a sudden, the INFJ shadow comes out with its fiery sort of truth and just start to cut things down, including severing the relationship, it’s definitely a fantastic site to see, when it happens, how then all of a sudden, they’re leveraging their self respect, on like, any way they have previously. It’s, it’s utterly fantastic.
So beyond that, next rule. So Oh, here’s another thing as part of rule two, part of making them feel important, I gotta say this, don’t forget that SI is the investment function. And they need to see some like return on investment with you. They really need to see that.
This is kind of why Templars always have this perspective of, well, I need something to show for my effort. At the end of the day, I need to have something concrete or physical that my lover likes about me or likes that I did. At the end of the day. Well, guess what? The industry is kind of expect that, you know, because they are using their si and they’re going out of their way to invest in you.
It is the investment function. So what return on investment? Are they getting their Introverted feeling? What are you providing them? NASA fe? This is one of the reasons why templates have such pressure to keep performing is because the existence of ENFPs. So keep that in mind as well. Rule three, always treat them with respect, treat them with regard.
But here’s a way that you can actually do it, speak highly about them. But to other people, especially behind their back. There’s one thing I know is that you cannot hide from an EMP will always figure out any secret you have, especially ENFPs. They will always figure it out.
And those ENFPs they’ll always hear the bad stuff you say and always hear the good stuff you say. And there’s nothing quite like hearing good things about them from other people. Because they find out that you’re saying great things about them to other people behind their back. Because naturally, they think people are talking about them all the time, saying good or saying bad things because they take their reputation so seriously.
Obviously, as part of Rule three, don’t harm their reputation, do your best to support it. But the thing is, is that you need to take an active role. You have to talk good things to other people about your ENFP that your ENFP knows so that those other people report back to the ENFP and tell them tell your ENFP look Good things that you said, you do that you got their loyalty for life. Absolutely.
You have that for life. Here’s the other thing. T child’s all about their opinion, as part of Rule three, you need to be willing to listen to their diatribe long opinions. And challenge those opinions.
Gently, and basically be like, Well, why? Or how, or just ask questions, because it helps them think they already walk around, like knowing that they have a hard time doing logic and living life by themes alone with their Extraverted Thinking child, but they really need a sounding board. Because they won’t be able to explain what they’re thinking without that sounding board. And they really need that it helps develop a little bit of closeness with them. It’s just having that sounding board.
Now granted, you know, it’s part of rule two, making them feel important. Sometimes you just gonna have to listen to the ENFP completely purge and barf out all their stored negativity and all their problems all in one instant. They don’t expect you to solve any of those problems, they just want to be heard. In that moment, I don’t care if it’s a man or a woman ENFP it definitely applies to both, right? So keep that in mind.
Keep that stored up in your hat, little feather in your cap. As far as observing rules, Rule two, it’s very important. Now a rule sore. It’s pretty obvious.
You know, it’s like, what do you do, but si inferior. Recognize that it’s going to be a baby, recognize it’s gonna cry, and it’s gonna need to diaper change, just like what I said was en TPS, don’t make it uncomfortable, don’t make it feel unsafe, don’t give them any reason to be disloyal to you, or dump you on your head. Because you’ve been violating the first three rules, right? So since you’re following the first three rules, you really won’t have that much of a problem with the Inferior function or Rule Four. Always seek to make them feel comfortable or safe.
It’s kind of simpler than what you would do for an ESTP. Because ENFPs can actually be pretty simple in that way. And also, like si inferior Rule Four is one of the reasons why almost every ENFP out there says physical touch is their love language, but it’s the physical touch that they are being touched. So definitely use touch a lot in your relationship with them.
Because they find you touching them being very endearing. So use that as part of observance of rule number four, I would say I find touch you know, as an EN TP for my si inferior to also be endearing, but endearing, but not as much as an ENFP would. Because for me, if I don’t already feel valued, or listened to or wants or desired, especially passionately wanted and desired to the point where there’s extreme enthusiasm in the bedroom for me, then I don’t really care if I’m being touched at all. Not unless those previous things are being met.
You see what I’m saying. But with an ENFP touch, can really actually heal a lot of problems. Just like my ENFP uncle, he’s always talked about how anytime any woman would ever start cutting his hair, he’d be sleeping with her. As soon as her shift was over.
You know, he’d have sexual contact with her immediately following when she got off work. He just he just couldn’t resist. So use physical touch to your advantage when observing Rule Four, because it can really bring them this air of calmness. It can help bring Zen in their life.
Little tiny massages, even just the rubbing of fingers on skin, any form of skin skin contact or just touch their of you know, it really can help them calm down. And that’s what they need. They need a life of calm they need that zen like any philosopher needs Zen. But they’re already so zany and they’re already so fast.
That touch really is what helps ground them to the earth. It helps them ground them in reality, and brings them back to reality. 39:27 And then it will help them calm down and chill out. Rule five.
Yeah, share your hopes and dreams with your ENFP kind of like you would do with an ESTP. But the difference is you kind of want to do it in a way where it’s not necessarily all about your hopes and your dreams individually. It’s about a shared hope or a shared dream because they’re triple affiliated they want to be on a team and talk about For your dream that includes them, maybe even talk about their dreams that they have, and how it includes you. But talk about that and how you’re working towards that, in your relationship with them.
They find that really enduring, and it takes the despair away. Whereas the intp is a little bit more simple with their Nemesis function for Rule five, it’s more of like, hey, you know, like, literally just tell me what you want. Skye parent wants to know. Whereas, you know, independence and kind of seems like the intp is running a separate life from their lover.
But the reality is situation, that’s not the case. Whereas the ENFP, everything is so intertangled everything is so entwined flops the other dogs this time. And because of that, shooting star, that was cool. archeparchy.
So yeah, just talk about the vision of your relationship with your ENFP and how they are included, or at least how you are included in their vision, but be open to them to make adjustments to that vision, I don’t know how many times I’ve seen or heard inf J’s they get so uptight, even STPs do this to like ISTP is do it ESTP is really doing, they get so uptight about plans that the ENFP would make. And then all of a sudden the ENFP would change that plan. And sometimes the ENFP may not tell their STP or NFJ lover, their Templar lover about that plan change. Seriously, like, Don’t get caught up in that.
Now granted, the ESTP is upset about that the most because they’re a control type, they’re all about outcome. And having that outcome plan is super important. Whereas an INFJ and an ISTP their progression, they’re more movement oriented, that’s okay. It’s okay for them to not do that.
It’s okay for plants to change, because they’re just on a journey with the ENFP. The thing is, the ENFP needs to make sure that that vision they have for their relationship is ultimately a journey. But they’ll do that naturally. Because their triple progression anyway, triple movement.
So it should work out over time, just make sure that you as a lover don’t make it about outcomes, because then the ENFP is going to end up feeling controlled. And this is another way that the ESTP super ego will eventually come out and devour you if you’re not careful to the point of physical violence, which can happen. So rule rule six, don’t talk about what you deserve. Don’t play God.
Like seriously, I don’t know what it is about the people who are sexually compatible with ENFPs and playing God, especially inf J’s, their ti child god complex. But they that you know soon as an FE user and FE users are the ones who start talking about who deserves light, that is the fastest way to piss off an ENFP start talking about who deserves what, because from their point of view, no one has the right to start claiming who deserves what, which is funny, because oftentimes, which is a hypocrisy of an ENFP. The ENFP is often believed they themselves deserve a lot and deserve Moreover, other people. So if you’re going to talk to them about who deserves what, make sure that you’re making it and really about them, and help them understand what they themselves deserve.
And that they need to be responsible with what they think, or what they believe that they deserve with their si parent, and that’s fine. That’s that’s fine to do that. But as soon as you start judging other people what they deserve, or judging yourself with how with what you deserve, that’s the fastest way to piss them off. One of the fastest ways, at least, in the fastest way is to just ignore their Inferior function.
And don’t observe Rule four. But the thing is, though, is that like, you really got to understand, they don’t care about what other people value. And they really, really, at the end of the day really actually know who deserves what they really do. Thing is those usually that deck that does or Vation deck is stacked in their favor, and that’s when you can call them out on it.
But for the most part, don’t play God. Don’t play God and don’t tell them. You know, like here here’s no way don’t self deprecate because when you self deprecating around an ENFP you are in a Fact playing God, what do you self deprecate, you are in effect, stating what you think you deserve. And the ENFP is not going to respect that.
Because it’s like, when the ENFP is around you, they’re losing status from people in their lives. They’re like, Wow, if I bring you out in public, you’re just gonna be an embarrassment. Because how self deprecating you are, I can’t have that. I can’t let that happen.
That’s got to stop. So don’t play God. And remember, you, even if you’re not being prideful, as they can, you deserve more, you’re still playing God, if you think you deserve less, and they’re gonna call you out for that. Don’t do that.
You need to properly value yourself. Now, what you do instead is always ask the ENFP for feedback, and turns of where you measure up. That way, if there are any problems, you can fix them. And that way, you don’t have to self deprecate at all.
But if you’re self deprecating, it’s actually because a lack of communication on your part to convey your feelings of worthlessness or uselessness or you’re not good enough, you don’t measure up. But you didn’t even do them the justice of asking. That’s on you. Okay, that’s not on them.
Now, if you really annoying them, they’re going to tell you where you are, where you stand, and they’re going to give you that feedback. And that blowback, whether you like it or not, but it’s your responsibility as their lover to be proactive. Being proactive is also another way that you can observe rule one. It continues to make them feel chosen above other people.
When you yourself a proactive, okay? Rule seven, they really don’t know what they think. And that’s okay. Why does everyone tell ENFPs? How stupid they are. A lot of ENFPs out there are absolutely brilliant.
Chris Taylor is absolutely brilliant. Tai Lopez, absolutely brilliant. Kevin Hart. Absolutely brilliant.
Conor McGregor. He’s brilliant. Okay, you got to keep going. Because people are brilliant.
Okay, I get that they have ti trickster, I get to have a hard time finishing their thoughts. But there’s no reason to make them feel stupid. Because as long as you continue to encourage them to read books, and just get information and get factoids, guess what, they’ll just keep being more brilliant over time. And just encourage them to follow the themes.
Follow the themes. It’s like the yellow brick road with our T child. And that little Dorothy te child will finally realize it had the power all along to go home, which is ultimately where the ENFP wants to be this home. Hopefully, you their lover, is that home.
So when you’re criticizing them, make sure you preface what you say, Hey, I don’t think you’re stupid. I just think you don’t understand. Preface add preface, it’s really important to add preface for TI trickster. Also, don’t expect them to come up with things on the fly, unless you’re going to be okay with them providing bullshit.
Like, and this is without being a sounding board, you need to be a sounding board for their thoughts. It’s another aspect of rule seven, always be the sounding board. Always. It’s super critical.
They can’t think without thinking aloud. And it gets worse if they don’t have anyone to think aloud with. Because if they don’t have anyone to think aloud with, it’s as if they’re not even thinking at all. And then they just feel stupid, and then they just feel bad about themselves, then they lose all motivation.
It’s your job to get in there and fix that, or at least help them stave against that type of behavior. So keep that in mind. Keep that in mind. It’s a really important thing to realize.
And the final rule, rule eight don’t make everything about you. That’s really the simplest thing I could say. 49:35 Good thing tamp largely is the people who are supposedly compatible, sexually compatible with ENFPs make it all about everyone else, and they’re very naturally external. But that’s not to say that an INFJ for example, or an ISTP, for example, isn’t entitled.
In last night’s hypocrisy of an ISTP episode. We talk about ISTP entitlement. That’s that It is a thing, okay? So, but really, rule eight, as simple and as direct as I can put it, it’s not about you, because the second you make it about you, that’s when you’re ENFP starts hating you, they go out of their way for you, giving you special treatment, getting you into the coolest clubs, the coolest areas, they go out of their way to make you feel like a VIP along with them, because they treat themselves like a VIP, and they bring you along for that VIP ride. But as soon as you start making it about you, they’re no longer the VIP, and then you’re taking away their VIP status and making it all yours.
How is that gonna? Like? How are they not going to hate you for that? I mean, you’re just bringing on yourself, then. That’s like one of the most stupidest things you could ever do. Like, yeah, I understand the ENFP in your life, they are a VIP, you need to treat them that way. You know, don’t make it about you.
You know, unless there’s like something that when you finally like, oh crap, I really actually have this need. Help me figure it out? How can we think about okay, yeah, sure. Ask them their opinion. But again, in asking their opinion, or you asking them about what will happen if you do it like tab talking about the consequences, you’re still factoring them in, and you’re not making decisions without them.
Stop making decisions without factoring in the ENFP. Stop making everything about you. They’re tired of hearing about you all the time. They have enough crap in their head to deal with from their own life.
They don’t need additional burden. Okay, that’s rule eight, follow it. And you’ll be really successful, I promise. Anyway, folks, thanks for watching this lecture.
That’s the end of this lecture, saw this lecture useful, helpful, educational, enlightening, please subscribe to the channel, please leave a like and a comment. I really appreciate that. I hope you guys are enjoying the eight rules for Love Series, don’t forget, we have our new relationships course, that should start being available for sale on February 1, it’s going to be a big deal to have a lot of videos in at least 60 Some videos, training you how to protect your relationship against failure, it’s gonna be pretty fantastic. He’s gonna have a lot of these similar strategies, that we have an eight rules for love, but very heavily expanded.
And everything from human nurture to human nature explored within the contents of this course. So we’re gonna get ready to announce it. It’s coming around the corner. And I hope you folks enjoy it, when you have it, we have a lot of resources added to it.
The companion guide second edition is going to be in it that’s gonna be amazing. Imagine having data sheets on all the cognitive functions with their proper definitions, mature and immature variants added to pretty awesome and I saw so much more that’s only going to be available in that course and nowhere else so I hope you guys will love it when it comes out. I know you will. And so yeah, please just be aware it’s around the corner and should be available for sale on February 1 for preorder.
And I think it’s gonna be releasing on the 12th just before Valentine’s Day or if provided everything goes right of course. So anyway folks, thanks for watching and I’ll see you guys tonight can you take you building strong