CS joseph responds
How do you cheer up an INFP? Before I can answer, please consider subscribing to the channel so I can afford a new shirt, and hit the alert bell so you can be notified when I go live. That being said, what is up ego hackers? Did you like that one? I’m CS Joseph, here to answer your questions on any topic Jungian Analytical Psychology, or the Four Sides of the Mind, also known as Four Sides Dynamics. The source of today’s question is Quora, as usual, so let’s take a peek. “How do you cheer up an INFP” and it looks like 19 answers, definitely not gonna be reading all of those. So the first one is Jesse Moore, certifiable INFP, 9w1 for their enneagram and probably a book because that’s what INFPs do, they write books. “It’s simple, it’s pretty simple really “but not necessarily easy”, #spellingerror. “Listen, sit with you friend, “their worries and their sorrows. “Truth is, this might be uncomfortable for you, “it is for most people. “For some reason, at some point in time, “helping a friend in distress become equated with work, “a job that needed to be accomplished, efficiently at that. “Advice, that must be the answer. “If I give good advice based on a related experience, “then I will feel good for having imparted knowledge, “and if my friend does not follow my advice, “then the responsibility is entirely on them, how neat. “Yeah, not so much. “I recently lost my mother to cancer just a few months ago “and a couple of friends have more or less stood up “to make sure that I’m doing okay. “Right now, I don’t really know what that actually means. “Regardless, I receive regular assessments. “Of note, both have lost one or more parent in years prior, “so there is a sort of kindred-ness in all of it. “Also of note, my father’s ongoing, “though much more treatable, cancer just relapsed “a few weeks ago. “I’m trying to paint a picture here of what a bonafide INFP “in proper need of a cheer up might actually look like.” Okay, fair enough. “An exchange with one of these friends “actually did just happen last night outside a bar “while horrendously and irresponsibly inhaling “some burning nicotine. “I told them I wasn’t well and my mind was clear “and not ruminating on anything.” Okay, paraphrase, okay, said okay. It ultimately felt patronizing because his friend gave him useless advice, which sucks. And then, so anyway, “If you actually want to comfort “an INFP, do not do this.” Okay, so he shows what not to do. “Can actually be counterproductive to both your friendship “and even your relationship with them. “Get in that damn cold pool of water, shiver a bit, “feel what it’s like where your INFP friend is sitting. “It is in the depths of this chill stream “where we can feel both more than alive “and also sometimes completely isolated. “We need you to just sit with us, our sorrow, our grief “and even our greatest joys.” That right there is probably one of the most valuable things I’ve ever actually read on Quora, so thank you for posting this. “It is very true that we do separate ourselves “while still longing for shared experience and recognition “in both joy and sadness, “but this is not necessarily our fate. “More a consequence of uncommon perspective and values “clashing with modernity.” Wow, that’s well said, very good. “If you truly wish to cheer up an INFP in your life, “come sit with us for a while, meet us where we wait “and if you’re willing to see what we so desperately “wish to share, and so desperately try to hide “at the same time, I promise that it will be the best gift “you could possibly give to both of us. “This, your INFP friend.” There’s not really any need to discuss any other answers because that was amazing, and yes, Jesse Moore is definitely an INFP. Very well said, but I will add my take on this because why wouldn’t I, you know what I’m saying? So how do you cheer up an INFP? Well, the answer is, the answer is is that, you kinda gotta delve into them. You gotta dig into them a little bit, right? They’re not shallow people and you shouldn’t treat them as shallow people. Sometimes they’ll want people to think that they’re shallow people for whatever reason, but they’re not shallow people. INFPs probably have the biggest depth of soul out of anybody ever made, and this is one of the reasons why most INFPs identify with a Highly Sensitive Person HSP form of living, et cetera, because they have extreme depth to them. They are basically, their souls are these giant oceans that need to be penetrated, and while they don’t like being penetrated sometimes, they just need to be penetrated. Even if it’s an INFP man with an ENFJ woman, or ENJ woman, because ENJ women are technically masculine and the masculine is there to penetrate the feminine and the vast soul of the INFP is a very big feminine abode. It’s like the allegory of the cave, and their soul is literally the cave that needs to be entered, basically. And that’s literally the whole point of it. So an INFP just wants to be traversed, they want to be wanted, wanted and desired enough such that someone would actually care to traverse the entire depth of soul that they actually have. This is one of the most abstract ways of putting this, but for the INFPs watching it, they’ll be like, “Yes that’s me, yes yes”, and really, to get to a point where you understand them, they really need that. Also, since ENFJ is their golden pair, they need someone to act like an ENFJ around them and ENFJs, provided they’re actually willing to listen, although immature ENFJs are like the people out there that try to get everyone else to listen to them without listening to anybody. But if an ENFJ has their Ti aspirational developed, they become the greatest listeners of all the types and being able to listen to the experience of the INFP really makes the INFP feel wanted and it makes them feel valued. They don’t even have to have the problem solved. The INFP doesn’t have to have the problem solved, it’s more that they just want to be heard. It’s more that they just want their opinion to matter because the INFP so desperately wants to matter, and if an INFP doesn’t matter, guess what? They feel the greatest level of depression ever because they just feel so novel, right? I’ve coached many INFPs struggling with depression, even some of them on the edge of suicide, because they, when they look at themselves, they have this nasty habit of comparing themselves to other people, and they just oftentimes feel like they don’t actually matter. That’s why an NFJ or an STP needs to come along and be like, “Yeah actually, you do matter and here’s why” and they’ll actually list facts out as to why the INFP matters. At that point, they feel cheered up. At that point, they feel wanted. At that point, it’s like, “Wow, someone actually thinks highly of me, “someone actually noticed me”, because guess what folks? INFPs are used to not being even noticed. They’re used to not even being regarded, such that they end up becoming disrespected and they feel disrespected, whether or not people around them are actually disrespecting them. But the fact that they are ignored and not noticed means they’re not even respected at all. I have an INFP on my team and I go out of my way to make sure that I listen to his opinion at all times, even sometimes when he’s not even willing to share his opinion, because I value his opinion, I need his opinion. I need to know what his opinion is because his opinion may be so far valuable, and actually potentially prevent catastrophe for myself, my team and this company and this community that I absolutely have to have him by my side, it’s really important. And all INFPs need that in some capacity, because the INFP is eventually, especially as they conduct their research and they develop their valuable opinion over time, they’re able to develop principles and philosophies and ways of life, entirely new ways of life and new ways of living, that if they don’t have the opportunity to share that opinion or to share that input with other people, provide input to others to cause them to think about things differently, well then they’re just basically going to feel completely novel, a waste of space, no one cares, “no one’s giving me any credit”. They live and die by credit. They need credit. Give them credit. They already feel, they already worry that they’re too selfish and they’re not caring enough as it is, with their extroverted feeling nemesis. They need credit so they stop worrying. If you’re not gonna give them credit for the good things that they do do, guess what? They’re just gonna do what they think, and that brings out the biggest evil out of the INFP, and it actually, it can be very destructive to other people. It can also be self destructive as well, and that just leads to an insane amount of depression. It’s to a point where they’re like, “F” it and they end up making decisions regardless of the consequences to other people because it’s like, “I’ve been managing the consequences “to other people but they don’t think highly enough “where they don’t even allow me an opportunity to speak.” An INFPs greatest fear is that their opinion, their voice is going to be squelched out by everyone else around them. What are you doing to enable their voice, quite frankly? That’s what INFPs need. And that, my friends, is exactly how you cheer up an INFP. If you’d like a chance at your question being answered on this channel, please post it below on Quora and tag me on it, or leave it as a comment below. 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