Will our relationship work? (INFP + INTJ) | CS Joseph Responds

Will our relationship work (INFP + INTJ)? CS Joseph Responds to the Acolyte question is INFP + INTJ sexuality a good thing?

Transcript:

Oh, you know what savvy hackers Welcome to the CS Joseph podcast. Tonight tonight’s question is INTJ plus INFP sexuality a good thing? Fascinating question. Like why not have sexual based questions, you know, I’m saying like why not? Why not? Why not just get like Right? Right down to the dirty details, you know, get in the trenches here, right? And if you want your dirty details questions answered, become an acolyte member. See, it’s just that lifeforce slash members become a journeyman member there, then upgrade to acolyte from there.

Or if you’re already a journeyman member, CS joseph.ly, forward slash portal, click on the Not a member button on the acolyte piece, upgrade your account there. And then once a month, you could ask me a question. And I turned that into a YouTube episode, or a podcast episode, we’ll both so that we all can benefit from the answer. So INTJ an INFP.

Is this like, is this a good relationship? It is definitely in. It’s okay, so let’s look at compatible, sexually compatible sexual relationships. At the very top, you have the affection, and the companion tied for highest sexual compatibility. And with the affection being the highest emotional compatibility, then you have the natural and the intrigue, which is second highest sexual compatibility with the natural being second highest emotional compatibility.

So emotional compatibility somewhat drops each level as you go, you know. And then then beyond that, you have number five, which is what we would call the silver pair, it’s the respect relationship. And then at and then number six is basically what we would use to call the Benefactor relationship was the relationship based on trust, right? That’s the trust relationship. And INTJ is often find themselves in relationships with inf peas, because for some reason INTJ is find inf peas to be trustworthy.

And INTJ is like, especially if they’re unconscious developed, they really need a little bit more trust than most people. Because if you remember, in season seven, part one, the first 16 episodes of season seven, we’re talking about the virtues and vices, each of the types, not to be confused with the living virtues and the deadly sins that we have in the temples, which is also available CS Joseph dot life for slash members. The deadly sins, lectures are incredible. And probably my best work, you should definitely check them out, life changing for everyone.

But it’s like really loud. Who cares? That’s why God invented editing. So anyway, the INTJ usually ends up choosing this relationship. And they’re the chooser because they’re anti hero.

It doesn’t matter if they’re the man or a woman in this benefactor relationship. But in this relationship, basically, it’s they’re the one who ends up choosing the relationship because it’s about trust, and they had a hard time trusting people in their life. So oftentimes, why also INTJ has ended with intp is because Introverted Sensing child from an INFP is very consistent. And having consistency in a relationship as how an INTJ basically is able to trust that person because of that level of consistency.

And because they’re the NI user, the relationship, they’re ultimately the one who chooses the relationship, expert intuition parent, where the NI critic of the INFP, or the INFP, in this particular case, doesn’t really choose it so much. It’s just that they’ve allowed themselves to be chosen by the INTJ. And that’s ultimately how the relationship starts. And the INTJ is just on a quest for consistency.

Maybe they’ve been burned in the past, maybe they had a lot of partners, maybe they had a lot of betrayal. Because INTJ is they have they worry about betrayal, and they’re afraid of rejection. But Introverted Sensing child types, they really just don’t reject people. They really don’t.

There’s a higher risk of Introverted Sensing inferior types, like en teepees and ENFPs. There’s a higher risk of rejection from those types. But from intp an INFP is there’s a less like less lower chance of rejection. So INTJ’s who want to like play it safe or maybe settle for relationships in their life.

They end up having relationships with ISPs, because to deal with that fear of rejection, but they’re also worried about betrayal that worried about treachery. And just because the imp is are more consistent with Introverted Sensing child, because they have a really hard time letting go their comfort zone, it’s very easy for them to get stuck in their comfort zone. Basically, when they are stuck in their comfort zone, they look more consistent to the INTJ. And because the INTJ has ti critic and not really able to verify whether or not this is a healthy relationship for them or not, it is sexually compatible.

It’s not emotionally compatible, you know, that can be in the thing. And, you know, so they have a great sexual relationship, but their emotional side of the relationship could really, really suck. Why? Because the cognitive origin of the INTJ is reference, they want a deep respect. Now if they’re able to share that deep respect with the INFP, because the INFP wants respect as well, but the INFP is origin is authority, also known as power.

And INFP, may see that they’re able to gain more power and more authority from the INTJ, to having the INTJ in their life by borrowing the status of the INTJ, basically. So it ends up becoming this exchange of status between these two types in an effort to fulfill their emotional needs, even though they really can’t fulfill those emotional needs very well. And this, this can end up creating a lot of conflict over time. And ultimately, in my opinion, a benefactor relationship in the long run, is ultimately not sustainable.

It’s funny because one of my really, really close friends, one of my one of my best friends, he’s an INTJ. He was he had children with an INFP. And she made some really bad decisions, really irresponsible decisions without telling him. Because, you know, from her perspective, she had the power to do so she had the authority in the relationship.

But then when he ended up having to clean up her mess, and because she was too slothful and not willing to actually, you know, do something about it, he took away all of her power and authority within the relationship. Well, guess what? That led to divorce. And she ultimately divorced him over that over that decision. Which makes a lot of sense.

So honestly, like benefactor relationships, I think benefactor relationships are kind of like, they’re kind of like flings, I’d say like six, seven and eight. You know, the super ego is next, which is the seven compatibility. And then the eighth one is the Kindred. Those are mostly like fling based relationships, I wouldn’t recommend a long term monogamous investment in those relationships.

If you are going to be monogamous, I would choose affection, companion and natural. And maybe the respect based relationship for monogamy, or having children with them, et cetera. But the intrigue, intrigue plus benefactor plus, so entry plus trust, refinement, and kindred relationships, I would put those more in the fling category, ultimately, but they’re ranked by sexual compatibility, you know, which is how relationships actually start. Most people will claim that relationships, you know, can begin from an emotional compatibility point of view.

But that’s actually categorically false. Right? That’s, from a psychological standpoint, that’s not very, that’s not very accurate. And this sense of, you know, creating a lot of conflict in the long run. It’s not, it’s not a sustainable.

That’s not to say that, if both people in the relationship are really good at communication, they engage with other people, it could be therapy, or they have a wide variety of friends that can give them and help meet their emotional needs. And they’re always committed to banging it out in the bedroom whenever possible. Those Those four relationships that are lacking emotional compatibility, ultimately, could definitely, you know, fit the you know, could definitely make in a monogamous relationship, it just requires a lot more work. It’s an uphill battle, basically, it’s an uphill battle, right.

And that’s always, you know, something to just ultimately be aware of, anyway. So, calling of origins, you know, and then becoming able to continue being a problem. And the thing is, is that if the INFP doesn’t feel like they’re getting enough power or authority, if they do not have enough power and authority in the relationship, they’re just going to shut down. And that’s, that’s a huge issue.

And then also, like INTJ, if they’re like feeling, they’re not getting that deep respect, it’s also going to shut down and it’s very easy for these two types to perceive and become indignant towards each other within the context of this relationship. It’s a big risk. It’s like a huge risk. The reason why so let’s talk about indignance, and this happens all the time, especially with emotionally incompatible sexual related friendships.

indignance is like the worst risk out there. So indignance is defined by responding negatively to perceived maltreatment. If you are perceiving that you’re being treated badly, you treat the other person badly, even though the other person wasn’t actually treating you badly, but you perceive that they were so you’re lashing out basically, this is extremely common amongst intrigue relationships amongst trust relationships, like this relationship among kindred relationships, and even sometimes companion and relationships. Although companion relationships, the child function can actually interface with the critic function pretty well and have some emotional compatibility where it’s not entirely draining.

And because the sexual compatibility is the highest they can they have an easier time to like bang it out in the bedroom. And then there’s like, no hard feelings. But later in life, when sexuality is not as high a priority, the problems could end up manifesting over time. So they have to really make sure that by then they have their communication tactics and strategies nailed down as a couple to be able to make it through, right.

That’s just kind of how it is. And it works. It can work. So So yeah, folks, like, that’s ultimately like, what this relationship is, is it a good relationship? Is it worth investing in? Yeah, definitely, definitely, from the perspective of a fling, definitely do it, definitely do it as a fling for sure.

This the relationship that I recommend investing for monogamy or maybe building a family, not so much it can happen, but it’s going to be an uphill battle, it will be an uphill battle regardless. But as long as you’re committed to it, you know, as long as the INTJ is getting ultimately like that consistency they’re looking for, you know, it’s important, but don’t forget low, that device of the INFP is treachery. So they look trustworthy, but they’re not necessarily always going to be trustworthy. And then the INTJ could end up feeling really, really betrayed, and then no longer revered by the INFP.

And then the INTJ is likely to blow up the relationship take away their power and authority in the relationship until trust is restored. But the INFP because they’re going to get indignant is not going to bring that trust back in, it’s going to fall apart, which is exactly what happened to my friend. And he has two children with an INFP woman where that entire dynamic actually happened. So as a result, do would I really recommend this relationship for a long term? No.

Would I recommend this relationship for a short term? Absolutely, I would. So anyway, folks, thanks for watching and listening. I’ll see you guys in the next episode.