cs joseph responds 

Why are most of the INTJ men married to ESFJ women? But before I can answer, please consider subscribing to the channel so my cat remains pleased with a continuous supply of catnip, and hit the alert bell so you can be notified when I go live. That being said, what is up egohackers? I’m C.S. Joseph here to answer your questions and all things Jungian analytical psychology, the Four Sides of the Mind, and also known as Four Sides Dynamics. And the source of today’s question is Quora. Let’s take a look. Alright. So we have Jenn Smiver or Smiver who is a BS in law and personality traits and characteristics, I had no idea there was a bachelor’s degree for that, and she says, “I’m not sure there’s an actual measurement “of INTJ men married to ESFJ women, “and then correlated against INTJ men, “married to other types to draw a conclusion “that most are paired with ESFJs.

“However, as an INTJ female who married an ESFJ male, “I can say it’s an opposites attract situation.” Not really. “You recognize that the partner has strengths “that you do not, and it seems to the INTJ, “that this is surely a good person to partner with someone. “If two halves make a whole, “then this justifies two individuals becoming one. “Now why the lack of P in the pairing?

“Because Js and the external order of their world, “and the external disorder to that Ps tend to have “would have a problem for both the INTJ and ESFJ, “but for different reasons.” Okay. As much as I don’t like MBTI letter dichotomy, letters and their definitions, that’s actually a good point. “The J creates enough balance to allow the other opposites “to functionally compliment one another.” Okay, this is actually a decent post. Fair enough. Now we have Frank Branson who is a writer and a researcher.

“I question that statistic, but if true, “would ascribe it to ESFJ is one of the most common types, “particularly among women, whereas most INTJs are male. “So just statistically it’s likely.” Fair. Not accurate, but fair. “Many men get their idea of what a wife should be like “from their mothers. “The most common type of mother is probably an ESFJ “because again, ESFJs are one of the most common types “among women.” Again, not that great, and sounds like an INFP is like providing this answer, so not sure.

All right, and Christopher F. Clark, MBTI, Enneagram, OCEAN enthusiast, INFTP nine, I like labels. Okay, you’re probably an INFP then. “I’m not certain your assertion is true. “However, if it is, I’ll give one possible explanation.” Thank you, Mr. Abstract. “Both Es and Ss are more prevalent in the population “according to statistics I have seen, “thus most people marry someone who is an E or an S “and often both. “Moreover, women skew slightly F, “so that also affects the odds. “So the only characteristic of an ESFJ woman, “which doesn’t put her in the majority side of the pool is J “and that’s a characteristic both share.” I’m gonna just completely reject that as hogwash. No thanks. And then we have Shelley McCoy who has a Master’s in Library Science from the University of Tennessee. I didn’t know library was a science. “What facts do you have support your question?”

Wow, this looks like an ISTJ. “A person who doesn’t wear his personality type “like a badge. “I know only one INTJ and he’s married to an INFP.” Which is a benefactor relationship. “So the data I have refutes the proposition “made in your question.” And then there’s Robert Berend, chief executive officer officer at me, myself, and I. “What’s the source of your belief?” Okay. Fair enough. That probably was like an ISTP. Okay. So now my response. All right, so why are most of the INTJ men married to an ESFJ woman?

This is actually like a literal thing. Why is it? It’s because this is a bronze pair. Bronze pairs are probably the most common marriage, and also the most successful marriage statistically for each of the 16 types. So what do bronze pairs look like? ESTJ/ISFP for example, ESTP/ISFJ, ENTJ/INFP, ENFJ/INTP for example, just to name a few of the bronze pairs. Wait a minute, those are actually pedagogue relationships. My bad that’s incorrect. That, so yeah, INTJ/ESFJ, ENTP/ISFP, ENTJ/ISFJ, ENFJ/ISTJ. Those are bronze pairs, so excuse me. But that’s basically when you have the child function matched up with the hero function, and the parent function matched up with the inferior function within your top four functions within your function stack, that is what a bronze pair is. And the reason why is because a person’s inner child is able to hang out with the hero function of their intimate partner. Why is this important?

Well, in the context of INTJs, when INTJs were young, their inner child, their Fi child would often hang out with their Ni hero because their parent function was underdeveloped. And this means that they just basically make decisions. Well, I wanna do what my mood is, or I’m in the mood for this, and I want this, and they just make decisions based on whatever they want. And to them, their childhood was like literal free for all. ESFJ’s a little bit different, wanting to be desired by other people and trying their best to be caring to other people and whatnot. So within their childhood, is all about how other people feel, and what can I do to be wanted, and if I care for other people, I’ll be as wanted as possible. And so that reminds them of their childhood. But when, when they become adults, their parent functions develop, which really gets in the way of their childhood, you know, thinking, childhood way of doing because the cognitive loop is literally just a form of being childish, et cetera.

Cognitive loops occur when you have a hero function and a child function basically combining together and looping on one of each other, on one another. Basically, when someone’s grown up, or their parent function has been underdeveloped, it can take men probably up ’til like 28 or 29 years old nowadays to actually develop their parent function, unless they actually do research and actually focus on developing their parent function a lot sooner than that. That being said. So when a bronze pair comes together, basically, it’s like they’re able to experience their childhood again with their intimate partner, basically. And it’s because your own child function is actually teaming up with their hero function, and their hero function’s teaming up with your child function, and your hero’s teaming up with their child’s function and vice versa, et cetera.

And as a result, they’re able to derive that childhood joy that they had in the context of an intimate relationship. And that’s what a bronze pair is. This is why statistically it’s the most common marriage amongst all of the types, is the bronze pair level of integration, and compatibility, et cetera. And it also, statistically is the marriage set lasts the longest. Another reason for it is because people can kind of hide from each other a little bit, and have their own domains within the context of their bronze pair, whereas domains within a silver pair, a pedagogue, as well as a golden pair, those top level of compatibilities within relationships can, you know, there’s actually shared domains, and it can lead to conflict, et cetera.

If you wanna learn more about that, please watch season 14 at csjoseph.life/members where we discuss, where we have premium lectures talking about sexuality on a regular basis. That being said, so bronze pair is the most common for each of the individual chains, and INTJ men absolutely love ESFJ women. INTJ men who, they focus on having to compete, competition is everything to an INTJ, performance is everything to an INTJ man, freedom of choice is everything to an INTJ man, and they really want someone that thinks highly of them, and who’s absolutely diehard loyal to them, and who’s constantly trying to make them feel better, and guess what? ESFJ women do that.

Not only that, INTJs are never really offended by an ESFJ woman, because an ESFJ woman is very insecure about her own thinking and she’s oftentimes afraid that she, herself, is stupid. So the INTJ gets to take the smart approach with his woman and try to educate her and provide input to her to cause her to become a much more intelligent woman basically, and the ESFJ woman absolutely loves that because she’s very happy that the INTJ is providing her with that really important input, allows her to feel important, allows her to feel intelligent, and it takes away that fear away. Not only that, the ESFJ woman is absolutely begging for that performance of the INTJ, such that the INTJ can overcompensate with over-performing, and the ESFJ woman absolutely gets off on that. And they absolutely love to receive that experience the INTJ man has, and her loyalty to him takes away all of his fear.

Fear of abandonment, fear of not being able to perform, having sexual performance anxiety, that’s completely out the window. INTJ men don’t have to deal with that with ESFJ women. And ESFJ women are insanely supportive, and the Fi child of the INTJ man loves how supportive they are, and not only that, the ESFJ woman benefits from the INTJ man, such that the INTJ man is so want-y and so desirous towards the ESFJ woman that she constantly feels wanted at all times. And as a result, all of their mental needs are being met, they have super high sexual compatibility, super high relationship, or an emotional compatibility, which makes this relationship absolutely fantastic for both of them.

So that folks, is why most INTJ men are married to ESFJ women. If you’d like a chance of your question being answered on this channel, please post it on Quora or tag me, and leave it as a comment below. If you want a guaranteed answer for your question, become an egohacker initiate at csjoseph.life/members and post your question as a comment on our initiate membership page, also known as silver currently, where I’m answering all of your questions on a private livestream for silver/initiate members each month. And folks, with all that being said, I’ll see you guys tonight.