What Does an INFP Identity Crisis Look Like? | CS Joseph Responds
CS Joseph Responds to the Acolyte question what does an INFP identity crisis look like?
Transcript:
Hey what’s up ego, hackers? Welcome to the CS Joseph podcast. Today’s question is, what does an INFP identity crisis look like? Now, most of these questions are sourced from acolytes who provide questions per month as part of their membership, they get to ask me various questions, and I make video and podcast responses to them so that we all can have the benefit of learning. But every now and then I get these, I get the most interesting questions. And I’m just like, wondering to myself, how did this question actually come about? Or what is the specific life situation that’s going on here? Especially when we’re talking about identity crisis? And how how does it matter? How is it relevant? What situation in this particular member’s life is going on that would cause them to have the desire or the need to actually ask this type of question? I honestly don’t know.
Now, I’m not saying this to make it any less valid. It’s not an invalid question. It’s just caused me to wonder because like, in my experience, especially after basically suffering my own identity crisis, as a fellow NP, I knew like, you know, what my own experience was, and what I had to deal with to get through that, and having my own life crisis? Well, if it became a big problem for me, it was a big, big issue for me I. But how it came about is, I don’t I don’t think it was really typical for anyone in those days when it happened, and it happened like well over 10 years ago.
But today, I’m sure it’s actually a lot more common, especially among members among the CSJ community. The reason why is that, you know, you take the MBTI test, you figure out what your type is your build your entire life around your personality type, you give yourself permission to behave similar to that personality type, the good and the bad, you start setting boundaries for yourself, enforcing those boundaries, setting boundaries for yourself, enforcing those boundaries, on others having personal standards, and it’s all built around this idea that centers around what you believe your personality type actually is. And given that I ENFPs are all about personal belief with Te inferior, extroverted thinking inferior, and their insecurity that’s, that basically is based on how, what other people think of them, and they’re afraid of what others think of them. And also their feelings of powerlessness that drive them to gain power and authority, especially in secret within their life, so that they could actually like live life, and have all their needs met.
Well, in order for that to even happen. It they have to have a stringent principle or belief system in place from which their identity is derived. I would imagine it’s very similar to most people. The differences is that like, I am not like, for me personally, I’m an intp, I’ve FYI, trickster, Introverted Feeling is the investment function, right.
So I actually have a lot lower investment personally, when it comes to things like my identity. And because of my low ability to invest in things, that means I can change this, this can present a problem for a lot of people, especially when it comes to sexual relationships, because for example, when in my life have always had to be chat, or will always find themselves challenged by how often I change and how often I can change my mind, and it always keeps them on their toes, even to the point of being something that really bothers them and can actually cause a lot of anxiety and insecurity on their part. Oh, well comes with the territory, want to be in a relationship with me, you just have to get used to the fact that I will change on a whim. And that’s just kind of how it is.
But hey, if you’re performing properly, as a woman and a top performer, well, then guess what, I’m inclined to give you more of my time, attention and resources, because, you know, they’re valuable. And as I get older, they become even more valuable. So I’m not just going to share them with just about anyone. And if I am sharing them with a woman, for example, then she should be the most grateful person in the world.
And if she’s not, I’m going to share it with the woman who is it’s that simple and And I’d like, and yeah, that can change on a dime. The thing is, though, is that if, for example, these women are willing to work for it and have a pattern of good behavior, a pattern of top performance in our relationship, and also in our interaction, it’s not a big deal. But I’m using this as an example to show how FYI trickster well, it, it just, it just, it can be invested into things, but it’s really not as invested into things that like, for example, an INFP would with FYI, hero, FYI, here, it was all about investment. Now, granted, I absolutely can be as invested into someone or something like it, FYI hero would be.
And I could act in the same way. But it requires a pattern of behavior that is completely approved by expert feeling child, as well as expert intuition hero, I have to feel wanted and desired consistently. And like for example, you know, if I’m in a sexual relationship with a woman, and she’s, and we’re being sexual, and she’s not enthusiastic about it, then I’m not inclined to spend any more time and attention towards her. I mean, that’s just that’s just how it is, I’m just not going to, I’m going to spend that I will share my body with the woman who is enthusiastic about sharing hers with me.
And it’s that simple. And if it goes beneath that, it’s not going to happen. But again, it’s just about level investment, right? The thing is, though, is that like, FYI, heroes feel their investment INFP feel their investment, they their investment basically becomes a piece of their identity. Whereas for myself, my personal investment, actually has nothing to do with my personal identity.
And that’s the main point I’m trying to make here. This is why like, an identity crisis is actually entirely far more impactful to an INFP than say, for example, an E intp. Like me. And this goes, I mean, my identity during the crisis absolutely sucked.
It sucked. It was an extremely painful process, I thought for, and I’m just using personality types as an example. It doesn’t have to be with personality type. But, for example, I thought I was an INTJ.
For at least six years, I first took the official MBTI test. When I was 21 years old, I was going to dry University at Federal Way, Washington just south of Seattle. I was married to my ESFP wife at the time. But the point is, I took the MBTI test.
In those days, I thought it was an INTJ I organized my entire life around being an INTJ I judged people as an INTJ, I gave my person myself permission to behave like an INTJ expected other people be okay with me behaving like an INTJ. And it just, it ultimately ended up destroying a lot of relationships over time, especially with coming to find out six years later, when I’m in the presence of my INFJ mentor, after I put so much ego investment. See, that’s the key word ego investment into being an INTJ like an INFP puts so much ego investment into whatever they are inclined to do so with their si hero, and that ego investments even very far and more difficult for them to let go of. I mean, you gotta think about it INFP ego investment is so difficult for them to deal with, that they cannot let go once they have decided that there is an investment.
The reason why is because they will do everything in their power to protect that, that ego investment, even to the point of only considering information that is pre qualified to fit their existing ego investments. It’s one of the reasons why they’re so credulous because unless something already pre fits any piece of information unless some belief or or so called Fact or whatever piece of information that they have. They won’t even consider it unless it pre fits their already existing ego investment. So I don’t know how many INFPs out there I’ve met who all think they’re INFJs for example.
That’s why I did that episode. I believe it’s in season, season 10 I think, which is how do INFJs compared to INFJs. I made that lecture I made an hour and a half long specifically to educate these people, especially inf peas who think they’re INFJ’s and the INFJ’s who think they’re inf peas to explain to them, how backwards they actually have it. I went out of my way for that lecture so that they understand specifically, how much they have screwed themselves up and screwed everyone else’s lives.
And do you know why? Because I did. I sort of did. And then it was such disaster when my INFJ mentor destroyed literally every single ego investment I had, including all of my religious beliefs, my personality, psychology, all of it, even even what I thought I knew from my collegiate education, it just got, it just went on and on and on and on, and just got worse and worse and worse. And it was terrible.
It was it was an absolute total shitshow of a situation. And I don’t recommend that experience for anyone. But the thing is, though, has led to an identity crisis and identity crisis where I had just I was, I lost, I literally couldn’t sleep for probably about eight weeks straight. And it wasn’t until I went to this is the I think it wasn’t until I went to like a vacation to Leavenworth, with my ESFP wife at the time, it was like the last vacation we ever went on.
We also brought some friends with us, etc. And it was like the literal last vacation we ever went on. And honestly, like that vacation. It wasn’t until like, maybe day two of the vacation that I actually came to accept that final Yes, I actually was an ESTP.
And then came all the guilt, the guilt that lasted for like a year after I’ve been preaching MBTI forever preaching psychology and educating people on it. And knowing just exactly how wrong I was, and how many people have been making decisions based off advice, and so called truths that I’ve been telling them their entire life, or at least not an entire life, but telling them about their life over like the last five or six years, and how wrong I was and how much damage I’d actually done as a person. So that’s basically in effect what my identity crisis ended up being. But when you compare that to a typical INFP, for example, having their midlife crisis, well, it’s that much harder.
I’ve known a few inf peas in my time, who who have identity crisis. And it turns into a lot of problems. Like for example, they can just entirely stagnate, they go all in on their sloth deadly sin, or they will end up going all in on their initiative, living virtue, and an INFP with way too much initiative on living virtue. For example, this is kind of where like INFP men actually can have the risk of becoming rapists, for example, because they just become the number one violator of boundaries that exists is when their living virtue of initiative ends up becoming completely out of control.
And they basically become rapists or pedophiles, or just becomes like, they their ego investment is so strong during this identity crisis, as they’re trying to come up with a new ego, and they may have been slothful before so then they hard switch to their living virtue and it just gets out of control. And they end up causing way more damage than you’ve ever even imagined, especially like even violating the bodily autonomy of other people. We’re another way it can manifest is that they completely stagnate and they just give up on life. They’re triple outcome focused people, which means that they’re not going to get out of bed unless they’re guaranteed a favorable outcome.
And if there is no way that they can see that there’s a favorable outcome, they won’t even do anything on their days to the point like they’ll have such self neglect, they’ll starve themselves, sometimes to death. They won’t pick up the dog crap on the floor and their house, from their dog or the animals. And they they’ll get insanely unhealthy and that could potentially even lead to their death as well. They just they just completely give up on life.
So they’re either like, it’s just extremes. It’s either absolute, you know, take life by the horns, go, go go even if it violates the boundaries, or even the bodily autonomy of other human beings, or do nothing, do absolutely nothing to the point where they just as much as their power and authority in their life is decaying because they’re trying to be this container of power and authority. Well guess what? Their own life begins to decay to the point of their body begins to decay and they actually become one with entropy. They become one with the decay, all because their ego is completely shattered.
Because the FY hero ego investment is so powerful that when those ego investments are completely shattered is an extremely painful process. Why else do you think that out of all the 16 types here within the CSJ community? The number one type that complaints about me the most are inf peas because I destroy INFP ego investment more than any of the other 16 types, I just do. The reason why is I have to also because I lay a lot of the societal problems at their feet. Robert F.
Kennedy. Ron Paul, for example, Robert Greene, these men are inf peas least Robert Greene is doing something about it. You know, and like Bobby Kennedy, he tried to do it, but then he was killed for it. You know, Ron Paul, I mean, honestly, I think Ron Paul’s a sellout.
I think he’s a sellout. Anthony Weiner, another INFP, that guy’s definitely a sell out. Guess what, he’s an example of an INFP and identity crisis, who took initiative too far, you know, apparently convicted on sexual misconduct charges, if I remember correctly, you and I’m saying so like, think about it, like their ego investments, you know, because remember, they have feelings of powerlessness. And they’re trying to gain power and authority in their life, and ultimately have to learn how to become a conductor of power and authority in their life in order to not only keep what power they have, but they have to gain more power, and they have to learn leadership to delegate that to other people, so that those people can be empowered to act on their behalf.
It’s all about empowering others eventually. And that’s how they stay in power. But if they don’t learn those skills, they actually end up believing that their principles, or their ego investments, equates to the recipe for success. When they’re actually just being delusional and deluding themselves.
That’s not actually true. And because of those, those delusions, when those delusions are taken away from them, they literally have no foundation with which they can actually live upon, and their entire life falls apart. So identity crisis. While it may not be while is extremely painful experience, and I know that firsthand, it’s not really that dangerous to me personally, and others in my life, with me being an intp, especially a shadow focus dNTP.
By an INFP, regardless of cognitive focus, identity crisis is entirely dangerous to them, and entirely dangerous to everyone around them, is extremely dangerous. And they actually have to learn how to have this self discipline in their life in order to test their ego investments in order to like avoid that outcome. Avoid any of those outcomes to avoid those problems. It’s the only way they’ll actually like have a future whatsoever.
And if they don’t, well, they’re not going to have a future. Why? Because no one will let them at power, no one let them have authority, because they don’t have that foundation. And sometimes it can take inf peas decades to recover from their ego investments being shattered and their loss of identity because they base their identity upon those ego investments. It’s the only way they can because they have ti demon they got not only do they not know what the truth is, they actually ignore the truth.
Because the truth is so painful because the truth is that risk of destroying their ego investments and loss of identity, loss of identity is so egregiously painful to inf peas, in my opinion, it is probably the number one cause of INFP suicide. Okay, it’s a huge problem. But the thing is, though, is that like, there’s so many people in their lives that just enable their ego investments, I’m not going to be one of them. But at least I’m responsible, like a parent, a ti parent, to shatter their ego investments one at a time.
And carefully, I do in the form of video, they can turn me off, they could tune me out any time they want. So what ends up happening, an INFP will start watching or listening to me, and they’ll start getting educated, and then they can’t take it anymore. Because all Dang, my ego investments can all be shattered at once. So they have to turn me off, then they have to, they have to complain about me and a YouTube comment or an email, tell me how much of a piece of shit I am or whatever.
And then you know, and then they leave for six months. And during those six months, they’ll reflect on that one ego investment, even though they have 20 of them that could be shattered by me. But that one First Eagle investment, they’re going to reflect and then they realized I was right. And they allow that ego investment to break and they start working on developing a principle for a different ego investment to replace it which takes them a long time to do because of their Introverted Sensing child.
And then they return to the channel and get ready for the next ego investment to be shattered. Then the next one, then the next one, the next one. This is literally how they live their life. This is why I ENFPs watch my content, it’s so disgusted by it end up reacting negatively and getting entirely indignant, blame me for everything and then come back six months later after reflection realizing I’m right, and then they are a loyal follower indefinitely.
That’s how it works. Okay, and it’s all All because of their need to manage their identity. Because if they don’t, because their ego investments are based are the source of their identity, if they cannot maintain that, I mean, they they’re looking at risk of eet of committing suicide folks like death is on the table, they’re at risk of death. Okay? I ENFPs are so sensitive to their ego investments being challenged, that like, if all of them are challenged, if the little reality that they built for themselves that they believe in, is completely taken away from them in an instant, they have no leg to stand on.
And honestly, they end up killing themselves over it. And it’s really, really sad. Like, they, they’re, they’re like those people, you know, let’s say that they’re standing, you know, in front of the sun, you know, and they’re getting, they want to get closer, so they can’t just run at the side, because they’ll just burn up completely, like a Christmas will be nothing left, they have to slowly build up an endurance or in a tolerance to the sun to the burning fire and slowly get closer and closer to the sun. So that then they got to get stronger.
And that’s how their ego investments are formed. If they’re all burnt away at once. They feel lost, and I literally have nothing. There’s nothing left for them.
And it’s so sad. So I NFPs I understand, I understand where you’re coming from, I understand why you react the way that you do. I understand why you all feel the need to shit on me, even though I tell you the truth. Thing is, is that even though I know you can’t deny that I’m not deny you can’t deny that I’m, I’m not a liar.
I’m telling you the truth. It’s just whether or not you can accept the truth. So your TI demon is trying to teach you anyway, your TI demon is trying to tell you, hey, there’s some facts out there. And the faster that you can because you know, ISTP demon is movement.
It’s all about progression, the faster you’re willing to go on a journey to discover what the truth actually is, the faster you will actually have success in your life stemming from the power and authority that you seek for yourself in your life. That’s a fact, folks. Anyway, that’s it for this question, folks. Thanks for watching and listening.
I’ll see you guys in the next episode.
