INFJs don’t gaslight…(yes you do) | CS Joseph Responds
INFJs don’t gaslight…(yes you do) Chris Taylor answers the Acolyte question how can an INFJ Stop gaslighting themselves and others? on this episode of CS Joseph Responds
Transcript:
Welcome to the CS Joseph Podcast. I’m gonna be your host for this episode Chris Taylor, also known as Rocket bringing you an acolyte question How does an INFJ stop gaslighting themselves and others? So great question kind of close and personal to me I know a lot of INFJs and you guys aren’t my golden pair. So hopefully I can provide you guys some insight that will help. So what what are we talking about when we talk about gaslighting? So we are essentially talking about when you gaslight somebody else, you’re creating a situation or your challenging what they see is their reality, their experience or their feelings in a situation such that it ends up making the other person feel like they’re the one that that is crazy.
Now, as for a gaslighting your yourselves, this comes from a slightly different, slightly different aspect. But we’ll get into that. As far as gaslighting other people. Why does this happen? So usually, to get right to the point, usually, it’s because you guys think that you’re right.
And you guys basically justify through, you know, your shadows, your need to fix other people, because what you see them doing is wrong or incorrect. Whether you see them as essentially lying, or whether you see them as just being mistaken. You’re essentially trying to fix other people. Now, first of all, it’s not your guys’s job to fix anybody else.
Do your guys’s job to be the spirit of humanity. And what that means is it’s not your job to fix other people’s problems. It’s your job to lead by example, and practice, what right should look like. So first and foremost, just stop trying to change everybody around you.
Either for better or worse. Because I’ve noticed one or two things tends to happen with INFJs. Either you guys are walking around trying to make everybody else feel better. And essentially using them to make yourselves feel good about yourselves because Oh, look at me, I’m fixing everybody around me.
Or, and this is far more irritating, is when you guys will actually make other people worse and incite worse behavior and other people so that you don’t have to actually improve yourself. Because you guys are some of the first ones to say, well, everybody else is doing this. You know why? Why should I? Why? Why can I get away with it? If they’re getting away with it? It’s not the right answer. And you guys alternate between these two.
It’s really fascinating to watch, you’ll in almost the same moment, you’ll justify your own shitty behavior by saying everybody else is doing it, and then try to fix everybody around you so that you don’t have to feel bad about your own shitty behavior. This does lead to gaslighting a lot of times. Because what will happen is through your te trickster, you’ll find any premise necessary to build the logic on top of to support the actions that you’re doing. And this is where a lot of the gaslighting comes in to yourself or to other people.
So what do you need to do about it? Well, a big one. Get all the shitty people out of your life, get the losers out. Because there is an aspect that you guys do become the people that you’re around. This doesn’t justify you acting shitty if they’re being bad.
If they’re a poor moral character, or if they’re undisciplined doesn’t justify you being undisciplined as well. This means that you need to get them out of your life. Let them be their own failures, or make their mistakes because that’s their journey to walk not yours. And surround yourself with people that are productive, have high moral character.
That’s step one. To stopping the gaslighting Because you won’t need to essentially shift the context of the situations if you’re in better situations. The other thing is that it’s really important that with people that are actually good, disciplined, that you’re actually surrounding yourself with people who are important with those people, you need to ask questions. Not everybody thinks like you is so, so, so irritating when ti children think that everybody else and just assumes that everybody else thinks like them.
Therefore, you guys know what other people are thinking because you know how you think it’s not true. First of all, like at the very fundamental level, if you if you aren’t basing your logic on the right premise in the first place, or good information, if it’s outdated information, then you’re wrong. By default. Your math checks out, but you get the wrong answer, because you’re using the wrong system to, you know, solve the problem.
So you need to ask questions. The second you get that little tingle in your gut, like, Oh, I know that I know how to fix this. I know the answer here. Ask them what they think.
Ask them why they think the way that they do. That’s gonna solve a lot of problems just by itself, just by you asking that simple. Hey, you know, why do you think this way? Like, why did you arrive at that conclusion? It’ll also help immensely with your se, inferior performance anxiety, because you’ll have clearly established boundaries. If you start asking people, it’ll help with your any nemesis.
You’ll understand what people want more, when you’re actually asking them questions. So get the losers out of your life. For the people that are important, ask them questions. What else? So when you guys are gaslighting yourselves, what that usually comes down to is your shitty memory.
You guys can’t remember without keeping memory, totems. And so you don’t remember exactly what happened. And then you start making assumptions based on what you think might have happened. And once again, you’re starting off with faulty premises.
And you start building your chain of logic, and what you think you should do next. And then all of a sudden, you built this huge pyramid. And you start actually talking to other people, when you actually get out of your house and talk to other people. You start talking to people, and it’s like, oh, shit, why is what they’re saying so different than what I was thinking? Why is the situation not matching? And now you have performance anxiety, because you didn’t know what to expect going into it? Because well, you thought you did.
But now everything’s changed. And now it’s like, oh, I don’t know where the where the boundaries are anymore. Nothing added up the way I was supposed to. So come on.
The other part of it, is your own feeling of self worthlessness. Right. And you keep telling yourself, Oh, I’m not worth it. I’m not good enough.
Keep deprecating on yourself, and you self deprecating. And you just convince yourself that you’re this piece of shit. Which is what usually ends up leading to the well, I was talking about earlier about how you guys have a tendency to put other people down. So you don’t have to actually improve, right? Well, guess what? If you’re surrounded by hardworking people with good moral fiber, you’ll start adopting those traits.
You’ll let people be themselves. And you’ll only be working on trying to improve yourself. You’ll be able to actually overcome that ePHI critic problem. Because it’s like, no, you know what? I’m not trying to control other people’s lives.
I don’t, I don’t think that I have all the answers. which just leads to you get proven, proven wrong time again, and you cause more harm than good. And then you feel like a piece of shit. Because suddenly you’re seeing how badly it affected people.
And that’s if you’re taking the time to actually truly acknowledge the problem that you caused, and accepting those consequences that you held a part in that no If you’re surrounding yourself with good people, you’re asking questions before trying to give people answers, or trying to assume you’re not going to have a whole lot to criticize yourself on. So, those feelings of worthlessness and the gaslighting yourself that comes with that, that’ll that’ll start to go away. Part of the reason why you guys do this is because you so desperately want to be connected to people. It’s really hard to do that if you’re not spending any time actually going out and connecting to people.
Right? Oh, but I just, I don’t know. I don’t I don’t know how to talk to people. I always make things worse. Yeah.
Welcome to The Club. Well, fuck up. I’m an ENFP. It’s literally how I live my life.
Don’t cry to me about it. That’s, that’s literally every every interaction I have. It’s trial by fire every time learning from every painful mistake. You guys can accept that that’s just a part of life.
That’s not something to be fixed, but something to be embraced. You might actually start seeing some improvement. But as I was saying, that whole desperation to feel connected to people, you guys is origin is intimacy. Right? You need you see everything, the entire world through how people are connected to each other.
How the connections are strong, how they’re weak. Fortunately, your ePHI credit gets the best of you and automatically assumes that your connection to other people is shitty. Get over it. Try anyway.
They’re still in your life if they’re good people, hard working. And just keep trying. So long as you’re honest about it. Most people are understanding, you don’t really have to sweat it as much as you think you do se inferior.
Now, if you want to find more about the origins, make sure you go and get that acolyte membership. There’s a ton of content on CS Joseph dot life, but the temples, the origins, all of that is more and more contents coming out about it. The origins are all out already. You can learn more about you know how intimacy works, how it leads to various other things in your life.
So you haven’t checked it out? What are you doing? Go look at it, it’ll you’ll, you’ll feel a little called out. As as happens. your guys’s intimacy videos is particularly hard hitting, you know? Really, really Chase gets into it. So anyhow.
You guys just need to know when to ask questions. You need to start actually trying to connect to people get the losers out of your life. You know, stop being so goddamn hard on yourself because you fail once or twice. It’s not an easy solution to stopping the gaslighting.
But the problem is when you guys are struggling and having issues it’s a deep rooted problem. So anyhow, have a good night, folks. If you found this useful, insightful. Make sure you leave a like hit the notification bell, subscribe to the channel.
I will be seeing you guys a lot more for these acolyte questions and hopefully some other content here in the near future. If you have any more specific questions, drop them in the comments below. You can I’ll be sure to read them and respond to what I can. And then you guys can always reach out to us on the discord server.
There’s a lot happening there. A lot of good conversations and a lot of big things in the work for the discord server here in the near future. So make sure you guys are heading over there as well. Anyway, you guys have a good night, and I’ll catch you on the next video.
