How Can an INFP Woman gain power and Authority within the relationship? | CS Joseph Responds

How Can an INFP Woman gain power and Authority within the relationship? | CS Joseph Responds

 

CS Joseph responds to the Acolyte member question how can an INFP woman gain power and authority within the confines of a sexual relationship.

Transcript:

Welcome to CS Joseph podcast. I’m your host CS Joseph. Today’s question is very special and important question to me personally, I was very happy when I saw that this question came in through from one of our acolyte members, and just blown away by it. But the question is, how can an INFP woman gain power and authority within her relationship within her sexual relationship? Oh, what a question.

So glad it’s asked every now and then I get these insanely exciting questions. And this is absolutely one of them. One of the greatest one of the greatest questions that we’ve asked, this is probably top five questions that’s been asked by acolyte members. And hey, if you want answers to your questions, become an acolyte member CS Joseph dot life for slash members become a journeyman, then upgrade to acolyte from there, or CS Joseph dot life force slash portal, if you already are a journeyman member, and click on the acolyte section and upgrade your account from there, and you get one question per month that you hit submit to me, and then Chris, and I will answer your question on the YouTube channel and on the podcast so that everybody can learn.

So the question How, how can an INFP woman gain power and authority within the confines of her sexual relationship? All right. Couple of things. Let’s talk about resources because this is an INFP question, likely asked by an INFP. And because of that, we need to make sure that you folks are propped up with the proper resources and reading, so you can actually understand the points that I’m about to make.

So let’s talk about let’s let’s look at the bibliography. All right, I’m going to submit a bibliography for you INFP is to empower your extroverted thinking inferiors, so you guys can aspire with them and become basically amazing people. Because you’re reading right. Pretty simple.

All right. So the first resource is mating in captivity by Esther Perel. gotta read that. The next resource is wife school, by Julie Gordon.

gotta read that. The next resource is irresistibly feminine by Zack Rody za KROEDD. It is available on Audible, and then his other book worthy woman, also by Zack Rody, but it is not available on Audible. It is available on Kindle Unlimited however, get that there, if you guys need an audio book, go to see us Joseph dot life Ford slash reading, click the Account.

Click on Audible there to get a free account, you get a free book, you can get a free copy of irresistibly feminine, while you are just just for making an account with us, and it gives us some commission which helps pay for the channel. So yeah, affiliate links, you know, and then also you can peruse my library, I keep it posted, and you know, what’s in my library, everything that I’ve read there, although it’s kind of a year out of date, and I got to add a whole bunch of new books to it and kind of reorder it a little bit. So yeah, hopefully, fib can help me, help me do that. That’d be great.

But anyway, the point is, hey, you know, maybe I’ll walk on the boardwalk today. That’d be pretty cool. While I’m filming this, filming this video, let’s let’s go check out some water, you know what I’m saying? Alright, so additional resources, the book of Esther, right? The Book of Esther, in, in the Bible, definitely one of the best representations of an INFP woman because in the book of Esther, Esther is an INFP. And knowing that she’s an INFP is absolutely fantastic.

When you actually consider that story. It’s pretty amazing. So check that out. And we’re gonna be I’m gonna be referring to these resources throughout throughout this video.

So I’ll do my best to reference as much as I can for you guys is Extraverted Thinking. Okay. So most people assume that, you know, if a woman is in a relationship, a committed relationship with a man that she basically, because she is submitting to him, that she loses all power and authority, but that is actually inaccurate. That’s not That’s not true.

Actually. It’s it’s, it’s not. And this is one of the reasons why INFP women really actually struggle getting into committed relationships and submitting to a man because submitting is scary. It’s actually very scary for any woman to submit to a man very scary.

And the reason why it’s necessary for women to submit to a man is because well guess what? Women always are always submitting to something or somebody in their life, they can’t help it. They always are, you know, it’s first starts with their dad. And if they submit to their dad properly, maybe there’ll be, you know, kept off with a stripper pole, or worse in their life. Because you know, fatherlessness is a huge problem.

So submission to dad is a big deal. And then, if a woman is very capable of submitting to her father, that means she can submit to her husband. And oftentimes, when I am coaching men, in terms of when it comes time for them to choose a wife from which they can build their family and build their children through that woman, it’s, it’s basically based on, you know, how does what is her relationship with her father based on? And, you know, I know, that’s kind of like some traditional adage, but it actually matters. Is she actually able to be submissive to her own father? Yes, or no, because if she’s not able to submit to her father, there’s no way she’ll be able to submit to you.

And that too, becomes a big issue, it becomes a big problem. So, with that being said, let’s say, you know, she, you know, you guys get into a relationship. But the problem is, is that INFP, especially INFP, women, they all struggle with feelings of powerlessness. That’s why they have the cognitive origin of authority or power, basically, because and they’re trying to gain more power trying to gain more authority in their life.

So they don’t have to struggle, feelings of powerlessness. And it is so scary to them. The idea of submitting to a man and basically giving up her cognitive origin of power and authority, and the confines of a sexual relationship, a committed sexual relationship. This is oftentimes why INFP women, you know, they end up having pretty decent, the like, pretty high body counts, basically the amount of men that have been inside of them over time, because they’re kind of scared of commitment.

And the thing is, is that if they commit to a man, and even if he like, lets her down once or twice those feelings of powerlessness creep up, and she cheats on him. Cheating is an extremely huge risk with INFP. Women, it’s because they’re virtue advice, the virtue of loyalty, but then also the vise of treachery. And they can be very, very treacherous.

While they are technically the most loyal of women out there in the 16 types, they are also the most treacherous and they oscillate between those two extremes, right? So you have to deal with the INFP female penchant for cheating also, and also even monkey branching with her hypergamy. And that too, ends up becoming a huge problem on a consistent basis. Right. So, so with that being said, you know, let’s say the relationship has taken place, they’re committed, she’s there.

But all of a sudden, those feelings of powerlessness is creeping up. And why, why is that? Why are these feelings of powerlessness creeping up? Oftentimes, you know, when I’m coaching INFP, women who have come to me with the same problem, they, they’re just like, I don’t feel like I have any decision making power or any this any that, you know, within, within the relationship, and I remind them like, well, your job is not decision making your job is not problem solving. Your job is to gather information, your job is perceiving every woman’s job in a sexual relationship is to be a perceiver and rely on her feminine intuition to provide a warning to her man or valuable input to her man so that he makes the right decision. Right.

So while he has the decision making power, you the INFP woman has perceptional power, kind of like that movie, and big My Big Fat Greek Wedding, where the mother has explaining to her daughter, like, hey, you know, men are the head, they make decisions. But women, we women are the neck and we turn the head. Well, that’s, that’s true. Like, that’s actually, that’s a fact.

That is true. And it’s true, because women can see things before they happen with their feminine intuition. And that ends up providing good benefit to the men. Because the men is like, Oh, I’m oblivious because I don’t have female perception powers.

I have male decision making powers, right? And so based on that, when you combine the feminine and the masculine in the confines of a sexual relationship, men’s decision making abilities go way up, because they’re being somewhat guided by the perception of their women. So INFP women, you need to realize that if you’re feeling powerless, it’s likely because you’re not providing input to your man, or you’re providing a low quality input to your man because you’re not really educated. If you’re not reading books, and I mean nonfiction books consistently. Then what are you doing? Like seriously, what are you doing? You can’t do that.

You have to, you have to make sure that you are reading books on like reading articles, reading books, reading all sorts of things. consistently, right? That way, you always have an extremely valuable opinion. And that valuable opinion, based on some of the warning signs that you see with the expert intuition parent, right. And then maybe based on also warning signs, if you find yourself in an uncomfortable or unsafe situation, that matters, too, right.

So you take all those things, right. And it, it becomes a valuable opinion, it becomes valuable input, you know, and women being the neck and you know, men being had, it will give you the opportunity to provide that valuable input to your man, as a result, he’ll be able to make better decisions, and they don’t have to have feelings of powerless anymore powerlessness anymore. In your relationship. You know, it’s so easy for an INFP to create excuses for herself, because si child is producing a cognitive origin of justification, right? And spend all those excuses on herself as to why she can’t learn as to why she can’t grow as to why, you know, ultimately, she can’t improve her life, or why she can’t read books, or to make her opinion more valuable.

But the more valuable her opinion is, the more power she has in the in terms of the relationship because as a result, she’s actually able to provide proper guidance to her man in terms of his decision making. There’s a lot of power there, right. And all of a sudden, when you start seeing that your valuable opinion, is being relied upon, as input to him. For what from which he makes decisions, you realize that you actually had power all along.

And it wasn’t him lording anything over you, it wasn’t him taking your choice away, it wasn’t him, forcing you to do things that you didn’t want to do. It’s just he didn’t want to listen to you, because he knew that your opinion, and your input was not actually that valuable. That was the actual problem. God forbid, that was the actual problem.

You know, so So based on that, what’s the girl to do? You need to read books, you need to make your opinion valuable. That’s super important, right? But then, you know, you can look at other examples of submission and how there’s actually power in submission, read the book of Esther. Okay. So like, the whole story of Esther is basically a comparison between two queens.

There is Queen Vashti. Right? Queen Vashti is king Xerxes queen. So what happened was, is that King Xerxes took the Persian army and went north to conquer Greece. So after conquering Greece, oh, wait, he didn’t, he failed.

So, you know, that’s where you have the story of the 300, and kingly and an itis at the Battle of Thermopylae, and then the Battle of Marathon and all these different battles, et cetera. But the point is, is that the Persians lost. So Xerxes took his, took his army and went home, and he had his Queen Vashti. And he loves Vashti.

Of course, he has harem. But fast, he was absolutely his favorite. He loved Vashti. And he just decided, you know, to spend the rest of his days partying, that’s all he did.

He partied over and over and over, hung out with his harem over and over and over. And that’s all he did. basically wasting his life, ignoring leadership at the kingdom, basically, because he was depressed after getting his ass beat and losing a war against the Greeks. That’s what he got for it.

Thing is, is that one of his parties, what happened was his that he commanded his Queen Vashti, because he got super drunk, he commanded her to come out in front of all of his male friends, completely naked, except for wearing nothing but her crown. And she would have to expose herself to all of his male friends, he was going to show her off, basically, because he was bragging about her. And then she refused. Now to refuse an order from the King, even though he was an idiot, even though he was making the wrong decision, obviously.

And you know, morally, ethically, yeah, sure, she was justified in refusing. The thing is, but to refuse an edict from the King basically means you’re dead, you know? So, and then, when, when all of his friends and advisers found out that she said no, they’re like, Hey, you have to make an example of her because all the women in the kingdom are going to defy their husbands. You had to set an example. So basically, what had to happen is king Xerxes got super depressed, super sad because he had to banish Queen Vashti from the kingdom and she was banished.

What happens to a queen when she’s banished, you know, as she’s been kicked out of the front gate of the Palace. Well, she’s basically got a lineup of men right there ready to have their way with her, which is pretty rough. Wow. All because she disobeyed the king for walking naked, wearing her crown in front of all his friends at a party he was throwing off for that.

That sucks. Yeah, kings are she’s an idiot. But he was also the king, and she disrespected the king, she disrespected her. So she could have made her requests in a different way.

You know, she could have had feminine energy, and use feminine energy to get a better outcome than her showing up naked, in her crown in front of everybody while he was being drunk. There could have been strategies that she could use. So she was gone, he got super depressed, he kind of let the kingdom slip for about two years, the leaders of the kingdom were freaking out over his depression. So they got together and like, Okay, let’s go find a bunch of virgins throughout the king throughout the kingdom, we’ll bring them all together, put the Unix in charge of them, line them up.

And then he’ll have sex with each one each individual version, one per night, basically, until he selects a new queen. So that’s what they did. And then eventually he got with Esther. He liked him some Esther, so he made her his queen, basically.

So and then all sudden, Esther discovers a plot to, you know, genocide against the Jews basically, to kill the Jews. The problem is, is that if she’d have barged in and asked her husband, the king for help, she also would have been treated just like Vashti. So she had to submissively turn the neck of the king and make him aware of the fact that her and all of her people were about to get executed because he was being manipulated by one of his advisers. Right.

So she had to do this respectively. Respectfully. And this is like where this is where you know, there’s a huge difference is where you see the contrast between Queen Vashti is behavior and Queen Esther’s behavior. And don’t get me wrong, Queen Esther is an INFP woman, okay, so that’s why it’s like relevant, you know, she’s right there.

She’s the queen, she’s, you know, trying to be all super respectful. So she throws banquet after banquet after banquet basically, to generate report a lot of report with the king. And the king finally tells her after throwing all these banquets, these big parties, you know, tugging at the heart of the king, and everything. And the king is like, oh, man, I love this woman isn’t She’s so great, you know, and then the king says, you know, make a request to me.

And if even up to half of the kingdom, it will be given to you. And, you know, obviously, you know, a woman wouldn’t want to do that anyway. But he is, you know, basically showing like the you know, how just how powerful he is to grant the request of his queen, basically, in that in that moment, was like a show of strength is like a show of power, you know? So, in that moment, she’s like, well, you can grant me my life and then exposed this huge conspiracy to kill her and her people, basically, which his advisor had no idea that she was of that same ethnic group that they’re all about to whack, right? And then the king had that advisor executed as a result, and she saved her people. That’s the whole point.

Here’s the point. So what did we learn, we learned that if a woman comes in demanding an outcome, she is leading. This is something Zach Rody teaches in his books. Do not allow a woman to lead men you are listening to this do not allow a woman to lead you women do not lead your men.

Also, like here’s the thing, like if you’re being disrespectful, even if you’re right, even if you’re 100%, correct, like Queen Vashti. She was right. But she did it in a respectful or a disrespectful way. The fact that you weren’t respectful basically means your man is just going to auto dismiss you he’s going to auto tune you out.

And even if you’re right, you’re not going to be listened to. He’s going to turn his ears off entirely. Well, no one understands that more than an extroverted thinking inferior Extraverted Thinking inferior is afraid of its voice being squelched out above everybody else, okay? And like their voice will not be final enough, or people will not be able to hear them and consider their opinion. They’re very afraid of that.

So Esther had to put a lot of investment through FY hero, and a lot of time and energy with her Introverted Sensing child, a lot of effort specifically into her case, in order to in her eyes earn the opportunity to make a request with him. I mean, she could have done it immediately after the first banquet that she threw him, but she had to perform on multiple occasions to that end, in order to basically earn the right to speak because they’re just the king herself. They himself that is making the request. Because it is disrespectful for even the Queen to make a request of her king, basically, because she would have been going for an outcome, which would have been her leading.

If you women you need to understand. submission is where your power is. All you have to do is tell your man, what you need. All you have to do is tell your man how you feel.

Don’t lead don’t go for an outcome you have to give, you have to state your problem, you have to learn how to state the problem that you’re facing. And that gives him the opportunity to lead and solve the problem for you. But if you state the outcome, after you state the problem, or if you state the thing that you want from him, that’s you leading basically, and then he’s likely to become angry, or he’ll just dismiss you. Or it’ll just be a negative response for him.

Because it’s technically emasculating, you can’t emasculate him. So an All women need to learn this. Basically, it’s why All women need to read these books. And especially difficult for women to do so in today’s day and age, because they’ve been over masculine eyes while they’re feminists.

Their feminine energy has been completely destroyed. So the point is, like, learn from Hester’s example, you know, don’t lead your man, do not lead your man. Do not lead your husband, okay? Let him lead. And if you still really, really an outcome, tell him how you feel or state your problem and let him choose the outcome.

This is important because it’s like, you know, sometimes there’s an example in the sack roadie books, for example, where his wife wanted him to want him to cook dinner. And she wanted to tell him directly, hey, I want you to cook dinner tonight. And that would have been her leading. When instead she’s like, Oh, I’m really tired.

You know? We’re doing all this doing all this. I’m not sure I can really cook dinner tonight. This really sucks. And he’s like, okay, yeah, sure.

But instead of cooking dinner, what he said, Let’s put on something nice. Let’s go out to eat this evening. So he chose something better, right? It’s kind of like when you take a child to a toy section until the child they can pick out a toy. The child on the bottom picks out a toy shows it to dad.

And then dad tells the child no, we’re not getting that one. And the child is all sad about it. But then dad picks something even better from the top shelf basically, for their child. That is what it is.

That’s masculinity that is leading, right. But a woman takes away that opportunity instantly from her man if she decides to lead. And that too is the problem. A huge problem, right? You don’t want to take that position away.

The other thing is, is that like, don’t react to him. If he upsets you. Just tell him how he hurt you tell him how you made him feel, then he won’t do it again, then you’re not leading for example. Always state what your needs are.

That way he can meet those needs. It’s not hard. Don’t hide those needs. You don’t have to.

It’s all about stating what your needs are. Needs are everything. And if you don’t feel yourself worthy enough to ask for your needs to be met, your man is not going to find you worthy enough to meet your needs, right? Again, this is where you can have power, the power being how to get an outcome, right? Well, let your man choose. Let your man solve your problem.

Be feminine. That’s what feminine energy is all about. Right? This is exactly what Queen Esther did as an INFP. Specifically for her husband, the king king Xerxes of Persia, okay.

And she saved her people because she was submissive. Another aspect of submission is also receive, learn how to receive from your man, show him appreciation and prove it with gratitude for the things that he gives to you stop trying to give to your man instead, have him give to you. And if he’s not giving to you tell him how much that hurts you without stating any outcomes whatsoever. And this is really hard for INFP women to do because they are triple outcome.

So because of that they’re constantly stating outcomes on a regular basis. They have to learn to let go of that part of themselves. Everybody, every woman in the 16 types, every person in the 16 types, has to learn to let go of one part of themselves that has part of their natural proclivities just for the sake of a sexual relationship. I don’t care if you’re in a golden pair, you still have to do it.

Everyone has to do it. Right. That’s just the way it goes. That’s just you know, there’s no such thing as perfection.

Even though if you have highest compatibility on your nature and your nurture, your type and your Archigram it’s still it’s still you have to you there’s gonna be some things that you’re just gonna have to let go. Because there’s always gonna be someone primary in the relationship, your husband, and then secondary in the relay. Friendship wishes the wife basically. But you know, here’s the thing, here’s how you exercise power within the confines relationship, you have authority as a woman, you have authority over your feminine energy, you need to utilize your feminine energy in a submissive way towards your husband.

As a result, he will meet all of your needs. As a result, he will take care of your feelings. As a result, he will strengthen your vulnerabilities. And he will eventually give you everything you asked for, except it’s him choosing the outcome for you.

And you have to be comfortable with doing that. You have to know that that’s what submission is all about. The fact that you’re getting an outcome from him, which are potentially better outcomes than you can possibly imagine. Well, that’s one of the great things about being in a committed sexual relationship where the feminine energy and the masculine energy are present, and nothing is missing.

So anyway, folks, thanks for watching and listening. And I’ll see you guys tonight.