How can an ENFJ encourage an INFP to be vulnerable? | CS Joseph Responds
CS Joseph responds to the Acolyte question how can an ENFJ encourage an INFP to be vulnerable?
Transcript:
Welcome to the CS Joseph podcast. I’m your host C. S. Joseph.
And this is the month of INFP questions, apparently, which is awesome. Like to see some variety going outside of INFJ, INTJ and ENTP questions. That would be nice. But we’d also like to see some more questions for about s types, folks, some some sensor questions, let’s get some in there.
Otherwise, I’m probably just going to find some random ones myself. And just for the sake of variety, because it’s getting a little boring talking about the same types over and over and over, I want to I want to see some desire here from the audience on in terms of what other or the members of what other types could be, you know, questions to be asked for, like, come on as a bronze pair question. Just a benefactor questions, you know, bronze pair questions, breaks the Yes, sensing intuitive barrier, so might get some more information about them. But anyway, the question I have for this episode is, I wanted to ask you, if you can address this chase, can you explain more about the up and down nature of golden pairs when one person is hiding something? I’m currently experiencing that right now, because the INFP is unwilling to be vulnerable and honest, we aren’t talking right now.
And it’s definitely up and down. I wanted to see if he could or I want to see if you could explain more. Thank you. So this is from an ENFJ woman, I believe.
And this en FJ is asking to explain more about Golden pear interactions when it comes to their relationship with an INFP. And their INFP is unwilling to be vulnerable. So what causes an INFP man to be told to not be vulnerable within the context of a relationship? Well, first and foremost, you need to like figure out if you’re actually meeting his needs. So what are the actual relationship needs of an INFP? Now remember, when it comes to slight seduction, and you’re and you’re first dating, etc, that’s more about wants.
But when you’re talking about actual long term relationships, everything switches towards needs, and you have to look at the egos mental needs versus the egos mental wants, right. So dating is more for wants, but actually long term relationships, they are all about needs. So what are the INFP needs? First and foremost, they just want to be heard. They’re like literally the people that’s like, I’m going to tell you how you feel, and I don’t need you to fix it.
Okay, so if I hear oh, just wants to be heard. That’s That’s it just heard, you don’t actually have to fix anything. And of course, that’s great for TI inferior, because ti inferior is afraid they may not know how to fix it. So the FR heroes just got to be like this, I feel about it.
And they don’t have to actually do anything. And sometimes the ENFJ is can be a little too arrogant on that end of the spectrum and then decide to fix anyway, even though the INFP never actually invited them to fix the damn thing. So you might want to pay attention a little bit to that ENFJ is that that’s kind of important. The other thing is, is that what if the INFP doesn’t even feel wanted or desired by you the ENFJ? Have you considered that? What if the INFP is uncomfortable? Likely because they are being found undesirable? Or maybe they’re becoming undesirable? Because they already feel uncomfortable? What are you doing as the ENFJ to actually make the INFP? Si child feel more comfortable, feel safer, feel more stable? What kind of Zen Are you bringing to the INFP within the relationship? Like seriously, how are you contributing in that way? Are you? And the other thing is, is that is any decision that you’re doing is the INFP feeling? Is he feeling disrespected by you right now? Are you actually listening to him and giving him a voice? Does he feel that his opinion is actually valuable around you? Like, have you ever thought about that? Because if he’s love sharing opinions, and they especially have to be able to share their opinion, with their sexual relationship, right? That’s kind of like a big deal.
That’s kind of a big thing. I needed thing. And I’m not entirely sure. That’s the best, you know.
So. So based on that, like, you gotta make sure that you’re meeting those needs, you got to be willing to hear their opinion, like, here’s the thing like, also, inf peas typically aren’t vulnerable with people because they get shamed when they’re vulnerable. And ENFJ sometimes because like when you’re the context of a golden pair, it’s the highest highs and the lowest lows basically, there also is a lot of enabling as much as there is a lot of disabling but oftentimes AMS golden pair relationships end up being really short lived, very short lived, not very, it’s actually very, very few people can actually make a golden pair. Last in terms of a long term relationship, it’s very, very difficult.
More likely, you’ll see bronze pair or pedagogue relationships being the two relationships that end up being more long term relationship focused. Whereas the golden and silver pair relationships, it’s not not as much with golden pair potentially even being the least because like, golden pairs are more about flings actually, than sort of long term relationships because especially in Western society, because they can just read each other like a book. And because they’re able to read each other like a book, they’re able to make assumptions. And they’re not willing to listen as much, because they assume you already understand or that you will understand.
So they end up making decisions that they’re not really factoring you in or you yourself are making decisions, not factoring them in, and it cause it causes a lot of conflict, unnecessary conflict, etc. So, vulnerability in terms of INFP, first of all, the INFP above all needs to feel safe enough to do so. So what are you doing is ENFJ, making the INFP feel unsafe? You might want to find that out. The other thing is, is that if you’re not regularly he listening or hearing the INFP is opinion, and then actually taking action based on their opinion, why would they risk their reputation? Why would they risk their status to be vulnerable with you, when there’s a high risk of you shaming them for it later, especially given how cruel NF j’s are? INFP is no NF j’s are cruel, because they themselves have that cruel ENFJ inside of their head.
Okay. That is literally how it is. And y’all are part of the mind Temple, which means you have this desire for learning constantly. And then sometimes you compare yourselves to each other.
Well, I’ve learned the most so I’m the expert in this area. And then you just constantly like, Well, you’re the expert. This is the things you’re experts in, these are the things I’m the expert in. And then we’re just going to respect each other in these areas.
And that’s it, and I’m like, Oh my God, I don’t want to be in a relationship with an ENFJ ever again. I hated that. I hated that. Because oftentimes, I’d like to tell the ENFJ is Ti inferior, like, No, you actually don’t know what you’re talking about.
I don’t care how many credentials you have, I don’t care how much you tell yourself that lie or that you pretend you don’t actually know. And she just couldn’t handle my te critic as a result. I get it. But you know, that’s what you get for being in a sexual relationship with an intp.
You want me to change that? It’s not going to happen? Well, you will you should change Mr. CS Joseph, if you love her enough, like no, actually, I’m the man in the relationship, which means I’m the primary, which means she orbits me and I don’t obey at her, which means I’m not going to change for her. If anything, she’s going to change for me. And that’s how it works.
And if you don’t like it, don’t be in a relationship with me. The next girl who is in line to be my girl will be happy to do that for me while you do not. So goodbye now. Goodbye.
Goodbye. So, yeah, and you know, and if you can imagine me behaving like Iago from the first Aladdin movie, would I do that? Yeah, exactly. So although Iago is an ENFP. So its vulnerability, it really comes down to whether or not they feel safe.
And if you’ve been TAing, their te opinion this whole time, why would they ever feel safe with you? Why would an INFP actually feel safe and sharing their opinion with you, when they’re potentially used to you being cruel and destroying their opinion? So this is what I want you to do. I want you to go up to your INFP man and ask him, if he feels that you’re respectful, if he feels that you actually listen to him? Oh, that’s a big one. If you actually listen, yeah, because ti, ti and fury really only has enough room in their life to listen to just one person, which is the person they’re in a sexual relationship with, let’s be straight. So you know, you don’t have enough room for anyone else.
It’s so interesting how Inferior functions work that way. Ask the INFP those questions. And that will lead to vulnerability later, because the INFP all of a sudden feels like that, it all of a sudden will feel like oh, it’s safe for me to actually criticize you. And you’re actually willing to take my criticism.
Okay, sure. Here’s my opinion of you. You need to ask the INFP specifically, what his opinion is of you and why. And ask him to provide specific examples to you as to why you have potentially failed in this area.
This is extremely critical. Because if you don’t do this, they won’t trust you. And if an INFP doesn’t trust you and doesn’t feel safe, and and you have a and if you have a track record of basically stepping on them or walking all over their te inferior opinion. Why would they ever want to be vulnerable with you ever? Because it’s as if you’re telling them that they’re a bad person, because they’re not what because they’re not their principles don’t match what you think is true.
Your ti inferior what your TI inferior thinks is true. You see what I’m saying? Like it’s not Your ti inferior may not be the most accurate thing in the world. And they know that their si hero knows that you know, and don’t forget, like, as brilliant as you ti inferior ENFJ is think you are INFJs are way more brilliant than you. Because INFJs are the most brilliant of all the types, let’s be honest.
So you need to get to the point where you’re willing to humble yourself, you know, to the point where like you being a TI inferior as an ENFJ, you should be like you’re so afraid of being stupid or being called stupid, you might want to get to the point where you can actually accept that you kind of are stupid, a little bit, if you can get to that point where you can accept that you just don’t really know anything. And you’re not really going to know that much in your life, the better you’re going to be because then you accept it, you recognize that you’re actually behind everybody else in the whole world, when it comes to thinking. And this will allow you to actually devote yourself devote your life to learning all the skills that you need to develop your thinking even further so that eventually you will you could potentially become the smart one in the room all the time, everywhere. Otherwise, you’ll end up like my father who’s just a walking No at all, and has that reputation and people literally hate my father, especially people that I’ve known ever since I was a little boy till present, who absolutely cannot stand him because he’s just the walking noodle.
And because he’s the walking No at all, and He’s incapable of listening, he just continues to feed that ti inferior echo chamber within his head. And it just gives them that deadly sin of pride, which is the deadly sin of ENFJ’s, it is pride. Okay. So just like it is with isdp stay the same deadly sin.
And we’re gonna be talking more about deadly sins when we get into the CSJ version of our of the INIA gram in the very near future. But we got to finish the episodes that we have coming out on the temples in season 18. So keep that aware of folks keep. Keep that understood.
Again, if you want your INFP to be vulnerable, it really comes down to you need to go up to them and ask them. Hey, have I’ve actually been disrespectful to you? Do you feel respected? Do you feel listened to? Do you feel like you have a voice in this relationship? Do you feel safe? Do you feel comfortable with me, etc. And if they’re still unwilling to talk to you about it, we’ll give them some space. Okay, don’t be that nagging ENFJ I used to be in a relationship with one I know they exist.
Okay. Don’t be the neg. And just let them be until they themselves actually feel safe to talk to you about it. Okay.
That’s the thing. And if you’re so afraid of rejection, and so afraid of abandonment? Well, if they didn’t tell you that they’ve abandoned you, then they’re probably not going to abandon you. Yeah, I get that their vices, treachery. But the thing is, is if you’re going out of your way to communicate these questions to them, it’s more likely to make them less treacherous in the long run anyway, because all of a sudden, they’ve realized that you have enough self awareness to realize that you might actually be the problem.
And then they wouldn’t be so worried about telling you whether or not your character is lacking, because their Fe Nemesis causes them to worry about that kind of stuff. It’s just a lot of stress on an INFP. They’re very sensitive. So give them space, ask them these questions, and be patient knows more patient than they are so and you expect them to be patient.
So why don’t you the ENFJ woman, exercise some patience yourself, okay. And then as a result, that would cause him to be more loving towards you anyway, because you’re laying all of your cards down on the table, knowing full well that he can reject you knowing full well that he can abandon you knowing full well that you can betray you at any given time. Because the reality of the situation is you ENFJ women all have this problem. Well, I’m afraid of being a doormat, until you’re willing to risk being a doormat in your relationship with a man, then you’re not really going to be able to keep him because that’s what it is to be feminine.
You have to risk being a doormat, okay, to your man. And if you’re not willing to take that risk, you’re technically a substandard woman. And I would actually recommend he potentially get himself a different woman at that standpoint or an additional one. So anyway, hopefully that answered your question.
And I hope that really, really helps you in your life. So anyway, folks, thank you for watching and listening, and I’ll see you guys on the next episode.
