INFP Building and Keeping Social Relationships | CS Joseph Responds
CS Joseph Responds to the Acolyte question how can can INFPS build and maintain relationships?
Transcript:
Welcome to the CS Joseph podcast. I’m your host for this episode, Chris Taylor, also known as Raka, bringing you another acolyte question today. Today’s question is yet again, another one for the INFP is in the audience. This one is How can I NF peas make and maintain healthy relationships? Now, first thing I’m going to address is for you guys specifically for yourselves.
Okay, and then we’ll get into what to look at when it comes to other people. So, in an ideal perfect world, you’re going to want people to come to you, it’s proof that people actually want you around. And that’s going to help you actually feel comfortable around them. Now, I’m going to start off with some questions here.
Okay. So, regarding that. First things first, are you actually going out? Are you putting yourself out there in environments where you can be approached in the first place? Or are you frequenting the same spots doing the same thing you’ve kind of always done? And you’re wondering why you’re not seeing a difference. Or maybe you’re not wondering why you’re not seeing a difference, but you just feel lost on how to even go about it.
You need to step outside of your comfort zone at times and actually go and to places you’re unfamiliar with. Maybe you go to coffee shops, maybe you go to bars, maybe you go to parties with some kind of friend. But are you doing different things? Or are you just staying in your comfort zone? For some of you? Are you even leaving your house other than to just meet your needs. And I don’t mean going grocery shopping, I don’t mean running errands, I mean going out.
This can be to the gym. This could be, again, parties, going over to friends, but actually going out into social circumstances that aren’t just your typical one on one, same person you’ve been hanging out with, or if you’re not hanging out again. That’s, that’s a problem in and of itself. But I digress.
So let’s say you started reaching out, you started expanding your horizons, on going to places outside of your comfort zone, you’re doing different things. Maybe you’re starting to go to meetup groups, for shared common interests, that’s a great one, especially in your topic of interest, whatever that is, if you have a specific thing that you are passionate about a specific thing that matters to you, right, could be studying could be a hobby, right? Are you using the apps to try to get into those social circles? So another great way to try to get out there and put yourself out there? Now on the next part of that, are you approachable? Are you desirable? These kinds of go hand in hand? There’s a little bit of a difference here. But first and foremost, are you are you desirable? Unfortunately, we live in a world where people do judge books by their cover. It’s hard to get around that people all the time will look at somebody and decide within seconds whether or not they want to engage with that person or not.
Oftentimes, this is this can come down to health, some people, some people that matters to oftentimes with se trickster and si child, this comes down to your attire, are you dressed appropriately for the situation? Or are you just essentially in whatever makes you feel the most comfortable? But raka I have se trickster? How am I going to get better at fashion? Study it or find a place where people are talking about fashion. We have a fashion portion of the discord. If you get there, if you’re not already there, make sure you get into that section. And I guarantee you there’s plenty of se users in there that would be more than happy to help you.
If you post a picture, say hey, look, this is what I’m dressed in. Like this is my going out attire, can you help me find something that’s more flattering? That or that makes me a little more desirable, that will go a long way towards helping your approachability as a whole. There’s a whole art form to it. Frankly, I’m not an SE user myself, I can’t give you the best advice on that.
But again, plenty of se users on the discord that will be more than happy to help the SE tricksters of the world, try to get better fashion, present themselves better. That’s as far as meeting people is concerned, it really does come down to you have to put yourself out there. And make sure when you are you’re presenting yourself in a good way. This also sometimes means when I say putting yourself out there, this also sometimes means you have to be the ones to initiate.
In a perfect world, being in any user means everybody comes to you. It’s not the world we live in. And if it’s a friendship, it doesn’t really matter. If you’re ending up with another any user anyway.
There’s different approaches when you’re looking for a relationship. But if you’re just looking for friendships, who cares if you’re the initiator, if you end up with an AI user, great, if you end up with an any user, great, you can still maintain friendships that way. So don’t be afraid to step into the role of trying to initiate with people, you’re gonna fail, sometimes, you still have se trickster, you might make some people are uncomfortable. You’re an SI user, you can learn from your mistakes.
But you have to be able to put yourself out there. So I’ll stop beating that dead horse. The next portion of this is going to be maintaining for yourself, make sure that when you do have a friendship, make sure that you’re not hiding your vulnerabilities. If there’s somebody that you actually care about, yes, this means that they can screw you over.
Because I know you guys are aware of things that can screw other people over. Because you’re you tend to be what’s the term you tend to be of afraid that you’re going to end up with a bad reputation? And that mindset enables you to see what would make other people have a bad reputation too. And then you worry, well, what if they do these things to me to make me have a bad reputation. If you’re looking for friendships, you’re gonna have to accept that that is a possibility.
Regardless, at some point, you have to allow yourself to be vulnerable with people, it may bite you in the butt, it may screw you over. That doesn’t mean give up. Because if you do, you’re not going to solve the problem of making friendships, keeping them, you’ll go into reclusive mode into the background mode and you’ll stop engaging with people. So you have to be you have to get yourself comfortable with failure.
Instead of just comfortable with your Comfies all the time. It’s just an SI user burden as a whole. Especially for NPs. Now on back onto the NSC trickster.
I’m really gonna harp on this, but are you assuming what other people should or should not be comfortable with there’s a pretty good chance that you are projecting what makes you comfortable onto other people. And you’ll always have a tendency to this. It’s just something that you have to keep in mind. You know, I talked about this a little bit in one of the last INFP videos, but make sure you’re not projecting your comfort onto other people.
Some people are more okay with that, like your golden pair is less aware of their comfort zones personally. So with some types, it’s okay but with a lot of other types. It’s okay to ask. Every so often Hey, like, are you comfortable with doing this thing? So just have some presence of mind when it comes to your comfort zone.
The second you go, yeah, I’d be fine with that. Or, yeah, I really want that experience. Ask the other people, if they want that experience to check in with people. With people that don’t care that about your se trickster, they will tell you, Hey, you don’t have to worry about that.
I’m not uncomfortable, you’re fine. Right. But just make sure you’re finding out that that information. And also, make sure that you share credit with other people.
Again, this goes back into being afraid that other people are going to steal credit from you. Make sure you are lifting people up, make sure you’re empowering other people to actually have some authority on a subject. It’s really important. Because if people see that, you’re just always going to take credit for a shared contribution.
Or if you’re so insecure, that you’re not going to get credit that people aren’t going to realize what you did in the situation, because you’re in the background of things. Why would you want to do that to other people. At the same time, this takes us into what you should be looking at with others when it comes to maintaining healthy friendships. Make sure that other people are acknowledging your efforts, acknowledging your portion of your contributions, and they’re not just using you do not just let yourself become a henchman to somebody else.
I’ve seen you guys just get used to poor treatment with SI child. And that becomes the expectation. And you end up starved for interaction, bouncing between being in the background and actually having people around that value you that care about you that want you don’t put up with poor treatment. I know it’s hard, sometimes not wanting to rock the boat.
You have to stand up for yourself. If you expect other people to respect you, and your boundaries. Here’s another big one. If somebody is gossiping to you, you guys are probably aware of this, but you still let it happen.
But if somebody is gossiping to you, there’s a good chance they’re gonna gossip about you. Which also means stop gossiping about other people. Now, you guys don’t do it for the same reason that like the heart temple gossips, which is for the juicy drama, sometimes you do. But usually, it’s for information.
And I don’t mean that to sound malicious. But it’s so that you can understand what other people are doing better. Oftentimes, there are inf peas out there that use this maliciously. But if you’re looking for friendships, people do take note of that.
Right? And maybe if you’re okay with them gossiping about you, by all means participate in that. But just understand that it does hurt your reputation. Participating in gossip, whether it is for information or not. Whether it’s to make yourself feel better or not.
I don’t think you guys are the worst about that one. But it still is a thing to be to keep in mind from your shadow side in your super ego. So just be careful of that. Make sure you understand while you are trying to experience new things.
Make sure you’re speaking up for your boundaries. You guys do have a tendency to fade into the background. Don’t always expect other people to constantly be considerate or attentive to your discomfort. Sometimes they’re just not paying attention, especially if you’re in a friendship with another ndsi user.
They may not be paying attention to that, just like you, they’re focused on their own experience. But the difference is, if they are making you uncomfortable, and it’s something that you cannot deal with, make sure you say something. Don’t be afraid to rock the boat with other people, because people that are actual friends to you are going to respect what you’re having to say, as far as your comfort zone. Anyhow, I hope this helped answer the question.
If you guys have anything else specific in the comments, go ahead and drop them. I’ve been trying to get to on all of these videos that I’m releasing. I’m trying to get to making sure that I’m addressing as many questions as possible. If you found this lecture useful, helpful, insightful.
Leave like subscribe. See you guys on the discord. And I’ll catch you in the next episode.
