ESFJs, The 1 Skill You Need to Succeed! | CS Joseph Responds
ESFJs, the one skill you need to succeed! CS Joseph Responds to the Acolyte question how can an ESFJ get better at finishing projects?
Transcript:
Hey what’s up ego hackers. Welcome to CS Joseph podcast. And I’m your host CS Joseph, because I’m obviously not Chris and I’m obviously not Sam. And obviously not the other person that like, we’re probably going to be having do videos for us as well, because they act like questions keep pouring in that we got tons to do lots of questions to get through to help get you guys the answers that you need so that you can learn and grow within Fourside sinamics, which is our interpretation, the ego hacker community interpretation of union analytical psychology.
Awesome. And today’s question is, how can an ESFJ get better at finishing projects? Which awesome oh, it’s so good. It’s such a relief to have an ESFJ question and not another INTJ question or you know, like, okay, don’t worry, guys, I don’t mind having all these INTJ questions. I’m sure the INTJ is really appreciate it.
It’s just it’s nice to have like a little bit of variety of the questions and ESFJ’s, like, I love you, folks. You’re my conflict type. But I actually look up to you folks a lot. Like, I remember this one ESF J, who was a firefighter.
Really, really awesome, dude, I ended up on top of the roof of a restaurant called Jimmy’s pizza, in Stanwood. Washington with an ESFJ guy, my cousin and I were like fixing something on top of the roof because like the, you know, their, their thing is their heat pump like went out. And then also we had to go fix their things that Freon or something and we had to deal with the fact that their fridge just went out and all their food is gonna go bad and the owner was freaking out. So it’s an emergency call.
And we were there until like three in the morning, working hard on this roof and getting stuff done. It was pretty cool to have that opportunity. And this ESFJ guy was totally there. And I learned so much from him telling you about how he’s a firefighter telling me about how he’s really good at beer pong, and so many other things.
And let me tell you, this guy absolutely had a hard time finishing projects. I’ll be obviously because we all have the same interaction style, like same as me. He’s a starter type. He’s all about starting things.
That’s what he does, he starts things and then he can’t really finish them. Because all ESF J’s have that problem as much as en TPS, es FPS and ENFPs also have that problem. And that’s not really a bad thing. It’s just that why they start new things constantly is because of extroverted feeling hero cognitive looping with expert intuition child, the lack of Introverted Sensing parent, which means a lack of self discipline gets in the way.
And because of that, like any hero, or any child is like, Oh, what do you want? Oh, you’re telling me what you want. Okay, I’ll stop what I’m doing and give you what you want. Or like, oh, you really liked that. Okay, I’ll stop what I’m doing and get you what you like.
And they can be very servile that way that the serving others consistently. So especially servile ESF J’s, have a really, really hard time finishing projects, they start, well guess what gluttonous ones also have that problem too. Because it’s like, oh, this new thing to explore this new thing to taste, let me stop what I’m doing and go do that. Instead, let me stop what I’m doing and go do that.
Let me stop what I’m doing go do that. And it’s just this relentless thing over and over and over, that they end up struggling with. What’s even worse is that you can’t even really give them much advice on how to like fix that issue. Because extra thinking demon is just going to automatically assume that you’re stupid.
And then because of that, they don’t even listen to you. For more on learning how to deal with Extraverted Thinking demon, you might want to consider getting a journeyman membership with us at CS joseph.ly forward slash members, because in the premium lectures, I have an entire lecture series on demon functions and how to deal with them and how to turn them from demon to angels and how to make the best use of those particular functions. And that sort of thinking demon function is that particular lecture is very good, and goes into that at very, very much depth and length. So I recommend checking that out.
That being said, it really comes down to an issue of cognitive looping, and this is something that Dave Powers calls a jumping, you know, being a jumper basically, and a jumper is like someone who has an underdeveloped parent function. Introverted Sensing parent is supposed to be developed. The problem is, is that a lot of ESF J’s in their youth don’t really have the opportunity to develop their function. So they’re actually particularly weak to not being able to finish things as starter types.
One of the reasons why this is is because ESFJ’s. They’re very high demands, especially as women because, you know, for relationships for being mothers, for having children, etc. Because ESFJ’s are hyper feminine. They’re They serve so much.
And they really really bring a lot of joy to the SP men in their in their lives. ESFJ men are also an extremely high demand for military for police, but especially firefighters, they thrive as firefighters. And that’s and that’s just one of the ways that they contribute, you know, to society, constantly being supportive, constantly helping, they also make really good contractors as well. In certain particular situations, really good factory workers, they just are a walking support structure.
And that’s why ultimately ESFJs are ended up in high demand. And because that extremely high demand from society and also people in their life, they have a hard time finishing projects because they’re getting pulled in every direction. Because everyone’s like, Oh, you’re super valuable, because you’re super supportive, and you’re super helpful. So let me interrupt your life for a second to tell you what I want.
And then because it’s your expert intuition, child, you’re gonna stop what you’re doing, and then give it to me yay. Well, I’m going to tell you what I like, yeah. Or what happens when I tell you both of what i want it i like simultaneously now you’re really gonna stop what you’re doing and get it for me, right? And they end up doing this consistently over time. And it’s not until like they get much older and out of their youth that they realize like yeah, this is probably not a good idea for me to be such a people pleaser because ESF J’s end up after a while getting worried about whether Introverted Feeling nemesis, they get worried about being taken advantage of, they get worried about, you know, giving way more to others and they receive and that’s when they start doing covert contract manipulation, where it’s like, hey, they’ve done someone a bunch of favors, but then they demand or expect favors from other people, or they will just straight up take from other people that they have given favors feeling entitled to take from that person, when the ESF J needs to or when they are inclined to take.
And that can also be a huge problem. So definitely not an area of behavior that I would recommend for them. But like I said, it’s expert feeling hero looping with expert intuition child, and it’s like, Hey, I’m here to give you what you like. I’m here to give you what you want, what you want, what you like, what you want, what you like, what you want, what you like, what you want, what you like, over and over, and over, and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over.
And they become the ultimate people pleasers to the point where they are so giving that they end up destroying themselves in the process, and become insanely bitter to everyone that they’ve ever given anything to. Because all of a sudden they’re like, hey, I really wish someone would be just as supportive to me as I am supportive to them. And sadly, that’s not actually real life ever. Once Bueller, like now is it’s just not gonna work.
So they need to watch out for that. So how do they deal with that? Well, it comes by learning how to say no, and ESF J’s really, really have a hard time saying no, very hard time saying no, because they’re already worried about not being worthy of authority worried about not being good enough. And then at the same time, they’re trying their hardest to be really supportive and give people what they like and give people what they want. And that can be a huge issue.
They have a hard time saying no, at least in their youth until they develop the self discipline, because they realize that even though they contract covert contract other people, people are gonna have very negative reactions to covert contract manipulation and realize that covert contracts don’t really work that well, you’re gonna get a lot of blowback, a lot of negative consequences that their ni trickster didn’t see coming for themselves. So as a result of that, they’re just like, oh, man, I need to stop. And then all of a sudden, Introverted Sensing parent starts to develop and to get in the way of expert intuition, child and extroverted feeling hero from looping and preventing being this people pleasing mess, this hot mess of people pleasing, which is important. The problem is, though, is that because they’re in such high demand, oftentimes, ESF j’s are one of the 16 types that has the lowest opportunity to actually develop the parent function.
Unless of course, they’re like the first born in a family if they’re first born, they’ll learn pretty quick because their parents will usually have them take care of their their other children. And that can be in foist upon esfjs a ton of responsibilities at an early age, because of how responsible ESF j’s are. And that could be a big deal that could be a huge problem for them. And that because that they don’t have the opportunity to develop their parent function.
And the thing is, too is like even their even their parents would try to help develop the parent function, but by then when they’re an adolescent, the ESF J’s protect their ego and that’s not going to happen. So the only way to develop their parent functionally is from an external sources, those people actually target their extroverted sensing critic and hold them to a higher standard of performance basically, and really challenge the ESFJ anytime they perform low or when they when they make errors basically, thing is ESF J’s don’t really like getting criticized for their failure with their expert sensing critic. Because from their perspective, it’s like hey, I’m so helpful. I do so many favors.
Why don’t you just give me the special treatment? Why don’t You may be part of the oligarchy, why don’t you make me part of the old boys club that doesn’t get criticized for anything because I’m so helpful and so supportive. So hey, you don’t criticize me on my performance in exchange for me being helpful supportive, right? Well, the problem is, is most people will do that to ESFJ egos and kind of fluff them up a bit. And that actually inhibits ESFJ’s growth. They’re never really going to develop their own Introverted Sensing parents sense of responsibility to later in life, which really sucks to be them.
Unlikely what ends up sparking off their quarter life crisis in the process, something that I don’t envy for ESFJ’s, nor would I ever, like recommend that for ESF jays, like ever, that like sucks to be them. And then they’re ultimately being set up for failure in that way. So ESFJ is really have to realize is that they have to go all out to develop their own parent function, they have to be self disciplined, very, very much. It’s all about self discipline.
Why so that they can develop the healthy habit of saying no, because at the end, that’s literally the answer this question, How can an ESFJ get better at finishing products or projects? It’s the ability to say no, it’s the ability to say no, I can’t help you right now. Because then the ESFJ is aware of priorities that are higher priority than particularly helping that person etc. Like it’s a really, really big deal that an ESFJ learns how to say no, so important, I cannot stress how important it is for an ESFJ to learn how to say no, I cannot stress that enough. I cannot like it’s it’s a huge requirement, because they are not able to say no, they’ll have everything taken away from it’s even like an old Bible verse, I think for the book of Proverbs that actually describes this pretty well.
So I think that my Fe Fe hero father also got bitten in the butt with once it it’s called Do not put up surety for another surety means insurance, it means don’t cosign on the loan, right? My dad cosign on a loan one time, and it completely financially destroyed our family, like with upwards of 350 grand, also destroyed every opportunity, my parents would have to pay for my college education, etc. Even though I shouldn’t have even gone to college whatsoever, or university or any of that I shouldn’t have and I shouldn’t even have that unrealistic expectation on my folks anyway. And I apologize for that. And I take full responsibility for that.
But I didn’t know any better because I was just a dumb kid who was a victim of societal programming. Newsflash, don’t go to university don’t go to college. And honestly, typically, and I say this, I say this with grace. And I’m not saying this applies to 100% of people, but most people that go to college or university are either losers, or they’re women.
So like, just just keep that in mind. I mean, statistically more women go to college universities anyways. So keep keep that in mind. Like, you don’t really need to go to college university, maybe you should just learn entrepreneurship, go to CS joseph.ly forward slash reading, scroll down to the entrepreneurship 16 read all those books, except for maybe traction, you don’t really need to read that book.
But read the other 15 books, especially launched by Jeff Walker, which is insanely important, very important thing. And speaking of launch, we are having a product launch later this month is called ego hacking by text, who want to have the opportunity to learn how to type people just by text messages or reading emails, Discord, Messages, SMS text messages, messages inside of World of Warcraft, I don’t know, or Call of Duty, I don’t know. And then also learn how to ego hack them by sending messages back well, then this is the course for you it is releasing at the end of this month around Black Friday, Cyber Monday. At that time, we’re hoping to be able to have pre orders for it within the next couple of days, if not even tomorrow.
So look for that announcement in the very, very near future, you’re gonna want to get in on the preorder. Because the preorder price the early bird price will be the lowest price the product will ever be in its entire history. So if you want to get in on it, you want to get on it now while you still can at that amazing price and it’s a it’s a pretty great course I’m pretty happy with what we’ve been able to come up with it so far. So check that out and get involved with that.
Also, we have an ego hacking by text contest going on right now on our Discord you can get on our Discord at D discord.gg. Forward slash ego hackers or you can just click the link tree link in the description and then click JOIN OUR DISCORD community from there to get on our Discord server and go to the EBT competition rules channel to learn how to do it and then participate in the in the submissions channel basically and enter in your submissions there to win some awesome prizes. So go check that out as well. Anyway, so the bottom line is is that Introverted Sensing parent needs to develop and it can be developed by people externally by you know, impacting and holding an ESFJ to a higher level of performance accountability to increase their performance.
So their expert sensing critic which will naturally develop their Introverted Sensing parent, or the ESFJ can practice having self discipline basically and having the self discipline to ultimately say no and refuse people help. And by refusing people help that provides additional space for the ESF J to actually finish the work commitments they actually have. It’s all about filtering out commitment, right? Because ESF j can be easily committed to things because they’re like so helpful and so supportive, etc. Because they don’t have their Introverted Sensing parent developed.
But Introverted Sensing parent being developed gives them the opportunity to just tell people No, I already have other commitments, and that is how ESFJ’s get better at finishing projects. So anyway, folks, thanks for watching and listening to this episode and I will see you guys on the next one later.
