Bad Gift Givers?! | CS Joseph Responds
Bad Gift Givers?! | CS Joseph Responds to the Acolyte question why are ESTPs so bad at giving gifts?
Transcript:
Are you? Welcome to the CS Joseph podcast. I’m your host CS Joseph. Tonight’s question. Why are ESTPs so bad at giving gifts? Wow.
What a question actually kind of pseudo answer this question in a previous video or or in an upcoming video who knows when they release because they’re always released out of order, but it doesn’t matter. But I actually want to spend some time going deep on this particular question. And just so you guys know, if you want your questions turned into a video responses or podcast responses, I can do that just become an acolyte member CS Joseph dot life for slash members, sign up for journeyman and then upgrade your account to Acolyte. Org, go to CS joseph.ly, forward slash portal, and then click on Acolyte.
If you’re already a journeyman member and upgrade your account from there, and once a month, you get to ask me a question. And yeah, it becomes a video and a podcast episodes so that we all can learn with the audience and myself. And then I believe in the future, around around November, Chris Taylor will also be joining me in answering questions as well, which, which is utterly fantastic to me. So if you folks want to have a, an ENFP perspective, when it comes to answering these questions, we’re going to be making that available as well.
And I’m very, very excited for that. Chris has been a phenomenal addition to the team. And he’s also helped package the science in ways thematically speaking, especially, to help the audience further understand the science and be able to practically apply it in their life. So it’s great.
And one such practical application is in this particular episode relating to ESTPs. And given, you know, given given Railgun, for example, she’s being she’s an ESTP. And I and then also my cousin Nick, who’s an ESTP, my cousin Nicole, who is also an ESTP. I mean, I’ve always had ESTPs in my family my whole life and had the opportunity to get to know, plenty other ones.
Even some of the ones that hate my guts, like for example, Taylor Briggs. So Taylor Briggs, you know, he likely has this problem as well, he probably sucks, like giving gifts, like, basically every STP ends up starting out as in their life. And oftentimes, you know, I will admit, I’ve become a little biased over over the years, because it’s just like, Yeah, I don’t really want to ask an ESTP for a gift. Really, I just don’t want to and, and the thing is, too is like, it’s also gets like really frustrating because they’re so bad at giving gifts.
That, you know, and it’s funny because they’re extroverted sensing hero, right? And extroverted sensing here was supposed to be the thing that gives people the best possible experience because they’re very heroic about it, even though oftentimes it’s actually extroverted sensing parent, or extroverted sensing inferior, who ends up giving the best experiences because they’re pessimistic, but expert sensing hero is very prideful, so they end up going way too far. They’re very overwhelming with what they give other people or they’re very underwhelming with what they give people. And don’t ever expect to ask an ESTP for money. Oh, no, that actually pisses off their ISTJ unconscious, their shadow a lot.
Oftentimes ESTP is are some of the biggest tightwads of all the types just like well, actually ISTJ is the biggest tightwad tightwad of all the types, but they’re drawing upon that tightwad energy from their ISTJ shadow basically, and they can behave just as bad. It’s funny, because I knew and ESF J, who was a co worker of Railgun when I first met Railgun and she found out that I was dating Railgun at the time, and she actually came up to me and was like, hey, Chase, just so you know, just so you know. Like, you got to watch out for Railgun because she’s a major tightwad, you know, she, she, she’s cheap. She is extremely cheap.
And yeah, ESTPs in general are really cheap, especially if they are subconscious developed. They are very, very cheap. So with their Okta, grams the conscious development versus unconscious development, they are especially cheap. When they are subconscious developed.
They just run really, really are. And, and it’s just it’s just so funny to me because you know, unconscious developed ESTP is they’re a lot wiser when it comes to money. They’re they’re more aware of what they can let go what they can’t let go. But subconscious developed ESTPs, they end up having this problem with their INFJ subconscious basically, that from their subconscious point of view, psychologically speaking, they end up there, so their ni inferior is so much stronger, basically.
And there’s they’re just aware of how much their own personal freedom could be taken away, because to them, money is the most concrete form of freedom. And choice is literally in the palm of their hand. And if they let it go, then they’re actually taking away their own choice. And that’s why it is extremely offensive to almost every ESTP out there, especially subconscious developed ESTPs, to ask them for money.
Like let’s say you’re a family member of an ESTP. And it’s like, you always give me like the crappiest gifts all the time. If you’re just going to do that. Just give me a gift card or just give me money.
That is extremely offensive to them. And it will probably lead to rage. They may even reject you. They may they may even never talk to you again.
Which it’s so funny. But then they also don’t really understand you know, the law of reciprocity, which is biblical, by the way, because from the in the Bible, and I believe it’s in the book of Luke, it says given it shall be given unto you I think it’s Luke chapter 14 or chapter 12, or chapter 17. It’s it’s in one of the teen chapters, basically. And I find it so hilarious how they just don’t get the law of reciprocity.
And it happens because expert intuition demon, they’re not aware of potential consequences. They’re not aware that when it comes to giving to other people, and these are people that every child okay, you think that es teepees are amazing at giving? Because they are really compassionate because X rated feeling child? No, no, they’re not. If you want that go to an NTP because any NTP, is because the NTP at least has the living virtue of being of compassion, right? So yeah, you’re definitely going to have a much better experience, you know, receiving something from an ESTP than you ever will an ESTP, that’s for sure. But what you end up, like having a problem, you end up having a problem where like, they end up having a problem where they end up alienating people in their lives, because they give such crappy gifts because they can be cheap, or they give such crappy gifts to other people, because, and then those people don’t like it anymore, then when people start not wanting to ask, and then eventually, all of a sudden, like the ESTP finds themselves in a situation where they’re like less desirable, but people and this causes them to be alienated from other people, like on a regular basis, very, very alienated from other people.
And then all of a sudden, they find themselves being discluded. And then they get wrathful, and upset at other people for disclosing them, when it was just the ESTP being cheap and giving bad gifts to begin with. So why is this happening? Why are ESTP is giving bad gifts to other people? Why does that happen? Well, it really comes down to two things their ni inferior, mixed in with their expert intuition demon. So remember what we talked about, you know, presents versus gifts, what is a present a present is something you choose, you want to give somebody else, right? It’s like when you know someone is struggling their life and you know, if they read a certain book, they’ll be able to solve their problem in their life basically.
That’s basically like an example of oppressive, right, then you’re hoping that the read the book, hopefully you don’t get offended to you, because most people get really offended when you give them a book, because it’s like you’re giving them unsolicited advice, and then they get really pissed at you for doing that right now. No, because I’m an intp. I am the master of giving people unsolicited advice, you know, probably even worse than an ESTP ever would be. Because at least an ESTP is aware of when they’re making people uncomfortable.
Whereas I’m not you see what I’m saying? So based on that, it ends up becoming a problem for them, like it like a huge a huge problem for them over time. You know, they they’re just they’re just so unaware of it. And you know, it’s all about their choice. It’s all about what I want to give because it’s their ni inferior, they care about the freedom of choice so much they will always put their freedom of choice above every other person in their life.
And it’s so funny because like, when you look at ESTP fathers and mothers There’s, you know, you can always call them out because it’s like, Hey, you’re putting our child above me. But you don’t put your child above you, you know, when it comes to their freedom of choice, and that’s how he could always get him. It’s hilarious how that happens. My body’s strong.
So based on that, what, sorry, I’m talking to the camera, camera. So based on that, like, it ends up becoming like, a huge struggle for them. And this is a way that they can alienate other people in their life, if they’re not careful. And I feel bad for them, I feel bad for ESTP is having to deal with this.
But they can’t let go of it, they really really can’t go of it. And it could take their entire life to actually figure out how to give a gift. A gift is defined by giving somebody something that they want, giving somebody else some thing that that person wants. But ESTP is don’t care what other people want, they only care what they want.
This is why ESTP is can be extremely transactional people. Because oftentimes, if you give something to an ESTP, they have to immediately give something back because they always assume that what you’re giving them potentially has strings attached to it, or you’re going to ask them for a favor later, and they’re afraid with their ni inferior that later, you’re going to ask them a favor. So they have to immediately give you something back. And it doesn’t matter if it’s cheap or whatever, but from there, but from their perspective, it’s all about getting even ESTP is out of all the 16 types they have to get even getting even is the most important thing to them.
It doesn’t matter if it destroys their relationships, it doesn’t matter. If it destroys their life, they will get even, that’s just how they are. And and it’s funny because they’ll get even, and when they get even in there, they’re often being indignant about it, because the thing is that they imagined that they’ve been slighted even though they actually haven’t been slighted. And that’s really sad to me.
Really sad to me. So, indignance, indignance is when you know, you react negatively, or you lash out at someone, when you perceive that they’re treating you poorly, even though they may not actually be treating you poorly, but you’re perceiving it, but it doesn’t mean it’s true. And then you can be lashing out for nothing. And then you further alienated themselves for yourself from them.
And this is, this is like the bane of the ESTP existence. They’re part of the soul template was all about expert intuition. And they’re trying to get other people to want them, right. They want like their expert intuition, demon.
Like they’ll never consciously admit that they want to be wanted. But after a while, they get so sick of not being wanted and not being desirable because their demon is eating them alive inside because their expert intuition demon is trying to tell them the ultimate lesson in life, which is, hey, why don’t you actually work on being desirable because then you won’t have so many fairweather friends, because the ESTP will blame most people in our life for having fairweather friends, when the reality of the situation is, they’re really good at creating fairweather friends. Because of these bad habits, right? They’re very good at creating fairweather friends, they’re very good at creating friends who aren’t actually loyal to them who are not actually true friends to them. This includes sexual relationships.
This is why ESTPs have insanely high body counts, not unlike inf J’s. And it doesn’t matter if it’s a man or a woman they have extremely high body counts, you can almost assume it by default with an ESTP. And when that happens, now they they can end up having like disconnected meaningless sex with people. And because it’s all fair, whether it’s just fair, whether it’s sex, they still want they so desperately wants to be connected to other people, but they never get it because they themselves are fair whether you say because they act fair weather and they’re projecting their own fair weather Enos onto other people ESTPs are the most fair weathered of the types.
It’s so ridiculous how hypocritical as a Templar because Templar types struggle with hypocrisy the most, how their hypocrisy ends up destroying relationships with other people. It’s so, so stressful, and so ridiculous to me, and how they make that and and they also forget, they forget how they make these constant social faux pas, they forget how they’re making all these social errors, because they’re lacking social skills in this area, and one and they keep forgetting their errors, so they never actually changed. And they end up having the same problem over and over and over. It’s the most frustrating thing in the world.
Like, what the hell, you know? I’m just like, Wow, guys, maybe you should actually put in some effort and trying to be desirable for once. Instead of just creating fairweather friends and then blame You people for being fairweather friends even though you’re creating fairweather friends because you yourself are fair, weathered, great. Congratulations, you played yourself, Oh my God. That’s why I always tell ESTPs they need to read How to Win Friends and Influence People.
It’s not hard, they need to read that book seriously, they need to understand the law of reciprocity and just trust that it works. Trust the system, the law of reciprocity. And that’s how they learn how to give good gifts, because they actually use their Extraverted Feeling child to find out what other people like and actually ask other people, hey, what do you want for Christmas? Or hey, what do you want for your birthday? And actually go get it for them. Instead of electing themselves the chooser in their fairweather newness.
And being like, well, I want to give you this, I get that you want that. But I want to give you this, and it’s especially worse with ESTP women, way worse, way worse, because ESTP women again, just like all women, they look at life as this big pie. And everyone gets an all the girls get their slice of pie out of life. And then they look at each other.
And they’re like, Well, why don’t you get that slice? And then the ESTP is like, Well, why do you get that gift, and they’ll rationalize the themselves out of giving a gift to other people. And it always turns into a present because and they just can’t get out of this endless downward spiral of being a fair, weathered friend. It’s so frustrating, and gross, you know, and, and it’s all about my freedom. And this is how they’re ENFP super ego is causing their ESTP ego to be entitled, this is literally entitlement.
They’re being entitled, they’re being a fair weather friend. And ultimately, it is a form of being fake. Because what they’re trying to get credit for is oh, it’s the thought that counts when it comes to how they give presents their cheap presents that they give other people which is ridiculous when they should learn how to give gifts, you know what people actually want. Because that could actually potentially build them better relationships, instead of causing the look like they’re materialistic.
But they’re not materialistic. They’re actually very practical people, but they end up coming off materialistic to other people. And then the st. Jays are like the NFPs of their life will just judge them for being materialistic and not have anything to do with them and not be willing to stick around for them, or actually drop what they’re doing for ESTP is when the ESTP actually has a time of need.
That’s the problem. That’s a huge problem. And it just happens over and over and over. And they keep making the same mistake over and over.
And they never remember that they made mistakes before even if someone got in their face, even if someone rejected them. They keep forgetting that they screwed up before and they keep repeating the same mistake over and over and over. Super, super frustrating. Oh my god.
So to avoid that they have to lean into their expert intuition demon, turn it angelic and learn the lesson of their demon and the lesson of the demon is hey, I have to understand that it is still my responsibility to be desirable to others. Problem is ESTP is have a hard time doing that. Because ESTP is oftentimes reject themselves and have to come to like some form of understanding of self acceptance. Before that can actually like be a thing.
They have to be all about self acceptance, right? But they can’t they often rely on other people to have acceptance. The problem is, this creates a negative feedback loop. For example, in the context of just giving gifts or presence to other people, they alienate other people because they give such low quality gifts other people because they’re technically presents, because people love getting gifts, but people rarely, rarely, like getting presents, right? And ESTPs are basically present only people they need to learn how to give gifts. And since they’re so used to giving, and they keep making the mistake over and over of giving presents to people, which causes those people to not accept them.
And because the ESTP already doesn’t accept themselves, and they see that other people aren’t accepting them. They’ll blame those other people for lack of acceptance and call those people selfish and actually question the character of others, even though it was their poor character themselves that caused the issue. Oh my god, that’s so annoying. Oh, the hypocrisy.
Oh, it stresses me out. It stresses me out so so much, and every single ESTP that I have met in my entire life. They all do this. They all do this and they don’t understand that this is actually an aspect of poor character and poor identity.
on their own part, and here’s the thing, they keep sabotaging themselves. They keep sabotaging their own relationships. They keep sabotaging other people potentially accepting them. And then when they see other people don’t accept them, they still don’t accept themselves.
And they still keep repeating the same mistakes and they keep still sabotaging everyone in their life and they ultimately are alone for their life. Great. That’s a huge problem. That’s a major problem for them.
I would not want to. I am so glad I’m not an ESTP. Oh my god. Yeah, sure.
ESTP men, they’re the most masculine all types. Yeah, sure. They get they get the most pussy of all of the 16 types of men. But guess what? It’s empty pussy.
It’s disconnected pussy. It’s not It’s like those those sexual relationships are meaningless. Their fair weathered, you know, it’s like, yeah, hey, I got our super high NASCO. I mean, like, I mean, shoot my cousin, Nick, like he had a black book, he had hundreds upon hundreds of women, that, that he had sexual relationships with huge body count.
None of them meant anything. And all he craves in the world more than anything, just like every ESTP is connectedness and intimacy with somebody, but they keep sabotaging themselves. And one of the ways they do it, is when they end up giving presents instead of gifts. If only they would listen, listen to their demon, if only they would learn the lesson of their demon to actually give people what they want, instead of just focusing all their energy on giving themselves what they want.
Only then, and maybe then they could actually be people of high character. We’ll see though. It’s up to them. Hopefully they change.
Hopefully, they listened to see us Joseph, and finally figure it out. That way, you know, for once they could, like you know, actually be happy. It’s even crazier folks. When you think about death and ESTPs The only thing you could take with you when you die is your relationships with other people.
And yet ESTPs out of the 16 types, it is the hardest for them to have deep, meaningful relationships with other people. That’s a very scary concept, if you think about it. Anyway, folks, thanks for watching and listening. And I’ll see you guys tonight on the discord
