Hold on, SFP SACRIFICE Checks?!?! | CS Joseph Responds

Hold on, SFP SACRIFICE Checks?!?! | CS Joseph Responds

 

Hold on, SFP sacrifice checks? How exactly do those work? CS Joseph responds.

Transcript:

Hey what’s up yo hackers, welcome to the CS Joseph podcast. Today’s episode be a little controversial. Because I had an interesting question from one of the acolyte members. And I am compelled to answer this one.

And it’s definitely a complex question more complex than usual. So, and I like questions with complexity, more so than the, hey, CSJ I’m gonna pay you money, so you can list out what careers I should do. And it’s just like, really, you can’t ask a better question than that. I really hate those questions.

They have like no substance. No. Not very much anything of value. But yeah, whatever.

I mean, who knows? But this particular question, it’s about SFPs, more specifically ESFPs and ISFPs. And some of the things that they do in their life with friends, family, people they’re intimate with. And ultimately, it’s one of their habits and helping them determine or measure out whether or not a particular person is of any value to them. And which is fascinating if you think about it very fascinate.

So, but yeah, you know, light up, yield laranja here that I enjoy, mostly, I love me some laranja especially than orange ones, because it tastes like creamsicles Amazing. Amazing cigar, if I do say so myself, it’s incredible. So yeah. So by now, if you’re, you know, a member of the ego hacker community, you’re pretty familiar with ESTPs.

And, you know, a lot of extroverted sensors, but especially ESTPs, and ISTPs, or Templar types, doing something called loyalty checks for people. And loyalty checks. Loyalty checks are basically like, Hey, I’m going to push you away from me to see if you’re gonna go or if you’re going to come back, I need to know if you’re too pussy to stick around, especially when I fail. Because if you’re not able to be able to stick around when I push you away, there’s no way you’re going to be there when I actually need you to be there for me.

And that’s that’s their logic. That’s their general thinking as to what they do. When they push people away in that matter, and it’s it’s entirely annoying. It’s it’s disgusting.

Honestly, I hate trust checks. But the thing is, is that everyone is guilty of checks of some kind, you know, and their life mine included. I mean, I’m an intp. What do we and teepees do? We do Crusader types do? Crusader types have this thing where we do trust checks.

And trust checks is entirely annoying, because we’ll we’ll create scenarios basically to like force our partner or our friends, or even our family to prove to us that they trust us basically. And it’s kind of like we’ll take our own behavior to the edge and see if, if we’re still trusted, even though we’ve like gone to the edge, etcetera, with our behavior. And that’s trust checking. That’s kind of how we determine you know, whether or not to keep people in our lives.

And it’s especially common amongst envy times iossef, j’s and en TPS were all about for trust checks. And the Wayfarers, the Wayfarers have a way of doing things. And as much as the philosophers have a way of doing things. I bet you figured out already with the philosopher one, I’ve slightly hinted at it in other videos, and it probably deserves an entire video and of its own right.

I mean, it does. But basically, it has to do with making people jump through hoops, right? We’ll have to. We’ll have to talk about that later in a different episode. But this episode is mostly about wafers, but most most specifically, ESFPs and ISFPs.

That’s not to say that en ti J’s don’t do this. It’s not to say the INTJ is don’t do this, but it’s the most prevalent with the concrete types. The concrete. The concrete of the Wayfarers, which are the SFPs you And this is this is their their version of checks that they do and other people.

Now it’s kind of easy to detect because they are, you know, their golden parents are the SF J’s ESF J iossef J, and what are the SF Jey types out of the 16, you know, most known for, it’s their capacity to serve others, it’s their capacity to self deprecate and make decisions based on guilt, being motivated by guilt, giving choices to other people being very loyal, sticking around, etc. And they oftentimes will sell themselves short for the sake of other people in their life. This, this can ultimately lead to, you know, the the manipulative response to that known as covert contracting. It’s like, Hey, I do all this goodwill, and I do all these great things for you, and I serve you.

So when I actually need you to serve me, you better serve me, because if you don’t, I’m going to punish you for it. Even though I never actually told you that I was going to expect that from you at some point in time. And based on that, based on that, you know, it’s a form of entitlement, ultimately covert contracting. I mean, if you’re gonna do someone a favor and expect something in return, you’re being really transactional.

This is a constant discussion that I have with Railgun on a regular basis, actually. Because I’m trying to, you know, I’m trying to teach I’m trying to teach her that, you know, given it shall be given to sometimes you do people favors for the sake of just doing them a favor, not because you expect something in return. And oftentimes, what I’ve noticed is that SP types, especially STPs, because they’re extroverted feeling STPs often do people favors and they expect immediate return on that investment, they expect an immediate favor. Well, the SF jays, they do favors for people, but then they expect a long term favor later.

And they oftentimes don’t even tell people have that long term favor. This is known as the form of manipulation known as covert contracting, which we have discussed heavily. And the virtue advice lectures within season seven, part one, which is available playlist here on the YouTube channel, I actually go into this at length in the ESFJ episode, which I believe is season seven, Episode Five. So within season seven, Episode Five, you kind of can learn about core contracts.

But SFPs, you know, you know, or excuse me in the, you know, in those SFJ’s, you know, they do trust checks, they do trust checks with their lovers, they do trust checks with their with their partners, that’s kind of like their approach to it. But how do SFPs approach it? What do SFPs and potentially NTJ’s? What do SFPs do to see whether or not someone is valuable enough to be in their life? Right? And this is, in my opinion, my opinion, this is the worst form, I would rather have STP loyalty checks, I would rather have Crusader or you know, temporary loyalty checks, Crusader based trust checks over this because what I’ve noticed that SFPs do, they do something called and to me, to me, it’s entirely vile, by the way, it’s entirely vile. But, you know, I’m biased. I’m, I’m a very biased person, when it comes to this point of view.

So excuse me, you know, but what SFPs do ESFPs ISFP? Is what they do, they do something called sacrificial checks. What are sacrificial checks. So from a psychological perspective, they literally make the people closest to them, sacrifice things for them. And the more those people sacrifice for them, then that means they’re worth keeping around in their life.

You see what I’m saying? Like, How ridiculous is that? Is that insane? But that’s what these people do. That’s what they do. Sacrifice checks, to the point where they end up making it seem to the SF Jays in their life, they make you end up seeing me like, oh, yeah, it’s your responsibility, you know, that, like, your value is based on whether or not you’re willing to make sacrifices for me, great. Great.

You know, it’s like, okay, am I am I supposed to worship at your feet? You know, am I supposed to make sacrifices for you, and that could be sacrifices in time, money, resources, favors, doesn’t matter. It could be adjusting my entire schedule to be around them, dropping everything that I’m doing in a moment and sacrifice an entire, like half a day just for them. Right? Because, you know, they need to know that CS Joseph is very, you know, dependable, you know, if I’m going to be in a sexual relationship with him, I need to know that he’s willing to you know, drop everything for me on you Not at the drop of a hat in case I need him because I’m always there for him. I mean, at least they’re FYI functions.

delusionally like to believe that they’re always there for you. When the reality situation is they’re not. They’re actually the least there for you out of all of the types. SFPs I’ve come to realize are the most unreliable of all the types.

They’re the ones who like to pretend and be delusional about being there. For others. They like to claim that the most loyal but they’re actually they’re not, they’re really not. And while I understand the INFP penchant for treachery, because that’s their vice also talked about in season seven, part one, that would be episode 16 of season seven, or might be episode 17.

I don’t remember if there was an introduction episode in that, but I don’t think so. But within the INFP episode, I talked about how, you know, they’re the most loyal of the 16 types, but they can also be the most treacherous at the same time, because they like to go back and forth between extremes, right? That’s because they’re so desperate for authority and power within their life. And they feel like they have feelings of powerlessness, that’s when they get treacherous until they find the person or thing that can help them, you know, gain more personal power. So, I mean, I mean, that’s fair.

But for me to like, have to, you know, if I find to, quote urn, which is a lie, the affections of an SFP, for example, an SFP woman, basically, her doing sacrifice checks on me to like, you know, to see like, hey, you know, if you’re willing to, you know, sacrifice for me, then then you’re a cool dude, you’re so worth keeping me around. And to which I just balk at that. And I’m just like, you are entirely ridiculous. You have to understand that I like it is it is a privilege for myself to be in your life, not the other way around.

I am not privileged, because you are in my life, you are privileged, because you are in my life. And the idea that I have to like, go through some bullshit sacrifice checks in order for you to even like me, is ridiculous. And it’s funny, because SFPs in my life will be the ones to complain that, you know, oh, you’re not there for me, you’re not willing to bend over backwards for me, you know, like, I invest in you, and I’m not getting much return on my investment. This is bullshit, you know, and I’m just like, excuse me, I’ve given way more to you than you’ve given to me, it’s not my fault that you constantly forget about all of my contributions to you, and only remember your contributions to me, to the point where and even then sometimes you don’t, but, you know.

So from an SFP point of view, they end up being entitled entitled to my sacrifice for them. And the thing is, is like oftentimes, especially when these women are like in transition phase, or security phase, or post development phase, when they’re, you know, statistically more attracted to beta males in their life. These are the women. If there was like some alpha oriented guy, they’ll cheat on the alpha for the beta.

And they want to be with the beta. Why? Because that beta is willing to sacrifice for them. And they’d like to claim that this is what chivalry is all about, though. That’s not what chivalry even is.

You know, and eventually, like these women, they enjoy this man, you know, sacrificing for her over and over and over, and then eventually, she’ll just come to hate him and come to disrespect him anyway. And then it will cheat on him too. Right? So it does so you’re damned if you do damned if you don’t, at least, you know, from a masculine feminine point of view if these female SFPs are expecting you to sacrifice for them. Here’s the thing though, like, what happens when you reverse the genders SFP males entirely expect sacrifices to be made for them.

For example. I actually have an example. The the worst example I’ve ever seen of it happen. And it actually happened to Railgun personally.

So this is a story from railguns life. So her mother’s an ISFJ. And she worked for a certain business and then one day this is after her divorce. One day, some dude randomly showed up, he was working for heating and cooling, you know, trying to get some permits whatnot from her office, and just got talking to her asked her out, they started dating and whatnot.

Then eventually they got married. You know, this is my ESFP. This the ESFP, stepfather of Railgun Railgun stepped out and male guns and ESTP and things got pretty tense between her and him. And she was like a teenager at this time when this went down.

But it got to a point where this ESFP ended up laying down an ultimatum, basically telling his ISFJ wife which is railguns mother basically telling her Or, hey, you know, you’re gonna have to pick between your daughter or you’re going to have to pick between me, me or your daughter, telling her that he expects her to sacrifice her daughter for the sake of their marriage. Now, hold on. I know that makes him sound like a total douchebag. So let’s, let’s examine this a little bit more what’s actually happening there.

It should be no secret, especially to members of this audience, it should be absolutely no secret that when it comes down to it, women will always put their children above you, they will always put their children above their men. They will always do that. Always. So and in fact, they’re supposed to.

Women are supposed to put their children above their men. It’s one of the reasons why I argue that a polygynous relationship is potentially superior because when a woman has a child, a man should have another woman to take care of him while that woman is taking care of the child. It’s only natural. But for some reason, in the United States of America, we are expected to just settle for just one woman.

And that woman is expected to also raise that child potentially by herself. Without any support, no support from her fellow sisters, you know, no support from the mature feminine, maybe a little bit of support from her mother if her mother’s alive or even nearby, or you know, like, or from her in laws. But how often does that even work? Most of the time? Wives, mother in law’s end up hate they end up hating each other anyway, statistically, so what’s the point? So, from that point of view, that’s not exactly it’s sustainable. And this is one of the reasons why the nuclear family ends up destroying children ends up destroying women, they oftentimes, because a woman is not supposed to raise her child by herself, she’s supposed to have a support structure, a support structure, potentially, her mother and her grandmother were still alive, and potentially sister wives to a point where they can all wet nurse each other’s children help each other out, you know, they’re different skills, because they’re all different types, etc.

To improve the situation. This is one of the reasons why if you look at female relationships with other females versus male relationships with other males, male relationships, because male relationships are all about the bro ham, that bromance, etc, you don’t break the bro code. They’re very affiliative. And because they have that affiliative nature about them.

Men end up preferring compatible relationships with men, whereas women because they’re very pragmatic, when they get together, oftentimes women prefer camaraderie based relationships. For friends, this is why you’d see a bunch of INTJ women having ESFP friends, or INFJ, women having a bunch of ESTP friends, super high camaraderie types, usually, is what ends up happening. I mean, for example, rail gun is friends with her conflict type, an ENFJ. And it’s so fascinating to watch.

But then when I look at, when I look at my friends, I have more compatible relationships amongst my friends than I do actually have camaraderie based relationships. So if you’re going to look at a Pareto distribution, a Pareto Principle 8020. For men, it’s 80% compatible relationships with 20% camaraderie amongst their fellow male friends. And for women, it’s 80% camaraderie with 20% compatibility amongst their female friends, right.

And this, and this can end up like, you know, changing the dynamics further. Especially when you’re considering that, you know, people expect sacrifices to be made SFPs expecting sacrifices to be made. And that’s exactly what happened to Railgun that ultimatum was given to her mother and her mother who didn’t want to lose out in her second marriage ended up you know, fighting pretty hard for her daughter, but ended up actually, you know, kicking out Railgun from her home, and that was, you know, it’s a really rough, sad story. And she ended up couch surfing for a while while she was a teenager, right? Now, granted, you know, Railgun, you know, was was self admittedly was pretty rough to deal with as a teenager to be fair, so I’m not saying that these people are all bad.

There’s definitely a lot of bad to go around. And it’s not like I’m blaming or, or putting blame on anyone. Right. But the reality of situation is, is that this is how SFPs act, they expect people, especially the people, that they’re closest to them to be willing to make sacrifices for them.

And sometimes they get insecure about whether or not people closest to them are willing to do those sacrifices for them. So they test other people by making those other people make even arbitrary sacrifices, completely arbitrary sacrifices, just to test the relationship, just to see if those people are loyal. enough to be willing to take a hit for them, basically. Now, I said earlier that I find that pretty vile I do.

One of the reasons why is because as an intp, I’m very biased against that. My bias is that as an intp, my number one need is to be trusted. And if anyone is expecting me to make a sacrifice check for them, that tells me inherently that I’m not being trusted. And how dare they put their insecurity over their trust in me.

So in my life, that’s not going to fly. And if I was in a relationship with an SFP, that would be instant grounds for Yeah, I’m breaking up with you get out of my life, I don’t ever wanna have anything to do with you ever again. Like, it’s just not going to happen. I don’t care, I don’t care how fine to ask they have.

I don’t care if they have the most perfect tense in the world. They’re out of my life. They can’t do that to me. But that’s not to say that they don’t do it to other people.

I mean, just because I have boundaries, and I enforce my boundaries doesn’t mean other people, man or women will or are going to do that. It doesn’t mean it’s going to happen. Always. So and the thing is, is that doing sacrifice checks, especially when they’re being insecure.

Just like when STPs or Templars are insecure, they do they do loyalty checks. You know, trying to find out if other people can do favors for them, you know, or or, you know, stick around when they fail, et cetera. Loyalty checks, right? Or when Crusaders are insecure, they end up doing trust checks, right? Well, for the Wayfarers, especially SFPs. It’s all about sacrifice checks.

It’s like, are you willing to take a hit for me? Are you loyal enough to take a hit for me? Even if I’m completely in the wrong or even if it’s completely arbitrary? I need you to prove yourself to me, even if that means you have to cut your leg off. No, no, that’s that’s hyperbole. Obviously. That’s that’s that’s that’s an exaggeration.

But the spirit of what I’m saying is still present, right. Still pressing. And that’s the thing. That’s the thing about people, folks, you got to realize that everyone not No one is better than anyone else.

Everyone has their own bad habits and their hang ups. Trust checks, sacrifice checks, loyalty checks, everyone has some kind of check for relationships. I’m just revealing to you folks now. What the SFP one is super important.

All right, folks. Thanks for watching, and I’ll see you guys in the next episode.