How to Make Your ENFJ Father Hate You | ENTP Work Ethic | CS Joseph Responds

How to Make Your ENFJ Father Hate You | ENTP Work Ethic | CS Joseph Responds

 

CS Joseph Responds to an Acolyte question about ENTP work ethic.

Transcript:

Hey what’s up Vigo hackers? Welcome to CS just a podcast, tonight’s episode how to not be seen as a loser by your father as an intp, also known as How can an ENFP get a good work ethic? Gosh, there’s anything that my father probably did not like about me is how much of a lazy ass I was on a consistent basis like, we’re talking like crazy. Also just kind of experimenting with the new shotgun mic right now trying to be in a really noisy environment. So that’s why I’m shooting this particular video right here. So we’ll see how it goes.

Got a decent amount of ash on the Stokey trying to see how far I can get it before falls off. I think my record is posted on my Instagram. But let’s see if I can break that record with this last piece etc. So anyway, welcome to the show.

As I am enjoying myself on this side bench with the very loud vehicles going by. So hopefully the shotgun mic can hold up plus got some wind blowing. Let’s see how it goes. Let’s see how it holds up.

So first of all, I’d like to start by saying like, I love my dad. He’s a good guy. I know I’m hard on him sometimes. I think it’s pretty justified a heart I am on him.

But at the same time, like, it’s really hard on me. It’s actually pretty natural from a father son relationship, like your dad is pretty hard on you like through your childhood and as you grow up. But then like when you get older, you as the son end up being hard on your dad to make sure that he is still developing his masculinity as well. And that’s super important.

You know what I’m saying? So, one of the ways that my dad was super hard on me was because like any extroverted sensing child’s father, this is pretty typical of en J fathers. Also pretty typical of se hero fathers as well. So this is more of an extroverted sensing, optimistic approach. They do not like sons who have no work ethic.

And let me tell you folks growing up, I was absolutely worthless. I was I had no work. I remember my dad like, he bought a Volkswagen Beetle for me. And I should have been really grateful.

It’s one of the biggest regrets in my life, and he wanted to work on that car with me and restore that car with me in the shop, especially since he’s ISTP focus. But instead, I wanted to be that lazy ass and just sit inside playing video games. I was playing Pokemon in those days Pokemon Blue, specifically on the Super GameBoy on top of the Super Nintendo that I worked really hard to get on my own. My parents never really bought me a video game system, I got them all on my own, with the exception of a Gameboy that my parents did get me when I was growing up.

That was really nice to them. Thank you. Because I really enjoyed that Gameboy, big time. And, but honestly, I was lazy ass and I would have had a lot more mechanical skills had to actually, you know, not only just humored my father in that moment, but actually had some semblance of a work ethic.

That was good enough or capable enough, you know, that I could take in my adulthood. But no, I wanted to be a loser and play Pokemon Blue instead, which is entirely annoying. And again, one of the biggest regrets in my life. I had no work ethic.

And this bothered my dad big time, you know? And he, he was really cruel. He was really cruel to me. But honestly, justifiably so. I’m, this is one of the areas in which I’m actually very thankful that my dad was cruel to me, because of my lack of work ethic.

I went from being that person who had absolutely no work ethic whatsoever, and basically no self worth as a person. Let’s be honest, until I actually started developing my work ethic. But I only started developing my work ethic, work ethic, on my own and only as a result of personal and necessity, as like, as a way to survive. Basically, my dad did everything in his power to create a support structure for me so that he could ease me into having a work ethic, which is what a lot of extroverted sensing child types actually end up doing.

The problem is, is that I was so stuck in my comfort zone as a worthless NP tight, especially in SI inferior that I would fight him tooth and nail. And I was so lazy and his extreme feeling here, I just couldn’t take the fact that I didn’t even like doing it. Especially if you look at it from his perspective, growing up with his ESTJ dad is ESTJ, who is ISTP developed, and I think, potentially actually ISTP focused as well. So he’d be like the UD U S.

version, very, very Chateau very, very deep in his shadow, to the point of having a decent relationship with his super ego. And he’d worked with, he worked on cars like Volkswagens, or Porsches in the garage with my dad growing up. And this, ultimately is why I believe that my grandfather saw my dad out of the many sons that he had as his favorite. My dad also grew up with an intp brother.

And I could just tell, you know, that I heavily reminded my father of his intp brother and his intp brother, like, did not really have much of a workout worth ethic either, and it’s really the ultimate pushover, but at the same time, that’s not necessarily true, because my intp uncle is actually an accomplished black belt in karate, and very, very, very capable at in information technology, although he’s kind of a glutton, and has that gluttony deadly sin going for him? Which really sucks. Oh, there it goes. Well, I got it about an inch and a half. But you know, it is what it is.

So anyway. So he didn’t really, my dad didn’t want me to end up like my uncle, basically. And he, he, he went out of his way to instill within me a work ethic, but I just wasn’t having it. He got so frustrated with it, that he basically told me that as soon as, like, as soon as I graduate high school, like I’m out, I’m out of the house, like you gotta get out.

And it’s funny because I remember the day that I left the house when I was 18. And, and then like my dad, he literally got into a four bedroom house like the following day, it’s actually a two bedroom house with two bedrooms inside the attic. So like lofts, basically. But it’s still really nice, still really nice home, compared to where we were living at the time.

And, you know, honestly, like, for many years, I resented my father for this. I hella resented him for this. But the reality of situation is, is that like, given that I ended up going to like college, for example, going to university of some for profit University called the Royal University, what a waste of time. I still have my $100,000 $120,000 piece of paper in my pocket, it’s my, I literally have a copy of my degree.

In my wallet. Basically, I show people hey, this is my $120,000 piece of paper, complete waste, right? A complete and utter waste. But I remember going there, not even knowing how to operate washer and dryer, and I had to actually ask my RA to help me figure that out because of how much of a loser I was no work ethic whatsoever. And I even I even cheated, like I even cheated oftentimes in.

In college, like instead of actually putting in the work. And that was basically my attitude for many, many years. I didn’t actually start developing a work ethic for real until like, I ended up homeless, and I was living out of a garage. And through that time, and homelessness, it wasn’t until then that the work ethic started kicking in and I started actually started to put in the work.

Granted, I ended up having like my gun company for a while, but I was still like, not even all the way there with work ethic, much to the chagrin of my ISTP cousin, who was also trying to impart upon me a work ethic. So he had to do he took pity on me because here I was, you know, living out of a garage with an infant like a loser. And he’s like, You know what, Chase, I’m just gonna take you you’re gonna do HVAC work. You’re gonna go underneath houses.

You’re gonna go in attics, where it’s really hot. It’s really cool. Old you’re gonna be fighting the elements you’re gonna be fighting snakes are gonna be fighting spiders, it’s gonna suck. And it did.

But that’s, but I needed money, I had to feed my family. And I was literally just this boy, a boy who was also a father at the time. You know, honestly, I, in my, my ESFP, my ESFP wife at the time had to deal with that. I remember her like mom getting in my face, about like how worthless I was.

And justifiably so. Absolutely, she was so justified in getting my face over that, how I just didn’t have like a work ethic whatsoever. So, so I started, I started gaining weight about like, 24. But it really wasn’t complete until I was about 27 years old, when I started working in a hospital, that’s when I really understood work of it.

That’s when I was putting in overtime like crazy. That’s when I really understood what it was to actually put in a hard day’s work. And, you know, it’s funny, because my dad, he actually told me like, a year or two ago, he’s like, you know, you know, son, like, out of everyone, I know, you work the hardest. And that was, that was a huge moment for my father and I because at that one point in time is expert sensing child realized that I’d actually put in the work that I actually did it, I actually reached his dream of his son having a work worth ethic for once instead of being an absolute worthless loser that it was as a child.

So how does an NTP actually gain and work ethic, really, oftentimes, they just have to have no comfort zone, you have to pull out their comfort zone completely out from under them, and then afterwards, pike with that comfort zone. Because it’s the comfort zone that’s inhibiting the work ethic, really, you got to make them uncomfortable, you have to get there, get them to a point mentally, where they have to be like in survival mode, because it’s like, their own personal survival is dependent upon actually having a worth extra work ethic, because then they have a worth ethic, after the fact. And I didn’t, I didn’t for many, many years. It sucked.

It really sucked. And honestly, my family, my ESFP wife at the time, my family just really took the hit, they really, really took the hit. And I was a burden, I was a burden upon my own family as a burden upon her family. It was a really rough situation.

And it was we we even split up and it wasn’t even till after the split up that actually started getting work. I imagined my ESFP wife, ex wife would have actually had respect for me in those days, because I finally had a work ethic all along. But then, you know, sometimes you just gotta learn the hard way. It’s just goes to show how society really is, you know, being part of the last generation, you know, the millennials, The Lost Boys, as it were, I was a lost boy.

And not having any work ethic. It’s just really destroyed my life and destroyed the lives of the people. But again, how do I get it? It’s literally when I’m confronted from the fact that no one in life cares about me, except me. And coming to that realization that I have everything to lose, because I’m not putting in the work.

That’s the motivation. That’s how you actually get the work ethic. You got to come to the realization that it’s really the only thing that you got is you. And you can’t really rely on the affiliative as this buffer against survival of the fittest, you as an intp need to get to a point where you are comfortable with absolutely nothing that you are comfortable with absolutely everything being taken away from you as a person.

And it’s only after, you’re able to have that realization that you’re finally in a position. Like you’re finally there. You’re finally able to realize that, okay, if I don’t work, I don’t eat. And that’s the reality.

And then all of a sudden, you start to work you put in the work ethic you know that you are moving yourself forward based on your own steam and nobody else’s steam and you’re being 100% independent because you’ve finally had your comfort zone burned away, because it’s just not there. You had your whole support structure taken away and I had my support structure taken away. And honestly even to this day, I kind of actually have my support structure still taken away. My family still doesn’t like me.

My family justifiably so is still pretty bitter towards me based on how I behaved in my tea. teenage years, my tween years, as well as my 20s, for the most part, and they didn’t even really get to know me in my 20s till I was about 27, I even door slammed my entire family because of this, even though it was technically my fault, because I didn’t have a work ethic. So a lot of their judgments towards me are entirely justified, I have to admit that I have to admit that it’s just too bad that since I’ve undergone my transformation, for the most part, they still don’t really want to have anything to do with me. I mean, they won’t even invite me to do go to summer vacation with them.

I don’t blame them. Really, I really don’t. I don’t blame them. It’s not.

I understand their judgments of me. And I’ve accepted it. I accept their judgments of me. And if they don’t want me around, well, yeah, I could say it’s their loss.

But at the same time I get it, I completely understand. Why would they miss a lot of NTPs and the ego hacker community who were men who are these same issues, yes, even some intp women who also have these issues. But like, you know, as a man, you know, you really don’t have a support structure, society is not really there for you, chances are your family’s not there for you as an intp. Anyway, and you just have to realize that the only person that cares about you is you.

And yeah, you can be compassionate to other people. But I had to learn how to be properly compassionate towards myself, which means actually developing a work ethic actually getting up out of bed in the morning, letting go of video games, like, I mean, I was playing World of Warcraft so heavily that my car got stolen, because I didn’t notice it was being stolen because I was too busy playing a game and I literally watched the person get in the car. I didn’t know it at the time. That was my car that was pulling out of my parking spot at the apartment that my ex wife and I had in February 26 2009.

in Federal Way, but yeah, that the car was was stolen. It was a it was her car, her Honda Civic. And honestly, like, that’s just my fault. Like, it really is my fault.

I wasted so much time on so many stupid bad habits centered around my comfort zone and my addictions like World of Warcraft, for example. That I couldn’t even be a good husband, and then eventually a good father. You know, I, you know, it’s interesting, because like, recently, like I was accused of being a deadbeat dad, which I don’t think is true right now. But in those days, it was true.

It was true in those days. You know, the thing is, though, is that like, oftentimes, I’m not the only one who has this experience, especially not the only NTP male that has these experiences, right? So you got to watch out for this stuff. Really, at the end of the day, you have to develop your own workout, but you have to find the engine with which you’re able to develop your worth. So entertained, for example, he’s an intp is the exact same nurture that I do, he is unconscious, developed and unconscious focused.

So he’s very close to a super ego. So he’s all about performance, performance with expert sensing demon. And, you know, from his perspective, he just was so angry at how other people have all the success and he didn’t have any success. He’s like, Well, I need to get my own success.

So he used his envy as motivation to develop his own work ethic. Right? That’s what it’s all about folks. And I had to do something similar for me though, it came from a perspective not necessarily of envy at first it was the perspective of survival. I was so stuck in my comfort zone and so enabled and so entitled as a person that I couldn’t even I couldn’t even actually deliver on anything and I was still stuck in this fake it till you make it bullshit thinking in my life.

That bullshit thinking that my father even imparted upon me but it works for my dad because he’s part of the mind temple doesn’t work for me because I’m a heart temple Crusader that’s that really sucks. really sucks. So Dad, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for having a work ethic.

I’m sorry for being a complete total loser. You know, any issues that I may have with you? They may be fair, they may be unfair. I’m sorry for that to the rallies situation is I should have listened. Reality situation is I should have gotten my ass off and realize that Pokemon would have been there for me tomorrow.

And I should have worked on that car with you in the garage. And it’s one of the greatest regrets in my life. Still, to this day, it plagues me. Let me tell you something, folks.

There’s nothing worse than living with regret especially as an intp especially as your SI inferior consumes you from the inside out. You’re walking around with all that regret Don’t be that guy. Seriously, folks, don’t be like me. That’s one of the reasons why I do this channel.

This is why I do this podcast because I don’t want you all to walk, the same walk that I did in my past. I don’t want you to have that I don’t want that to be your future, I want you to have a better future. I want to have a better future. But as part of my compassion, I just don’t want it I just don’t want you to have my past.

I don’t want you to repeat the same mistakes, I wasted my 20s I completely wasted my 20s My 20s didn’t start becoming a waste until like 27. I wasted all that other time. And honestly, it’s a huge regret. So work ethic, you either have to route your work, work ethic in terms of envy, and channel that anger into motivation, the anger of seeing other people’s success and get get your own success to swallow the bug.

Or you have to take responsibility and recognize that if you don’t have a work ethic, you’re gonna be a burden on other people or do what I did. Start having worries as like because you realize you’re not going to live you’re not going to yield survive, you’re going to die. If you don’t have a work that good work ethic. That’s literally what it comes down to.

So don’t be like me have a better life. And get that work, work ethic. You have to force yourself you have to have self discipline, self discipline is what equals freedom. self discipline is what will equal satisfaction in your life as an intp I promise.

Me folks, thanks for watching and listening and I’ll see you guys in the next episode.