What Exactly Does it Mean to be Stuck in your Shadow? | CS Joseph Responds
CS Joseph Responds to what exactly does it mean to be stuck in your shadow?
Transcript:
Hey what’s up? Hey yo, hackers, this is CS Joseph, and welcome to the CS Joseph podcast, and like doing some more questions, because why not? And today’s question is a very interesting one, I’m actually glad it’s been brought up because it has been a source of confusion, confusion within the CSJ community. And I would like to allay some of that confusion or solve some of that confusion so that people are kind of more aware of what’s actually happening. And today’s question is, quote, what exactly does it mean to be stuck in your shadow? That’s a great question. So what does it mean to be stuck in your shadow.
So it’s kind of more of an environmental thing, ultimately, than it is a psychological thing. It’s the environment where the human nurture imprinting or impacting itself upon your human nature, which is your personality type, basically. That’s what it means. That’s where it’s coming from.
That’s what it’s all about. And we need to be on our guard to do that. The problem is, is that we can’t be on our guard, especially like, you know, in our childhood, because when we are children, we are in families and families have their own psychological hierarchies attached to them, especially the nuclear family, as dogshit as the nuclear family is and as evil as the nuclear family is, because it is evil folks, it causes more harm than good on people, and does nothing more than to serve masculine idealism without manhood, and to serve feminine female solipsism as well. And I think the nuclear family needs to be abolished as soon as possible.
And that’s my personal belief on if you love the nuclear family Good on you. I just wonder how long how many decades, it’s going to take you to realize that it’s actually terrible and shouldn’t be allowed to exist, but whatever it is what it is. So, that being said, In my family, for example, I was born to an ENFJ and an ESFJ, an ENFJ. Male and an ISFJ, female, both of which are FJ is very affiliative.
They don’t like asking questions very often, and they expect everyone else to listen to them instead of them listening to anybody. And if they do listen to somebody they like to listen to, quote, unquote, qualified people, or people with authority, that’s who FJs typically prefer to listen to, instead of doing the wise thing, and listening to people who potentially don’t have authority, which, you know, is kind of a wiser thing, because authority and power usually means there’s a bias there. But getting an unbiased source when it comes to getting information or listening is probably wiser in the long run. And then I have a little sister who is an ESFJ, also yet another Fj.
So I was born to a family of three F js, and and they’re all affiliative, trying to do the right thing. And then they’re all very judgmental towards me, not doing the right thing like them. And they resent me for not being an fi user to feed all of their Fe and how dare I try to ask one of them to do the good thing, by me, their son, you know, that’s just kind of not how they work. And as a result, I’ve become very resentful towards my family because of this nuclear family.
And, to make matters worse, I was often times in my childhood with my grandmother, who was yet another F j and ESF J, which is also very painful. And it’s very, very interesting because if you actually look at my grandmother’s grandchildren, me being one of them, only two of her grandchildren are actually affiliative. One ISTJ and my sister and ESF j, the rest of them are all pragmatic ESTP and ISFP, from one of my uncle’s from my ENFP uncle, and then from my INFJ or en TP Uncle, I’m not sure which type he is. I go back and forth on it.
He had an ESTP and an ISTP son, so to STP sons, all of which are pragmatic. And really, the only source of pragmatism for myself would be among the grandchildren. But my parents kept me pretty sheltered from my cousins, especially my male cousins growing up and I think that definitely inhibited my growth. But again, it’s all about the environment.
And that was the environment I was born to and this is why the nuclear family is such a problem because the nuclear family actually stunts the growth. cause of children basically, is the reason why men don’t finish actually mentally growing up by the time they’re 28 years old, when they used to do it by the time they were 15. This is why Bar Mitzvah exists, this is why it can send yera exists, because the expectation is, is that manhood is mentally reached around 15 years old mentally for a male. But this is actually not happening until almost double that time, 20 years later, and we have the nuclear family to completely blame for that the nuclear family is the problem, because the nuclear family limits, especially in Western society, limits a child’s exposure to other human beings, other psyches, because a person’s psyche, a person’s personality needs to be exposed to compatible types and camaraderie types on a consistent basis in order for to grow and to mature.
But because we do not live in a tribal society, because we do not have multi generational families, because we have this bullshit nuclear family, etc. We end up stifling the growth of our children and all of our children are just behind in growth. And then given the fact that women are heavily favored in Western society over men, women end up which naturally they already advanced faster than men do. But that’s also because their biological clock is a lot shorter than men.
Because, you know, men reach their peak, they’re in their prime at 36 to 42. Whereas women reach their prime nowadays 20 to 25. So there’s data women don’t have as much time as men do. This ends up presenting a problem for people because the nuclear family is limited all that exposure, basically.
And because of that, I ended up being stuck in my shadow. Well, what does that mean? Exactly? Mr. CS? Joseph. So most people assume that being stuck in your shadow is like, oh, you know, I’m an AI and, you know, CS Josephson, DNTPs.
So that must mean he’s an INTJ all the time, like, no, that’s not how it works. It’s not a binary thing. It’s not a static state of being. Most it’s, it’s probably one of the top three things that causes the most confusion with people.
But reality is I’m talking about something called cognitive focus. And cognitive focus is when you have a heavy preference for using one of the four sides of your mind, as your kind of main go to your ego will still present. And you’re still you know, largely in your ego. But when it comes to you encountering various situations, your brain has cognitive functions in it.
Your brain is a toolbox full of tools, those tools are cognitive functions, and use those cognitive functions in combination with each other in terms of guidance functions, or access functions, or orbit functions, or reflector functions, these different ways of combining your cognitive functions to serve different purposes, purpose i purposes, to solve problems, or do things or take action in your life, basically, the thing is, is that you become more familiar with a particular tool in your tool belt, you become more familiar with certain functions or combinations of functions than others, over time, because of the environment that you are in, I was in a very FJ, affiliative environment. And my parents resented the fact that I didn’t have enough Introverted Feeling with them. And they would just label me this super manipulative INTP pragmatic child that would just be taken care of taking advantage of the other children, when the reality of the situation was they’re trying to turn me into something that I wasn’t okay. And so because of this, my brain naturally became more familiar with the shadow or the unconscious side of my mind, my INTJ side, because my parents were trying so hard to get fit out of me.
So naturally, I went to the closest side of the mind that is closest to my ego that produces Introverted Feeling, which is my INTJ shadow, which means I would end up over time I became conditioned, psychologically conditioned over time to respond to various interactions and situations as an INTJ would, okay, it’s literally learned behavior. And my brain had all those neural pathways basically built as a child to facilitate that interaction, because my parents were just so disappointed me all the time that I wasn’t an FYI user, because they were looking to each other to supply the Introverted Feeling and they couldn’t. So then they had a child, they’re looking for their child to do the same thing. Sadly, what’s really interesting about that, is I married an FE user who has an ETP and I literally repeated history except this time, we do have an INTJ child who is producing FYI, in our little nuclear family.
I love how much I’m a hypocrite. Right? So you know, like, that’s kind of how it is. Right? That’s, that’s what happened. So it’s a new generation.
Similar at least, you know, our son is triple pragmatic, and we both are pragmatic. So we still have that problem. But again, it’s like there’s always going to be a child and a family that within the environment, a family that feels left out. That’s why it’s important to have a tribal family or a multi generational family, to expose them to a lot of adults, aunts, uncles, and cousins, so that they have that bond of family but they’re being exposed to all the calm compatibility or the camaraderie where it’s a sheltered child like myself being the child of a pastor, basically, because I’m a pastor’s kid.
Ends up just, you know, like, I was sheltered and because I was sheltered my growth was stunted, stunted over everyone else. And I have to constantly force myself to not be sheltered on a consistent basis. And if and oftentimes, I end up sheltering my own Introverted Sensing inferior because of that experience. The thing is, is that like, you know, what being stuck in my shadow means it’s just I prefer using my shadow I prefer using, it’s the side of my mind that is the most developed.
That is why we call it cognitive focus. Because I am focused, my brain is focused on using and preferring those neural pathways built into my unconscious than it would actually my subconscious, which is why I’m going out of my way to grow my subconscious now, because I’m in the middle of midlife crisis, and trying to grow my eyes such as subconscious. So I can stop feeling afraid to be weak all the time, and actually prove to myself that I’m actually a strong person through my eyes, FJ subconscious, so that I can finally put an end to my midlife crisis. This is what’s happening.
And usually children who are in a very diverse family, and they aren’t molded into this affiliative fit user that my parents wanted me to be like, my dad would have much rather preferred me to be an INFP than an ESTP. And because of that, I ended up being put into my shadow. And quite frankly, it’s a form of psychological child abuse. And I’m not saying that my parents are child abusers, what I am saying is that the nuclear family itself as a construct is actually the number one source of child abuse, it needs to die.
It’s evil. It’s literally evil, and is probably responsible for most of maybe 80% of the suffering in my life. Because of the nuclear family. The nuclear family is wrong, it is evil.
Okay, I don’t care what anyone says. Like, especially, you know, we talk about Joseph who with his coat of many colors in the Bible, you know, and how he had what 11 Brothers 12 Brothers 11 other brothers, like, Come on people, like seriously, think about it, like these huge families, you know, kind of a kind of a big deal, you know, and they became like the different tribes of Israel as a result, you know, that’s just that’s just history, right? Read the red tent while you’re at it, folks, read the red tent, do yourself a favor, read the red tent. So it’s very feminine. Good luck if you can get through it.
But kind of shows what the mature feminine should look like. Anyway. So it’s not necessarily that we’re like stuck like statically stuck in our shadow. It’s a dynamic we are in our ego, but we have quick access to our shadows, tools, and then we can actually go become our shadow for a temporary amount of time to solve a particular situation, then we’re shot back up into our ego.
That’s basically what it means. Okay. And then cognitive focus over time as you develop all the size your mind and get your neural pathways built to all of the size your mind using your guidance functions for orderly versus chaotic transition through your gateway functions. If you don’t know about that you should watch season 19 You should Walsall watch our most recent cutting edge podcast episode at CS joseph.ly.
For slash members become a journeyman member, so that you can actually watch that episode. Those particular episodes are very, very important. Okay. So and they actually explain how this works.
Guidance functions are the parent function of each of the four sides of the mind and they control the flow of information that goes to the neural pathways over your gateway function to get the other sides of your mind that’s very important and common development is very requires that you that you basically over time, learn how to use your guidance function, which we naturally do as we grow. The thing is, is that a lot of pain could be prevented ahead of time. Well, how do you do that? Well, guess what? If I’m stuck in my shadow, all of a sudden, when I move out of my parents house, and I’m not around my family anymore, and I’m on my own, all of a sudden my ego is actually allowed to breathe, it’s allowed to exist. I don’t necessarily have to keep my focus, but be given that it’s happened my entire childhood.
I ended up still having that preference to going into my INTJ shadow and using its mental tools to solve problems, more so than my ego, and especially even more so than my SubCom anxious, which means I’ve developed a good amount of wisdom as a result of having these negative traumatic experiences as a child. But my happiness is at an all time low. And that’s why I’m having midlife crisis right now. Because my mind is like you’re unhappy, you’re unhappy or unhappy, fix it, fix it, fix it.
And it realizes that me developing personal strength on my own is really the only key to me to complete happiness. Yes, I got lots of wisdom with that INTJ shadow. But what point is it if I have no joy in my life, and the only way I’m able to have joy is by exploring my subconscious. And then the way to do that is to be the freedom to be who I am within my ego, so I can have easier access to my subconscious.
And the only way that’s going to happen is if I get away from my family, and I stay away from them. You see what I’m saying? Folks, this happens to everybody. Everybody that’s been a nuclear family, you are every person is in some capacity, a minority, a psychological minority, within the nuclear family of their family of their upbringing, and has, in some cases been abused as a result of being that psychological minority. Because human beings are naturally psychologically prejudiced, aka racist in some capacity.
That’s a fact, folks, and everybody does it. Everybody, including myself, okay, we’re all hypocrites. We’re all in the ditch on this one. Okay, so grow up.
So all you have to do is just make sure you’re developing all four sides, your mind and don’t get stuck in your comfort zone. And that’s basically what it means to be stuck in your shadow is when you just continue to prefer one side of your mind, or your shadow over your other sides of the mind, which can actually eventually inhibit your growth. So I highly recommend that you folks really come to an understanding what it means to be stuck in your shadow. So you stop confusing everybody with this bullshit that I keep seeing in the CSJ community.
Were using my words and I, I apologize in advance or for before, given that I did not provide enough clarification in this area. So I’m using this video to clarify, okay, clarifying that, it doesn’t mean that you’re statically stuck in your shadow, it is a dynamic and you’re dynamically moving through all of the four sides of your mind some more than others. And to be stuck in your shadow just means you’re moving in and out of your eyes or your your mind you decide or your unconscious side of your mind more often than anywhere else in your brain. That’s basically all I’m really saying.
So hopefully this clarification, cleans it all up. And everybody now understands that this means that there’s less confusion within this community. I sincerely hope so. So and my folks hopefully you consider yourselves enlightened or at least informed or clarified at this point and things are you’re seeing things much clearer, much more clearly or clearly now for whether or not you’re stuck in your shadow what that even means so anyway, folks, thanks for watching and listening and I’ll see you guys tonight.
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