why do estps always criticize infps?

If you’re an INFP and you feel you’re the victim of an ESTP’s criticism, step back and take time to understand the dynamics of the situation.  If you don’t, you could miss out on one of the most satisfying and mutually beneficial relationships possible for you.   

First, a few points.  (1) The word “always” is an open invitation to challenge the premise of any question, and I’m taking the opportunity to challenge this one.  (2) The question is a passive-aggressive criticism of ESTPs.  Isn’t it really chiding ESTPs as being mean and uncaring?  (3) ESTPs criticize everyone and everything, not just INFPs.  It’s how they strengthen, both physically and intellectually, those they care for.  It’s how they work to achieve efficiency and fairness in society.   

In truth, ESTPs and INFPs are highly compatible as friends, lovers, and long-term companions.  The relationship works both sexually and emotionally.  They are a “bronze pair” with complementary cognition in both function and attitude.   Certainly, and to the point of the question, in the absence of maturity, communication, or similar backgrounds, conflict and criticism can arise, but both have much to gain in working through these differences.   

ESTPs are the ultimate realists, grounded in the moment, aware of the physical world around them, and driven to make people better.  INFPs are true philosophers, future-focused, aware of the metaphysical realm, and empowered with personal morality.  Theirs is an example of the power in the attraction of opposites in a relationship. 

For example, ESTPs’ Introverted Thinking (Ti) Parent may seem relentless and stubborn, a reflection of its responsibility for truth and accuracy, but that is exactly what INFPs’ aspiring Extraverted Thinking (Te) wants and needs.  INFPs need only accept it in the spirit of innocence and love that ESTPs’ Extraverted Feeling (Fe) Child gives it.  Likewise, INFPs’ Introverted Feeling (Fi) Hero may come across as morally superior, but that strength of character is exactly what ESTPs’ Fe Child wants and needs.  ESTPs struggle to know virtue and integrity within themselves and look to INFPs as models.   

From the standpoint of the Four Sides of the Mind, ESTPs aspire with Introverted Intuition (Ni) toward their INFJ subconscious, INFJ itself being highly compatible with INFP.  This gives ESTPs an affinity for abstract thought and an attraction to the philosophical mind of INFPs.  In turn, INFPs aspire with Te toward their ESTJ subconscious, ESTJ being compatible with ESTP in its own right.  This gives INFPs their connection to reality and shows them a path to put their ideals into practice.   

ESTPs apply a reality-check to the ideals of the INFP, not to dissuade or destroy, but to strengthen.  ESTPs help INFPs appreciate the strength of objective fact and see the potential for error in the subjectiveness of emotion and morality alone.  ESTPs ground INFPs, build their intelligence, and show them how to implement their ideals.   

In turn, INFPs provide ESTPs a moral compass and build within them an awareness of the consequences of their actions, both of which to help them make better decisions.  INFPs help ESTPs soften their interaction with others which actually allows ESTPs to more effectively help others grow.  They also help them organize, focus, and remain on task.   

It’s ironic really that in spite of the premise of the original question, the INFP is one the few personality types most capable of helping the ESTP fulfill his/her purpose in making people better, and that it is the ESTP who can help bring the ideals of the INFP to reality.  The relationship between these two types is rigorous and rewarding.  INFPs need only see themselves as beneficiaries rather than victims.