Season 12, Episode 13 Transcript
– Hey, it’s CS Joseph with joseph.life doing another episode on social compatibility, this time for the INFJ because who doesn’t like watching videos on YouTube or listening on podcast about INFJs because apparently anything NBTI related has to, like is dominated by the INFJ audience for some reason. So, I could be wrong though, it might be INTJ or INTP or INFP. But top four introvert intuitives love NBTI related subjects, even though technically, I’m kind of anti MBTI because I really don’t care for the MBTI test and MBTI is nothing but a test. I mean, I use the letters just to, because that’s the title of the types of people are used to otherwise I kind of really don’t care that much but that’s not either here or there. So social compatibility for the INFJ, I mean, I try to make promises again like I did with my last lecture that this is gonna be a short lecture, but I don’t know. So we’ll see where it goes, how long it takes. Definitely not more than that an hour though. That’s ridiculous. And I don’t think I’ve gotten to an hour on any of my lectures even one time. So we’ll see how that happens. Maybe I’ll get to an hour today. It’ll be great. You know, got to torture everyone, right? So social compatibility with INFJ’s. INFJ’s are see it through, finisher, try the course types, that is their interaction style. That means their direct responding movement.
They are idealists, very people oriented, people focused, always seeking the ideal, able to manipulate social situations as a result of their idealism. They’re very perfectionistic, always trying to seek to be the person who’s delivering the absolute best possible experience. The purpose of the INFJ’s life is basically to improve other people and to make people better. It’s kind of like, I don’t know if you’ve ever watched, it’s like that super power in heroes, the red lightning that had, which was heroes of partner and his red lightening would supercharge other people’s super powers and make them stronger. That’s like the INFJ. Hey man, I’m gonna give you a hug because I love you so much. Oh, you’re so energized by my hug. Okay, go fly, be free, save the world and conquer all those that oppose you because I gave you a hug, right? That’s like the INFJ way of conducting magical powers is by through their hugs or their touch, or their appearance or the experience that they’re giving others and how they crafted et cetera, or the reality checks that they give people, right. Although that’s not to say, INFJ does not need a reality check, I mean if you want one of those, just go watch my who are the INFJ’s lecture which is a controversial lecture to say the least. But about that, I would actually like to address INFJ’s about that.
Just understand that with all my lectures, so in my lectures, I plan to make them more negative sounding or more positive sounding on purpose, it’s because I wanna have like different waves going up and down and honestly, I’m tired of YouTube people or podcasts talking about INFJ’s like these dainty little fairy things that have super powerful magical powers and give twilight sparkle a bad name while maximizing rainbow dash all the way around. You know, I really don’t think that’s relevant or useful to anyone and then they’re trying to understand you. So it was important to make sure that not only do I talk about the good things, but I also criticize you because I’ve had INFJ’s criticized me in my whole life. I mean, my mentor who is an INFJ who taught me a lot about what I know about type, RP Morial, he himself is an INFJ. And his TI child lit me on fire consistently for two years. And basically because of that, his TI child literally burned the lies away. The lies that I was living because I was literally leading a life with a foundation of lies. There was no truth in me whatsoever. And because of his TI child, I am here today. So I am very grateful for INFJ’s and what they can do in this life. I may be super, super mega critical of INFJ’s but I’m also super mega critical other types too. I mean, ENFP’s consistently complained that I’m overly critical towards them, I’ve gotten it from INFP’s as well. I’ve gotten from ISFJ’s.
So the point is, doesn’t matter what type it is, I’m doing lectures that are more positive and more negative all of the time, but if you just watch the playlist because I have a playlist devoted to each type, if you watch each lecture associated with each type’s playlist that I have, so just click, go to my channel and click playlist and find your type and watch all of them. You’ll notice that it’s kind of like up and down in terms of me being more negative and more positive on per lecture, right? It’s because I’m trying to get all the positive things and all the negative things, but every type of available inside this one grand narrative. It’s nice to just watch one lecture, but if you watch all the lectures, you’ll start to see that there’s actually a grand narrative behind all of my lectures when it comes to each of the single types and human nature and how it affects them, right. So INFJ’s included, yes, some lectures are more negative than others, some are more positive than, than others, but that’s how it is with every single type, right? It’s just like, so for example, who are the blank type that could be half of them would be negative, for some types, half of them would be positive and then the virtue advice would be, half of them will be more negative for the other ones, et cetera. It all balances out is the point. So just understand that if you see me being more negative or more positive, take with a grain of salt and recognize that it’s part of a grander narrative and it’s not about me just being in a bad mood or oh, you’ve had bad relationships with INFJ’s and you’re obviously hurt by them and eventual because of it. And you’ve had a really bad experience about it Or the, you’ve been around some really unhealthy INFJ’s, I really like that one, especially that’s usually INFPs telling me, INFP’s who think they’re INFJ’s telling me that, then I just laughed myself because, when people watch my lectures, they don’t even realize that statistically when people take the tests that they are inaccurate and statistically, when they try to type other people, they’re using the letters to try to type people instead of the interaction styles multiply by the temperaments, which is what I teach here on this channel and on the podcast with my type grid.
If you don’t know what the type grid is, go to csjoseph.life, you can download it on the front page, just throw in your email. No, I’m not gonna spam you. I’m actually gonna send you unlisted YouTube lectures that are only available through email. And the first one’s really talking about cognitive transitions, it’s a fantastic lecture series. We’re going to be doing that. So, but the point is just recognize statistically speaking, people who claim to know their type or know the type of other people generally actually don’t know. And I’m here to try to teach everybody on how to type someone quickly. For example, on the discord server that I have, right, someone came in and was like, oh, guess my type. And someone was able to guess their type right away. And that’s because they follow the interaction styles plus the temperaments to be able to quickly type people within in one minute of coming to contact with them and yet never knowing them or really having a good enough chance to observe them, right. And if they’re that good at typing instead of relying on the letters or a test, we should listen to that because the non letter way, the non test way are actually more accurate, using interaction styles multiplied by temperaments is more accurate. So make sure that when you folks are watching my lectures and be like, oh, that’s not my experience, make sure that your type is 100% accurate that you did not just get it from the test that you verify it with the type grid. And that the people in your life and your family, you’re using the tight grid to verify their types before you start making judgements because your judgments statistically are likely incorrect. So just be aware of that, is very important to that. And when we’re talking about social compatibility in these lectures, it can be an issue. So because some people are like, well, I’m not compatible with that type. And it’s like, yes, actually you are compatible with that type or no, yeah, you are that type because you’re not the type that you think you are, or they’re not the type of person that you think they are, et cetera. It can just lead to confusion. So before we jumped to conclusions or make judgements, let’s make sure that we’re actually using the type grid as a tool to verify your own type and type for others. And if you don’t know how to use the type grid, I have a playlist of like 10, or eight to 10 lectures about how to use the type grid and every component on the type grid is explained. It’s called how to type yourself and others. And in fact, I even have one lecture with the same title that has it in general, if you just wanna watch that. But I recommend watching the entire playlist from start to finish, it talks about the temperaments, talks about each of the interaction styles. So you have a good idea of how to use the type grid accurately to type people. So anyway, I just wanted to bring that preface here, nine minutes and 40 seconds into this lecture. Reminds me of another lecture I did recently. Sacred masculinity where I did the same thing, but I needed to get that preface so that when people or see like, ooh, social compatibility for INFJ’s, it usually brings a new people to the channel and it’s important that I at least express this so that they understand that. That way they stop jumping to conclusions and making improper judgements and actually verify what they know first to be true before they start making judgements, et cetera. That’s my recommendation and it helps everyone here on the channel and on the podcast and on the discord server and on the Mattermost server to have a better deeper discussion that’s based on accuracy instead of beliefs, right, logos instead of ethos.
So anyway, that being said, for those of you listening on the podcast, I’ll now go into which types are compatible with INFJ’s, but first I would offer a disclaimer. Cognitive redundancy is basically where, oh, like evolutionarily speaking, you have the 16 types and cognitive functions, they have functional compatibility, functional compatibility is imagine each cognitive function as a puzzle piece and some puzzle pieces fit well together with others. If you wanna learn more about that, watch my playlist on cognitive synchronicity and you will understand how each of the individual cognitive functions interacts with the other cognitive functions and shows you just how compatible they are with other functions, right? Or the one function that they are the most compatible with. And it’s kind of like electricity or magnetism, there’s a positive or negative charge. Introverted functions have a positive charge. extroverted functions have a negative charge because the extroverted functions are trying to orbit around the introverted functions because the extroverted functions are trying to consume the introverted functions. And it’s like the introverted functions are providing a gravitational pole for the extroverted functions to get on top of, so that’s like FI and then FE’s orbiting FI, et cetera. Why is this? It’s because like say, if there’s a room of FE users and an FI user walks into the room, the four FE users in that room will all start feeling the exact same way that the FI user is. And the entire emotional state of the room has just changed just because one FI user walked into a room with FE users. That’s a fact. It’s because the FE likes to orbit around the FI, those of you that are like, oh, but socionics doesn’t say that, and I’m like, guys, I really don’t give a damn about socionics’s opinion on compatibility. It is incorrect.
Socionics teaches camaraderie, they label it compatibility, but they teach camaraderie. So what is camaraderie? Evolutionarily speaking, our minds have functional compatibility, but if we are not compatible with other types, we still have to come together as human beings to do tasks or to survive for example, in the environment that is the earth, right? So we have this thing called camaraderie also built in. Camaraderie and compatibility. are in Yin and Yang equilibrium with each other for the human psyche, so that human beings can still find common ground with each other, even if they’re incompatible and still able to form some semblance of relationships with each other to get things done. So types that have high comradery are people who are in the same interaction style, the same temperament, the same quadra, I haven’t talked about quadra’s yet. And that’s actually one thing I agree with socionics about is quadra’s but I do not agree with their opinion on compatibility. Ooh, duality is the most important relationship there is, no, light that on fire and blow your foot off. That’s really gonna be great. No. Why don’t you just subject yourself to an entire lifetime of misery being married to a dualist, like, it’s not recommended because if it’s duality, you’re literally in a duel. When Alexander Hamilton shot Aaron Bird, come on, you’re dueling. It’s not duality, man. That’s a great relationship, man. No, no, that’s not how it goes. So anyway, so camaraderie, that could be MTPs, SFPs together, there’s two SFPs, it could be NTJs, NFJs, SFJs, STJs, STPs, SFPs, et cetera, people can find common ground. It could be ISJs, ESJs, ENJs, ENPs, so there would be camaraderie between ENTP and ENFP, for example. But camaraderie also has another component to it, which is really great. And it has a component of teaching. So for example, a duality relationship, you could actually learn very much from a duelist person, your polar opposite, and it actually helps you to develop your subconscious better and you may also be developing their subconscious better. It is an opportunity for training and learning because it makes you sharper, the relationship is edgier, right? Because as iron sharpens iron, so does one man to another, right. That’s a fact. Thank you king Solomon for that nice thing of wisdom, if king Solomon actually said that, who knows?
I mean, we’re told that’s what he said but I don’t know if that’s exactly true, and not exactly sure if that’s verifiable, but who knows. Anyway, so yeah, camaraderie is a thing. So camaraderie does not equal compatibility. So be aware of that. So that’s the end of this claimer. So again, podcast users, if you’re listening, here is the compatibility scheme for INFJs. NPs first, SJs second. NJs third, SPs fourth. Drilling in more into the weeds, we have NFPs first, STJs second, NTPs third, SFJs fourth, SFPs fifth, NTJs six, STPs seventh, NFJs eighth. And the list of 16 from top to bottom for deep meaningful friendship because social compatibility is about friendship, it is not romantic relationship, it is not professional relationships because romantic relationship is face to face, professional relationship is shoulder to shoulder and friendship is both of those mixed together over a weighted average to create this algorithm to get the list of the 16. And I am now gonna state them in order ENFB is highest compatibility, highest social friendship compatitive, INFJs followed by INFP second, ESTJ third, fourth is ISTJ, fifth is ENTP, yo. INTP is six, ESFJ is seven, ISFJ is eight, ESFP is nine, ISFP is 10, ENTJ is 11, INTJ is 12, ESTP is 13, ISTP is 14, ENFJ is 15. And INFJ is fellow, INFJs are 16, down at the bottom. So because this is an introverted lecture, we’re going to be doing the lowest or least compatible on the spectrum because remember, this compatibility is all about arms length, acquaintance, very shallow area of relationship. The higher on this list, like towards the ENFP or the INFP, very deep meaningful friendship, et cetera in terms of cognitive functional compatibility. So be aware of that distinction. So because we’re doing an introvert, because the experts we did it with highest compatibility first, then followed by the least, when I start with least and work our way up to the highest. So here we go.
INFJ plus INFJ, wow, this looks like a fantastic friendship. No, because the shortest distance between two points is a straight line, cognitive functions have to travel a long distance to find what they’re looking for. Remember, expert intuition is trying to orbit introvert intuition, and know it’s trying to get into the intuitions, or because it’s like literally an atom, O-N-E, I want to orbit around you, but it’s really hard to get to you because I had to get through all these other things, orbits, like, imagine our minds are literally solar systems colliding with each other and are the planets going to collide? Or the planets actually gonna be a nice little sink and whatnot? You know what I mean? That’s like literally how our souls work. Our souls are literally like mini metaphysical solar systems. Did you know that? Well, this is how it is, each cognitive function is kind of like a planet. Dope. And then all of that sudden, our ego is like a system of solar systems, right? And then galaxies, and, oh, wait, zooming in and out. Gosh, I liked the metaphysical component of this, really, really awesome. And it’s also kind of goes to show you like our minds, our bodies and our minds really, really reflect the universe back out and inwardly, right? Like that song that aura guy did with Yoko Kano called “Inner Universe”, I highly recommend you listen to that. It is absolutely dope. Talk about Japanese and Russian mixed together for this awesome cyber punk music. Awesome. Okay, yeah, ghost in the shell, shoot me, but I mean, had to go there. So expert intuition is trying to orbit around introverted intuition here and it’s having trouble trouble on distance. It’s also colliding with potential other cognitive functions here in this traffic jam. Not going to go very well for it. And it’s like, well, I’m worried about you doing whatever you want. And well, I’m worried about you doing every thing you want. Well, I feel like you’re being corrupt. Well, I feel you’re corrupt. You know, I feel like your friends are crap. Well, I believe your friends are crap. And it’s just like, there’s just no useful here. and then imagine they’re trying to mirror each other. What happens when two mirrors like are looking at each other, right. It just turns into like pure chaos if you try to look inside, it just goes like on and on and on and on and it’s like, wow, that’s not really useful here. I don’t recommend this. Being insecure about their demons, yeah, that’s useful. Holding each other to a super high moral standard. What if one of them is more corrupt than the other? I mean, then that’s just gonna lead to judgments, right and pointing fingers. And then, you know what they’re gonna do? They’re gonna do the INFJ door slam. And yep, not gonna have anything to do with that person anymore. Move on and on to the next one.
INFJ and ENFJ. Super high camaraderie. I have to make a comment about this one, because they’re both NFJs, they have like super amazingly high a camaraderie. My aunt and uncle is actually an ENFJ married to an INFJ and their relationship is explosive. Boom. But they’ve been together for like 40 years, and like 40 plus years. So it just goes to show that if you have the ability to communicate and you have all of maturity in the world, you really can make any romantic relationship work within type. It’s just the differences is that, you’re trying, okay, someone said this on a YouTube channel, I forgot who said it, but whoever said it, I owe you a huge debt of gratitude because it was a princess bride reference. And he was explaining that this kind of relationship is like climbing the cliffs of insanity without a rope. And it really is, if you’re really, really strong, if you have a lot of mental energy, if you have a lot of maturity, if you have a decent human nurture, you’re gonna be able to climb the cliff of insanity and meet the other at the top. Hopefully they have the same ability to climb the cliffs of insanity, right? Because, never face a Sicilian when death is on the line. Well, I mean, these two are obviously trying to do it. So yeah, my aunt and uncle like they’ve somehow been able to do it and I have to applaud them because they have done the impossible. It is insanely difficult. And just to watch them in their interactions, it is really hard, but they really do love and care about each other in a deep way and they just don’t, they don’t give up on each other no matter what. And it is absolutely fantastic to watch. And it is an example that just because you’re functionally incompatible and it is super mega high effort uphill relationships instead of just being like a nice, easy, going down hill with a nice little breeze, sunset going, very few clouds, the flowers are blooming. You’re just going downhill a little bit, it’s nice and easy, restful and whatnot and then you see the other person over there. It’s like, oh, I’m an INFJ hello, NFP, I love you. It’s so easy to get to you and whatnot and then it’s just like, okay, nice. But we had the cliffs of insanity over here, which would you like to choose, right? So remember the more advanced human being you are in terms of maturity, mental energy, growth, human nurture, yeah, you could actually make this relationship work and I’ve seen it in my own life. And that’s my aunt and uncle right now. So let’s talk about it. FE hero is constantly trying to make FI critic feel good. And yet FI critic is like the black hole of feeling, and the INFJ is like, but I’m so worthless and useless all the time and ENFJ is like, no, no, you can’t believe that. I don’t want you to believe that you’re worthless and useless all the time, but I really, really am. But no, no, no, no, no, you’re not. and it’s just crazy conflict and it’s like, no, no, no stop. Or, the INFJ telling the ENFJ, you need to be a better person.
You always worry that you’re a better person or that you’re not good enough, et cetera, that you’re not worthy. And the ENFJ is like, well, I am, and the ENFJ is like, why can’t you remember anything for me? And then the INFJ is like, why aren’t you never loyal to me? SI trickster. And they’re always trying to find loyalty to each other and obligate each other and they just end up realizing that they have to really approach things from a shoulder to shoulder point. And it’s really hard to have a face-to-face relationship in this regard, they can be friends and they have the high comradery going for them, but look at the amount of interference that the cognitive functions have to get through in order to be able to have that relationship sources between two points in a straight line. But then you have cognitive functions that are matching up, pessimistic versus optimistic, that can also create additional conflict. And that’s not exactly something I would recommend. So let’s move on to INFJ plus ISTP. Remember for the sake of these lectures, I’m doing the bottom four compatibility, and then the top four compatibility for social compatibility for these lectures and ISTP is third one from the bottom. This is also really interesting. ISTPs have this thing when it comes to INFJs but they stupid zone INFJs really quick. It’s because that TE, the ISTP, if you want something done, right, do it yourself. The ISTP is walking by watching the INFJ paint something or painting. And then the ISTP comes over, pulls the painting gear out of their hands and is like, listen, if you wanna paint, you got to do it like this. And which of course that SE parent is immediately pissing off the SI demon of the INFJ causing SE rage. And at that point, the INFJ is just straight up raging. Like, did you literally just take the roller out of my hand while I’m painting this for you? And you’re telling me how to do it, right?
Like this conversation INFJ plus ISTP literally becomes an argument about the sweeper chooses the broom basically. You can’t tell someone to sweep and then tell them how to sweep afterwards, right. And that’s what the complaint common complaint is between INFJ and ISTP, because the ISTP just looks at how inept the INFJ is at mechanical anything and, or being responsible in that way, or being smart because of their lack of beliefs and with their TI child, in the ISTP who just walks around believing that the INFJ is stupid and inept and worthless and useless. And the ISTP, I have seen ISTPs literally call INFJs to their face and tell them how worthless they were. I’ve also seen an ISTP son who had an INFJ father because of their familial relationship, they didn’t go that far and they were able to keep it civil, but in a non-familiar relationship, this relationship, it could be on fire because the ISTP is just constantly stressed out with the fact that they just see INFJ and they were like so not teachable because they wanna teach the INFJ with their ENFJ subconscious, but it’s just not going to happen, right. It’s just not gonna happen. So it just turns into a total shit show. They’re worried that the INFJ is stupid. They’re trying to make the INFJ feel better which is impossible to them because FE inferior can not do anything for FI critic, hard as it tries. The SE parent can’t interface with the demon, that’s not going to work. And the ISTP is completely unaware of what the INFJ wants, so never gives the INFJ the freedom that it wants to handle it. And the ESTJ is unconscious, the ISTP just start to do control the INFJ, which has caused the INFJ to become ragey afterwards. So point is INFJ firsthand they get, they’re so door slamming that person, their door slammed and they’re out of their life. and, yeah, great, thank God. Now I don’t have to deal with this problem anymore from the INFJ, or from the ISTP, excuse me. So IMFJ and ESTP is very interesting. This is the duality relationship, they are dualists, right. So they’re constantly in a duel with each other, et cetera or maybe it’s with swords. I don’t know, but I kind of like the gun thing. ‘Cause I mean, who shot Aaron Bird? Alexander Hamilton. I mean, it’s the 4th of July. Why can’t I talk about American history?
You know? so INFJ, ESTP. So the ESTP is always trying to obligate the INFJ, obligate the SI demon from SE hero. Yeah, that’s going to work, who. Or the ESTP NE demon is trying to screw over the future of the INFJ. That’s gonna work, or the TI parent, the ESTP is constantly telling TE trickster how right it is. But the INFJ is so unaware that other people have thoughts whatsoever, they’re unaware of other people’s logical judgments that it doesn’t matter what the ESTP says to the INFJ, the INFJ is just gonna think what it thinks on its own. And the ESTP is trying to show the INFJ something, trying to teach the INFJ something, trying to improve the INFJ, and with their own INFJ subconscious and the other INFJ is just looking at him like a cow at an oncoming train, is just like, I don’t even understand you, we don’t even speak the same language. Why are we having this conversation? It’s a waste of time. And then they end up accusing each other or being worthless. It’s weird. Not a relationship I would recommend. When the INFJ day starts jumping to conclusions about the ESTP, the INFJ would end up accusing the ESTP of cheating. That’s actually very common, which just enrages the ESTP. And then there’s, there’s a huge risk especially if these people are in a family of some kind or actually really close in some way, shape or form.
There is a huge risk of physical altercation between these two. I have seen that. I have seen an INFJ son get into a physical altercation with an ESTP father. One thing I can say about that relationship though, at least there was one benefit, if and ESTP is the father of an INFJ, that TI child will learn from that TI parent and it will become supercharged and super effective to the point where, I mean, for example, ’cause like Jesus Christ, right? That he’s an INFJ and it talks about like how, when Jesus returns to the earth to take over the world, et cetera, and it’s like his mouth opens, right. And that a double-edged sword comes out, right? What is that double-edged sword? That double-edged sword literally is TI child, right? And when you have an ESTP father teaching you and trying to raise you, and it’s so frustrating with you as an INFJ, your TI child starts to, ’cause your FE parent will get in there and know that it’s ethically wrong what the ESTP is doing because, or morally wrong what the ESTP is doing, but the ESTP doesn’t even have awareness of morals because morals is down here with FI trickster, right? So then FE kicks in and it’s like, why are you not being more or less so, then he starts to develop a TI child to use logos as the only weapon it can to hit the TE critic of the ESTP to use logos and that the child uses logos and starts to teach the ESTP some things. And that ESTP will stop being abusive, not necessarily the ESTP is being abusive, I’m just saying that the INFJ is perceiving abuse on the part of the ESTP, right? They’re literally perceiving that abuse. And when that happens, TI child just becomes overdeveloped. And the INFJ literally verifies, it starts to verify every single thing that the ESTP father does.
Keeping track of every word that they say with a log of update and timestamps for example, every time they make a claim, they’re always looking up on the internet, their phone right in front of them, trying to find an article that disagrees with them for example, and it causes TE emulation almost where they’re just getting like their ethos developed to try to defeat the fact that their ESTP father is so difficult to deal with, right for example. So that’s just one way this happens. I’ve also seen it in relationships. I have watched an INFJ, an INFJ woman and an ESTP man in a relationship and I just could never figure out why they had that but they did. And it was the same thing, she would literally verify their child, every single thing and just piss him off because his TI parent knew that she was right and couldn’t disagree. And it was just turned into a total, it turned into a fight every single time. And it was really frustrating to watch. I thanked both of them when they decided to break up. I was so happy, I was so happy with them. And after they broke up, because I knew people that were super compatible with them and they would be good at them, I introduced them and they were both in new relationships within two weeks after their breakup. It was fantastic. In fact, one of those relationships is still together today. Anyway. So just be aware of that.
There is one real benefit to this relationship, because they’re duelists, they’re super incompatible. There’s a lot of interference, the cognitive functions have to travel such a long distance to get to where they’re going because they have to pass between the ego and the shadow to get where they’re going. There is one major, major, major benefit to this relationship and we’ve already basically talked about it, and it’s teaching. Both these types can learn from each other to develop each other and sharpen each other in such a way where they become absolutely amazing people, provided they’re not near each other, but when they’re near each other, the conflict creates diamonds. It creates diamonds because remember diamonds are created by pressure, right? They’re created by pressure, pain and suffering. And the amount of suffering between these two is freaking huge. And it really causes both human beings, their hearts to harden into diamonds and they literally become diamonds of human beings, sparkly, flawed, but imperfectly flawed or perfectly flawed. And which is great because that’s the best thing about diamonds is that they’re still flawed because human beings, we have to suffer in life and suffering gains as wisdom and when we gain wisdom, we become like diamonds and then we become shiny, right? And because we’re becoming shiny like diamonds, I know I could totally like play that Rihanna diamonds song right now. Someone please cue it up. one day, I’ll have a staff. Anyway just be aware of that.
And this relation of, the duality relationship is really focused on causing a lot of conflict and enough suffering because it literally is the polar opposite of a person. But when they’re forced to be around each other and forced to work with each other, forced to criticize each other, it creates this insanely negative, like it’s like a getting to magnets that just you’re trying to bring them together, but you can’t, they just keep going. But doing that actually strengthens both magnets. It makes them more effective, makes them better. So they’re really good apart, it shouldn’t bring them together, but if you do, it’ll just sharpen them and make them sharper and sharper and sharper until like they’re deadly and or effective or capable in any situation that they’re in. So just be aware that there are some benefits to the duality relationship. Now let’s talk about the top four compatible with the INFJ. So we’re actually gonna start with the top four first and work our way down to fourth. So number one, INFJ plus ENFP. Absolute fantastic relationship for INFJs. I highly recommend it. In fact, I actually recommend all four of these but I recommend this one the most. It’s because the cognitive functions are able to orbit easy without any other interference and the other cognitive functions directly across the board. It is absolutely fantastic. The INFJ knows what they want at all times, the ENFP knows what they want at all times, no conflict. The ENFP knows how they feel and the INFJ knows how the ENFP feels. They can make the ENFP feel better and make the ENFP feel worthy, no conflict, right? The INFJ always knows what they think which is great for the ENFP because the ENFP can go to the INFJ and be like, hey, what do you think about this? And the INFJ will be honest with them because the ENFP needs that honesty. The ENFP has all the reference points in the world with their TW child, but they need to verify it. Why?
Because they had TE trickster and it’s really hard to verify anything when you have TI trickster because you’re not aware of what’s true or false, logos doesn’t mean anything. You are literally an ethos bot as an ENFP, but thank God you have an INFJ around to verify what you believe. ENFPs need INFJs or TI users to help them verify what they believe in, verify their belief system is absolutely critical to what they’re trying to do and trying to accomplish. And it makes ENFPs even better. ENFPs, their subconscious as an ISTJ, it’s a walking library of Alexandria. As they read things, develop their creed, develop their belief system, they start believing whole bunch of things and then they see things are conflicted within them and that those inner conflicts based on all the information they’re bringing in can actually lead them down the course of depravity which is what we don’t want for ENFPs, we want ENFPs to stay charitable. So one of the ways to do that, they need to verify their beliefs. So they have to go to a third party, preferably an INFJ or an ENFJ, either one will work. And, there’s bugs flying around in here NFJs right? And then you verify that so that they feel good about their beliefs, that they know that their beliefs are aligned with the truth. And that’s how this relationship is super good for both of them, because the INFJ is able to feel useful and feel worthy and feel worthful and feel self-worth because of how useful they are, the most useful tool in the tool shed to the NFP or the ENFP in this case, because the INFJ is always able to share their thoughts and the INFJ all of a sudden start to feel intelligent about things because the ENFP is constantly asking them, hey, what do you think about this? Hey, what do you think about this? Hey, what do you think about this? Hey, what do you think about this? And they’re able to do that just fine. SE to SI. ENFPs are all about being comfortable. And guess what? INFJs always wanna make them comfortable. ENFPs are afraid of new experiences, they are afraid of doing things they’ve never done before, they are afraid of being outside of their comfort zone.
Well, INFJs are afraid of taking them out of their comfort zone or afraid of forcing them to do things that they’ve never done before and make them uncomfortable, so there’s no conflict. Of course, there are certain times, it’s, if there’s a romantic relationship you have an INFJ woman with an ENFP man and the man is stagnating, and he’s not asteeming himself, he’s not doing king warrior, magician lover. He’s not doing the four pillars of self intimacy properly, so he’s not taking responsibility for meeting his own needs. He lacks personal standards, he is not enforcing his personal boundaries and has no semblance of personal goals, that’s going to bother her and caused her to lose respect for him and then as a result, that INFJ is going to make him uncomfortable so that he starts to change, right? Because the INFJs purpose in life is to improve people and they’re realizing, she is realizing, an INFJ woman in that relationship that I need to improve my husband, so I’m going to make him uncomfortable and get him out there. And then, because he’s out of his comfort rut, he’ll start to learn and then, oh, he’s back on track. Thank God, he’s back on track. Yes, our family is good. We are moving closer to the future because the INFJ could see the future. And the INFJ worries about the future of the ENFP and the ENFP worries about their future as well. And they worry that they’re not going to be worthy. And because the INFJ is able to look into their future, they’re able to help them. It’s they observe with SE inferior that, oh, you’re stuck in your comfort rut. That means that you might not have a good future. If you’re not gonna have a good future, that’s gonna impact my future, so I need to look into some possible things to make your future better. And I need to make you uncomfortable so that you’re out of your comfort ruts, so you get back into a better future and that way I know my future is secure and you’re feeling good about yourself and you’re verifying your beliefs and, you see what I’m saying? It’s just so synergistic. Like they’re literally orbiting around each other. They finish each other’s sentences, they’re in each other’s minds, they read each other like a book, an open book. It is absolutely fantastic. I recommend this relationship big time for INFJs. So FI critic, the INFJ feels bad about themselves. Often they walk around really critical towards their self-worth and because they’re so critical towards their own self-worth, they, walk around believing that they’re a bad person by default. They walk around believing they’re worthless or useless. Well, guess what? ENFPs criticize the FI critic. So there’s no conflict there. And the ENFP actually teaches the FI critic, hey, stop being so critical about your self-worth, I feel good about you, you make me comfortable. Why do you feel bad if you’re making me comfortable?
If I feel good about you all the time, what’s your problem INFJ? And the INFJ is, oh yeah, you’re right. I guess I really am useful. And it’s because the ENFP remembers every single good thing the INFJ has ever done for the ENFP and can list that with TE child back to the INFJ and the INFJ is like, wow, I really did do a good job. Oh, I’ll stop feeling so bad, I’ll stop feeling so worthless. Thank God for that. ENFPs can really keep INFJs on track and INFJs can keep ENFPs from getting depraved, ENFPs can help INFJs keeping from being corrupted. It is dope. So then we have TI trickster, I talk about the lack of verification and INFJs are not really, they don’t really, believe systems don’t mean anything to them, just truth does either. Ethos is everything to an ENFP, logos is everything to an INFJ. INFJs are thinkers ENFPs are feelers, even though INFJs have an F up here, that doesn’t really mean anything because they have TI child. They have a source of T, which is an introverted T function in their top 4 functions, that means they are a thinker. Okay, I know it says INF but the F doesn’t really mean much. They are any thinker, but ENFPs are feelers because they have FI in their top four. If it was FE in the top four, then they would technically be a thinker because FE means there’s also TI in the top four because there aren’t in axis with each other, right? If you need to know more about that, watch my lecture series on cognitive access. Okay. Because the functions like orbit around each other and then they orbit around other people. And it’s just this amazing atomic system with electrons and protons and things orbiting around nucleuses and atoms, and it’s just, and it’s like solar systems and it’s awesome. So also the INFJ doesn’t really care very much about their past, and ENFP doesn’t care about their past either, so the ENFP is not really gonna delve into the past of the INFJ but the INFJ is going to delve in the past of the ENFP, which really helps. And because of that, the ENFP ends up being super, super mega loyal to the INFJ and is giving everything in the INFJ needs.
This is the friendship to get, I recommend it. Also, I recommend the INFP for INFJs. This is also the friendship to get. It’s basically the exact same as the ENFP relationship. The difference is that there is some built in humility here because the INFJ is super, super willful but the INFP is responsible about managing the wills of others. So the INFP can provide just, the ENFP could definitely warn the INFJ but the INFP can even provide more precise pessimism about future stuff to the INFJ and provide that INFJ warnings. And it can really help. It’s like the hermit helping the sage because the INFJ is the sage type, the dreamer is very hermitage. And it’s kinda interesting how that works. And the INFPs is insanely moral but sometimes their morals could get corrupted because that’s correct by their ethos and then the INFJ who knows a lot about correction, uses their FE parent to remind the flying hero, hey, you’re actually doing a bad job right now because there’s collateral damage to what you’re doing, you should probably slow your roll. And the the FI hero, is like, oh yeah, you’re right. Because TE inferior sees the damage I’m doing to the children. I’ll stop doing that and I’ll listen to you. And because of that, there’s built in respect and built in humility amongst the functions. And as a result, they can have a great relationship, a similar relationship to INFJ and ENFP. It’s almost identical, except there’s built in humility and respect, mutual respect to the functions here, here and here. That the difference is though that built in humility, respect it’s not there by default for INFJ and ENFP which can create conflict in certain cases, the fireworks and all the benefits are on like super mega high with INFJ plus ENFP. But the negatives could also be just super high and super explosive but as long as the ENFP remains loyalty INFJ and as long as the INFJ remains patient and is not going to door slam the ENFP, they can always talk it out, they can always have a resolution, it just takes patience, it just takes truth, logos, patience and then it also, basically all their functions have a role in that situation when the conflict arise and, ENFPs just need verification of their beliefs.
And INFJs need to not feel worthless all the time or useless all the time. They need to be reminded that, they just need that loyalty for example, and ENFPs need to remain comfortable. Just like INFPs need to remain comfortable for INFJs. Remember, NFPs do not care about what’s true for themselves. They care about what’s true with others but they do not care about what’s true for themselves. They feel about the truth, their feelings are attached to what beliefs are. Everything is about what they believe about what is true or false, it’s not about what is actually true or false. That’s an INFJ thing, that’s a logos thing, that is not ethos, right? So they’re very ethos focused, so be aware of that. Now INFJ, ESTJ, this is a fun one. This is number three on the social compatibility list. It is also the most common marriage for INFJs that I have seen other than like, INTPs actually. INFJs and INTPs get together a lot, but INFJ, ESTJ is the most common marriage that I’ve seen in the United States of America. And actually there’s this one ESTJ girl who had, she was a model and she was on Instagram or whatever, and some guy who is an INFJ started talking her up saying, hey, wow, you’re really beautiful. You’re pretty fantastic, you’re an inspiration to me. And he just said that one time and then all of a sudden like three weeks later, he had to go to a conference for work, and then she put posts on her Instagram that she was also going to that same conference and then he messaged her and he’s like, wow, I didn’t know you’re gonna be at the conference. This would be amazing, I get to see you at the conference, what’s your booth number? And then they met, they hit it off and they’re married now. Right. And of course, this INFJ guy, he’s actually been, she’s been teaching him about how to do stuff in the gym and he’s actually pretty buff now and they’re super healthy and it’s a really great relationship. All because they have this thing where they can actually improve each other, it was self-development, it’s because the children are assisting the heroes, riding on the backs of the heroes, heroes are flying say around the world and they’re like TE hero really develops TI, super strong set of beliefs, but verified by TI nemesis, helps TI child develop itself, so it continues to verify and whatnot. And TI nemesis also kind of sets a boundary for which INFJs can operate because INFJs lack the ethos but they have a boundary with which they can work in and that’s an ethos boundary and they could be all logos E inside, right? And the ESTJ provides that, the ESTJ reduces chaos in the life of the INFJ and they just really appreciate it. And it’s always a plan and there’s no question as to what’s happening. Although NFPs are really great at plans as well. INFJs need plans, they suck making the plans. NFPs don’t really need plans but they’re really great at making plans. So they end up making the plan for the INFJ to execute. And it’s kind of very similar here with this relationship with the ESTJ makes that for the INFJ and the ESTJ any child is all about giving what the NI hero wants, and SI parent likes to receive the experience from the Se inferior and SI parent doesn’t make SE inferior feel insecure.
SI parents are very patient with SE inferior and it’s very specific about the kind of experience it wants to receive from the INFJ, especially in the bedroom and there’s a lot of communication here so that the SE inferior is never afraid after a while that the parent is not getting uncomfortable with it. So it really has no issue there. And then FE parent also does the same thing for FI inferior. FI inferior feels very insecure about his self worth. ESTJs walk around afraid that they’re bad people but the FE parent helps teach them that they’re not, they don’t need to be afraid to be bad people. Not only that, the cognitive functions have everything they need in the top four, and within the ego, they don’t have to go down to the shadow so it’s also pretty awesome. Same thing INFJ, ENFP and INFJ, INFP, super same thing. And yeah, down here, expert intuition is always worried about the intentions, worried that the ESTJ would betray them, but that would never happen because the ESTJ never does what they want ever. So that is not even an issue. The INFJ doesn’t have to worry about the ESTJ betraying them because the ESTJ is hardcore loyal to SI parent, and has no concept of wanting anything else anyway because they’re so bent on just having the INFJ around at all times, because that’s what they’re used to. ENFPs and INFPs are super similar, but, it’s how comfortable the INFJ is. The NFPs are not just loyal to any one, so INFJs may have to put in a little bit more effort to make their NFPs comfortable but it will really, really last longer and resonate longer and has so many more benefits, and the NFPs react to all of the sensations in a very pleasurable way to what the INFJ is doing. Even if it’s just jewelry that the INFJs making themselves and then adorning it on their bodies or wearing it around their wrist or whatever really cool jewelry or if it’s the music they’re making, these types are super sensitive to that. They have really higher sensitivity for it and they react to it and it gives joy to the NFJ. STJs it’s similar, but not as much because SI parents are very pessimistic in that regard. And sure SI inferior is pessimistic but SE inferior is also pessimistic, so it kind of doesn’t matter because they cancel each other out ’cause they’re both on the same spectrum. When I talk about spectrum, watch my video on, my lecture on cognitive spectra. What are the eight cognitive spectra, just shows you how our cognitive functions are like radios tuning into each other transceiver mode, et cetera. Very important. Crap, we’re getting up to 50 minutes here. Maybe I really am gonna make an hour. So anyway. So TI, so, okay, hold on, where are we at here?
And INFJs are just unaware of what ESTJs think, but ESTJs already worried about what they think about anyways. So, there’s really no conflict there. And then SE critic is not really going to give SI demon a bad experience unless the INFJ really deserves it, like they dress wrong, or they’re walking around with their shoes untied, if they’re being unsafe, the ESTJ will call them out on it. So it’s not really that big of an issue. And the ESTJ doesn’t really care about how other people feel, but the INSJ already kind of feels worthless anyways. So the Fe demon aren’t really gonna do much to critic anyway because the critic’s already expecting that kind of abuse or that kind of a hit from people. So no issue. INFJ plus ISTJ, super similar to the ESTJ. Except, like imagine the same kind of relationship, except the heroes and it could have some huge benefits for self-development for both types. The problem is there is a risk because the hero has so much more forced than the parent function with INFJ and ESTJ, you have FE parent and SI parent, but then you have NI hero an SI hero interfacing directly, directly with the inferior functions. And they can be crushed, those inferior functions could be crushed under that weight. So how to deal with that? Well, if they have higher, if they have a pretty good maturity and pretty good, or not camaraderie, but development in this area, they can find themselves, it could be actually really beneficial because the hero’s leading the way and developing the inferior function in a better, and you always wanna develop your inferior function because it gives you access, it’s the gateway function into your subconscious and by getting access to your subconscious, you become the better version of yourself, right? And it’s the next step towards enlightenment. You have to be able to master all of your gateway functions in your mind in order to reach enlightenment. Because what that does is it gets all four sides of your mind in perfect balance with each other and you’re able to bounce around all four sides of your mind. Yes, you live in your ego predominantly, or you’re able to use your subconscious, your unconscious, your super ego all the time and they’re in agreement with each other, they’re not in conflict or you’re listening to them when they are in conflict and you’re able to exude wisdom as a result.
And that is enlightenment when your mind is balanced and in harmony with each other and you don’t have inner conflict anymore because all four sides of your mind are focused together on accomplishing things themselves. It’s when you have the four human beings that are literally inside your mind, they’re no longer fighting each other for dominance, but they’re working with each other, you have inner unity. That is what enlightenment is. And in order to do that, you have to master your gateway functions. Gateway functions are the hero, the inferior, ’cause the hero is the gateway to the ego, the inferior is the gateway to the subconscious, the nemesis is the gateway into the unconscious and the demon function, also known as the parasite is the gateway to the superego. If you master those four gateway functions, you can become your enlightened self, you can become your absolute best self that you could possibly get, right? Within the context of being like an INFJ for example or any of the 16 types. So this relationship, really, it can either crush the inferior functions and really inhibit each other, or they can be super supportive of the inferior functions and actually make them there. I will say though, I don’t really often see romantic relationships of INFJ plus ISTJ that much but friendship wise or even professional relationship wise, it is absolutely amazing because the ISTJ just has this super huge mastery, library Alexandria, mastery of documentation and they’re super organized and they’re very consistent and it makes everything so much easier for the INFJ to be in that situation. Although the ISTJ is a little afraid of what the INFJ wants all the time because they’re very wanty, but at the same time, the INFJ is afraid of giving the ISTJ a bad experience. So there is some back and forth there. At the same time, the INFJ is worried that the ESTJ, or the ISTJ will screw them over one day which is not gonna happen because ISTJs are all about duty, they don’t care about what they want at all. And they’re also worried. And ISTJs are also kind of worried that the INFJ won’t be loyal to them in some ways. It’s just this is weird loyalty conflict, but reality is that INFJ actually really wants to seek the ISTJ’s approval. And so the ISTJ says, I feel good about you. I’m getting a good experience about you, let’s continue to be friends, right? I will continue to be loyal to you because you do all these great things for me. And I have this huge list because I’m keeping track of everything you do. Which happens all the time because SI hero literally remembers everything in the same way SI parent does, SI child, and SI inferior does, because these four types, they all just remember all the things and it’s awesome. And it keeps the INFJ, like the INFJs literally, it will take these four types and turn them into walking totems. Like totems from “Inception” totem as being like containers of memories, a picture on a wall, that’s a totem, right? Because you look at the picture, and then SE user is able to look at the photo and be reminded to get all of the memories back from that moment in time. Because it’s a totem. And human beings, SI users are walking totems because SE etches the SI of that person’s soul and it’s a permanent edge, it is a permanent edge. And that person will always remember and feel that etching from the SE user, which is really great for INFJ’s ’cause SE inferior is etching SI users so that SI users always remember them, and they’re never forgotten.
Anyway, this concludes this episode of social compatibility on INFJs, season 12, episode 13. If you found this lecture educational, useful, insightful, enlightening, please leave a subscribe. Please subscribe to the channel here on YouTube and on the podcast and leave a like while you’re at it. If you have any questions about INFJs, please leave it in the comment section, I’ll do my best to answer your questions. Please note that I am traveling to Seattle this week, so lectures may be kind of intermittent but I should still keep it up and we’ll see how that goes. I’ll be doing some more type comparisons and I’m also going to be doing more lectures on the human nurture series, season 13 that we’re doing about the mature masculine and the mature feminine as well. So awesome. Otherwise, thanks for being my audience, you’re fantastic. Thanks for being patient with me. INFJ’s, especially when I’m doing negative things, said about you and I’m doing positive things I said about you, I realized that’s how it is. But again, it’s all part of a grander narrative. So regardless, I’m very thankful for all of you and I’m grateful as well. So, with all that being said, see you guys next time.
