8 Rules for loving an ESFP | Season 27 | CS Joseph

CS Joseph outlines 8 Rules for loving an ESFP.

Transcript:

Welcome to the CS Joseph podcast. I’m your host CS Joseph and this is season 26. Episode Six, the eight rules for love for ESFPs. So, ESFPs are a very fascinating type.

They’re my super ego. And I mean, if I was going to be in a sexual relationship with them, it would be a relationship that’s really around like a hyper high amount of, of growth, to the point where it would just be like, Oh, hey, let’s constantly just get on each other’s nerves and treat the other person like they’re a child, basically. Because you know, the intp is fine ESFPs, childish. And so also do while they ESFPs find ENTPs completely childish as well, it can be a huge problem.

But in terms of the relationship overall, it’s known as the refinement relationship, we are constantly refining each other, it’s, it’s what the super ego relationship is all about, right? It’s about refinements, but having been married to an ESFP. In the past, I really have like this perspective about them, you know, through my refinement, of being married to an ESFP for 11 years. And it’s really, like kind of allowed me to create, you know, you know, the set of rules for actually loving ESFPs. Because, oftentimes, you know, they seem so simple, but they’re actually extremely complex.

They’re, they are very complex people. And a lot of people out there just aren’t really aware of these complexities. I mean, obviously, you know, we’re looking at their function stack, they obviously have strengths and weaknesses, some of the weaknesses is being afraid of making decisions because they don’t want all of the doors close versus one of the doors closing. So if they open one door, that means all the others close, but what they need to realize as soon as they go through that door, this will be a whole nother set of doors with a whole lot more options.

But for some reason he is FPS just aren’t that aware of the fact that new options are created every time they lose options. And they’re always trying to hold on to those options all the time. And then that’s how they themselves can stagnate, that’s a it’s like a really bait. It’s a bad habit for an NI inferior es teepees have the same problem.

But the thing is, is that ESFPs, because they’re so journey oriented with being a progression type, and always constantly trying to go on a journey, it can hold them back, because they’re not entirely sure that that’s the journey they want to go on. Because they don’t want to waste their time going on a journey. Although they don’t mind to go on the journey, they want to make sure that the journey they go on is the right journey. There’s nothing really wrong with that, but it can get in the way of their life.

And, you know, when it comes to eight roles, for love, it’s really important to understand, you know, needs versus once you know, when you’re considering, you know, the cognitive function stack of a particular type. And ESF peas are no different. You know, obviously, we know that they have extroverted sensing hero, this is, you know, viewable in season three, for example, I think it’s season three, Episode Six as well. And they have se hero, which means they constantly are craving attention, craving attention, that’s a huge deal, but the want would be like they would really want loyalty.

Their FYI parent, they really want to have the opportunity to vent and just be heard, it doesn’t matter if they don’t really care as much about another person like listening to them as much as it is they just want someone to hear them out. It’s in their emotional frustration, even even some of their successes of their achievements, with with you know, things that they value, et cetera, they really want to be able to share that and have this I don’t know bounce ideas off this you know, bouncing board you know, like other people around them, etc. You know, te child while it wants fame, it really just needs to be respected and regarded and not slandered, etc. And I inferior again, always given a choice never had its choices taken away never had its freedom removed.

Okay. Very basic things that we’re aware of. You know, and that’s just their ego, but don’t forget, you know, there’s a shadow as well. But like, if I was really go about, you know, making rules for love, it’s, it can be difficult, you know, to kind of understand the direction of which people need to be loved and ESFPs don’t exactly make it easy.

And one of the reasons is that while they understand what they value, it’s been in my experience, if they have an extremely hard time actually communicating and articulating what they need, or even what they want, they have an extremely difficult time. And then sometimes if you pressure them too much, they’ll feel like they’re under so much pressure that they’ll just give up, they’ll just shut down. So it ends up becoming like this huge pressure management system when it comes to ESFPs. Because they really do buckle under pressure, as much as ESFPs, especially ESFP.

Men like to look strong, like to look like the head honcho, or the alpha, or the chief of the village or all this is they’re really just a paper tiger in those cases, because the reality of the situation, while that’s how they look, they really do buckle under pressure, because they’re more willing to give up the most of the other 16 types on certain things, on even potentially most things unless they intrinsically actually insanely care about it, or they know that it is a responsibility to take on like, for example, raising children that they’re just not going to give up on because from their point of view, there is no choice, they don’t have a choice. Right. And it’s, it’s difficult to really differentiate, you know, as to what level of growth and ESFP is actually, you know, undergoing in that stage of life, that can be a huge problem. But in general, though, like, when it comes to like eight rules for love, there are basically eight rules that you can follow when it comes to ESFPs.

And from there, you know, it will give you like, general success in relationships, general success. So the first rule, and trying to like not be as long winded in these other episodes, because we’ve gotten a huge amount of complaints about these being very long winded man, and I totally understand but but you know, the first rule is, is that like, make sure that you are healthfully leveraging your own attention. Because ESFPs crave attention, they need attention. And sometimes, they also need you to be willing to drop everything you’re doing right then and there and just stop for a second and just hear them out.

And that kind of combined with the second rule of like, make sure that they are always heard you give them an opportunity to vent. If because here’s the thing, if you if you really take away their voice, they’re definitely gonna take away your voice. And if you’re with an ESFP, you’re likely a TI user. And ESFPs are very good at tuning you out.

They’re very good at Gosh, what is it? Just kind of like ignoring you. They’re extremely good at ignoring you. They’re like, yeah, yeah, whatever. And they’re just gonna go on to their own little mental world after that, or just completely mentally retreat away from you.

You don’t want to find yourself in that situation. And one of this so So really, the first rule is, is like, provide your attention. But then also, like make sense, some demonstrations of loyalty while you do it, you really, they really do need somebody to just kind of stop what they’re doing for a second. And they need the ability to come into a room and interrupt you or whoever they’re in a sexual relationship with an interrupt that person to cause that person to stop what they’re doing and be interrupted that moment.

So that they can basically tell that person how they feel about something, it could be a success, or it could be venting about some negative thing. It doesn’t matter. But literally like, you know, it’s like a it’s like the stop, drop and roll. Relationship.

ESFPs need their partners to stop, drop and roll when it comes to that partner’s attention. Because especially ESFP men, it’s extremely important for ESFP women at the air ESFP men that the women in our lives are respectful enough to them such that they’re willing to just completely just stop what they’re doing, divert all their attention away from what they were doing, and point their own Introverted Sensing onto their ESFP man, and their ESFP man needs to know and feel that they are receiving her all of her attention. Because one of the things that irritates them the most, is that they’re like, Hey, I’m contributing this to you. I got my ISFJ shadow.

I’m very interested base. I’m kind of really aware of what I’m getting out of this relationship compared to what you are. And I’m giving you a lot and you don’t even give me the time of day to like actually give me attention. Really, why am I in a relationship then? And that’s literally the fastest way to completely demotivate an ESFP within the context of relationship.

You want to demotivate them. You want them to like stop wanting you. You want them to like not desire you anymore. will stop giving them attention then, Oh, you want to be wanted by your ESFP you want to be desired by your ESF.

You want to be sought out by your ESFP you want them to continue to show you new things and give new experiences and make sure that your life isn’t boring. Well then you need to give them more attention. It really it really comes down to attention attention is the defining the defining thing about the relationship Another aspect of attention being the first rule of giving them attention is that you kind of like you can actually go even further you can, you can even kind of make a little hypersexual a little bit too, you can you can get to the point where you’re like, hey, you know, little ESFP. Like, guess what, I’m gonna reminisce all these amazing times that we’ve had in the past.

Reminiscing is literally how it is, it is the key, if you got past good memories, that ESFP it is the key to getting into their pants, you just start reminiscing about old things that you used to do together. And they’re like, oh, wow, that was fun, that was amazing, etc. Let’s go do this, blah, blah, blah. And that’s kind of that’s kind of what it comes down to.

It’s, it’s a very fascinating, very fascinating thing. And a lot of people just aren’t even aware of that, you know, and I hope people continue to get more aware of that, especially since we’re gonna be releasing our How to bulletproof your relationship against breakups course, very soon, it’s gonna be releasing on February 12, we’re about to announce it, I hope you guys like it and check it out. There’s going to be early bird pricing, which will be available on February 1. And because like the course when it is released on the 12th of February, it’s gonna be like 100 bucks.

But if you guys want to have a huge discount, before that happens, you’re probably going to want to get in on the early bird pricing before like release on the first of February. And trust me, it’s going to have like 6163 different videos, visual aids, all sorts of documents and whatnot, as well as an exercise that you can take your partner through, to basically help bulletproof your relationship against breakups. This is all about keeping families together. It’s about keeping relationships going all in time for Valentine’s Day, basically.

So that’s coming up around the corner. Okay, hashtag commercial over. So again, with attention, just remember, you can always, you can always accentuate the attention, you know, by adding in some reminiscence and reminiscing about past times, and especially if you want to go sexual, you start reminiscing about good sexual memories that you’ve had, that you have shared with the ESF p because that is like the fastest way to make an ESFP horny, like, oh my god like that se hero. And it’s optimistic mode.

Like they just they just can’t help themselves. They’re just like, ah, you know what I’m saying. So that’s, that’s, that’s the first rule. The second rule for love is, obviously we’ve been talking about them being heard.

But really, the thing is, is that you have to understand that if I parent is it’s still, it’s still pessimistic, and it’s a lot easier for them to identify what they don’t value versus what they do value over over time. And you really need to present what you think is true to them in a way where it gives them an opportunity to decide for themselves whether or not they actually value what you’re saying. Which means you have to be willing to listen to their feedback, actually more like hear their feedback, they need to felt that the you that that they have all the room in the world to provide you feedback, positive or negative, enabling or disabling it doesn’t matter to you, and that you can take it, and that you’ll actually spend time thinking about it, like they’ll actually understand like, because they’re not going to share something that’s very important and very integral to them, the things that they value the most, they’re not going to share that with you, unless they understand that you’re actually going to provide strong consideration for it. It’s a really, really big deal.

And sometimes though, it just gets, regardless of how silly because sometimes let’s be honest, like ESFP feelings can be completely silly. ESFP feelings can be entirely unfair, and unfounded, consistently. Oh, my God, it’s, it’s crazy. It’s horrible.

It’s life. But the reality of the situation is, it’s it’s a thing. It’s, it’s just how they are. And if you don’t have the patience to sit there, and allow them to actually share their values, even if they’re ridiculous.

And you’re not going to like make them feel that way, then they’re going to have nothing to do with you. So like, you really have to when they’re sharing with you about what they feel about something, you’re gonna have to sit there through the entire process. It’s already hard enough for them to like, figure out what it is what they want to articulate anyway. Because they have ti trickster.

Articulation is extremely difficult for an ESFP. Do you think and ESF P is actually very capable at public speaking, very few of them are and there are some that are very good at public speaking, but there’s very few of them who are actually good at public speaking. So it’s a really, really big deal that if they’re going to that if they’re going to bother to articulate to you that you’re their partner, how they feel that you need to be ready to take it on and actually take it in and actually you know realize, okay, this is what this person values. But at the same time, you also need to be ready to present them a choice of potential other values that they could consider as well if you want to offer a counterpoint.

But here’s the thing. Rule number two is all about being able to take their feedback. And sometimes their feedback can be extremely scathing. It’s an FYI parent, it’s going to parent you.

And their feedback can be really scathing. And that’s one of the things that I actually regret about my first marriage is that I completely violated rule two, I completely violated it. Had I known this, I would have behaved things very differently, I would have actually known that when she was actually articulating how she felt about something, that it was a really big deal. And I shouldn’t have just ti parent her and see it and seeing her as this like really childish person, like, oh, well, your feelings are unfounded, your feelings aren’t fair this year, your feelings are ridiculous, why am I going to bother listening to you, because then it just makes FYI parent feel completely dismissed, which just inhibits her ability to even articulate more about how she feels later, which ends up causing the relationship to break down.

Okay. So again, rule number two, like you, you really need to make sure that you’re not violating that, if they’re going to, if they’re bothering to articulate the feelings, you need to be willing to take that feedback. Because if you’re not going to take that feedback, and you’re not going to take it like an adult, instead of be childish, like I was, guess what, they’re not going to give you any more feedback. And then you yourself are basically set up for failure, and then they’re gonna blame you for failing later, even though they never actually articulated their problem with you.

Because they know, because you don’t take their feedback. That’s it, have the patience to take their feedback, okay, that’s rule to pretty simple rule theory. Okay? These people are opinionated, they are all opinions, they have opinions about everything. I mean, seriously, this pen, they have an opinion about this pen, this is a Pilot G 210.

It’s like ink coming out of a quill, when I write with it, I love it. Okay, but like, they’re probably going to tell me that a Pilot G two, five, or Pilot G two, seven is better. Because they have an opinion, they have an opinion on literally everything, and you can’t get away from it. And if you’re not going to be able to actually let them share their opinion with you, they’re going to take away your voice.

Like, again, they’re going to dismiss you. Because if they feel like their opinion, or their input is not even valuable to you, that you’re not even going to consider it, they’re not even going to ponder their input not even a little bit, and that you’re just going to dismiss them guess what they’re gonna do. They’re just going to treat you like you’re an idiot. They’re not ever going to listen to you ever again, you’re going to be completely dismissed.

And they’re gonna be like, well, they obviously don’t care about my values. Wow, they’re obviously not going to be interested in like potentially thinking about things differently. Because the thing is, is that T child just like, Oh, crap, I don’t want my partner to be thinking in terms of an echo chamber all the time. You see what I’m saying? It’s ridiculous.

You don’t want that. You don’t want that in your life. They don’t want that. No, I’ve been trying to get away from that consistently.

You see what I’m saying? The reason that they’re even in a relationship with you to begin with, is because you listen to their opinion, you may have been the only person in their life that actually cared about their opinion or listen to their opinion. Okay, your TI users. And let me tell you something te users are very good at listening to TI users. Ti users are really terrible at listening to Te users.

Okay? This is why I tell ti inferiors and ti child to practice listening because at least ti parent can listen decently. Although te critic gets in the way you think ti hero can listen very well. Tip parent really is the best listening of the TI users. But even then, it still sucks.

Let me tell you I know because I am one. Okay. And ti inferior is the absolute worst at listening tn furious, some of the more emotionally compatible with an ESF P. And yet they’re like the worst that listening of all the types where they have this problem where it’s like, oh, I expect everybody else to listen to me, but I’m not gonna listen anyone.

And then the ESF P just is like, well, you’re just ignorant. You’re just in this echo chamber. You’re just making decisions based on preferred information or old information. And I’m trying to update you right now.

What the hell’s your problem? Get out of your freaking comfort zone. And do you think that’s going to make their se hero feel safe, because all of a sudden they realize your attention is on your own thoughts and not their input. So they’re just not going to bother saying and this also further inhibits their ability to articulate anything to you. I destroyed my first wife’s voice in the relationship.

I was ridiculous in this area. I fully admit it. I regret it. You know, and it’s kind of interesting.

Because I just found out that her ISFJ boyfriend, who who is her golden pair, he’s actually watching my videos recently and actually learning about the science which I feel honored that he’s doing this I have great respect for the man and in a lot of ways I kind of wish I was a little bit more like him as I develop my is FJ subconscious. But you know, I even told him recently like, look, yeah, dude, like, honestly, because we’ve been exchanging emails about this topic, and I told him straight up and unsolicited from him, I just told him like, look, this is why I maintain you are much better man for her than I ever was. Because that’s just reality. You know, I can’t like, like it, my TI parent with her was so bad that I was trying to change her all the time.

And she didn’t even want to change. You know, as far as like my current marriage, it’s a little bit different. Like, I will offer criticism to my wife, and she’ll actually, she’ll try to change etc. But I’m not saying that she’s like, you know, better in terms of like, in terms of character in that regard, you know, compared to my first five, I’m not comparing them, so don’t think I am.

But but the point is, is that like, it’s different. I did that typical ESFP super ego II and TP superego relationship, which a relationship refinement, what I was trying to refine my first wife, but here’s the situation. That’s not what she needed in her life. Clearly, she needed a relationship of affection.

And the relationship of affection is a golden pair. Okay, that’s the affection relationship. And that’s what he provides to her. And the eight rules for love, definitely support showing affection of their partner.

And he naturally does it just by virtue of him being an iossef J, you see what I’m saying, folks? The fourth rule, never take away and ESFPs choice, it’s so obvious. Never take away their freedom. Never take away choice. And even if you’re an SI user, who realizes there’s only one actual choice that they can take, present them options and make it obvious that the choice that you want them to take is the choice that they need to take and will want to take anyway.

Or you can always perform the Santos Gambit, the Santos Gambit is you go to an NI user and you present them choices and no matter what choice they pick, it still benefits you in the end, that’s a Santos Gambit. Really, literally, it just goes without being said Do not take away the freedom of their infant, their infant inferior and I it is like a baby. It needs its diaper changed. It needs its bottle, it needs some rocking, you know, it needs to be put the bed on Nice, nice.

It’s a baby. Okay. But when you give babies everything they want, guess what? They’re very happy, and good. But if you don’t give what and I in theory wants freedom.

All of a sudden, the house is burning because se hero is out raging over the fact that the infant is crying because se hero cannot handle the fact that the infant is crying because the hero hates crying babies. It’s been the hero for so long saving the world. It saved many crying babies. It’s tired of listening to crying folks give the ESF P choices all the time.

Rule five comes from their Nemesis function. You know what, if you’re an SI user in a relationship with an ENFP, I know how easy it is to put your own personal comfort over over an ESFP. But don’t forget ESFPs make sacrifices with their ni Nemesis to and they worry about their comfort. But they are often sacrificing their comfort via cognitive orbit into extroverted sensing hero to give you a better experience to make you comfortable all the time.

And they’re primarily doing this. So if you actually think about it, they’re technically sacrificing their comfort more for you than you realize, okay, that’s like a problem, or is it like you see what I’m saying? Look, folks, if you’re an SI user, you need to be willing to at least sacrifice your comfort, and be willing to share your comfort with an ESFP share your own comfort us Rule five, be aware that they need comfort, too. They need comfy too, they need clean too. They’re just not really good at it.

Good luck training and ESFP to turn a light off when they leave the room or shut the door when they leave a room or put their clothes in the hamper. Or, you know like or don’t leave a mess in the bathroom like they need comfort to they need help. And this is why they’re supposed to be with Sj types. Because s j’s are all about servitude.

And Sj is clean all the time. And it really helps relieve a lot of the pressure that the ESFP is if the ESFP ends up feeling responsible for an insanely dirty environment and they’re just making it dirty year by the minute, that pressure is going to get to their heads and then they’re just going to explode. Or they’re going to actually shut down more accurately, they’ll just shut down and just give up and throw their hands up and everything’s just gonna get worse. And then you yourself the SI user is going to get even more uncomfortable.

You’re gonna start blaming them and it’s just gonna turn into a devolving cycle that’s just going to destroy your relationship. You can’t do that. Okay. Remember, they need comfort to, they also worry about the past, they become very nostalgic.

And like I was saying previously, you know, when it comes to giving them attention, this is an area where you can reminisce. And by reminiscing and making the hero happy, because of cognitive orbit, the fifth function, their si function will become happy to tell you gotta do, it’s pretty easy, like, extremely easy. Like, there’s no issue there. Moving Beyond that, though, let’s move beyond the next the next rule.

And this is their Fe critic. Be honest about what you actually value. Now, like, if you’re an INFJ, they’re golden parents is really hard, because INFJs are very good at being aware of what they don’t value. And it’s very difficult for them to be aware of what they actually value because they’re constantly like, you know, trying to not worry, but don’t self deprecate so much around Fe critical just piss them off.

Because ESF peas see their partners as investments, and they want really good return on investment. And if you’re being self deprecating around them, it’s like, wow, you just completely ruined and wasted all of my investment in you. Great. And then that just makes it makes them insecure, it makes them feel like that there makes them worry that all their effort that they spent on you is wasted.

It also means like, Okay, do I really want to be in the relationship anymore, and it just adds unnecessary fear. Okay? Be completely honest with what you value with yourself, their Fe critic wants you to be honest with yourself, and then be honest with them after the fact. But Fe critic will be very aware of when you’re not honest with certain things. And another thing is, is that si users this, and this, they will criticize si users that they’re partners with, who end up getting obligated and then dragging them down with them because of those obligations.

And that ends up causing their infants diaper to fall off. And, and then they have a blowout their infant function as a blowout. And all of a sudden, it’s like, okay, crap. Literally, I, you know, my freedoms being taken away, because you net, you took away my choice.

And you can’t do that. Be honest with yourself in terms of what you value. If you don’t know what you value, talk to them about it make use of their FYI parent, they will help you find what you value, because they will tell you what they value and why and how and what they you know, what they value, they’ll tell you what they will communicate with you. And it also helped him practice articulation, so that they become more articulate in the process.

And then if you adopt those values, guess what, their Fe critic is not going to have that much problems with you. So if you don’t know what your values are, so the rule is the rule is, is share your values if you don’t know what your values are, talk with them about their values and consider adopting their values because then the FE critic is not going to be there. Also, the FE critic has a problem of like judging who deserves what, but so also do like Crusaders, for example, who are typically in a relationship with ESFPs, that Fe critic can play God because it’s like, well, that person doesn’t deserve that. And Crusaders are always constant talking about who deserves what, and they’re always playing God, I’m being super judgmental.

I do it all the time. And I’m a hypocrite. And I’m just letting you know, and it’s really dumb that we do it, but we do. And it’s done.

And they hate it. My first wife hated it. Yep. Don’t blame her.

So but but that’s, that’s, that’s the thing, right? Like, you really just gotta get into, into that mindset of like, you know, be be honest with your value system. If you don’t know your value system is I don’t care if you have si trickster, you need to figure that out. That’s why you have F e functions. If you’re in a relationship with a partner, and you’re an FE user, use your Fe function, everyone has an FE function, just have to learn how to use it on campus, an FE demon not that an FE demon would be in a relationship with an ENFP.

I mean, maybe an ES TJ would get with an ESF P. Because that’s the Benefactor relationship. That’s the relationship that’s based on trust, basically. So if they’re ever lacking in trust in our life, they’d want to have a trust based relationship.

And that would be the Benefactor relationship. But that’s, I mean, that can happen. But again, you still have to be working hard to really meet that Fe critic need, because here’s the thing, Fe critic will oftentimes see that it itself is being taken advantage of. It’s one of the reasons why there’s so interest based even the ENFP whoo hoo also has Fe critic, they also feel like they’re being taken advantage of.

And that can be a huge problem, too. You have to be aware of that distinction. And that dichotomy, you don’t want to be that person, okay? So make sure you’re aware of that. Make sure you’re saving against that.

So be honest about what you value. And if you don’t know what you value, then find out what they value and determine whether or not you’re going to adopt their value system. And if you don’t like their value system, tell them that so they can change their value system and then adopt that standard. That’s all it is.

Otherwise, they’re gonna feel like you’re taking advantage of them or that they’re An investment in you is an absolute waste. You want to prevent that, trust me. The next thing is the next rule, which is pretty obvious. Don’t ask an ESFP what they actually truly think don’t ask them to know the truth, they’re only going to talk about their beliefs and obviously respect their beliefs.

But just don’t don’t put that pressure on them. They’re not there to think for you unit, you, hopefully are a TI user, you need to learn how to think for yourself. And if you’re not a TI user, you need to get in, you’re in a relationship with an ENFP, you need to get other ti users in your life that you rely to ask what they think about things and pick their brains. Don’t try to pick the brain of the ENFP, because you’re just going to end up causing them to feel stupid, which is what you don’t want them to feel like that also could potentially destroy the relationship.

Don’t do that. Don’t ask them what they think. Just ask them what they value, or ask them their opinion. And literally change your language.

Always, when you’re asking them, Hey, do you value this? Or hey, what’s your opinion? Never asked, never say the words, what do you think about this? That’s their job, they’re gonna ask you what you think. And you need to respond with I think, even if you’re an SI user, and you would naturally say I feel this or I value this, you need to change your words for them. And instead say, Well, I think this, even though you’re really saying, I feel this, because you’re an fi user, pretend to be the TI user. It’s all about emulation, folks, you got to emulate with these people, okay, you have to emulate with anyone that you’re in a sexual relationship with, that’s just reality, okay? You have to be able to meet that need, because, like, they don’t know what they think.

And you don’t want them to feel stupid. Sometimes they feel huge shame over being ti trickster and not being able to finish a thought in their head, because they’re just another stereotype and having a hard time finishing anyway, pay attention to that. And then the final rule, do not make your relationship or do not state what you want. Okay, don’t tell your ESFP what you want, because as soon as you tell them what they want, they will naturally make sure you don’t get it.

Always hide what you want, always hide your intentions, away from the ESOP and know that they don’t know the difference between actions and intentions, they have no clue, they literally have no clue because to them, actions and intentions are the same, because every time they intend to do something, they do it. So from their perspective, there’s no difference. But to an SI user, there’s a huge difference between intent and action. But they’re only going to judge you based on your actions anyway.

So you talking about intentions doesn’t mean anything to them, because any demon will just eat it alive. They don’t care about what you want. So stop talking about what you want. Instead, just talk about what you need, right? Make it about needs, and even kind of slip in some of your wants, among the needs and make it how, and give them reasons why you need this, even though you really want it and you know, deep down it’s a want, but make it about what you need.

Because that engages their se hero, while getting away from their expert intuition demon that will basically destroy all of that. You don’t want that folks, you absolutely need to just stay away from that entire thing. Like that demon will, will eat you up, it will spit you out, it will literally hate you. That is how you engage their hatred.

Because here’s the thing, if you’re talking about your wants all the time around an ESFP, do you know what they’re going to do, they’re just going to naturally assume that you don’t care about what they want, they’re going to naturally assume that you’re going to eventually take their choices away. And then that just makes them afraid. You want to make an ESFP insecure, you want to make an ESFP scared, start talking about what you want, all the time and make everything about what you want. And then eventually, they’re just going to hate you.

And then they’re going to feel like whether that’s true or not, they’re just going to feel like that you don’t care about their wants, and then they’re going to start acting out and then they’re going to start punishing you with their ISFJ shadow for it, punishing you for sharing all of your wants all the time. And obviously ignoring theirs even though you probably weren’t, but you’re just irresponsible because you don’t know what you’re dealing with because you don’t realize that this is an expert intuition demon that doesn’t give a damn about what you want. So don’t talk about wants, talk about needs. And if you do have wants, make them look like needs.

That way their se hero is engaged and not there any demon, you do this, I promise you you’ll be far more successful within your sexual relationship. You know, this is how you show love to your ESFP partner and I guarantee you they will appreciate it for the rest of your life. Anyway, folks found this lecture educational, useful, helpful, enlightening, all those things please leave a comment below and leave a like I’m trying to keep these a little bit shorter. Maybe around 30 minutes if I can.

I’m trying to do it. 30 minutes Standard From now on it’s just or lower just so bear with me folks but hopefully this content really helped you out so thanks for watching folks and I’ll see you guys tonight