THE PROBLEM WITH MODERN INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS
Everyone is accustomed to the locker room speak of fellow bros trying to school their friends on the best way to get with girls or keep them. There isn’t much difference between locker room talk and talk heard at the office water cooler, church or even what your father tries to tell you before you get married. The sad fact is that the lion’s share majority of human beings who live in first world circumstances just have no idea how relationships actually work or mechanically function. This is especially proven with the advent of dating apps. According to Skye C. Cleary, “…the rise of dating apps like Tinder, Hinge, and Grindr that encourage us to “swipe” or judge potential lovers in a nanosecond could be cited as examples of a society that has become obsessed with pleasure and instant gratification.”
Even contemporary philosophers like Simon Sinek have also parroted the risk of our generation’s preference for instant gratification as a result of constant exposure to dopamine received by the brain when exposed to endless social media. “We know that engagement with social media and our cell phones releases a chemical called dopamine. That’s why when you get a text – it feels good.” The aforementioned quote is just one of the points that Mr. Sinek makes about how social media is rewiring the brains of the current generation to expect instant gratification.
Dating apps like Tinder, while making dating more efficient, certainly encourages instant gratification which lends us to a culture that is not conducive to long term meaningful relationships. What it does lend us is an endless series of immature relationships that never reach full maturity or end up ending as quickly as they start. My fellow Millennials call it being a “serial monogamist.” The fact is that while social media is an excellent technological advancement for our race, it is not without is negative effects on our daily life; especially relationships. We all are on a crash course for our relationships to end up lacking in intimacy.
THE ISSUE WITH EACH GENDER
Perhaps you are a woman reading this and grit your teeth at the nuance that it is literally a desert out there. A desert full of boys and immature men who are consistent at being nothing more than a disappointment. A desert full of man children who are either too immature to raise children or not be present at all. A desert full of immature mama’s boys who lack the ability to lead, produce more than they consume, or take personal responsibility; even to the point of not taking care of themselves. A desert where these “boys who can shave” prefer video games, pizza, and pornography over having a job, eating healthy and committing to the beautiful women of the land. Below are some practical examples of what I would consider to be the immature masculine:
First, boys who can shave typically consume more than they produce. This is also known as “failure to launch” syndrome. Let’s face it, men who live in their mother’s basements are not attractive or appealing. The same goes for those boys who stay in university far too long and have zero sense of purpose or know where they are going in life. The fact is that many males within first world culture are ignorant, babied, and underdisciplined. To make matters worse, men in our culture do not have the rituals of past generations supporting them in their journey to manhood.
A rite of passage is where a boy of a tribe or village began and completed the process of entering into manhood. It usually involved the suffering of a trial so the “boy would die so that the man could be alive.” Upon completing the trial or series of trials (depending on the culture) the village or tribe would treat and respect the boy as no longer a boy but as a man. The new man would have the responsibilities of manhood as well as the regard he deserved as the steward of those responsibilities. And only after completion of the rite(s) he would be allowed to take on a woman with his society’s blessing.
Such rites of passage remove the possibility of the formation of “failure to launch” syndrome. However, to the detriment of our society, we do not adhere to rites of passage and if we do, we do not afford men the respect they deserve after they complete them. A rite of passage only has power if it is worth enduring and if the society in which it takes place regards it as undeniably sacred. Come on folks let’s be honest and accept that graduating high school is not a rite of passage. Or at least, not one is that is a good measure of a man in the eyes of the women of our culture. It would be foolish to think otherwise. Especially since our education system is dominated by women.
The next example I would like to point out is their inability to take personal responsibility for anything. Real men have come to terms with the fact that unless they do something on their own, their life will not amount to anything. Real men have the capacity to take responsibility for all their actions, regardless of the consequences. That means being willing to put everything on the line financially, relationships, family, friends and even their life in order to succeed in their goals. It also means willing to be selfish because of their responsibility to take care of themselves.
A man child however, blames everyone else, if not society itself for all his problems. Then proceeds to make bad decisions with a serious lack of awareness as to the consequences. The lives of those around the immature masculine man end up being swallowed up by his drama and his seemingly chaotic nature. A more and more common example of this are divorces caused by addiction to video games like World of Warcraft. The estranged women and children that come out of such relationships only lead to the continued decay of society while keeping the desert of mature men a dominant force within the women’s relationship market. Perhaps it is no wonder transgenderism is on the rise?
Stagnation is the third example I would like to offer that is a direct result of the immature masculine within first world culture. This is where men decide to stop growing as if they have “arrived” or somehow became contented before their time. This would be like someone earning a degree in a subject but never pursuing additional study or education of any kind after the fact. Stagnation is one of the main contributors to divorce in America. Often times, men become too satisfied with where they are at in life and lose that spark of attraction that their women wish they still had from the beginning of their relationship.
Let’s look at why this is important from a point of view derived from nature. Picture for yourself a river full of life. It’s rushing waters into white rapids. Various fish, insects and other animals making their home within and around the river. Green foliage surrounding the land scape with birds chirping in the air and many trees. Imagine that a man is like a river. If the river stops flowing, everything dies. If a man stops esteeming himself, everything within him and outside of him will also die. None the least of which are his relationships.
According to John Henry Newman, “Growth is the only evidence of life.” The problem with growth is that it is inevitably painful. In our first world culture, people are babied and pampered in such a way that they learn to avoid pain, pain of failure and pain of life in general. Due to such avoidance of pain, the growth of men becomes stunted and they remain immature. Only through a combination of getting hit by pain of life and seeking out pain by risking failure can men grow into maturity. Here is a hard truth to consider: pain is life. Pain proves growth which proves life. Therefore, pain is life. One must learn to accept this, embrace it and eventually master it if they are to become the true mature masculine; the object of any woman’s desire.
Stagnation is everything the mature masculine is not. There is nothing attractive about stagnation and while it appeals to the many immature boys of our culture, it is without a doubt a disease plaguing the very fabric of our society’s growth and advancement. All too often we hear from these same immature boys about how they are going to get lucky and make it big while most billionaires have humble beginnings and are working 14-16 hour days; pouring in their blood, sweat and tears into their mission. And yes the immature majority enjoys labeling these people as lucky or the evil “one percent.” What the stagnant man does not realize is that the core component to maturity is hard work. But who among our youth of the day can accept that?
While there is a plethora of additional examples, I would not be able to outline each one within this post. I would understand if you feel justified in the feminist movement as a result of the travesty that is the maturity of men as we know it. To the women that read this blog, my condolences for the abhorrent loss of the mature masculine within our culture as a result of the mass erosion of men’s maturity. It is my desire to see to it that men become the opposite of what they generally are now.
The root of this desire stems from the fact that I have a daughter of my own and I hold within myself a great fear that one day she will come of age and all she has to choose from are loathsome man children unworthy of my respect. I put a lot of energy into hoping that the man my own daughter chooses is someone I respect. Someone who I trust with her, who produces more than he consumes, takes personal responsibility, is committed to esteeming himself permanently rather than being “satisfied” and someone who loves her so much that he is willing to lay his life down for her.
Quite frankly, unless someone picks up this torch and runs with it, we are dooming our society as we know it to extinction; without a future. This is why I have taken it upon myself to pick up this torch and lead by example so that as I continue to esteem myself without ceasing, that men I come into contact with will be sharpened inasmuch as I sharpen them. To my dear female readers, I do this for you in as much as I do it for my own. Let’s work together to create an oasis that will lead to a vast jungle to overtake this barren wasteland of manhood.
Perhaps you are a man reading this guide seeking answers as well. My brothers, I am here to say that I feel your pain. We live in a culture that is dominated by disrespectful and quarrelsome women. These women are raised up within a feminist dominant culture and are taught that they are equal to men if not better than men in every way. Little do they know that we are the ones called to show them “No Greater Love;” the kind in which we are asked to give up our very lives for them. One would think that such men willing to go so far out of love for their women are due some shred of respect. Much less those men that labor hard for their women and their families.
Little do women know how even they sabotage their own relationships. For it is never good enough for a woman just say “I love you” to a man. See, women have this problem where they can love just about any guy on the street. We see it all the time, women who are easily 9/10 level of beauty wasting their time with losers and lacking personal standards. This is why for us men, we need women who are willing to humble themselves enough to respect us. Love just doesn’t cut it and is secondary to us whereas respect is king. Or in this case, queen.
Another example of this relationship self sabotage would be when some women, or should I say girls, require their men to worship them. And these man children give into their request and end up doting upon and worshiping their female lovers, to the point of going out of their way to meet their every request, need and desire. The problem is that for a time, their female lover will be pleased but with each passing day their level of respect for their male lover will erode into oblivion. At this point in time, the relationship itself is in jeopardy because in the end their male lover cannot cope with being disrespected, especially after going so far as to put in the effort to worship their female lover. The relationship will inevitably fail, the girl will leave the relationship judging her male lover and move on to repeat the cycle elsewhere, seemingly endlessly.
The final example that I would like to point out in this regard would be the women who allow their body to fall into disrepair and their beauty to fade as they age… and this is even worse for married women. Think I am full of it? According to Bella DePaulo, PHD at Psychology Today:
Here’s what changed when unmarried women ([in the USA] whether divorced, separated, or always single) got married:
- After they got married, their BMI (body mass index) increased.
- After they got married, they drank more.
- After they got married, their systolic blood pressure increased.
- Diastolic blood pressure decreased over the three-year period for those who stayed single and those who married, but it decreased less in those who got married.
The point is that men (especially real men and not man children) are acutely aware that women that live in our culture almost always end up under prioritizing their beauty in the long run which in turn is a huge source of anxiety for men when considering to commit to a woman. Let’s be honest, we real men would like to know that our woman of choice is able to keep that fine ass for perpetuity as much as possible; furthermore, we desire to do our best to help her maintain that standard as we seek to maintain that standard for ourselves. (Imagine that…)
Speaking of beauty, there is nothing more ugly and repulsive than a woman who is disrespectful, arrogant and conceited. And within this feminist society, finding respectful women is just as rare and barren as finding a man of respectability. Imagine a 9/10 beauty Victoria’s Secret model naked on your bed demanding immediate sexual pleasure. She is so arrogant and conceited and has a long history of being disrespectful to any man she encounters. Real men (not manchildren) would toss her out from under their roof and lock the door faster than she could clothe herself.
There is nothing beautiful about women who behave like that. A pretty woman is a woman with a great physique. A beautiful woman is a respectful woman with a great physique. With all the above being said, let’s dive into the meat and the potatoes and discuss the mechanics as to how intimate relationships actually work. And to do so I will now be addressing both genders simultaneously.
HOW INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS ACTUALLY WORK
Dear reader, do we actually know what attracts men to women and women to men? Do we actually know what relationships are really made of? Do we know what fuels that attraction between the two genders of our race in such a way that men or women can identify a potential lover or mate of quality? To go even further, are those people seeking quality lovers, of quality themselves?
A lot of people just do not have the answers to these questions. It is not a shock over just how many millions of web sites turn up on a google search when searching about sexual attraction. Most people would agree that both men and women just have about no idea what it is that attracts the opposite sex to them. The thing is, it is just not that simple. Both men and women have to first accept that each potential human being that they are interested in is way more different than they realize. And how they are different is a combination of three things: nature, nurture and environment.
Based on the personality profiles provided by www.typelogic.com, a site that espouses the standard narrative of 16 different archetypes in regards to the human psyche according to C.G. Jung; we can assume that any human being of the opposite sex that one would fancy is at least one of these 16. And if that is the case, then just how compatible is that one desired personality archetype with the archetype of the desiree? If personality represents human nature then we know that finding an appropriate mate for a long term relationship just got a lot more complicated.
To go a bit further, what about their nurture or environment? Nurture and environment includes societal influences like culture and upbringing as well as belief systems. Some of which are compatible and some of them are not. Just how often do we find a Muslim married to a Mormon? I would posit that such a phenomenon is very rare and would lead to stress that may invariably damage the marriage beyond repair. But then again, so would most people.
Regardless of knowledge of these factors: nature, nurture, and environment; people still find their ways into short term as well as long term relationships all the time. One does not have to be a rocket scientist or an expert psychologist to cultivate a meaningful relationship. And that is not what we are arguing here. What we are arguing is that the entire process from start to finish can be optimized in such a way that lends the participants of any relationship the tools necessary to find, develop and keep that relationship in a state of high quality from start to finish.
For the sake of this particular guide, we will be focusing human nurture and how best to utilize it for your relationship. The reason for this is because at the beginning of a relationship, human nurture is information that is readily available to the couple whereas nature is not so apparent in the very beginning. (An example of this would be noting how someone dresses or what car they drive vs. where their insecurities may lie. People do not share their natures in a public manner and their habits thereof due to a lack of trust that has yet to be built.)
So what makes a quality relationship from a nurture point of view? The answer is the law of balance. Before you start freaking out about what that actually means, let’s look at what the Apostle Paul said in regards to this:
If we look at verse 22 from the book of Ephesians chapter 5, we will note that the word “submit” is synonymous with the word “respect.” Also, verse 33 states directly the need for wives to respect their husbands. So what this law of balance comes down to is literally a balance between love and respect. The Apostle Paul’s main point here was that there is a balance of love and respect within both participants of a relationship. There is no voluntary romantic relationship on Earth that is not dictated by this law.
Above shows a Yin & Yang diagram of what a romantic relationship in balance looks like. The big black part represents the mature masculine’s primary need for Respect. The big white part represents the mature feminine’s primary need for Love. The little white dot in the big black part represents the mature masculine’s secondary need for love. The little black dot in the big white part represents the mature feminine’s secondary need for respect. Or we could put it this way:
R^l & L^r where big R is Primary Respect, little l is Secondary Love, big L is Primary Love and little r is Secondary Respect.
A bit confusing maybe so let me explain it in another way. It is never good enough for a woman to tell a man that she loves him. Conversely, it is never good enough for a man to tell a woman that he respects her. I will be explaining the above concept later in this post and in some upcoming posts so for now please accept the above statements for what they are: the truth. If love is a secondary need for the mature masculine and respect is a secondary need for the mature feminine, then giving just those two things to your lover will end up causing the relationship to destabilize and crumble. Why is this? Because you would not be meeting the primary needs of your lover!
Many people have this problem where they are too ignorant to realize that the ways they prefer to receive from their lover are not the same ways their lover prefers to receive from them. This would be akin to a wife who tells her husband how much she loves him but consistently disrespects him, even in front of their own children. It would also be akin to a husband showing respect to his wife after she achieves an accomplishment while ignoring any other affectionate behavior that would be received as loving.
For this reason, all women have every right to call out their men for being unloving. Similarly, all men have every right to call out their women for being disrespectful. Oh and by the way, this is regardless of what their lover thinks or how they feel about it. If any member of the intimate relationship is sensing a lack in their primary needs being met, they have every right to bring it up and challenge their partner to that end; regardless of the point of view of their partner. However, be ready for your partner to claim that you too are not fulfilling your part.
The fact is that without the law of balance of love and respect within the relationship in a state of equilibrium, the relationship will degrade over time. If one partner of the relationship is providing plenty of love but not receiving the respect due to them, they will inevitably exit the relationship and find someone else who can meet that primary need. Logically speaking, the solution would have to be for both partners to consistently seek balance with each other by meeting their needs for love and respect.
THE KEY TO UNLOCK INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS WITH WOMEN: LOVE
We have seen this over and over throughout history. Great men of old who professed their love to their beloved women, to the point of risking their own life or sacrificing their life. Quite frankly, that is the actual definition of love. Many people have many different definitions. Take my own father for example. He claimed that love was merely defined by “a choice to care.” Many times in church, I was taught about Eros (erotic love), Phileo (brotherly love), and Agape (Unconditional) love as the three main definitions of love according to the Greeks. The definition of love I prefer is as follows: “There is no greater love than when a man gives up his life for his beloved.”
This particular definition is powerful because it represents love in terms of what the actual expectation of men is when it comes to loving behavior. Just how many times do we see men walking on the side of the street towards the traffic as they escort their women on the side walk? The traditional gender role expectation of the male in a relationship is for said male to be willing to sacrifice his life for his woman. Not only is this just a mere expectation but it has been proven since time immemorial through the many sacrificial actions of men in history.
One such sacrificial action was demonstrated by an extra-marital lover of the notorious Pauline Bonaparte, sister of former Emperor of France, Napoleon Bonaparte. Pauline was a very vivacious and beautiful woman with humble beginnings from Corsica. After her brother’s rise to power, she became of a Princess and had many affairs with important men of the time as well as two disasters of a marriage. Of the men she preferred shared her bedchamber, only one really stood out among the rest. His name was Armand Jules De Canouville. De Canouville, a decorated soldier in Napoleon’s army was unlike any of her past lovers. So much so that Pauline was to have been rumored to cease her usual affairs and wait for her lover when he was inevitably sent away by Napoleon who was disgusted by his sister’s “loose behavior.”
According to a small historical anecdote outlined by Robert Greene in his book “The Art of Seduction,” Pauline Bonaparte first became aware of how different Armand Jules De Canouville was from other men on the day she invited her dentist over to her home because of a tooth ache that was bothering her. The dentist noted that the tooth would have to be removed but Pauline, in her fear of horrible pain due to the lack of anesthetic refused. Armand Jules De Canouville was presently lounging on a nearby couch after their usual nightly tryst listening to this exchange between Pauline and her dentist. He chided Pauline for being too afraid and too weak to have her tooth removed. She responded by challenging him, as if he would do it if he had a similar tooth ache.
Without wasting time, De Canouville ordered the dentist to remove one of his perfectly good teeth to demonstrate his point to Pauline. De Canouville is said to have not made a sound after the tooth was removed painfully. It was this sacrifice as a demonstration of his love for Pauline that caused her to think differently of him compared to all her past lovers. From her point of view, this was a man that was willing to lay everything down for her. And that is exactly what he did.
Later in their relationship, Napoleon sent De Canouville away on a mission just to get him away from his sister. De Canouville rode day and night to complete his mission in a timely manner so as to avoid receiving a second set of orders before returning to Paris during the war. De Canouville dropped off the papers that were in his charge and he immediately turned around and rode back for Paris without stopping for sleep. He even rode through enemy territory and put his life in direct danger in order to save time so he could be quickly reunited with his beloved Pauline.
For the first time in her life, it was Pauline that was waiting on a man and not a man waiting on her. De Canouville had won her heart totally and completely as a result of his regular demonstrations of love for his beloved. This happened until Napoleon got fed up and sent De Canouville to the front lines in the war where he died with valor. Pauline would never forget him, nor would she find another man like him.
No greater love. There is no greater love than when a man gives up his life for his beloved. Real men of the mature masculine all would agree that if their life is required of them, they would give up their life for the women they hold dear. And they would do this without question or hesitation. It is after all a core component of what the mature masculine is within its lover archetype. (More on this at a later date)
If a man is unwilling to take a bullet for his woman than it is safe to say that he is not totally devoted or committed to her or he in fact does not love her. Many would disagree with this, but I say that those same many are just like the many immature men that plague our culture for the desert wasteland it has become. My fellow men, heed my words when I request that you consider for yourselves just how far you are willing to go for your woman. The truth is that the primary need a woman has for any romantic relationship is simply: “no greater love.”
THE KEY TO UNLOCK INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS WITH MEN: RESPECT
But what of men? What is their primary need? As stated previously, it is never good enough for a woman to just say “I love you” to a man because women have this problem where they can “love” just about any man on the street. In a recent coaching session I offered for a couple, the man in the relationship brought up how his wife was having an affair with her boss at work. And was caught in the act by one of his friends. It was this act that brought him to me for individual coaching which eventually led to the both of them seeking coaching together.
When directly asked what was missing from their marriage, this gentleman (who was hardly gentle during this exchange) pointed out that the number one missing thing from their marriage for him was respect. “I get no respect. I work hard and I get no respect.” That was his line of choice and I believe he repeated this phrase at least thirty times in one of our sessions. Sure, she had argued that he was just as unloving towards her. More on this couple later.
Respect is defined everywhere. One can ask their parents, their neighbor, their spouse as well as the dictionary as to how they define respect. I have noticed that just like love is defined differently between those you would ask to define it, so also it is the same with respect. For the sake of this writing, I would like to share with you my preferred definition of respect. This definition comes from chapter 4 of a book called “Real Marriage,” co-written by Pastor Mark Driscoll and his wife Grace. Mrs. Driscoll wrote chapter 4, the respectful wife. In the first few pages contains what she defines as respect. And it is this definition that I find is the pinnacle definition of the word respect for this day and age. It goes as follows: “Respect is to notice, regard, honor, prefer, defer to, encourage, love and admire.”
Notice how “love” is included within the definition of respect among many other things like admiration, preference, deference and regard. Notice also how love, when it comes to men and this definition, is not good enough for a man. Love is inclusive within respect as a mechanical component but not the entire message. Love alone does not meet a man’s needs.
Anyway, the point is that respect is the most central need for a man in any relationship they have, especially romantic ones. If a man feels like he is being disrespected or is lacking respect that he believes is due to him, then the relationship will ultimately decay into a state of collapse in which few relationships can be salvaged.
However, given the truth of this phenomenon, respect at its core is so powerful that any woman can wield it to great effect. One of the best examples of who women can wield respect is a story of an ancient Persian Queen. Her name, in the biblical account of the story, was Esther. Before we look directly at Queen Esther and her grand achievement of saving her kinsman from genocide, let us look at her immediate predecessor: Queen Vashti.
According to the biblical account, King Xerxes of Persia had returned home from losing his war against the Greek city states in the north. Due to his defeat, he decided to throw 180 days of parties and celebrations in order to lull the populace and himself despite his defeat. During the final week of the festivities, the King became drunk and decided to show off his Queen to his friends at the party. Vashti was quite frankly one of if not the most beautiful woman in the Persian Empire. The King requested for his Queen to show herself before him and his friends and she refused him. Truth be told, there is a lot of speculation as to why she refused the King. Some scholars have posited it was because she was to present herself to the party wearing nothing but her crown and expose herself. Others posit that it was because it was a shameful practice for the Queen to show herself at such an event, as was Persian customary practice.
Regardless of the reasons for Vashti’s refusal, the King was forced to banish her from the kingdom not only because he felt disrespected but also due to his court becoming concerned that she was setting an example for all women of the kingdom to behave as disrespectfully to their husbands. King Xerxes had no choice and banished her. However, he did this much to his dismay. The King loved her dearly and immediately missed her; so much so that he entered a serious bout of depression. The King’s friends became very concerned for him and the kingdom at large. They met together and came up with the idea that a new Queen must be sought out for King Xerxes. The King agreed.
Esther was found within the Persian Empire and brought before King Xerxes. He immediately found favor with her and she became his new Queen. As a Hebrew woman, she not only maintained her exotic beauty but also made sure to treat the King with the utmost respect. This was especially when he did not deserve it for she knew the what had befallen the previous Queen. One example of where he did not deserve her respect was when she learned of a plot from one of the members of the King’s court who had manipulated the King into signing an edict that would lead to the genocide of her people.
Esther instead went out of her way to be as respectful as possible and regarded her husband in such a way that when the plot was revealed that he listened to what she had to say and realized his mistake. The King put a stop to the genocide and instead held responsible those who were behind the plot. Had Esther been disrespectful, not only would the King have been forced to banish the woman he loved a second time, but also the genocide of her people would have succeeded.
The moral of this story is a demonstration of the power of the woman who carries herself respectfully. With such power, entire nations can be spared from certain doom. New life can be created as well as a positive future secured for generations. If women in general would be willing to provide respect for their male significant others, in an effort to meet their primary need then many atrocities and tragedies in this world would be averted with many innocent lives (especially children) spared.
THE BOTTOM LINE
Without meeting the primary needs of men (Respect) and women (Love) in any relationship, it will inevitably fall in disarray. Balance is key as balance will guarantee that all parties involved will not feel like doormats or feel they are being manipulated for the gain of their partner. Intimate relationships are about safely exposing the whole self to each other without hiding or insecurity. None of that is possible to achieve if the requisite love and respect are being ignored by either partner in any situation.
Furthermore, each partner must be willing to take responsibility for having their needs met. What this means is that if they feel disrespected or unloved, that they communicate as such with their partner in order to have the imbalance rectified sooner than later. It is important that each partner, when starting a relationship have the presence of mind to set personal goals, maintain personal standards, define their needs clearly and set personal boundaries with their partner so that each party knows what to expect. This way, each party knows exactly what they are getting into.
To avoid providing that information at the beginning of a relationship, especially before consummating the relationship with sexual intercourse, would create a potentially disastrous foundation for the relationship. It is important that each partner of the intimate relationship knows themselves well enough and has demonstrated that each has been able to take responsibility for their own needs. Having personal standards, being able to seek to meet my own needs as well as set personal boundaries is a pivotal milestone without which anyone would be setting themselves up in having unhealthy and unstable relationships.
Only through reaching the point in which one is honest with one’s self can one begin building the above foundation in their life. Success in relationships will always be within his or her grasp because everything is out in the open and each partner knows where they stand. They will effectively always knew what to expect and nothing will be hidden. With this foundation set firmly in place for any intimate relationship, any couple is in a position where they can freely give the love and respect needed in order to guarantee long standing equilibrium, balance and harmony within their relationship.