S8E5 – How Do ESFJs Compare To ESFPs?

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Chase: 00:01 Hey guys, it’s CS Joseph with CSJoseph.life doing another episode of type comparisons because that’s what people are asking me to do these days. Of course these requests for these particular lectures came about two months ago, and I have a gigantic backlog of over 500 different lecturers to do still. So it just keeps growing, and growing, and growing, and guess what? I’m going to keep providing, and providing, and providing, and filming, and doing even [anymore], or even more than that. Wow. {The lighting is absolutely atrocious. Maybe that’ll help bit better. Don’t know. We’ll find out} So anyway, this particular lecture is “How Do ESFJs Compare to ESFPs.” I’m doing it because we had someone ask, “Okay. Well, I can’t tell the difference between if I’m ESFJ or ESFP, and I get so confused with the letters, and I don’t know the cognitive functions so please educate me so that I know exactly which of these two types I am. Am I a P or the J variant?” Et Cetera.

Chase: 01:00 So. Okay, sure. We can definitely… We could definitely look at that. So anyway, ESFJ s versus ESFPs. So what’s the difference? Well, [let’s] let’s look at their temperament. Their temperament is different. The ESFJ is a traditionalist: past focused, duty based, protector. Focused on safety, [on anything] very dutiful. Takes orders. Really great for male ESFJs to be firemen, for example; police officers, soldiers, all those traditionalistic sj careers, et cetera. Whereas the ESFP is an SP, also known as an Artisan according to Plato. Not Keirsey because screw Keirsey. I’m tired of Keirsey. I like Plato. Plato came up with the temperaments before anyone else. Not that people knew that, but just laying that out there, you know, for those of you that are like, “Cite your sources,” and then I’m just like… Plato.

Chase: 01:57 So anyway, the Artisan temperament. Freedom based creators. Lives in the moment, has mechanical mastery – is able to manipulate the physical surroundings around them. They also store their memories in physical objects known as totems, etc.; and are able to provide in that way. So anyway. Let’s dive in, and today I am featuring blue ink because black ink kind of, like, ran out [-ish]. Maybe. I think it did. So anyway, let’s dive in. Shall we? What is the differences and similarities between ESFJs and ESFPs? So if you live in the moment chances are you’re an ESFP because they live in the moment. They have Se hero. [Gosh, cannot see that still… This lighting is terrible. Let’s see if we can adjust it here. A little bit more. No, no, no. Oh well. We’ll just have to deal with it}. So anyway, Se hero. Lives in the moment. All about giving experiences to other people.

Chase: 03:01 Storing memories in the physical objects. When they pick up an object they’re trigger… Their mind is triggered with all of the things that they’ve done before through the object, or things that other people have done with the object, etc. It’s kind of like that cool mutant power on X-men, or [or] “Heroes” if you like “Heroes,” etc. Yeah, I do kind of look like Zachary Quinto. Am I, like, literally his, you know, celebrity lookalike? I mean, except I’m not a celebrity, but I’m a lookalike? Who knows? We’ll probably ask him one day. There also Fi parent so they’re very moral. They’re focused on morals. All about moral behavior. What they believe is a good or bad thing. ESFJs, however, do not do that. They don’t do that. They care about how others feel. It’s all about ethics. Remember, the difference between an ethic and a moral.

Chase: 03:48 Take abortion because we love going after sacred cows on this channel. With abortion it is ethical because the collective, or a group of people, believe it’s a good or bad thing, but it is immoral because an individual decides that it is a bad thing. See the difference? It just depends on the perspective. The feeling, judgment – Fe versus Fi – just, basically… It’s the source of the feeling. Is it an individual, or is the feeling derived from a crowd of people, or a group of people, or three or more people, because three’s a crowd, and that’s technically an extraverted situation. One person, or one-on-one is an introverted situation so it’s technically ethical. So they’re all about ethics. All about how other people feel, very supportive of other people. ESFPs are not really so supportive of others. They’re very supportive of themselves because of Fi parent with how they feel, and make decisions based on how they feel, and that is a priority for them.

Chase: 04:40 Now they have Te child which is what other people think. They’re like, “Oh, I need people to think really highly of me, and sometimes, you know, I just need to save face and, and make a phone call, you know. I know I did something wrong, but I need to call people and make them think well of me so that I could save face; and it’s kind of manipulative and yes, I know I do it because the child is kind of like a thought manipulator because it’s a thought vampire; and it can rearrange the thoughts of other people[s] because if I could just, you know, in the absence of communication, or explanation, you know… Perceptions become reality. So I’m just going to kind of fudge it a little bit to adjust people’s view of me so that I don’t feel bad because I may have screwed up in a social situation, but I need to save face, right? So I can feel good about myself. Sometimes I feel like a bad mother, or maybe a bad daughter, or, or, a bad… a bad wife. So I just, I just need to go the extra mile to save some face.” ESFPs.

Chase: 05:41 ESFJs don’t do that because they are so self-sacrificing. To the point of being a doormat that they are so supportive, and so caring, and so… into other people. To the point they’ll do the dishes because they’re very dutiful, and in fact they’ll get angry at you if you do the dishes before they do, taking away their opportunity to be supportive to you. Yeah. Do not compete on the sink with an ESFJ. My grandmother is an ESFJ. The fastest way. [If I] if I was ever really, really upset with her… If I was upset with my grandmother do you know what I would do? I’d do the dishes. I’d take out the trash. I would literally do her chores, basically. I would vacuum just to piss her off because she deserved it, you know. Maybe she had a covert contract she was trying to do, and it was manipulative, and I didn’t appreciate how she did it so I just decided to do all the chores in the house and take away her opportunity for being supportive

Chase: 06:31 because I knew because she’s trying to be so supportive of other people that she worries about her own self-worth; and because I took away her opportunity to contribute to others I made her feel worthless. Yes! But she deserved it, and maybe she shouldn’t have been so disrespectful to me. You know what I mean? So that’s what I’m going to do. Like, I… knowing type means I know people’s pain points, and I know ESFJs really hate it when I start doing their duties for them, right? And it’s like, “Okay. Come on. Two can play that game. You’re really going to try to force me into going into this social situation for this family thing so that we can, like, save face?” – because saving face is also important for ESFJs. Not for themselves, but helping other people – especially ESFPs because they have, like, second highest compatibility – helping those ESFPs, or those SFPs save face because SFPs got to save face because they have to feel good about themselves.

Chase: 07:23 They have to know that other people think highly of them because how others think of them is literally how they are deriving their sense of self-worth – believe it or not. “Oh no, Mr. Joseph. It’s all about values, and our values…” are actually based on other people’s thinking. Don’t think that your values actually, like, necessarily come from you, per se. I mean you… You have a moral compass, and then you can rise above what other people think, but do not tell me that your values are not impacted based on the thoughts of others. The true-false judgments of others. The statistics of others, because people could show you the sad statistic about this poor… this poor family, you know, who immigrated from Poland, or whatever; and then you’re, you’re, you’re, you’re… You feel bad because you’re reading this statistic that just makes you want to pull out your money and give that to this organization who supposedly helps families immigrating from Poland. When in reality they’re just trying to get your money. They don’t really care.

Chase: 08:23 Yeah. That’s not a good situation. Try to make sure that your values are not as attached to the thoughts of others, and how do you do this? By not being a busy body. By not paying attention to the thoughts of others, and paying attention to what you feel; and make sure that your feelings are based on you, and not based on the thoughts of other people because then you start turning into a gossip; and then you start getting into other people’s business; and then you turn it into a busy body; and then it just turns into crazy. And the ESFJ gets onboard with the ESFP too because the ESFJ is trying to save face for the ESFP while ESFP is trying to save face for themselves. Be careful. Do not allow this to happen, guys. Realize people actually do care about you ahead of time, and you don’t have to save face with them and you actually end up saving more face if you come clean and admit to them that,

Chase: 09:14 “Yeah. I feel bad because I did these things I’m sorry,” and that endears them to you, ESFPs, and ESFJs. I mean, you’re the ESFP to the ESFJ when you’re honest like that. Don’t you think, ESFJs? If ESFPs would be honest in that way instead of trying to, like, play little social games to try to save face – that is more endearing, right? So why wouldn’t they want to do that? Huh? It’s food for thought. Something to consider. So yes, they have their Fi parent. Their moral compass. We talked about Te child – what other people think about them, and Ni inferior. ESFPs are insecure with what they want. If you don’t even know what you want… This is where people get really confused between ESFPs and ESFJs. Why? Well, because Ni trickster… ESFJs never ever know what they want, but ESFPs are afraid of what they want. So how do people really tell the difference?

Chase: 10:09 Well, the ESFJ is incapable with aspiring with what they want. Whereas the ESFP is capable of aspiring, et cetera. Well, that’s because they are trying to become the INTJ. Trying to become strategic and be very good at planning, and organization, and finances. An ESFP good at finances? {laughs} Actually it can happen, and it happens when they aspire. If an ESFP is getting over their insecurity, and they’re no longer afraid of what they want, and they’re no longer afraid of failure – especially social failure – afraid of having low performance because… We always talk about Se inferior having performance anxiety. The thing is [is] that the ESFP knows that they’re a very good performer, but they just don’t know [want]. They just don’t know what they want to perform, right; and because they don’t know what they want to perform they’re afraid of performing the wrong thing.

Chase: 11:03 If they just choose different things and realize that they’re just good at performing in general they don’t feel so insecure about performing anymore. So then they can perform almost anything, and then they can get to the INTJ and be really strategic about it, and start choosing the right things to perform on, right? Which makes them even better. They’re able to craft the ultimate strategic experience and provide it to their audience to the point where it’s like, “Wow, that ESFP is brilliant.” Even though ESFPs have the stereotype of being an ‘airhead,’ right? That’s because of Ti trickster. Everyone believes that ESFPs are airheads because it’s like, “Wow, they don’t even think for themselves.” It’s because they can’t finish a logical thought. They do not have Logos. There is no Logos in here. There is only Pathos or Ethos.

Chase: 11:49 So you have Ethos right here. You got Pathos right here. Pathos… but Logos is down here, and it’s like. Yeah, this is like a black hole sucking that, you know… That [that] Logos away, but we got that Ethos, you know. Everybody’s all about the Ethos, but Ethos does not necessarily mean it’s true. You have to have the proof provided by Logos in order to actually affirm Ethos because if the Logos does not match the Ethos that means the Ethos is technically alive because Ethos, aka Te child, is actually beliefs about the truth instead of actually arriving to a true conclusion. A provable true conclusion. That is Ethos. So be careful. Whereas the ESFJ actually has Logos, but they lack Ethos. Ethos is way down here. In fact they don’t care about Ethos. They only care about what’s true or false, and you better give them their day in court level.

Chase: 12:44 Now luckily the ESFP does that for the ESFJ because the ESFP is very aware of what the ESFJ thinks. In fact the ESFP can tack their feelings and their sense of self-worth onto the ESFJ‘s thoughts with them because they’re, like, Te child is locking in the Ti inferior, “…and I hope Ti inferior thinks really good about me because if it does then I can feel good about myself; and my feelings are attached to what you think of me, ESFJ, and ESFJ is like, “Oh. I’m so thoughtful, and I’m going to be really thoughtful about everything, and remember everything that you like, forever; and support you in every possible way so that you always feel good; and then you always give me my day in court; and always… willing to listen to what I think, and then you give me a really good experience; and then I can [do] give you what you want,” and then it just turns into this amazing synergistic relationship.

Chase: 13:31 These two can be best friends. These two could be awesome lovers, for example. This is a fantastic relationship that I recommend. Second highest according to social compatibility. Second highest according sexual compatibility. Second highest for professional. Oh wait, second highest for every potential compatibility is this one for these two types. I recommend it. It is fantastic for both. Ne child is all about giving what everyone else wants to other people, and making the desires of others come true. You never ask an ESFJ what they want. Yeah… because they’re just gonna look at you with their blank stare. Well the ESFP, you ask them if that’s what they want and they’ll be like, “Not sure,” and then you just say a few options and they’re like, Okay. I want to do that one.” So okay, but the ESFJ will never even do that, and that’s one of the biggest differences, right?

Chase: 14:17 So how do you get around that? Well, Ne child. Always tell the ESFJ what you want and… You’re not expecting the ESFJ to know what they want. It’s not about what they want. It’s about what you want, and you have to state it for them; and if you do that then they’ll be like, “Oh thank God. You just told me what you want. Now I have a boundary with which to work on and adjust my duty around your willpower,” because that’s what they are. They’re all about duty. Almost like being a robot, but ‘not robot.’ It’s their goodwill. It’s their good fortune to make sure that you have everything that you want. You have everything you need, etc. Is there duty to do so? And they are insecure about what they think. Sometimes they are afraid that they’re dumb. This is, you know, Ti inferior is where we get women who have the dumb blonde stereotype.

Chase: 15:01 ENFJs and ESFJ women have to deal with the dumb blonde stereotype because of Ti inferior. Everyone believes it’s stupid, but it’s actually not. Ti inferior is actually subtly brilliant. Why? Why else do they have intp? Which is an intellectual as, you know, the Engineer type as their subconscious. It’s because of Ti inferior. Ti inferior can process anything. It can process everything just like Ti hero can. The difference is it just takes longer so all you have to do is be more patient with the ESFJ, and they will eventually think the proper conclusions. Don’t overwhelm them with constantly new thinking and whatnot, but all you have to do is just be like, “Hey. You should think about this,” you know, or, or, or, or think aloud with them. They’re [they’re] constantly thinking.

Chase: 15:48 It’s like, “Well, okay. Let’s think aloud. Let’s put it on paper. Let’s put it on a whiteboard. Let’s actually have an audible conversation about it.” It really helps the ESFJ think and come to conclusions, right? So, very helpful, and that’s what ESFPs do. ESFPs are those thought [vampire] that draw the thoughts out of the ESFJs, and they have the conversations. Then the ESFJ feels better because they’re worried that they’re a bad person, and they’re afraid that they’re dumb. So they need to have a day in court to stay their thoughts so that they see how the ESFP, or others, feel about it; and if they feel good about it. They’re no longer worried that they’re a bad person. They’re no longer afraid that they’re wrong, right? Very healthy for ESFJs [and] They’re very critical about the outward appearance of others. They’ll tell anyone if your shoe’s untied, or if you’re wearing dirty clothes; or they will always notice it, and it will always annoy them.

Chase: 16:37 You always want to make sure you have a good first impression for ESFJs; and then luckily Se hero of ESFPs are all about providing good experience, and looking nice in front of people, and having a great wardrobe, and very fashionable, so that ESFP is always able to give a good experience to the ESFJ at all times. Thusly, the critic is not as concerned and not as critical towards ESFP because the critic is like, “Ah. The ESFP has already got it all figured out.” Awesome, you know, and we already talked about the trickster of Ni trickster. They just don’t know what they want at all. They have no idea what they want; and then obviously Te demon which is, “You think this is about me, and you do this,” and they can turn into this huge nag; and this ENTJ just takes charge, and then they’ll start taking absolute total control over their partner’s life if their partner did not give their Ti inferior, its day in court. You have to listen to Ti inferior.

Chase: 17:30 I don’t care how much you believe it’s stupid. I don’t care how much you believe it’s wrong. I don’t care. It doesn’t matter, and you have to realize it’s not technically wrong. It’s just slower in reaching to the point where it reaches the truth, right; or it’s missing details, [or it’s] or it’s looking at too big of a picture, or too small of a picture, with it’s perceptions because ESFJ are big picture people because they have Ne child. Although ESFPs are small picture people because they have Ni inferior. They are very more focused, really in the moment, and they have, like, a smaller range, you know, view, but… Whereas the ESFJ has a big peripheral vision, but their thinking is based on that peripheral vision – and they’re looking at this big ominous picture of getting afraid – when the reality is if they would just zoom in a little bit they’d realize that this… the solution to their problem is, like, right in front of them because they’re not able to zoom in.

Chase: 18:23 It’s a lack of extraverted sensing. They can sometimes with their critic, but even a critic is not enough; but thank God ESFPs exist for ESFJs to help ESFJs figure it out with their Se hero, and can reveal what is hidden to the ESFJ in the same way that ESFJs can do that by saying, “Here’s a bunch of options. I had good experiences with these things. You could do these things with Ne child and then that takes away the insecurity of Ni inferior. Oh, now I know what I want to do because I see that you’ve already done it. You’ve already had success. That makes me feel secure. That makes me feel safe to make that decision.” Why? Because ESFPs are worried that they’re not safe. They are worried that things are not safe. In fact they’re worried about whether or not they’re loyal to other people. Then they see that the ESFJ is super loyal to them, and their Se hero absorbs that loyalty and then they become loyal themselves, and thus the relationship is able to continue, right?

Chase: 19:18 And then also they’re very critical about how other people feel when they’re being obligated into things. Especially social things that critic can activate and criticize the ESFJ for being manipulative. ESFPs keep ESFJs from having covert contracts and manipulating other people which is fantastic. They also force the idea of freedom to the ESFJ. So the ESFJ allows freedom to take place because if there is no freedom for ESFP the ESFP is going to turn into a raging juggernaut, and freak out, and start plotting the demise, or plotting with their ENTP, the end of their relationship; and then they will execute it with their INTJ subconscious and end their relationship. Not recommended. {inhales} So be aware of that, and then obviously there’s Ti trickster. They are not able to finish their thoughts. They’re amusing, aka without thought. We already talked about that. It’s the black hole of Logos and their extraverted intuition demon.

Chase: 20:14 If you do not give them the freedom to do what they want they will be committed to destroying your future together. They’ll destroy your relationship. They will destroy your reputation. They will be vengeful in that regard because it’s like, “You’ve been controlling me my whole life. You’ve never given me any freedom,” and then they will lie, lie, lie to nomad and tell you anything in order to get what they want because you are taking away their freedom, and if you’re parenting ESFP recognize that. I don’t care how much you believe it’s unwise giving ESFP freedom because usually they have… They look like they’re being irresponsible, and because they’re Fi parent, or they may seem selfish, but the reality of the situation is that’s not necessarily the case. They are responsible with how they feel, what are good or bad things, and they’re Se hero needs to, like, try everything that other people are doing before they… so that they themselves can decide whether or not this is a good or bad thing, right?

Chase: 21:07 They have to have the freedom to make those mistakes. If you do not give an ESFP freedom to make mistakes they will not grow. They will stagnate, and they will become worthless in their adulthood. Do not do this to these people. If you are raising an ESFP – also, don’t put them on Ritalin. That’s dumb. I mean, seriously. Parents, ESFPs, they’re supposed to be hyperactive. They’re supposed to be hyper. Do not put them on Ritalin. That’s retarded. How about you respect them for what type that they actually are, and understand how they work, and how they live in society. That’d be nice. You need to protect their ESFP. Remember? They’re already struggling with how safe things are anyway. Don’t prove them right. Come on. Don’t do that to ESFPs. Thank God ESFJs will protect them from… ESFP fears, you know. Even though they kind of have fears, like, they’re fearful about different things, but they cover for each other in that regard. So don’t do that. Don’t put them on Ritalin. Like seriously, they don’t need it.

Chase: 22:02 They’re supposed to be hyper. Let them be hyper. Let them enjoy. I don’t care if that means they can’t sit [down] still in school. School is the problem, not the child. Wake up guys. Anyway, so, INTJ subconscious, you know. We already talked about that. We talked about the ENTP superego and it’s plotting. We talked about the ENTJ superego and how controlling it can get if you don’t give the Ti inferior it’s day in court. ESFJs can be really brilliant, and I’ve even known a few ESFJ physicists because their [INTJs], or their INTP subconscious was built, and they’re very aspirational with their logic; and they got to that point because of a huge amount of abuse in their life. Which is really sad to hear, but they became amazing people for it because of how adaptable they are. Si parent means they can endure a lot of hardship and come out on top. ESFJs also have the second highest lifespan amongst all the types, and there’s a reason for that. They have that endurance. Especially ESFJ women. It’s like they live forever.

Chase: 23:04 So anyway. That ends this particular episode for this lecture. If you have any questions about ESFJs or ESFPs leave it in the comment section below here on the YouTube channel, and I will do my best to answer your questions. If you found this lecture useful, helpful, insightful, educational, please subscribe and like to subscribe to the YouTube channel and the podcast, and leave a like for this particular lecture. That would be dope. So yeah. Awesome. I got a lot more of these to do. So I’ll see you guys tonight.

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