9 Things You Should NEVER Do to an INTJ

Like this post? Spread the word!

The INTJ, also known as the strategist, is one of the most interesting personality types, due the complexity of their character and their ability to overcome any obstacle. These characteristics are what usually causes them to be in a position of authority in the workplace; directing company strategy. Therefore, to ensure your continued professional development, it is important to know what may cause you to have adversity with an INTJ.

1. NEVER ask about their past.

INTJs have their introverted sensing in their demon slot. Since this is the memory of past experiences, and the demon slot is low awareness and negative focused, an INTJ will for the most part only remember negative past experiences. Therefore, asking about personal things may trigger an intense emotional response, where the negative emotional responses may begin to be associated with conversations with you. There also exists the potential for them to distrust you as they will begin to question your intentions, as their extroverted intuition exists in the nemesis slot, which means they are constantly worried about the intentions of those around them “What possible reason could they want to know this? Are they trying to figure out my weaknesses to hurt me?”.

By asking an INTJ about their past, you risk making them distrust you, and associate negative emotions towards interacting with you. If you are going to talk about an INTJs past, make sure they are the one to initiate the topic which you are discussing. If they are initiating topics about personal topics, this is a good sign, it means they trust and/or like you.

2. Do not treat them with contempt.

An INTJ will often think highly of themselves, while being hyper critical of themselves to force improvement. Should you act like you are better than them, their extroverting thinking parent (supplemented by introverted thinking critic) will immediately think “You think you’re better than me? You therefore must be an idiot, because you’re not. I went through the trials and tribulations of x,y and z to get to where I am and you only did half of x”. If an INTJ is in a position of authority over you, all your future ideas will be regarded as stupid and disregarded, unless absolutely extraordinary.

3. Do not take them for granted.

An INTJ loves to give good experiences to those around them. This can be anything from random acts of generosity, courtesy, making jokes, etc. They may begin to resent you for you run the risk of them thinking you’re trying to manipulate them (Yes, extroverted intuition nemesis again). The rationale behind these thoughts can be something along the lines of “Hey I’m doing something nice for you, why are you treating me this way? The punishment does not fit the crime, therefor you must be trying to…” Where what they believe you might be getting up to can be literally anything.

To avoid this, just be sincere around them, and show appreciation for the things you appreciate, give credit where it is due. Don’t play games because they will see right through it, and then begin guessing motives which are far worse than what the motives may be.

4. NEVER betray their trust.

If you ever betray an INTJs trust, you might as well write them out of your life. This is because you are hitting both their extroverted intuition nemesis, and introverted sensing demon. What this means is, you are confirming any suspicions that they might have ever held about you, and since the introverted sensing demon only remembers bad things you’ve done, it will not be counterbalanced by all the good things you’ve done. To make things worse, you become stupid zoned as they begin to think “I’m awesome, and if you betrayed me, you must be too stupid to recognize that, and I want nothing to do with you.”. This makes a very deep hole which is EXTREMELY difficult to get yourself out of. While it may still be possible with literally what may be years of work to get out of, it is FAR easier to not fall in the hole to begin with.

5. Do not chastise them unfairly.

It is extremely important that if you ever chastise an INTJ, your position is just and fair, because the extraverted thinking parent of an INTJ is tracking the mistakes of everyone, and you accusing of committing a crime they haven’t committed, or giving an unjust punishment for what they have done is going to create an enemy you wish you never had. This occurs because doing injustice to an INTJ wakes up their introverted sensing demon function, triggering the ISFJ justice-based superego. Dealing with the an the ISFJ super ego is extremely difficult, as it is all about getting even, however getting even can involve them overreacting and punishing you beyond to account for “pain and suffering”. If you ever find yourself in this situation, IMMEDIATELY apologize, as the anger kindles further the more they strategize how to “get even”.

6. NEVER deprive them of their day in court.

Like number 5, if you do fairly chastise them, but fail to give them their day in court to defend themselves. This is because of the INTJs sense of what is fair to them through their extraverted thinking parent. You need to give them the chance to explain their actions, because they are constantly misunderstood by the SJ and SP societies they were forced to live in. In fact, they are so complicated you need to consider the fact that you are misunderstanding them, and you are in the wrong. An INTJ will always know their intentions, and is more than happy to explain them to, if you let them. If you don’t, you will immediately get regarded as stupid, and someone not worth spending time with. On top of this, introverted sensing demon will get activated from extraverted thinking’s perception of injustice, and ISFJ super ego is activated.

Good luck.

7. Not completing tasks given by them.

INTJs are of the finisher interaction style, which means they like things being completed. It also means they have trouble starting, but when they do, they maniacally push forward until it is completed. If an INTJ gives you a task, their brain is constantly itching for progress and it being completed, stagnation will continue to itch at their brain and slowly drive them angrier and angrier. This occurs because the INTJ wants the project to be completed, however its freedom gets restricted if you begin to throw wrenches in their carefully constructed plans. This risks you being regarded as stupid and written out of the future plans of the INTJ. Introverted sensing demon goes forward only remembering the time you failed to complete your task on time and caused them that irritation.

8. Do not behave like a fool around them.

INTJs have extroverted thinking which means they are constantly deconstructing the thought processes of people around them. A common theme you might have seen in the previous triggers, is that it often involves them thinking you’re stupid, and dismissing you. If an INTJ thinks you’re stupid, they will never trust you. Even if they think you aren’t malicious, they can never trust you going forward, because they will think you may betray them, even if it occurs by accident.

9. NEVER restrict their freedom.

Because of the introverted intuition hero, an INTJ knows EXACTLY what they want. They are constantly moving forward to achieving that goal, and if you tell them they can’t have that goal, or deliberately put hurdles to prevent them from achieving that goal, they will begin to grow angry through a phenomenon known as extroverted sensing rage.

If you are ever in a position of authority over an INTJ, and you must always give them options to choose from. You cannot choose for them, because you are getting in the way of their hero function which will just try and bulldoze you over, and rebel against your authority.

For a more in-depth look at the INTJ personality type, check out my Who are the INTJs Post, or all of my INTJ posts.

20
Leave a Reply

avatar
10 Comment threads
10 Thread replies
0 Followers
 
Most reacted comment
Hottest comment thread
13 Comment authors
OzrenJayPFool’s GoldMarkCurtis Muffly Recent comment authors
  Subscribe  
newest oldest most voted
Notify of
Lauren Fuller
Guest
Lauren Fuller

I found this to be a really interesting and helpful article to aid me in continuing to keep the harmony in my INTJ relationships.

I do want to point out that there is a typo in the 8th point above. It reads, “deconstructing the though processes”, and should be “thought”. I wouldn’t have mentioned it, but I know how thorough you like to be with your material, and I don’t want an INTJ coming along and bashing you for your typo in an otherwise spot-on article.

C.S. Joseph
Guest

Thanks for that, I’ll get it updated.

Corvo
Guest
Corvo

As an INTJ, I can confirm all of these points to be 100% bang on. I’m not intolerant but I don’t suffer fools for a second. Don’t lie to me, I can see through experts and you, are not an expert. Betray my trust when I’ve invested in you? You’re history, no prisoners will be taken or second chances given.

C.S. Joseph
Guest

Right on man, thanks for the feedback

Chase

Curtis Muffly
Guest
Curtis Muffly

Pardon me! In my last posting I only mentioned the typos I noticed, however, this was an accurate article and I enjoyed reading it.

Mark
Guest
Mark

This article spelled out the ISFJ superego perfectly. We tend to ‘live and let live’. So when there is betrayal, or if it looks like somebody is trying to ruin our future, we can go for the jugular. The perpetrator is seen as unnecessary ignorant, selfish, and callous. They get treble damages to 1.) pay for direct losses 2.) suffer for being incredibly stupid and ignorant and 3.) to shut them down, so the person is no longer a threat for us or anyone else. It’s like a parent who sees their child getting bullied or abused. They could literally… Read more »

Curtis Muffly
Guest
Curtis Muffly

Actually there are a few typos in this I would correct. I didn’t have any trouble understanding the intended meanings of the few typos I found but I imagine it will create some difficulty for other people. I would love to help you find these and point them out for you, however, I have to leave the house now and will be busy for quite some time.

Lynda
Guest
Lynda

Painfully accurate. However, I’d like to point out that INTJs often find others stupid and lazy due to the fact that we value learning and accomplishment so much and find it difficult to empathize with those who do not possess a thirst for knowledge and a focused work ethic. I often hear the accusation, “You think you’re so smart. You think you know everything.” Nothing could be further from the truth! INTJs are quite aware of our limitations and always seek answers and self-improvement, as you mentioned in this post. Due to my analyzing nature, when I hear accusations such… Read more »

Curtis Muffly
Guest
Curtis Muffly

I do that too. And the older I get the quicker it happens.

Bee
Guest
Bee

This is spot on.

K.W
Guest
K.W

I am a female INTJ. Trust issues are my biggest battle. I am always assessing, judging and analysing persons and their worth (to my cause, society and others) and their ability to meet my expectations. If I have deemed one a fool it is after much consideration and assessment to my logic (I have different levels of foolery). Bang on, a fool to an INTJ is not considered trustworthy. Anyone who has ever betrayed my trust I have quit them, some instantly and some over time pending the level and depth of the friendship (everyone deserves a fair trial even… Read more »

Curtis Muffly
Guest
Curtis Muffly

I do the same thing with people. Every once in a great while I will ask them a question I already know the answer to it and see if they will lie to me. I have noticed that many people will seem to lie even if the truth is better.

Summer M. Christensen
Guest
Summer M. Christensen

Loved this! So accurate. Since finding out I am an INTJ, these articles are so insightful and bring me so much relief knowing there are others like me. Makes me feel like less of a jerk lol.

Jason
Guest
Jason

I walk away from people all the time for any of the above 9 things stated above. These individuals might as well cease to exist as far as I’m concerned. There is a good reason I limit my interactions with the humans I cross paths with.

Curtis Muffly
Guest
Curtis Muffly

I thought I was alone in the world for a long time too. LOL.

Fool’s Gold
Guest
Fool’s Gold

an intj is suppose to spend weeks months years explaining things to people who won’t listen for free? Hours for free is reasonable. Screening people and the constant preparation to be able to do it is an unpaid community service. Catch now and advert a future disaster that may or may not even be in my future circles. Intjs do admit when they are wrong or unsure about something because they are always learning, exploring, and improving. They will never ever ever ever ever ever ram through their points in an argument if they are not right unless it is… Read more »

Fool’s Gold
Guest
Fool’s Gold

Beating Pokémon and catching them all is game over for the player. Who beat Pokémon as a kid and caught them all? Game over!!! We need to collectively help others make new Pokémon that we might never catch. Wow just wow. Sometimes Games play players too.

Fool’s Gold
Guest
Fool’s Gold

Don’t just study the masters. Study the people who didnt make it and try to articulate why they didnt make it. Study bad stuff to find out why the good stuff is good. Work.

JayP
Guest
JayP

Very insightful. Few of us take the time for this. Everyone studies the masters. Understanding why others failed is where the real learning occurs and can lead to the differentiation of ourselves from the masses.

Ozren
Member
Ozren

Cool post Jabba!