S12E12 – What Types Are Socially Compatible With INTJs?

Transcript:

Chase: 00:02 Hey. It’s CS Joseph with CSJoseph.life doing another episode, season 12, episode 12, on what types are socially compatible with INTJs. These lectures have been taking a long time, and as far as social compatibility goes it’s a huge amount of effort to do them. So I’m actually going to run through it pretty [quick] today. I’ll be as accurate as I can, and make sure that I don’t leave anything out, but I try to keep the tangents to a minimum as much as I can while making sure that we’re getting through it because these are taking a very long time to do. So I just kind of want to get this particular lecture series finished so that I can also, you know, dive into a lot of the funner stuff as well because – let’s be honest – this lecture series is getting a little redundant; but I got to get through all of them so that, you know, again, the foundation is laid for future discussion, et cetera.

Chase: 01:02 So, anyway. [We’re gonna], [we’re gonna], we’re gonna dive in here. So… social compatibility of the INTJ. The INTJ is the strategist. They are direct, responding, movement. They are finishers. They see things through. Focused. Always focused on the finish. Not so much the start. As far as starting goes they have a really hard time starting new things, but they could definitely finish things that are already in progress as well as cause, you know, improvements with whatever thing, or task, or object, or project. That is to make sure that it’s done, and it’s done well, and kind of a perfectionist about it, but it’s pretty, it’s pretty interesting what they’re able to do as a result of that; and they could do this in a amazing, strategic, routine, process-oriented way that makes sense, and allows others to follow along. Provided the others, you know, have enough Logos in their heads to be able to do it, for example, so that’s just kinda how it goes.

Chase: 02:00 It’s kind of [how they] how they really approach things this way, and with social compatibility it’s no different. They apply process to their relationships. Which, I mean, they have Fe trickster, right? [you know] So, they’re one of the few types that really struggles with social interaction, but it’s actually a good thing that they have that struggle because they’re able to approach people in a more scientific, more process-oriented way. Which not only is cute, and actually really endearing, but it’s actually… helps make sense, at least to me, you know, because I’m an ENTP, so we’re going to talk about that in a minute. So anyway, let’s get onto the disclaimer as per usual. There’s cognitive redundancy when it comes to social compatibility. Remember, social compatibility is all about friendship.

Chase: 02:51 It’s not about romantic relationships. It’s not about professional relationships where social compatibility is all about friendship; and friendship is face-to-face relationships and shoulder to shoulder relationships effectively mixed together over a weighted average which creates this algorithm with which I’m able to derive the order of social compatibility based on cognitive functions for the INTJ type. The cognitive functions fit together like a puzzle, like I say almost every one of these lectures, for example; and, you know, some of them are easier, more easier to fit with others, and we’re going to explain that as we go through this lecture. So cognitive redundancy is basically as evolution’s way of our psyche to protect our psyche because we are aware as a race that one man, or one woman, cannot make it all the way.

Chase: 03:39 We have to have relationships with fellow human beings in order to accomplish something, right? So those accomplishments are made possible through a relationship, and ye, just because you don’t have functional compatibility doesn’t mean your relationship, or your friendship, is going to fail because you could have high camaraderie; but the camaraderie lands more in the direction of professional relationships, or working relationships, instead of not as much as face to face relationships. Camaraderie is, like, when you have two STPs, or two NTPs, two NTJs, two INJs, two ENJs, two ISJs, two ISPs, for example. People with the same interaction style. The same temperament, etc. That counts as camaraderie. So the camaraderie does not equal compatibility.

Chase: 04:29 Compatibility is about cognitive functions coming together and being in synchronization with each other. If you don’t know what that means please review my playlist on cognitive synchronicity, right? If you have reviewed cognitive synchronicity then you have, basically, everything you need to know, you know, about how the functions are, like, basically playing a game of Pac-man. Extrarverted functions are trying to eat the introverted functions. Trying to consume the introverted functions. They’re seeking introverted functions because the introverted functions are sources of data, or information, sources of psyche, sources of energy, like, sources of positive energy that the extraverted negative energy is trying to get at, trying to consume, trying to orbit, trying to be around, right?

Chase: 05:14 Think about it, like, like objects coming into orbit. Like, electrons, you know, with their negative charge have, you know, are orbiting, you know, the nucleus of an atom. It’s very similar with how our minds work, and that’s why our minds are like radios; and so if you haven’t done… If you don’t know about that watch my lecture on the eight cognitive spectra as that will explain exactly how our minds are kind of like a radio, and how they are compatible together. I believe at the end of this lecture I’ll have links available, for both of those videos and/or playlist, et cetera, so that way you don’t get left behind. So anyway, for those of you listening on the podcast I’m going to now name out the compatibilities for the types for the INTJ. So we have NPs at the top, SJs second, MJs third, SPs fourth, and then zoom in a little bit we have NTPs at the top.

Chase: 06:08 SFJs are second; NFPs third; STJs fourth; STPs fifth; NFJs sixth; SFPs seventh; and NTJs on eighth, and now the list of the entire 16 types in order from top to bottom. Top being a deeper meaningful friendship, bottom being more of an acquaintance, from a distance, at arms-length relationship that would be beneficial, you know, for an INTJ to have a friendship, or social, or be socially compatible with, right? So here’s the list. Number one, it is the ENTP. That’s me. Number two is the INTP. Number three is the ESFJ. Number four is the ISFJ. Number five is the ENFP. Number six is the INFP. Number seven is the ESTJ. Number eight is the ISTJ. Number nine is the ESTP; 10 is ISTP; 11 is ENFJ; 12 is INFJ; 13 is ESFP; 14 is ISFP; 15 is ENTJ; and 16 is the INTJ. {lost my point two marker. I guess I’ll have no choice but to use this purple one, you know, because it kind of matches my shirt -ish. Why not}?

Chase: 07:21 So because this is, you know, [the] one of the introverts for social compatibility we’re going to be starting with the negative relationships and working our way up to the positive relationships. So let’s look at INTJ versus INTJ compatibility, and if you notice here the shortest distance between two points is a straight line. The more distance a cognitive function has to travel, and… [the] the least, the more mental energy is required to actually meet that other cognitive function. It causes the other person in the relationship to be very tired. Not only that because each cognitive function has a positive or negative charge to it through optimism versus pessimism, sometimes, you know, having a… negative charge and a positive charge, depending on which slot it is, can also produce additional conflict, or additional problems, right?

Chase: 08:11 So we have extraverted intuition nemesis. This INTJ is worried about this other INTJ’s intent, and then as a result is very distrustful of this INTJ. Same thing goes here, and they’re both trying to make each other loyal. They have the inferior function trying to commune with the demon that’s going to go over. Well, I mean, like, how? That’s just going to make the Se inferior even more afraid, and then as a result these two types will grow apart, and there just won’t be really, you know… They’re not even aware of how each other feel. They’re constantly trying to expect the other one to verify all the time. Like, imagine if these two types were on a school project, right? You have two INTJs doing a school project for, like,, say a graduate program and it’s just not going to go very well, you know.

Chase: 08:53 It’s electronic engineering technology major. They’re getting their master’s degree, and they’re just competing with each other, and then trying to separate the lab work on the other… Trying to obligate each other, and it’s just not going to work at all. Worrying about the other’s intent. “Is this person going to sell me out on my peer review?”, etc. It just turns into an absolute nightmare. So INTJ. ENTJ is a little different. ENTJ is all about, you know, they’re in charge. They’re direct, they’re initiating their control. The INTJ is moving way too quick which causes the ENTJ because… [you know] If they’re in charge for a project, for example, or if they’re on the job, or if they’re a family member, they’re just judging the INTJ as someone who moves too quickly. Someone who doesn’t verify everything, verify their belief system all the time… constantly, you know, you know.

Chase: 09:46 [They’re] they’re trying to obligate the, you know, the child’s interfacing with the demon. That’s not going to work. They’re going to, you know, try to obligate them their Si, you know, an the INTJ is hoping that the ENTJ will be loyal to them; but that’s not going to happen because the ENTJ though they, like, imagine themselves trying to be loyal they’re not really loyal because they do what they want, and not what they should do; and they’re both trying to get the other to do ‘should do’ things, but the other. No, [they’re] they’re all about willpower. Although they have super high camaraderie, and if it’s just a straight up shoulder to shoulder relationship two NTJs can definitely knock it out of the park and completely own the project. The problem [is] is that there can be some incompatibilities here that leads to a loss of respect because both of them are looking at each other, and it’s like, “Well, I can be the better NTJ,” for example, you know.

Chase: 10:28 Or, like, two INTJs when they get into, like, a subconscious fight they’re like, “Well, I’m the funnier INTJ. I have a better ESFP than you do,” and it’s, like, and they’re both trying to, like, compete with their jokes, and the other is not laughing, and it’s just turns, you know. {laughs} It’s bad. An awkward situation. It’s just literally double awkwardness out of the social situation. Imagine doing, like, a politics and philosophy group on meetup.com, and you show up and there’s two INTJs and they’re both trying to compete for the attention of the group by both of them telling jokes; and then it just turns into a huge joke fest, and then people just end up getting turned off by both of them and they want to throw both of them out. That’s very typical in those two types… Two people of the same type can actually get together and they’re at the same maturity level.

Chase: 11:12 So, with that being said INTJs end up doing what they want. ENTJs criticize what they want. The INTJ is constantly verifying everything, and doesn’t like how the ENTJ, you know, doesn’t verify things as much hoping that the ENTJ would; and [it’s] basically ends up becoming a competition as to who has the better belief system – who is the better person, who’s the cooler person, etc., and, you know. They’re both hoping the other would make them feel better, but that just doesn’t happen. So, I mean, strict shoulder to shoulder relationship as well. I would recommend for this. Otherwise avoid this for social compatibility or friendship because eventually they’re just going to start judging each other, and those judgments are just going to be known, and it’s just going to degrade, and it’s going to turn into a total shit show. I don’t recommend it.

Chase: 12:00 So INTJ-ISFP. Also incompatible and different. The ISFP is like, “Oh. I need you to make me feel good, and I want to give any good experience, and I need to have the freedom to do whatever you want and I want you to think highly of me; and then the INTJ has got, like, this old grandpa and he’s like, “No. I don’t think highly of anyone. I have to verify and everything about you. I have to verify all my beliefs about you, and I can’t just believe by default at face value that you’re a good person so we have to test you and verify,” and the ISFP is like, “Well, I don’t want to be tested, you know. I, I shouldn’t have to be tested. This is crap. I shouldn’t have to be tested,” you know, Te inferior. Si {laughs} Si critic, you know, [and then] and then the ISFP ends up worrying that the INTJ is a bad person, and the ISFP ends up, you know, at first is trying to be loyal to the INTJ.

Chase: 12:47 But then it realizes it can’t because the INTJ is constantly trying to obligate the ISFP which causes the ISFP to feel like that they’re losing freedom on top of the fact the INTJ is not aware of how the ISFP feels that it ends up, I’m getting even less freedom than before.” Then the ISFP just starts to slowly withdraw until they do not have anything to do with the INTJ, and they just cut off the INTJ. Conversely, the INTJ will be equally frustrated and will likely door slam the ISFP, judging the ISFP as someone who’s lazy, inept, lacking diligence, not willing to do their duty, and potentially label them as an airhead. Although typically INTJs label the ISFP, or an ESFP, an airhead. Why is that happening? It’s because you have Te parent trying to talk to Ti demon, and it’s like, “Wow! You have, like, no Logos in you, and I’m, I’m mostly Ethos. Where’s your Logos?”

Chase: 13:38 “Well, I don’t have Logos. I have Ti demon.” Well that means you’re an airhead. Okay, really? But that can happen. You’ve got to be aware of that. ESFP with INTJ is very similar. You have Ti trickster trying to interface with Te parent. Again, the INTJ will view the ESFP as someone who is an airhead. Someone who, you know, is all about beliefs and what everyone else thinks and has no concept of verifying their own belief system. They just go with the flow. They go with everyone else’s belief system, and their own belief system is, like, based on their values instead of based on truths, and values, you know, can be incorrect. That’s why when INTJ has a belief system they have to verify their belief system all the time with Ti critic. If they’re not they’re probably immature, or they’re unhealthy, but usually INTJs with Ti credit verify their belief system which would be very necessary for them to do.

Chase: 14:29 Another thing is [is] that ESFPs are very sensitive. They have Fi parent. They have high expectations about how other people treat them, how other people think of them. If the INTJ is thinking less of them because the Te parents sees them having an airhead the ESFP is going to feel bad, and not only that the INTJ is unaware of how the ESFP feel,s and it just becomes a super contest. The ESFP is worried that they’re not being loyal enough to the INTJ, the INTJ at the same time is afraid that the ESFP will never be loyal to them because they see that they’re just, you know, criticizing their will. Which Ne critic is criticizing, you know, Ni… inferior {which is supposed to be right here for some reason. Got gotta love my [my] purple in there}. But Ni inferior is being criticized by Ne.

Chase: 15:17 And it’s like, “Yeah, you know. You never know what you want. Why do you never know what you want? I go out of my way to plan everything,” and then it just turns into a competition where the…, where the ESFP is like, “Well, I can be a better INTJ than you,” and the INTJ is like, “Well, I could be a better ESFP than you,” because they… They share their subconscious, and they’re, like, polar opposites in that way. Completely polar opposites. I mean, look at the amount of distance that the cognitive functions have to go, you know, and it is a huge amount of traffic here. It’s a huge traffic jam. It’s like [you’re] you’re jamming the radio. You’re jamming the channel, right? And they’re not able to get the data that they’re looking for, and [they’re not], and they have to travel into the shadow instead of the ego.

Chase: 15:54 And it just turns into a mess and they’re not really able to have the best friendship or relationship. Now, that’s not to say that an INTJ can’t learn from an ESFP because if an INTJ spends time in the shadows with their ENTP unconscious they can observe with Se inferior what the ESFP does, and how the ESFP performs in their natural state. Which is basically in front of a crowd, for example, or the center of attention at a party, and that INTJ can start taking mental notes of the ESFP’s behavior and learn how to perform better with their own ESFP. Conversely, the ESFP can also do the same thing with the INTJ and actually learn strategies. So in this kind of relationship, though they are polar opposites, there is a huge opportunity for personal growth, a huge opportunity for learning as long as it’s, like, casual from a distance observation and not up close and personal like [with the other] with the other types.

Chase: 16:52 So this can… this relationship can be useful, but it’s outside of the realm of social compatibility or friendship. It’s more inside the realm of, of, of learning. So, and this is what you call a duality relationship. Duality relationships are, according to Socionics, the absolute highest compatibility, which is absolutely not true. While two NTJs is, like, highest camaraderie, technically it’s super high camaraderie within duality, but duality I’ve come to realize after doing more research recently that duality is basically how the types can learn the best from each other. It’s like that one pairing where, you know, it’s like the teacher to the apprentice or the apprentice to the teacher. Although that’s not necessarily true because there is a pedagogue relationship out there, like, for example, ENTPs and INFJs.

Chase: 17:43 They have a pedagogue relationship where the INFJ can teach the ENTP, and vice versa. I mean, I did learn this form of psychology from an INFJ while I was homeless. That was pretty cool. So, I mean, but again, these can [can] teach each other about each other’s subconsciouses which allows the subconscious in both types to actually develop and flourish; and it also, believe it or not, reduces the insecurity. I know some people have asked about, you know, how do I handle a personal growth, et cetera, and the, you know, and my fourth inferior functions. How do I turn into an aspirational? The answer is to really get over your fear, but to help you get over your fear all you have to do is watch, you know, somebody who has the ego of your subconscious. Watch how they behave. Watch how they… Watch, how they do things, and you can choose:

Chase: 18:29 “Okay, they do really well with this area, but they don’t do really well in this area,” and you can kind of cherry pick what you want and then adjust your behavior for your subconscious which will cause you to become less afraid because you have a lot more data than you had before because you’re watching them interact with other people, et cetera. So awesome. Okay, so that is the bottom four compatibility relationships. Not very high in social compatibility, very acquaintance, from-a-distance, shoulder length; but there is still some value in these relationships for high camaraderie. You can have learning, and help develop the subconscious which is useful. Although this is just a lot of hurt feelings and, I mean… {ha ha} Competition. Like, insane competition.

Chase: 19:14 So, and then the INTJ-ISFJ relationship. Fourth highest. This is [the] the hero and the inferior function having a conversation with each other. The inferior function is – because it’s the fourth relationship within social compatibility – inferior function is really at the mercy of the hero. If both types are mature it’ll be a great relationship, and it will be the highest possible. Personal development in a close relationship. Not, not, not a long distance, you know, at a distance relationship, like this one, like, INTJ-ESFP; but this one super high personal growth provided that the weight of the hero functions are not crushing the inferior functions. If Ni hero is not making Ne inferior afraid, or, you know, or if Si hero is not making the performance anxiety of Se inferior afraid […]

Chase: 20:06 […] there’s really going to be a good relationship because Si hero, for example, can help hone the Se inferior so that the Se inferior could get, you know, because [Si] if Si hero is comfortable with Se inferior – Se inferior will aspire, and be able to deliver the ultimate experience to the ISFJ. Be that in the kitchen, be that in the bedroom, be that at a party, [it] or any physical feat, or how they dress, it doesn’t matter. Whatever is in Se land… Whatever’s in Se land the the ISFJ will rise to the occasion, and helps stretch and extract that Se aspirational out. The thing is that if either one of these types has an immaturity problem, or they’re not as developed, they can actually strike fear in each and that can develop hatred, bitterness, and just a lot of problems within this relationship. I do not recommend it in that regard.

Chase: 20:55 But if there is really high maturity it’s definitely a relationship worth having as long as the ISFJ stays faithful and loyal to the INTJ. The INTJ has the freedom to do whatever they want without making the ISFJ afraid. Sometimes the INTJ will have to dial down. They’re wanting to dial down their impulsiveness. Dial down their movement, basically. Slow down a little bit so the ISFJ can catch up. That way the ISFJ doesn’t get whiplash and is not afraid of the INTJ, but it definitely can work from a relationship. INTJ is aware of what the ISFJ thinks. The ISFJ is aware of how the INTJ feels. The ISFJ is aware of what the INTJ wants within reason. Why they’re not being afraid, and the INTJ is aware of the experience it wants to give the ISFJ, and the ISFJ will seek to protect the INTJ. The problem is [although] sometimes the ISFJ can start obligating the INTJ and take the INTJ’s freedom.

Chase: 21:48 Especially in familial situations, but if the INTJ is not in the mood, or doesn’t see the value of getting involved in certain familial family events of some kind the ISFJ may have a problem with that; or the ISFJ may actually listen to the INTJ and no longer push it. So this is also a potentially really good relationship from a social compatibility standpoint. Number three. We have INTJ and ESFJ. This is a great relationship. This is the most common marriage pairing for the INTJ, is the ESFJ. The ESFJ is the Supporter. They are past focused duty based protectors. They’re also starter types that get things going. Informative, initiating, movement. INTJs love starter types because starter types start the process that the INTJ can finish, and these two can really be the dynamic duo; and the child function just ends up loving the hero because they’re [they’re]… because the child gets to ride on the hero’s back as the hero is saving the world.

Chase: 22:43 and the parent functions are used to develop [the] the inferior functions, and there’s less insecurity, and more personal growth that can be available to both these types, and it’s just fantastic. Te parent can teach Ti inferior how to think better. Si parent can teach Se inferior on how to give a better experience and take away that performance anxiety. It really is an amazing relationship to have, and one that I recommend. Just [the] also the parent functions can… While they can also protect the child from the hero as well which can be very important. The thing is though, you just got to watch out for parent-to-inferior because in the same way you have to worry about hero-to-inferior in the previous relationship is because they can be crushing to the inferior function, but not as much. At the end of the day the ESFJ will be loyal and supportive to the INTJ, and the INTJ will have the freedom that they need to do what they want.

Chase: 23:36 But they will always help the ESFJ be organized, and do what they think, and, you know, not be left behind. They’re both movement types which is great, you know. A starter at starting things and finishing things, and the INTJ just definitely knows how they feel, and that really makes the ESFJ happy because they always are able to, “Oh, I know what you feel, you know,” and, “I need to know what you want because I just want to give you what you want at all times,” and they could really have a very long lasting relationship; and I am told by many INTJs that marriage of ESFJs is absolutely exquisite. So I would recommend this relationship for sure. Especially in a friendship scenario for INTJs. Especially since the ESFJ can go, like, INTP mode, and be, like, a cointellectual with an INTJ; and the INTJ can go ESFP comedian mode and really make the ESFJ laugh. It’s really nice.

Chase: 24:29 So we’re going to skip to number one, and then do number two right after that. So INTJ-ENTP relationship. This is highest compatibility available for social compatibility for INTJs. INTJs know what they want. ENTPs know what they want. No conflict. ENTPs know what they think. INTJs know what they think. No conflict. INTJs know how they feel. Entps know how they feel. No conflict. INTJs are aware of the experience that they want to give the ENTP. ENTPs are aware of the experience they want to get, and they will tell the INTJ so it works out. ENTPs are worried about their own future. INTJs are worried about the future of the ENTP, and will seek to help that so there’s no conflict. ENTPs are aware of what the INTJs are thinking of how critical they are in their thinking, their verification. INTJs are also very critical towards their own thinking so no conflict.

Chase: 25:22 ENTPs are not aware of how they feel. Guess what? INTJs are not aware of how ENTPs feel either so no conflict; and INTJs don’t really care about the experience that they’re getting, and grid thing. ENTPs don’t really care about the experience they’re giving either. I mean, come on. Look at me. I’m doing these lectures as an ENTP. Not really concerned about the experience my audience is getting. I’m focused about producing the content. What the audience does, or how the audience reacts is on the audience. It’s not on me per se because I’m sharing my personal experience as well as my research as well as the content, and my life’s work because I’ve been working on this for 10 years, right? It’s not really about the audience insomuch as it is about my personal journey, and I’m sharing that with the audience so that they can observe me, right? It’s more of an Si [Si] experience for you watching me – Se experience – right, for example.

Chase: 26:16 So, which is kind of interesting because fellow Si users, when they watch these lectures, they’re like, “Well, you’re not giving me a good experience,” because they’re there watching it hoping for an Se experience, but… I’m an Si user with Se demon. I mean, how’s that going to work? [It’s] It’s not. So, anyway. This relationship is super awesome. Each function is able to get what it means directly across. [there]. There’s… there’s no conflict. There is no interference at the end of the other functions. They’re able to go directly across. This relationship is absolutely fantastic… It’s super positive [has] an insane amount of fireworks. They could finish each other’s sentences. It’s unbelievable. However, it can have the opportunity of blowing up in everyone’s face because of just so how deep, and so how ingrained it can… So that when there’s pain in this relationship the pain can be just as huge as the pleasure is huge, right? So you just have to remember that.

Chase: 27:12 The highest compatibility – it can be a good thing, but it can be a bad thing in that way because you guys just know every facet of each other’s soul, but it can be… and read you like a book, but you can’t. [It’s almost] it’s almost going too deep in certain places. I don’t mind because I have great relationships with INTJs, and there’s some INTJs out there that I have bad relationships with, and it could be maturity level. I’ve noticed INTJs who are a lot older than me you know. They get very judgmental, and they end up having this professorial point of view where they’re, like, trying to teach me, or dictate to me my thinking, and tell me my thinking is flawed, and, like, I’m wrong all the time; [and then they] and then it just comes off as very patronizing, and they don’t even realize… that I’m thinking that they’re being patronizing or disrespectful to me at all, right, [and] because I have to tell them, and then it’s like, “Okay!”

Chase: 28:04 Si inferior kicks in, and it’s like, “Okay, well is this going to be a pattern for them when they’re talking to me in this tone, or is it just like a one and done?” So I have to wait and kind of verify, and see if it’s a pattern; and then, like, three or four times down the road, “It’s like, okay. They have the same tone, so probably not best to interface this INTJ anymore until this INTJ develops a little bit more, or we actually have a conversation. Talk it out. Set up standards and boundaries because, you know, four pillars self into the city. You want to have boundaries, right; and then as after communicating, and setting up those boundaries, setting those expectations, making commitments to each other in relationships, they’re able to have it really well because, remember; ENTPs are not going to be loyal to INTJs right off the bat. The INTJ would like that, but the INTJ has to earn that loyalty of the ENTP which can be difficult for INTJs who are either lacking in maturity…

Chase: 28:57 Or it could even be difficult when the ENTP itself is lacking in maturity because if there’s this human nurture disparity it doesn’t matter how compatible your relationship is going to be, it may not actually work. So there has to be a similarity in maturity. It has to be, like, an equally yoked point of view, right? You have to do that from a human nurture standpoint to really get all the benefit from human nature. Super important. That’s why, you know, any potential relationship – your romantic, friendship, professional relationship – is possible with the right amount of communication, the right amount of maturity. Although that’s not to say that it’s not going to cost a huge amount of mental energy, and you would probably get exhausted by having to climb a hill every single day to try to meet the other person, hoping that the other person will be at the top when you get there, and sometimes they’re not.

Chase: 29:44 Versus a relationship where it’s, like, a downhill glide. Very nice experience. You’re just able to come down, you know, come to each other at the bottom of the hill, and that’s what this relationship could be. Again, human nurture versus human nature. You have to make sure that both are pretty well in balance. So ENTP – So the ENTP let’s the INTJ do whatever they want. They have the freedom, and the ENTP appreciates that because the ENTP – knowing what the INTJ wants – allows the ENTP to function, and it knows how to be dutiful to the INTJ. The ENTP also gets the freedom to think whatever they want, and then use Logos to prove the INTJ incorrect when they’re using their Ethos, for example. The INTJ has that moral compass that the ENTP needs because the ENTP has Fi trickster, and they’re just really ethical. They’re just like an ethics bot.

Chase: 30:30 Having that relationship with an INTJ is super important because using the INTJ’s moral compass allows the ENTP to kind of mirror that ,and behave morally themselves, or, like, they’re like a feeling vampire. Fe is hooking that Fi, extracting the moral behavior from that Fi – provided it’s not corrupted, provided it is pure – and then they can start behaving morally themselves as with the INTJ. Extraverted sensing is absolutely fantastic. Se inferior is amazing. Although they had that performance anxiety, and they have that insecurity, because the ENTP is insecure with themselves about the experiences that they’re having because Si inferior. I have Si inferior. Si inferior is like… I’m afraid of doing things I’ve never done before. I’m afraid of being outside of my comfort zone, and because I’m already afraid of that the INTJ is afraid of putting me outside of my comfort zone, right?

Chase: 31:21 So we’re already meeting each other at that level, and, you know. When I’m in a relationship with an INTJ, or friend, or maybe even a sexual relationship, I could just tell, you know, my INTJ woman, and be like, “Listen. You already make me super comfortable by default. Like, even if we’re in the bedroom I don’t think it’s possible for you to do, like, a bedroom faux pas or, or make a mistake or something that would cause me to change my opinion about you on a whim.” ENTPs do not change opinions about people on a whim. That’s not to say that ENTPs can’t make fast decisions. Like, for example, you know, they’re dating some girl, and then all of a sudden they break up the girl, and then the following day they already have a new date, right, because they’re able to make decisions like that, but that’s not to say that they didn’t make that decision overnight.

Chase: 32:08 That decision was, like, if they made that decision, that decision was, like, many, many, many months, potentially six months, in the making ahead of time; and then yet the NJs, especially the INTJ, would complain, “Oh, you just dropped me like a hat.” No, you were kind of oblivious to how you are treating me over the last six months, and I just made the decision now and I’m done, you know. That kind of thing. Luckily Si inferior will [will] start to exhibit signs it’s really uncomfortable, and then Ti parent may complain about certain situations, and Te critic may start to criticize the INTJ [for their] for their thinking, and what they’re doing; and there are signs to the ENTP, but if Fe trickster is, like, really, really bad, and, you know, the ENTP is not spelling it out for the INTJ; or the ENTP does not believe justice speaking that the INTJ deserves to have it spelled out to them which is hypocritical, I’ll admit it.

Chase: 33:05 Then, you know, the INTJ may actually not end up having the right to remediate. I mean, yes, it’s important that NTPs and NTJs… NTPs give their NTJs the right to remediate a situation, or NJs the right to remediate; but sometimes NPs do not believe that NJs deserve the right to remediate. So they’ll just stay silent until they finally just decided, “You know what? There’s this constant pattern of behavior. Three, four or five times of behavior, and then the relationship is over,” and I have done that to two NJ relationships in my life. One of them was an NFJ, and one of them was an NTJ, where I’ve had to, like, just stop the relationship after, like, a really bad pattern of abusive behavior, you know. Like, for the NFJ there was, like, five huge bad scenarios where I was disrespected, and it’s like, “Okay, wow. I should probably just move on from them because this pattern of behavior is not going to change.

Chase: 34:04 And yes, I did criticize them towards the beginning about it, but it’s, like, none of those words, like, hit them. They’re, you know, they are too corrupted by, you know, the mirroring of corrupted people in their life, and it didn’t matter what I said. Not only that, they were comparing me with their Te trickster to other people, and it’s just kinda like, “There’s not much I can do if I’m just going to be straw manned,” so I decided to move on. For example, you know, the NTJ was a little bit different. It was more of jumping to conclusions about my intentions at all times. Ne nemesis can jump to conclusions, can assume disloyalty even though, and then start accusing the ENTP of disloyalty, and the ENTP is like, “Well, if I’m going to do at the time,” because, you know, NTPs do this, “But if I’m going to do the time I may as well do the crime.”

Chase: 34:48 We do not like being accused of things that we didn’t do. It’s a huge injustice, and that just makes NTPs decide to not really criticize their NJ anymore. Their, their, their NTJ, or NFJ, for example… the NTP won’t criticize them which will reduce the opportunities that the, you know, for example, the INTJ has to remediate the problem within the relationship, right? So you got to be super careful about that. Make sure – to avoid that – you communicate. It’s very important to communicate. The ENTP needs to communicate how they’re being made uncomfortable, or if they feel, if they think they’re being disrespected, you know, etc.; and asking the INTJ to verify their beliefs about them if the INTJs jump to conclusions about their behavior. [It really] anything with this relationship can be solved with communication and maturity. Any problem.

Chase: 35:45 There is no excuse. There’s really no excuse for this type to, like, break up or not have a relationship as long as they are actually communicating. It is important. The burden of communication is on both sides, but, you know, the burden is different. It’s more like the ENTP needs to, you know, give the INTJ the opportunity to remediate the situation and criticize them properly ;and then the INTJ needs to have an open mind and realize that their belief system about the ENTP may not actually be true, and they should probably verify it with their Ti critic instead of listening to the paranoia from their extraverted. intuition nemesis. That’s not going to work. Luckily though for the ENTP Ni nemesis while I worry about my own future INTJs can help me in my future by researching things and providing recommendations about my health. That would help me, like, because I get worried about my health all the time. You know.

Chase: 36:37 Just watch “The Aviator.” Howard Hughes. Leonardo Dicaprio’s portrayal of Howard Hughes. That’s, like, the best movie I’ve seen about an ENTP because Howard Hughes is an ENTP who’s very Si inferior throughout… throughout the movie; and then also Steve Jobs with Michael Fassbender that’s also in a fantastic film about ENTP Steve Jobs, etc. So just to give you an idea of the difference. So… and then we already talked about verification of beliefs. We already talked about how, well, ENTPs don’t really know how they feel so they don’t really exhibit moral behaviors. They’re always asking the INTJ how they feel about things so that they can behave morally, and the ENTP provides the INTJ social awareness. If I went to a social situation with an with an INTJ I would give the INTJ tips about the social situation so they know how to behave so that… they’re not afraid of giving someone a bad experience with a social situation like a party.

Chase: 37:32 Conversely, the INTJ has also given me fashion advice so I don’t look ugly or frumpy when I go to that social situation. Thank you NJs for that. I love that. Thank you for making sure that I’m don’t look ugly, or retarded, or super, super nerdy when I go to a party. That’s nice. Thank you for doing that, and then… Se demon {laughs} gets a little bit interesting around Si demon because Si demon, you know… INTJs can just really push themselves too far and Se demon is like, “No. You need to stop pushing yourself too far. You’re making me uncomfortable,” you know. It’s like, it’s the reverse of the Se-Si, you know, axis. [so] Which we haven’t talked about external axes. We’ve talked about internal axes of the functions, but we haven’t talked about external ones because inasmuch as, you know, these two are linked, these two are linked, these two are linked, these two are linked also on the other side, these two are linked, these two are linked, these two are linked…

Chase: 38:31 …and these two are linked; and it’s very interesting to see how that equilibrium of information is passing through the functions, but we haven’t talked about that. This is a little tiny reveal for you right now, but you’ll see where I’m going with it. Wow. I’m getting at 38 minutes, and I said I was going to make this one a fast one. I guess, like, you know, I’m… I’m insincere today, right? I’m just going with the flow. Who cares? I’m really enjoying this lecture. So INTJ-INTP. Super similar to ENTP. Absolutely super similar. Although there are advantages here with ENTP-INTJ because you have starter type with a finishing type and they just kind of go together. You have a background type with a finishing type. Background type can start things, but they have to be motivated to do it.

Chase: 39:11 Luckily the INTJ who was worried about the INTP motivation can actually provide them options to help them motivate things. They can give the INTP a super good experience to keep them comfortable, and it can be a really, really good relationship. The INTP is super loyal to INTJs. Actually technically twice as loyal as an ENTP would be, and it really helps the… [the performance] the performance anxiety, you know, within the INTJ. There’s built in humility amongst the functions here because you have the parent interfacing with the hero, and then you have [the] the, inferior interfacing with the child, and they just really, really build off each other. There is very little interference at all. That built in humility is really nice because the hero functions listen to the parent functions. They create an air of responsibility [between these] between these types.

Chase: 39:58 Although it requires a lot of maturity – well, not as much maturity as some of these other relationships, but it does require a slightly tinsy bit more amount of maturity and communication than potentially even the INTJ and ENTP because sometimes the INTP can get stuck in a rut, or the INTJ’s beliefs about the INTP can get stuck, and they need to be unraveled. So they have to really devote themselves to communication, and make sure that they are exhibiting that humility throughout the relationship on both sides so that they can have that communication flow. Because again, the cognitive functions are able to find everything that they want, you know, within the ego, etc.; and they don’t really have to look to the shadow for that information, but again, because they’re not on the same spectra or spectrum. Exactly. [you know] They’re just going on up, you know. [they’re] It’s important that they, that they, you know, just respect each other.

Chase: 40:53 They regard each other in such a way where they’re like, “Okay, yeah. You’re very willful. I’m just going to let you handle the willful stuff.” “Oh yeah, you’re very logical. I’m going to let you handle the thinking,” or, “You’re very dutiful. I’m going to let you handle the duties, you know, and while I just focus on giving you a good experience for you, and you just take care of all the beautiful stuff that I don’t really want to do,” [and then] and then you know, “You’re the moral person in the relationship. I’m going to let you be moral and let you lead the way in terms of being moral and being a good person,” and it really helps the INTP have a social relationship with other people; and Si child really, really benefits from the teaching of Se inferior. Especially in areas of fashion, and then…

Chase: 41:33 [and] Fe inferior really helps Fi child figure out social interaction with other people, and they can really bounce off each other, and just be this walking anchor with each other wherever they go. Plus they’re both introverts. They both go to a party event, and then they’re also like, you know, the energy level goes down; and then they just both have to retreat, and then they just kind of leave just as quickly [as they] as they came. Which can happen, but back to INTJ-ENTP in social situations. While the ENTP likes it they’re not comfortable. They’re going to be stuck in their ISFJ… subconscious, and then they’re just, like, uncomfortable; and it’s just not going to work, and it’s just drama, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, et cetera. That can be a problem. So what they’ve got to do is [is] that the INTJ starts losing energy. Needs that solitude to recharge. Goes to the ENTP, “Hey, I got to go.”

Chase: 42:19 And the ENTP is like, “Thank God! I can always use you as my out to get out of the social situation that I don’t want to be in the first place. Yes, let’s go. Let’s go home, and have fun in the bedroom; and then maybe watch some television; and then go to bed instead of being here with these, like, really annoying… or people that just make me uncomfortable constantly.” Yeah, exactly. So anyway, the INTJ, you know, worries about the intentions of the INTP, but the INTP is so critical towards their intention so there’s not really any conflict. There is no conflict there at all, and the INTP is like, “I’m worried that you’re stupid. I’m worried that you don’t verify your beliefs,” but if the INTJ is mature they’re using their Ti critic, and Ti critic gets to a point where they’re just really paying attention about verifying everything about their beliefs, and what they believe about other people, you know…

Chase: 43:03 And not… not labeling people unfairly, you know. I hate it when I get labeled unfairly by NTJs – and it happens, but I understand it. Luckily Ti parent exists to cut through the bullshit. [so] Ti hero definitely doesn’t tolerate it either, and it also cuts through the bullshit, etc. Which is nice because the INTJ realizes that their beliefs may actually be wrong. They’ll verify it again, and then they’ll adjust their belief system about the INTP, and they have a good relationship again. Again, communication is key, but they can definitely absolutely make it from a natural human nature point of view. [and then] INTP is not aware of the experience that the INTJ is going to have. Good thing the INTJ doesn’t care, and the INTJ is unaware of how the INTP feels which is great because the INTP doesn’t care how they feel.

Chase: 43:48 So, yeah. What a lecture. Forty-four minutes, huh? Anyway. That’s it for this episode – Season 12, episode 12: “What is the social compatibility of INTJs?” If you found this lecture educational, helpful, insightful, please subscribe to the channel here on YouTube or on the podcast. If you have any questions about INTJs or these social compatibility friendships please leave it in the comment section. I’ll do my best to answer your questions. Also I have a Discord server now. [it should] The link should be in the description. Go ahead and hang out with us on Discord. I’m going to be doing some live Q & A sessions on Discord in the very near future. [and] I’m not active on the Discord every single day, but I’m trying to be there, like, once a week, and answer people’s questions, etc.

Chase: 44:40 Either through text or through voice, but I’m just letting you know about that; but yes, I am there, and thank you for your patience with me. So far it’s worked out great, but we just need more people so we can keep the discussion going. It’s been fantastic to have those discussions, and I think that’s basically about it. I’ll put this lecture out, and I’m probably going to put out another one tomorrow or Thursday. I am going to Seattle this weekend, so that is going to be… [it’s my] It’s my daughter’s birthday. So based on that it’s going to be a little interesting in how I’m getting these lectures out, but I will still definitely be getting lectures out. I’m just not entirely sure what my schedule is right now with that. So we’ll find out when we get there. So yeah, thanks for… Thanks for listening or watching. I’ll see you guys next time.

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