S3E5 – Who Are The ESFJs?

Transcript:

Chase: Hey guys, it’s Chase with a CSJoseph.life. This is video number five of our 16 personality videos. We’re doing deep dive profiles into each of the 16 personality types and trying to provide a better distinction of the archetypes according to Jungian analytical psychology outside of the standard, “Oh, Hey, I’m on the Internet, and I’m going to google a certain MBTI type, and I’m going to learn everything there is to know about this type.” Yeah. Everyone has their opinion on various types, and hopefully with these videos you’ll be able to kind of get a better idea of how these types actually work and how they actually behave compared to just some random profile that you read on the internet or some random forum that tells you that Donald Trump is actually an ESTP, which is wrong. He’s an ENTJ, but we talked about that a couple of videos ago.

Chase: Anyway. Today’s archetype that we’re going to be focusing on is the extroverted sensing feeling judge, also known as the supporter ESFJ. So the supporter is one of the starter types. It’s also of the traditionalist temperament in the same way that we talked about the ESTJ previously, but they are very similar and very different from the ESTJ. So let’s take a look at our trusty whiteboard and I apologize, this video will be long, like all of the type videos that I’ve been doing regarding the 16 personalities.

Chase: Let’s take a look at it right here. Awesome. Can see it now. So, the ESFJ extroverted sensing, feeling judged, a traditionalist, a starter type, why are they a starter type? It’s because they are, informative, initiating and movement. What does that mean? Real quick informative initiating movement is what causes people to start a lot of things, put a lot of energy in the beginning of things, but then they kind of … well, they don’t exactly finish everything they start. I know because I am a starter type, and the next four videos, including this one, will be focusing on just the starter type interaction style. And then we’ll [inaudible 00:02:26] the course, see it through types. Then we’ll do behind the scenes to finish it off.

Chase: The ESFJ, the supporter … The supporter is typically known as the most self sacrificing of all the types. Some people would claim that it’s the INFJ. Others would claim that it is the the ENFJ, but quite frankly, the ESFJ, in my opinion, is the most self sacrificing of all the types. Why? It’s because he is ESFJ believes it’s their duty to do so. They do not do what they want. They have no concept of what they want. Just like ESTJ’s, never ask an ESFJ what they want ever. That’s just going to lead to a train wreck. Tell them what you want instead, and tell them what they should do because ESFJ don’t make decisions based on what they want. They make decisions based on what they should do, and that’s why they’re always asking, “Hey, should I do this or should I do that?”, or “What do you want me to do?”.

Chase: They never say, “Well, I want to do this.”, and if they do, it’s super rare, and if they do run for the hills. Whenever an ESFJ is saying, I want to do something, you need to go the other direction because if you participate in that activity with them, you’re going to get screwed. Don’t do it. They think they want things then they realize that they’ve just bought themselves a Toyota Rav 4 that they really didn’t really have any use for whatsoever. And then they leave the car lot feeling like they just been had or quite frankly, they don’t feel like they’ve been had until everyone else starts questioning them on their decision. Be careful. ESFJ’s can be sold if they are alone. Do not allow them to be alone. When it comes to financial decisions, they need assistance. As much as ESFJs would claim that they are the most financial genius people on the planet in some cases, they’re really not, and we’ll get a little bit more into that in a second.

Chase: Let’s start with their ego, the ESFJ ego. Fe hero makes them extremely caring about other people in the same way that we just talked about with ENFJs. Now because they’re very Ti Si Ne Fe oriented, ESFJs have this really strong sense of justice, but because they have Fe hero, they’re literally walking covert contracts. In fact, ESFJ has are at risk of having covert contracts with life to the point where they think, “If I’m a good person, then good things will come to me.” No, that’s not actually how life works, but a lot of ESFJ’s walk around believing that simple approach, and they end up finding themselves getting involved with the wrong people or finding themselves being irresponsible for the sake of other people because of that very large covert contract.

Chase: A covert contract being a when it’s like, “Hey, if you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours.”, but they have that with life, “Hey, I’m being a good person life. So I deserved better treatment than this.” The ESFJ is usually the first person to complain about bad things happening to good people. Well, I’m sorry, but come on a life’s unfair, but ESFJ is believe that life should be fair, and they go out of the way to make it as fair as possible for as many people as they possibly can.

Chase: So, that’s basically, Fe hero, super caring, very self sacrificing all about how other people feel, all about other people’s value judgments. ESFJs would believe that abortion is a good thing because the collective believes it’s a good thing, but if the ESFJ is around individual that has very high Fi with their moral thinking, and that person morally believes that abortion is wrong than the ESFJ will start thinking it’s wrong. It just really depends because remember abortion is ethical to the collective, but it could be amoral to an individual, immoral that is. ESFJs … I’m not saying that they succumb to Groupthink, but when they get around a collective of people or group of people who have a certain value system or a certain value judgment, eventually the ESFJ will either take on that value judgment and become a participant or they will immediately leave that entire group entirely and go off on their own and be independent. But given that they’re an extrovert, that’s usually unlikely. The more mature and ESFJ is, the more likely they are be able to tear away from that group. Otherwise the less likely they are able to be an agent of counterculture in that situation.

Chase: I’m not saying that they’re weak. I’m just saying that they have to be careful what circles of friends that they have, and typically really mature ESFJ’s, they actually are really careful about the type of people that they allow in their life because they know they can be so trusting. They know they can be taken advantage of because they can remember it. See, unlike the ENFJs, which have Ni for their parents, Si parent is actually there, so ESFJ’s actually remember everything. They can go on and on and on about their past. My grandmother, she’s 80 plus years old, and she’s telling me stories about things from her childhood like when she was five years old, for example, ESFJ memory lasts forever and they will remember anything and everything and bring it up in every social situation and how people were feeling in that situation and how unfair it was and whether or not anyone got away with it.

Chase: My grandmother talks about how her brother would snitch on her or claim that she did something bad even though she didn’t, and then she’d get whipped by her father back in the Great Depression, for example. Again, it’s Si parent. So also Si parent … basically SFJS’s, they’re really built to take abuse, they’re build to take punishment. They can really suffer through a lot of things, and they can get so bad with the amount of suffering that they can take or put up with or tolerate that eventually, if they’re not in a state of suffering, they’ll start to approach life in a way where it’s like that something’s wrong. If there isn’t some type of adversity present in their life, they’re like, “This is wrong, and they don’t actually feel normal.” They don’t actually feel like they are … I don’t want to say like they’re not happy, it’s just that it’s just not regular for them. It’s not part of their groove because the adversity becomes part of their groove.

Chase: And that’s the thing about ESFJ’s, they can get super stuck in a routine, which is or is not a bad thing. If they’re in a relationship with an ESFP, routine is absolutely necessary, but if it’s just a routine that’s for their life, then they start expecting other people with their critic to follow that same routine. That’s crazy. ESFJs can get so routine, especially with how they’re caring for others. Like with my grandmother, for example, if you do the dishes without her permission, she will become very angry with you. Why? It’s because you’re stealing her opportunity to care for other people.

Chase: So let’s examine that. So the virtue advice of an ESFJ is like caregiving versus caretaking. Caretaking, again, is a covert contract. It’s like, “I’m going to care for you, but I expect you to give me something in return, but I’m not even gonna tell you about what that is that I expect in return. I’m just going to call in that favor one day when you least expect or don’t expect or you might expect it. I don’t know, but I’m still going to call it in, and you’re going to have to be obligated to do it because I initially felt obligated to support you with what you’re doing.” Yeah, I know, but that’s how ESFJs are. They’re motivated by obligation. What they should do. That’s what Si parent is all about. It’s all about obligation. They need to feel comfortable. You got to make your ESFJs feel comfortable. If they’re not comfortable, it’s going to be a problem. They will stop being supportive if they do not feel comfortable. If they do not feel safe, that’s going to be a problem.

Chase: So you guys, if you’re in a relationship with the ESFJ, if you have them in your family, or if you’re doing business with one, make sure that they’re as comfortable as possible. Remember that because they’re an SJ, ESFJs … I know a lot of ESFJ men in my life that I’ve met. They’re all firemen. Every single one of them. They literally like will risk their life, go into a burning house and pull people out. I’ve actually seen it with my own eyes. I’ve seen an ESFJ man actually do that. And he was a big, burly dude, really strong and he made it happen, but he’s also like extremely emotionally delicate because he wants everyone else around him to value him and what he does.

Chase: But then again, it’s funny because he’ll go save lives as a fireman, and then he’ll expect you to treat him like extra special over other people because he does that. Again, that covert contract is there, so you got to always be aware of the possibility of a covert contract when dealing with ESFJs.

Chase: Anyway, let’s look at their inner child. So they’re childishly aware of what other people want, just like ESTJs, all about wanting to get balloons and candy, yay, to other people. Hey, what do you want? They always have to fInd out what other people want to do. It’s weird because ESFJs are like, “Hey, what can I do to make you feel better? Hey, what can I do to give you what you want?”, and it just goes to show as to how easy it is to take advantage of ESFJs with how supportive they can be.

Chase: I remember a few times my grandmother would always ask me, “Hey, where do you want to go eat?”. Or my former mother-in-law, she’s also an ESFJ, “Hey, you want to go do this? You want to do a vacation here? What do you want? What do you want? What do you want? I’ll pay for it.” They’ll offer, and it’s kind of weird, and then it’s like, “Now, hold on. There’s that risk of a covert contract there. What am I getting into?” You got to be careful. You don’t want to make a deal with someone that you can’t a hold up later, but then again, you don’t even know the terms of the deal. I’m sorry to keep hammering on the covert contract, but it’s a serious risk with ESFJ. So you got to be really careful with it.

Chase: Then then there’s Ti inferior. So we talked about Ti inferior, the positive and negative aspects of that in the ENFJ video. And that really applies the same hair as ESFJ. Remember, you have to go out of your way to not dismiss Ti inferior. You always have to give its day in court. Always listened to Ti theory, even if they’re wrong, even if you think it’s ridiculous, even if you feel like it’s dumb to listen to or you believe that they’re not correct, it doesn’t matter. You have to respect the ESFJ. You have to listen to their thinking. If you do not give them the opportunity and their day in court, that Ti inferior Will turn into Te demon. And then you’ll have an ENTJ demon after you.

Chase: An ENTJ demon … what it’ll do, it’ll destroy your job, it’ll work on destroying your now basically. It will attack you from any legal possible angle that it can. ENTJ super egos get super legalistic about things. They get super controlling about things, and they’ll try to like control your life, through very direct and open ways. Pop off about you in public complain about you to other people on a regular basis, and they will literally work to destroy your reputation. Now, it’s not the same as ESTJ demon, which is from the ENFJs, which is more like a taskmaster. But an ENTJ demon parasite will absolutely destroy your reputation and destroy your social outlook and inhibit you from conducting business. They will hit you in every possible legal angle, so you have to be very careful to do that.

Chase: So you just make sure that in order to avoid the ENTJ superego, you always give Ti inferior its day in court. Always. So you always are committed to listening to them, but when you listen to an ESFJ, they feel comfortable with you and then they like you want them because that’s all ESFJ really wants. They just want you to feel good about them. They want to know that you value them. It’s super important, and they want you to give them that recognition and that appreciation that Fe hero absolutely craves, but at the same time, they also want to know that you want them, that you desire them, that you want their presence at all times, and that includes a socially. It also means the same thing in sexually, that you literally have sexual, fiery desire for your ESFJ. That makes them like super horny. And very awesome in the bedroom because they just want to receive all those sensations that you could possibly give them because that’s what makes their Si inferior fire off. They absolutely want to receive those sensations that you’re trying to give.

Chase: The ESFJ wants to become that canvass with which you write upon essentially, and they’re willing to open up their soul to you in such a way where you’re able to see their soul in ways that they’ve never even dreamed as you continue to craft a new experience or a similar experience that they enjoy the original experience as some of ESFJ’s would call it or other ESFJs, it’s like, “Oh yeah, show me something new. What are you going to show me? What do you want to show me? What do you want to show me?”. That’s all about expert intuition child with Si parent, and how that access works. What do you want to show me? What do you want to show me?, and. “Oh, you value me. Oh, I think that’s great that you value me so much. Thank you for listening to my thoughts. That just shows me that you value me, and thank you for wanting me all the time and desire me. It’s always a good experience to know that you desire me and it always makes me feel so comfortable and I could trust you.” That is ESFJ ego.

Chase: For ISFP a unconscious it’s a little bit different. Fi nemesis, they walk around feeling like they’re bad people because they worry that they’re bad essentially. So again, you have to continue to be focused on giving recognition and showing appreciation to Fe hero over and over and over constantly all the time, regularly because a parent needs to feel comfortable and regular sensation towards Si parent and Ne child’s basically like, “Oh yeah, I feel really good about what you’re doing. You could attribute to me so well.”, and you’re just constantly giving them attaboys.

Chase: ESFJs and need attaboys on a regular basis. So they don’t get them. Then they feel like they’re doing something wrong or they’re not good enough for you because they’re so worried that they’re bad people that they worry that they’re not good enough. They worry that they don’t deserve you, and they worry that so much that because they don’t deserve you, they’re afraid that you will no longer want them around, and that will cause them to no longer desire to be loyal to you. Remember, ESFJ’s are all about loyalty with Si parent, but if they get any inkling with your inner child that you no longer want them, they’ll stop being loyal to you and then all of a sudden out of nowhere you’ll find that they’re loyal to somebody else all because you weren’t giving Ne child what it needs or Fe hero the recognition and appreciation that it needs. So you got to be careful.

Chase: ESFJ’s appear to be super low maintenance when in reality that’s not true because of their covert contracts they can actually be very high maintenance if you’re not careful, but if you’re a type that’s naturally compatible with them, it doesn’t matter because you’re already automatically giving them what they need because your brain or your mind is already producing, the things that their mind is consuming. So it’s no problem. You got the compatibility there, but if you’re not so compatible with them, you got to be careful and you got to make sure you’re watching out for that because they’re super traditional like that.

Chase: Now the Se critic … ESFJs are super, super elitist at times. They can get really, really elitist. If someone’s not like being regular or a following the bouncing ball in life or not dressed properly. If they see someone’s walking around with their shoes untied or there’s some schmutz on their shirt or whatever, some dirt and whatnot, there’s a rip in their pants, they’re going to immediately notice it, and it will trigger them. And they’ll go up to you and they’ll start picking at you, picking the, picking all the hairs. If he had dog hair on your shirt or whatever, there are going to pull it off, and if you don’t let them, they’re going to lose respect for you. And they actually lose respect for other people who are not clean and who are not kept who are not there because they just can’t handle it.

Chase: They have to be around people who have enough self respect to be able to take care of themselves, their outer appearance, how they dress and whatnot because if that person is not giving a good experience, then that’s not good. Why? Well, ESFJ’s go out of their way to almost be idealistic about how they look, with how they dress as proper as premise and proper as they could possibly get. And they go to all that effort for other people because they know the experience that they want to receive as if they giving a good first impression. So they are holding other people have the same standards with their extroverted sensing critic.

Chase: And I don’t know how many times I’ve heard ESFJ is talk about how people are inferior if they go to like Walmart for example, “Oh, that’s not good because that’s not a good environment that I want to be in.”, or, “You shouldn’t go to that store because that’s a bad environment for you.”, or, “It makes you look …”. Again, it’s this elitist point of view, this Se critic. ESTJs are the same with that. They both have that very elitist point of view with Se critic, and when they’re younger, ESFJ’s can walk around believing that everyone else is just straight up inferior to them in the same way that ESTPs and ENTPs walk around believing everyone else is stupid or ESFPs or ENFPs, we haven’t gotten to them, they walk around believing everyone else are bad people, for example.

Chase: These subtle things exists in our minds, but as an ESFJ gets older, the Se critic realizes that not everybody’s perfect, and even they themselves make mistakes. And it’s always interesting, you can criticize and ESFJ just you can criticize on ESTJ on their appearance or how they’re coming off or how they’re sounding or how they’re dressed or you catch them going to Walmart themselves or whatever they say. You can always call them out on that and they’ll immediately snap to and remember, “Oh, there’s the standard I created, and then they feel guilty what their Fe hero, and then they’ll stop doing it.

Chase: So just remember, you can always call them out on those things. Again, remember they’re motivated based on their duty because they’re past focused duty based. They’re all about what they should do and they’re all about making other people feel good, but because of that they can feel guilty. And when you have people trying to give them what they want and guilt [inaudible 00:22:01] they can be guilted into making decisions. So you have to watch out with that because, Ni trickster. Ni trickster the way it goes, Ni trickster can be a problem because they never know what they want ever. And quite frankly, you have to tell them what they want to do.

Chase: Imagine that a couple, and a woman in the relationship is an ESFJ, and they’re going to go buy a house together, but she’s technically selling her house, and it’s her money, and the man of the relationship doesn’t want to dictate to her how to spend her money out of respect for her. But the thing is, she looks at all these different houses, and she has no idea which ones she wants to get. Quite frankly, all she wants to know is what he wants, but she’s not going to do that because Se critic is getting in the way because she doesn’t want to give him a bad experience in the sales process or whatever they’re doing together so she’s not going to say anything. So then he’s like, “Well, I kind of want you to get that house because that would be a better house. You’d have a better experience with it.”, and he just list all these reasons. And she’s like, “Oh, thank God. Thank god you told me what you want, finally. Now we can get this figured out.”, and then she makes the decision all because her husband or partner told her what else he wants, and that’s how to get over Ni critic.

Chase: If you’re just upfront with them and tell them what you want, everything is okay because they use that as like a boundary or standard or a goalpost that they could be around. It’s like home base. Everyone’s always trying to be able to get back home, especially with the start button on a computer. Well, to an ESFJ, it’s what other people want. So make sure you go out of your way to tell them what you want.

Chase: Every now and then Se critic may criticize you that that might be a good thing to want, but for the most part they absolutely always want to hear what you want like they always want to hear how you feel about them.

Chase: And then again, Te demon, make sure you’re always giving Ti inferior its day in court or else you have Te demon to deal with, and it will attack you in very legal and horrible reputation destroying ways like completely destroy your social reputation, destroy your status. They’re all about destroying status, Te demon. Same with the ENFJ, but again it’s more internalized because they’ve just become this controlling taskmaster with the whip. They’re not so focused on the social outlook because it’s internalized, but with the ENTJ demon, it becomes externalized and they’ll just destroy your social status. They’ll destroy your reputation if you’re not careful.

Chase: Always give Ti, inferior its day in court, no matter how ridiculous it sounds. Always give it. Always respected because they walk around afraid that they’re not smart. They walk around afraid that they’re not intelligent, and they need to be able to share their thoughts with you and say, “Well, how do you feel about this thought that I have?”, because if they don’t have that, then they just walk around feeling stupid all the time, and they don’t like that. They don’t want to be afraid or not confident in their own thinking, but by you giving them their day in court, they can walk around in confidence knowing that their thinking is in the right place, that their thoughts are in the right place, that they’re not doing something bad or they’re not doing something stupid that would cause you to value them less. If you’re not thinking or if you’re not giving them their day in court, and then they make a bad decision because you’re not giving them their day in court, and then that causes you to value them less because of that bad decision they made because you didn’t give them their day in court, which then causes you to no longer want them, then they will no longer be loyal to you. How is that going to go for you? Yeah, exactly.

Chase: The ENTJ demon’s going to come for you. You don’t want that to happen. So remember, just be aware of that risk when dealing with ESFJs. And their subconscious, if they’re able to get over their insecurity, their Ti inferior, their subconscious will kick in, and they become this amazing, brilliant INTP engineer who is able to use symbols and metaphysics and major intellectual thoughts that will just blow you away.

Chase: Let’s say you’re just driving somewhere. Maybe you’re going to go on a hike with your ESFJ companion, and all of a sudden they just start talking about physics, and you’re like, “I had no idea you cared so much about physics.” And then they’re like, “Oh yeah, I was a physics minor in college and I studied it a lot in high school.” And you’re just thinking to yourself, “Really. I had no idea. I just thought you were really cool EMT, but apparently you really care about physics and the theory of reality in our world.”, and they’re talking to you about string theory and whatnot. It’s like because yeah. INTP subconscious.

Chase: If they are secure in their thinking because you’re giving them their day in court, they become really brilliant can actually wield some serious intellectual power within their minds. You just have to make sure that they’re not afraid, and they’re not afraid if you listen to them. If you listened to your ESFJ, give their Ti inferior its day in court, they will become brilliant because they’ll be confident in their thinking because that’s the fear that keeps them from going into that brilliant, intellectual side of their mind, their subconscious. They’re aspiring to become one of the most intelligent people on the earth.

Chase: And if you, if there’s no fear because you’re listening to them, they will become that and they will start giving these insanely brilliant ideas. And it’s like, “Wow, that’s amazing. Unbelievable.” And it’s true. There’s some in ESFJ is out there that have invented some crazy, amazing technology all because someone was willing to listen to their ideas and give them immediate feedback. It’s all about communication guys, especially with ESFJ’s. So anyway, let’s sum up. All about how others feel don’t make them guilty. They use guilt as a weapon, but they can be guilted into making bad decisions. You have to protect them from guilt. They’re very past focused duty based, all about motivated by obligation, be careful of obligation. They’re all about what other people want so always say what you want. Always give Ti, inferior its day in court.

Chase: They worry about their self worth, so always give them recognition and appreciation for everything they do for you, and watch out for Se critic. Make sure that you allow them to give you advice on your appearance, and make sure to criticize them on their appearance or their elitist behavior when necessary. Do not allow them to want things on their own ever. That’s like bad. And again, watch out for the Te demon.

Chase: So in a nutshell, that is the ESFJ, also known as the supporter, and they can be extremely loyal, extremely caring, and extremely helpful. Just be careful to not allow them to caretake because that’s just a covert contract.

Chase: So anyway, if you guys found this video useful, helpful, educational, please leave a like and subscribe. If you have any questions about ESFJ, go ahead and leave it in the comments section. I’ll do my best to answer your question. We have a lot more videos to cover in this series, and I have even more videos. I finished my content delivery matrix last night, and I have another 200 to 300 videos planned, so it’s going to be a lot of content that we’re going to be pumping out here over the next year or so, and maybe two years.

Chase: So anyway, thank you all for your support. I really appreciate it, and probably will be doing another video tonight. See you then.

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